I really liked the chapter, I feel like we've gotten much more into the action and into the driving plot of idea of the story. (o:
Very nice scene with Snape in the beginning, and at last him finally trusting her about the phials. It's very much like Snape that he would immediately distrust, assuming some poison or other Darkness, especially during a time of so much danger, the inside man, having played both sides... But Hermione did well to convince him. (o:
Oh yay, no tomb!! But... drat, she's caught...
As for the flashback scene, I definitely think that, yeah, if he's dying, why not just take the potion? Even if he hadn't tested it! He was going to die anyway! But he didn't! Hurrah Hermione, you made it right!
Aw, it sounds like Snape didn't fancy having Little-Miss-Know-It-All give up her life to save his... Haha..! And yet, I think he does; I think you conveyed very well two sides of his emotions, though one side very, very overwhelmingly hidden and understated.
Great speech from Snape to the Unspeakables! And I like the part where Hermione knows he's furious with her, and yet trying to help her anyway. He did that few times even for Harry, haha! Though I think he helped Hermione much more here than he ever would have helped Harry. :oP
I like the agreement they came to at the end, even if it means Hermione spending two months in Azkaban. It's very interesting for the story, and of course wonderfully 'terrible' that she'll have to stay at Hogwarts (and near Snape!) for the entire next year. (o; Well done on this chapter!Author's Response: Thank you. ;) I was very happy with how this chapter turned out... even if its a bit sad. Report Review
Me again! I'll see how many reviews I can get through now. (o: Well, I like in the beginning how we see Hermione envisioning Snape working so hard, with the 12 cauldrons of various potions and etc. Lots of good details that made the scene come to life, and a nice connection between Snape's past ad Hermione's present.
Haha, I was really hoping that Hermione was going to try and bring him back! YAY! And also you have nice wording about how if she succeeds it will make all her hard work useless. It's ironic, and rare that someone would desire the very thing that would render their work pointless. Nice turn of phrase. (o:
Wow, making the antidote looks very difficult, especially if even Snape was unsuccessful! And Hermione has only one shot at it! I'm wishing her luck!! (o;
Hm, I do think Hermione's timing with her question about time- turners would have made her seem a bit obvious to McGonagall (who did pick up on it), but then again, Hermione has never been the best at being sneaky, withholding information, or choosing the right timing. Hehe.
Wow, I feel slow! I ever even thought of using a timer-turner to bring someone back to life! But yes I do agree that it must be illegal to do so, or else everyone would do it. Was this actually something once stated in the books, or you came up with it? Very logical.
Also, good explanation of how she got the timer-turner (the Hogwarts' time-turner!)... And then you left us with a cliffie about what happens when she shows up in Snape's headmaster room... Although, I wonder if she was able to choose the exact time of the day to return, or if she chose a completely different day than his last day alive...? I think the next chapter will tell of course! Another great chapter!Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful comments ;) *HUGS* Report Review
Hey there! academica here with your requested review :) I appreciate you reading my rules carefully enough to detect my code word, but you should take care to remember next time that I also said that I primarily look at new stories and those with few reviews. This one doesn't really fall into either of those categories.
I liked the imagery used in this piece, and I liked how serious you made Hermione, because I think that fits into her character. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation mistakes, which is always a plus.
I did have a couple of critiques. I would have preferred to get a little more backstory on the Severus/Hermione relationship. Perhaps that's explored in later chapters, however. My bigger complaint is that this seems a tad unrealistic. I have trouble believing that the staff would be so accepting and aware of a teacher/student relationship, and I also find it a little hard to accept that Hermione would so easily pass up her grieving friends, even in order to be with her lover. I would tread very carefully in the future with this pairing, both to make sure that it complies with the ToS but also to build up the relationship appropriately so that it makes more sense.
Nice first chapter, though :) Your writing flowed very nicely and it was certainly an interesting read. Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope my feedback is helpful to you!
academica (Slytherin)Author's Response: Well as of now, even in my current 11th chapter... there is no relationship. There is barely a friendship. And this means she did'nt pass up her friends to be with her lover.
Hermione saw Snape being ignored... when many others would have been dead if it were not for him and his sacrifices.
Also, Hermione is over 18... so that takes care of any TOS issues.
Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
oh this is lovely! i had to read it all the way through last night without stopping. am anxious to see what happens next. you are building a good story and not rushing things. thanks for a wonderful readAuthor's Response: Its a struggle to not rush things, but I know if I do, Severus falling for her will not be believable lol. Thank you for reading ;) Report Review
This is a great story, I haven't been able to stop reading and have neglected my homework instead. Haha, I can't wait for another chapter. This is definitely going to be saved in my favorites. Thank you.Author's Response: Ah. I want to say 'DO YOUR HOMEWORK FIRST'... but I love that you enjoyed my story so much lol. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! More to come very soon! *HUGS* Report Review
Hey, it's me with a second review!
So at beginning the story talks about the Burrow, and Hermione collecting her things. I personally like the idea that the 'trio' might choose to do different things after all is said and done with Hogwarts... I think as we become adults, those are the choices we make, but we find true friends in those who stick with us, no matter what kind of separation we find between us (jobs, distances, families, hard times, etc.) I really adore the three friends, but I think they've always each been their own person, too. I could read a good story about any one of them. (o:
I was thinking, as I read in the beginning of this chapter, that some things which might help readers latch onto what might be Hermione's growing feelings for Snape would be more flashbacks - minor ones, passing mentions, or brief pauses in thoughts... Maybe about how Hermione had seen things as a preteen, compared to how things look now as an adult, knowing what she knows. Maybe little things she had noticed about Snape, and now she sees everything differently. I don't know, just things that connect us to the past. I think for more readers, that would make them more open to feeling a 'canon' Sevmione feel, rather than thinking it has to be straight AU, and it might help more readers keep an open mind. For me, I don't think Snape/Hermione has to be AU to work. But for me, that's the fun of FanFiction. Figuring out how to make something which would seemingly not fit, actually fit into the world. (o: I think people have so many different layers and needs, emotional needs, connections... I can see Hermione valuing these various aspects about Snape, especially when it seems that no one ever took notice. And maybe from those feelings of value, respect, admiration would stem stronger feelings... (o:
I think it was a nice moment you had, with Hermione looking at the photo of a young Snape. I also find myself wondering more about his childhood, after all that was revealed in the 7th book. I wonder what his life was like both before and after Lily... and if it was all worth it, after having seen all that he went through later in life...
I wonder, since you mentioned it, was there any reason for house elves not coming to those rooms?
Oh, and I really liked the reflection Hermione was experiencing in bathroom and she looked over the salves, and various healing solutions, thinking of all that he went through to get them to their point of victory. It was a very strong, deep, moving scene for me, and made me connect more with this Hermione.
And I also liked the the spells protecting Snape's books. It seems very, very realistic that he would have his own resources which he would keep closely guarded - even, yes, dangerous books... And I like how you drop in little hints about Hermione being 'up to something', so we readers keep wondering where it's going. And also, of course I liked Hermione at dinner with the professors. Interesting what McGonagall said about not allowing students with immovable prejudices... I do wonder if we'll be seeing any of that later...? Just curious. Well done on this chapter too!Author's Response: As far as the house elves... I did'nt want to go off 'out of the way' with elves running into Hermione, who they don't like lol. I love the fact that only Snarky was allowed. Its not every creature... or every person who can deal with Snape and his moods on a regular basis lol.
I do have a few plans for the students who have immovable prejudices... lol. Enough said on that.
Thank you so much for your reviews... and I will request more! I'm glad you have enjoyed it! Report Review
Hi there! It's taylorj828 with your requested review! You've got a very good first chapter, intriguing and sets a nice mood and tone, also very honoring and respectful to those lost in the last battle... It flows nicely from where we finished in the books. (o:
I liked the first scene a lot. And of all the characters we know, especially the students, I could see Hermione feeling this way about Snape, feeling empathy, sadness coming on as she realizes how much Snape sacrificed, and how he never found happiness. I think she alone of all the students and even most of the adults, would actually stop and take notice. Hermione has always had a way of seeing things a little more deeply, or stepping back (or forward), and realizing things that pass others by. Anyway, very realistic!
Again, I really like the first scene, well done, interesting, and it makes the reader curious about what Hermione's thinking of doing, about why she used the phial to collect Snape's blood and the snake's venom... Curious...
Also, it was a nice touch, using Dumbledore's full name as the password to the office. (o:
Severus was the last person in this room
Just an observation, but do you think she would really think of him as 'Severus'? Or at the very most, maybe Severus Snape? I'm just curious, because we've only ever heard the students refer to him as Professor or Snape. It's a quick jump that Hermione here, in her mind, names him Severus, whereas she doesn't name McGonagall as Minerva...
Hehe, the "hem" sound reminds me of Umbridge! *shudder shudder* But otherwise, you've done a very good job on Dumbledore's voice, captured him pretty well in my opinion.
Hm, Hermione was tentatively signed up for a masters in potions? Curious, are you going to re-visit why she did this? It would have been at the end of 6th year when that was decided, right? Harry was genius in potions 6th year, because of Snape's old potions book. Hermione would have been very frustrated... I just wonder if there's going to be more reason or if this is going to come up again later as something significant?
Well, very nice first chapter! You've got me curious. I don't know if I've ever read a Hermione/Severus, perhaps only 1. I'm actually dead curious to see what you do, but... I kinda wish Snape was alive. Hehe. (And silly me, my fingers are crossed that Hemione is going to cook up just such a potion to bring him back!!!) I think I can manage reviews for a few more chapters but I don't know if I'll be able to get to all the chapters just now.Author's Response: I might actually change that part where she refers to him as severus... Hmm.
Thank you so much for your first very helpful review ;) *HUGS* Report Review
I only wish there was an 'if all else fails' potion in real life! I can't wait to see what developments will come of Severus' stubborn experimenting. And I love the double entendre about the ogling! Keep it up...Author's Response: Why, thank you AislynMalfoy ;) I enjoyed the ogling as well lol. *HUGS* Thanks for reading! Report Review
Hello there! My name on the forums is phoenixflames19, and I am here with your requested review. Sorry it took so long to fill, but I've been quite busy with RL lately.
Anyways, to your story. It totally sucked me in. Right now it's 1 o'clock in my part of the world, and I should be asleep. But I had to finish what you have written so far. It's very, very good. There are a few grammar issues I notice every now and then, but nothing that detracts from the overall flow of the story. I would suggest perhaps re-reading your work to pick up on the few little things.
On to your characters (I'm not exactly sure what your areas of concern are so I'm just going to hit everything I can think of). You captured Hermione very well. I particularly liked the part where she yelled at Sev for being a jerk. It reminded me of when she slapped Malfoy. I think you managed to re-create the feeling of her true character rather than just the superficial aspects like her intelligence and work ethic. As for Severus, he seems a tiny bit OOC. Not bad at all, but a little. I'm not sure if he should be thinking of Hermione's smile just yet-- it feels a little fast for me. Like you've stated a few times, he's a very private person, and he would be very slow to let someone into his life. I feel like your mentions of his teacherís nature are very helpful in developing his character in your specific way. And I must say, I LOVE Snarky. She is so cute. I especially liked the little anecdote about how she chose her name. She seems like the perfect link between Severus and Hermione. I love watching her reactions and listening to her opinions. Definitely keep her as a big factor in your story, please! :)
Next, plot. Eleven chapters in, your plot is developing quite well. You did a good job creating this new world. I like the idea of having Severus indebted to Hermione for saving his life. It reminds me of something Dumbledore once said about one wizard saving another's life. Anyways, the plot seems to be moving along smoothly. However, like I said earlier, I would slow up the relationship between Severus and Hermione just a tiny bit. Him thinking about her smiling just seems too fast for me right now, like I said earlier. But other than that, it seems great. I can't wait to see where the plot takes you next!
One thing that interests me in your story is how this might affect the epilogue. Just an idea, something maybe for you to think about at the end of this story.
Thanks so much for requesting this, and PLEASE re-request when you get your next chapter up! Even if you donít request, I might search your story and review anyways :) good luck with the plot bunnies! 9/10 for grammar and plot minutiae.
wbm/pfAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I know the smile aspect seems a little... off to most people. But DH was the only book where we got a good look at Severus and the way he thinks. He spent YEARS in love with lily... and with a mind as powerful as his, I can imagine him spending a lot of time even as friends with Lily when they were young, just contemplateing things.
And her smile... it effects him so he is thinking about it a bit lol.
I LOVE that you love Snarky as much as I do. I will very much keep her involved in the story, so no worries on that count lol.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I will definately re-request. I will also see if my beta has the time to re-do these chapters. ;) *HUGS* and Thank you! Report Review
Hello, Echo, I'm here filling your review request. I've read several chapters (the first three) but am just posting all my comments here.
First off, I should say I don't have a problem with this pairing. I know a lot of people don't care for it but I'm a huge Snape fan and anything that gives him a happier ending than what he got in the books is fine by me. Fanfiction is fanfiction after all, right?
And there are a lot of great things to like about the story thus far. I think it's obvious you've got a good command of the writing "basics." Save a few small issues at the beginning of chapter two, everything was pretty cleanly written; there is great sentence structure and variation, a mix of description and internal monologue, ect. One standout paragraph for me was in chapter one, the one that starts, "A bright white light issued from her wand..." It was simple but vivid and oddly moving. You continued to shine on this front in chapter two. I really liked the description of the bed and the potions in the bathroom, considering what having them meant for the life Snape was living.
For me, the pacing has been a bit hit-or-miss thus far. I thought the first and third chapters were a little chopped up. I'm not a big fan of too many chapter dividers. Personally I would rather see scenes transition more one to the next, especially when POV isn't changing. However, that's just personal preference. I thought chapter two was the strongest in that regard, being that it was for the most part one moment in time (though the ending bit was really short and maybe could have been skipped...?). As to the overall pacing of the story, I'm not sure I've read enough to comment knowledgeable on that. I'd say that Hermione found the antidote quickly BUT I see this is labeled a romance story and therefore assume the more mysterious elements are less important to you. Waiting ten chapters before the main characters in a romance novel meet wouldn't really make any sense.
I know some people have commented on the characterization of Hermione. I'd agree in that I'd like the story better if it melded in a bit more with canon. I think having Hermione stay a bit more in character - interacting more with Harry and Ron, attending to other post-war activates besides Snape's affairs would round the story out more. But as it's AU, it's certainly not "wrong" to change around the characters as you see fit for your plot.
Overall, I think you set a great scene. You craft your words nicely and clearly have a good plot going. A story like this won't be for everyone but I think you're doing a good job with it. Thanks for sharing!
A_wiz (RC)Author's Response: Thank you so much. Your right, its not for everyone. I do however love to hear what you and others have to say. I understand that Hermione was a bit centered on Severus, which is not normal, but you are right. Its AU and most importantly... this is the fifth thing I have every written... so I'm not as practiced as other fan-fiction writers lol.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Report Review
Though this is a rather uncommon ship, I'd like to say that you did very well writing it. The characters were believable and the flow of the story was quite smooth. Also, your grammar and spelling is quite nice. I couldn't find any blatant mistakes.Author's Response: Thank you so much ;) Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! :)
So wow! This was a great way to start off a story that I'm sure will be wonderful.
This opening chapter was so moving and gripping. You pulled me into your story from the very beginning. It's an odd portrayal, really. Or I think in my head because there was always so much tension between Snape and all Gryffindors, but really you're right. Now that he true loyalties are out in the open, there is room for forgiveness and true praise. It's just so odd to see that change. :P
You did this wonderfully. I could feel Hermione's sadness, and it made me want to mourn for Snape.
Well, I don't know what you would like me to look at specifically because you did not post an area of concern. And since this first chapter has over 50 reviews I don't know how much help you need. :P So I'm just going to give you a general overview. :)
You spaced everything out perfectly. There was a nice balance between the end of the war and all the post war dealings and to the funeral. It was all very nicely done. There was a good flow with everything. The dialogue, actions, emotions, and descriptions were all mixed in there perfectly. Emotion was bleeding through every word.
Great job. :)
Forum Name: Phoenix_Flames
House: HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. Very few people get what I'm thinking when I started this story. A lot of people jump to 'Where is Harry and Ron' or 'Why does she suddenly care so much for him?'. But that is the point of AU I think. It gives you a chance to pick up a thread and make a quilt lol.
As for what I need, anything you can give really. I know that this story has a good amount of reviews already, but every one counts for me. I'm not like a lot of writers here. I did'nt grow up writing short stories or poems etc... I found a Dramione story in Oct. 2006 that sparked a fanfiction flame. I started my first fic that dec. First thing I have writtern voluntarily. ever...
Anywho. It all helps. Thank you sooo much for your review. I hope that you will allow me to rerequest for the other chapters! *HUGS* Report Review
I just found your story and I think it's amazing! I can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm always thrilled to see what readers have to say. *HUGS* Report Review
Hi electricfeel from the forums here with your review.
You do descriptions really well, I could picture almost every square inch of Severus' living space. However, I think it is possible to go overboard on the descriptions. Much of it helped to reinforce the idea the Snape was everywhere, the rooms were very much his and I believe the way you described them would be pretty much the way Snape would have had it. I would just be wary not to go on too much as it could bore the reader.
In saying that, I liked that there was no dialogue in this. To me (and I may be alone in this) I felt that it reinforced Snape's absence. She is alone in Snape's rooms and so has no one to talk to. I felt the lack of dialogue helped to solidify the lonliness she may have felt.
I have said before, and I've seen it mentioned in other reviews, that I have my problems with this ship and the omission of certain crucial elements (such as Harry and Ron etc. Although I loved them being mentioned at the beginning). But I also see from your replies that this could be treated as an AU. In that case, I think you have a very strong story here, but I do think it caters to those who do ship Hermione/Severus and not to everyone. But that's fine and I wish you the best of luck with your story :)
Hope this review helped!Author's Response: Lol. I tend to hate a lot of description as well. I forced myself to add more details after numerous reviews from my other 4 stories stating I did'nt give enough description lol. Where is the fine line? LOL
Thank you so much for your kind words, and I understand that Sevmione is not for everyone. I do apriciate you taking to review regaurdless and very much apriciate your kind words! Thanks! *HUGS* Report Review
English is not my mother tongue but I really appreciate reading English. I have to say I'm totally astonished. The words you used to describe every space, every person, every feeling was absolutely amazing and I'm really curious to read more chapters. Well done, really *O*Author's Response: Wow. Thank you very much. Its always an honor to read such reviews. Thank you! *HUGS* Report Review
Great chapter, cant wait for more:)!Author's Response: Thank you so much! More to come soon. *HUGS* Report Review
"...He went to bed with hopes of forgetting such things."
Silly, Severus. You can't forget someone like Hermione :P
Great chapter! Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you so much ;) I'm currently in the middle of the next chapter. Thanks for reading! *HUGS* Report Review
Loved it! Please continue.Author's Response: Chapter 11 is in the Q ;) *HUGS* Report Review
I'm here with a painfully, painfully tardy review. I apologize for the long wait--twas a new 60 hour job that threw a monkey wrench in my Harry Potter passion. Hah.
I find myself tonight with a rare bit of free time, and a will to do my review list right.
So, here's my review:
No, I haven't read Severus and Hermione before, but the idea is intriguing. I'll read anything, really, and if its well written its quite a plus.
Your story is well written, beautifully articulated and was pleasant to read.
Now, I'm really not a fan of AU usually because I'm such a canon fan. The only AU I ever fell in love with was an AU that felt SO REAL that it could have been canon.
If there is CC I have about this story, it is that to me the sudden "Love" of Sev from Hermione's point of view seems to come from no where. I think even a prologue would do great justice to this story, where small little tidbits of Hermione's past are pieced together to show kind of a "forbidden affection"...but then the rules with Teacher-student stuff gets a bit tricky, now doesn't it. Perhaps it could be a very recent development? I don't know, not an easy situation, hmm?
Another angle would be perhaps an odd or curious preoccupation with the death of Severus, which you've kind of presented here--but I personally think this needs to be more developed.
That point aside, and really, its more of my opinion that it is a point (hah) I do think the writing was lovely and to the fans who are not as picky as I am when it comes to AU, this is surely a banner piece.
Thanks for requesting. Again...sorry it was so late.
KatieAuthor's Response: She actually does'nt love him at this point. She just respects him and really pitys him for how horrible his life was. Thanks for the review ;) Report Review
I love Snape/Hermione Fics, especially ones that look like they've got a plot for a change!
Looking forward to an update :DAuthor's Response: Thank you. I'm finishing up the newest chapter ;) *HUGS* Report Review
All righty, final chapter to review and I found it quite intriguing. I think that you do a pretty good job of keeping the believability of the story going; you give good reasons for why Hermione is allowed to stay on, why McGonagall allows her to stay in the castle and how she casually gathers information.
As the author, you do a good job of complying good answers for all the questions your readers could potentially throw at you for the legitimacy of the story. Also, you tend to keep it all canon which I really admire and congratulate you on.
My biggest bone to pick with this chapter is how quickly Hermione was able to find an antitdote because I know that Snape gave it quite a bit of time and he couldn't give it all the attention she could. Your time lapse compared to the chapters just seemed...off to me. Its a nitpicky but truthful observation on my part as a reader.
The TimeTurner was one of the most interesting explanations I've ever read and its beleivable. A Time Turner can be a cliche but you make it work for you here. Major props.
Overall, you have a good story and I'm just curious about the believability of Severus/Hermione but with time, I'm sure you rectify it. Feel free to request again if you would like more reviews.
LMWAuthor's Response: I will do that ;) *HUGS* Report Review
Is no trouble, Miss,. I is volunteering on account of Missís past behavior. Some of the others was a bit scared to be helping Miss Hermione Granger.-- You have a period and comma here. Just a small typo you might consider fixing when you have queue time to do so.
So this chapter is practically ALL description which is very understandable but after a while, it made my head start to spin a bit because I was getting lost in all this description. Maybe doing less description and adding in more as you went along would have been a better strategy. Or not, just ignore me. But those are just my suggestions.
I can definitely feel the tone of Hermione's intrigue and desperation better in this chapter so I think that it reveals that you grow stronger as you get more into a story which is a good thing. It is good to see the story progress along with the strength and talent of the writer.
Your chapters are fairly short but I think they are just long enough to keep the reader engaged without getting bored and not too short that you make us feel like you jipped us. Well done.
LMWAuthor's Response: Thanks for another great review ;) Report Review
Hi there. Got your request from the forums to review. Sorry for the late pop over but RL has been quite demanding the past few days. But I was curious to see what your story would be like.
I have to be completely honest. I've never seen the appeal of a Severus/Hermione and rarely see how one could occur outside of Hermione flashing back to Maraduer era so your request intrigued me and made me wary. So I was just curious to know what appealed you to it.
My second comment is that everyone seems to be in character and you seem to do a pretty good job of handling the tense of atmosphere and giving believable plot explanation for all that is going on. My only disconnect is the interest in Snape's life and the distraught that Hermione displays over him. It just doesn't seem realistic to me, but I'm sure it grows and progresses and gets explained as the story goes. But for a first chapter, I don't think you reveal enough of why Hermione is so intrested in Snape.
All that being said, I think its clever how you have Hermione take care of everything and very clearly take some of the posion/blood from his body. Its very clear that Hermione is going to try to do something with Potions to save him and bring him back. By burying him, she knows his exact location and the exact spell used to bury him. All very clever techniques to help your plot along later.
As far as techincal issues go, you didn't capitalize Teddy when Harrry is going to bury Tonks with Teddy and Andromeda. You need to fix that; also I would reccomend some sentence variation. Watch how often you use complex, simple, and compound sentences to make your writing interesting.
I'm intrigued to keep reading so well done.
LMWAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I love Sevmione's because its like championing the underdog. Severus went through H in his past, and never got his storybook ending. Hermione, in my eyes, is an even better fit for him then Lily was. Its just... romantic to me ;) *HUGS* Report Review
Hi, it is strawberrydarhling here with your review :)
I must say, I loved reading this, simply because it is very different from anything I have ever read. Sev/Mione is one of my favourite ships and I am very intrugied to see how their relationship works out since Sev is dead!
I couldn't see any grammar issues however this line jumped out at me -
Harry had walked away from Ron to escort Andromeda Tonks and Little teddy to their seats.
because it should be 'little Teddy'.
You have set up a great little fic here and I would love to read more, so please feel free to re-request :)
strawberrydarhlingAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I will be re-requesting. And thank you for the grammer catch... ;) *HUGS* Report Review
Hi electricfeel from the forums here with your review (sorry it took a little while to get to it!)
I've never read a Severus/Hermione pairing before, so this was new for me. It's a really unique time to begin the story; after Snape's death. I can imagine that the story will be full of surprises and it's all very intriguing.
Your style of writing worked well and your descriptions of post-war Hogwarts were also well done. I especially loved the opening lines of this chapter, very eye-catching.
I do have a few issues though; first, the golden trio's friendship seems to have been swept under the carpet. I actually think that in such hard times, they would become closer. I don't think they should become merely faces in the crowd. Athough they were both mentioned, Harry's was very fleetingly and Ron's was done in a more negative tone.
I have my problems with this ship because I see it as completely unrealistic. I think you have to address the reason for Hermione's sudden infatuation with Snape. I read some of your earlier review responses and saw that you believed Hermione would fight for injustices (such as the way Snape died) and whilst I agree with this, there were many more injustices in the war. Take Lupin's death for example; all of his good friends had died and he had only just settled into the comfortable life that he longed for before it was snatched from him. So why did she feel more sorrow for Snape than Lupin? I think we need more information as to why she feels such grief for Snape, especially more so than her friends who have lost their lives.
I hope that makes sense and I hope this review helped :)Author's Response: Well, in the world that JKR created, this relationship is unrealistic. But in the world of FanFiction where you can take the characters further then ever before, its makes complete sense ;)
As for the Trio going be the way-side, yes, I did that on purpose. When it comes down to it, I'm a new writer. So jumping into a story with so many characters to juggle while creating the main plot, is a bit too much for me. So that is why, after you read the first 6-7 chapters you will understand my sweeping the trio aside ;)
Thanks for the review ;) Report Review
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