Reading Reviews for Inside Death
  
34 Reviews Found

Review #26, by NeverGotHerLetter 01: Whispers in June

4th April 2011:
Hey :D
Another amazing chapter! I'm finding it hard to give you constructive criticism so I'm going to be really picky, ok? :)
So why was Daphne so emotional? Was it just the effect of seeing Dumbledore's body? Or is she a 'nice' Slytherin who liked Dumbledore and is genuinely sad about his death. Also, her emotions change quickly; first she's crying hysterically then she's angry and defiant and then sad again. I think you should check that up :)
Otherwise a great chapter! A really good perspective of an OC witnessing Dumbledore's death and a really good base for characters to know who she is, i.e. her being Draco's cousin and being close to him as you said he wasn't talking to her much lately which insinuates they were close before his task. 9/10 for this one, and still an amazing story! :D
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x

Author's Response: Hi hi! Thanks for reviewing hun!

Haha, I love nit-picky, no worries ;) Daphne is emotional because, well, she just is emotional :P She hasn't quite mastered control over her emotions, but the shock and horror of death and fear for her future played a big role in making her even more emo. However, I definitely see what you mean -she did get rather angry out of seemingly nowhere and I will see if there is some way to spruce that transition up a bit, thanks!

Yay! I'm glad you enjoyed Illyana's first perspective and got a sense of how she fit in to everything canon (if I'm not reading your review incorrectly). I'm glad you find the story to be amazing haha, thanks so much for reviewing this for me!

Best,
NRB


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Review #27, by NeverGotHerLetter Prologue: June 1980

4th April 2011:
Hi :) This review is like a month late I know, but I've been SO busy so sorry! I'm skipping a history essay for this haha :D
So this is an AMAZING start!! It's really intriguing and Julienne is very believable. Also it gives an insight in to what it was like at for some wizarding families at the time of the first war. I really like it! Spelling and grammar is fine, as is the general plot line and it's definitely unique, I've never seen anything like it before... really looking forward to reading on! 10/10 :)
Sorry again for the late review and I'll try to be more helpful to you for improving it in the next chapter :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x

Author's Response: Hey NeverGotHerLetter! Haha, don't worry about being late, to be completely honest I didn't realize how long ago I posted in your thread (I had to double-check) lol and ooof! don't miss a history essay over reviews, especially on my account, I'm sorry hun :/

Thank you! I didn't tihnk it was that fantastic, but thanks so much for your kind words and for saying it's unique. I'm going through a rut right now and I think your review has made me feel better about the story as it is thus far. Thanks so much! I'm glad you felt like this opening gave you some insight and that Julienne was believable, that's very important!

Quit apologizing haha ;) Thanks again!

Best,
Ellie


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Review #28, by electricfeel 02: My Little Ana

3rd March 2011:
Hi, electricfeel again :)

Aw, poor Illyana! This was a really great chapter; it delves further into Illyana's relationship with her mother and father as well as giving the reader little snippets about her life thus far. The mentioning of the muggle books that she hadn't touched since being sorted into Slytherin was a nice touch. In such a small sentence you give us a lot of information. She was a Slytherin, her mother obviously had no real issue with blood purity, yet, being sorted into Slytherin must have had an effect on Illyana with regards to her feelings on it all. Cleverly done.

You've also begun developing your plot nicely, it's certainly full of mystery and many open ends. This has the potential to really capture your readers imagination.

I really do believe your strength lies in description. The whole opening paragraph was done brilliantly and the last few short, sharp sentences matched the change of mood in the story well.

Overall, a really good chapter. I'm sorry I can't offer more CC but I don't think you need to change anything really!

Author's Response: Hello dear!

I know, right? Poor girl :( Living during War is never easy...can't say if it will get better of worse for the darling Illyana. I'm glad you're getting a sense of character from the detail, that's what I wanted! I hope the plot continues to keep people in, the next chapter will certainly add more depth to an already growing plot haha.

Yay! I have a strong point haha. I'll keep this in mind ;) Thanks for the review! Yours always made me happy!

Best,
nrb

Oh, and there is still much more to Julienne than what meets the eye ;)


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Review #29, by Liberator600 Prologue: June 1980

2nd March 2011:
Hi! Liberate60 from the forums here.
I like your story and how you illustrated the suffering of Jullienne. Very nice.

Author's Response: Thanks, Liberate!

Best,
nrb


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Review #30, by gingersnape 01: Whispers in June

27th February 2011:
The writing in this was amazing. It really drew me in, and I liked how you did all of the characterizations especially! The last line was.. it left me speechless! Oh goodness, well, I really like how the chapter came together. I don't think I've read a story that starts at this time before, so it was an interesting and really refreshing read for me! Oooh, I wasn't expecting Draco's cousin! :D
-ginger

Author's Response: Hello ginger!

I'm glad you liked my writing :D That makes me so happy! Along with the fact that the characterizations worked for you too, yay! Haha, I'm glad a few things were new too ;) Thanks so much for the review! I really appreciate it! & happy 10 years HPFF!

Best,
nrb


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Review #31, by _Leo_ Prologue: June 1980

25th February 2011:
Hey there!

This was so beautifully written! I loved your description, it was so easy to imagine the whole scene and connect with Julienne. And she's staying for her daughter's sake.
An interesting set-up, makes you want to read on and find out what's going to happen to mother and daughter. And you mentioned Malfoys?! Could Draco be Ana's cousin?

The only small things I noticed were these:
... she thought about all the times she had been kept her awake since her daughter's birth ... - I think the her can be omitted.
... and the wailing would be begin the second she breathed the wrong way. ...
... fall as easy prey ...

So, grasping at straws here, trying to be helpful :)

I really enjoyed reading! xxx Leo

Author's Response: Hey Leo! Thanks for stopping by, yeah 10th Anniversary :)

You have to read on to find out about these alleged Malofys haha. ;) I glad you enjoyed the piece and saw everything so clearly. And I especially liked that you pointed out my mistakes - I always make them and am such a perfectionist -so thank you so much! You were very helpful indeed, thank again :)

Best,
nrb


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Review #32, by electricfeel 01: Whispers in June

1st February 2011:
Another great chapter. The opening line was just so straight to the point that it seemed to shock me to life and set the whole tone for the rest of the story. Yet as it went on, the harsh beginnings diffused into confusion, anger and finally sorrow. It matches the realities of loss perfectly.

I really like Illyana, although at this point I feel a real strong affection for her mother, which is why the line "and the single whisper of good-bye from a lost mother to her naive daughter" is really worrying me! That whole last paragraph by the way, was written so beautifully. Oh, as was the paragraph with the Pheonix song. Just lovely.

It's a very interesting time to start your story, at the end of the school year. I really like that actually, it's different and probably one of the real turning points in the series of the books (along with Voldemort's reincarnation) so it feels like anything is possible here.

And Draco's cousin? There's something I wasn't expecting.

Anyway, there's nothing else for me to comment on. I'm so glad you requested this in the first place and I really can't wait for the next chapter, I hope you'll request again :)

Author's Response: Hello again, electricfeel! Thanks for the review :)

Eep! Thank you again for all the lovely comments. I'm glad you got a sense of the stages of loss. I can't say I was intentionally considering that, but I'm glad that's what it shaped up to be with this chapter. The opening line was certainly meant to shock and stun.

Haha, I'm glad you enjoy Illyana. She's certainly one of my fav OCs right now. Ah yes, Julienne, she's such an important character. You can bond with Illyana since you both are strongly attached to Julienne :)

I'm glad you felt that this was beautifully written, the compliment makes me so happy!

Yes, his cousin. this will be explored more...I guess I didn't make their connection as obvious as I thought I did in the Prologue. Hmm, oh well haha

Thank again for the great review, I will request again no worries :) Next chapter should be out before the end of the month!

Best,
nrb


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Review #33, by electricfeel Prologue: June 1980

1st February 2011:
Hi electricfeel from the forums here with your requested review.

Firstly, your summary really drew me in. It's the perfect example of a well written summary. I don't see how anyone could read it and not be instantly intrigued!

The chapter itself was fantastic. You really have a way with bringing your story to life. I can feel her emotions, can see the crying child, it creates an instant understanding for the mother. You also opened up all these layers that completely fascinated me; why she's locked herself up in the nursery, her own mother, the role the Dark Lord plays in her life.

"She would not stand any sort of chance of a free life with the wolves of the Dark Lord's still circling around her family, and her brother's family."

I especially liked this line, you captured the danger and again roused that curiousity!

Please, feel free to request again. Actually I implore you to because I really want to know what happens next. I've favourited this to keep an eye on it :)

Author's Response: Hello electricfeel! (Nice username, reminds me of MGMT :P)

Haha thanks about the summary, I'm glad you found it intriguing and I hope it brings people in too.

*blushes* Fantastic? Favourited? Wow. Thank you for the praise, I'm glad this Prologue piqued your interest and I hope the story continues to make you curious and then, one day, satisfy your curiosity. I'm glad you felt for Julienne and that her character (I assume) seemed believable/realistic as a young mother. The Dark Lord impacted everyone in very different ways and I can't wait to explore this more, especially with my made-up Macnair family.

Thanks for your time and this lovely review, I've already re-requested haha.

Best,
nrb


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Review #34, by maskedmuggle Prologue: June 1980

23rd January 2011:
Hello :)
A nice chapter! I thought the writing was really good, really descriptive. I am very curious about the plot and the characters. Very unusual. I'm intrigued, and would gladly read any following chapters to find out what's going to happen, so I hope you update soon!

Other than that, a very interesting chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks for reviewing this story too, like I wrote in the other response, I really enjoy seeing your reviews :) Haha unusual? Not sure what that means exactly, but I'm reading it in a good way. So, hope I'm right :P

Either way, glad you found the opening to Illyana's story to be interesting and that your curiosity will be satiated soon becauseee the second chapter of this story is actually currently chillin' in the queue so look for it within 8-10 days, yay!

Best,
nrb


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