Reading Reviews From Member: SereneChaos
  
491 Reviews Found

Review #26, by SereneChaosBludgers and D̶e̶s̶e̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ Corridors: Bludgers and D-e-s-e-r-t-e-d Corridors

8th January 2014:
Haha, poor Dean! It's too bad he and Ginny didn't work out in the long run, but I guess it's good in a sense--now Dean can pay attention to all the bludgers coming his way! :P

Author's Response: Seriously, I feel like the theme of this story is just "poor Dean" :( Too bad he was after the same girl as the Boy Who Lived!

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Review #27, by SereneChaosOne Blaze of Glory: For a Thousand Sweet Kisses

6th January 2014:
Aw, that last line was so sweet! I like the idea of inspiring a werewolf story from Rent and I'm enjoying seeing the wizarding alter egos in your story. Something I think could be better is if you hold back just a little bit on the explanations. There are a few parts in this chapter, and particularly in the first chapter that feel a little too weighed down with information (for example, I can get the gist that Nadia is a wonderful person through her actions so far in the story, rather than being told outright). That said, I'm a little confused about the magical policy on werewolves. Is magic for werewolves illegal, and is that why Romulus lights a fire with matches? But then Nadia uses a wand to heal Aisling, so I'm not so sure I understand.

Beyond that, I think you've got a great start, and good luck with the rest of the story!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for leaving a review!

I can see how that would've been confusing (I suffer heavily from "it-made-sense-in-my-head-itis)
The Ministry has no official policies regarding werewolves. They do, however, have policies regarding primarily wizarding living areas.
If there's a place that's densely populated with magical people, the Ministry wants to know. Which I think makes sense. So, for example, you wouldn't be able to have Godric's Hallow without the Ministry knowing it.
So they can't use magic in the building because then the Ministry would come to check it out (I mean, four dozen people living in one building and using magic would prompt a visit), and if they found out they were all werewolves probably wouldn't be very friendly to the idea.

So basically, they can't use magic as a building policy so that the Ministry doesn't find out.


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Review #28, by SereneChaosUseless: Useless

6th January 2014:
I think you got both challenges down to a tee. For only 500 words, this story feels complete, and I'll be honest, there's not much that's more uncomfortable than hearing a dead person talk about how they were only useful after they had died. What I like most about this fic is how clean and honest Ariana's voice is. Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was really trying to keep Ariana young and calm, and I'm glad I got that across in so few words! Your review means so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Shay :)


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Review #29, by SereneChaosDragon Fire: A living fire to light the darkness.

6th January 2014:
That was beautiful. I loved your choice of moments between them and just, gah. It was so sweet! Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #30, by SereneChaosKill Your Darlings: Ambition

4th January 2014:
I love your Andromeda! She's got just the right amount of spice that Bellatrix has in the books (minus the crazy) to make her seem like a believable Black sister. Her interaction with Ted will make a great starting point for how she changes in the rest of the story. And I loved how you wrote Narcissa and Lucius, especially as a sickeningly sweet loving couple. Your characters are so alive that I'm excited to see your next chapter! Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your sweet review! I'm glad to hear that you like my take on Andromeda. I've always thought that she would've had a lot more sass and warped ideas than many people attribute to her. After all, she did come from the same environment that produced Bellatrix and Narcissa, and I've never thought of her as being the innately "nice" sister. I think all the Black gals are capable of twisted behavior--in their own special way. :)

And yes! I'm excited to be writing Narcissa and Lucius in a family environment, where we get a chance to see their nice sides around folks they actually like, complete with their ooey gooey, too-perfect love story. The second chapter is on its way. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #31, by SereneChaosA Slytherin, Miserable: Condemnation

4th January 2014:
Great story! I think it was good that you didn't give Albus the choice--it makes it seem a lot like Malfoy's sorting where the Hat barely touched his head because he was so thoroughly a Slytherin. I also have to give you credit for writing out a whole Sorting song! Way to go!

I have some mixed feeling about the flashfowards at the end of the story. I understand that they're there to show the effect Slytherin had on Scorpius, but it felt a little bit like it dragged down the rest of the story. (And as a side note, if Blaire Preston was sorted directly after Albus, isn't there a good chance they would have met sooner than 5th year?) I did like the mention of Scorpius and Albus becoming best friends though, especially in the fact that Scorpius had a choice.

Good work!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, it really means a lot. Yes, I do agree that the fact that Al didn't have a choice is more ideal bc if JK had her way, he probably would've been able to choose.

Hmm... I do get what you mean about the flashforwards but there is a reason for that. You see, I have the bones of a story about Al & Blaire but I'm not sure whether I'll get around to doing it and if I do, giving the plot justice. The novel idea thrives a lot off the fact that Al just stops caring. Because Al turns away from the fame, he will have met Blaire but it wouldn't be until later that he'd actually actively speak to her if you get me? Also Blaire is one of those types of girls that sticks to her friends so she would have no reason to speak to him. I included that flashforward in case I don't end up posting the novel. I hope that explains everything

Yeah I am a huge fan of Al & Scorpius' bestfriendship so I couldn't resist ;)

Thanks for reviewing!! (and what u said about the song)

Dirigible_Plums


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Review #32, by SereneChaosThe Divide : Heartshaped Box

4th January 2014:
What an interesting idea! Poor Lily and Mary, though good for them for sticking with school! I thought this was a neat idea, and I liked that you set up the scene to show what life is like now that there's no Dumbledore. That said, I almost feel as if there could have been a bit more action (interaction between more characters, maybe?) to make the most of the chapter.

I noticed there are some pretty large gaps between the paragraphs. That's a pretty easy fix though--when you paste the text for your next chapter into the text box, make sure you select "paste as plain text". It will take away all the formatting, so you'll have to go back and add in italics and bold, but it will take away the large gaps.

Anyway, good start, and good luck with the rest of your story! :)

Author's Response: Hey, yeah I feel sorry for Lily and Mary too, but I wanted to depict the discrimination accurately without glossing over it, so they're in for a bit of a rough ride :/
Yeah, it was a short chapter and not much happens, but hopefully the next one should be meatier and get the plot going a little more.
Thanks for the formatting tip - will definitely give it a go and also thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it!!


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Review #33, by SereneChaosDoorsteps: Wide Green Eyes

3rd January 2014:
Haha, I loved this! Especially Petunia suggesting that they give Harry back! To be honest, I found your tone full of dry humor, which is exactly how I think the Dursleys need to be portrayed. It wasn't boring in the least, and there were quite a few little funny moments in the chapter (I also liked Vernon's last line about nosy neighbors, haha). It ends the scene so perfectly that I feel as though the last scene with Petunia and Harry isn't really necessary. That said, I loved this story and thanks for writing it! 9/10!

Author's Response: Yay, I'm so glad you did! Yeah, I tossed that in there for fun, haha, and I wasn't aiming for dry humour but I'm so glad you found some anyway! Little funny moments are very helpful in livening up chapters, and yeah I was wondering whether that last was really necassary but in the end I stuck it on the end because I'd already written it. I'm so glad you liked this story and haha no problem! :D Thank you for this lovely review!

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Review #34, by SereneChaosOperation Wandless: Chapter 3

3rd January 2014:
Ah! This is so cool! I'm not familiar with Spooks, but I love the idea of aurors having to go to the MI-5 to be trained! You have such a wonderful light and airy way of writing--it really reminds me of JKR's tone of voice in the original HP books. Amy, Robert, and Julius are fun to read--though maybe the childishness between Robert and Julius is a little heavy handed. I wonder if it might get confusing later on having two Harry P's as the leaders of their defense agencies, but I guess there's not much to be done about that. Whatever the case, this is an awesome beginning and I'm excited to read the rest of this! Adding to favorites!

Author's Response: Hi, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. And you're completely right; two Harry P's is probably a bit confusing. It's certainly difficult to write, especially when they're both appearing in a chapter.
Thank you for reviewing. It means a lot!


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Review #35, by SereneChaosFlashbacks of Past Christmas: Past to Presnt

25th December 2013:
Eek, that was so bittersweet! Good work, especially towards the end with the whole Weasley family trying to set up the Christmas tree the muggle way. It seemed like a spot-on type of thing for the Weasleys to do, haha. And, merry Christmas!

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Review #36, by SereneChaosThe Christmasification of Molly: The Christmasification of Molly

24th December 2013:
Lol, 'snogging between an old coat and a sweater vest'. That's perfect! I loved that little detail and the way good old Uncle Charlie knows how to make Christmas bearable for Molly. :P Good work, and merry Christmas!

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Review #37, by SereneChaosHis very first Christmas Card: His very first Christmas Card

24th December 2013:
How interesting! I like the idea of Malfoy getting a Christmas card and feeling obligated to send something back, haha. And I loved how you came up with your own wizarding phrase, 'I'm not Abraxas'. What a great detail!

As a tip for formatting your story, since I noticed the wide spacing between paragraphs, if you are copy-pasting from MS Word, it's sometimes easier to switch to the simple editor and then add in the code for italics afterwards. Otherwise, you end up with these large gaps between paragraphs.

Merry Christmas!

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Review #38, by SereneChaosA Black Christmas: A Black Christmas

24th December 2013:
Oh, the Black family is so complicated, isn't it? I liked reading how they all interacted with each other, and it was interesting to see the different levels of prejudice the family members had towards poor Ted. Something that I think could have improved this story would be just a little bit of description between the dialogue. On it's own, the dialogue says plenty, but details in between would help orient us in knowing which character is saying what. Otherwise, good work, and merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Thank you so so so much for your review! Happy to hear you liked the way the characters interacted, it was fun to write it (obviously I owe everything to JK and the perfect way she portrayed them all).
You're right, I definitely need to improve the descriptive part... I'll try to put more effort in it with my next stories.
A bit late to wish you a Merry Christmas, but still in time to wish you a marvellous 2014!!!
Thanks again!


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Review #39, by SereneChaosThe Weasley Christmas Spirit: The Weasley Christmas Spirit

24th December 2013:
Oh, I loved this, especially the part where Draco helps little Victoire untangle her hair from the Christmas tree! This was so cute and fluffy, and I loved the end with the kiss on the cheek. Great work, and merry Christmas! :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! That was one of my favorite parts too - Victoire didn't know of anything about the war or who's side anyone was on, just that her hair was stuck and she needed help. And she received help. ;)
Merry Christmas to you too! :)


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Review #40, by SereneChaosA Glimpse of the Moon: .

19th December 2013:
How sweet! In few words, you've managed to paint some very clear pictures of your characters, which is a wonderful skill to have! Good job, especially for a first fic! My only real criticism is that the ending cuts away very quickly. It's almost as if you were saying something and then decided to stop mid-sentence. While that can be an interesting way to end stories, this particular story is so short that an abrupt ending can really leave you reeling. I would love to read a little more of the interaction between Remus and Amelia, or to see some of the reasoning behind the werewolf flashbacks in the story.

Otherwise though, you have such lovely crisp writing, and I hope to read some more of your stories!

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much!!! My main goal in this was establishing the characters, so that's great :)

Yeah, I wasn't so sure if that ending was cut off too quickly or not, but now i may edit it a bit!

Thank you so much for this review, it really means a lot !!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #41, by SereneChaosYou Won't Forget: I

18th July 2013:
Oh my goodness. I'm absolutely floored by this story. I'm always interested in the way people present Salazar and Helga, and I think here in particular, I liked your middle-aged, married to someone else, versions of them. There's a great maturity in their thoughts that makes the romance (or never-to-be romance) all the more strong, and...gah, I just love it.

I've never seen anyone use this kind of format for a story before, and it worked fantastically here. I like the idea of them switching back and forth between thoughts the way old married couples (or soulmates!) can finish each other's sentences. Your transitions between points of view is seamless and I'm a little envious at how well you did them, lol. I also liked how towards the end the shifts in pov got smaller and smaller, sort of like a funnel where they meet together in the end.

All in all, this was a perfect story, even down to the structural backbone. Great work!

Author's Response: Hi Serene, thank you so much for coming! I love Helgazar too, as you know, and I thought it would be interesting to show them in this light; still in love, but with separate lives and spouses. I guess I was in an angsty mood *shrugs*

I'm glad you like the echoing thoughts. You're absolutely right, they are soulmates, and I imagined them being just so attuned to each other that their thoughts would flow together. It was a fun experiment, definitely!

Thanks for the lovely review! I'm so happy you liked it :D

--Maggie


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Review #42, by SereneChaosThe Importance Of Dandelions: The Importance Of Dandelions

18th July 2013:
Ahhh!!! So sweet! I love the subtle way you wrapped up this piece! Helga and Salazar work very well off of each other here, and I enjoyed your youthful version of Helga opposed to a droll (he reminded me a lot of Snape, in this actually) Salazar.

While I think that sometimes its good to have a little more detail to flesh out stories, I think what you have here worked very well. While its mostly dialogue, and very little setting/description, you did such a good job showing exactly what was going on based on WHAT the characters were saying. It takes skill to do that, so good job! I liked the little inclusion of Salazar's blood prejudice here as well, and it was especially nice to read it as a passing comment as opposed to the usual rebuke Salazar gets in stories for having it. Their speech is spot on, though, I think the occasional "he said/she said" at the end of some of the lines would be helpful in orienting readers, just in case the flow gets a little lost.

Otherwise though, what a lovely, fluffy little story! Thanks for writing it!

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Review #43, by SereneChaosAnywhere: Anywhere

18th July 2013:
I think leaving the lyrics out was probably a very good move--you already have a strong scene without interrupting it with song lyrics! I'm impressed with how alive your characters are--I think it's clear in this story that your strength is in writing dialogue. All of it was natural to read and I can easily imagine real people saying those phrases, even if the speech itself feels outdated.

My favorite part of this fic was actually when Godric interrupted Salazar's thoughts at first. It was so refreshing to hear the founders talk to each other and have Rowena chastise Godric and Helga giggle. That little praragraph spoke volumes about the founders' personalities and I just loved it!

I like the idea of Helga and Salazar going somewhere spontaneously. Salazar and Helga's energy for the trip was so exciting, and I sort of wish you had a follow up chapter or story to show what they did with their day away from Hogwarts!

Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your feedback! It's very much appreciated. I'm so happy that you touched upon the dialogue and how their personalities came out through it. It was important to me that -- even though it's a very short one-shot -- the characters weren't boring or predictable, haha.

You're the best, thanks!


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Review #44, by SereneChaosBirds of a Feather: Fury & Accismus

18th July 2013:
Eep! Your Helga and Salazar have so much chemistry together! I love it! I'm not sure I can place my thumb on it, but I feel like this chapter was even more satisfying than the first. Possibly because it had multiple scenes in it? I think the two scenes in this chapter were spot on and the way the two interact with each other is so natural. I'm jealous of how easy you make it look, haha!

My favorite part in this chapter was how Helga was the one teasing Salazar when they were in the forest--it's refreshing seeing someone write a side of Helga that is more than sweetness. I actually have no criticism for you here, just keep doing what you're doing! These scenes are a perfect length and I like how each one could easily be a stand-alone in the big picture. Please keep this story going--I would love to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you for your reviews! They really made me smile! :) I will definitely keep writing, I just need to remember to update on here. :P

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Review #45, by SereneChaosBirds of a Feather: Outburst

18th July 2013:
What a lovely start! I love the way you were able to show us the Founders' personalities in the way they responded to Helga's outburst--all of them seemed so in character with the way we picture in the books.

My criticism for this piece so far is mostly technical. There are grammatical errors (tenses and things here and there) that could be fixed. They're distracting from the story, which is why I'd suggest a quick read-over before posting.

I think also that I would have liked a little more action and a little less direct description of the founders' personalities. You did a fantastic job describing them by means of how they reacted to Helga--it seems almost unnecessary to then explain afterwards that Godric was brave and Rowena was smart.

I liked how you ended the story with the note that a lot of Helga's work helped Salazar with his own work--it seems like a brilliant piece of foreshadowing. Keep up the good work!

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Review #46, by SereneChaosWithout : Argus Filch

17th July 2013:
I really liked this story! I think your characterization of Filch is good, and in particular I think the strongest moments are when his monologue mention the 'brats' at school. Keeping in mind that your Filch would have been from a well educated pureblood family, I think his voice was perfectly fine and accurate! His history makes a lot of sense as well, and I liked how you drew together that his resentment towards the students stems from realizing that he will never have what they have. And what a good point about his punishments being ways to show the students what it's like to be without magic!

Something I think that could make this story better would be to give quick glimpses into Filch's life--the way his parents treated him, for example. Just quick, specific details to show us more than tell us that his parents abandoned him.

Other than that, great work!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you liked this story.

It's always interesting for me to try and understand that background of a character. Particularly in Filch's case, the understanding is very helpful in knowing how they will act and speak.

Thank you for pointing that out! If/when I do go back and edit this, I will definitely think about including more moments from his past!

Thank you once again for reading and reviewing! :D


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Review #47, by SereneChaosCapturing the Past: He Was

17th July 2013:
What a powerful piece! The simple sentences really worked well for you here, and like the photographs Colin took, captured a bunch of little moments that made Colin, Colin. I think my one criticism for this fic would be the part where you mention his dreams of becoming a dad and taking pictures of his children. I think that's a wonderful dream to have, but somehow to me feels out of place with the Colin we knew in the books. He would have been 16 at the time of his death, and his age, plus the sheer amount of action going on, plus the way he admired other people so much, makes those lines (still wonderfully powerful despite this) stick out a little strangely for me. Then again, everyone interprets the characters differently.

Otherwise, good work on this moving fic!

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving another wonderful review! I'm so glad that you liked this piece, particularly the writing style. Because of the simple sentence I chose to use as both the opening and conclusion, it just fit that the rest of the piece be composed of simpler sentences as well.

That's an interesting point you make. I understand your concerns about his age. However, I believe that my thinking was that, for someone who loved capturing the major moments in life so much, he would imagine capturing some of the major moments in his own life- and the birth of children is considered to be pretty enormous. :P

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!


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Review #48, by SereneChaosHome Again: Home Again

17th July 2013:
This may have been short, but it was so satisfyingly bittersweet! I love the little details in this story, such as that Molly uses her wand to tuck the boys in--I feel like that sort of magical touch gets a little lost in a lot of fics, and it's nice to see it here.

The scene where she enters the twins' room is especially sad, once more I think because of the little specific details. It's so funny to imagine the twins trying to run off with the circus! And it never would have occurred to me that George would have to make twice as many jokes to make up for Fred until I read this!

Great work!

Author's Response: Aw thank you! This is the first piece of HPFF I wrote. I was having a lot of Fred's-death feels at the time, you can probably tell. I project onto Molly a lot, the whole fellow-mom-of-twins thing, so the idea of the twins being split up is really upsetting.

Poor George, it would be so tough to be alone after having spent his entire existence as part of a unit. Twins really are a unit unto themselves amongst siblings. My boys are always in each other's pockets, as they say.

Thank you for the review!


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Review #49, by SereneChaosJe t'aime: Epilogue

16th July 2013:
Ah! I loved this!!! All of it! It was so cute and fluffy and gah, I pretty much squeed my way through the last few chapters, haha. Great job!

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Review #50, by SereneChaosJe t'aime: "Happy Birthday"

16th July 2013:
Haha, no, you aren't the only one who feels weird about writing romance scenes. I think you did the lead up to this scene very well and it was tactfully done. I had to laugh when Monique suggested that she be named after one of Fleur's kids--is she the pre-cursor to Dominique? :P Once again, great chapter! I don't know if it was the switch in pov, but I think just reading through the first few chapters of this fic, it seems as if your writing has been improving along with the story!

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