Reading Reviews for Writing a Fairytale
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Pheonix Potioneer First Day of School

28th April 2013:
This is exciting! Hogwarts from a long time ago. That is certainly different from when Harry came to school!

Looks like this is from before they even had the school train. Quite exciting!

Ugh, I would hate to live back then. I really dislike fancy things, especially dresses and uncomfortable shoes and strict manners. I hope Merissa learns to loosen up.

You did a very good job with this!

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

Yes, this story takes place when carriages were the typical mode of travel. It is taking place towards the late Victorian era.

It will make an interesting challenge for Merissa to balance living life the way she wants and the way she is required to live life.


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Review #27, by AlexFan She is Special

28th April 2013:
Hello there!

Okay, this is a great start to a story, it really is, your grammar was great and so was your punctuation. What I would suggest is adding some more description to this and slowing things down. The scene with the teacher went by really fast and, in my personal opinion, I thought that you could've slowed it down a little bit and added in some more description.

Also, you might want to mention what time period this is because from what I've gathered based on the dialogue is that this isn't modern day Hogwarts.

Besides that I actually really enjoyed reading this. I loved how the teacher wasn't backing down from Merissa's father and was standing up to him.

Good job on the first chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

I do have an update being validated at this particular moment, but I will go back and revise the chapter to include a little more description. I will also take another look at the scene with the teacher to see how I can improve.

The time period is towards the late Victorian era.

Having the teacher standing up to Merissa's father was pretty fun to write.


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Review #28, by Flavia She is Special

24th April 2013:
Gryffie review tag is going down! :)

This is such an interesting idea for a story, I've never read anything quite like it so I'm excited to see where it goes :) The era is unique, but with a school as old as Hogwarts there must be thousands of stories like this to be told.

I this it's incredibly ambitious to write in the style of the era (if that makes sense) and you do it very well. It's clear you've taken great care with the choice of words and it gives the story the feel of a Bronte or Austen novel, yet with a slightly more modern flow to it, which makes it more accessible and readable for a modern audience.

You did a great job of setting the story giving us an understanding of who Merissa is and what her family situation is like. She seems understandably anxious about Hogwarts, but at the same time there were a few comments that indicated she's also excited about the prospect of a boarding school, and one that teaches magic too :) The fact that she was spying on her parents shows a real independent spirit so I'm excited to see how that develops (there's so much potential for a character like that at Hogwarts!). And the control she seems to have over her sisters shows leadership qualities which might serve her well too.

As far as improvements go, I only had two things. Firstly, the formatting is a little off-putting with such large spaces between the lines, so you might want to look at fixing that. The other things was, that whilst this chapter had enough to interest me in the next one, it was lacking a lot of description, both of the surroundings (except for the fact that it has at least 2 parlours and a nursery we know nothing about the house) and the characters, in particular Merissa. It would be nice to know a bit more about the heroine of the story, appearance, character, what some of these odd occurrences she and her sister caused were, etc.

Language, spelling and grammar was spot on, I can't fault you there. And the story flows very nicely. Overall, I really enjoyed the chapter and I'm definitely going to be reading on! Well done :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

The formatting should be fixed. I ran afoul of Murphy's Law while submitting the first time.

I will be working on a second revision for the chapter to include more descriptions and character appearance as well as thinking up some magical antics.


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Review #29, by Twinkleflower She is Special

9th April 2013:
Hey there, I think you have a small formatting issue with the spacing between paragraphs, but it does not detract from the story.

I thought this first chapter was a very nice start to your story. I like how you set the scene, letting the reader know that it is a different time period without actually stating the date, I thought this was cleverly done. Overall, your story flows very well and you have a nice writing style.

My only little niggle with this is there seems to be a fair bit of dialogue, although I find the amount can vary from chapter to chapter, and the conversation with 'the lady' and her parents is vital to the plot. I wouldn't change it in this chapter, but it is just something to think about when writing the next chapter. I hope you don't think I'm too critical because I really do like your fic :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much!

Yes, I've noticed that the word editor has it in for me. I have lost count of the times I've had to re-copy my chapter into the box because it added extra lines between. :)

I've already submitted my next chapter, but I will see about adding more descriptions in the story.

I'm trying something different with this story. The story will be told through letters to her family and Widow Bellum. When she writes to her family, it will be in the style of a fairy tale. This is a change from the typical story format that I use.


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