Reading Reviews From Member: AddysenMalfoy
  
40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AddysenMalfoyMission Impossible: The shocking secret

25th February 2009:
It's kept my attention so far. You've developed your mystery well. But I have to say that the mystery itself was a bit of a let down for me. I didn't really like the amalgamation of the Harry Potter world and Twilight. It sort of seems as though you just used the Twilight definition of vampires to save yourself some research because it was fresher in your mind, perhaps. That's not meant as a knock, I'm just saying that JKR had her own vision of what vampires are to be like and I feel like that is the way to go in a HPFF. Just my own opinion. Sorry for the CC.

-Addysen

Author's Response: Opinions are always welcome and part of me thinks you are right. I can get really lazy and I had just read the Twilight series when I wrote this. I think I have developed my own type of vampire, though. Thanks for your comment.
~Goddess Faith


 Report Review

Review #2, by AddysenMalfoyContours: Chapter Five

18th February 2009:
I love it so far. So magnetic. Thank you so much for writing with such passion. It's come out really quite dynamic and addicting.

I have to say I hate Miranda, but it seems as though Hermione has something up her sleeve as to how to cope with Little Miss Bossy Boots and her spoiled attitude!

My only advice to you now is to maybe take some time to re-edit this story chapter by chapter so that the facts are more consistant, such as age. One moment they're 19, the next they're 20, then they're suddenely waiting to turn 21 from 19. It's confusing. And plus there are a few teeny minor grammatical/spelling/punctuation errors. All in all, though, it was nothing that a reader can't persevere through.

It is a great story and I really am hoping you update soon.

-Addysen

Author's Response: thanks for pointing that out. i've edited and fixed it, and i hope i haven't missed anything.

thanks for reviewing! it means a lot :D

-stacy


 Report Review

Review #3, by AddysenMalfoyContours: Prologue

17th February 2009:
Well you've held me shamelessly hooked. I couldn't turn away and am eagerly awaiting to read the next chapter.

Your writing is so fluid. It flows so seamlessly from one aspect to the next. I admire that in an author. Well down.

I noticed two little booboos you had and I just want to point them out so that you are aware of them.

1. At the end part where the mothers are discussing the season of the wedding you've written 'She smiled at both our mothers.' in first person when the rest of the Prologue is third.

2. There is a weird sentence that just seems to stop randomly in the middle there that reads 'He had barely'.

Well I hope I'm helping more than I'm aggravating you. Sorry. Best intentions meant. =)

-Addysen

Author's Response: thank you (: the next chapter will be up soon!

thanks for revewing

-stacy


 Report Review

Review #4, by AddysenMalfoyIdentity Confusion: A Small Discovery

16th January 2009:
Oh, and the mysteries start to unravel, ever-so-slowly. As I said in my last review, I just love their interactions with each other. It's so precious. It reminds me of how my boyfriend and I are. I have the warm and fuzzies right now. Ha ha.

Blaise and his mother really have an awesome relationship too. Very good chapter!

Oh, and I wanted to ask if the banner with the white text wasn't working, since you used the red?

-Addysen

Author's Response: Yes, I loved the interactions between these two as well. I wanted people to get the warm fuzzies so I'm glad it worked. I'm glad you like his relationship with his mother as well. I think I kinda based it off mine with my own mother. I love her to death but she can drive me nuts sometimes (as I'm sure all moms can).

And I'll have to go look at the banner again. I think when I finally went to update the banner I just picked the actual image without remembering that I had an issue with the text color instead of going with the new link you had given me. So thanks for pointing that out.

Emilie
=^_^=


 Report Review

Review #5, by AddysenMalfoyIdentity Confusion: Mikayla Montclaire

16th January 2009:
It took me a while but I'm back to read more! That was a cute chapter, Emilie. I love the interaction between the two.

The one thing I would say is that you have got yourself a few run-on sentences in this chapter, mainly in the flashback. Also, some of your sentences are worded a little funny.

Ex. 'He was sitting in a chair propped back on its' back two legs with his legs stretched out in front of him...'

This is the first one I found to use. I don't know it just the way I think, but maybe be a teensy bit more flexible with your words and find a way to cut out one of the 'back's and 'legs'. It may flow better, no?

I don't know. Listen to me, betaing my own beta. Geez, I'm sorry. Just trying to help! =)

I'm off to the next chapter. Cheers!

Author's Response: Always feel free to point things out to me that don't sound right to you. I'm sure at the time I was typing it up, I thought I was typing one thing but wound up doing another. I'll definitely need to go back and look at that section to better reread what I wrote and see how I can change it up a little.

Thanks for the review.

Emilie
=^_^=


 Report Review

Review #6, by AddysenMalfoyBehind the Mask: An Average (Pansy) Day

8th January 2009:
Good chapter. One thing, though, is maybe have one more careful look through your wording and sentence structure. Some of them aren't flowing well or at all. Just a little cc, sorry. =) I mean well.

I almost want to smack Hermione into shape. I love the fact that she's just so utterly clueless on how to be Pansy, a snot-nose pureblood with a bad attitude. It keeps you on your toes because it always seems like she's inches away from being found out.

Question: Why is Blaise still at the house the next day? Did all of the party guests stay the night in the manor?

I like where this is headed. Please continue!

-Addysen

Author's Response: Hi! I know you mean well and thanks for pointing it out ^-^ I've been really busy so i haven't had much time to check it through really yet.

Yeah, Hermione is quite clueless, but i thought it would be really hard for her. I'm glad you like that!

Blaise was the only guest because he's Draco's best friend, so he would have invited him to stay. I'm sure Blaise would have agreed if he got time away from his mother ^-^

Thanks so much for the review!


 Report Review

Review #7, by AddysenMalfoyIdentity Confusion: The Mystery of Misty

4th January 2009:
Oh a naked woman in his bath. Very exciting!

"Yeah well I have to call you something because I can't go around calling you 'woman' or 'Oi, you.'" I love that part.

I think Misty sounds very alluring, yet I also don't think Blaise has much to compare her with if he's been companionless for so long. If I was him I would be more intrigued by her eyes, that's saying if they're anything like the eyes on the banner. You know my feelings on green eyes.

Hey also, speaking of banners, I was shuffling through your author's page and found that you had a few stories without one. I would love to offer my banner-making abilities if you wanted. I love to do it.

This story is turning out great Emilie. Thank you for grasping my attention!

-Addysen

Author's Response: Haha.that first line of your review made me snort. Just felt the need to share. And yes I loved that line too. It made me laugh.

As for banners, yes I will cruise through my story page and see which ones need a banner and which could use a spruce up.

Thanks for the review!

Emilie
=^_^=


 Report Review

Review #8, by AddysenMalfoyIdentity Confusion: Well That Certainly is Different

4th January 2009:
Hey Em!

Long time no contact, at all. I just read this first chapter and, I have to say, I'm intrigued. Is it a girl? How about I read on for myself and find out? Haha.

How have you been keeping yourself? I miss your constructive criticism! I'm sorry I haven't come to you with a chapter to beta for, basically, years. I never took your name off my summery as beta, though. I guess I'm just impatient and want the chapters posted like now, and then edit them after. It's a strange system, I know.

If you ever feel like taking a tickity-boo at the story again let me know. I feel horrible for always leaving such long periods in between our contact.

Now, back to your story. I love how you've incorporated so much British slag into this one. It's so fun to read! Although, I will have to look up what 'kip' means, assuming it's Brit slag. Also, have you ever see the movie 'Detroit Rock City'? When I found out your elf's name was Tripp I instantly imagined a burn-out with long hair and a toque on. It made me laugh.

Anyway, off to chapter two I go. Talk to you soon enough!

Cheers hun,

-Addysen

Author's Response: Hey Addysen,

Yes it has been a long time with no contact but it's good to hear from you again. And hooray for stumbling upon one of my stories. Haha

Thanks for noticing my attempt at British slang. I think I did an alright job of trying to incorporate it. It was somewhat of a challenge as the story goes on because I had to remind myself to say "mate" instead of "dude". As for "kip".I honestly have no idea if it's British or not. I want to say it is only because I go to my British friend from this site with all sorts of questions on what certain things I've read are or what they mean.

As for the movie, I don't believe I've seen it. I'll have to look it up later to see if the summary rings any bells.

But so good to hear from you again and thanks for the review.

Emilie
=^_^=


 Report Review

Review #9, by AddysenMalfoyThe Dark Side of Love: In the Beginning, there Were Books

23rd December 2008:
Well, I'm captivated. Plain and simple. This is a plotline I haven't yet encountered, what with Hermione being at the center of such dark mischief and lies.

Surprisingly, the only thing that I, personally, found a rather large stretch from the real thing was the way Ron articulates his language in the note he slides to Harry in class. Too... sophisticated for Mr. Weasley, I'm sure.

Can't wait to read on! Yet, unfortunately, it is currently 2:30am and sleep is calling at me. I'll have to make some more head way tomorrow.

Very intriguing. Thank you for posting.

-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #10, by AddysenMalfoySaccharine: Story of a Murder: I: Dead Roses

22nd December 2008:
Well done. This first chapter really does depict the beginnings of quite a mystery! You write very well and I can see that you have an extensive vocab. I'm much too intrigued for my own good! Please continue with this story.

Thank you so much for posting it.

-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #11, by AddysenMalfoyLady Malfoy: Telling Them

22nd December 2008:
There's the emotion I was looking for in the prologue. I'm very touched with her reactions to this crisis, for I too have lost a parent. It's not easy, and you've written it very believably.

I swore the first time they heard that thud, indicating someone was there, it would be Rudolphus! Even though that would be moving the story a little too fast, I think. I was on the edge to find out who was there all three times.

Great chapter. I'm so excited to see what happens in chapter 3, what with the induction of Malfoy and all. How fun!

-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #12, by AddysenMalfoyLady Malfoy: For What It's Worth - Prologue

21st December 2008:
This is a very intising start! I'm so glad I took the time to read it. I had placed this story on my favorites list a long time ago and am just getting around to it now, I think. When I read the fabricated names of the Granger's and that they were located in Australia I was struck with a major case of deja vu. This isn't a sequel to anything is it?

Although this was well written, I was expecting, and somewhat hoping for a more in depth reaction to the death of her family. It almost seemed like she was pretending to care for her loss, as if it was all an act. A desensitized reaction. That's just what I got from it.

I'm so excited to read more. I can't wait until she arrives at Malfoy Manor! Dramione's are my guilty plessure. Thank you for writing this fic.

Cheers,

-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #13, by AddysenMalfoyBehind the Mask: Undercover

20th December 2008:
Poor Hermione. I felt so lonely myself; enough so that I went and got my cat to sit on my lap as I read the rest.

I really love this. The best part is how she's so unprepared - or as you say, can't even 'wear her mask properly'. Interesting concept of transformation. I thought for sure you were going to do Polyjuice Potion - until I remembered that Pansy was on the otherside of the world. Getting her hair would have been a teeny bit tricky.

Also, I have to tell you I absolutely love your banner and chapter images. If they are all by you you are a very gifted graphics artist.

One thing I'm not sure about is of how fast it all happens. I mean, Hermione is transfigured into Pansy and then two seconds later she's at the front step of Malfoy Manor. I'm not sure if there is anything you could add in there to make the transition smoother, but I could suggest using a divider of some sort (ex. ~*~*~*~, or, ***#*#***). It's not even a big deal. That was just my attempt at constructive criticism. =)

Regardless, I can't wait to read more. I've favorited this one for keeps! Thank you for writing it.

-Addysen

Author's Response: lol! I always get my cat when I'm feeling lonely too. Hehe :)
I'm so glad you liked the chapter. Yeah, i needed something other than Polyjuice potion because i didn't think anyone would have Pansy's hairs just lying around... if they did that would be really creepy... ;)
Yes, I did make all the graphics for the story and I'm so happy you think they're good! Thank you!
Yeah, I think I may have to go back and edit it to flow a bit smother, i think I'll take your advice and use a divider. Though I might have to say at the start that Hermione and Tonks had already traveled to Malfoy Mannor. But anyway thanks for the constructive criticism, I love being able to do something to improve this story :)
I'll try to update as soon as I can.
Thank you for reading, reviewing and adding this story to your favourites! :)


 Report Review

Review #14, by AddysenMalfoyBehind the Mask: Tattletale

20th December 2008:
I love this! It's a fabulous start and I'm ridiculously eager to read more. I'm going to have to creep through the next chapter as slowly as possible to try and make it last as long as I can. I don't want it to be over. I hope you keep this up, because I will be there to read and review!

Great Job. Cheers,

-Addysen

Author's Response: Oh wow, AddysenMalfoy I love your stories!
I'm ecstatic you're enjoying my story! I will be trying to add more chapter as quickly as I can.
Thank you so much for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #15, by AddysenMalfoyAre You Scared?: Suspense

18th December 2008:
This story just gets me going! I seem to be able to feel Hermione's distress and panic just as she does. That is a sign that you know how to work with words, now only the grammar and punctuation and you've got it!

Great job. I hope you update soon.

Cheers,
-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #16, by AddysenMalfoyAre You Scared?: Betrayal

18th December 2008:
Poor Hermione. There was a point in this chapter where I, myself, felt a surge of panic. She's trapped. I'm so excited to see how she's going to deal with it.

There are a few errors in this chapter also, but it's much better than the last. No worries.

Thanks for sharing!

-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #17, by AddysenMalfoyAre You Scared?: Branded

18th December 2008:
This is a very good plot so far. I enjoyed it. Yet, one thing that I really was distracted by was how choppy your paragraphs are(2-3 sentences at max). This could be an easy fix if you just clumped a few more together that touched on the same topics.

Another thing is that you are quite repetitive with words, such as 'letter', 'book' and 'owl' at the beginning, and 'Granger' later on. Some of these cannot be helped, I suppose, but I just wanted you to know.

I'm sorry as to the path this review is going, you probably want to punch me in the face right now - which is understandable - but I have one more little tiny tip. Seperate Voldemort's words from Hermione's. An example of this is:

"What's that Granger?"

Hermione sobbed harder, "I'll join you!" she screamed, not believing her actions.

Instead of how you have it:

"What's that Granger?" Hermione sobbed harder, "I'll join you!" She screamed; not believing her actions.

I hope that helped, and I want you to know that I'm rooting for this story. I like it already. It was just some constructive criticism. Please don't be mad. I'm here to help any time.

-Addysen

 Report Review

Review #18, by AddysenMalfoyThe girl on the inside: daddy's little queen

17th December 2008:
Good chapter! I love the 'barnyard friends' bit. Creative. Hermione's got an edge, and I like it a ton. I now see how she's so detached from the Grangers. Little bits are falling into place, slowly.

There were a few minor errors in this one too, but nothing that could throw me off course. I promise from this review on that I won't mention anything more about errors, grammar mistakes or punctuation, but my advice is to snatch yourself a beta. They're a gift to have on hand. =)

-Addysen

Author's Response: glad you like it so far.

 Report Review

Review #19, by AddysenMalfoyThe girl on the inside: the 'good' girl

17th December 2008:
This is a very good start to a very devilish Hermione! I have a soft spot for stories where the dark side and Ms. Granger meet. The only thing I'm not sure of is how I feel about her wanting to off her 'idiot' parents. It's harsh, but in all reality, I would probably write this in a somewhat similar fashion.

One point - and I'm dead sure I'm not the first to notice - you have a few grammatical errors(everyone does, no worries), and your tenses aren't cosistant all the time. It's just some constructive criticism, don't fret. Just trying to leave a good review.

Great job. Off to chapter two!

-Addysen

Author's Response: thanks... enjoy!


 Report Review

Review #20, by AddysenMalfoyThe Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Seduction: Tom

28th November 2008:
Good start. It is a wee bit to vague and jumpy for my total liking, but that may be the point, building mystery and all. Definitely continue with it, it has so much potential.

Just some advice might be to have longer chapters to keep the audience emerced longer and more intrigued when it ends. Yet this may be your prologue to it all so what do I know.

Thank you for also reading my story 'Dark Intentions'. I hope you enjoyed it!

Cheers Hun,

-Addysen

Author's Response: Thank you so much :}
I haven't written before, so I'm working on it. I will definitely make them longer and more specific, thank you for the advice.

Update soon, I have been dying to know what happens!


 Report Review

Review #21, by AddysenMalfoyA New Kind of Happening: Cupid's Arrow

24th February 2008:
Hey,
Just stopped by to see if you managed to figure out my essay on how to post banners. Looks like you got it yourself. Right on! Just one teensy thing- My penname is wrong. It's 'AddysenMalfoy'. You almost had it, and I congradulate you on spelling my first name right. Apparently that's hard to do. =) So just no underscore and you've got it.

Looks good.

Addysen

Author's Response: sorry about your name, ill fix it rite away! and yeah i did thank you so much again!!

 Report Review

Review #22, by AddysenMalfoyRed Rose of Death: A Lock of Hair

23rd February 2008:
I got your reviews on 'NQB' and saw that you wanted a banner. I can definitely make you a one! No problem. All I'll need you to do is fill out this info sheet:

Title Of Story:
Story Validated(?):
Link(Not Necessary, Just So I Can Access The Story If Need Be):
Penname:
Penname On Banner (Yes/No):
Have You Requested this banner before(?):
Movie Characters On Banner(?):
Any Original Characters?(If So, Please Provide Your Own Images):
Quotes(If any):
Specific Colors(?):
Specific Images Or Characteristics You May Want On Your Banner(?):
Mood Of Your Story:
Anything Else(?):
Story Summery:

And email it to me at addysen_b@yahoo.ca. I'll get started on it from there.

Thanks.

XAddysenX

Author's Response: WOW! thanks a lot! ill get back to you on it right away! thank you so much!

 Report Review

Review #23, by AddysenMalfoyAnother Chance at Happiness: Old Memories Bring New Beginnings

6th July 2007:
This is great so far! I'm so proud of you for posting something of your own. I love how you've taken the Draco/Hermione aspect in a whole new direction. It shows that Draco can have a heart, and that the 'Golden Trio' doesn't always come out on top(with Hermione's fatality an all). I can't wait for more! This Draco is the complete opposie of my Draco... and it's so interesting to see that conflict of personalities in my mind. Awesome start. See, what were you so scared of?

By the way, as payback for your hard work on my story would you let me make you a banner?

XAddysenX

Author's Response: Aww...a banner would be so sweet and much appreciated. Not really sure what I would want it to look like though. So I guess that I would just be giving you free reign in that area. Thanks for reviewing and I can't wait for more of your story!

=^_^=


 Report Review

Review #24, by AddysenMalfoyBehind Blue Eyes: Hate Is The First Sign Of Love

4th July 2007:
Hey.
Just wondering how you managed to set your banner on your author info section. I went into 'edit personal information' and tried to past the URL of my photoshop made info banner, yet nothing comes up. Is there a trick to it? I'd really appreciate it if you would let me know.

PS: Your Beautiful Phoenix banner is very nice, also thank you for favoriting my story 'Dark Intentions'! =)

XAddysenX

 Report Review

Review #25, by AddysenMalfoyConfronting a Bully: St. Mungo's

25th June 2007:
Hey Melissa.
I got your review about a banner. My photoshop wasn't working when I responded but I've fixed it since. I would be happy to make one for you if still needed.

email me at addysen_b@yahoo.com and I will send you an info form.
Thanks.

XAddysenX

Author's Response: thanks

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>