Reading Reviews From Member: Browneyes101
  
114 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Browneyes101The Road Home: What Are Friends For?

14th May 2008:
Here I am once again as requested. :)

You simply amaze me as you always have. Once again you chapter just seems prefect in my eyes. I honestly don't see anything that pops out at me. I really love how the ending and beginning began, the middle was a bit shaky for me. I didn't understand the brother part at the middle/end.

Now here comes the bad news. I think towards the end you kinda rushed into it. Like when you realize that you're almost done typing this chapter and you want to hurry and get it done. All you have do is slow down some. But other than that it's a really the only thing that sticks out at me.

Hope I helped.10/10

Author's Response:

Hello! :D Thanks for picking up the story again!

Thanks for pointing out the feeling of 'flow' problems. I'll take a hard look at the chapter very soon and see what I can do to adjust it.

Alexander is watching Nyah from the upstairs window, knowing that she is breaking the rules by sneaking out. He couldn't wait to tell Mother...

I'll also take a look at the end of the chapter to perhaps add a bit more there and slow down the pace. Thanks for letting me know - I appreciate it! :D


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Review #27, by Browneyes101I'd Do Anything: The Letter that Changed Everything

14th May 2008:
Here I am again. :)

This was a great start again. I really like the description that you put into the beginning. The ending was a little a shaky and you didn't seem to stick to your ways of writing that I saw in the beginning. Kinda like when you realize that you're at the end of a chapter and you want to hurry up and get it finished, that is what I feel you did at the end.

I'm sorry that I didn't get to you until this afternoon. This was a really good chapter I really don't have anything to say except what I said in the paragraph above.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: The reason behind the shakiness of the ending was because I had written it months before writing this chapter, I just thought it would be a nice add on. I'm sorry it felt like that.

Thanks for the review!

P.S. I don't mind that you reviewed later.


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Review #28, by Browneyes101I'd Do Anything: Prologue

14th May 2008:
Here I am as you requested. :)

This was a very interesting beginning. I'm curious as to what's in the next chapter, and I will review that one too but it might be a while because I have school in like five minutes. The way it started was intriguing to me and I keep asking myself: Why on earth would she put Macbeth in a story. I like that you did that, and not a lot of writers do that in their chapters.

Here comes the bad news. This is just suggestion of mine but I think you need to add a bit more description to your surroundings. Though not a lot of readers like a lot of description, that's why I'm saying that you don't have to put anymore if you think it doesn't need any.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: I love putting quotes at the beggining f chapters! I like it when other authors do it too.

I will have more description, don't worry.

Thanks for your review!


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Review #29, by Browneyes101The Insufferable Know-it-all's Guide to Girls: Don't Pick Your Nose

13th May 2008:
Here I am again as you requested. :)

First off I only review two or three chapters but I'll review more all you have to do is request on my post. Just give me the link and if I have slots open then I'll add you.

Now for the real review. All I can really say is once again you've left me speechless with nothing to say, but prefect. You must be an experienced writer, that or your Beta's really good. I once again have nothing bad to say about this chapter. I know now why you have so many reviews and favorites for this novel.

I didn't really understand the Ginny and Hermione flashback part. Maybe try going into more detail about that to make it clear to us slow readers. Anyways, besides that theirs nothing that comes to my attention.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Again, I would like to thank you for taking time out of your day to read and review my story. I really appreciate it! Actually I have nothing published, just some yearbook staff writing, but other than that nothing. Once again, I cannot take full credit for my chapters, because SBSL has helped assist me in making them what they are today.

Okay, this whole point about the flashback: when I first validated that chapter every once in a while I would get a review, like you pointed out, that they were confused about the flashback. I'll add it to my list of things to revise, and thank you for making the comment. As I look back on it, I can see how it is a little confusing. I just seem to jump around and it is a little choppy.

You have helped very much, and I really appreciate what you have to say and will keep it in mind as I edit my story. Thanks again!


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Review #30, by Browneyes101The Insufferable Know-it-all's Guide to Girls: Why Guys have the Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

13th May 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This chapter is good for a starting off chapter. It was really funny which is good that it humors people. I really like the detail you put in the chapter, it helps picture what's happening. I think that's what writers want to hear that people can see their stories. I really don't see any grammar mistakes or really any mistakes at all...it's prefect.

No, I'm not saying this to boost your ego, it's true. I don't see anything that needs to come to your attention, your Beta did a really good job on perfecting this chapter. I wish my chapters were this prefect.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Well first of all, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read and review my story, not to mention for the compliments about the first chapter. I know that I love to hear reviewers say that they saw what I was describing in their heads, so it really makes me happy to hear you say that. =D

Wow...perfect? I know that I would really love to take all the credit for writing a perfect first chapter, but that is not the reality. SBSL has picked up on all those little mistakes that authors normally do (because it is just our writing and we aren't going to notice everything like someone else does when they read it for the first time), so credit does go out to her. I'm sure that your chapters are just as good!

Thanks for your opinions on the first chapter! You did help.


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Review #31, by Browneyes101Sparks: A Vision?

13th May 2008:
This will be my last review seeing as that I have others to get to, so lets make this a one to remember. If you want me to review more just go to my post and request if a spot is open. Now without further adue.

I really like how the OC character has grown over these few chapters. The readers I think have also grown with this character as she's went through her times, and that is very important. For a reader to feel that they have a connection with a character is what most writers want right? Well as you've gotten better with your chapters so has your characters and I think the readers know this, cause I sure do.

The only thing you need to work on is your speed of the events, and I was a bit surprised when you said she was a seer because in my story that I'm writing the main character is also a seer. Just slow down your pace a bit and describe a bit more and you'll have a killer novel.

Hope I've helped.8/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all of the advice! It definitely helped and you pointed out several things that hadn't been pointed out before. Thank you so, so much!
~R


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Review #32, by Browneyes101Can't Leave You: Can't Leave You

13th May 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I really like this one-shot; it's very thought out and bubbly. The flow is incredible and I really love the way you describe. I think this would make a very good story, like going back to their years in school if Laverna and Sirius met when they were in their school years.

I really have no bad news. This one-shot is prefect, okay it might not be prefect but it defiantly doesn't need any fixing. If you do or have already made this into a story/novel can you please PM me or come back to my post if it's still up and tell me. I really enjoyed this one-shot, well done.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!!! I'm really glad that you liked it!! So sorry that this took so long! I'm actually planning a whole long series with these two! It's slightly AU, but sticks as close to canon as an AU can! ;P I'll definately PM you when I can get it up! Summer's just around the corner, so hopefully I can get alot done!

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Review #33, by Browneyes101Sparks: Gryffindor!

13th May 2008:
Here I am again as requested. :)

Lets get started shall we. You were very current when the shorting hat was talking, and I don't mind that; I mean who would want to hear a hat talk all through the chapter? But I do think you could add more between the feast and Dumbledore speech. Mickey's character really hasn't changed since the first chapter, she hasn't involved yet.

Bad news once again, but no ones perfect. Once again I think that this chapter went by too fast. You did slow down some, but you want to get straight to the point, when you slow down you might want to put more description in your paragraphs and that will give the reader a more vivaed picture.

Hope I helped. I'll review more later, but a girls gotta eat.7/10

Browneyes

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Review #34, by Browneyes101Sparks: Goodbye

13th May 2008:
I'm here again as you requested. :)

This chapter starts out well. I really like that you put her feelings into the paragraphs; most people just like to put small feelings into their chapters but I think the more the marrier. Her character is coming along well but the only side I see of her is sarcastic see if you can add more then just sarcastic into her personality, or has that side of her just not come out yet?

Bad news unfortunately. The chapter is moving too fast. Here is what I suggest this time: get a Beta. Beta's help more in this area then probably any reviewer will. Try and take more time to develop the characters more then just introducing them and making them and the main character best buds.

Hope I helped. 7/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: She is very sarcastic, but her other side will come out later. Good idea about getting a beta. I'll definitely look into that. Thanks so much for your review!
~R


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Review #35, by Browneyes101Sparks: A Chance To Start Again

13th May 2008:
I'm here as you requested. :)

I would first off like to say that this chapter was a good way to start off. A bit confusing in the beginning, but who doesn't like a little mystery? I can tell already that her friends were harsh and blunt; here's hoping that the new friends that she makes will be able to get to know the real Mickey.

Now here comes the bad news. I think that this all went too fast: her parents getting a divorce; her moving; introducing her family. I think that you should go back a couple of days before this and get a feel for the characters more. I'm not suggesting that you redue this chapter, I'm just saying that maybe later on she could have a flashback or something of that kind. Besides this I think the character is well thought out.

Hope I helped.7/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Good idea. I'll probably go back and work on the first chapter more once the entire story is finished and posted. Thanks so much for the advice, it really helps!
~R


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Review #36, by Browneyes101The Torn Page: The Brush Fire

24th February 2008:
It's me again! :)

I can't tell you how happy I am that Isis and Sirius are finally going somewhere, but Ali interrupted. I don't like her now (just joking). I think Poseidon will use this against Isis, but we all now that he will get his butt whooped. Right?

The last part was so sad. Poor Isis. I couldn't believe she started crying, never have I seen her cry, until now that is. I really like how you described her tear. Instead of it being a salty moist tear instead, her tear was red and it burned. That is true pain right there. I can't really say that I now how she feels because that's never happen to me, but I do feel for her. Though she probably hates pity as much as I do.

To wrap this all up, even though I know you don't want me to leave, I have to. Jk! Once again a chapter filled with awesomeness and everything in-between. You got me on the edge of my seat, don't leave me hanging here! 10/10

Browneyes

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Review #37, by Browneyes101Love is a battlefield: Conveying the news

21st February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I really liked the OC character Owen. I do think that it went too fast. I think you should slow it down and defiantly add description. If course this is the first chapter, so it's suppose to be boring to some people.

Description is the biggy for me. Description is one of the most important things that you need in a chapter/story. You must have it, or the whole story will seem boring. A lot of people don't like a lot of description, but I on the other hand love a lot of description.

This is a good first chapter. I really like it. All you need is more description, and put more feeling into the characters, because if you don't feel the characters then you readers won't.

I hoped I help.7/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thank you :]
One of my biggest faults is rushing and I really need to work on it. I think I might re-write the first chapter sometime in the near future because it doesn't match my usual standards.

I didn't realize how little emotion that I showed Caroline having, so I must go back and fix that also!

And again, thank you a lot for being honest.


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Review #38, by Browneyes101More Than Meets the Eyes: Diagon Alley

21st February 2008:
Here I am again. :)

Once again a nicely done chapter. I see that James is more like his grandfather then Harry, as he jokes around a lot more. I think you did the characterization beautifully, once again. I'm also glade to see a little bit more description in this chapter then in the last. The monster is satisfied. Though I do think you could put in some description when they were in the car. For example: the neighborhood, the weather, things of that category.

I was a little put off by this line:

"When Harry pulled into the drive of Potter Manor and parked, James got out and went up to his room. He fell backwards onto his bed and closed his eyes. Within seconds he was fast asleep."

I think you should slow down with this. Show James climbing up the stairs (at a slow or fast paste), did his parents ask him for something, along those lines. I just think it would make a better chapter if you did.

I hoped I helped. This is my one rule of my reviews: I only post two reviews, if you want me to review more chapters then post once more on my thread. You don't have to rewrite the code just type I want you to review my next chapter(s) and give me the link. I hope to here from you again.9/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Yep. James is like his grandfather, but he has some qualities from his dear ol' dad, too. Yay... I'm so happy to hear that my description is better in this chapter.

You're right, I could have added some description when they were in the car. I guess I got lazy or just overexcited because this story is so much fun to write that I forgot to add in the extra details that make a story better.

Now you just made me feel ashamed of myself for posting something as undescriptive as that. I'll see about going back in and reworking the ending some, but I don't feel much like doing any writing since I have this really nasty cold.

I'll work my way through scenes with more ease from now on instead of speeding through them. I tend to do that, I've noticed, when I want to get through a boring scene. But it shouldn't be boring if I just take the time to add in the little details to make it interesting. Heh.

Both your reviews helped a ton and you'll be seeing me again in your thread. Thanks so much!


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Review #39, by Browneyes101More Than Meets the Eyes: Summertime

21st February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I really liked the way you wrote James. I bet he's really hard to wrote, seeing as we only saw so little of his character in the last book. I also like they way you kept Harry and Ginny's personalities, but also included some of your own since there parents now.

Okay, I'm going to warn you; I have a description monster inside of me. Right now it wants to scold you. Now let me start with a lecture. I'm not saying that you don't have description because then I'd be lying, but I do think you could have more.

You may be one of those writers that don't like a whole lot of description, if you are one of those, then please excuse my words. I could picture it, but some parts I couldn't picture. I think the more description that part has, the more you can picture it. Though sometimes people do go over board with descriptions, and if you do that it will seem boring to most readers.

Like I said before, if you don't like a lot of description, please ignore me. I'm no Beta, so if your Beta says that he/she doesn't think or you don't think you need more description, then leave it as is.

I hoped I help some. I'm going to review the next chapter now. See you on the other side.9/10

Author's Response: Hey. Thanks so much for the constructive criticism. It's really helpful. And I'm happy to hear that you liked the way I kept Harry and Ginny's personalities and then added some parental qualities to them.

Yeah, sorry. Sometimes I put in good descriptions and sometimes I race through a scene too fast without even bothering with them because I guess I get lazy with it. But my beta scolded me on something in one of the chapters that I was too descriptive about something, but I can't remember what. But I fixed it like she told me to cuz it made more since to not go overboard on that scene.

I really really really appreciated the feedback you gave me and I'll make sure to work on it. Thanks again.


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Review #40, by Browneyes101Harry Potter and the Children of the Seeker's Stone: The Romanian

19th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This was a very interesting start. It's quite unique when you write from ancient area. I bet this can get only more interesting as the chapters go on. I have to give you credit, I know I would never be able to pull this off. I wish you luck.

Now on to more serious matters. I think that your paragraphs were spread out too far. Bring them in closer to make it look professional; you'll be surprised how many readers look at that kinda stuff.

Now, I'm going to warn you. I have a description monster inside of me that is ready to chop your heard off for not using description. You have unleashed the monsters wrath, not me, blame yourself for this. Now let me start with a lovely lecture. Description is very important to a story/chapter because it defines the characters more then you realize. If you don't have description your readers can't see the picture you are trying to paint for them.

I know some people don't like to have description and you may be one of those people, but you need description in this story or your readers will not be able to see that beautiful picture, and if they don't see it, it will make you very unhappy.So please, add some.

Other than that there's nothing I see that needs fixing, not that I'm a Beta. I think this was a great beginning, but put description and we have ourself a winner! I hoped I helped.7/10

Browneyes

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Review #41, by Browneyes101Silver Tears: Chapter Two

19th February 2008:
Here I am again. :)

Once again, a very nice chapter. I wonder what Draco did to Hermione before she woke up in toe hospital wing? One can only wonder. Suggestion: add more vocab. It really helps when you're trying to intrigue a reader.

I think that your rushing into this a bit. Like I said in the last review, if that's what floats your boat, please excuse my words. I insufferably think that you should slow down. If you keep going fast you will lose the readers that like to take it slow, please keep that in mind.

Description. Aw, the description monster has been unleashed, and now I shall take my wrath out on you. Allow me to go into my lecture. Description is a very important role in stories.chapters. I can't express or type that enough to get it through some authors thick skulls. Description is what makes a story, it helps form the character and its surroundings.

Some authors just don't like description, but you have to have it. I saw that you had some description in your last chapter, but in this one you barely had any. It helps your reader connect with your characters easier, and helps them feel the character in ways that I can not put into words. Description is the most curricula part of the plot next to the characters. So please, add more.

Hope I helped. If you want me to review another two chappies just post.7/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks for your lecture, I needed that, actually. No sarcasm intended. I'm terrible at remembering to include descriptions, which you can see. I'm so wrapped up in the story, picturing events in my mind, it's hard to remember the reader can't see what I see. Anyway, thank you for reviewing, and I'll remember your advice. Thanks!

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Review #42, by Browneyes101Silver Tears: Chapter One

19th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This was a great first chapter. I really like the anger I saw in Hermione after McGonagall told Hermione about her parents, but you can't blame the girl, I would kill someone too if I found out my parents were died.

You match Hermione's wit almost as good as J.K. Rowling. Almost. Try putting some big vocab words in there. Ones that people hardly see and even though they don't understand them they laugh anyway because it's really hilarious to picture her saying it.

I do think you need to slow down. I think you rushed into her parents being killed a bit too fast; if it were me I would have waited till chapter two or the end of this chapter to tell that her parents were murdered. Of course a lot of readers like a fast plot line, so if you like it this way by all means keep it, I'm no Beta.

I'm going off to review your next chapter now. I only review two chapters at once, if you want me to review more, then post it on my review thread, and I'd be happy to review two more etc. etc. It's just something that lets me spread out my reviews instead of just doing all six of yours at once while somebody else is waiting on me to review there's. Also, when you post again and want me to review more chapters you don't have to type out the code again, just type this is so'n'so chapter, please review, and give me the link.

I hoped I helped.9/10

Author's Response: I do like a fast plot line, but thank you for all your suggestions and for leaving such a long review. I really appreciate you taking the time. (:

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Review #43, by Browneyes101Contaminated: Grey

19th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This is a great way to start off a story. It was action nonstop which caught my attention, but some readers don't like a BAM BAM BAM type of story, so keep that in mind. I love your description; I'm bit of a description monster, if there's anything that I will criticize you on it will be description.

Some readers don't like a whole lot of description, but I think that the more description you have the clearer you can see what you type, at least it's that way for me. I can't stress enough how important description is though. It sets the very scene of your story/chapter, it tells what you're trying to say.

There is really nothing else that I see that you need to work on (not that I'm a Beta or anything). I do think you went over board with comma's but that's just my option. Some readers my have something else to say/type; maybe they like a lot of commas, though I wouldn't know why.

I hope I helped. If you want me to review another chapter just post on my review thread and I'll be more than happy to review another chapter. I'm sorry I can't review more, but school work is getting the better of me. Again, sorry!8/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thank you =D

I'm glad that you look for description because im kinda like that too lol, so ill definately request more of my stories. The nonstop action was done unpurpose XD but it slows down i promise.

Description is the first thing that catches my eyes in a story. Its like painting a picture in the readers mind so i take it very personally.

Ill look into the comma thing ^_^. thank you so much for the review i appreciate it and will definately request more!

kay~


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Review #44, by Browneyes101Torn: Chapter One: Slytherin Boy, Gryffindor Boy

17th February 2008:
Here I am again. :)

This chapter I think went a bit too fast for my taste, but if this is your speed then by all means stay with it. Others might have a different option then me. Other than that every things good. Of course I think you could squeeze more description in there, but once again that's just me.

Their was one line that stood out to me:

"Are you going to be an ass like Draco?"

I'm no Beta but I don't think that that proper British way of say ass. Their are a lot of people on the forums that know more about that kinda stuff better than I do. I just thought I could help you out on that one.

Other than that you have no mistakes that I can see. And the chapter flows well which is what you want. I only review two chapters, so if you want me to review more just post on my reviews when a slot is open and I'll review two more.

I hoped I helped.9/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: You're right. Usually they would say 'arse', and coming from a family who speaks that way sometimes I'm terribly embarrassed to have missed it. I must have just been writing and forgetting! Thank you for pointing that out. I wouldn't have noticed it otherwise.

See, with me, speed has always been a problem. In my Sirius/Oc, I've found a good speed. But my others I've either felt I've moved too slowly or too quickly and then I mess up the speed later on. =/ I'll see how this goes, I was also speeding this up because I didn't expect for this to be a very long story in the beginning.

Thanks for another helpful review!


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Review #45, by Browneyes101Torn: Prologue

17th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This was a very interesting start for a story. I've never pictured Blaise as the emotional type, so that was very interesting to read also. They must have had a strong connection for Blaise to show how much he cares. A lot of the stories I read about him is that he doesn't really like to show a lot of emotion, and this change was good for readers.

Even though I'm not a Beta, there were no errors. You're lucky because I normally catch at least one error, but not you. I do think that you should add more description to this chapter, unless you're one of those people who don't like a whole lot of description. I, on the other hand, love long description; I'm kinda a description monster. Though some peole don't like a lot of description, like I said before I'm no Beta, so if you like it the way it is, then by all means leave it.

I do think Hermione was a bit OOC, but this chapter was so short that I couldn't really tell. If you even think that Hermione in your story is OOC I suggest that you go back and read some of the books or watch the movies.

I hoped I helped. This is a really good start!9/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I always feel odd asking for reviews, but I'm so iffy on this story that I needed feedback.
Thank you very much for everything you've said. I'll try to edit Hermione a bit, and I most likely will go back and add description.

I'm glad you liked Blaise; I'm trying to humanize him somewhat. Plus from people I know who have attitudes like Blaise OR Draco (not ego - very closed), I've learned from experience that they do have alot of emotion bottled up and they only let a few people see them that way. I hope I'll get that across in my other chapters.

Thank you for such a helpful review! I'm very grateful.

-C.C.


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Review #46, by Browneyes101The Itsy, Bitsy Spider: The Itsy, Bitsy Spider

16th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This One-Shot was beautifully described ( I'm kinda obsessed with description). Their was no dialog though. I think even if there's just one character that their should be some dialog. It makes it seem more real to me, while others might feel different.

This was a very excellent piece; I loved how I could picture it perfectly in my head. I think that's why I love description so much, but others have a different option. It was very dark which you warned me about in my thread. It leads up to be very suspenseful, making you readers wait until you unleash what you have behind closed doors.

I hoped I helped some, even though I didn't really type up any advice.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :D

I actually, am not a fan of dialogue, and since this was written for a challenge that involved the use of no dialogue what-so-ever, I definitly enjoyed being able to enter the characters heads and probe his emotions, without having to add the element of speech. Also, I often find that authors make very lazy use of dialogue, using it as an easy way to avoid in depth characterization. For me, there is less of a challenge in writing what a character says, but more of a challenge involved with getting into his head and figuring out why he would say what he said. *shrugs* Thats just how I feel on the matter.

I'm glad you thought the description was good, especially since this was definitly a description fuelled piece :P

And you definitly helped my ego in any case :D


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Review #47, by Browneyes101Speak: Chapter One

16th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This was a very good chapter. I did think that it went a little too fast. Other then, that I believe that it was very good, well detailed, and fine description. I have an obsession over description.

I thought it was funny the way Hermione bust into the room. I do think that you should add more description (forgive the description monster inside of me). I really couldn't see what you were typing, but that just my option, some readers like less description while others like a lot. I just happen to be one of the ones that like a lot of description.

The dialog was great. I can't do dialog very well but you did it perfectly. Though their was one line that I didn't quiet get:

"My! We've got an amnesia patient!" the black woman exclaimed.

I think you should put a comma after 'My' and also you should capitalize 'the' whenever you type the black woman. I'm no Beta, so if it looks right to you by all means leave it.

I hoped I helped some. By the way you should know, I only review two chapters but if you want me to review more than that just post it on my thread when their's an open slot. I really enjoyed this chapter.9/10

Browneyes

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Review #48, by Browneyes101Give Up This Fight: The Beginning

16th February 2008:
Here I am again. :)

The meeting of Bethe and Merope was excellent in my option. I do think it was a bit fast. I do hope their is more Bethe to come as it says in your Author's Note. Bethe's character kinda of reminded me of a person out to save the world by herself. She's very independent, that is something that stink out, which I greatly enjoy ( we need more independent women in this world).

I like that Bethe is so knowledgeable. It makes her seem like she's much wiser then she looks; I can't wait to see how her character turns out. I think that Merope will learn a lot from her. You sure do have your research for herbs cut out for you.

I hoped I helped. Even though I didn't really give any advice, but I'll leave that to the Beta's.

If you want me to review any more stories please post it on my thread. I only review two chapters and school work is catching up with me fast. I really would be more than happy to review more chapters of this story. I would, but that's not fair to the others who post on my thread, so I always tell the authors if I'm interested in their story/ chapters that all they have to do is post again. So please do, I want to review and read some more of this story. *Gives puppy dog face* Please.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Hello again! :)

Oh that's good that you liked Bethe. I like strong female characters (who doesn't?) and I felt that Merope needed a guiding hand at this stage in the story. Without a mother or any means of moral support, I felt that Bethe could be the ally she so desperately needed. With her intelligence and kindness, she could give Merope the backbone she needed, as well as being a plot device to move the story along to where I want it to go. There is a lot more to Bethe than meets the eye. :)

And I love my research! I don't know much about botany, so it's interesting as well as educational to look these herbs up and add them into my story.

Don't worry about it at all, thank you for coming to review and I'm so glad you liked this story. I completely understand -I do the same thing on my reviews thread. We only have so much time to review certain stories! I'll definitely come back and request again if you want me to. Thanks for your feedback! :)


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Review #49, by Browneyes101Give Up This Fight: Inside Looking Out

16th February 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I really liked your description, I could see it clearly in my head which is a good sign. I've always been obsessed with description, don't ask. I really liked the feel that you put into your characters, which to me makes them seem more real.

I really liked the middle. I intently felt a sort of connection with Merope. I found it was very easy to connect with her at the beginning. Here is my favorite line:

"Easy for you to say," Merope retorted. "I have no money, no other clothing, no means of getting far enough away so that Father couldn't find me."

I think this line really digs into her personality and makes her more of a character then before. I'll be honest I almost J.K Rowling was writing this herself. I think it's interesting that you decided to do a story on the Gaunt family, I'm very curious why you choose them.

To rap this up, I think you should go into more detail on Cecilia. I really didn't feel that pull that I felt with Merope. Go more into her character and see what you can find. Unless you're like me, who puts more of the characterization in the later chapters ( I just really like to keep my readers in suspense, I find it healthy.).

Hope I helped some, if at all. You have a very fine beginning chapter. Nicely done.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Hi browneyes thank you for coming by to review, and thanks so much for your feedback! :)

I'm really glad you liked Merope as a character, and thought she was realistic. Why I chose to write about the Gaunt family ... well, I like minor characters because there is so much you can do with them. I'm not a big fan of changing what is already canon (I don't like Dramione, for example, because we all know Hermione ends up with Ron) and with lesser known characters like Merope Gaunt and her family, there is much more room to work with and you can speculate and be original.

Merope in particular stood out to me because she has such an integral role in the series (she's Voldemort's mother, after all!) yet not much attention is given to her and exactly what happened with Tom Riddle Senior, we will probably never know. Even the love potion that everyone assumes she gave him (and which I have borrowed in my story) is just a guess made by Dumbledore ... JKR never specifically gives us anything solid about Merope. I love that, because it gives me a ton of room to move.

I concentrated on Merope Gaunt and not Cecilia in this first chapter because I want the spotlight to be on Merope first and foremost. This is a story about her, but as you will see later on, I focus on the other characters and switch around to different POVs. Cecilia will play a much larger role, especially in Chapter 4 when you actually see things from her POV ... and in my latest chapter, #7, it starts off in her POV once again. So you will see much more of her (as well as Tom Riddle Senior and my OC) later on!

Thanks for your review :)


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Review #50, by Browneyes101The Torn Page: Hunter's Moon

14th February 2008:
Here I am of course. :)

I can't tell you how happy I am that you have updated this story! I can't believe that Trista was shot by an arrow, how could Poseidon do such a thing?! I hope Isis puts him in his place soon. I'm extremely glade that you didn't let Trista die, but she's not in Harry Potter and the Four Elements, why? If she dies later on I'm sure it well break Remus the poor guy, he's been through so much, but so has Sirius and James.

I saw that their was no sign of Lily in this chapter, shame. I really like how you characterized her; makes her more...real when you write her. I wonder how Sirius and Ali's relationship is going? Is Isis still against Ali and her powers?

I'm also happy that their was more Isis in this chapter *does happy dance*. I hope their is much more of her to come as well, and I see that her and Sirius's relationship has grown some, not much but it's a start. I always love slow loves, their more romantic to me.

I can't wait until the next chapter. Stay safe. I'll talk to you next time.10/10

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