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Reading Reviews From Member: maraudersmap
  
194 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maraudersmapA Dying Legacy: Family

20th February 2009:
This story is too exciting for words. Again, I was glued to the screen, sucking in every word. You've come up with a brilliant plot, an original and addicting one, which is the main reason why this story is one of my favourites.

Your writing is great. I did spot a few grammar mistakes, but nothing big. I still think that it's confusing how you change the setting all the time. It works, it definitely does, but perhaps you should tone it down a little bit? It creates a mysterious mood, but it also makes it difficult to truly get to know the characters.

It's fascinating how the disease is spreading - fascinating and sad. I was very touched by Scorpius's promise, and although I've never liked Draco, I hope he'll be able to keep it. So far, I adore how you characterize Scorpius. I like that he plays the piano, if only because the tune he was playing is beautiful. The mysterious leader is just that, mysterious. Who is he? Why did he kill Pansy? Is he a canon character? Why does he act the way he does? Please update soon. :)

Author's Response: Hi again!

So happy you like it, really =D. It's great to get reviews like that. =P

I do change the settings a lot. But it's difficult to do it when there's a lot going on at the same time and in different places and that are important to the plot. Gotta blame the movies. I am heavily influenced by movies, not in the plot, but with the way I write and the way I change the scenes. I'll try and tone it down a little.

It's spreads really fast, the disease. It's scary. It will star spreading to other countries soon, because of ignorance. =S

I love writing the Malfoys. They're not the devil. They actually love eachother (as we can see at the end of DH) and I really think it's sad what I'm making them go through. They've got to pay for the mistakes of the past (karma -.-).

I also love writing Scorpius. The only thing we know about him is his ancestry. From my point of view on the next-gen kids, I think that a lot of the ones whose parents were Death Eaters and big defensors of the pureblood extremism, would now be different from their parents. I think that they would be more influenced by the post-war changes than the old "ways". It's the XXI too after all LOL

The Leader. I can't tell anymore than what I already hinted in this chapter. But Some of those questions will be answered soon. Just stay tuned =P

Thank you for another great review. BTW chapter 5 is up ^^

ForgottenFace


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Review #2, by maraudersmapA Dying Legacy: No Pureblood is Safe

19th February 2009:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :) So sorry about the huge delay.

You really do manage to suck me in with your writing. At first I felt sorry for the poor woman whose loved one was dying, but as she began to show her true colours I started to detest her. I really feel for your characters, and I'm interested to see what's going to happen with them. I liked that you began to truly show how burning the hatred and prejudices between muggleborns and purebloods really are. It's one of the main themes of the story, after all, and I love that.

I found the story of the sick woman very fascinating, how she actually tried to torture the healer because she didn't want her brother to receive "dirty blood". It was very intense, and you captured the situation perfectly.

I enjoyed reading about the Weasleys' interaction. Rose and Hermione have a typical mother-daughter relationship, which I liked. I didn't feel that I truly got to know the characters, however, as you changed the setting quite a lot. It was rather confusing, but I do understand that it was necessary. It was nice that Rose got a job, but I feel that it happened too quickly, even with the explanation. Oh well, it was a great addition to the plot.

What was revealed in the group was... well, brilliant. I feel sort of stupid for not realizing it, but I thought it was perfect. ^_^ I can't wait to see what's going to happen next, what with Draco getting sick and all.

Author's Response: Hi maraudersmap! Sorry for taking so long to reply.

I'm trying to show that even though the purebloods love their family, mantaining the purity of the pureblood line is much more important to them (well at least some of them, you'll see later on that some of the more prejudiced ones are just full of rubbish).

I'm trying to write a different Rose, form the ones that have been written here around the site. I think that she would be raised to stand up for what she believes and to be very independent. And it just backfired on their parents. LOL

With Draco getting sick I have a lot more room to develop the Malfoys relationship with eachother and also the disease.

Thank you for reviewing.

ForgottenFace


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Review #3, by maraudersmapI Love You: Beautiful days turns to dark nights

17th February 2009:
Although few important things happened in this chapter, I liked it a lot. We got to see how their fights really are, and that was very interesting. We also got to see who Lily's friends are, who she associate with, and so on. I liked that the former leader of James's fan club has joined team Lily, as I thought that was original. The mention of Frank and Alice was very cute. :)

I loved James and Lily's interaction in this chapter. It made me laugh, especially when James was embarrassed because of his fly. :P So far, I adore how you've portrayed their relationship. Your description of James was very sexy, by the way. ;) One thing, though: He burned her essay?! That's low, James.

Your writing is good, but I did spot a few present/past tense mistakes. You might want to proofread it, or maybe even get a beta.

I'm a little unsure about the American themed food night. It was too random. And a muggle television wouldn't work at Hogwarts, so that part wasn't my favourite. Please update soon. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it, again.

1. Yes, Scarlette is an OC of mine that made a guest appearance. She is from my other story, From Hatred to Love, and I couldn't resist having her pop by for a moment.

2. Thank you! I'm glad the description of him was sexy, because he definitely is! lol. And yes, about the essay. Sometimes boys just take it too far...haha.

3. Ah, yes I should probably go back soon and get some editing on the past/present tense issue. Thanks for pointing that out!

4. Why wouldn't a muggle television work at hogwarts? As for the american themed night, I know that it is a bit random, but I felt that this little bit of humor might be enjoyed. And I know that it doesn't exactly benefit the plot at all, but I kind of liked it, myself.

Thanks again!

-dramaqueen6


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Review #4, by maraudersmapI Love You: Welcome to madness

17th February 2009:
Hullo, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :) I'm terribly sorry about the huge delay, but here I finally am.

Alright, so first of all, let me thank you for requesting a James/Lily fic. I love that ship. I enjoy every J/L fic, even the really bad ones. Now, I don't want you to worry: This is defenitely not a bad story. As a matter of fact, it's great!

English isn't my first language, so I can't comment on grammar/spelling. I do think that your writing is wonderful, however. This sentence, though, is a little awkward: "And I know this is going to sound so clishe and so over-used, but it all started a few weeks ago, when our story truly and officially starts." You see?

Lily's voice is sweet, humorous and Lily-ish, and I think that you've captured her personality perfectly. You must be careful not to turn her into angry!Lily all the time, though. Their relationship up until now seems very interesting, but it might be slightly clished. I like that James isn't so desperate anymore, and that she likes to fight with him. It's a nice touch.

This first chapter amused me, and it made me want more. So without further ado, I'm moving on to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hello, thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked it, and I really appreciate that you took the time to do this.

1. Oh! I see what you mean. Yeah that sentance always felt awkward to me, so I will break it up into two sentances to fix the flow. Thanks for pointing that out!

2. Yeah I didn't want Lily and James to suddenly be in love, so I figured that the best way to break the ice would be to make them fight, and make james hate her in return! Then they could enjoy fighting, and somehow see how they are meant to be. I know that sounds somewhat weird and impossible, but to me, I think it works. lol.

So anyway, thanks again!

-dramaqueen6


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Review #5, by maraudersmapA Proper Appreciation: A Proper Appreciation

17th February 2009:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :) I'm terribly sorry about taking so long, but I'm finally here!

Anyway: I loved this one-shot. It was very sweet, but not in any way too sweet. It was genuine and heart-felt. I don't think I have to tell you how spectacular your writing is, but I'll say it anyway. My heart was thumping along with Ginny's; I was giggling along with Luna and groaning at Harry's male mind. You're definitely a very talented writer.

I loved your characterizing of all the characters. Oblivious Harry was amusing yet oh-so frustrating, jealous Ron made me laugh and feel sorry for him at the same time, Ginny was her fiery self and Hermione was the slightly annoying bookworm. What struck me about your characterizing was that every character seemed very human and real. You caught their personalities dead-on, but it wasn't exaggerated or comical.

The dialogue was wonderful. Ginny and Luna's conversation made me laugh out loud several times, and I found myself smiling throughout every Ginny/Hermione-moment. This is the first Ginny/Hermione I've ever read, and I was rooting for them to get together. Their chemistry and friendship was portrayed wonderfully, and their kiss seemed so natural. You didn't make it ridiculously obvious that Ginny wanted Hermione; her feelings for her were described subtly and gracefully.

My favourite part? "This is undeniably a thousand times better than the poem I wrote about Marguerites and Hummingbirds."

Overall, I adored this story, and I'm definitely adding it to my favourites. :)

Author's Response: Thank you.
Wow, what a terrific review! YAY. I'm glad that you think I characterized them all well. I usually have difficulties writing Ron, since I can't be witty.
And Luna, well. I hope she's quite believable. :D

Thank you.


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Review #6, by maraudersmapBroken Dreams: Sanctuary

16th December 2008:
So Luna had cheated on Blaise... Not that I blame her, of course. Blaise has proven to be a horrible man, and I almost squealed with happiness when she slapped him. He deserved it, not just because he'd kept it a secret from her that he couldn't have children, but because of everything he'd done to her. On the other hand, Luna didn't really love him when she married him, did she?

You wrote of her anger marvelously - I became quite upset myself. In fact, you portray all emotions perfectly, and for that, I admire you.

I'm glad we finally know Luna's history with Harry. It was very touching, and though I've never read any Harry/Luna fics, I liked the idea very much. I'm a little confused, though: Does Luna still love Harry? Or are their feelings for each other long gone? Your characterizing of Harry was great. I find that Harry is a hard character to write, but as always, you managed it.

One thing bothered me about this chapter: Wouldn't Harry and Luna have kept in touch more, and wouldn't Harry have helped her the second he saw what she was becoming?

I've enjoyed this story a lot. You're a great writer, and I hope you'll re-request for more reviews when you update. :)

Author's Response: I think Luna did love Blaise when she married him, but he's been so dreadful to her that he killed all those feelings. Your right, he did deserve a good slap for everything that he's done, and it was great to bring the strong side of Luna out.

This was supposed to be an emotional chapter so I'm really glad you felt the emotions were well written!!

Luna and Harry were good if rather strange friends at Hogwarts lol, I'd like to think they would always love each other, evne if it's not enough to actually make a lasting relationship. Older Harry is difficult to write, you see many different interprations of him that I end up confusing FF Harry with real Harry lol. I'm glad you liked him though.

Blaise wouldn't allow Luna to keep in touch with her old friends, especially Harry seeming as he knew how she really felt about him, Blaise would be too controlling and obsessive about it, as of course Harry would try to help Luna and become involved in their life & Blaise wouldn't like that. Hopefully my future chapter on Blaise may help resolve some questions that are still up in the air over his actions.

I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this! I've really enjoyed reading you comments and opinions, I'll definately let you know when I update!!


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Review #7, by maraudersmapBroken Dreams: Shocking News

16th December 2008:
Ooh, I love the new plot twist! I am very excited to see what happens next. So Blaise can't have children, huh? I find that hard to believe, as Luna was so sure of who the father was. In fact, she's barely thought of Harry. Does that mean that she doesn't love Harry like Blaise thinks she does? One thing, though: Shouldn't she have been able to tell that she was pregnant before five months? By then, it should've started to show. Perhaps she just thought it was the drinking?

I liked that she looked at photographs and remembered their happier times. It is very sad, her longing and bitterness. I don't understand Blaise's character, as he's so tender one moment and so angry and cold the next. I'm starting to think that he's sick, in some way or another. I'm not sure whether I want Luna to leave him or not. Well, of course I want her to leave him if he keeps acting like this, but he did love her once... perhaps he can change. Did she love him too? Or did she just marry him because he offered her help?

Your writing is great, and you have a knack for details. You write beautiful scenery descriptions, and I loved the dialogue between Luna and Blaise in this chapter. However, I'm sort of feeling that you're repeating yourself a bit too much. You've written so many times that it's like a second nature to Luna to care about her appearance, and it's getting boring. I liked that she stood up for Malfoy, as that showed that she hadn't lost her old self COMPLETELY. Great job!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the twist! I was hoping to suprise people lol. I'm always reading magazine where women give birth without knowing they are pregnant lol, so I decided to use that in this story, & of course the drinking would help to disguise any morning sickness as putting on weight as she would just think it was due to the alcohol.

I think Luna would want to try to remember a time when she was happy to help her get through the day, and I felt it was important to know that she was happy at one point, and it will help understand Blaise's character a little later on. He is a strange character and all explanations will be coming soon as to what he has done and why, as he did love her very much. I like to think that Luna is the type of character who would only marry someone she loved, so yeah, she did love Blaise.

I intended to keep writing about her appearance, I wanted to show the monotonous tone of her day and how completely she has changed from the Luna we all know and love. But yeah, there is still some of the old Luna hidden away somewhere that popped up in defence of Malfoy.

Thanks again for taking the time to review!


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Review #8, by maraudersmapBroken Dreams: Photographs

16th December 2008:
I do realize that these reviews are few and far between, but please bear with me. I will review all five chapters. :)

What struck me about this chapter was how perfectly you portrayed Luna's longing to live someone else's life. Her meeting with Lavender was not just a random plot twist; it was an incident that made the reader understand just how unhappy Luna was. And while we're at it: Lavender was wonderfully characterized as the giggly, happy girl. I often see her written as a stupid bimbo, which is quite silly. She may not have been very deep or serious (and let's face it, she was very silly in HBP, but come on, the girl was in love!) but I'm glad that you've portrayed her like this.

I liked that she wanted to redecorate the room - an attempt to put some colour back in her life. What's happened to the Quibbler is terribly sad, but I can only hope that it will turn back into the interesting magazine it once was.

Though not very much happens in every chapter, you manage to make every sentence worthwhile. And I've got to say: Harry?! I didn't see that one coming, even though I should've. ^_^

My favourite part: How could a picture scorn her life so much?

Author's Response: That's no problem, I'm sure you have a life outside of HPFF lol.

I'm not a big fan of Lavender at all, I was worried that I wouldn't get her right so that fact that you think I did an ok job with her is great.

i always imagine Luna as someone who has a lot of colour around her to go with her usually happy moods, that's why I wanted her to redecorate, an attempt to go back to the Luna she once was. I was sad over what happened to The Quibbler as well, it's just another way of showing Blaise's controling side.

Lol, I don't mind the pairing of Harry/Luna even though I don't write them, I think they kind of mesh well together

Thanks so much for the review I appreciate it!


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Review #9, by maraudersmapBroken Dreams: Always Lingers

13th December 2008:
What an interesting twist! So Blaise really did love Luna... and he felt bad that he'd destroyed her... That was very surprising, but I'm glad. It brings more depth to the story and raises a lot of new questions. Who is this mystery man? Is it true that Luna still loves him?

Luna's new personality seemed more natural in this chapter, and not as forced. This chapter really made me understand why she turned out the way she did. It's very sad, of course, and I still can't quite picture Luna as an empty shell, afraid all the time. It's a nice touch that she saw Blaise for what she wanted him to be rather than the man he actually was, but it was a little out of character. She was herself when he first came to her, after all, and her personality had yet to change.

This is a very sad story. I know I've said it before, but you write the mood and the characters' feelings perfectly. It's a great storyline, and I like it more the more I read. Moving on to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yes he loved her really, and he does feel bad, I also thought that would give a little more depth to Blaise. The mystery man? lol, you'll find out lol.

It wasn't that Luna wasn't herself when she first met Blaise, he was the one who presented himself as someone else in order to get her to marry him. She only saw what he wanted her to see.

This is a sad story, very different to the stuff I usually write so I'm glad you are enjoying it. I really appreciate all your comments and opinions so far! Thanks very much


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Review #10, by maraudersmapBroken Dreams: Perfect Life

10th December 2008:
Hullo, this is maraudersmap from the forum! :) I cannot tell you how sorry I am about the huge delay. My only excuse is that I've been extremely busy.

I'm generally very skeptical to fanfiction-Luna, because I find that she's a very hard character to write. Your take on her is certainly original, and very entertaining too. It's fascinating that she's so different from the girls she once was, and it makes me wonder why it happened, how it happened and whether she'll ever return to her loony self. :) However, it's slightly disturbing that you've changed her so much, because if Luna isn't eccentric, who is she? I'm excited to read more of your characterizing of her.

Your writing is undoubtedly spectacular. You've captured the angsty mood of the story perfectly. Your descriptions of the house were vivid, and I almost felt as though I was standing there.

This is certainly an original plot. I have never read anything like it, and I can't wait to find out where it's going. The pairing is also an interesting one, and that's always a plus! :D

My favourite part was when she fixed her lipstick, as that showed her need to be perfect. I also liked this part: He had the nasty habit of talking at you, talking you round in circles until you could only see his point of view and you felt like an idiot for ever trying to oppose his ideas in the first place.

Overall, I really liked this chapter. :)

Author's Response: Hi there, no probs at all, thanks for taking the time to pop by lol.

Luna is VERY hard to write, I write a lot of Luna and I'm always worried that I'll make a big mistake with her.

This time I'm going for a different Luna to the one we know as her marriage is what has broken her, changed her into the person she now is who is completely different to the Luna we all know and love. The Luna she is now is a broken and depressed woman not the happy lively girl she was. I look forward to hearing what you think of her as the story goes on.

I'm flattered you think so much of the writing!! I'm not really a writer of angst so I'm really pleased you thought I got the mood of the story right!

I don't know where the idea for this pairing came from, I certainly haven't seen very much of Luna/Blaise on this site.

I liked that idea for Blaise, I thought it sort of brought out the cunning slytherin side of him a little bit lol.

Thanks so much for all the feedback, I really appreciate the comments!


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Review #11, by maraudersmapRevelations: A Revelation Comes to Light

26th November 2008:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

I liked this one-shot a lot. It was sweet and touching, and it portrayed Sirius perfectly. He seemed exactly like I've always imagined him: The sexy, mysterious guy who picks his friends over girls only because he haven't met his special someone.

I love the idea. Sirius meeting a girl he could come to love on the worst possible time... It was touching, and you wrote of his desire to just be with her wonderfully. I also like the fact that Sirius was sent to Azkaban only hours after this took place.

The mature scene was good, I think. It was tasteful and sexy, and definitely not too graphic. It seemed very natural. However, I'd like to read the conversation between Sirius and Roxie. A common phrase in writing: 'Show, don't tell.' I didn't feel their emotions, which I think that I would've if I'd SEEN their conversation, not just heard about it. You follow me? :P This made the flow slightly uneven. So... more conversation! :D

Overall, the writing was good. I did spot a few mistakes, but nothing too obvious. And I really did like it!

Author's Response: thank you so much for the review. It's the first time i've ever done a mature scene and was quite unsure about it. it wasn't going to end like that originally i was going to have him just walk away regretting it thinking he had to stop it.

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Review #12, by maraudersmapA Dying Legacy: Patient Zero

23rd November 2008:
I know I've already mentioned how original this story is, but I'll say it again: It's extremely original. :P The idea you've come up with is a brilliant one. It is so exciting and addictive, and I found myself glued to the screen throughout the chapter.

Your writing is great: It's simple and elegant. I love that: Few things are more annoying than endless tirades of words...unless they are excellently woven together, and only magnificent authors can do that with grace.

It was great that the Potter and Weasley children were a part of it. It made everything less dark and secretive, even though it was still mysterious and intriguing. Your characterizing was great, especially of Molly and Rose. Molly was exactly like Percy, which made me laugh. ;)

I'd like to know what the group including Pansy and Goyle is all about. They sort of reminded me of death eaters, but since Voldemort's dead and all, I can't wait to find out. I'm glad we're finally seeing what the disease is all about. It's disgusting. I felt really bad for Goyle (and all the others with the disease, of course).

Overall, this story is great. I'm adding it to my favourites. Do not hesitate to request for more reviews when you update. :)

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm really happy you think that my story is original, and the idea brilliant. I'm surprised that I'm getting such a good response from people. It gives me more will to continue writting it and to captivate you all. =D

Sometimes I'm worried that people won't like my writting because I can't do good descriptions, and the reader might not get into the mood. So I'm happy you like my writting.

The dialog between Molly and Rose was fun to write. I mainly wanted to show people that Rose wan't like Hermione, like I read in a lot of fan fictions. Nobody wants to be like their parents, especially teenagers. But Molly is another story, given that she was raised by Percy and I imagine his wife to be like him, it's natural that Molly would be a lot like him. But Lucy is more laid back than her parents and sister.

They are wannabe Death Eaters LOL But their leader isn't as organized and smart as Voldemort.
Yes the disease is disgusting, really bloody... I feel bad for Goyle too, he was only doing what he was told, and got this out of it.

Thank you for reviewing and adding it to you favourites. Chapter 3 is waiting validation. When it is up, I'll request another review ^^

ForgottenFace


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Review #13, by maraudersmapA Dying Legacy: Prologue

23rd November 2008:
Hullo, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

This prologue was extremely intriguing, and it took all my self control to not read the next chapter right away. In my opinion, it was exactly the way a prologue should be: Short, interesting and it raised a lot of questions.

I think that it was almost too short...I'd like to know more about how he was killed, for instance. A part of me felt that the doctor was too young? I'm just being picky now, though. Naturally, I loved it.

This is certainly a great and original plot. I have never read anything like it. Your writing is great, and I enjoyed the scenery description at the beginning and the realistic dialogue.

Author's Response: Hi, maraudersmap!

I'm happy you like it so much =D

Well in the wizarding world the doctor really was too young. 45 years old is young compared to how long they can live. There will be kind of like a recontruction of what happened during the 20 years and why he was killed. But I won't reveal anything =P

Thank you for the compliments and for reviewing =)

ForgottenFace


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Review #14, by maraudersmapDiscretion: Of Spunky Pink Brooms

18th November 2008:
I find Quidditch matches very hard to write, but you did it wonderfully. I truly admire you for that. :) It was exciting and filled with action and humour.

I would be angry if my broom had somehow turned pink too, but... well, Naomi did overreact. But then again, isn't that what we love about her? It was a lot of fun, the way she tried to kill Fred and George and almost blinded poor Adrian Pucey. Personally, I think she should've been kicked off the team for doing that. :P But oh well, I'm glad she's still going strong! :D

Ollie is as cute as ever. I'm sort of hoping that she'll get together with him in the end, unless Roger turns out to be this amazingly cool super hero. :)

What I like the most about this story is, of course, your humour. I liked this chapter a lot as well, because I'm really getting into it. I didn't find any more things to criticize than previously mentioned. Your writing is getting better as well. I would like to know more about Naomi's past and family and so on, though.

Oh, and did I mention that I love your banner and chapter images? I didn't? Well, do. ^_^ Feel free to re-request for more reviews when you update! :D I've enjoyed the story a lot.

Author's Response: Hey!
Woah, thanks for the compliment. XD
Haha, the possibility of her being off the team honestly didn't even cross my mind! :O
The lovely chapter images and banners are all thanks to the amazing people at TDA! :D They're EXTREMELY talented. I don't think I'd ever be able to succeed in making one, and if I did, it'd just be a total wreck.
Thanks a whole lot for your reviews! You're a star. XD


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Review #15, by maraudersmapDiscretion: Shangry Emotions

18th November 2008:
This chapter was even funnier than the last one. Which, I might add, must mean that it was VERY funny. Is Naomi boy crazy much? :P I loved how her hormones were going crazy, especially when she thought of Malfoy.

I loved that Roger saved her. Who doesn't want a knight in shining armour from time to time? :P It was cute and foreshadowed the possibility of a relationship between the two. I also liked Naomi's reaction when they suggested that she had feelings for Oliver. She certainly confirmed it rather than denied it by that display. ;)

Oh, and I thought it was GREAT that she bumped into someone who, most likely, won't be her future boyfriend. In almost every fic I've read which includes 'The rather classic bumped-into-someone scenario', it's been two potential lovers.

I spotted a few spelling and grammar errors here as well, but nothing too horrible. I must admit that it sort of annoys me how you use a lot of exclamation marks and spell the words incorrectly when you wish to emphasize them, such as 'sooo'. It would work better to just use italics.

I like Naomi's character, even though she's extremely melodramatic. The fact that she acts that way only makes the story funnier. :D When it comes to Flint... I thought it was rather clishe that he attacked her the way he did, but in a way, I liked it. It was what made Roger a bigger part of the story, after all.

Author's Response: Haha, thanks for reviewing again. :D
Oh, she's definitely boy-crazy, having kept her hormones in for too long.
Gah! Sorry about the exclamation marks and the extra letters in my words. I'll try to change that.
Yep, she's definitely melodramatic. :D
I had no idea how to describe Flint attacking her, so yeah, it's VERY cliche. Rarhhs. But I had to add Roger in somehow...
Cheers.


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Review #16, by maraudersmapDiscretion: Atomic Garlic Breath

18th November 2008:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

I was very glad when you requested a review for a fic like this, as I've recently grown very fond of Oliver/OC stories (I'm actually working at one at the moment myself). I haven't read any Roger/OC stories yet though, so this is a first. ;) It was slightly confusing with the different timeline, but I'll manage.

This chapter was certainly amusing. I found myself laughing several times, especially when she hoped that she'd be an orange-flavoured popsicle. :) Oliver was most definitely annoying, but don't worry: I did find him cute as well. I was very shocked when I'd thought that he'd kicked her off the team, as that was WAY too harsh, even for Oliver. I was very relieved when she was allowed to continue.

You wanted help with grammar. Unfortunately, I'm not too great when it comes to that. I did see a few comma mistakes, though. Anyway, the best advice I can give you is to get a beta. You'll find one at the forums.

I don't have a lot of criticism, but I do have some: I felt that it was a little too random at times. I wouldn't think too much of it if I were you, as it works, but I just thought I'd let you know. While the character introductions at the beginning were both amusing and fitting, they were sort of unnecessary. You could have introduced the characters when they actually entered the story. One more thing: Somehow Oliver seemed too extreme.

Overall, though, I liked it a lot. Moving on to the next chapter...

Author's Response: hiya! So glad you could find the time to review! Really appreciate it a whole lot :D
Hurray for Oliver/OC :D. So sorry about the whole warped timeline thing. Just didn't want the age differences to be too large D:
Okay, I'll work with the random-ness thing. Haha, sorry, I just cram whatever comes into my mind into the story, so it turns out a little messy. Oh, and I might've pictured Oliver as a crazy nazi in Quidditch uniform, hence the extremeness. XD. I'll try and curb that though. :)
Thanks for reading this. :D


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Review #17, by maraudersmapSitting in the Orange Tree: Lessons In Forgiveness

18th November 2008:
I loved this chapter, if only because it made everything slightly clearer. It moved the plot forwards, but not too much.

I liked her thoughts at the beginning, how she was sick of the white world and wanted to move on. It was very natural, after all. My guess is that she has still had some important things to do on earth, one of them being to forgive her parents. It was great that she did it. It brought much more depth to her character, and I feel like I know her better.

Could Luna sense that her mother was there? I like to believe that she could. ^_^

If there's anything I would love to see... well, yes. I would love to see what's keeping her there (obviously) and I'd like to know more about her past. More Luna is always good too, of course. And what about Lily and James? Why haven't they moved on yet?

Overall, I've enjoyed this story a lot. You're very welcome to re-request when you update, which will hopefully be soon. :)

Author's Response: I felt this chapter was a lot clearer too, in a way. I'm glad you feel like you know her a bit more, as that's one of the things that was bugging me. We dont know that much about her!

thank you so much for the review :)


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Review #18, by maraudersmapSitting in the Orange Tree: Skeleton Wood

18th November 2008:
This story is making me so SAD. Seriously, I'm close to crying right now. The thought of a woman loving her daughter so much but knowing that she can't be in her life... She thinks she'll always be alone... You manage to portray emotions beautifully.

Your descriptions are so vivid, particularly the description of the Skeleton Wood, which literally took my breath away. To think that the soul have died but the body haven't... It sent shivers down my spine.

I like that time doesn't exist where she is now. It makes much more sense. And time isn't that great anyway. :P

I know I've said this before, but I can't help but to say it again: Your imagination is impressive. I admire you a lot. Slowly but surely, I'm starting to grasp Aurelia's character. And I think I like her. :)

Author's Response: don't be sad... think happy thoughts! I love descriptions, so knowing you liked them makes me so so happy! thanks for the review :)

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Review #19, by maraudersmapSitting in the Orange Tree: The Lady Who Was Not Death

18th November 2008:
It's me again. :)

I'm so thrilled about Lily and James. I'm a huge L/J fan, you see, so every story gets a little better if it includes them. :P I'm very excited to see where it's going.

I never knew that I was a Xeno/wife shipper until now, but apparently I am. :D I was very touched when she dropped in on him. I loved how you portrayed her feelings for him, and the fact that he'd dedicated that issue of the Quibbler to her. It was beautiful, but I must admit that I'm slightly confused: So Luna could see Aurelia? Or did I just miss something?

...his quill darting across the page like a pygmy puff in love. I loved that line.

I also love the many, brilliant ideas you've come up with. The Orchard, for example, is a very fascinating place. And the old lady who isn't death. I admire your courage, because it can't be easy to write of something as distant and unfamiliar as death. You've done a wonderful job, though. For some reason, the thought of dying doesn't seem that scary anymore. :P

Author's Response: hi again :) I wanted to include them so that we can all relate a bit more to Aurelia, so she isnt just another random OC.

Luna can't see Aurelia at all :(

Courage? Well, I'm honoured that you think that. It's something is closely linked with my experiences so it just comes naturally. And I'm glad dying isnt so scary to you anymore, it's had the same effect for me. It's very comforting :) thanks for the review!


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Review #20, by maraudersmapSitting in the Orange Tree: In Between

15th November 2008:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :) So sorry about the huge delay. I've been extremely busy, if that's any excuse.

This is not only original; it's extremely touching and sad as well.

The idea you've come up with: Luna's mother, a character we know so little about, watching Luna go on without her, is undoubtedly one of the most brilliant ideas on this site. I loved the vivid descriptions of the strange place she's come to. The orange three in particular, is a wonderful idea.

I also loved the beginning of this chapter, because it sort of explained why it was in an orange three, of all places, that she found herself.

So far, you've portrayed Aurelia perfectly. I'd like to know more about her, though. You know, basic facts that aren't really important but nice to know anyway because it makes the reader understand the character. :P

I am very, very intrigued by this chapter, and I can't wait to see where it's going.

Author's Response: dont worry about the delay, look how long it's taken me to reply! *hides in shame*

I'll work on her character, I think she needs filling out a bit too! thanks for the review!


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Review #21, by maraudersmapHate My House: Get Out!

14th November 2008:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

This one-shot certainly put a smile to my face. It was funny and sad at the same time, which is always good. It's definitely original. In fact, I have never read anything like it. You portrayed Walburga's character wonderfully: She was amusing, mean and... well, stupid, but there were hints of sadness and loneliness in between that brought more depth to her character. It was great that she actually felt sad when she learned of Sirius' death, if only for a moment. She was his mother, after all.

On a side note: It wasn't a known fact that Sirius betrayed James and Lily, and he was proclaimed innocent after his death.

Your writing was very good, and I didn't spot any glaring spelling or grammar mistakes. I loved the humorous details; like that she wouldn't admit that Sirius was her son; that Kreacher called her a lovely goddess (which I still haven't stopped laughing at, by the way); that he read her the newspaper; that she predicted Harry's death, her sudden outbursts...and so on.

It flowed nicely, and you managed to make it worthwhile to read a story from a portrait's pov.

I LOVED the ending... how it ended in a circle and that she FINALLY realized that she actually wanted all the 'filthy bloodtraitors' in her house. It made the story much deeper.

Overall, I enjoyed this story a lot. :)

Author's Response: Hello maraudersmap! Thank you so much for the review. It was interesting trying to write like a portrait, but in the end I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm still a little confused on the side note bit. Did I put that Sirius betrayed them somewhere? Let me know so I can edit that right away!

Again, Thanks
-kjodraco


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Review #22, by maraudersmapCome Back To Bed: Come Back To Bed

8th November 2008:
Hullo, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

The main reason that I liked this fic so much was that it was so calm, so peaceful, but one could feel the storm that was brewing. It is so sad to think Remus and Tonks, who was so alive with love and courage, died only a few months later. They would never know their son or live together in the world they so desperately fought for.

As you can tell, you've made me both sad and thoughtful. :P I've always liked the characters, and you've done them both justice. You portrayed his feelings for him perfectly: The concern, the love, the amusement... His need to protect her was obvious, but not in any way annoying or clished (which I've found that stories about over-protective boyfriends tend to be.)

I loved the small details: Remus' thinning hair, for example, which not only witnessed of his being a werewolf or his age, but also the war they were fighting. Or the way he faintly traced her face, which was yet another sign of his love.

The description at the beginning were so vivid that I felt as though I was there. I did spot a few spelling mistakes, but I only saw them because I was really looking.

Overall, I think you've written a brilliant one-shot, despite the fact that not much happens.

Author's Response: wow what a great review. I am absolutely grinning and beaming at the computer screen. You have just made me very happy. Yay. Thank you so so much. I am so glad you liked it

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Review #23, by maraudersmapBelle Mémoire: Goodbye

8th November 2008:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

This was undoubtedly a very touching one-shot. I found myself close to crying, especially at the ending, when Draco finally showed a sign of weakness. You portrayed his grief very well, I think. He was bitter and cold enough to be Draco, but broken enough to be in love.

I'm not too sure what I thought about the fourth year-Draco, though. He seemed too open, too emotional. Somehow I felt that Draco still didn't like muggleborns (which he couldn't have, as he later joined the death eaters) but he wasn't bothered by loving one. Perhaps I just missed something?

There was another thing that bothered me as well: Draco seemed to love her for her looks rather than her personality. I know that this probably wasn't the case; it just seemed like it sometimes.

When it comes to Harry and Ron's characterizing, I'm a little unsure. I don't like the idea of Ron drinking, or Harry telling Draco that they have to move on, but that being said, I can see it happening. There was still some obvious distance between Draco and Ron and Harry, and I don't know how I feel about that. He had married their best friend, so I'd have thought Hermione would do everything in her power to make them get along.

I spotted a few minor typos: Some places it was 'is' instead of 'was', for instance. It was barely noticeable, though. You really do have your way with words: Your descriptions were breathtaking, beautiful and not in any way boring or confusing. The dialogue was very realistic as well, and I was impressed when I read of the proposal, because it didn't seem melodramatic at all. It's very well done to write something so romantic so real.

At first I was slightly confused about the whole pensieve-thing, as it was from the past Draco's pov, but I quickly got into it, and found that I enjoyed it very much. I sort of feel that there's something missing, though: How did Hermione die? How did Draco finally win her over?

I hope I haven't been too critical, because the truth is that I liked it a lot. My favourite parts must have been the voices in Draco's head when he saw the pensive and Rosaline hugging her dead mother.

Great job! :D (Oh, and I loved that you described Hermione's ankles as feminine, as Aunt Muriel describes them as skinny in DH...:P)

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Review #24, by maraudersmapNotes on a Mirror: Notes on a Goodbye

6th November 2008:
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)

Although I'm a little confused about where the characters will go from here, I really liked it. The breathtaking descriptions, vivid images and realistic dialogue are only a few of the things that make your writing so captivating. I could see, smell, feel and almost taste the room you described.

You portray two imperfect persons perfectly, with a lot of emotion. It was not too melodramatic, however, which was great. You wrote of her love for him and the reasons she loved him beautifully, and even though I knew that it would end badly, I couldn't blame her.

Even though Rodolphus is a canon character, we don't get to know that much about him in canon. You've done a great job at making him realistic, and I could easily understand her fascination. I can't wait to see how you portray Bella, as she's one of the most interesting characters in the HP universe. :) I didn't quite grasp Franciszka's character though, but I suppose that's because it's only the first chapter.

I especially loved the ending: How she wanted to see him; how he reacted; how she found out that he was in love with Bellatrix... It's most certainly an intriguig plot. It is unique and original without being random. This could easily have happened, after all.

At first I was rather confused, with the dialogue in italics and all, but I understood as I kept reading. Overall, I think you've done a wonderful job. :)

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Review #25, by maraudersmapMeet The Potters: Meet The Potters

6th November 2008:
I didn't think it was stupid at all, actually. It was very cute and it made me laugh, which was exactly what I needed. :D I loved your portrayal of all the characters, especially James and Granny Evans. If only Granny Evans was fifty years younger indeed... :P It was great that it was Mr. Evans' point of view: I don't think I've ever read a story in which Sirius is portrayed like that. Your writing is humorous and entertaining, and this story really did make my day. :)

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad ya like it! I like Granny Evans too, she was inspired by my friend's grandmother! I hope my friend never reads this!

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