Oh, I loved it! Totally worth the wait! I particularly loved Glen's last statement that sounded like his usual mouthing off, sarcastic comment, but was actually true. I'm guessing next chapter there will be a new name, because sometimes all you really need is to talk. It's also really nice to see Hugo's circle of friends growing. His sister seeking him out, Albus talking with him, you know. Also, I'm hoping that Connie gets her priorities figured out sometime soon. In addition, I think that one of Hugo's names will eventually be James Potter, just because I can see the little mouse wanting to fix the relationship between cousins. Looking forward to reading more!Author's Response: I'm so glad you loved it, and it makes me really happy that you said it was worth the wait, and I know it was a REALLY long wait. Yes, sometimes just talking about something is all you really need, not necessarily for the situation to be fixed. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and the characters. Your review is so sweet, thank you for everything. Report Review
Yes! I knew that Glen's name would show up eventually. He's a character with way too much potential for you to not devote some serious time to him. And clearly he still really likes Lily and was really torn up when she broke things off. For the amount of talking Glen has always done Hugo knows surprisingly little about him. I can't help but feel that somehow this is all connected to Glen's dad. The cold, strict demeanor at the train station first year and now the appearance of his mother sort of confirms points to it. Glen's dad has to be around somewhere. I can see Glen getting upset and protective over his dad. Clamming up for once and not wanting to say anything.
Also, I can't help agree with Hugo that Connie's only acting in anger and that if she wasn't so riled up she wouldn't have kissed Hugo. It's not really fair to him.
I also think that Hugo owes it to a few people (Glen namely) to explain why he's acting so different this year.Author's Response: Some very astute observations, if I may say so myself. Thank you for reading, reviewing, and (seeming to!) care about my story and characters. It means a lot to me, thank you! I hope everything is living up to your expectations! Report Review
This story is just so wonderful! I'm so glad that you updated! I LOVED the part when Lily just smacked James right in front of the whole Quidditch team. That was fabulous. I'm also enjoying how you show how Hugo's life is slowly changing. With the Potions professor being more patient with Hugo and Hugo starting to help people before he realizes that he's been assigned, like with Mipsy. The way that he's starting to face his fears is great too. It's really showing how Hugo's starting to grow up. I can't wait to see how Hugo continues to grow in his own way and how he is able to show all of his family that he's really alright.Author's Response: James certainly deserved it! Hugo is definitely changing, slowly but surely. He is starting to face his fears and bit and, in doing so, is growing up. He really is alright, and keep faith in his family; they'll come around! Thanks for the wonderful review! Report Review
Hugo is the best! I love love love love LOVE him. Of course, James probably wasn't the best person to declare his undying love to Connie for, but still. I'm really excited to see if Hugo follows this through and actually explains things to family members or if he clams up and goes back to his old ways. Oh, and the scene with Hugo and Connie was SO cute. I absolutely loved that part, and when she fell asleep on his shoulder I got butterflies in the pit of my stomach at the cuteness. And then of course Glen and Lily who are both realizing that their "fake" relationship really isn't as fake as they thought.Author's Response: No, for the first time in his life Hugo has done something without thinking it through, and it is going to have some messy consequences. I'm glad you liked the cute parts. I'm really out of my element when I attempt to write romance, and I knew Hugo was not one for passion-filled lust fests, so I had to go all cute instead. Yeah, Lily and Glen are certainly an interesting couple.don't tell Lily I used the word "couple." Thanks for the review! Report Review
"I didn't ignore the fact that phrasing it that way made me feel giddily happy." This line made ME feel giddily happy. Also loved the line about working up the nerve to touch the "coveted ginger hair". Absolutely splendid! This story makes me really really happy. I think that you did a good job of showing the interaction at the workplace that deals with the Audrey/Percy relationship.
I really liked the date. A future Mrs. Weasley absolutely needs to be a good cook, so I'm glad that we've clearly established that. Although, being Audrey, she only expects complaints about the cooking, not compliments. A very nice chapter over all, and of course I loved the ending. Looking forward to more sometime soon!Author's Response: I dated a dude with red hair once. It eventually had to end because I'm also a redhead and people kept asking if we were related, which was more ickiness than any normal person can deal with. But the point of this is, ginger dudes are boss, even from the perspective of a fellow redhead. XD
I can't attest to the cooking skills of the other future Mrs. Weasleys (I'm pretty sure Ron hit bad luck in that area, and I'm inclined to think the same about George, as I don't see Angelina in the kitchen much) - but I always envisioned Audrey as a good cook, partially because I see her as very nurturing in general.
Thank you for the review!! Report Review
HA! I guessed right! Your story makes far too much sense! It's a good thing, don't worry. Anyway, I knew that it would come down to Legilimency somehow. I didn't anticipate the whole regret literally eating Voldemort alive though. And I definitely did not anticipate the killing of Colm. I'm hoping that you have a good reason for killing literally EVERYONE that's basically ever been mentioned in this story, with the exception of Lottie. I'm really curious what you're going to have her do now, and how much of the whole "how the world changes because Voldemort's finally gone" stuff you're going to do. I would be quite interested in both of those. There's just so many places you could take the story now, so I'm really excited to learn more. And also to see if Lottie allows herself to finally feel. Break down and cry because of all of the horrible things that she's had to do.Author's Response: I think you'll see quite a bit of what you want in the epilogue, though it is shorter than most chapters I write.
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
YES! I knew it! Lottie goes back!
Can I just say that I really really like the fact that it was Harry waiting for her in the white mist world and not somebody like Palymitor or Dumbledore? It was just really really nice to have somebody that we know obviously knows about this sort of thing there to help explain as much as he could. Although I'm trying to figure out why Lottie hurt so much. Maybe it's because Lottie's soul has been damaged by all of the times she's murdered someone, while Harry had never outright killed someone the way Lottie had. That's got to leave a mark on your soul.
I'm really looking forward to see how Lottie choses to defeat Voldemort. I'm guessing something to do with Occlumency and Legilimency because those are her strong points, and I believe that she was wandless when she died. I'm excited just the same.Author's Response: Thanks! He seemed like the only right character when I was planning this. More than anyone else, he has been her guide in this story, although she has never met him. Palmyitor taught her a lot, but Lottie would never want to see her at a time like this.
You hit the nail on the head with that guess. The characters are really just their souls in the scenes in the Camp or King's Cross for Harry; although there is visual imagery, they don't have their literal bodies. (This is how I interpreted it anyway.) When Harry went to King's Cross, all of the pain he suffered was gone because his soul is pure; Lottie is not that fortunate. She has a lot of regrets and had to do a lot of Dark Magic to get where she was.
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
I knew it! I knew that it was Colm! He was gone too much and always acting so strange, I just knew it! Particularly because of the scene where Andrea died, I knew that it had to be Colm. It's heartbreaking that he would allow himself to become brainwashed enough to kill Andrea, but I knew that he also wouldn't be able to kill Lottie.
I'm really interested to see if killing Lottie the way that Harry was killed in the forest has any effect on Voldemort. Perhaps because they're blood related something might happen? Because having your main character die after all of this seems like a bit much. On the other hand, if Lottie does live, I'm sure that I don't know what she's going to do with herself, with Andrea and all of the heads dead, and Hermione, and her parents, and just about everyone important except Colm, who you have to kind of hate because he's a traitor, even while you feel really bad for him. I'm guessing that Andrea had to die because of Snape telling Voldemort that she was the hope of Alesmore a while ago?
Anyway, brilliant story, and I'm really excited to see what you do with the next segment.Author's Response: Well Andrea was killed by Colm, not by Voldemort. Her death had less to do with who Voldemort wanted dead, and more with the Death Eaters attacking every student, and Colm's dislike of Andrea.
You'll see what happens soon!
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
Go Neville! Can I just say that I'm really really happy that Neville stepped in to save Lottie? It seems like a very Neville, good person, sort of thing to do. You can see him thinking that Harry would never have left a person behind ever and he'd be darned if he wasn't going to do the same. I think that Andrea, Neville, and Lottie should run this war. Andrea because of her compassion for people, Neville because of his compassion coupled with his experience (realization of what it means in the real world) and Lottie so that intelligent plans could be thought of. That would be cool. That was me rambling though.
Anyway, I'm excited to see what happens when they get back to Alesmore. Neville is NOT going to be pleased with Palymitor's view on things. He's going to be majorly ticked actually, and Lottie is most likely going to over react or not react at all. And then of course, Andrea's going to want to know about Lottie's parents. Oh my. And when is Colm making a significant reappearance?Author's Response: Yeah, Neville and Andrea certainly lack Palmyitor's coldness. In a way that makes her a great leader because she doesn't dawdle over details; the flip side to that, of course, is what we all see--that she doesn't mind letting people be killed if they're not important.
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
Only halfway there? Really? So there's ANOTHER sixty eight chapters in this story?
Okay, just joking. I realize that that's not what Palmyitor meant. I just couldn't resist. Absolutely splendid chapter by the way. I really really like how you talked about how the voices behind the veil were just thoughts. It makes more sense now why there might be only some that can hear the veil. It doesn't explain everything, but it makes sense. I'm going to have to think more about that later, as it's quite an intriguing sort of a idea.
I thought it was terribly sad that Andrea and Colm could tell that something was different about Lottie. They could tell that she had killed, that she had marks on her soul that can't ever quite be washed away. However, you've still got a lot to show us about what Colm's been up to and what he's thinking. He seemed to be getting quite personal with Snape there, and then he went on a blood-thirsty rampage at the end, but he still seems to really care for Lottie. That's still a really loose end in my mind.
I would like to say that I'm really really glad that we got through a battle without anyone dying for once (at least not on their side). The death of Snape was really awesome, but it does leave us hanging a bit on a few issues, such as why Snape was so reluctant to hand Lottie over to Voldemort or even kill her directly. Are we ever going to get those answers now that he's dead? There weren't any memories left behind this time.Author's Response: Ahahahah that would be astounding if I had that many more chapters left... more like ten.
My first beta (TheBird) and I actually had a very, very long discussion and fleshed this idea out pretty fully before I wrote it. I was so frustrated with the fact that there were so many loose ends with the veil in the book.
Yeah, this is one of the few times where Alsemore fares pretty well. And I'm sorry I didn't tie up all of the ends with Snape... I prefer leaving them loose because Snape is such a loose character; it seemed untrue to him to answer everything so completely in the books.
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
I understand why Shiloh would choose not to tell anyone about her suspicions about Valiant's parents and her mysterious bruises, what with Shiloh's past and all, but I have to say that I don't think that it's quite right. If Valiant's parents were abusing her, then something needs to change, and it's pretty clear that Valiant is not about to tell anyone. I don't disagree with the way that the storyline fits the characters, I'm just saying that I hope that Valiant, who none of us really like particularly well, doesn't have to stay in an abusive situation. And it also explains a lot of Valiant's behavior. On a completely different note, when are we going to find out about Jacob's terminal illness? Sounds an awful lot like he's not expecting to live beyond a year. The last Christmas meant a lot to him, a bunch of signs are there. When he is going to finally tell them?Author's Response: Honestly, I could not agree with you more. The right thing to do in the situation is to immediately get her help. But as you admitted, it's very true to Shiloh's personality. I don't write my characters to always be right; I write them to be human. Flawed, mistaken, but human.
Also, on another note, I'm really shocked to find out no one likes Valiant. Okay, shocked isn't the right word. But really, she pretty much faded into the background. The only reason to dislike her was because Shiloh didn't like her, but really, Symone, Nicolette, and Persephone all did. I would have figured that someone would have figured out that there was some redeemable quality to her. I suppose that just goes to show how readers cling to the main OC's POV. Interesting how it works like that.
And again I'm shocked, asking for spoilers and expecting me to give them. Tsk, tsk. Plus, don't go assuming you know what's going to happen with Jacob yet. You could just be wrong.
But thanks so much for the review! I love long thoughtful ones! Report Review
Splendid chapter, as always! My favorite part was the cute scene between Connie and Hugo at the Three Broomsticks. They're so cute together, and they get along really well. I loved Hugo's comment about how big his family is, and how it got Connie laughing. James is totally right to be jealous.
The other thing that I really liked about this chapter was the way that Hugo ended up helping Professor Ramsey. He wasn't able to do exactly what the Professor needed this time, unlike the other ones, but he was able to help him deal with the after effects. I think that it was really important to show that even when you can't help someone get precisely what they need, it is possible to still help them in other ways. (And I can't help but think that potions might start getting better.)
Oh, and I also really liked how Hugo is starting to finally stand up to Glen. You know, like telling Glen to stop doing stupid things that will ruin his classmate's potions and create a scene. It's about time. I can tell that you're not going to ever make Hugo stop being Hugo, but he is going to become more confident and better at communicating with others.
Looking forward to the next chapter, of course, and once again great job on this chapter!Author's Response: James should be jealous which is a new and unpleasant experience for him. I'm glad you really understood the part with Professor Ramsayl you really hit the nail right on the head! Thank you for absolutely everything you said, I appreciate it so much, you have no idea! Report Review
Loved the last line. She was convincing herself as much as she was convincing him. And she killed Pip! I was so worried that she would have to do something to her parents or something, but I hadn't even thought about her Muggle friends. That's absolutely terrible. Also has to be rather terrifying that you find that you have enough hate to make the Crutiatius curse work. And the whole killing your old friend thing. But I think that Snape's glee sufficiently shows that he truly is evil, so I'm glad that's addressed once and for all. Or at least really really twisted. And I really like Bran. I hope he doesn't get too messed up by all of this, because he seems like a really nice kid despite all of the brainwashing.Author's Response: The Dark side really can get to a person. Poor Bran has been the subject of propaganda since he was a child--there's no way he would believe anything differently. The sad thing about him is that he has to do such terrible things, and he's only fifteen years old. He's scared out of his wits, but he thinks it's the right thing to do.
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
Well, straight to the lair of the Dark Lord himself! I hadn't expected that to be her first solo assignment right off the bat, but I suppose it makes sense. Harry certainly had enough interaction with Voldemort at this point in his life. I'm really excited to see how she handles the work, and I hope that she doesn't do anything alarmingly rash, as she has a tendency to do. For example, when she runs into Snape again. I'm enjoying this story though, although I can't help but feel sad that Lottie's emotions have been so smothered that she has resorted to Ron's style of thinking about emotions. However, I'm eager to see what happens next. I'm rather optimistic as well about the prospects of killing Voldemort sometime relatively soon. Hopefully it's before Lottie loses touch with humanity completely, because even though Harry's emotions prevented him from being a good Occlumens I thought it was one of his most admirable qualities, and it's sad to see his relation so estranged from her own emotions. I'm eagerly awaiting more, as always, and I have to admit that most of the time I forget that this isn't actually canon or anything and I cannot simply demand more by turning to the next chapter.Author's Response: Well, she's been pretty carefully pruned for this mission for years. It wasn't exactly a quick decision on the heads' part.
Yeah, Lottie is certainly different from Harry in that sense. Being a little colder has its pros and cons, but it can be rough on the soul.
Ahaha, sorry that there aren't more chapters. =P But there will be soon!
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
Excellent chapter. Things really are coming to a head with this crystal palace thing. My major criticism is that the scene with Ginny and the weekend break seemed a bit forced. I appreciate the need to acknowledge Ginny and to break up the action a bit (show that Harry does have a life outside of work, even if it's very small at the moment) but it felt a bit forced. I'm not sure what the best way to work around that would be. I did appreciate the scene however, understand where it was coming from and all of that, and I'm waiting for more quite eagerly.Author's Response: laughinghard91
Thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying the crystal palace mystery. We'll be at the end soon.
Mrs_Granger Report Review
I do agree that this chapter was necessary but rather uneventful. I'm glad to hear that Draco has at least a theory for what happened to Hermione, because if he didn't then this story could go around in circles for a very long time. This gives them a starting place. And the blackmail idea is quite excellent for the moment as a means of getting ideas from Draco. I don't feel like there is too much to comment on in this chapter, as it was rather filler, but now I'm waiting eagerly for the next chapter!Author's Response: Haha, yeah, I knew you would point it out, so I thought I would add it in my notes at the end ;) The uneventfulness of this chapter, I mean. I hope the next one will live up to your expectations, though! :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Okay, so I'm starting to agree with Andrea that Colm's bad news. I mean, seriously, a little sparrow comes fluttering through the window and he says, oh, let's kill it? I mean, seriously, he almost killed Andrea! And he's acting really weird. Lottie tells him quite a bit about her life, but he doesn't share much about his. You're probably doing this intentionally, but I'm really rather upset about it because I know how strongly it would affect Lottie if Colm turned out to be traitorous or she couldn't trust him anymore. Anyway, I can't wait until the next chapter where we get to see what Palmyitor wants. I'm sure it'll be something exciting, as your interactions with Palmyitor always are.Author's Response: Colm has certainly become more violent since becoming a werewolf, which has something to do with it; he's been changing a lot recently.
Thanks for the review!
Eponine Report Review
Well blast. And here I was all ready to find out what Snape's inscrutable thoughts meant before. I'm glad that Andrea and Lottie are friends again, although I can't help noticing the similarities of how Ron and Harry mended their friendship in a similar fashion after a long period of not talking, which involved jealousy, and a dangerous situation. But it was logical, and if they hadn't become friends again I would've been quite angry. I love this story by the way, I can't remember if I've ever mentioned that before. I love how you've taken the world of Harry Potter and completely developed it in a new way. Hopefully the next chapter holds a few more answers. Even if it doesn't, I'm eagerly awaiting it!Author's Response: Haha Snape is a pretty murky and evasive character, isn't he?
Ahh, yeah I definitely see those similarities. That was probably in the back of my mind somewhere, I'm guessing.
Thanks so much for your kind words!
Eponine Report Review
I really hope that this story doesn't go downhill with the somewhat cliched forced engagement to Draco Malofy, the man she hates, story. I think that if anyone can pull it off, it's probably you, but I really really hope that this doesn't ruin the story and that the story becomes too centered on Draco, particularly at this point. Hermione's still got several mysteries to solve, not to mention parents to appease, so I hope that you can show that you're above some cliches and can still make the story good, because it would break my heart if you weren't able to maintain your high standard. Although I think that Malfoy did quite a nice job on his acting, and your writing was brilliant as usual.Author's Response: Oh gosh! I need to tell you, I absolutely love your critical reviews! They give me so much to think about when I'm considering where to take the story from this point onwards.
I'm striving quite hard to keep the story as unclicheed as possible. There certainly won't be a forced engagement, I can promise you as much! It was never my intention, and I can assure you that they'll only have to act like a couple as long as they're inside the Ministry. Love/Lust/Warm-fuzzy-feelings definitely won't spark to life because of this scheme.
I was originally planning to write more from Draco's point of view, but now I've decided to put the focus on Hermione, instead. She still has a lot of mysteries to solve, as you rightly said, and to be honest I had almost forgotten about Hermione's parents. I'll definitely let them stay in the story somehow, so thanks for the reminder.
I quite enjoy writing Malfoy's character in this story. I usually find it hard, what with him being so snarky and cruel, so I hope I can keep that up as the story proceeds!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts :) Like I said, they're immensely helpful to me when I'm plotting the future chapters! Thanks for reviewing!! Report Review
Brilliant as usual. I love the development that you've put into Hugo and those around him. You're doing a very nice job of weaving together several plot lines. The crush on Connie, the current note that he's working on (in this case Prof. Ramsey) the follow up on people with the old notes (like sending Pamela letters and staying friends with Charlie) and the Glen/Lily relationship. This chapter did a really good job of weaving everything together, and you still manage to keep the story moving along at a good pace. The only criticism I could find of this chapter was that Professor Ramsey conveniently had the memories that Hugo needed to see sitting in his pensieve on his desk. I realize that it was rather necessary to the storyline, and you wrote it well and as believably as possible, but if I was going to pin down the weak point in this chapter that would be it. However, I personally like the way that you did it. I was wondering how he was going to figure out his professor's problem without completely giving himself away. I'm excited to see how he helps the professor, so please update soon!Author's Response: The "only criticism?" I'm flattered you think so. I think your criticism is valid and quite on the mark if I do say so myself. The plot in this chapter was quite a bit contrived...to say the least, and I'm glad you called me out on it. Thanks for the review, both kind and helpful! Report Review
Wow, you really did update quickly. That makes me really happy, just to let you know. This chapter wasn't very satisfying however. It was a little bit too much confusion and not enough explanation. Meaning, the reader knows perfectly well what's going on, and Hermione has a pretty good understanding of what's happening and who everyone is, but it seems like she ought to tell Harry and Ron and Meredith that she thought that she was living Meredith's life. More time is swell and all, but it seems like she has to leave them with something after declaring her love for Ron on multiple occasions. But, it's your story. I'm sure you've got a plan for how the pace will pick up and people will start filling in the gaps a bit. (Hermione still doesn't know how Meredith knew she was in a coma for example). Anyway, that probably seemed a bit critical, but I want to assure you that I did love it, I was just hoping for something more.Author's Response: Hi, and first off, thanks for reviewing :)
I'm sorry you feel that way, though :/ I have to tell you that I feel very awkward trying to write Hermione's interactions with Meredith, mainly because I feel that Hermione, as a usually rational and intelligent character, seems unlikely to blurt out something like that without thinking about the consequences. And there's also the problem of Ron and Merediths' reactions... Ugh. Maybe I'm just postponing it because I'm dreading the moment where I'll actually have to write it... I will, however, look into this chapter and try to do some rewrites, maybe slipping in a confession of some kind somewhere in the chapter :)
I do have a plan now. I have to admit that whilst writing the last chapter I was rather clueless, but having spent some time plotting I've thought of something for the next few chapters at least. I have to admit that yes, I'm dragging it out, but I am shooting for a novel-length fic and if every mystery is solved there is no way to keep going.
Haha, I feel like I'm making a lot of excuses. However, I do take your review to heart, and please reread this chapter in a few days because I will definitely put time into making it more satisfactory before I post my next chapter :)
Wow. This response became very long.
Thanks for your honest opinion! :) Report Review
So my sister walked into the room just as I read my favorite line of the whole story and broke out into outrageously loud laughter for three minutes straight. "I mean...fancy bumping into me again tomorrow?" That has to be the funniest way that I have ever heard of anyone asking someone out, and that is SO totally Percy. It really was the best moment of this whole story.
I think that you're doing a fabulous job on this story. I am really enjoying the first person perspective. This is the sort of story where you get a real advantage from being right inside of the character's mind, especially as all of us already know quite a bit about Percy. The only advantage writing in third person would give you would be to switch who's telling the story, but from what I can tell, it looks like you can tell an awesome story just from Audrey's perspective, and it makes it much more original and interesting.
As for Audrey herself, I absolutely love her. I think you need someone who's quieter and more low key if they're going to be interested in Percy and take time for him. They have to stop long enough to really see who he is, or else they'll skip over him like his family has a tendancy to do. She's also separate from all messy connections in the Weasley family, so she doesn't have a bunch of bias against how a Weasley should act or him in particular, apart from the workplace. I'm looking forward to the next chapter! I really think that you've got a lot that you could do with this story, and it's a story that really ought to be told, so I'm eager for more!Author's Response: Thanks for the fantastic and thoughtful review!
I'm glad you liked that line. Tom Hanks (the love of my life) said something like it in a movie once, but the line was delivered much more suavely and casually, so I tweaked it a bit, keeping the same idea. I do think it works for Percy, doesn't it? I find him incredibly adorable and try to make him appear so without being OOC.
I enjoy writing from Audrey's perspective exclusively, which is why I decided to keep it - I enjoy giving my readers a view into her thoughts, considering we know nothing about her from canon. I think first person can be tricky and come off as insincere, but I just hope that Audrey's muted personality helps counter that.
I'm very glad you like Audrey. I can't see anyone else working in a relationship with Percy. If she were as high-strung as him, what a stressful marriage that would be! I always thought she would have to be someone very compassionate and nurturing, who sees the good in people whereas he gets easily irritated. And I did intentionally make her homeschooled because I didn't want her to have any past knowledge of the Weasleys. She's brand new and naive and very introverted, so she doesn't know many people at all, and I kinda love that about her.
Thank you again so much for the review. I hope you decide to keep reading when I get future chapters posted!
Melanie Report Review
Excellent story! I haver to say that I really like your view of veelas being exceedingly conscious of the flaws of others. I think veelas are so interesting, creatures that have a lot that can still be explored about them, and I think you're doing an excellent job of showing some interesting things through Fleur's point of view. Just two quick notes in this chapter, you mentioned Luna sitting next to Dean after saying she'd left with Harry, and when Bill's talking about Xeno he says, that he tuned most of it out two times in a row. You might want to go back and fix those small things, but besides that, keep up the awesome work!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I think Veelas are interesting, too, which is why I wrote this. :)
And eek, you're completely right! See, this is why one shouldn't write a story at one in the morning. :P Thank you, I will edit that right now! Woops. Report Review
Haha, stubborn Rose. I'm kind of upset that Kenny's knocked out though. I was rather looking forward to that particular reunion. Nice work with the whole ambiguity in who cast the Avada Kedavra curse. Haha, is it funny that I feel bad writing that curse down? Anyway, I would agree that this wasn't the best battle scene that I'd ever read, but it was decent. You didn't dwell too much on the battle, which was a good thing, as you admitted that is your weak point. I'm afraid I'm not terribly good at writing battles either, but some things that you could do if you had wanted to put something more substantial into the battle would be to perhaps add in specific spells that were used, and who cast them at who, description of how the room is torn apart, and where Kenny is during this mayhem. I really enjoyed Rose being childish at the hospital though. That was excellent. I hope to see more up soon! Finally the reunion between Rose and Hermione!Author's Response: Thanks for the review!! Yeah it took me a long time to write that and it wasn't very good. Well, the story doesn't center around battles for that very reason. :) Report Review
"Sorry, it just seems very coincidentally helpful." AHAHAHAHA! I was rereading this chapter because I couldn't remember what had happened, and that struck me as hilariously funny. Partially because it's true, but that's not important. Anyway, very glad that Hermione's up, and I'm eager to read the next chapter and see what's happened to Kenny. Excellent work!Author's Response: haha yeah, I knew it was kinda contrived, but the story had to get moving, so I figured, why not make it a joke? I'm glad you liked the chapter and I hope you like the next one!! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection