Reading Reviews From Member: Browneyes101
  
114 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Browneyes101Rice Milk Macabre: A Well-Timed Enchantment

27th December 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I would just like to say how sorry I am for making you wait so long, but with my exams and the hoildays everythings just been everywhere. I'm only going to review this one chapter, I know that in my rules it says that I review three if you have three or more but I really have to get caught up with reviews, but you are more than welcome to come back when I have slots open. Now on with the review!

I really liked the characters in this chapter. They have great personality and are well described. As I read I noticed that you put great detail around the characters and in them, I love detail and I've noticed that not a lot of people here really don't show any minor detail, and when you did it just made my day. The descriptions are also amazing, I really love them.

I do think that it was a little fast toward the end. Kinda like you got a little too excited toward the end when you were clos to finishing. Does that make any sense? My advice is to slow toward the end.

Hope I helped.9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, and sorry I took so long to reply.

Thanks! Johanna's a little strange, I know, but I'm glad you liked her. I've been writing original fiction for a long time, so maybe that's why I have more detail... I didn't really notice.

I don't really know what you mean, but I'll look over that and try and fix it if I see it happening again.

Thanks again for the lekker review!

♥-Ai


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Review #2, by Browneyes101Hold Back The Tears: Chapter Six- The Memory Of A Sunset

21st December 2008:
I'm here as requested. :)

I would just like to say that I'm truly sorry that I made you wait this long for a review, I'm normally not like this. I was just studying so hard for my exams that I really had no time for anything else. Now, I know that in my rules it says that I review three chapters but I'm only going to review one with you because I want to catch up with all my reviews, but you are more than welcome to come back when the slots are open. Now on with the review!

I really loved your detail in this chapter! I love any kind of small detail, and this chapter has detail written all over it. The description that you put into this is amazing for I do think that besides the characters the description is the most impotant thing, but that's just me. Your dialog does need some work but it doesn't take away from the plot that you're setting.

I really don't have anything to work on in this chapter besides compacting your paragraphs. You have so many spaces in your chapters that it can be a turn off for a picky reader. I suggest combining them into one big paragraph instead of many small paragraphs it would bring in those picky readers and look more organized.

Hope I helped. 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. The spacing was sort of screwed in this chapter anyway. Don't worry abou ttaking so long. You at least got here... :) I hope i can request again so i can get your input on the rest of the chapters.

thanks so much. The dialogue is meant to be somewhat awkward between Maddie and Sirius in this chapter just because she doesn't know him all to much at the moment

Thanks for taking your time and reviewing. I'm glad you liked it :)


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Review #3, by Browneyes101Blinded: The Last Straw

18th December 2008:
Here I am just as requested. :)

I would just like to tell you how sorry I am for not reviewing this sooner. This is exams week at my school so lately I've only had time to study; I only have one more day of this stress then my reviewing will be up and going again. Now I'm probably going to answer a question that you have been saying over and over in your head: She didn't put my story on her waiting list so she won't review mine sense it's on her 'No Reads' list. That's not true, but the irony of it is is that I will only review this chapter. I know that in my rules it says that I will review three chapter, but since this is a special case I will only do one. It's not that your novel is not great or anything (It was really good) but I just don't read Sirus/Hermione stories, even if she is above 17, you know what I'm saying? So instead of giving you three short reviews I'm going to give you one long one. As you can tell this lovely paragraph that I'm typing now is quiet long. Now onward to the incredibly long review!

Okay, first let me go over the good stuff then we can get onto the evil, annoying part of the review.

I really loved the character descriptions you put into this. I thought that I was really reading about the real Hermione that J.K. wrote about. Yes it was that good! I'm probably making your ego soar right now aren't I? Good, just so long as it doesn't go to your head. The dialog was excellent, it ran smoothly and clear; I could tell exceatly what they were saying and to who. The descriptions were wonderful, I really felt like I was there and in the moment. I could clearly see the picture you were trying to paint.

Now to the part that I hate with a passion.

I'm going to blunt with you, this chapter was going too fast for my liking, hey maybe that's just me, and I do think that you need to slow it down. The hint of that relationships is a bit too fast, it's like you want to go straight to them and not involve the other characters, normally the love intrest doesn't really find out about the fact that the girl/guy likes them and does something about it but you just jumped right into it without thinking this out realisticly. Love takes time to blossom and even longer for a person to realize that they love the other person; I could see Harry going up to Sirus and telling him that Hermione fancies him in chapter five or six because that gives her enough time to realize that hey maybe this isn't just a crush I'm feeling here. She was probably feeling this before her current age but that still doesn't mean that it should go right to her liking him.

Wow I think that this is the longest review I've ever typed!

I hope I helped. 9/10

Author's Response: Well, since you are'nt going to read the rest of the story... I'll just say that where I started this story, was on purpose... In fact I'll PM you lol. Thanks for the awsome review! lol...

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Review #4, by Browneyes101At All Costs: Departure

14th December 2008:
Here I am as requsted. :)

I really loved the dialog in this chapter, you really have a way when two characters are talking to enteract them together if you know what I mean. You also had great description but their is always room for improvment.

I didn't see any small details that tells me about the main character. You need small details as much as you need descriptions, they are just as important. I suggest talking about Romida's personality in the next chapter, put more of her character into it.

Hope I helped. 8/10

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!

I appreciate your comment about my dialogue. That's something I work hard on. :)

Yeah, I plan on continuing showing her character through more action. Right now I'm basically just introducing you to her. I'm showing, not telling, Romilda.

Thanks again!


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Review #5, by Browneyes101Words Unspoken: Things Not Said

13th December 2008:
Here I am as you requested. :)

This one-shot is great, you really have a grasp for Harry/Hermione ships. I can't express how much I love it! Maybe you should turn this into a novel or something, I'm sure it would be great, I know I would read it.

You also have a way with descirptions. I could clearly see the picture you were painting and hear the sounds that you were creating. Their really is nothing I can give feedback on because you did everything wonderfully.

Hope I helped. 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you! It's interesting that you'd say I have a knack for Harry/Hermione because I hate the ship =P I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don't think I'm going to be turning this into a novel. Thank you so much! I'm really glad you like this ^_^

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Review #6, by Browneyes101Saving Mum & Dad: Potions Class

11th December 2008:
I'm back! :)

I loved this chapter, I'm really starting to fall in love with Hayden. He is such a gentleman that's it's hard not to love him; I've always wanted a gentlemanly boyfriend, they're so hard to find nowadays.

Their was only one thing that I saw that needs fixing:

"He suddenly wished he were Cupid that he could shoot an arrow through the hearts of his mum and dad and so co-join them and cause them have true and requited love."

You should have a comma between Cupid and that and a to inbetween them and have.

Once again, this was beautiful! Please come back and request more I want to see how this ends.

Hope I helped. 10/10

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Review #7, by Browneyes101Saving Mum & Dad: One Malfoy Too Many

11th December 2008:
I'm here once again. :)

Another beautiful chapter, I'm just in awe. Seriously. Now, lets get down to the evil, nasty stuff so that we can get to the good stuff. Alright here goes!

I saw some grammar mistakes toward the end, I don't know rather you were excited that you were finally getting the chapter done, or if you were in a rush, but whatever is was, it shows. I suggest that you slow down a bit and not rush into things, take your time. But lets not be as slow as Christmas, alright (pun intended).

Now here comes the fun part, the good stuff! This chapter was just like the last one: beautifully written with a lot of passion in it. I could feel the emotion that you were trying to bring out, I could see the setting, see the pictures in my head. That's a good thing, tells me everything ran smoothly.

On to chapter three! Hope I helped. 9/10

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Review #8, by Browneyes101Saving Mum & Dad: Deprivation

11th December 2008:
Here I am just as you requested. :)

This was an amazing chapter, the describtion, the emotion, the setting everthing was simply beautiful. I know your ego probably skyrocketted after I said that. Should I put up a warning sign? I'm just joking, but really this chapter is really well writen I really enjoyed it. I don't really have any feedback to give you besides good job and keep it up.

Now I'm off to the next chapter, till we meet again. 10/10

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Review #9, by Browneyes101 Contrition: Contrition

11th December 2008:
Here I am just as you requested. :)

I just have to say that this is an amazing chapter! Your describtion is absoutly brillant. I really have no feedback on this accpet, keep up the good work. If their was ever a time when I'm bluntly honest, it's now! I just can't say enough about your work, I'm in complete awe.

The point of veiw you gave through Snape's eyes was, just wow. I can not put into words your amazing writing. The emotion was beautifully written, I could feel everything that Snape was, I swear my eyes got watery. It's also a good thing to put this in Snape's point of view because we never see much of his view. I'm just in love with this chapter; in total and utter bliss.

Hope I rasied your ego a bit, even though I didn't mean to. 10/10

Author's Response: Being uber-critical of my own work, I always find that there is still room for improvement, which keeps my ego in check. :)

This HAD to be written from Snape's POV. And I had to strike the right balance between regret and grief and anger and bitterness. Snape was a very flawed man, and though he regretted the fact that he relayed the information about the Prophecy to Voldemort which in a way caused Lily's death, he was still very cruel to Harry. So depicting Snape in an entirely positive light wouldn't have worked. There is a lot of bitterness, anger and even some self-pity, but above all is the overwhelming remorse he feels. I wanted to capture that essence, and hopefully I've succeeded in doing so.

Thanks so much for the wonderful review and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story :)


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Review #10, by Browneyes101Hold Back The Tears: Chapter Five- His Voice

10th December 2008:
Here I am just as you requested! :)

Okay, let me get through the evil, bad stuff so that way we can enjoy the good stuff. Alright here goes!

I saw that in a lot of parts of this chapter that you didn't have complete sentences. In order to have a complete sentence you need a subject and a verb, but you already now this, don't you? Of course you do. At the beginning of this chapter you got a little comma crazy, but that's okay becasue we all do it. I know I have! Just mellow out your commas some more and you'll be fine.

Now here comes the part that I love, the good stuff! You had really good descrbtion, I could see it playing as a movie in my head and that's what your readers want. The emotion was so big I had to lean back in my seat! You really now how to express those feelings and get them across.

I suggest getting a beta to clean up your sentences, and then your chapters really will be perfect!

Hope I helped. 7/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Hi there. The funny thing is, I have a beta... I guess she didn't get all the mistakes. Thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it :)

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Review #11, by Browneyes101:

13th June 2008:
Here I am as you requested. :)

I would just like to say how sorry I am for making you wait. My computer crashed and I didn't get it fixed till today cause we didn't have the money, and my personal life was calling my attention for the past two weeks. I'm extremely sorry. Now, here is the review you've been waiting for.

I feel that this is unlike any story I've ever read, and don't worry this is a good thing. I think that this is going to be funny and exotic at the same time; if that's humanly possible. This chapter really got into Ginny's head and let us know her feelings and what she/is wants/missing in her life. You never really get to know Ginny when the gang is at Hogwarts which makes her an awesome character to write. I've tried and I failed, but I think you did an excellent job with this.

I really don't have any bad news, but I would like to see more description. You never really drew a clear image for me. That's really all I see that needs fixing/worked on.

Hope I helped.9/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: oh that's okay about taking a bit, I understand about the computer being fixed its fine :D

Thank you for the review! I'm glad that you think the story is going to be different and that I've done a good job so far!

I'll be sure to add more description in future chapters :D Thanks so much again!


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Review #12, by Browneyes101Of Gossip and Drama: The Really Gross Lake

13th June 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I would to apologize for you having to wait so long. I do have a personal life outside the internet that has called my attention for the past two weeks, and then my computer crashed right when I was half-way through with your review. I'm so sorry, please forgive me. Now here is your review.

This was a very interesting one-shot. I love the emotion that you put in it, I thought I was going to cry at the end because I didn't want it to end. If you want to turn this into a story I'm completely behind you. I loved the theme of this one-shot, about how none of us can runaway from the drama in our lives but it can be worth it. I can honestly say that this is one of the best one-shots I've read, and yes I am being honest. I had a lot of fun reading, and I got a good view into Judith's life which is what most authors want out of there writing experience, or at least I do I don't know about you.

To answer your P.S. in your A/N I would like to inform you that this one-shot is...perfect. Yes, I can honestly say that this one-shot is perfect. There our no spelling errors, no grammar errors, no typos. The only thing I can tell you is that I wish my one-shots/novels looked like this. Again, I would like to say how sorry I am about getting this to you so late.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

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Review #13, by Browneyes101I'd Do Anything: Of Trains and Loons

8th June 2008:
Here I am again. :)

This was a good way to start with a chapter this deep into the story. You need to keep your reader interested and you've done just that, which I would like to complement you on. This chapter had a lot of...sass is the word I would use to express what I found in this chapter. This chapter was very well thought out and written beautifully, the only thing that I have a problem with is the flow of the events.

Bad news. The flow mostly is something that I saw that stunk out at me, and I don't mean to sound ride but this is the only problem in this chapter, and since that is it sticks out like a sore thumb. That mostly is the only thing that I see.

Hope I helped.8/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks :) I do have a hard time making the story flow, but I'm doing this to help with that.

Thanks again, it was helpful!


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Review #14, by Browneyes101Quite an Ordinary Birthday: "Your daughter is a witch, Mrs. Bathory."

3rd June 2008:
Here I am again. :)

Okay so here's the deal, I normally only do two chapters but since you only have three up I'll do all three. Now without further adue, your review.

First off I think that Ada was a bit too excited. I know at the beginning she just found out she was a witch, but for me I think she was going by stereotypes. You do have some fragments that I see throughout this chapter. I can't put all of them up here but I will put a few that I seen.

"This is so creepy. And exciting." (Lower case the a in and instead of putting a period, put a comma.)

'I shook my head.' "This must be some kind of a mistake. It just can’t be true-" (Before head put a comma.)

"That is so cool." (Correction: That was so cool.)

I suggest getting a beta to fix these problems.

Another thing that I noticed was that you put was too many dashes. Their is no need to use a dash in half the sentences in this chapter. I noticed it in the last chapter too, but here it was extreme. You also have some miss spellings, but I don't think I have room to put them.

Again, I'm sorry if I sound too harsh; I'm really a nice person. I do suggest getting a beta like I said before, they really help in situations like these.

Hope I helped.6/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Hey there again! :)
Wow, really? I was actually under the impression that I made her a bit too un-excited. :O I mean, she did just find out that she could do magic, I don't think you could get too unrealistically excited about that, ya know? :) That's just my opinion though, and of course I appreciate yours. :) And thanks for pointing all that stuff out, I know I have a huge problem with tenses, and quite an unhealthy issue with putting dashes in every other line. xD As for the misspellings, sorry, this is where I have to object. ;] I really don't think there's any, except probably mixing ways British and American people spell words.
Don't worry, you weren't too harsh, far from it. :) Thanks once again for taking the time to review! *hugs*


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Review #15, by Browneyes101Quite an Ordinary Birthday: A Sunny Saturday Morning

3rd June 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I'm going to be bluntly honest with you, and I really hope you don't mind. I think you didn't start this chapter off right. Example:

"I'm Ada. An ordinary girl, of brown hair and brown eyes, an average figure and a mind that brought me a lot of trouble - common life, I suppose, except that it was nothing like that. We'll see how things turn out in the end."

Normally people don't start out like this. Readers want to figure out who your character is, that's how people connect with the main character. I don't mean to sound mean (Hehe, does that even make since?) but a lot of readers don't like it when the author just gives it to them on a silver platter; give us a challenge to try and figure out who your character is.

Here is another thing that I found.

"Something in me changed - maybe it was because I finally let some things go. But, this is not a story about my past issues"

Only if you don't have any other choice should you start with but. I suggest lower casing 'but' and put before 'go' a comma. Because that first sentence is a fragment, so it would be good to combine the two sentences to make it look more professional. I don't think you should have that dash there, instead I suggest putting a comma because it's the beginning of the sentence.

Other then those two things you have a good starting point. I hope I wasn't too harsh I can come off that way when I don't mean to.

Hope I helped.6/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Hey there!
No, of course I don't mind, I appreciate your opinion. :) I know that normally people don't start like that, which is actually one of the reasons why I started it that way. ;] She's telling her story, so she had to introduce herself first, right? I get your point, though, don't worry. :) As for that other sentence, I guess I just didn't want those two lines connected, thought it'd make a different impression this way, but you're right, and maybe I should change the other line so that it starts with something other than 'But'. 'However', maybe xD Anyway, thanks for taking the time to review. :)


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Review #16, by Browneyes101More Than Meets the Eyes: A Little Help from Felix

2nd June 2008:
Here I am again. :)

This was a...informational chapter, to say the least. It gave your readers more on Marisol and James' personality. James is extremely intriguing to me and I really enjoy his thought process, I guess that's what you'd call it. The story line has grown since I first started reading this story. It's really exciting to see what will happen next; it just gives the reader that extra joy to read the next chapter. The funny parts are the ones I like best, they make you laugh after a hard day (Which I've had.) and makes you feel stress free.

To tell you the truth their is no bad news this time. Everything is prefect. Remember to come back to my post, I really want to see what happens next!10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks so much for another great review! I'm so glad that you like how James' and Marisol's characters are growing. And it also makes me happy to know that I succeeded at making the funny parts laugh out loud funny as I struggle with comedy a lot of the times. I'll be sure to stop by your thread to request for reviews on the next two chapters. Thanks again! =)

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Review #17, by Browneyes101More Than Meets the Eyes: Hope and Luck

1st June 2008:
Here I am as you requested...again. :)

I really enjoyed this chapter, it was very happy-go-lucky and to me their are very few chapters out there like this, so it is a good change. The description was well done, though I do think you could use more. Marisol, I see a lot of her character coming out; that's good for the fifth chapter. Her personality is very important for a reader to connect with the main character(s), and also that they understand the position she is in.

Here comes the bad news. I think that this chapter went a bit fast/slow. I don't know how a person can do this but you manged to do it, somehow. At the beginning you went kinda fast and went directly to the situation; some people may like this and some may not. Try to slow down a bit, but if you like it the way it is then please ignore this part. Towards the end you went kinda slow, as to were it got kinda dull. See if you could put together some kind of detraction, but I think that it's coming because things are just going too well.

Hope I helped.9/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your feedback. I think my pacing got better after this chapter... I certainly hope so, that is.

I'm still glad that you told me about the pacing problem with this chapter and when I'm finished with this story then I will definitely go back over this chapter to see what I can do to perhaps even out the pace a bit when I get more time on my hands. I really appreciate you telling me about that.

I'm happy to hear that you still enjoyed the chapter though and thought it was happy. Thanks again for reviewing. =)


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Review #18, by Browneyes101Under The Falling Snow: Frozen In Time

25th May 2008:
Here I am as you requested. :)

This one-shot was very well done; I really enjoyed the flow and plot of it. It was also beautifully written, and well thought out. The description was prefect, and I'm big on description though I think you came up to the challenge. All-in-all, an extremely good one-shot.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked it ^_^. Description was a challenge for me so I'm thrilled to hear it met your expectations. Thanks for the review!

kay~


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Review #19, by Browneyes101I'll Forgive Her Later: I'll Forgive Her Later...

25th May 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

This was very deep and depressing. I guess you wanted it that way huh. This reminded me of when my grandpa died, I was so mad because he left me, and I think Ron and I connected in that area. This was beautifully written and the flow was prefect; not too fast and not too slow. It made me tear up I'll tell you that.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: I wanted it to fit the challenge so yeah hehe glad you like it and I always enjoy when people can connect to stories on a personal level. I think it makes them more powerful you know?

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Review #20, by Browneyes101Won't Let you Fall: Won't Let You Fall

24th May 2008:
Here I am as you requested. :)

This one-shot was well written, and I really enjoyed the plot. This was a prefect song for this one-shot; I'm not real big on song fics, but I think you got me interested. The flow was also well done, nothing happened too fast or went too slow, which is really good saying as that's what most people have a problem with; including me.

Here comes the bad news. I think you put too much description. You need description, yes, but too much could ruin a story or one-shot; let people form there own images and use there own imaginations. That's what most people are here for.

Hope I helped.8/10

Browneyes

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Review #21, by Browneyes101Running From the Present: Girl Without a Name

22nd May 2008:
Here I am again. :)

I would like to tell you that I only review the first two chapters. You can request another two chapters if I have a spot open; just put I would like you to review for me again, or something like that, and put you link. Now, review time.

I liked that you put this chapter in Harry's POV. It makes it seem more interesting and very well thought out. The end was kinda funny; Harry's reaction to Lupin and Haley leaving him like that. I know it was a serious moment, but I couldn't help but laugh when I picture Harry in my head after that.

Bad news. I think that this all happened a bit fast in this chapter. Maybe you could slow it do a bit by adding description, or putting mini plots here and there. I would go with the description but I've always been a big description person and some people just aren't, so I would advise you to be careful about that.

All-in-all, a very good two chapters. Can't wait to see what happens next, but I have other reviews to get to so come by and request again. Hope I helped.8/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Two reviews is plenty but I will definitely drop in again to request the next 2 chapters :)

I'm glad that you enjoyed reading Harry's POV. I tried to make his actions and thoughts realistic so I hope I achieved that.

I was a little surprised that you found that this chapter moved too quickly but I appreciate your thoughts. As I think I mentioned in my previous response to your review I'm going to do a major editing project so I will take your advice into consideration.

Once again, glad you liked it and thanks for the review!


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Review #22, by Browneyes101Running From the Present: Running from the Present

21st May 2008:
Here I am as you requested. :)

I would like to say that I am so sorry you had to wait for such a long time. I'm afraid that school has been busy, but now that I'm out I'll be able to put more time into reviews. Now without further adue, your review (That rhymed hehe.).

The beginning was very interesting,and I enjoyed knowing how Haley felt. I think it's important to get a good feel for the characters. Haley seems really troubled in the beginning, probably because she feels she doesn't belong. Your description was well done, but I do think you can come on stronger than you did in this chapter (I'll go more into this in the second chapter.). The flow went smoothly and I could tell that their was a bit of a rush at the end.

Now, time for the bad news. I do think you could use some more description on this chapter. I, for one, am a big fan of description and not a whole lot of readers share my views; so if you think that it is fine with description please ignore this part. The second thing that I see is that you seem to pick up speed at the end. Kinda like when you're typing and you see that you're almost done and really want to get it to a close, so you type faster and may speed up, which I am also guilty of.

Hope I helped.8/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Thanks for dropping in to review: Don't worry about the wait.

I'm glad that you thought you found this chapter interesting. I see what you are saying about the descriptions but I'm going to do a major edit of the whole story while the queue is closed (no changes to the actual plot but just spelling, grammar, descriptions and some minor character tweaks) so I will take care of this problem then.

Thanks again for you review!




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Review #23, by Browneyes101More Than Meets the Eyes: First Day

20th May 2008:
Here I am again. :)

Know before we begin, I just want to make sure that you remembered my reviewing rule that I don't type on my post. I only review two chapters at a time you can come back and review for two more chapters when the slots are open, but I do want new people to review at my post too. Though I do hope you post again I really enjoy this story. Now, time to begin.

This chapter was very interesting at the beginning to the end. I really liked at the beginning when Marisol was introduced. She is a very interesting, and I really like her character. The growth of the characters have expanded since the first chapter, and I think that that is a extremely important to me. I think that allowing the characters to grow like you are is a great gift to have; this is a tribute that best-selling writers have. This is how good I think you are.

There is no bad news to put here. I would like to remind you to that I only do two reviews at a time.

Hope I helped. Keep the fantastic writing rolling.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: Whoa, thanks so much for another awesome review! I really enjoyed writing the beginning of this chapter, it was very fun to write. As with the rest of this chapter. And I'm finding that this story has got easier and easier to write as I get closer the end. Which I'm pretty sure there will be either 11 or 12 chapters of this as of this moment. I'm almost finished with chapter 10 and I can see the ending to this story clearly now. I am actually daydreaming about how to write the ending while at work or sitting in class or even when I'm driving down the back roads where I live (yeah, that can't be safe :P lol!) and I haven't even got to it yet.

I'm also glad to hear that I'm doing a good job on building the characters to grow more. Thanks again for reviewing and I'll be sure to stop by to request reviews for the next two chapters in a few days. ;)


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Review #24, by Browneyes101More Than Meets the Eyes: Off to Hogwarts

20th May 2008:
Here I am once again. :)

I have to say that I am very, very sorry for making you wait. Their is no excuse for me making you want this long. Please, I beg you to for give me. Now without further adue, your review (That rhymed hehe.)

First off, I would like to say that the beginning was awesome! No, I'm not joking. The flow was also excellent. You didn't go too slow and you didn't go too fast. I really liked the sarcasm you put into Kelsey's personality, and put some drama in that you put in it too; I think I speak for everyone when I say that drama is excellent when you think that nothing is going to happen. The Fred and James part was funny, and of course we need funniness.

This is where I put the bad news/suggestions. But, in this chapter there is no bad news. Not kidding. This chapter is as close to prefect as a writer can get it in my eyes, seriously. I know I'm saying that a lot, but I don't think you believe me.

Hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response: It's not a problem at all. I don't mind waiting for reviews. The wait is what makes getting reviews even more better because they catch you by surprise and I like being surprised.

I'm glad that the beginning flowed smoothly. There were a few spots that I ended up editing after I first posted this, so it's good to hear that it flows better. And I'm glad you liked the whole drama that I added with the whole Kelsey thing. Also, I'm happy that you found James and Fred funny as I find that humor is the hardest for me to write.

Thanks so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter. (=


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Review #25, by Browneyes101The Road Home: The Hole in the Wall

14th May 2008:
Here I am again as you requested. :)

Now, you know how I do my reviews I only do two chapters at a time so come back and request if you want. Now I really don't know what to say but this chapter is prefect. Once again I liked the chapter all the way around. Really, there is nothing more I can say.

I didn't really type anything but I hope I helped.10/10

Browneyes

Author's Response:

Hello again! :)

Yes, I realize it's two chapters at a time, and I appreciate your time in reading and reviewing, if for nothing else but to say that you enjoed it and I'm doing what needs to be done.

This is my first attempt at writing so whether it be praise of helpful criticism - I appreciate it! :D Thank you!



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