I liked the prologue. It was a nice introduction to the characters and the story. You didn't tell too much but you told just enough to keep the intrigue. God job!

Author's Response: Yep, that's exactly what I wanted to do. I didn't want to give the plot away too much. Thanks for the review!
x

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Well, I did like the chapter. To be honest it's not really the style of writing I like to read. Your OC speaks too immature. There are better ways of conveying immature in a story than having your main character speak with bad grammar. But that's just me. There's a nice plot underlying here. I honestly wasn't expect James and Chloe to be hooking up. And we all like to rag on the "hoes" of our schools. But don't talk about them too much. That could get very annoying. I would also try to add a little something to Chloe. I felt like I've read a story about her before. It's a very stereotypical character type. And one more thing. Isn't the lyrics in the dorm for "Starstrukk"???

Author's Response: Yeah the lyrics are from Starstrukk, it was late when I was writing the author's note hahaha, I already edited it, but it needs to go through validation again.

As for the grammar, I fixed most of that with my beta (this is the un-beta version haha)
I can see how it seems how the 'biddies' seem a little forced now, but it's mostly a set them up because Chloe's life gets wrapped up with them soon.
Yeah I'm trying to stay away from the stereotypical! in the first chapter I wanted her to seem normalish then you eventually her faults and quirks come out, like when you actually meet someone in real life.

thanks for the review! (especially since it wasn't your usual cup of tea) it was really helpful and i will def take what you said into consideration especially Chloe's characterization and the grammar. :)Yeah the lyrics are from Starstrukk, it was late when I was writing the author's note hahaha, I already edited it, but it needs to go through validation again.

As for the grammar, I fixed most of that with my beta (this is the un-beta version haha)
I can see how it seems how the 'biddies' seem a little forced now, but it's mostly a set them up because Chloe's life gets wrapped up with them soon.
Yeah I'm trying to stay away from the stereotypical! in the first chapter I wanted her to seem normalish then you eventually her faults and quirks come out, like when you actually meet someone in real life.

thanks for the review! (especially since it wasn't your usual cup of tea) it was really helpful and i will def take what you said into consideration especially Chloe's characterization and the grammar. :)

becca xx

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I don't feel any emotion in your writing. It's just letters on a page instead of words coming together as pictures and scenes. I found myself bored with it very early in. I would suggest grabbing a thesaurus and looking up some new words. I think that's what one of your big problems is repeating words. I really hope it does get better, but it's just not really for me.

Author's Response: Thanks for giving it a chance, i will work on what you said.

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Poor Hannah. This is my favorite chapter so far. Lots of real emotion in it. Overall so far it's a job well done.

Author's Response: thank you very much. :] i appreciated all your reviews!

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I'm guessing the thing Ron gave him was a wedding invitation. I could be wrong though. Why won't Neville let her see it? That confused me some. I still wish that these chapters could be longer and I hope that the first person POV helps you along.

Author's Response: thank you so much for your feedback!

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That was very sweet for Neville to do. Now maybe I'm a little confused but are Hannah and Neville best friends or something more than that. Maybe I missed it when I was ready. I just wished this chapter was a little longer and had a little more substance to it. Overall nice work!

Author's Response: they're just friends at this point in the story. thank you for the review!

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It's a really nice way to start off a love story. I really liked that opening paragraph. The whole losing her innocence thing really set the tone of the story for me. Now I love detailed writing but sometimes I felt as if it got a little too descriptive. I would sometimes get lost in the sentences but overall it was a good start.

Author's Response: i'll work on that, thanks for the feedback!

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Close quarters for Oliver and Ellie. I think it's really sweet that he let her sleep in his bed. I think someone has a crush. I know that feeling of writing a chapter over and over again until you finally get it right. But it pays off. I can tell that you really devote your time to this story and that you enjoy writing it. I hope you keep on doing what you're doing because this story could be great and has a lot of potential.

Author's Response: thank you!!!

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Not my favorite chapter but it was still well done. I just feel like you didn't put as much into this chapters as the other ones. I did chuckle when Oliver showed up in the pitch in just his boxers. He definitely cares about her. Can't wait to find out what happens to Ellie.

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

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I like how you are slowly building this relationship change for Oliver and Ellie. I hate stories were it kind of just happens all the sudden. I feel like I'm there watching it happen. I can definitely feel Ellie's pain, so that means that it was written extremely well. I know that you wanted me to comment on your consistency. As of yet, I haven't found anything that threw me off. I'm sure having the beta really helps. Great job so far!

Author's Response: thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful reviews. They really help me.

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Boys...something inside me was fulfilled when Ellie threw that slipper at Wood. He most definitely deserved it. I'm really engaged by your OC. It's rare for me to find something like that, where I can't help but want to read more. I can't really find anything wrong with the story except for a few minor spelling and grammar errors. No biggie though. Can't wait to keep on reading!

Author's Response: thank you!!!

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I forgot how much I love Oliver Wood. It's been so long since I read anything about him. I love his admiration for the sport, being a sport fanatic myself. He reminds me of some of the coaches I've had before, so you did a good job in that department. I like Ellie as well. She seems like a real person, obviously not perfect. She seems like someone I would go to school with or hang out with. I like the whole Oliver walking in on Ellie scene. I cringed when I read it. I can feel her embarrassment. You wrote that well. I would expect a little more teasing from Fred and George though. They like to get under people's skin. I like that you said "the Untouchable Oliver Stone". It set I really good characterization tone in my mind for him. I like this story so far and I can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing. YOu're so kind.

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First off I would like to say this is my first time reading a Draco/Hermione fic. I always liked the bad boys. Now, I know you didn't want me to read this yet, but like a said, I had to. I really do see potential in this story. The second chapter especially. I guess I connected with her wanting to run. We all would like to run away from our problems sometimes. Even though Draco is a prick, I could see how someone could fall for him. There is a human underneath all the armor and shields. So anyway, I do have to say something about the formating. The first chapter should be reformatted so the lines are closer together. Maybe it's just me but that bothers me some. I would also re-read and edit before putting out a chapter, but I make the sam mistakes myself. Also, lengthen up the chapters a little more. Add some depth to the characters. It's hard to write about major characters because there is already so much put into them. You have the task of making Draco and Hermione your own while keeping them in line with what J.K. gave us. Good luck and I really do think that you could do something with this story. Let me know when you fix it up a little and are ready for me to read it. I look forward to seeing what you do and I hope this helps a little.

Author's Response: You have no idea how much it means that you read this. I have follwoed your stories for such a long time so THANK YOU so much. I am working on getting this story together. and I will deffinetly message you when im ready! I just got a Beta because i am horrible with formatting and grammar so hopefully she will help me [:
Thank you!
xxJess

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I thought it was brilliant. It was entertaining and it felt real. I remember how I felt when I met my boyfriend's parents. I was terrified. I loved the beginning when you were describing Lily's mom and dad. I felt like I was there in the garden with them. Amazing. This is what I strive to write like but I know I will never get there. One of my favorites definitely!

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When Oh When are you going to update??? I'm starting to panic a little, like I'll never get to finish reading this story. I NEED to know how it ends!!!

Author's Response: O M G. i am so sorry.
i've been totally sidetracked by real life... i haven't had time for this and i'm horrified to admit i've forgotten all about it.
but as soon as i get a decent chapter written... this story will be finished!
thanks for the patience :( im a horrible person

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I haven't had time to read the chapter and I finally got through it and it was wonderful. I smiled, like cheesy, goofy smile, when Vic face planted on the stage. Like she said Karma is a bitch. I can't believe she told Sirius that. How could she break his heart like that. Olivia doesn't love Dennis, she delusional right now. It's those damn Slytherin. Sirius needs to march up to her and say I love you and let all those emotions out. I won't be satisfied until that happens. I'm glad there wasn't a lot of Lily and James in this chapter because even though they always have a place in my heart, I'm still mad at them. Well, anyways. I can't believe there's only THREE chapters left. What will I look forward to after this story is complete? It will be a sad day that will only leave me wanting more. Great job as usual and I can't wait to read the rest.

*10/10*

Author's Response: Haha, oh karma. Vic had to have seen it coming.
Sirius might/might not get a second chance... will he have the guts to actually tell ollie? read on ;)
and you never know, maybe she does love dennis? you'll find out everything soon enough.
AW, i'm sorry... but 3 more i know! it's weird to think about it!

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ok, so I would just like to know when you plan on updating. I am dying without this story. I need to know what's going to happen, so just put me out of my misery already and update. Pretty please with a cherry on top???

Author's Response: i was going to do my best to update before the queue closed! but i was a day late :(:(
but don't you worry, as soon as the queue opens up my new chapter is going up for validation!

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You are rotten. I was like holding my breath, waiting to see who won, and YOU just left it there like that. How dare you??? I liked the chapter though. James is a dick, but he's been a dick for while now so that's no surprise. And I love Remus. And I hate Vic. And I really don't like all the Slytherin people. They're corrupting Olivia. Job well done!!! I can't wait for the next chapter!

*10/10*

Author's Response: ah!! that's what i deserve for writing a cliffhanger i guess!
hahah thanks for the super review!
xox

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When are you going to update??? I see you lost a lot of your reviews too. At least I'm not alone. I can't wait to read a new chapter for this story.

Author's Response: Yeah, a lot are gone! but that's okay i guess.. not much we can do about it!
actually an update should be tomorrow!
i put it up for validation like yesterday morning!!
finally i know! but i'm sorry.
you probably know how busy you can get sometime!
i'm pretty excited to read another chapter from the life of shay :)

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This chapter was cute and funny. I liked how love sick Vic was in this chapter. The world was moving fast and Vic only seemed to notice Remus. And she's kind of dumb when she's in love. But who isn't? I feel bad for Olivia though. She needs Vic right now and Vic is hanging out with her enemies and estranged boyfriend. Jeez, the drama is boiling. Oh, by the way, because of you I now have penises on the brain and that's never a good thing. Brilliant as always.

*10/10*

Author's Response: ahaha aww thanks for the funny review and for leaving one every chapter! i bet it isn't :P

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I was so excited when I saw you posted a new chapter! I think Olivia is going to go ape shit on everyone pretty soon and I can't wait to see it. James was a real jackass and I think Olivia and Sirius should hook up. That would be lovely. Vic is pissing me off. She should be loyal to her best friend and quit trying to sabatoge her. Lovely chapter and keep up the good work!

*10/10*

Author's Response: thanks so much! ye, olivia's pretty much pulling out her hair right now (not literally aha) and vic's being dumb i agree.
keep reading and you'll see what'll happen!

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jeez. This little statement “Now, Sirius. I don’t know why you’re holding my boob, but can you please let go?” she asked." made me die for a couple seconds. Literaly die. I stopped breathing because I was laughing so hard. Loved the chapter as usual.

*10/10*

Author's Response: ahah aw, i'm glad i made you laugh! thanks for ALL your reviews, they make me so happy :)

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mmm, I loved this chapter. I loved when Olivia said James and Lily would never look good together. Made me laugh. Keep up the good work!

*10/10*

Author's Response: thanks a lot! haha, ironic isn't it?

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I have a gut feeling that Victoria is going to get screwed over by Remus and Olivia again. I kind of can't wait for it to happen. Still love the story!

*10/10*

Author's Response: ahah you're so evil ;p
thank you!!

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ah! cliffhanger! I loved the announcer kid by the way. Made me laugh. I can't wait until the next chapter!

*10/10*

Author's Response: ahah i'm glad you did :) thanks for all your reviews and ratings!


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