Oh my goodness, you can't leave us hanging like that! The restaurant sounds fabulous and I can't wait to find out how the "interview" goes!Author's Response: OMG HI GIANT SQUID
I seriously can't imagine anything but the actual squid typing on a computer now... day has been made.
Dood, I wish I could go to The Hanging Moon (even though I'd never be able to afford it either!)
Thanks so much for the review :3 Report Review
Just read all the way through and I'm loving this story so much! Edie's a crack-up, and I can definitely identify with the whole not-having-one's-life-together bit. Can't wait to read about the rest of the interviews with Oliver and how her date with Jae turns out!Author's Response: Yaaay!!! Thank you so much! I'm always so excited to have a new reader :D Report Review
This sounds really interesting - can't wait to read more! Report Review
Just wanted to let you know that I really like what you've got so far and can't wait to keep reading! I can't wait to find out what happened between Vesper and James.Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm really glad that you like it! Report Review
There are no words to describe how much I love this. I absolutely love the style you chose to write it in, with the "It goes a little bit like this:" and the parentheses, because I'm always a fan of punctuation. I love how you start with almost an introduction of both of them (though probably the most unique introduction ever conceived) and then jump into the scene. I can't get over your detail and metaphors and descriptions, but they make me feel like I'm right there in the rain with them. There are so many lines that I loved but I think my absolute favorite is "(Interesting side note: both pieces belong to her)." Absolutely beautiful one-shot, and I have a feel that after this, I'll never truly be in love until a kiss tastes like heaven is breaking. Report Review
Wow. That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. You had me tearing up there, which, well, actually is isn't that hard to do but is still a pretty good accomplishment. I love how you've broken it up into the different stages, and I think you've captured each one perfectly. The first sentence is absolutely brilliant, as is the following description, and when you tie it back later, when the boy holds the sunset in his hands and the tree branches dip down and that's how autumn happens is...ah! There are no words.
My absolutely favorite line, I think, is "You sit in your room and paint your nails and do not cry" because it's so stark and bleak and yet somehow conveys everything about the moment perfectly. The detail about the paper stars is particularly haunting, and I can picture the scene in the bathtub all too clearly. You've done a brilliant job mastering the complicated emotions and your descriptions belong on another planet. This sentence: "You can cut and fold and glue all you want, but eventually you will run out of paper trying to give him the sky" just breaks my heart into a million pieces. Really, really brilliant job, and I just can't think of any other words to use to describe how. . . well, brilliant this piece is. Report Review
God, I really can't wait until we find out James' secret! Or secrets, plural; you never really know with him. Overall, I think you've done a good job with James. You said he's spiraling out of control every time you write him, but I think that's a good thing. James, in my mind at least, is sort of out of control in general, and a downward spiral fits his current situation nicely.
As for the other characters, I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. In this chapter, Victoire is used more of a lens into others' characters than anything else, but there's still enough to keep her from being flat. I'm curious to find out what her secret is! There's not a lot about Lily, but from both this chapter and the past ones, she strikes me as taking James' return the hardest. I wonder if James' disappearing act involved her at all. . . I'll have to wait and see, I suppose! Dom's character seems a bit arch at the moment, but like you said it wasn't a lot to go off of. I think for that particular scene it was fine.
The end part bugs me a bit. If he does it just because he's bored, then it would make more sense to me that he's had a one-night stand before, but the last sentence of the chapter leads me to believe he hasn't. Unless, of course, he just doesn't stay the morning after, which seems a bit more like James to me. I'd maybe clarify if that's the case. The whole situation's teetering on the verge of being cliche. I think that maybe if we knew a bit more about what was going on in James' head, things might make more sense. Is this a habit of his when he's bored? Does he like the control that he has of being able to pick up women everywhere? Does he figure he's got nothing to lose? Does he seek comfort? Someone who actually wants him, since his family doesn't? A little more background might ground the whole situation a bit more and make it more believable, in my opinion.
I really like the description at the beginning of the scene, of the businessmen. The line how they're shimmering and glowing in the sun is particularly powerful. Overall, I think you've done of good job of creating this darker James, who's yet to mature and seems incredibly self-absorbed. To tell you the truth, I don't really like him at the moment (I'm not sure if that's what you're going for or not) but at the same time, I'm utterly curious about what his secret is. You've got him acting like a complete jerk, but keep leaving us hints that there are reasons behind it. Hopefully they'll be some answers soon! Lovely chapter, and I can't wait until the next one. And a cookie for you if you actually read this whole thing! If you haven't noticed, I tend to talk a lot . . .Author's Response: As I've just said in the last reply, look out for the next chapter. There will be some answers, and hopefully I'll address it in detail later as well as what he's been up to whilst he's been away. That spiral is about to go even deeper!
That flatness is exactly what I was worried about. Because I'm using so many different characters to show different little scenes both featuring James and those talking about him, I worry they're not coming off well in themselves. I'm so glad that Victoire hasn't suffered from that.
Lily definitely is and you'll see why shortly. I do feel for her a lot. Dominique will make her proper appearance in chapter 6, where she's a little calmer than in this one. A lot calmer, actually.
That's exactly it. The last sentence is referring to him not staying long enough to hold a conversation with the girl. I'll clear that up. It gave me such a problem that I just gave up in the end and left it was it was :P
Cliché? Eek. Again, it WILL get cleared up, I promise, but I can't do that until he's had his reality check. It's just this hedonistic lifestyle that he's slipped into. Like I said, sit tight and I'll give you a reason eventually.
That's exactly what I'm going for. I had a shock when people initially liked him - this has happened in another of my stories where I've only come across one person who hates the OC - it appears I'm not very good at making this type of character easy to dislike!
Thank you so much for the fantastic review. I've read it many times and really am so sorry that I've not replied sooner. I really appreciate your advice and help.
The next chapter is in the queue as I type (on August 12th) and it should be up soon!
Thank you again ^_^ Report Review
It's me again! I like the way you started the chapter off - wasn't quite sure who you were talking about at first, which makes me want to read more. The second sentence is a bit awkward, though. The way I read it, it's about 'the word' of James rolling up to her doorstep, when I think you mean the word of James' arrival in general. You might want to clarify that just to clear things up. Also, I don't think you need the "though" in there. The sentence makes sense without it. I like the detail about her forcing James to say "please" a lot. It really highlights the fact that he's acting like a petulant child who wants another ice cream rather than a grown-man. I think you did a really good job with characterizing Hermione. She's a bit short with him, but at the same time deep down he's her nephew. I love the line "No, now he was a man and he was in control and it was, frankly, terrifying. ". It just really jumped out at me. And all these hints about what James did! What is so despicable? What isn't he ashamed of? I can't wait to find out.
On to the second part, because I am a chronological person and you've made it easy for me to be so. Once again, you prove your prowess at acknowledging the littlest details. All of the things that have changed - the collage, the marks around her mirror, and, my personal favorite, the black outline on the star - really show out out of touch James is and how detached he now his from the family. I really loved that part. And part three, which I'll stick in here too since it wasn't very long. I think Hermione's spot on here - nervously looking at James while talking to Victoire and then switching back into her role as a mother and aunt and straight-laced rule follower who's annoyed at James ("I tipped it down the sink". Priceless). The last part is just fantastic! It sounds just like something Ron would say, and the irony is almost overwhelming. A nice way to end it. Alright, another novel-length review. Can't wait to see what happens next!Author's Response: I'm so sorry for not getting to this sooner. I'm not used to getting such long reviews from someone I don't know! Usually I can leave them to go unreplied to for a while and apologise to the person in question somewhere else for leaving it so I truly am sorry.
I'll definitely go back and edit that first paragraph a little (I'm not sure if I already have...I can't remember!) I'm glad that Hermione's come across well. I've never felt so unsure about a characterisation. I don't write the Trio...ever :P
Chapter 5 will reveal a little bit on what he did, then I'll do the finer details at a later date. I'm scared of having the readers turn against me if I don't address it soon!
The little details are the most important, I think. I tryyy not to point out what should be obvious, try to leave a little to the imagination yet mark my own stamp on it. If that's coming off, that's perfect.
Haha, I like that line myself, actually. I think she was definitely more in character there whereas Ron was a little off, for me, though I'm glad it sounds like him for you!
Thank you so much for the helpful and detailed review and I really am truly sorry that it's taken so long for me to reply to. I really wanted to do it some justice.
Thank you! Report Review
". . . who looked momentarily like a rabbit caught in a blinding wandlight." This is the very first thing that caught my attention, simply because I'm forever wanting to use "like a deer in the headlights" in my own writing and forever searching for a suitable wizarding replacement. Glad to see someone found one!
On to the rest of the chapter! I think you did a fabulous job with the descriptions of Al's surroundings when he sits by the pond. Almost poetic, really. And I like the scene between Molly and Al. I can't quite picture Molly as the conspirator, however - like when she tells Al not to say that in front of his dad. Molly's always been the strict one, in contrast to Arthur's general laxness. It's not so much of a stretch that it distracted me from the story, though, but I think her earlier comments (about how James' is a "good boy" with a "big heart") were much more 'Molly'. Just my two-cents, since you were asking about characterization.
As for the second half, I really like the little details you've woven throughout, like the "password" for the gate, the pile of shoes by the door, and the design magazine. They made it feel much more realistic. One of my favorite parts of this chapter is when James sits down and stands up and rifles through everything. Very much the picture of restlessness, and I think it's a great little detail to show and not just tell the readers about James' character. This sentence ("The only person who could stare him down, he cracked and turned to his father, equally stony faced but trying not to look directly at his son's blue eyes. ") confuses me a bit, though. I get what you're trying to say, but I get confused on the subject of the first clause. I would suggest maybe switching the order around. ("He cracked and turned to his father, the only person who could stare him down, who was equally stony faced but trying not to look directly at his son's blue eyes. ") Just a thought!
Annddd I just realized that this review got unnecessarily long. Sorry about that! Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm really enjoying this story so far. You've got a knack for detailed descriptions and I'm extremely curious to find out why James left in the first place - and why his family hates him so much. Wonderful job, and I'm looking forward to reading more!Author's Response: I used rabbit? I'm sure I've used something else in there before; hippogriff or unicorn or something :P They take ages to think of - some people use them brilliantly though.
I understand that completely. My thing with Molly was that as she's the Potters' only grandmother (as opposed to the rest of the grandkids, I assume), I always saw her to maybe be a little more lenient with them. I know my grandparents are a lot looser with me than my parents. I was trying to translate that across but evidently not very well :P
Oh I don't even remember that o.O - I'll have to look it up as I'm back in the Potters' house for the chapter I'm writing now and I forget the details!
That is one line that killed me to write. I knew what I wanted to say but trying to get it right in my style of writing was impossible. I'll have a play with it and see what I can get but it has bugged me since the second I wrote it :P
Haha, I'm not complaining. Length usually means helpful and useful comments (though am terribly guilty of leaving 500 words of squee for some people) and that is definitely the case here. I'll take your advice on board and try and patch things up for when the queue reopens ^_^
Thank you! Report Review
hey there! so i stumbled across this story looking for a good james II-centric fic, seeing as there seems to be a general dearth of them on the archives, and i'm already hooked. your title and summary drew me in (and i must admit the pretty banner didn't hurt) but the first paragraph was just . . .wow. it's vague and i don't quite fully grasp it and it really makes me want to find out why james is that way. your descriptions are quite good as well, especially in the train scene. it's safe to say you've piqued my interested, and i look forward to reading more. nice job :)Author's Response: I'll start with the shortest review first :P Thank you, by the way, for all four. They really mean a lot.
Title I can take zero credit for. Thank the fantastic SnitchSnatcher for donating it to me. Summary is mine and I'm in love with that banner - the artist is amazing.
Exactly my aim so for you to feel that is hugely relieving for me! I'm glad you like the description and that you're interested in the story.
Thank you! Report Review
*fans face* is it hot in here, or is that just me?
anyway, lovely chapter, can't wait for the next one! Report Review
hey! so first of all i'm really glad you decided to write a sequel, and i think it's interesting that it's set after such a large time gap. so far, so good, though i'm thinking that some shenanigans might come from wedding planning :) can't wait to read more! Report Review
What's this rubbish about you not being good at HP fanfics? Nonsense. This chapter's hilarious. You've got quite a knack for dialogue - I can't practically hear the boys whispering about the Professor! Nice job. Report Review
Wow! I really like this so far - grabbed my attention right from the start. Rose seems absolutely hilarious, and I like that you started from this scene and are going to go backwards. Great job! Report Review
hey! i really like that you're focusing on astoria - it's an interesting point of view! can't wait to keep readingAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you think so! Yaay :D Report Review
wow! definitely grabs your attention, and a interesting take on things. i look forward to reading more.Author's Response: thanks. i haven't looked at this for a while, but I think I;ll be writing for it. Report Review
I really like this story so far -
you're a great writer! Report Review
That's all I have to say.
It's only the prolouge, and you've already got me hooked.
You're an amazing writer - I can't wait to see how the rest of the story plays out! Report Review
Cute. I love the last bit of dialouge..."You always have to make a scene."
Good job with that.
I'm sad this is almost over!!!Author's Response: Thanks! And yeah so am I =( Report Review
That's all I've got to say.Author's Response: lol. ok Report Review
I'm leaving a review, just like you told me so!
Ummm...yeah. Have I told you how much I love you?
Well, I do.
Keep it up. :) -jordanAuthor's Response: Yay thanks!
Well I love you too.
lol! Report Review
Bliss has a boyfriend.how cute.
Keep up the good work with the story,
I'm anxiously awaiting the climax!Author's Response: I know, you wouldn't expect it, huh. Report Review
I am so ready to kick some Death Eater butt right now!!!
Why Jazz? Why Jazz!!!
But your story's good! :)Author's Response: I'll kick it with you ;) Report Review
Talk about inopportune timing!
I just want them to bloody kiss already!Author's Response: I know that stupid boy! >_< grr. Report Review
"I thought you were my fairytale"...Really? You didn't know that.
Sadly enough, it was the first thing that I thought of.
But I like how the story's going! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: I really didn't.
And now that I do, as I hate High School Musical with every fibre of my being, it's a little depressing. Report Review
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