Reading Reviews From Member: SereneChaos
  
512 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Hufflepuff - emmacweasley

27th July 2014:
I like how even then, Ginny knew she'd end up with Harry. :) Thanks for sharing this story!

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Review #2, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Hufflepuff - teh tarik

27th July 2014:
Ah! I feel like every story I read by you, even this short and sweet one, leaves me blown away. Besides the beautiful writing, I loved how you mentioned the two ghosts 'bumping' into each other, and the Fat Friar having a secret store just for himself! It seems so like him to do that!

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Review #3, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Hufflepuff- marauderfan

27th July 2014:
This was such a good idea for a story! Nothing quite says 'moving forward' than two enemies becoming friends. Possibly my favorite phrase (that I've read in this entire collab so far) has been the description of Sybil's eyes like sooty nebulae. That's beautiful, and so fitting for how Firenze would see it. Lovely.

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Review #4, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Ravenclaw - Leonore

25th July 2014:
Ah, all of that was just so Hermione. Even though it's told from Ron's point of view, he paints a picture of Hermione that is so clear and so IC! Good work!

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Review #5, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Hufflepuff- Miles

23rd July 2014:
AH!!! Oh my gosh! I love it! I squeed right at the point where Neville became very brave and kissed Hannah. So perfect! I'm glad that you included a spit-take here, because I always think they're fun to read and to imagine, haha! Thank you so much for writing a Hannah/Neville!

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Review #6, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Hufflepuff - teh tarik

23rd July 2014:
*sobs* This is lovely. Thank you so much for writing it! My favorite parts are the little details you add in about Arthur: he runs up the stairs to help Molly because he wants pie later, he burns his fingers on the tray of roast. Even though his role is smaller than Molly's in this fic (and Molly is done wonderfully too!) I love how you've made him seem so Arthur in such little phrases. How sweet!

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Review #7, by SereneChaosHogwarts Reclaimed: Hufflepuff - evil little devil

22nd July 2014:
Hooray Hufflepuff! can I just say how much I love this line:

"Her and Teddy, they had been born from horror, and chaos, and death, and so together they sought to forge the opposite. They lived in swirls of bright colours, and adventures, and never-ending deserts. Each day they stared death in the face and laughed."

I love it! Great work!

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Review #8, by SereneChaosMrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter: Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter

12th July 2014:
Fantastic. This definitely reads like a lovesick person wrote it (there were a few lines that rhymed and I thought it was clear that Seamus is so in love, he's accidentally rhyming, haha!) I usually don't care for monologue type stories, but this one is really well done. I think it works so well because you're good at giving specific, action oriented details (such as Seamus describing the many ways in which he kept Lavender from giving his stuff back).

I laughed during the paragraph when he asked not to let Lavender know she broke his heart, because isn't that something we all do when our hearts have been broken? And the last line where it's revealed that he's been talking to Lavender's mum was perfect! I loved this story! Great work!

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Review #9, by SereneChaosFancy a Cup of Me?: Fancy a Cup of Me?

12th July 2014:
Ahhh! Yes! All of this fic is amazing. Ah! It's just made me so giddy reading it! I love the small details you included here (including Poppy reaching to smooth her apron and thinking that it wouldn't do any good without a proper steaming; Poppy describing students coming in like flowing blood) and the description of Flitwick's cold. Spot on.

Their jumbled conversation was adorable, and I really just want to read it over and over again. Flitwick's last words to Poppy are too perfect for words. Ah! He wants a cup of her! It's sort of subtle and super sweet, and I can't contain how much I'm squeeing over this fic right now. 10/10, this was perfect. Thank you so much for writing it!

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Review #10, by SereneChaosBefore I Let Go: Before I Let Go

12th July 2014:
Aw, poor Lavender! Great job on making her seem like a sympathetic character! I think too often Lavender ends up coming off as too flighty, or shallow, but you did a good job making her into a real person, while still mentioning some parts that are familiar or assumed from the books.

I think you have a really mature Lavender here, and I like that you started her story off with her being confused as to why she and Ron didn't work out (because sometimes when relationships end in real life, one person DOES end up confused). It feels like you hit several of the stages of being dumped: confusion, sadness, acceptance, and I think that's great! This could really be anyone's story, which is why it's so lovely to read!

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Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I draw so much inspiration from my own life, and while I wrote this story so long ago, I love that it is still resonate with an audience, reliable, and cannon-related. I am so glad you enjoyed this story, and thank you again for the very kind review!

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Review #11, by SereneChaosHelen Not Aphrodite : Helen Not Aphrodite

12th July 2014:
I won't lie to you, I'm actually mindblown that you saw parallels in Greek mythology and Harry Potter and brought them together. It's fantastic! I like that you kept this story in a more mature style that matches the story of the myths. I'm so impressed that this story is only 500 words, because it reads like it could easily be more! (which is not a bad thing)

I'm too good at remembering bits of Greek mythology, but I think it was Menelaus who was married to Helen? It probably doesn't matter, because you can still clearly see who each character's HP counterpart is though.

And I just can't get enough of that last line! I know you used it for your summary, and I just...it's beautiful. Definitely a line to be proud of! Great work!

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Review #12, by SereneChaosInterrupted: Interrupted- One Shot.

12th July 2014:
Hi there! I think you did a really good job (especially in a first fic) at keeping your writing fluid and to the point. I especially loved this description: "but he loved her so much he put distance between them, so sheŽd be protected and as far away she could from the dangers that circled above his head like birds of prey, waiting for a little flaw in his defenses to come down and hurt him." I feel like that's the perfect way to describe the exact reason why Harry was pushing Ginny away.

Something I'd like to see in this story (or in future stories) is a little more of the character in the narrative. By this I mean, I'd really like to hear a little more of Ginny's voice here. Right now, your story does a good job of telling us why Ginny feels the way she does, but it's done in a bit of a summary sort of way. I'd like to see (in the third person) more of how Ginny feels about this all. Is she a little bit angry? Does a snarky comment make it's way into the narrative? If she's feeling hurt, perhaps go more in depth as to how that feels?

If that made any sense, haha. Whatever the case, good work!

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Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for reviewing!
When I read I sometimes just stop and realize the fragment I just read perfectly describes a person, situation or feeling... I just never thougt another person would like what I wrote and think something similar. It means the world to me. Also, I really appreciate your suggestions and comments and I'll try to incorporate them into my future stories; they give me a new point from where to analyze and improve my writing. Again, thank you for reviewing, you really brought a smile to my face today.


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Review #13, by SereneChaosThe final Yule Ball: Harry and Hermione

7th July 2014:
I'll start off by saying, I don't ship Harry/Hermione. And that is exactly why I loved your ending. The fact that that kind of scene was just a dream Harry was having was perfect. I'll admit, during the story, I had been thinking that there was no way some of this would happen (Ron, for example, just doesn't strike me as the type to have taken a Harry/Hermione pairing at the Yule Ball happily), so I'm extremely glad you were able to include the little twist about it being a dream at the end. I think the formatting in this story could be helped by italicizing the song lyrics, just to keep them separate from the parts of the story that are actually yours. Otherwise, good job!

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Review #14, by SereneChaosFirst kiss: First kiss

7th July 2014:
I'm not a Harry/Hermione shipper, but kudos to you for writing a believable first kiss between the pair. I have a lot of respect for the fact that you explained why Harry might have a thing for Hermione, and the fact that he gave her a kiss on the cheek first. I loved how you didn't dive into 'I love you's and instead kept it to 'I like you', which I feel a lot of authors tend to do, but really it's more accurate your way. I laughed to myself thinking that Hermione learned how to pick locks from Fred and George (brilliant little detail there) and I think overall, as a non-Hermony shipper, I really enjoyed this. For as few words as there are here, you did a great job filling in the gaps and explaining everything. Great work!

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Review #15, by SereneChaosFirst Kiss: First Kiss

7th July 2014:
Ahahaha! That was so funny! I think the way you had Lily describe James was hilarious (everything down to his face looking like it'd split in two from grinning too much). Priceless. Your use of first person was perfect here, and Lily sounds like she could definitely be a real person (I liked that you had her stay back to finish her homework, very IC). James' reaction to finally kissing Lily was flawless--I can definitely see him declaring to the world that he finally got to kiss Evans! The only thing I would fix in this piece is the formatting, because the large gaps can be distracting (and I think this story should definitely be paid attention to--it's fantastic!)
Great work, and thanks for sharing it here!

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Author's Response: Thank you so much!! This is super encouraging and I really appreciate it! Haha yes, poor Lily, trying to be a good student and ending up having to deal with James Potter!
*sigh* I know, I hate the formatting too. I tried to post it without those annoying gaps but it wouldn't let me. No clue why!
Thank you so, so much again for your wonderful review!!


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Review #16, by SereneChaosMy First Kiss with Draco Malfoy: My First Kiss with Draco Malfoy

7th July 2014:
When I saw the summary for this, I didn't at all expect that this would be how the story went. And yet, I think it's better than I expected! I like how, just like in real life, you don't always end up with the person you get your first kiss with, and sometimes, first kisses aren't always who you expect them to be with. I thought you handled a Ginny/Draco kiss very well and I liked how they kissed, not so much out of any romantic feelings for each other, but just to prove that Draco knew how to kiss someone. It feels wonderfully IC for him to do something like that. I also loved how you revealed at the end that this is Ginny telling us the story as an old woman, and that we know that some cliche Draco/Ginny romance didn't last between the two. Great work, and thanks for sharing it!

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Review #17, by SereneChaosThe Very First Kiss: The First Kiss is Always The Best

7th July 2014:
You know, I don't think writing short stories is a bad thing at all! Just so long as all the bases are covered, short stories can be pretty good, just likes yours! I cracked up when Luna made her appearance here, because it was just so unexpected and so much like Luna to pop out of nowhere and say something like that. I also liked when Ginny was telling Harry how she imagined her first with him would be like, but I think that having some sort of short transition between that scene and between Luna would help smooth it along. There are some pretty large gaps here between paragraphs, which can be fixed by 'pasting as plain text' in the text editor on the site, or by double checking your formatting before submitting your story. Otherwise, this was so cute and well done.

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Review #18, by SereneChaosFirst Kiss: First Kiss

7th July 2014:
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That was beautiful. Outright, fantastically gorgeous. In 500 words, you painted such a wonderfully, clear, adorable picture. Oh my gosh. I love the way you used little details to make the picture come to life. Things like mentioning that James took the stairs two at a time, or how his voice was barely able to be heard over the rain are such perfect, smart little details to add when you only have a certain number of words to use. I love how you described the way Lily thought James might feel her heartbeat, or how she was about to open her eyes, but James leaned in for the kiss. Ugh, just so perfect. Fantastic work.

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Review #19, by SereneChaosThe Perfect Kiss: James and Lily Forever

7th July 2014:
Hi there! What a sweet story! I'm such a sap when it comes to first kisses in the snow, haha. I think you have a great backbone to your story, but it could be helped by fleshing out some of the scenes. The dialogue is fantastic--it says everything it needs to say, and each voice definitely belongs to each character. However, if you added some descriptions (or actions that the character is doing while they're saying that) it would help paint a more detailed picture about what's going on. During the kiss itself, where James is twirling Lily around, you did a great job of describing what's actually happening (plus, that's so cute, and I love that it matches a photo of James and Lily from the HP movies, haha).

Anyway, good work! :)

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Review #20, by SereneChaosJust Another Night: Just Another Night

7th July 2014:
Poor Harry! I think one of my favorite parts of this story is the little snippets of Ginny and Dean's argument and the way they apologize. Harry has so little information about what they're fighting about, but it reads as if you can see the whole argument from start to finish, down to the apologetic smile. It's perfect. I think Harry's voice here is a little different from how I'd expect him to think. It feels a little too eloquent, I think, to be something a 16 year old teen would have in mind. Maybe toning that down, and adding in some phrases (angry ones towards Dean, maybe?) would help show how jealous Harry feels about the couple. Overall though, for the number of words used here, this was a great story! Thanks for sharing it!

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Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I can only imagine that this time had to of been really hard on Harry considering all the stress that he was under and then to finally realize his feelings for Ginny only to have a roommate swoop her up before he could would be really hard. With this oneshot I really just wanted to show a "normal" Harry in that it really plays on the jealousy that he had for Dean in this book and the feelings that he had for Ginny. It was mentioned in the books a bit that Ginny and Dean would fight so I figured why wouldn't they end up fighting in the common room and have Harry see it all? I'm really glad that you liked it and I will look at maybe changing the wording around a bit and see if I can make this one shot even stronger. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #21, by SereneChaosThe start of something...waif like: Chapter 1

7th July 2014:
Ah! So cute! I don't know if I've ever read a Harry/Luna fic before, but I really liked this! It was as fluffy as Luna's hair, haha! I think your biggest strength here was in your dialogue. The way each character (especially Luna, you hit the nail right on the head with her) spoke really made them seem alive and really made them seem like themselves from the books. I especially loved how Harry made his little declaration of love, and Luna just replies with an 'ok'. It's so wonderfully IC! There were a few typos/capitalization/punctuation errors that could be fixed (mostly because they can be distracting), but otherwise this was an adorable fic! Thank you for posting it!

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Review #22, by SereneChaosPretty: Pretty

7th July 2014:
Haha! No, I don't think it'll be pretty at all. :P I never actually thought about whether or not Ginny used Dean to get to Harry (it makes sense, but the Hufflepuff in me likes to think she actually liked him in that way at some point). I especially liked the lines where Ginny's regret goes away because Harry is jealous, and I also loved how Ginny looked at Harry first, because his face was more interesting. Fantastic work! This was short, but thorough, and just caught the essence of Ginny so well! Thanks for sharing it!

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Review #23, by SereneChaosEvent Three: Impossible To Forget: Impossible To Forget

7th July 2014:
Oh my gosh. Molly! *sobs* I didn't at all expect the story to turn this way. How sad! I really like the idea of Arthur never forgetting his wife and much of an impression Molly left on him. Something I think you could work on though, is the formatting. The gaps between paragraphs are huge and distracting. One way you could fix this problem is to 'paste as plain text' when you copy/paste the text from word into the editor on the site. For some reason, the editor reads spaces between paragraphs as huge things. Another thing is to preview your story before you submit, so that you can check for formatting issues, which are pretty easy to clean up. :)

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Review #24, by SereneChaosThe Sacking of Pomona Sprout!: The Sacking of Pomona Sprout!

7th July 2014:
Oh my gosh! Poor Professor Sprout! I absolutely loved the last line you used--it sounds so catchy and lighthearted, even though it really is an awful thing to have happened to Pr. Sprout!

I personally find it a little unlikely that this would happen (Sprout and McGonagall seemed to be on a friendly basis, Sprout has worked for over 30 years, and, as you mentioned this sort of thing happens in potions class all the time) so I'm wondering if maybe fleshing out the details of the incident would have helped? Perhaps making the popplepoids more dangerous? Perhaps using a different headmaster (someone more like Umbridge, who'd just fire anyone for anything?) Or maybe just mentioning and drawing attention to the number of incidents that have happened over the years would have made it seem a little more rounded out.

I think by even making it longer, and even showing little snippets of everything else that went wrong, you could even make more room for humor as well. Whatever the case, it was a nice, quick, enjoyable read! :)

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Review #25, by SereneChaosMy Tears Are Becoming A Sea: aflame

7th July 2014:
Hi there! Your language here is beautiful; I love the idea of Minerva being like the ocean. I also liked the tie in with Minerva having to choose one or the other path, and that despite doing something difficult, she did something brave and good. While reading this though, I feel as if there was a lot of telling and not enough showing. I have a Pottermore account, but...I haven't used it very often and don't actually remember a lot of Minerva's backstory (shame on me, I know, haha!). What would have been helpful for someone like me, or someone who isn't familiar with her backstory is for you to flesh out the details of the man she rejects in your story. JKR might own the character names and the general idea, but that doesn't mean you can't fill in the details. I think answering the question of why she had to leave this man, as well as who this man is (a muggle?) would have helped make your story a little more cohesive.

That said, I think your language is beautiful and I love the metaphors you used here (especially that last line where she is like the red sky in the morning). Good work!

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Author's Response: Sorry I took so long to respond! Thank you so much for the review! I am so behind on pottermore too, I just find it a really annoying site to use? Anyway yeah I feel like there was a lot of telling too? I do have a tendency to 'tell' on shorter pieces so i'll definitely work on that, the problem with this, I think, was that I had literally just read the story of Minerva & her man on pottermore so it felt like I didn't need to tell? which was silly of course haha! Anyway thank you so much for the lovely review!

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