502 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Harrypotterfanforever Questions

14th June 2009:
If I was Harry I would not just be sitting there. I would do something. But that is my opinion. This was great though and I'm thinking the same thing as Harry right now.

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Review #27, by Harrypotterfanforever Findings

14th June 2009:
I can just imagine Harry's wave a relief. This is great and very interesting. I love the idea and I'm am so hooked!

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Review #28, by snapeangel Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

13th June 2009:
very cool story so far

so what is the deal with SS and VA? besides they were in the same year..

please update soon

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Review #29, by Harrypotterfanforever Dreams

12th June 2009:
That was a great start to the story. You have the reader hooked and a change you would not expect. :)

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Review #30, by datbenik513 Dreams

13th May 2009:
I have been meaning to R & R this story of yours for ages; unfortunately, until now, I managed only the first R. Now it's time for the second one.

I have understood that this story is not DH compliant. Very good. I'm always in for a cleverly written AU story.

In media res. A dream Hermione can't decypher. Unfortunately, she'll learn very quickly what her dream meant.

There was a very interestim theme you've tackled. The ever existing dilemma of the parents of Muggleborn wizards and witches: what to tell, which lie to prefer, how to explain? Brilliantly written part.

Then, the circle is closed; the ring Hermione'd seen in her dream is again with her. Seems she has a connection with it, the bearer of immense magical power, capable of shielding her even from the Killing Curse.

I'm hooked and will have to read on :)

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Review #31, by deeps85 Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

17th March 2009:
i am waiting, waiting and still waiting. hoping ur university is finished or maybe closed to give u some time to relax and write.
i re-read some chapters having forgotten them
good day

Author's Response: It's a bad sign when even the author has to re-read chapters to remember them. My exams are over on friday afternoon. Next quarter I will have more time (I think) to actually get back to work on this thing. As I said in the response to the reviewer below, I'm going to do as much as I can during my spring break next week to get the next chapter out.

Thank you for sticking with me and reviewing. You guys are amazing!

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Review #32, by Screenager Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

4th October 2008:
I read the entire story so far last night. It's very good! I like the way you make Hermione 'special' without making it look like you're replacing Harry with her. Katarina's struggle and people's misconceptions are also very mysterious. It's nice to have a story where Voldemort is still around but not the single focus of every chapter.

I'd say keep it up, but you haven't updated in an awful long time. I hope you can still manage to do so!

Author's Response: I'm very glad you have enjoyed my story. I know it has been forever since I last updated, but fear not, I have not abandoned this project. Life has totally messed up everything and really kept me from being able to continue the chapters. I'm working on it again, slowly but surely. It's my last year at University and it's ton of work.

I hope to get a new chapter out soon, though I honestly don't know when. Thanks for reading and leaving this great review. I really appreciate it.


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Review #33, by Bella_Portia Visions and Flames

31st May 2008:
Greetings. I sent a longer review via email.

I liked the idea of Hermione slipping into that reverie about being with her parents and with that tree -- it had a mystical quality that seemed to mesh with her experience in this story.
I also liked the glimpse into her childhood experience. I've never seen that before in fanfic.

Overall, I liked the idea of Hermione being almost hyper-physically chilled by her experience. (I put some more comments relative to that in my email.) The fire being the bridge between her freezing body and her dream life was a brilliant idea -- somehow, very primal.

Every time Lord Voldemort enters the story I want him to stay longer, because he adds so much interest. Please come back soon, Dark Lord; and, next time, bring friends and stay longer!

The mysterious letters from Lupin were nice -- an oddly appropriate gift for the birthday of Harry's adulthood. I trust we'll find out more about them.

Generally, I felt the chapter could have been tightened up. Also I questioned whether the last sequence, in which Harry takes his Apparation test (even though it was well done), should have been included at all. But there was a lot of really interesting stuff in this chapter, and some beautiful writing.

Author's Response: I got the e-mail. Thank you so much.

I'm really interested in the fact that you liked the memory/dream sequence. I've always been a bit iffy on that, but when I get to this chapter in the revisions I will make sure to really think through any changes I think I should make to it.

Yes, I do like writing those scenes as well. My plans will make those scenes a bit longer in the rewrites, but we won't see a lot of Voldemort centered scenes for until after the Christmas Break *hehe* But I think you'll like my plans.

The notes, when I first put them in, just sort of float around without much of a purpose beyond what you will see later in the story. But, again, my plans for the rewrite will make their purpose even greater. I hope in a good way.

I do feel that the chapter can be tightened up as well. Most of my chapters can be, so that is part of my 'To Do' list when I revise the chapters.

Yes, the Apparation test may be cut, or written differently. I don't know yet. There is another scene in ch. 8 that harkens back to it that is very important for the overall story, so I think that the test will just have to be cut down a lot.

Thank you so much for the review, and the e-mail. With all my crazy studying and getting ready to leave the country for a quick vaca before going home, I just haven't had time for much of anything lately. Your thoughts are always welcome! *Eli*

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Review #34, by Potterholic Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

29th May 2008:
Oh yay! You updated! For a while there I thought this had been abandoned. Anyway, I love this chapter. This brought up a lot of new mysteries I’m so curious about. Could Ron and Katarina have a past? I never thought of it, seeing how she’s German and all, but now that it’s brought up, the possibility is there, isn’t it? I wonder which part of Rita’s article was facts, though I wouldn’t be surprise if Amsel did learn some dark magic. =P I’m also curious about the way Snape treated Katarina. It seemed like they had some kind of history too, or am I reading too much into it? ^_^ Anyway, I love Katarina’s comment about the Gryffindor and Slytherins rivalry. And I like the part with Harry and Caroline, and I’m looking forward to hear from her again.

All in all, great update! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: I know, I've been horrible in this area. I could turn my explanaition into a novel in and of itself. But life has just be utterly crazy, and I'm also working hard to revise all these chapters and bring them up to snuff.

I am soo happy you liked the chapter. Caroline was someone that really surprised me when I started writing that scene. I like her a lot, but we won't see a lot from her.

Thank you so much for sticking with me. I hope to hear from you in the future. *Eli*

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Review #35, by Bella_Portia A Birthday Present

23rd May 2008:
Hey, Eli. I am now hooked on this story. I thought this was a wonderful chapter. It was moving (I loved the ending) and interesting. I particularly liked the way you handled McGonnigal. I hope you don't mind, but I don't have a word of criticism. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Wow...I'm really surprised you didn't find anything wrong with it! Though I am happy that you are enjoying my story. McGonagall is my favourite character of the series (though for some reason I can't manage to remember how to spell her name right. :-p) so I do my best to show her as a more fleshed out woman.

I look forward to hearing more!

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Review #36, by Bella_Portia Escape

4th May 2008:
Overall, I thought this chapter had a lot of really good stuff.

There is a section in the first part that I thought was a little bit awkward. It goes: "She always worried about him and continuously told him that he should be careful. Yet she always managed to get her self (one word)in just as bad a shape or worse than he whenever she followed him into another crazy adventure: the scar she carries because of the curse a Death Eater threw at her in the Department of Mysteries, becoming petrified, and getting beat up by the Whomping Willow trying to save Ron in third year. But she was always there for him… always. Never wavering, never faltering." Maybe: She always worried about him and continuously told him to be careful, yet she often failed to take her own advice as she joined him in dangerous adventures. Hermione carried a scar from a curse thrown by a Death Eater at the Department of Mysteries. She was petrified while pursuing the Chamber of Secrets. And she was beaten up by the Whomping Willow as she tried to save Ron during their third year.

“‘Get off of him you stupid Mudblood!’ Voldemort screamed.” I’d have V say “pathetic Mudblood.” Sounds more Voldemortish to me.

I very much liked the scene with the horses. (I didn’t quite understand why Aria was so fond of stallions as riding horses, but to each her own.) I also expected Dumbledore to remove the necklace from Hermione’s neck, at least as a precaution, even if he did not have the time for a closer look.

The scene with the horses nuzzling Hermione was kind of a WTF moment, as far as Aria and Dumbledore were concerned, so maybe it would have benefitted from a little more detail. But the reader gets it, and it is a nice touch.

I also really liked the scene with the death eaters. (Obviously, it was written before the rewrite; and at this time, poor little Bellatrix had expired in the second chapter.) I liked the part with Draco, I liked the way his dad gave him hell, and I liked the way LV was prepared to send his valuable people off to a deadly battle just as a “test.” Very much in character. Terrific scene.

Next scene, where they are being chased: you have DD on a mare. I thought, in the previous scene, both horses were stallions. And then later it’s a stallion again. Other than this bit of nitpicking, it's quite an exciting scene, except that . . .

. . .oh, I don't like the ending. Can't Aria be critically wounded, so she can be saved back at Grimmauld Place?

I hope this was helpful.

Author's Response: Trust me, I totally noticed the part where I ended up having the horses get a sex change mid chapter. Actually banged my head against the desk for that one. :-p

The first section you mention is very awkward, yes. It's also a herald to all the typical H/Hr fics who like to have Harry realize his undying love for Hermione through mere memory discription. I've already deleted a lot of that because it just sounds stupid. But there are parts which I will rework.

The necklace will remain on her neck in the revision just as it has here. The third chapter has a little bit of explanation--though not direct--and Dumbledore keeps it on.

Yes, most of the horse scene's in this chapter were pretty much a WTF moment. Horses will still be involved in the escape in the revision, but in a different way. As will 'Aria'--who I have renamed--and you will see the first glimpse of that in the revised version of ch. 3.

I need to rewrite the DE scene, of course, but I'm glad you liked it.

As for the end...it's already changing, though I haven't decided if I'm still going to kill 'Aria' or something else. Once I get the third chapter from my beta and do his changes, I'll send it to you. Hopefully that will help cue you in a bit on the role of 'Aria'.

Thank you so much, and yes it is helpful!

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Review #37, by Gabilian Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

22nd April 2008:
You thought I forgot about you, didn't you? I didn't, but I just don't read much fanfiction anymore, and it took me a while to get around to it. Since DH came out, I just don't have the same enthusiasm for it. I hate to say it, but HBP (especially) and DH have taken the luster off of the series for me.

Anyway, on to your chapter. I enjoyed it quite a lot, though I must admit that my memory of the story is a bit shaky. Still, I really like the Amsel character. There is depth and mystery to her. You are bringing Katarina into the story nicely, and I assume that probably she will end up in a romance with the big red head. A little cliche perhaps (if that is what you will do), the two that hate each other then falling in love, but I fall for it every time. So onward.

While I am not particularly shipminded, I do wonder when the inevitable H/Hr will become more apparent, though there was one little hint in the chapter, if I recall. The interhouse rivarly is always a good subject for a story, and I enjoyed the conversation with the Slytherin.

All in all, an enjoyable chapter that moves the story along. Here's hoping the next chapter will not be so long in coming. I know you have a busy life, so I won't complain, but the long wait between chapters definitely makes following the story more difficult.

Are you back home yet? I hope your time in Sweden went (or is going) great. G.

Author's Response: I'll be honest, I did think you had forgotten. But I didn't want to poke and prod you about it. We all have our busy lives and fanfiction certainly isn't a priority for all people.

I do agree with you on the lack of enthusiasm due to HBP and DH. I think that it's part of the reason why the update last summer was so slow. But I can't blame it all on that.

As I had orginally planned, yes, Katarina and Ron would be together. But the only thing that will happen between them is that the family feud will be understood in its entirety (which it isn't on Ron's side) and they will both learn to accept each other as they are. So the hatred will fall away, and the beginnings of genuine friendship will start. But no romance. Perhaps a hint, but nothing more. I hope you aren't disappointed.

Yes...H/Hr...that has been a problem for me too.The biggest reason why it has taken long to update (outside school, and moving to Sweden) is that I have started an EXTENSIVE revision/rewrite of this novel. There is a lot missing in substance, depth and plot that I just can't ignore. This includes the H/Hr pairing. So as I revise, it is being slowly interwoven.

I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation with the Slytherin. It was my attempt and having Harry see that not all perceptions are right--most especially his 'to hell with all the green and silver'. Caroline, while not liking Harry because of his unjustified hatred for Slytherins in general, will come to a balanced understanding with him, and will play a role later on in the story.

I have no idea when the next chapter will come along. I may have to wait until I rewrite the previous chapters as otherwise I feel like I'm writing a shell with nothing inside.

No, not home yet. Still in Sweden, but I return to good ol' Washington on June 12th. It is going great though, and I'm soo glad I came.

It's been wonderful hearing from you and I hope to count on you for thoughts on the rewritten version whenever I managed to get it up and posted. *Eli*

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Review #38, by wolf25 Wrong Room

16th April 2008:
I hope Harry and Hermione get together soon!

Author's Response: It will be a process but they'll get there, I promise! *Eli*

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Review #39, by wolf25 Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

16th April 2008:
I hope you update soon I can't wait to read more

Author's Response: I hope to update soon too! Thanks for leaving a note! *Eli*

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Review #40, by wolf25 It's Forbidden

16th April 2008:
i love it so far. I might be wrong but to me its seems that you saying that Hermione is a divine summenor im i wrong or right?

Author's Response: I have no idea what a divine summenor is, so I guess that would have to be no, Hermione is not that. I'm glad you are enjoying it though! Thanks for reviewing! *Eli*

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Review #41, by dart87 Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

3rd April 2008:
i want more more more more more more more more... this story is great

Author's Response: thanks. I'm working on it!

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Review #42, by Bella_Portia Questions

29th March 2008:
I thought this was overall a really good chapter.

I liked the brief opening sequence, with the description of the necklace.

On Dumbledore’s and the necessity for horses – Dumbledore “vanishes” while on the estate in the previous chapter. I took that to mean he Disapparated. So, while horses are lovely (and fit in with Hermione’s vision), it seemed odd to find them using alternate transportation after the previous chapter.

“It had been a long time since Dumbledore had been atop a horse.” While this is not technically wrong, the commoner term for someone riding in the usual fashion is “astride” a horse.

“No one wanted to miss any sign of Dumbledore, . . .” I would have said, “sign from Dumbledore.”

“Professor Snape was brooding near the stairs.” Again, this is just a suggestion. But you have a parallel construction within the paragraph: Remus was pacing; Tonks sat; McGonnigal was standing; Snape was brooding.” All describe objectively observable activities, except Snape.
I would suggest, therefore, something to put Snape’s description more in line with the others, e.g.: Snape was standing near the stairs, still as a statue, with a demeanor that suggested he was brooding. [OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT]. You might also want to use the same verb for for all and say that “Tonks was sitting.”

That statement had haunted Harry and Ron since Dumbledore had left. I’d omit the second “had.”

but however - I hate it when typos get through.

“Hermione was in a real danger of dieing[,] and neither of them could do anything about it.”
“His parents, Cedric, Sirius, Parvarti, Colin, Professor Larken…there were so many[,] and if Dumbledore could do nothing, Hermione would be the next one torn from his life. “
In each of the above sentences, I think you need a comma. In the sentence that begins “Hermione,” I’d put it after “dying.” Also, please note the spelling of that word.
In the sentence that begins “His parents,” I would put the comma after “many.”

“Even the possibility of not having Hermione to count on in their last year at Hogwarts, or anytime, made his head spin.” This sentence reads a little awkward. Maybe: Just the possibility alone of not having Hermione to count on during their last year of Hogwarts was enough to make his head spin.

“Ron was mentally beating himself over the head. If only he had pressured Hermione into accepting Ginny’s invitation to stay at the Burrow for the summer. She wouldn’t be in the same situation if she had been there. Hermione was everything to him. She was there all the time. He could always talk to her about most anything, and she was always there to listen, even if they did argue a lot. If she never came back, Ron would never forgive himself.” Whose POV is this? If it is a switch to Ron’s POV, I’d suggest cutting it (I know – blasphemy). If it is appropriate, and you want to keep a Ron’s POV section, I’d suggest giving him his own little POV segment.

If, on the other hand, this is from HP’s POV, then it needs to be clearer. “It was obvious to Harry that Ron had been beating himself up with ‘if only’ scenarios. ‘If only’ he had been more forceful in trying to persuade Hermione to visit the Burrow for the summer – then, this would never have happened. Poor Ron. Harry felt awful for him. Hermione was everything to Ron.” And . . . well, didn’t mean to get carried away. But you see what I mean.

lieing — should be lying

“In truth, she had lied” – OK, I’m confused. I was going to go back to see what she actually said in the previous chapter. But it says she couldn’t lie, and yet it says she lied. Don’t get it.

“Kingsley, Bill, Tonks, and Professors McGonagall and Snape had arrived within an hour of Dumbledore’s departure.” I wasn’t crazy about the jumping around with time. (When the chapter begins, all these people were already at Grimmauld Place; then, toward the end of the chapter, we go back in time to their arrivals.) I appreciate that this is a matter of taste. The scene itself is fine. I just wonder whether the chapter might read better if it did not depart from chronological order. (I am not referring to Ginnie and Ron recounting how the news reached their family. That was fine.)

This long foregoing nitpicking sound really critical. I thought this was the best chapter so far. It was well paced. You have some really interesting plot elements going on. Your dream sequences are great. And you are taking a lot of risks with all the major OCs you are introducing -- which I think are quite successful. My hat is off to you.

Author's Response: Can I give you a virtual hug? *squashes to pieces* As I'm just starting to dig into ch.3's revision, this is perfect timing. I've deleted large segments of some of the things you mentioned, and cleared up the 'disappeared but then appeared on horseback' thing in the revised ch. 2 and now in the beginning of ch. 3.

I've found the same trouble with the random switch of time with the whole "they're already there, and then they're just arriving'. Makes me wonder just what the heck was going through my mind.

I am going to switch POVs in this chapter once or twice; Ron and Ginny will be included because of what I have done in the 2nd chapter revisions.

I'm cutting back on my OCs a bit. Or at least I think I am. Maybe I'm just (hopefully) writing them better in the revisions. Though I am renaming 'Ritha' to Julia because it's just too close to 'Rita' as in Skeeter and it bothered me. Not to mention that 'Ritha' isn't a very good name to begin with.

thank you so much for all of your help. I can't tell you how much your notes have aided me in my quest for a decent revision. *Eli*

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Review #43, by BlackDemonAngel Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

28th March 2008:
UPDate soon! I love it

Author's Response: I'll try!! *Eli*

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Review #44, by deeps85 Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

27th March 2008:
loved the story
hope u will update soon; sooner thn the time you mentioned in your chapters

Author's Response: I hope I can update sooner too. Thanks for the review! *Eli*

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Review #45, by Minervas_soul Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

27th March 2008:
Great chapter! I was so glad to see you had updated, but i know how things can get busy so i dont blame you at all.

LoVeD iT!

Author's Response: I'm really, really happy you enjoyed the chapter. And thank you so much for your understanding. It really means a lot to me. Thanks for sticking with me on this. *Eli*

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Review #46, by Kadoda Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

26th March 2008:
You write so well i dont even mind the wait. In fact it is almost like waiting for the next harry potter book to come out!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter and are still with me. I really, really appreciate it! *Eli*

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Review #47, by Caty Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

25th March 2008:
Brilliant story, I can't wait to hear more:D

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you like it! *Eli*

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Review #48, by Bella_Portia Findings

24th March 2008:
I think this is a really good chapter. A lot of the following are really nitpicky, and some are matters of style about which you may reasonably differ.
Toward the beginning, you say "aunt Petunia, uncle Dursley." I would capitalize thus" "Aunt Petunia, Uncle Dursley."
Also, in the sentence, “Don’t be stupid, Boy” – I don’t believe boy should be capitalized, as it is not a proper name.

Notes on Commas, Spelling and Usage
Generally, I you are less inclined to place commas after conjunctions linking compound sentences than I would be.
Thus: ". . . friends gifts to look forward to ,and the thought of leaving . . .".
". . .what had happened and not caring to be blamed. . . " Although I can see it your way, I personally would place a comma after “happened.” However, it comes down to how you want the sentence to read; it's your call.

In short compound sentences, I take it as a matter of style rather than a “rule.” You simply do it differently than I would.

“. . . with a few affectionate pets.” I think you pat a pet.

"scrutinising" – should be scrutinizing

The scene with Hedwig, and then the following scene with the the mysterious woman are terrific. The language was excellent. One suggestion: Drop the “have a nice life.” It’s not necessarily inappropriate, but such a cliche that it
kills the mood of mystery and menace that you’ve created.

The scene with the Auror was also very good.
With regard to this section: "Apparently his killing curse rebounded upon himself. There is no evidence that Hermione was hurt at all” -- I suggest you consider breaking it up after the first sentence, so Harry asks “What happened to Hermione" or "Is Hermione all right?" or something similar, and the Auror answers.

There is a slightly later coversation where, writing from Harry's POV, you write, "This was more than confusing. . . None of it made sense." Then Ritha observes, "No person should have been able to do what she did . . .without apparating either?” A few lines back, Harry was protesting that Hermione hadn't done it, she wasn't a killer. Therefore,
don’t Harry and Ritha need to have a conversation in which Harry protests that Hermione could not have killed Bella and the other two DEs, and the Auror convinces him that she must have done so?

The scene with Camile and Dumbledore was interesting but seemed just a little off. The problem seemed to be that it didn't quite nail the relationship between the two. Camille calling him Dumbledore seemed wrong. Monsieur, Professor, some sort of honorific would be in place as a sign of respect. For a servant to call him Dumbledore seemed improper.

Also, the point of view appeared to be DD's. I wish you would expand more on this and show more of what he perceives. And, while I'm at it -- why does he know Hermione is in France? And since the matter is urgent, he knows Camille is lying, and he is capable of pressing the matter -- why doesn' he? If all this isn't adequately explained, it affects the believability of this scene.

I did not like the end of the scene, where DD vanishes, the mistress appears and immediately says to the servant, "Go fetch DD." It would have been cleaner, IMHO, to just have "the mistress" turn up before Dumbledore left. If they needed to send word to Grimmauld Place. Well, I'm not sure how Camille gets into the house, since it's protected in canon by the Fidelius Charm. Assuming that's not an issue, DD could send her with word, or he could go and return.

Hermione's dream/hallucination with the horse: loved it.

I also like that you've involved the whole gang.

Author's Response: Again, you've pointed out quite a few things I've noticed myself along with several more I had not. I didn't even think of the inappropriateness of Camille calling AD Dumbledore. I'll fix that. As well as DD POV. You are totally right, more explanation is needed.

The ending for this chapter in the revised 'edition' is quite different, (Camille does not show up at Grimmauld and neither does DD) but I'm going to look at that ending scene in France again.

You're reviews are wonderful, Bella, and will help me improve these chapters even more. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. *Eli*

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Review #49, by Owww Yea Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

24th March 2008:
omg this is the best story lol
hey update sooner plz

Author's Response: I'm so happy you are enjoying it! thanks so much for the review! *Eli*

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Review #50, by pinks Chapter Seventeen: Rita Skeeter's Scoop

23rd March 2008:
Great story! I hope you update soon.

Author's Response: I'm going to try! So glad you liked it and thanks for the review! *Eli*

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