Reading Reviews From Member: seanos
48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by seanosNatural Talent: Natural Talent

10th December 2007:
Thanks for your entry to the challenge.
I'll try to sort out how we are judging it.


Author's Response: Oh, that's fine. I hope you liked the fic, Seanos.


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Review #2, by seanosBelieve: Believe

9th December 2007:
Nicely written sex scene, and it gives me some idea of how far you can go.

It is a bit incongrous that they fell for each other immediately after Hermione's Parent's funeral. Also knowing Bellatrix she would have tortured the Grangers for hours and trashed the place.

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Review #3, by seanosGraverobbers: Graverobbers

6th December 2007:
I really liked this. I am writing something similar Special Agent Gordon about an auror in the FBI.

Not sure the ministry modernised that fast to now have laptops and blackberrys. Also Harry would have been made to qualify on pistol when he was issued with it. I like covering an auror as an MI5 agent - but Harry would have to dress like an agent - not in robes.

Finally the confundus charm causes temporary confusion. To have the desired effect on the policewoman Harry would have to use an imperius curse to force her to hand over the files followed by a memory charm.

Author's Response: Doh! Good catches. I'm surprised that with as much as this story has been read that your the first to catch the robes problem... In the movies they call that a continuity error. I meant to have Harry cast an illusion over his robes, but left it out.

As for the pistol, yes, Harry would have had to qualify for it, and he did. That scene will be shown in another fic I have planned. Conner has a great demonstration with comparing the internet to a divination spell for information gathering quickly also in that planned story. I just want to make it clear that not all the Ministry went with the tech, just the Aurors and a new dept. that Hermione is working with.

Doh, good catch again with the curse. Re-reading the story, I can see that you are correct and I used the wrong spell.

Thanks for your review, it's this type of CC that really helps.

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Review #4, by seanosThe Maruader's Map's Secret Power!: Hermione Granger

6th December 2007:
A very interesting concept to allow the marauders to communicate to the trio without the nasty complications of time travel.

Surely Harry would have reacted when prongs spoke.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #5, by seanosOf Billywigs and Broomsticks: The Talk

6th December 2007:
I really liked this.

The dialogue was very funny, and you portrayed Fred and George well.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was hoping I did Fred and George well, I like them very much as characters but this was the first time i wrote them at all. I'm glad you like it and it came out well.

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Review #6, by seanosThe Biggest Betrayal of All: The Biggest Betrayal of All

6th December 2007:
This is from your post in the Rav comon room.

You are writing from 3 POV's in 1st person but it is confusing who is who. It might be better to use 3rd person. That also makes it easer to write action in it.

In the first sentence of each character make it clear who is talking.

Instead of:
I can't believe what I've just done.

I, Peter Pettigrew, can't believe what I've just done.

I read half of Sirius's tale before realising there was a POV switch.

The whole topic of Pettigrew's betrayal, his fight with Sirius and Sirius's imprisonment lends great scope for action scenes and discussions and accusations. It would be much better dealt with as a 3rd person narrative, in say 15000 words.

Your writing style is good and your spelling and grammar are very good.

Author's Response: thank you for the review. the actual challenge was to write it in 2 or more POV. I kind of wanted the reader to gues who was talking rather than say directly as it is only their thoughts but if it is better for the read the other way then i can change it. again thanks for the review

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Review #7, by seanosThe Rise of the Dark Mark: The Jailer of Azkaban

24th November 2007:
One thing is you might have had the trio use the invisibilty cloak or disillusionment charms in order to infiltrate Azkaban. Otherwise fantastic.

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Review #8, by seanosThe Rise of the Dark Mark: Godric's Hollow

24th November 2007:
I loved your discussion on the basis of magic.

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Review #9, by seanosThe Rise of the Dark Mark: Number Ten

23rd November 2007:
Really exciting so far. No mistakes I could pick up.

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Review #10, by seanosWhy I Hate Potter!: Why I Hate Potter

23rd November 2007:
Liked the title. Your characterizations are pretty good but you didn't explain why James was leaving the school. You could build up some good drama with that. Now there are a lot of grammar errors. The main one is not using capital letters for people's names. lily should be Lily. You could really use a beta as a proof reader.

Author's Response: thanks. i plan on re writting it to add some better stuff but the only reason Lily's name is in lower letters is because the comp doesn't pick it up as lily is a flower lol i dont want a beta (even though i really really really need one) lol i might ask my friend because she's kool. lol thanks agian for reviewing.

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Review #11, by seanosThe Sorting of Peter Pettigrew: The Sorting of Peter Pettigrew

23rd November 2007:
I liked this. Always wondered how Peter could end up in Gryffindor

Author's Response: Thank you Sean, I'm glad you liked this!

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Review #12, by seanosDisturbance: Volume I

23rd November 2007:
This is very well written, with accents for the French too! Blaise is a character who intruiges me. He is smart but reserved and stays out of the Malfoy/Potter fights. And you captured the mutual hostility well. Given Blaise's hostility to Ginny romance with a mudblood would be out of the question - or is it?

Author's Response: Thanks Sean for this great review! I also find Blaise to be a rather intriguing character... this story just sort of started out of nowhere. I'm just as interested to see where this one goes :P

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Review #13, by seanosHalfway To Infinity: Chapter Twenty-One: Bereavement

11th November 2007:
This is excellent so far.

I think you need to have a bit of backstory. How the British military were defeated so easily. Maybe Imperious charms on muggle polititians and generals.

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Hm... That'd be a good idea, but I wouldn't know where to include it, since it is Lottie's point of view. I'll try to find somewhere to include it.

Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #14, by seanosHalfway To Infinity: Chapter Seven: Andrea

11th November 2007:
I really like this. You have created a unique world. It would be good if you added a little detail on how Voldemort conquered the muggle world and how other countries especially the US reacted.

You used the word "scene" when it should be "seen"

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I do have a bit about other countries in Europe a bit later in the story, but that would be a good idea to include some other countries as well. Good call. ^^

Oh good call! i can't believe I didn't catch that! Edited! Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #15, by seanosBad World: Bad World

11th November 2007:
I really loved this. This is the only fic i read where a Dramione was believable too. I am writing a fic with a lesbian main character (but she's 30) and you really made me rethink how I am doing that.

Author's Response: heya sean! so pleased you liked this mate! wow a believable dramione amongst a slash fic? cool ^_^
give me a yell when that fic of yours is up - i;d love to read it! i have not attempted femmeslash and i'm not sure i know where to start with it.

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Review #16, by seanosFight For Your Pride: The Battle

9th November 2007:
I like the dialog and you developed the main characters well.
The fight with colour changing spells was good but maybe someone could have thrown a nastier hex.

When was the story set? You may want to refer to a canon character or 2 to give this a time. It could be set in the 19th century or post - war.

Author's Response: a nastier hex? Hmm.... maybe later ;)

Thanks for the review! Made MY day. And it's set when the Marauder's are in sixth year. By the way.

~ Caroline

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Review #17, by seanosUp the River: The Two Travelers

3rd November 2007:
Very good so far.

There are a couple of spelling errors. Also Hogwarts has an anti disapparation jinx so people can't apparate in. Apparition seems essential to your plot so you need some reason for the jinx to be lifted.

Otherwise grat job 8/10

Author's Response: in a recent update of my latest chapter it was told that because the merlin time turner was so powerful it could break the anit apparition jinxes. thank you for your concern. i fixed that almost immediately

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Review #18, by seanosThe Whimsical, Random and More Than Slightly Disturbing Musings of a Wandering Gryffindor: The Whimsical, Random and More Than Slighty Disturbing Musings of a Wandering Gryffindor

31st October 2007:
Very amusing.

Your paragraphs are way too long making this hard to read.

I think Katie is an excellent character to do a fic on and maybe you could add some reflections on quidditch and Harry.

Author's Response: well there might just be a sequel :P

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Review #19, by seanosLearning to Teach, Teaching to Learn: Learning to Teach, Teaching to Learn

30th October 2007:
Really good. You could go for a bit more on what Annie teachers.

First thing I'd do in that classroom is rip out the blackboard and replace it with a whiteboard.

One thing she could do is go through muggle newspapers with her class.

Plus a bit of muggle science.

In all great - I was wanting more.

Author's Response: There is definitely potential to go a lot further than this, I suppose I didn't really go into as much detail as I could have because I wanted to get it posted in time for World Teacher's Day. I'll have to come back to it in the future and expand upon it.

I agree with your whiteboard suggestion - I can't stand blackboards either! I like your ideas about the Muggle newspapers and science, I'll have to keep those in mind.

Thanks for reading and reviewing. :) If I get around to expanding upon this story I will let you know.

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Review #20, by seanosThe Dragon and the Phoenix: Donít Hurt Draco!

25th October 2007:
I really liked this chapter.

your fic has a lot of innocent charm.

Author's Response: Awww, thank you! Yeah, I tried to play up the children's feelings and point of view in this story. Especially considering the 5th chapter is a bit darker . . .

Thanks for reading - again!

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Review #21, by seanosThe Dragon and the Phoenix: The Horse Master of the Triad

25th October 2007:
There are a few grammar errors like an incomplete quote and too used instead of to. Also in Ireland they would say petrol or gasoline - not gas.

I really like what I've read so far. Lucius's arrogance shines through.

Author's Response: Well, Fiona learned that joke from Ashlee who used to live in America but I am sure I could put an explaining sentence in there like "Gas is the same as petrol by the way".

As for the 'too and to' thing . . . I was sure I'd gotten all of those but I will check again once my other corrections get approved.

Thank for the compliment on Lucius! I wasn't sure he really came though after watered the story down for this site.

Thanks for reading!

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Review #22, by seanosThe Untold Tale: Chapter Seven: The One With The Detention

25th October 2007:
I like this chapter. Your main character is interesting and James' character seems realistic rather than a saint.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing Sean!

It's awesome to know you like our OC, it's my biggest concern to write a character that isn't believable ^^.

What it comes to James, I'm really pleased on how we got him portrayed in this story...I find that he's often described as some sort of mischevious demi-god which is something I most definitely don't want to do ^^

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

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Review #23, by seanosRomula and Remus: Another Full Moon

19th October 2007:
I quite like this. You introduced your main character well.

You're writing 5 simultaneous fics? I am guilt ridden for starting a second before finishing my first.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Phew, glad the intro of Romula went well. I was quite nervous about that. And yes, I'm writing five the same time...I don't recommend it =P . If you write best focusing on one fic at a time, use that method. I'm such a spaz that my ideas are all over the place so I randomly start new fics.

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Review #24, by seanosTransformations: The Passageway

19th September 2007:
Really good chapter and good cliffy.

In your quotes you need to use full sentences.

I've added this to favorites

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Review #25, by seanosTransformations: The Mystery

19th September 2007:
Nice chapter. Introducing the mystery well. Is Harry Potter really head of the auror office? Shouldn't he be something a bit lower at his age like a regular auror?

Now with speech
Don't end quotes with a ,
Use a . or ? or !

Author's Response: Well I figured that he'd have to be pretty high up by now - after all, it is eleven years on from the end of DH in this story and he is the head of the office nineteen years later. I just thought he'd probably be up there by now. New to the job, perhaps, but it seems to me that the whole wizarding world would probably want him running the auror office. But I appreciate the suggestion a lot.
To your comment about speech punctuation I'm not quite sure what you mean, as it is 100% okay (and done all the time) to use commas to break up dialogue.
Thanks for review. :)

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