This was really well written! Your description is amazing and I love your writing style! I only saw about two grammar mistakes, which isn't bad. I loved the overall feel of the chapter and the idea behind it.. going through the stories of the Blacks. It'll be interesting to see their stories and to see why exactly they were blasted off the tapestry. Great idea!
I really loved the piece about time in the beginning, but does that have to do with this chapter or the story in general? If it's the story in general, it seems a bit odd to sit there in the beginning by itself. It's probably too short for a prologue, but you could try to make it a little longer to add on a separate beginning chapter. Or you could even label it the prologue at the beginning of this chapter and then label after it chapter 1. Just a thought.. ignore me if that wasn't your intention at all.
I really liked the relationship between Isla and Bob here, but I thought there could be a little bit more content there. It was beautiful, don't get me wrong, but I'd like to see a bit more of the story.. it's almost wanting me to know more about the character and where she's coming from. Are you going to go back to these stories? If you are, just ignore me again. Other than that, I really enjoyed this!Author's Response: Saying that my description is good is probably one of my favourite things to hear XD When I first started writing, it was something I was always criticized for, so knowing that I'm been able to overcome that feels quite nice!
Thanks ^_^ I'm always one for the under appreciated characters, and while doing a re-read of OotP I suddenly thought how great it would be to write about the blasted Blacks. And volia. We are here :)
Ah, I know, I agree. See, I started this 2 years back so I can't quite remember the purpose of that. It's selfish of me, but I like it too much to remove it. I was thinking about doing the prologue thing, and I will probably do that now :)
It's sad how attached I've become to Isla and Cedrella (her story is in the works - chapter 3) and I really wanted to extend their stories. So I completely understand. For now, this will probably just be all there is, although I may go back and add some more elements to Bob/Islas relationship. Once I find time, which is hard to do these days XD
Thanks so much for the amazing review! It's really, really appreciated! Report Review
I thought this was great! This is probably going to be a pretty short review, because my reviews end up being shorter if I really enjoy stories. I loved your description in this chapter. It's really difficult to do coming from the perspective of a kid, but I thought you did a pretty good job here, showing Kayla's naivity towards some situations, but getting that information out to the reader. I really loved the description of the butterfly in the beginning.. just the way you did it was so nice and beautiful. Kayla's a really interesting character, and I'm definitely going to keep reading to see where this story is going. I wonder how that confrontation with Mulciber and the other man is going to affect her and if her father's going to do anything about it. This story is great so far, and I'm sorry I don't have any critique to make.. I loved it! Report Review
Aww.. I just thought this story was adorable and put Lucius in a much better light than I've ever seen him in. I like that we got to meet real life Lester in this chapter and that Astrum got to accompany him to the meeting and helped win over the company and that Lucius defended her. I love him from this story. I loved Lucius talking about the woman's bathroom too.. haha.. I love your sense of humor. Sorry these reviews have been pretty short, but I don't have anything to critique, which usually results in shorter review. Great story!Author's Response: Thankyou very much. Lucius is just too much fun and Astrum doesn't take no for an answer. If you want more comedy, check out NY this direct prequel or even the rest of the anthology. Report Review
I have to admit that I cheated and saw in another review that the names are all backwards.. haha.. I love that. I was just going to ask where you got those names from.. if you just made them up or if they were from some type of language or something. I have to say I love that it's the story of the tax collector.. so adorable and I'm glad that I did figure that out before submitting a review! I loved this.. what a great idea!Author's Response: Thank you. I thought it fitting but it isn't too horrible for a child to hear this story albeit Astrum loves that sort of thing. The story came to me the day before I prepared my taxes and after seeing some reports on gvt spending. Report Review
Oh, this sounds intriguing! I don't really like Dramione's, but this one isn't so bad because it hasn't really focused on the relationship at all, at least yet. It's surprising that Lucius is actually there for a granddaughter that isn't pureblood, but it's nice. I like this little set up for the story, and I'm interested to see what's to come. Sorry I don't have much to say, but this is a great start!Author's Response: thank you. Yes Lucius has been journeyed to this point of accepted his son's choices after dealing with so much betrayal by his former comrades. That and jail has changed him. In prior stories, you will see that HG showed him kindness when none would. Report Review
Well this chapter really confused me with the italics. I think you accidentally messed up with the flashbacks and kept on the italics in places that should be in the present. Definitely take a look at that and fix it up.. I only got the sense that it was the present again when Severus was wishing her a happy 20th birhday. There are also a lot of places where the end of the quote is on the next line, instead of at the end of the sentence. I'm sure you didn't mean to do it, so I'm not going to go over an explanation. Just read over this chapter again and try to fix it all up. It makes it difficult to read that way and shows a lack of caring if it's kept that way.
Again, I'm not too sure I like the flashbacks here and I think I found out why in this chapter. I really like the present because it's something that I don't read about too often. I've read it all before.. what you have in the flashbacks. There are so many stories about them at Hogwarts together, the present is just refreshing. So I'd suggest sticking more to the present than going back. Of course you can add in flashbacks every now and then, but keeping to the present keeps this story unique and fresh.
I do like that you've changed to Severus's point of view. Are you going to go back and forth between the two? It's nice to get both of their thoughts through. And I love that you make Lily kind of oblivious to Severus's love for her.. she just doesn't get it and it seems so likely that she wouldn't notice him loving her so much. I think you've definitely got a good plot here and you've gone off to a pretty good start. Just a few things to touch up on and this'll be very good!Author's Response: I just checked the chapter, and I see what you mean. o.O It wasn't like that when I sent it in. Weird. I completley understand why you'd be confused and slightly annoyed by this, I would be too. I most certainly am going to go fix that in the next couple of minutes! Thanks for putting up with the craziness!!
Yes, I will continue to go back and forth between the two points of view. And you should get your wish, the next chapter is definitely more focused on the present and I'm quite sure the others will end up being mostly or all present too.
I'm glad you liked the basis of it. =) Thanks again for reviewing and dealling with the bad formatting!! Report Review
This seems like a pretty good start! I love Lily/Severus (and James/Lily too, which is weird), so it's always nice to read stories about them interacting. From the beginning, I kind of got caught up on a few words that didn't seem too much of the Lily I imagine, but I really can't criticize that. There's not too much in the book on what Lily's character is like at that age, so she can be created any way that you'd want really. I hate when people criticize me for being out of character for a character that's just minorly mentioned, so I think it's great for you to create her however you want.
I didn't really notice any spelling or grammar issues here, but I was a bit more focused on the story line.. I'll try to look out for those in the next chapter. I like that they meet up simply at a grocery store and the reason why she's back is sad, but makes a lot of sense. I love the jealousy of Severus finding out about her pregnancy and the fact that she married James so quickly. Poor guy. I'm not quite sure I enjoyed the flashbacks too much (especially the second one).. they were just okay to me (just giving me honest opinion). They just seemed a bit long for a first chapter and I just wanted to see more of the present. But it was a very good start to the story.. I'm headed off to read the next one!Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you feel like Lily can be portrayed many different ways, since there isn't a lot of canon views of her. I understand that the flashbacks may not be some people's style, so I can understand why you didn't like them. Some of them were quite fluffly. *blush* I'm glad you thought it was quite good overall though. Thanks again for the nice review. =) Report Review
So things are starting to come together a bit more in this chapter. I'm starting to really understand what character is what, though I'm still not quite sure who's good and who's bad. I do think I like Scorpius's character though, I'm not sure why. I like the other side too though. Hmm.. dealing with vampires.. that's an interesting plot line. I do wonder why he's doing that and what will come from that. I still love your writing style and don't have anything to critique. I think you have a great start here.. thanks for requesting it! Report Review
Oh boy Oliver.. just had to have that talk with her. At least they're being honest with each other. I love Jane's freak out once he mentioned what he was thinking. They're so adorable with each other.. I love the bickering back and forth and whatnot. And the relationship with Oliver and her father now.. what is going on with him? Hmm.. I wonder, and I'm looking forward to finding out. And Alicia and Bastian.. well, I guess I'll see what happens there. At least Jane won't be bored any more.. no more thoughts about cleaning toilets. Great chapter again!Author's Response: No more thoughts about cleaning toilets indeed! I'm glad you liked this one. Even though it was a filler I loved when sex came up. Jane just flipped. Cracked me up. I hope you like the next chapter--finally some more familiar faces! Thanks! Report Review
I just love this story! I loved Jane at Oliver's parent's house. It's such a nervewracking experience and she got shut down completely from his parents. I love her inner-thinkings as the conversation went along. She went in there with maybe a bit of confidence, but all of that went away as soon as she met them. Now it's understandable as to why Oliver is the way he is with Quidditch.. just like his parents.. well at least a little bit. I just love Jane and her father too! He's so uptight, but he even pretended to ignore that Oliver was over... aww. Hopefully Oliver will get some training in and not end up being kicked off the team before the first game.. nah.. he's too good for that. Haha.. great chapter!Author's Response: Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed it. It was a hard chapter to write just because I felt bad for Jane. Poor Janey getting fire-bombed by the 'rents, but at least it gives more of an understanding of Oliver. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Hmm.. really interesting. I love the way this plot is developing. It's still not too difficult to follow along, even though not much is explained. You're letting the story unfold slowly and I like that. You're doing a good job at building up the plot and introducing the characters without specifically saying so, which some authors have trouble with (and it leads to a boring story). Again, I really like your style and how you've set out to tell this story. I'm just getting into this story now, and I don't have anything to critique at this point. Great start! Report Review
I had to read this over twice just to get any sense of what was going on here, but I love stories like this that make me think a lot. I like that you just started this in the middle almost and even started this chapter off in the middle of some type of activity. I like that you didn't try to explain everything, but just went right ahead.. I presume we'll be learning a lot more as the story goes along. I find it really interesting so far and I like your style of writing so far. They description works well and the words flow together and I really have no complaints right now. On to the next one! Report Review
Wow, great start! You sucked me into the story from the very beginning and now I'm really curious to see where this is going. I like that you included the year in the beginning to show that something has changed and that it's not a part of the past, but a change that happens in the future.
I really like that you didn't give too much of an explanation of what's going on right now. It made it a good introductory chapter and it brings on the drama and definitely makes me want to read more (which, I'm sure I'll do as soon as you add another chapter). I want to know why Squibs have to go to the Ministry and just why the world is that way. This chapter does a good job at setting up the story and showing what the people are like at that time.
Description was very good and I loved that you gave the character an accent.. you highlighted that well and it gives it a nice touch. I was just thinking about how most stories that I've read don't include accents, so it's nice to see it done that way for a change.
The only suggestion that I have, which may be contingent upon what's actually going on at this point in time is the reaction to their child being a Squib. They didn't seem overly surprised or shocked, but Squibs are very rare when there's any magic gene at all, from what JKR has said. Now I don't know if it's different because of your story line, as it seems like there could be quite a few Squibs if they have a Squib detector and a plan of what to do with them, so it's hard to say. But overall, the emotional aspect of the mother seemed to be a bit weak. She obviously cared enough to send her child to someone else and act like she was a stillborn, so I'd think she'd have a little more emotion about what's going on. Even a tiny scene of her looking at her baby and seeing the beauty or something would be a nice addition. But overall, great start to this story!Author's Response: Hiya!
Aww, thanks :) I wanted this chapter to be mysterious, but not so that people are like "Gah! Vague!" :P I'm also pleased you like the accent, it was fun to write but not so fun to have to keep remembering to drop the 'h' and so on :P
Thanks for your critique - I understand that Squibs are considered to be very rare, but this is explained in a later chapter. Thanks for pointing out to me the emotional aspect of Julianna and her baby - I plan to edit this chapter once I'm a few more chapters in. :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I really can't seem to keep up with you.. you get these chapters out so quickly and now I'm already ten chapters behind. Oh well.. at least that means I have much more to read. I've missed Jane (oh no, I hope that's her name, but I might be as bad as Oliver's father). She's quite a character and even if there wasn't much going on here, I love the dialogue with her and her father and her and Oliver as usual. It's so much better now that they're together.. she's going to have some fangirls pretty jealous of her. I do wonder what Oliver's relationship with his parents is.. I'm sure I'll find that out.. great chapter!Author's Response: I really do get the chapters out fast. I feel bad that no one else has been really updating lately. Not no one, but not as many people as before. You know what I mean, I'm sure. Now that i'm on summer break that makes things easy. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! Report Review
Yay, I'm finally caught up, and I absolutely loved this chapter! So much happened.. where to begin. Well, I guess first off, I'm glad that Trelawney told Remus what she did. That sets up a good bit more of interaction between the two of them. I like the foreshadowing them.. it should at least get Remus to think more about his relationship with her. Yes, he is probably a lot better of an influence than Quirrell, though it seems like it might take a lot for her to get over him.
I loved McGonagall's role in this chapter. I've read a lot from Freddy's perspective, showing low self-esteem about her teaching, but McGonagall doesn't even seem to be as critical about her job.. she seems to think she's an okay teacher, much better than Freddy probably thinks of herself. It's nice to get that perspective to see that she's not a complete failure at teaching after all.
And the dreams.. well, they seem to be coming together a bit more now, and I love that you're continuing to use them and continuing to bring the story and plot together through them. It's a great tactic and I can't wait to read more! Great chapter!Author's Response: Hi Labby!
I feel so very bad for not responding to each of your fabulous reviews promptly. Please forgive the delay. I had my college formal this week and I had no free time at my computer :(
But as it is, I really don't know how to properly thank you for your reviews. They've been so wonderful. And I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed this chapter. I actually rewrote it several times, because I was quite unhappy with the earlier drafts and it just kept getting longer and longer. ;)
Chapter Sixteen has already been written and I'm hoping to post it on Monday the 25th, if you're interested. Again, thank you for everything, Labby! I hope you have a great weekend!
celticbard Report Review
Oh, I loved the relationship between Freddy and Lias.
They've got some interesting past there. And I loved getting to see the flashback and finding out more about Freddy. Those flashbacks help a lot, and I love how you've been revealing them slowly to progress the plot. The writing and description and everything else is wonderful as usual. Off to the next one!Author's Response: Hey Labby!
I'm seriously in love with your reviews. I only wish I had something intelligent to say in response. You must be getting bored reading "thank you" over and over again, hehe. ;)
Yay! I'm glad you liked the flashback. It was a bit shorter than usual, but I wanted it to be abrupt. Drawn out romantic scenes are sappy, in my opinion and I wouldn't want to bore my readers with a lengthy description of a kiss. ^_^
Again, thank you SO much!!! These reviews are really fabulous. Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Wow, a powerful chapter! I had to reread over the dream sequence a couple of times, but I'm still not sure what's going on there. I hope it'll start to unravel more as the plot goes on. I loved Hermione and especially Ron in this chapter. Haha.. Ron's.. well he's pretty great. It was a nice break from the more seriousness of Freddy's situation. That last line was quite intriguing though.. she reminds him of Quirrell... hmm.. I wonder what that means. Glad I have more to read!Author's Response: Hi Labby!
I'm so thrilled to hear that you enjoyed this chapter. ^_^ I actually didn't like it, but that's just me. I tend be very critical of my own writing and I do have a tendency to overanalyze, hehe.
Yes, the dreams are a bit confusing, however, I'm hoping they'll make complete sense once the big secret is revealed in the next few chapters. *crosses fingers* Hopefully I haven't been too cryptic! ^_^
I'm glad you enjoyed Ron's brief appearance in this chapter. I was nervous writing him, as I always am when I tackle any canon character for the first time. ;)
Take care, Labby!
celticbard Report Review
Wow, you're just powering out these chapters! Not complaining at all.. I love it! And of course, any interaction between Freddy and Remus is wonderful... even if it's bickering back and forth between the two of them. There's something there between those two. I love that Remus says he doesn't have to like her, but he's still cautious of being nice to her at times. It's such a Remus thing to do. Loved this chapter and I love the Freddy/Remus interaction. Off to read more!Author's Response: Hi Labby!
Hehe, I see all my updates have kept you busy. ^_^ Thank you so much for the abundance of reviews! You truly made my week. :)
I'm so glad you enjoyed the interaction between Remus and Freddy. It seems as though these two always play off their differences and never notice their similarities. It's a shame, because I think they could be really good friends if Freddy wasn't so defensive and Remus was less concerned with fitting in with the staff. ;)
Thanks again, Labby! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Wow, great job on fixing Snorky's brain Dobby. Now look what's happened. I was just thinking that it would probably be easier to be a psychologist in the wizarding world what with being able to erase people's memories, but maybe not so much. Wonder what the reaction to this all will be.
I love that there's been a girl in their dorm for so many years that they haven't noticed.. haha... self-centered much? I thought this was a great chapter, and I'm looking forward to more as usual! Report Review
Ah.. I just love the psyc lingo. I'm a dork, I know that, but I love it! It's so nice to be able to return to reading this story.. I've missed James and Tegan and all of those Gryffies. This was another great chapter, and I am glad that Quidditch is finally coming back! I'm looking forward to the Quidditch match and to see what happens with them all (sorry for the mostly unintelligeable review.. I just want to read more). Report Review
Wow, so some questions answered here, but a lot more have opened up. What's going on with this Alessa girl and her mother? Hm.. and I wonder who the Dark One is and if it could possibly be Voldemort or if it would be someone else, most likely from the Wizarding World. You've got me hooked and now that I've reached the end, I want more! I can't wait for the next chapter! Wonderful story so far!Author's Response: Hello Labby!
Wow, you've completely spoiled me with all these fabulous reviews. I know I've said it a million times before, but thank you!!!
As far as Alessa, her mother and the mysterious "Dark One", well, I can't say much. ;) However, I do promise to start answering all of your questions soon. ^_^
The next chapter should be posted tomorrow. I hope you have a great week! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Wow, talk about an action packed chapter! I loved the description of the monster.. really sounds terrifying, especially from Draco's reaction to it. I'm glad he finally decided to go ahead and use his magic.. now Cybil will know a bit more of what exactly's going on with him and how he's really not a terrible person (well, maybe). Can't wait for his explanation! Great chapter again!Author's Response: Hi Labby!
Thank you so much for reviewing! I really do appreciate your feedback--it has been so very encouraging. ^_^
I'm glad you enjoyed the action in this chapter. And yes, Draco finally got to use his magic. I suppose it's about time, even though it will complicate his uneasy relationship with Cybil. ;)
Thanks again! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Draco has a wand now.. well, I suppose that's good. I wonder why it was just sitting there. It should help him though in figuring this out and being able to defend himself. I love your details as usual and the way you're telling the story.. I just love your writing style, and I'm off to read more!Author's Response: Hey Labby!
Wow, you're seriously spoiling me with all these wonderful reviews. Thank you SO much!!!
And yes, Draco finally has a wand. As to why it was just sitting in the desk, well...perhaps it was *left* there for him. (hint hint ^_^)
Thanks again, Labby!!! I hope you have a great week. Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Oh boy! Well, it would make sense that out of the two of them, Draco would be the one to realize more of the danger of the situation and to be able to tell her a bit of what's going on, if he even knows. The Dark Mark? I didn't see that one coming. I wonder if it really is the Dark Mark or something else or maybe this is even where Voldemort got the mark from or something like that. I do wonder if there's something you're not telling us about Draco here.. maybe he does know what's going on.. but maybe not. My head's just spinning with theories now. Great chapter!Author's Response: Hi Labby!
Thanks a million for the lovely review! Yes, Draco is definitely sensing the danger of the situation more than Cybil, probably because he has experienced very dark magic first hand. As far as the Dark Mark, well, you'll have to wait and see, hehe. ;) I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but the presence of the Dark Mark in Silent Hill will be fully explained in chapter thirteen. ^_^
Again, thanks for the great feedback! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Ack.. I didn't meant to get so far behind, but I'm glad I have so many chapters to catch up to. Yeah, I don't think Draco's going to be under arrest for that long, knowing that things are likely going to just get stranger. I love that they're together now.. that should make things pretty interesting. And her suspicions of what Draco's up to are most definitely correct, but I get the sense that she'll start to figure out a bit what he's really like in a bit. Off to read more!Author's Response: Hello Labby!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! As always, it was wonderful to hear from you. ;) Hehe, you're right, Draco won't be under arrest for long. Even though Cybil would rather keep him in handcuffs (for her safety as much as his) she'll soon have to set him loose, if only to ensure their survival. ^_^
Again, thanks for reviewing. I'm so glad to hear you're still enjoying this fic. Take care!
celticbard Report Review
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