Reading Reviews for Falling into Darkness
32 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Maelody Gellert Grindelwald

26th May 2013:
"Moss hung from the branches like soft frizzy gray-green hair waiting for the breeze to flutter it as gently as the Veil hidden deep within the Ministry of Magic." Right here is when I instantly fell in love with this story because your description is so beautiful. I was thoroughly pleased when I saw this was a continuous style as well.

Your writing is so beautiful, and so descriptive. I honestly 'heard' everything in my head. Ariana's whispers and giggles, Gelert's shouting and breaking points. I even saw everything and I was genuinely creeped out! That right there is an accomplishment because I find it very hard to get creeped by writing. I have to see it, but that's what you did. You painted this story with words and I watched it. The whole time I kept thinking "This would be AWESOME if it were podcasted!" haha. It's so amazing!

Admittedly, it was so wonderful in the beginning, and then you went on about a penguin. The very first time I read that part I thought I was walking into an April Fool's type story and I would be reading this serious fic about penguins haha, but then I realised it was more of a symbol. When they're not being fluffy and adorable as babies, those things do grow up to have quite the beadiest of eyes, don't they?

I really don't know how to go on about this review without continuously showering you with compliments. That's my bad I suppose ;). I thought the flow was wonderfully done, and I just couldn't stop reading it. I was sucked in. I was watching Gelert talk to the ghost of Ariana through the penguins eyes! ;)

I had found one typo though, but I can't even remember where I saw it or what it was. :( Though it was just the one I spotted, and it wasn't that bad at all. Though if you want to give it a bit of a read through, maybe that'd be good? (I'm trying to give out some help here, yeah? ;))

Overall, it was very lovely. The characters were beautiful visually and characteristically. I'm glad you requested, and don't hesitate to do so again! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

This was a very interesting story for me to write, a step out of my comfort zone. I tried my best to visualize what was happening and writing as I saw the story unfold. :)

I agree, penguins grow up to have beady eyes. Out of the list of items we could choose, I chose the penguin first as it is my sister's favorite animal. So I thought why not try to write a story including a penguin?

I will look for the typo and fix it. I've done a quick scan but didn't see it at first glance.

Thank you very much!

 Report Review

Review #27, by patronus_charm Gellert Grindelwald

23rd May 2013:
Hey there!

I really loved your description in this story. It was so detailed that it really created a vivid picture in my head and I really could imagine what the forest looked like. It added so much to the story and it’s a definite strength of yours so I would keep it up. This line ♥ ‘the moon’s pale, weak light shimmered in the dust forming a pale, silver mirror.’

Sometimes the wording was a little odd like here ‘One could fancy that the clearing could remember a Dark Event.’ I think it might sound better if it was like this ‘one would fancy that the clearing remembered a Dark Event’ it just made it a little less wordy and easier to understand. Then here too ‘He darted paranoid looks as he fearfully looked around the clearing.’ It might be better if it was ‘he fearfully looked around the clearing, paranoid of others watching e.t.c.’ it just makes it flow better :)

I thought it was really interesting that Gellert had decided to go to the Forbidden Forest, given that it’s at Hogwarts it suggests that he had deeper feelings for Albus than he may have thought and that made me happy as I love Albus/Gellert stories.

I really liked the idea of the ghost of Arianna coming to visit him, that was really original and I’ve never seen that done before. You really caught his emotions at that point as you can sense he wants to supress his feelings of guilt and the idea he may have injured someone but he knows deep down that he did and you really showed his inner conflict well during that encounter.

It may just be me being tired and sleep deprived so I haven’t been paying proper attention to the story but this line seemed a bit odd to me ‘And stared at the enormous stuffed penguin in surprise.’ I don’t remember there being a stuffed penguin before, so it may be a mistake, also it does seem a little strange for there to be one in the forest. Ok ignore me I see that the stuffed penguin does continue to be in there, is there any chance it could be made into something more magical to make the story more authentic or is that the thing of the challenge?

I would have perhaps liked a little more emotion at the reveal scene as you built it up really well with the way Arianna was questioning him and then it fell a little flat, so perhaps add some shouting/facial expressions to make it even more brilliant!

I really enjoyed that, it just needs a few tweaks and then it should be great!


Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I agree that those sentences need a little more work. I have changed them to flow a little better.

The enormous stuffed penguin is the Thing for the challenge.

I reread the last portion of the story and have also updated to include more tenseness.

This story was interesting to write. Which is part of the reason I chose to make it a collections of one-shots as a wizard or witch becomes dark.

I chose to have Ariana as a ghost mainly because I felt the duel and her death was his defining moment.

Thank you very much!

 Report Review

Review #28, by MadiMalfoy Gellert Grindelwald

22nd May 2013:
First of all, I'd like to say that I really like this story! JKR never really specified who actually killed Ariana so I'm glad you decided to write about it and kind of pick who it would have actually been, Grindewald.

The dynamic between Gellert and Ariana is already fairly well developed in this chapter, which is a great thing. I think if you were to specify how old Ariana really was when she died, then you could reflect that in her character--her dialogue and actions as a ghost (if that's what she is).

Overall, this was a very well-written chapter! Great job so far! :) xx

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I did envision Ariana as a ghost and the penguin as the physical representation of Gellert's guilt.

Ariana was 14 when she died but she never emotionally grew up after the attack. I will review the chapter and see how to incorporate more of her child-like view and actions.

Thank you very much!

 Report Review

Review #29, by HeyMrsPotter Gellert Grindelwald

20th May 2013:
Hello, here with your requested review :)
I read this through and didn't realise it was for a challenge so when I got to the penguin, I was like "what?!"so I'm now rewriting my original review haha.
I really love the description of the forest, you paint a very haunting picture and I particularly liked the reference to the veil in the ministry.
There's one sentence in the sixth paragraph that doesn't quite sit right " His eyes widen in fear, freezing him in place, when he sees the shadow." as the rest of your story is written in past tense I think it would be better as "His eyes widened in fear, freezing him in place, when he saw the shadow." Other than that the story flows really well.
The penguin actually really creeped me out haha. At first when it appeared I laughed but then when it started calling his name and accusing him of killing it I was genuinely freaked haha. I think that's a good reflection on your writing though, rather than my insanity, you create a really tense atmosphere with your descriptions.
I thought the part where Gellert describes the fight from his point of view was really good, especially the way it kept flicking between that and his confrontation with the penguin (there's a sentence I never thought I'd write!) It really represented Gellert's thoughts, scattered and confused.
I really liked the ending too, about him finally finding remorse and the penguin disappearing.
Brilliant story and best use of a giant stuffed panda I've ever read haha. Job well done :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Out of the different selections, I chose the penguin first, mainly because it's my sister's favorite animal. So I thought why not try to write a story involving a penguin?

Thank you for pointing out the change needed. I've made the correction. I write my timelines in present tense and the stories in past tense. :)

I did want to make the penguin stand out, not only because of the challenge but also because I saw it as a manifestation of his guilt. He wasn't able to run away from his guilt. And when he finally admitted to his guilt, it didn't just disappear.

Thank you very much!

 Report Review

Review #30, by Erised Gellert Grindelwald

19th May 2013:
Hi there!

This is a great entry! I really loved how you set the scene so well at the beginning and you really set the mood too; it felt tense and I was wondering what was going to happen next. Then the enormous stuffed penguin turned up and I burst out laughing! Nice way of getting the object requirement in, haha.

As it's from Grindelwald's point of view I like how that provided some extra character and background to what happened that night with Ariana and I love your interpretation of his feelings - the fact that he only felt remorseful in the last moments of his life rather than in the clearing made it all the more powerful. His transformation from scared to truly dark again was great too.

Although it was pretty funny having the penguin there as some kind of embodiment of Ariana, I thought you did a really good job of her too. I thought there could have been some more character development for her by perhaps going into her thoughts and feelings about the night more but on the whole she set a great moral standard here.

This is a great entry and I wish you luck! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Of all the selections, I chose the enormous stuffed penguin first.

From reading HBP, you saw how Professor Dumbledore had been affected by his sister's death when he was forced to drink the Drink of Despair. It was then reiterated in DH when you saw how Aberforth had been affected. But there was no mention about how Grindelwald had been affected except for that he ran away that very day only to emerge as a Dark Wizard years later. I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt that he finally felt remorse when he refused to tell Voldemort where the Elder wand was since he had spent about half his life in prison.

That is a good point. I will have to think how to include memories of Ariana and her innocence into the storyline.

Thank you very much!

 Report Review

Review #31, by Lululuna Gellert Grindelwald

19th May 2013:
Hello, here for your requested review! :)

I quite liked this! The descriptions were very strong, and I particularly liked the one of the clearing at the beginning. It started the story off with a very eerie feel, which was of course completely flipped at the first mention of an "enormous stuffed penguin."

Honestly, I kept laughing every time the penguin was mentioned. It was just so ridiculous, but worked in giving the story a sense of strangeness and keeping the reader on their toes. Otherwise, this is a very tragic story, but the mention of the penguin kept reminding me to look at it in different ways.

To be fair, if I were Gellert and was haunted by an enormous stuffed penguin I'd be quite upset. I wonder what Voldy was haunted by... an enormous stuffed armadillo, perhaps?

I think the descriptions were good, but that you could have used a little bit more. Maybe some more context and memories of Grindelwald's time with the Dumbledores, like his interactions with Ariana before the duel? It would help situate the story and add a little more substance to it, so that could be something to think about. :)

Overall I think the story flows pretty well and bears an important message, despite the obvious humour present. Great job with this! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I had to think a little bit on how to include the penguin and finally settled on its role as the manifestation of his guilt.

I'm certain that at first, Gellert was more than a little annoyed with the penguin, but after being chased around all day and not being able to escape the penguin, he was becoming more alarmed and scared.

I never thought what Voldy could have been haunted by. Giant armadillo or perhaps a opossum?

I've added notes into the story to add memories of Ariana and her innocence (since it seems that even though she was 14 at the time she died, she hadn't been allowed to emotionally grow up).

Thank you very much!

 Report Review

Review #32, by 365daysdone Gellert Grindelwald

10th May 2013:
I adore your style of writing. It's so clear and descriptive. It's so sad and creepy but smooth at the same time. if that makes any sense. I wish I had more to offer than praise, but I don't. I really wanted to leave a review though after thoroughly enjoying this chapter.

- Kate/365daysdone
(from TDA. I swear one of these days I'll actually log on to my HPFF account)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

This was the first time I have tried writing a horror/dark/angst story. I found it very interesting to write this story and am very glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you again!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>