Reading Reviews for Rule Breaker
  
553 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Beeezie Ill at Ease

9th July 2014:
Wow.

Well, quite a lot happened in this chapter, and now I'm caught between wanting to talk about it in my review and rush on to the next chapter because omg is Draco okay? I haven't done the CIs for this! I've just scanned through them, so I don't remember them properly! I'm going in blind!

I should probably talk about it.

Okay. So, first off, I loved the interactions between Hermione, Draco, and Theo. I think one thing that you've done very well (and one thing that helps minimize the cliches that often abound in Dramiones) is that you've really encouraged readers to root for Draco and Hermione to get together by showing an alternative that clearly isn't very good.

And it's not an alternative in the way that Ron is often used - i.e., completely OOC. Theo is an alternative who isn't really a bad person, but who isn't really right for her, either. The difference between his position, which is pretty privileged overall, and hers, which is pretty frightening and tenuous, is so enormous that I think that he just doesn't understand where she's coming from, which isn't good.

But aside from that, he's become increasingly territorial in some ways that set off a lot of red flags and make me want to go back many chapters to where Hermione chose the "safe" option and ask her what on earth she's thinking. Because this? This is not a safe option.

I mean, come on, Theo. A secret Hermione and her friends are keeping =/= you keeping whether or not you've joined an organization intent on killing your girlfriend, and if you truly don't see the distinction, there is something wrong with you.

And, as a counter to that, you have Draco's behavior. He's clearly not jumping around with joy that Hermione has gotten seriously injured. In fact, he's clearly quite concerned. However, he doesn't let his feelings become more important than her agency, and that's huge.

A couple cc points:

I wasn't sure about Madam Pomfrey telling Theo off. It seemed a little out of character, though I suppose that since the books are from Harry's point of view and nothing like this ever comes up for him, it's entirely plausible that she would say that, especially considering the undertone of a boy ordering his girlfriend around - which was super sketchy. It might have been nice to see some acknowledgment from Hermione that it was unusual, though, even if it was just internal.

I also wasn't sure I loved them going to Gryffindor Tower first. If Hermione was seriously injured, and it certainly seemed like she was, I can't imagine them going anywhere but the Hospital Wing. I do understand why you did it - then Theo could be there - but I feel like it might have worked better if he and Draco had been talking outside the Common Room or if Hermione and Theo had just had the entire conversation after the Hospital Wing. I mean, I doubt that she was going to be able to get rid of the bloody clothing in a hurry, and if Madam Pomfrey had given her any potions to take, that would have made her visit to the Hospital Wing pretty clear.

Just a thought.

Overall, though, this was brilliant, and I am eagerly reading on!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm taking forever to answer all these reviews because I just keep rereading them and smiling to myself! :) Thank you so much.

I loved what you said about the contrast between Draco and Theo, and the fact that Draco wants to respect Hermione's agency. That's so accurate! He knows she's intelligent and independent, and he doesn't feel the need to impose upon that. Theo, on the other hand, has a hard time with it, and would prefer her to be more reliant on him.

I'll take your CC into consideration, as always! I'm organizing it all in a Word document so that I can have it in one place while I revise before I post chapter 49 and the epilogue. I'm so freaked out that this is almost over!

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #27, by Beeezie The Heist

9th July 2014:
Huh.

There are a couple really important things that happened here.

I like how you handled the treasure. One thing that always stuck out to me in DH was that they weren't really injured by any of the treasure in the vault, even though it was apparently white-hot. I thought it worked really well this way. I mean, it sucks that Hermione was so seriously injured, but it made sense, you know?

I was also struck by Bill's reaction to the entire thing, because it was so drastically divergent from the Bill we knew in DH. And on one hand, I do think that he probably should have trusted them a bit more when they said that it was important, but on the other, I get that without the backdrop of DH - which was utterly hopeless - Bill's approach is not necessarily going to be the same.

It was interesting, and I'll have to think more about it.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thanks for pointing that first comment out! I wanted to have something really brutal result from this huge risk that they took. The fact of the matter is, they take a lot of risks in this story and do a lot of dangerous things. I don't feel like it would be realistic if no one ever got injured or died, etc.

I'm glad you observed Bill's reaction too. I wanted his concern for them to manifest as anger. He is really mad AT them, but he definitely isn't happy that they put themselves in danger.

Thanks for another lovely review!

--Emily


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Review #28, by Beeezie Harry, Ron, and Horcruxes

9th July 2014:
Oh dear.

Hermione, when you aren't mentioning Death Eaters too often because you don't want to give your boyfriend ideas, this is not a good situation for you to be in! At all! Especially when he tries to weasel out of helping to save people's lives because he doesn't want to deal with "more trouble."

I mean, dude, your girlfriend is dealing with a lot of trouble, lots of people want to murder her and everyone like her and also pretty much all of her friends. And Draco has Death Eaters at Hogwarts specifically because Voldemort now really wants him dead (as opposed to the only sort of in HBP to punish Lucius).

You think you have problems??

Sorry - I feel very strongly about this, apparently. I'm glad she called him out on it, too, and pointed out that it was ludicrous to think that his father wasn't already suspected. I mean, really? I can understand new recruits trying to keep a low profile, but his father was around from the First Wizarding War. Everyone knows.

Anyway.

I like the way you wound in the Horcruxes again, and I'm glad that Harry and Ron are taking center stage for a bit - I know it's harder to write them, but I've missed them and I think it's important that they remain a part of the story as well.

Great chapter. Onto the next one!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello! I see that the proper review for this chapter found its way to me. :) I waited to respond to your others so that I could answer this one.

I agree that Hermione's situation just gets worse and worse. She's trying so hard to save everyone (ironic when she once told Harry he has a "saving people thing"), but it's tough when the people you want to save constantly endanger themselves.

Thanks for all your comments and compliments! Off to answer the other reviews!

--Emily


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Review #29, by Beeezie No Turning Back

9th July 2014:
"A week from today, we'll either have succeeded, or we'll be dead."

I love that line so much.

You've continued to do a great job of balancing the storyline as we know it from DH and your AU take on their seventh year. I can understand why you didn't want to completely change where the Horcruxes were and what they are - this isn't really a seeking-Horcrux-adventure-story, it's a story about Hermione and her relationships with the people around her. More importantly, the identity of most of the Horcruxes was established in HBP - it wouldn't make sense to start changing it up now.

But you've done a great job at adapting those parts of DH that you haven't radically changed to the story that you're writing. It's a very different world with the Ministry still standing and Voldemort not all-powerful; it makes sense that the break-in would work differently, and that they'd avoid some of the pitfalls that they bumped into in DH.

I'm super psyched to see what happens next.

Also - wow, Theo. No apology? Really?

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I love when people point out lines that they like! :D I'm really happy that you did. :) Thanks again for saying that you liked the meshing of "Deathly Hallows" and "Rule Breaker." Again, that was so important to me. And you have it exactly right -- this is about Hermione, not the Horcruxes, but they DO still exist, and I did want to have them factor in. Yes, Theo is being a snot. Again. You'll see how that works out. :)

--Emily


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Review #30, by Beeezie Plotting the Impossible

9th July 2014:
Oh, good - she did leave the grounds. But still, as I'd mentioned, should she have bumped into some security measure? And why isn't the Burrow under some kind of spell that makes it hard to find? (Or is it?)

Anyway. Minor, but given that there's a war going on, it did stick out to me as being a bit odd.

That aside: I really, really liked the way you orchestrated this break in. Since I know it happens (from the CI I made :P), I was really wondering how you'd do it without making it seem repetitive after DH - you know, something with your own spin.

But I think that you accomplished that, and more. The very different circumstances of Rule Breaker in comparison to DH - the Ministry hasn't fallen, Hogwarts hasn't been taken over - makes the story about the search for the Horcruxes very different, but I think that you did a great job of addressing that and keeping it plausible in the context of your storyline.

Great job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello!

Yep, I'll clarify that journey to the edge of the grounds. I'm glad that you think I've deviated enough to be original. I was really worried about that. I want this to exist in its own world, not revolve completely around "Deathly Hallows," but I also want it to follow canon closely enough to be recognizable. I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #31, by Beeezie Correspondence

9th July 2014:
I love the entire conversation that Hermione and Draco have, but I particularly love the part right after Hermione goes to the owlery where he worries about her making herself a target and she points out that she's already a target. It's just such an extreme departure from her conversations (or, often, lack thereof) with Theo about the topic that it really stood out to me. Draco would love to protect her, he really would, but he understands that there are bigger things going on and that she's chosen a side.

Yeah. I really, really liked this.

Quick note - the note Hermione sends to Harry (and I think other notes that they've exchanged, though this is the first I've really processed it) is just written in plain English, not in any sort of code. I know that she didn't get all that detailed, but still, given the nature of what they're talking about, wouldn't it make more sense to write it in a code in case it's intercepted?

Just a thought.

I was also a little confused about the mention of apparation - maybe she leaves the school grounds to do it in the next chapter, but as with the night Draco came back, it stood out to me. Even if she does leave the grounds, how does she get back in? (And how did Draco?) I can't imagine that it's as simple as walking in, otherwise they'd have Death Eaters swarming the place.

Overall, though, amazing chapter!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm really happy that you liked the conversation between Hermione and Draco! This was an important moment for them, and it was really important for me that he lets her go. He knows that she can do this, and as much as he wants to try to protect her, he knows that that isn't necessary. He knows that she can take care of herself.

I'll definitely think about adding a code in! Good point there! And I'll clarify the apparation thing (see the beginning of the next chapter too, though!).

Thank you so much, yet again!
--Emily


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Review #32, by Beeezie Frustration and Forgiveness

9th July 2014:
I love the comparison Hermione draws between herself right now and Harry throughout their time at Hogwarts. Because, yeah - he did tend to get ignored, especially by her, and he often turned out to be right.

And I also liked how alone she was feeling, and how when her thoughts turned to Draco, it wasn't a romantic/sexual thing. I don't think it was really a platonic thing, either, because their relationship isn't really platonic, quite, but above all, it was a friendship/companionship type of thing - and that's really important, IMO, and what separates this from a lot of the more cliched fics out there.

I mean, this isn't primarily a physical thing, and it's not a sudden turnaround in how they feel about each other. This is something that's been building as circumstances helped push them toward each other and they did the rest.

I still think that Draco had the right to be angry and frustrated, but I'm also glad that he was the one to apologize first, because I do think that a fair bit of his anger was absolutely based around entitlement, and that's not good.

Eeee I can't wait to read on!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so happy that you pointed out Hermione's thoughts about Draco not being romantic/sexual. I really wanted to emphasize their friendship. It's not precisely platonic, but it IS founded in understanding and a personal connection. I'm glad you don't think this is cliche! I brand it as non-cliche so often and it's amazing to hear that you agree!

Thank you so much!
--Emily

--Emily


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Review #33, by Beeezie Ripples in the Pool

9th July 2014:
Yeah, well, Theo, serves you right. And no, you cannot bribe your girlfriend into forgetting that you want to join a group that exists to kill Muggleborns, blood traitors, and lots of half-bloods by taking her to France. That is literally the most obnoxious and entitled attitude in the entire story thus far. There is a war going on. Hermione's friend is being targeted for murder by the organization that you want to join.

That's not something you can just forget about because hey, Eiffel Tower!

Ugh. Also, has he not considered that she'll be targeted before long, too? It's the same logic that led to Tonks being targeted in DH, even though I know that that doesn't happen in this story - they prune the family trees and prevent "dirty" blood from polluting their families. What, exactly, does he think they'll see her as?

I'm glad that Harry, Ron, and Ginny sort of understand where she's coming from.

I keep meaning to go to sleep but I can't tear myself away!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi there! (sorry it's taking so long for me to answer these; I promise I'll keep doing them and finish ASAP)

So, I COMPLETELY agree with you about Theo. He's trying to gloss over their fight, and that's not okay. I like that Hermione didn't let him do it. Your line about the Eiffel Tower made me laugh! I completely agree! :) Thanks for this review!

--Emily


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Review #34, by Beeezie Consideration

9th July 2014:
Oh, dear.

Hermione, sweetie, no. No.

But I think that this chapter was really important in a lot of ways.

First: yes, Theo's Slytherin friends have become Hermione's friends too... but this chapter made their loyalties crystal clear. They may like Hermione, but they're on Theo's side, and they're going to defend Theo and try to get Hermione to come around to his way of thinking, rather than the other way around.

Anyone with Hermione's best interests ay heart would never try to convince her to be okay with her boyfriend becoming a Death Eater - but they don't have Hermione's best interests at heart, and as people who are 1) Slytherin and 2) presumably not Muggleborn, they're speaking from a really privileged frame of mind. Sure, they lost Terry - but they're not being targeted for genocide.

Second: I can completely understand why Hermione is so distressed, and I'm glad that she expressed it. I've been worried about the fact that she's really been avoiding doing so and taking a stand, and I'm glad she did.

I'm less glad that she let Mandy make her feel like she was being unreasonable and the bad guy, but while it seems a little out of place for the Hermione we know, I also think that that sort of thing is unfortunately quite common for teenagers, especially teenagers navigating their first relationships. They're quite susceptible to manipulation, and that includes Hermione. I don't think it was necessarily intentional on Mandy's part, but it happened nonetheless, and it's a huge problem and a huge red flag.

I am not a fan of Theo right now. At all. I get why he's thinking this way, but he's sacrificing others for his own selfish needs. It's not like being a Death Eater involves puppies and kittens and rainbows - he will have to torture, intimidate, and murder innocent people, including the people Hermione loves - and people exactly like her.

That's not okay, and it's never going to be okay.

And, I mean - cut Theo some slack? Hermione erased her parents memories and sent them to Australia. How about you cut Hermione some slack? Ugh.

Run, Hermione. This dude is not safe.

I am curious about what Garrett thinks about what Theo is saying, though. He might have been keeping his tone nonjudgmental, but I don't see how he can avoid it in his thoughts.

Argh stuff just got real.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello my dear!

Okay! So, I'm really glad you picked up on the sad fact that Theo's friends really are THEO's friends. Yes, they like Hermione, but their loyalties and histories lie with Theo. Sadly, they don't understand the HUGE implications of those loyalties. They don't realize they're agreeing with the terrible things the Death Eaters do by standing by Theo. Hermione is quite susceptible to manipulation because she's trying so hard to be friends with the Slytherins. But that doesn't mean she isn't headstrong as often as she can be.

It's fine that you don't like Theo right now. :) You aren't really supposed to. I'm glad you can understand that there are a lot of problematic elements in his relationship with Hermione, and your annoyance actually makes me smile. :)

Thanks for another great review!

--Emily


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Review #35, by Beeezie Quidditch Accidents

9th July 2014:
Yikes. Quidditch accidents seem to happen a lot around Hogwarts. I'm not saying that the game shouldn't be allowed, because I'm a huge football fan and I'd hate to see that outlawed, but honestly. Shouldn't someone have at least slowed Ron down before he hit the ground?

I find it a little funny that right after I left a review saying that I thought you should include more of Harry, Ron, and Ginny, you started including a lot more of Harry, Ron, and Ginny. It definitely adds to the story - though now, of course, I'm wondering where Theo is in all of this and reading into his not being there for Hermione when she clearly could use his support. I just can't be pleased! :P

Minor thing - in the first paragraph, you say that Hermione goes back to her room, and then that Theo finds her on the couch in their common room. That confused me a bit - "her room" implies her bedroom to me. Just a note - like I said, super minor.

Awesome chapter!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I'll definitely work on balancing character appearances! And I agree that Quidditch might be unnecessarily dangerous for children to play. I would be concerned if I was a parent. Eeesh. Thanks for your comments and critique!

--Emily


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Review #36, by Beeezie Incensed

9th July 2014:
I am in love with the ending of this chapter, too!

I actually really love how angry Draco got in this. Because anger is a part of his personality, and while I think the events of HBP and this story have definitely helped put things into perspective for him so that he doesn't get angry at the same things, I'm glad to see that you still have him get angry when there's good cause.

And you know what? There is good cause. He has every right to be angry at McGonagall, even though I think there are probably issues and forces at play that she's not telling them about.

And I think he has a right to be mad at Hermione. I suspect that part of his anger is just based in his entitledness - I don't believe for a second that he's shed all of that, and I think that he's been raised to thing that he should get whatever he wants, and right now that's a relationship with Hermione. However, I do think that part of his anger is that she is taking the easy way out, and she knows it. She explicitly - albeit only in her thoughts - chose Theo because she saw him as the "safe" option.

Not the option she cared about most, or had the most chemistry with, or wanted to be with most. Just safer.

And while that's her right, I think he's allowed to be angry about it, especially since Theo's pretty tight with the Death Eaters at this point. He's clearly aware of it when he references Theo's father, and Hermione is so aware of it she won't talk to her boyfriend about the war out of fear that he'll join the Death Eaters.

That's not good. And here Draco is, choosing the harder road and in danger of being killed for it, and Hermione's... choosing the future Death Eater.

Yeah. I'd be angry, too.

Awesome, awesome chapter.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm so glad you liked this chapter! You're correct: Draco has every right to be angry and he IS. He's gone through so much and people keep blowing him off. He has every right to be sick of the way people are treating him. But you're also correct in saying he feels entitled. I think it's more that he feels entitled to having someone (especially the person he considers his best friend) be straight with him. He's sick of people lying and dodging around things, and it's very frustrating that she isn't telling him the truth and he knows it. I think if he truly believed she had no feelings for him, he wouldn't mind her choice as much. It's that he knows that she's lying. And I'm glad you liked the ending! That very scene was in my head for so long. I couldn't wait to write it. Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #37, by Beeezie The Valentine's Day Ball

9th July 2014:
I love your characterization of Ginny here. I think she often gets painted as this very boring, flat sort of person, which never really made sense to me; sure, we don't see so so much of her in the books, but what we do see does indicate that she's a pretty tough person who isn't very prone to tears. I can easily see Ginny losing patience with the people around her being frivolous when she's stuck worrying about her family.

And I think Hermione is in sort of the same boat... except it's her responsibility to look after not only herself, but the well-being and mental health of her fellow students. And I can see how a ball could help cheer them up and take their minds off of what's happened... and while the sixth and seventh years might be more alert because they'll be heading out into the world sooner, it's a bit much to expect that kind of fortitude of pre-teens.

Hermione and Theo are still very cute together in general, but the Death Eater stuff is also still giving me serious pause. The war is happening. In six months, they won't even have the partial safety of Hogwarts, which is looking pretty bleak these days as it is. She can't keep hiding from this forever, and someone who can't support her through the war isn't someone who can support her, period.

(Sorry - I'm not sure I'm supposed to be quite this annoyed at Theo, but seriously. He's kind of reminding me of a teenaged Snape at this point, and that's not a good thing.)

Anyway. The conversation she overheard at the end - wow. (Also, who talks about something like that in a public place? They're really not very smart, are they?)

It's 3am for me and I should be going to sleep, but I just can't stop!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I'm REALLY happy you like Ginny. It depresses me that movie-Ginny is a limp mushroom. In the books, she's much more compelling. You're right about her being impatient about other people's frivolity. And Hermione feels the same, but you hit the nail on the head: she's responsible for trying to keep everyone's spirits up. I'm ridiculously happy that you're seeing the flaws in Theo's character. You've said it before, but I'll repeat it: he's not a bad person, but he's also not good for Hermione in many aspects. And that shows when they get down to it and try to discuss the difficult things. Also, yes, talking about your super-secret mission is a crowded room--not the most intelligent. Way to go, guys. XD

Thanks for another amazing review!
--Emily


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Review #38, by Beeezie The Fire

9th July 2014:
I find Theo's absence here to be even more interesting. I mean, I get that Hermione was with Draco when it happened, but why wasn't Theo one of the first people on the sight? I can't imagine that he missed a huge part of the castle being on fire, but why didn't he seek her out to support her? Why was it Draco leading her to McGonagall and then to her friends?

So many questions!

I do know who the Death Eaters are, I think, from one of your recent requests... which has already been mentioned in the story, so it's just confirmed what's already been said about two characters I have no real attachment to. If there's a shock betrayal, I must not know about it yet - yay!

Amazing job, yet again. I can't wait to read more.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi again!

I've gone and accidentally let a character disappear again. I'll fix it and add an explanation. Thanks for pointing that out! You do already know the Death Eaters, but there are some really dramatic moments that I don't think you know yet that just might change a lot of the way you think about people. We'll see. :) Thanks again for reviewing! I can't wait until you get to the chapters you know nothing about! ;)

--Emily


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Review #39, by Beeezie Ravenclaw versus Slytherin

9th July 2014:
Well then. You really didn't waste any time in getting into more drama, did you? A fire? I hope everyone is okay, though I wouldn't be at all surprised if they're not.

I noticed that while Theo was there for the discussion of the Valentine's Day ball, he didn't get so much as a mention during the Quidditch game, even though he probably should have theoretically been rooting for his house. I also found Hermione's insistence on congratulating Draco and celebrating with him in the Room of Requirement to be really interesting - I mean, I know that at this point she's kind of his only friend, and that she's still getting over being happy that he's still alive and relatively okay, but... even with all of that, they are not acting particularly platonic, whatever she said about Theo and choosing him.

I am interested to see if Draco suffers any psychological consequences of his experience. I mean, he was kidnapped and tortured, and his mother might be dying/dead. I'm hoping to see some reaction to that soon.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi again!

This story goes through lots of dramatic moments. This one was interesting to write, so I'm glad it kept you reading. I definitely need to remember not to let characters disappear...oops. Again. And I agree that Hermione and Draco aren't the best at being platonic. That's their entire problem. Which, of course, will be dealt with later. ;) As for psychological consequences, I completely agree that that needs to be dealt with. It shall be worked in. :)

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #40, by Beeezie Healing and Heartbreak

9th July 2014:
Oh, dear. Poor Draco. That really, really sucks. I am glad that Hermione didn't dissemble and try to soften the blow, though - it wouldn't have done him any favors.

I love what you've done with the Malfoys here. HBP and DH definitely showed that while they're certainly prejudiced and while Lucius has almost certainly killed more than his fair share of people in his service to Voldemort, they - particularly Narcissa, but Lucius as well - put their family far, far above any ideology. I can absolutely see Lucius turning his back on Voldemort if he was worried for Narcissa's health, and I love that humanizing view of them. They're still horrible people in so many respects, but their devotion to family is definitely at least a little bit redemptive.

I am wondering how Draco got back to Hogwarts in the first place, though - isn't it impossible to apparate directly into the castle or the grounds? How could he have hauled himself up to the castle from outside the grounds in his condition? Maybe you explain this later - it just occurred to me.

Reading on now!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I'm really glad you accept the explanation of Lucius and Narcissa's desertion. It was really important to me that they choose to turn their backs on Voldemort. They're not great people, definitely not, but I do think they love each other, and I wanted that to be a bit of a foundation for Draco to look to in his own life. I actually never thought about how he got to the school...hmmm. I guess that does need to be dealt with. Oops! I'll take care of it. :)

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #41, by Beeezie Anxiety and Apprehension

9th July 2014:
Wow, even when I'm trying to write short reviews, I write long ones. I can't help it! This story is awesome, and I need to gush!

I was really happy to see Ginny make an appearance, because I think Hermione really did need a female friend to talk to just then, particularly since her boyfriend and two other best friends tolerate Draco for her sake rather than really care about him. You can always tell when that's the case, and when you're worried for someone, you certainly don't want to be around someone who's just barely resisting badmouthing them.

And she had reason to worry. What on earth happened to Draco?! Must keep reading.

A couple little thoughts on CC:

In all of Hermione's worrying about Draco, I haven't seen much (if any) mention of the kiss or her potential romantic feelings toward him. I'm not sure if that intentional or not, but I just wanted to note it, because it does seem a bit odd to me.

Also: in the conversation with Ginny, in the paragraph starting, "My whole family is fighting this war," the "she" is a little ambiguous. From the context, it's clear that it's Ginny, but I think the sentence might work better if you used Ginny's name in that dialogue tag.

Also, as I mentioned in a couple of my earlier reviews, be careful with the adverb/adjective use - but also be careful about overusing dialogue tags. I don't think you need to break the dialogue up as much as you do. For example, Ginny explained doesn't add anything to that paragraph - it just feels a bit awkward.

All minor stuff, of course. Overall, another really rewarding chapter!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Ah! Thanks again! I'm really glad you liked Ginny. She's a bit easier than Harry or Ron for me, so I'm glad she came across well. I liked writing that scene. Your critique, as always, is very valuable, and I'm glad I have it! These chapters are going to improve so much in my final revision before the epilogue! :D

--Emily


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Review #42, by Beeezie Circumstances

9th July 2014:
Oooh. This had quite a lot in it, didn't it?

Again, I liked seeing a lot of Ron and Harry. I do think that one of the areas in which you've struggled a little is including them enough - this is Hermione's story, but they're inevitably a big part of that, and at this point it seems like they're getting as much screen time as Theo's friends, who Hermione still doesn't know very well. I know it's not an easy fix, but even if you just added in mentions of her hanging out in the Gryffindor CR or studying with Harry and Ron without writing out the scene itself, I think it would lend a some authenticity to the story that I think you're missing a bit of.

Anyway. The scene in which they destroy the Horcrux is pretty eerie - if it didn't bother my boyfriend so much, I might sleep with my light on tonight! I thought you did a great job at describing it without either copying DH or deviating too significantly from it in terms of the end game - i.e., that Harry has to speak Parseltongue to get it to open before they can kill it. Using the fangs is also a great idea, since they're still at Hogwarts - I like it, because it really is the sensible solution.

I was also happy to see them showing concern about her and picking up on her not being okay. I think it's just like them to try to be reassuring - Ron might not care about Draco, but he knows that Hermione does, so he's trying. They're both falling down a bit in the execution, but that's just like them, too, isn't it?

A minor note:

In the beginning of the chapter, you say the twenty minutes earlier, Hermione had been in the Chamber of Secrets. It seemed like twenty minutes was a little bit of a stretch - that really not a lot of time to destroy the Horcrux, get out of the Chamber, get back to her room, presumably shower because I imagine that the Chamber is pretty gross, and then get in bed. It might work better just to say "earlier that evening" or something similar. I know it's minor, but it was just a thought I had.

Oof. I just reread this review and I'm a bit afraid that it comes off as hypercritical. I don't mean it to be - I really liked the chapter, and I can't wait for the next!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for this review! Your critique is so appreciated! I'm really glad you liked the Horcrux scene, and I completely agree that I suck at including Harry and Ron. They're so hard for me to write that I accidentally tend to avoid them completely. I'll work on that. :) And I'll fix the other things you've mentioned. Thank you so much for pointing them out! I really appreciate your critique.

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #43, by Beeezie Choices

9th July 2014:
I think these emotions must come to a head at a few different points, because I remember making some CIs about this a lot more recently than the one I made for this chapter! Consequently, I hadn't really been expecting Hermione to actually deal with the kiss just yet, so I was a bit taken aback when I clicked to the next chapter and said, "OH YES THAT CI. Huh."

... It's really interesting to read a story you've made a lot of CIs for. You start thinking you know what's going on and then realize that you're forgetting some things and didn't actually know others at all. Well, soon I'll get to the chapters I haven't made CIs for, and then I'll be super surprised just like everyone else! :P

I was kind of surprised Hermione made the choice she did, although I can understand why she did it. When Theo said that he wouldn't be able to avoid it forever, there were huge glaring red lights for me that said "RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION, HERMIONE." Yes, Theo, you can avoid it. Sirius did. I mean, sure, he ultimately died, but that can happen, and isn't it better than committing genocide?

Bleh.

I don't know. Again, I can see why she made the choice she did... but I am in no way convinced that Theo is safe. In fact, I think he might be a bit more dangerous than Draco right now, because there are a lot of Purebloods who won't want Muggleborns diluting the bloodline.

Oh, Hermione.

On to the next chapter! (This is addictive.)

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I am SO happy to hear that you're addicted to this story. Your praise is some of the best I've had, and it means so much coming from you after you've given this story's chapters faces. Thank you so much. :)

I agree that it was a red light moment! But Hermione is trying so hard to make the right decision...she just has no idea what that decision is. So right now, she's not the greatest at choosing things.

Thanks again! :D

--Emily


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Review #44, by Beeezie Christmas

8th July 2014:
Oh dear. Maybe I'm just a very suspicious person, but I'm not sure that the letter Draco got was really about his mother being sick - or if it was, that she's actually truly sick and it wasn't just someone trying to lure him out. (And I don't remember which CI comes next!)

This was another good chapter, and I think you've been building the "friendship" they're developing very well. There's clearly some serious physical tension between them, even if neither is quite aware of it, and because of the war and the very serious consequences Draco could face because of his actions in HBP, it won't be as simple as "Let's take a break" when these emotions come to a head (as I'm sure they will, because I'm pretty sure I made that CI recently :P).

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hahaha, oh wow. You make me laugh. Yes, things get complicated. Complications are these two people's forte. XD I'm glad you like the chapter. Don't hate me when the drama starts up again.

--Emily


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Review #45, by Beeezie Camping

8th July 2014:
Oooh. You know, I hadn't quite processed that angle - half the Slytherins hate Draco because he's a Death Eater, and the other half probably hate him because he's just not a very good one. That's definitely a recipe for disaster, and explains why people like Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle would have made a real effort to distance themselves from him.

Once again, though, I can't help but see the huge disparity between Draco and Theo. Hermione's worry for Draco is that he'll be murdered. Her worry for Theo is that he'll decide resisting his father is too much trouble and become a Death Eater.

Those are such wildly, wildly discrepant situations, and again, it doesn't make me think all too kindly toward Theo - even though, as I've said, I do like him. This just isn't a good situation.

And neither is Hermione's friendship with Draco - not if she wants to be with Theo, anyway. These are not platonic gestures.

One bit of CC: it does seem to me a little like Hermione shrugged off Harry and Ron a bit too much - I know she has other concerns, but surely she should spend some time worried about them, too? Harry's as likely to be targeted as Draco, and while she's far more able to protect Draco, it would be nice to see some indication of her worries for her other friends, too.

Overall, though, excellent job, and I can't wait to keep reading! (So I will. Right now.)

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm glad you can see the complications in Draco's life. ;) And I'm really happy you see the difference between Theo and Draco. It's not wrong of you to like him! For now, he's quite likable! And I completely agree with you on the friendship between Hermione and Draco -- she's definitely going to have some problems later if she can't sort out her feelings.

As for Hermione's concern for Harry/Ron/Ginny/etc., you have a fantastic point. I'll work that in. You're the best.

--Emily


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Review #46, by Beeezie December and Death Eaters

8th July 2014:
Oh, yes. Perfect.

I love that you have Draco slip and start to call Hermione a Mudblood, because yes - however much he's reformed, it's very, very difficult to change your mannerisms overnight (or even over the course of a few months).

I mean, it makes sense that he'd slip, and it also makes sense that Hermione would shrug it off - she tended to do it in the books, too, when she felt like there were more important things going on (though I think that "Thank you" might have been a bit more appropriate than "Don't be" at the end of the exchange). I felt similarly about the exchange with the house elves - it was well-handled, especially since he still clearly hasn't let go of all of his prejudices.

I also love that Hermione is very clearly conscious that Theo might well see Draco as a threat. This is the girl who invited Cormac McLaggen to Slughorn's party because she thought he'd annoy Ron the most - she's not a delicate wilting flower. She can be quite manipulative when she wants to. However, the fact that she doesn't think about Harry or Ron as prospective competition speaks volumes about her feelings about Draco, as does the fact that she left him alone in her common room.

And it's a good thing, too, if there are Death Eaters in Hogwarts looking to kill Draco. (!!)

One sidenote: it doesn't seem like there are many students left at the school, but that actually seemed odd to me - in some ways, I'd think that there would be a lot of students whose parents preferred them to stay where it was relatively safe, and others who just wouldn't be in a position to have them home. I might suggest you think about adding in a couple sentences of explanation somewhere.

Onto the next chapter - because seriously? OMG.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Your reviews are really starting to hurt my face. As in, I can't stop smiling and it's painful.

Thank you again for this! You're an incredibly astute reader which I don't see too often (or, at least, they don't review often), and I love your observations. I constantly worry that I've made Hermione too weak when I never, ever want her to appear that way, so I'm glad this chapter at least worked.

I had honestly never thought that parents would want their children safe at Hogwarts. That is SUCH a good point, and I'm definitely going to think of a way to work that in. Thanks!

Again, you make me smile. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

--Emily


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Review #47, by Beeezie Goodbyes and Good Faith

8th July 2014:
Oooh, you are not letting this Death Eater angle go, are you? Good for you.

I was wondering how you'd deal with this when I saw that Theo and Hermione become a couple, since I figured that you weren't the type to skate over it, and I'm glad that as I'd hoped, you're dealing with it head on.

Hermione asking what is essentially her boyfriend not to do anything with Death Eaters while he's home is hard, because she's basically saying, "Don't contribute to genocide that targets me." And Theo's response is even harder, because while I do see where he's coming from, I also think that for someone who's involved with a Muggleborn, it's just not good enough.

I also loved the juxtaposition between Theo and Draco, who Hermione meets up with right after her friends leave. Unlike Theo, Draco addresses what is really an incredibly important issue head on - he's open about his reasons, even if just to her, and it kind of makes me wonder why Theo was so happy to rush home if he's truly opposed to becoming a Death Eater. That got even more intense when Draco says he can't go home until Voldemort is defeated. That's pretty hard, too, but unlike Theo, Draco was willing to go there.

Don't get me wrong - I like Theo, and I think that he's a generally good person. However, I think that when it comes to the war, there are miles between him and Draco in terms of maturity.

Great chapter! On to the next!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Oh my gosh. You have no idea how spot-on this review is. Really. It's absolutely perfect.

When I envisioned Theo, I wanted to create a foil to Draco -- someone who had been presented with similar circumstances, but hadn't gone down the same dark path. But Draco's path, no matter how terrible it was, is what allows him to change. It's what shows him a DIFFERENT path. Theo never had that. Yes, he comes from a similar background, but he has no reason to change. I wanted that juxtaposition to be very subtle, but very important. I am PHENOMENALLY happy that you pointed it out. Who's willing to make the tough choices? Who's willing to sacrifice? And who will be selfless? Those are the questions that surround Draco and Theo in relation to Hermione for this entire story.

Thank you so much for this.

--Emily


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Review #48, by Beeezie Making Peace and Promises

8th July 2014:
Hmm.

There are a lot of things I really like about this chapter.

I like how Draco explains himself and his state of mind, and I also really like the idea of him retreating to the Room of Requirement. It reminds me of DA in DH retreating to the Room of Requirement when the Carrows were reigning terror all over the place, and it also indicates to me that Slytherin house is not all that pleased with Draco being a Death Eater. Those are both pretty powerful statements, and I really liked seeing them here.

I also really loved Draco's explanation at the end of the chapter to Theo and Hermione about his treatment of her and why he regrets it. I think that it's a mistake to whitewash Draco as though he never thought that Muggleborns were scum, because he absolutely did - he was wishing death on Hermione when they were twelve and there was a monster loose in the school!

But you didn't do that. You openly acknowledged it, and moreover, you had someone who cared about Hermione openly confront him about it. And Draco's answer is completely and totally believable, and it's what I've believed about his character since DH. He couldn't cope with the logical consequence of his beliefs, and ended up thrown into turmoil because of it.

And, as a sidenote, I loved the conflict Theo had to deal with when Draco turned the 'Death Eater' tables on him - you're not letting that go, either, which is great.

However, I would have liked to get a little internal monologue from Hermione - if not here, then in previous chapters. The leap to her being so sympathetic and trusting was a bit abrupt for me. Draco's opening up actually made a fair amount of sense to me, but I would have liked to see a little more contributing to Hermione's side of things than just her reservations when everyone is openly mistrusting Draco.

I also thought that Harry's reaction was a little intense - the tower definitely thawed some of his feelings toward Draco, so the open hostility seemed a bit out of place. From Ron, sure - but Harry? I'm not saying I think he should have embraced Draco like a brother, but I would have liked to see a little more distinction between his behavior and Ron's.

Again, though, this was an excellent chapter, and I can't wait for the next!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Wow! I just came to my reviews and found ten new ones, nine of which are from you. All I can say is thank you. Just...thank you. This was so amazing, and I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story and BELIEVING it. That was literally my only goal when I began "Rule Breaker" -- write a Dramione that people could actually see happening. The fact that you accept the events as told by Draco makes me so, so happy. I'm going to work on Hermione's end of things, and I'll touch up Harry's reaction, but your compliments have kept me smiling even through the critique (which I appreciate endlessly). Thank you so, so much.

--Emily


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Review #49, by Beeezie A Place to Hide

8th July 2014:
Oooh, nice one from Ron. Not only is he offering up a really sensible suggestion (and one I actually believe he's capable of offering up), but he's also drawing Theo's family into sharp focus. It hasn't really come up since they first got together a few chapters ago, but it's definitely thrown my thoughts into a tailspin. Now Theo's reasons for wanting Draco to be responsible make perfect sense to me - the alternative is that his father or one of his father's friends killed one of his closest friends, and that can't be fun.

I have a bit less to say about this chapter, because I feel an intense need to get on to the next one and see what's going on with Draco! I hated him throughout most of the books, but HBP and DH actually made me soften toward him, and in my headcanon, he actually reforms a lot as an adult.

Really good chapter.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Another review that made me smile! Thank you so much. I'm really glad you like how things are progressing, and I'm really happy it makes sense to you. The fact that you're excited to see what's happening next is amazing! Thank you so much!

--Emily


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Review #50, by Beeezie Pandemonium

8th July 2014:
Huh.

After all those years of Hermione semi-defending Draco and the Slytherins to Harry and Ron, it's really interesting to me to see Hermione taking on a similar roll with Theo and (to a lesser extent) his friends. The way his prejudice is coloring his views is really interesting, especially considering that Hermione has to approach this a lot differently: Theo likely knows Draco better than her, and now he's lost one of his closest friends. I liked the fact that she didn't push it - she spoke her piece, expressed sympathy, and then excused herself. I think it shows real character development that I like a lot.

I also really appreciated the way you had Hermione process the death after she'd left Theo and his friends. It's hard when you lose someone, but someone close to you has more reason to feel hurt and sad than you do. It brings up a lot of different and super confusing emotions, and I really felt like you captured that.

And, toward the end... that was perfect. I think Draco went into survival mode in DH, because there was a new regime... but here, he's not in survival mode, not in the same way, so of course it's important to him to clear his name. And, I think that he knows that Hermione is one of the only people who might be willing to believe him. I can also see how that might lead to something deeper between them, and it's a lovely bit of foundation.

Great chapter!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi again!

This review made me smile so much my face hurt. You got absolutely everything I wanted you to get from the chapter. I really wanted to emphasize how Hermione doesn't feel the same grief as her friends, and that's put a distance between them that frustrates her, but also makes her sad. I'm happy that you liked the ending! It was so important to me that Draco lose his cool in front of Hermione, show a sort of vulnerability that he wouldn't have shown in the past. I wanted his horror (because he IS horrified) at what happened to bleed into his desperation to make sure that SOMEONE knows he didn't kill anyone. I'm glad you liked the chapter. Thanks again!

--Emily


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