So far so good.. I wonder what the next chapter will hold.. I'll keep my eye out on this story..Author's Response: I'm glad your interested in what's going to happen next! I'll be sure to update soon... Report Review
please keep writing this story it has caught my interestAuthor's Response: Oh don't worry I will ; ) I'm determined to finish this fic as it is my first Report Review
Good job! I really like this chapter! The story is really moving along! Thanx 10/10Author's Response: Yeah it is. With this story I try to really stick to the plot. Report Review
Great job! I love it! A little confusing but still good! ThanxAuthor's Response: How is it confusing? Could you elaborate next time? Report Review
I really like that! Great job! ThanxAuthor's Response: The plot thickens! Dun Dun Duh : P Report Review
I really liked that! I must read on! Thanx 10/10Author's Response: Wow ten out of ten! Thank you! *curtsies* Report Review
I liked that! It moved quickly. But very good! I must read on! ThanxAuthor's Response: Glad to hear that! Report Review
so far I've read all the chapters you've posted. fabulous! I can't wait to read more! Plz tell me when chapter 7 is upAuthor's Response: I was wondering is there anything I need to improve on this fanfic? If there is anything that I need to do to improve it be sure to tell me so that I'll be more aware of it. Well anyways, thanks for your support and I'll be sure to tell you when I update the story. Report Review
This is a great plot and a fabulous story! I really enjoy reading this! I hope there's more coming!Author's Response: Hey thanks. I'm glad you like the way my story is written! And yes there is more, but I'm a little behind on updating, I admit. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
You reviewed my story so i thought i would check out a chapter of yours :)
Your writing style is very good and i like the plot so far, good ddescription too :)
Well done and keep up the good work!
xxAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot! Its great to know you like the story so far and thanks for reviewing! I really apreciate it. Report Review
I'm so curious, what's with Snape. Is he trying to help or hinder them. Hmmm, I'm intreguid (forgive me, I can't spell today)
EmAuthor's Response: Muhaha, oh the suspense! Sorry couldn't help doing that! I guess the answer shall be revealed as soon as I talk to my beta which I shall do after this... Report Review
I'm glad they've found an antidote to the hex, now they just need to find out who casted it and break into Snapes stores...
They are a lot OoC, but to be honest, it isn't a problem to the story. With Dramione most readers expect the characters to be OoC, and at least in this story they have a reason. And you have no cliches, which is wonderful.
One thing I did observe was that Hermione doesn't appear to be missing her friends. For example, in the scene where shes lying on the sofa, she could think about the kiss, and I don't know, wish to have Ginny or Harry to talk to or Ron to distract her. Or maybe her thoughts about how it would affect her relationship with Ron and Harry or something..
I think that sort of thing would help to lengthen the chapters a little bit
Author's Response: Definately agree with you! They are coming later into the story actually, according to my planning. So it would be good to include Ron, Harry, and Ginny a little more in her thoughts as a sort of foreshadowing.
I'll definately add that to the revising list! Report Review
I agree that this was your best chapter yet. Your style, description seemed to improve so much. =)
The length didn't matter that much here, because it seemed kind of an interlude chapter if you know what I mean, a bit less about the attack and stuff and more about the relationship.
The kiss was a bit sudden and OoC, but I think if the reactions are done well it can be redeemed. Overall this chapter was excellent, a big improvement on your previous ones
EmAuthor's Response: Yeah I do realise, now that I look back, that I really do hurry most of the time when I write these chapters. I mean, most of them I write in a days time.
It's good to hear for once that the legnth didn't matter to much. Such a relief!
It was very sudden, to be honest, it wasn't planned at all. Which I know is bad. (shame on me : p) Thanks for a really honest review! It was very helpful and I just got an idea right now ( I know very random!). If I list everything about this story that needs to be improved than I can revise some parts of it a lot easier! Report Review
Its too quick. You've got this really good plot, but your rushing through everything. Let them argue more, make it though they're forced into getting along, that they realing don't wan't to. Make Hermione's chance reluctant.
You've got this awesome story, but it is suffering from a lack of length, build up etc
:)Author's Response: I understand what you're saying except for one part. What do you mean by Hermione's chance?
I know, that's the thing with my story. There are some things that need to be fixed in it, but I have to find the time. *sighs* Report Review
Damn those cliffhangers! Why do you have to keep using them! (And yes I realise that they show a good control of writing and that the next chapters only a short click away.) :)
The only thing I have to critise (sp?) apart from the same sentence thing as last time is the initial scene with Snape.
I thought it was a bit unrealistic how Draco didn't say anything about the attack. A girl has just been attacked in the hallway by a possibly dangerous curse and he didn't tell a teacher. Also, I would of thought Snape may known about that curse.
Also Snape seemed a bit OoC. Usually he's a bit more subtle than that.
However, I like the plot. Its very original, with the whole Trelwarny prophecy and the curse. Its good to see Snape's curses not being used around the place like common hexes as I've seen in some fics where characters get attacked.
Draco and Hermione appear to be IC, however I guess the big test is how you pull of the RoR scene.
And I'm dying to know who those mysterious Slytherins are. Death Eaters under polyjuice perhaps?
Author's Response: With Snape I thought he would be more outright around Draco than most people. So that's why he may be more outspoken.
I'm glad you like the plot! I was aiming for it not to be cliche. Snape is portrayed like that in some fics? Yikes!
Well, thanks for taking time to review! I really appreciate it! Report Review
What an evil way to start the story. I'm interested though...stupid cliffhangers!
I think you do have some grammar issues, mostly the use of unnessasary (sp?)sentences. For example these sentences:
"Draco looked around to make sure the corridor was empty. After he knew it was he ran to Hermione’s form to see if she was dead.Granger can’t be dead, there’s only one curse for that. Draco thought logically. With immense hesitation, Draco picked her up and carried her to the hospital wing."
It would probably read better as: After Draco looked around to see that the corridor was empty, he ran to Hermiones form to see if she was dead, then he realised his idiocy. He thought logically Granger can't be dead, there's only one curse for that; .
Theres a couple of other places where you did that.
Also maybe the curse scene was a bit rushed?
However I loved this line: “As you both know the noble art of Divination is very hard to master, but since you two are currently failing to grasp it we shall now go on the epic journey of getting in touch with your inner eye, by practicing our crystal gazing,” she finished dramatically.
Your Trelawney's brilliant, so melodramatic and trying to create this atmosphere, but failing dismally. It made me snicker, she's such a wannabe seer. ;)
Well, she is a seer, but anyhow.
I don't think your characters are OoC, which was what you were worried about, right. At least not in this chapter anyway. Draco helping Hermione has happened before, in GoF at the Quidditch Cup riots, however much he hid it behind insults. And I don't think that pre-HBP Draco would leave someone there to die, however much he wanted to.
We're ignoring HBP in this right?
Anyway, sorry it took me so long,
Author's Response: I had cliffhangers? I know this may sound stupid, but I didn't even mean for them to be there!
Well, anyways onto the grammar. This story definately is in need of improvement. One of these days I should just sift through the entire story seeking parts like that that need to be improved.
I'm glad that you like my Trewlaney other people thought the part with her was just a little too rushed, so I was suprised to hear you say that!
I think the characters are going to have OoC fest a little later on in the story...I'm afraid. That's just what I heard from the rest of the reviewers, though. And yes we're ignoring HBP as far as we know it never happened ; ) Thanks for the review!
wickedAuthor's Response: Um, thanks, glad you like it.... Report Review
I like where this story is heading - I generally like Hermione/Draco as un-canon as it is, mainly because of all their clashing :P
My advice though is to space out the changes in feelings, to make it more realistic. Hermione and Draco really hate each other for each their own reasons. Draco for one is completely blinded by the pureblood values he was raised with, and I think it would take a lot for him to become at least civil with her. The dramatic scene in HBP where Draco is actually afraid of killing Dumbledore...where he *almost* gave in to Dumbledore's offer of providing his family safety..something as big as that would've been something to turn Draco to the right side.
Definitely not trying to bash your story or anything, b/c I do like it so far, and as I said before, I like Hermione/Draco..it's just they each (especially Draco!) are such complicated people with so much between them, it takes a lot to knock down and clear the wall standing between them. :)Author's Response: Well, thank you. I agree with what you've said. All of it. The next few chapter my serve as explanation to that also so yeah. But I do agree with you that this story is a little rough around the edges. I'm currently trying to imporve it. But anyways thanks so much for the helpful reviews and I was soprised how fast you got to me! : ) Report Review
interesting start...twas a bit confusing for a moment when Draco referred to some event that he thought Hermione knew about...and then I remembered this was the prologue. :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'll have to look over at that part because I'm not sure about what you're refering to. If I spot that I'll be sure to fix it! Thanks for telling me. Report Review
Update!Author's Response: I promise I will. My beta just has to look at the next chapter and then it will be up A.S.A.P. Report Review
GOODAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! Glad to know ya like it! Report Review
i can't wait to see what's gonna happen next! what is snape up to? is he trying to help them out? eeee! i can't wait!Author's Response: Hmm... a very good question! The next chapter has been written it just needs to be edited ny my beta, so it should be up sooner or later. Thanks for the review! Report Review
I smell Draco and Hermione busting into Snapes supplies lol, I feel kinda sorry for him now, "Where is all my stuff going!? Potter! Is that you again?"
Sorry I tend to trail off like that from time to time. Now this was a nice chapter length, I'm still a little unconvinced with Draco's sudden change of heart but that's just me. Great read! -Valhalla Adonis-SnapeAuthor's Response: You have a very keen sense of smell! Lol. That comment about Snape made me laugh hard : D.
That's fine I don't mind trailing off at all. Yay I'm glad you liked the chapter legnth. I believe it'll stay around here or higher. The details about Draco- and Hermione0 are coming along, but that's all I'm going to say! You can't imagine though how happy I was to see four new reviews here! So you definately made my day! Thank you so much! I promise I'll fix this story up! Report Review
Wow, um moving along a bit too fast, you need more conflict before the first kiss. At least if you want to make it realistic that is and you should have some insight about the murders, like more questioning about them, especially from Hermione. -Valhalla Adonis-SnapeAuthor's Response: It is moving alonf fast, but this is a somewhat short story. I'm going to work on making this all more believable. This is, in a way, my first story that has gotten this far so that's why it may be lacking realism. Report Review
Again this chapter has potential, I would have liked to see more conflict between Hermione and Draco. She gave him that chance a bit too easily me thinks. Other then that, well done. -Valhalla Adonis-SnapeAuthor's Response: The conflict between them does build up rather slowly right now, but later on it will be small things. I'm off to reply to your next review! Report Review
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