187 Reviews Found

Review #26, by oldershouldknowbetter The One After The Quidditch Match

23rd January 2015:
Review#16: the review where disappointment reigns and it’s not over the Quidditch result.


Did I miss something? What fight? We left the last chapter with all the feels over James and having started it with Michelle being nice to Abigail. This fight has occurred somewhere between the chapters and has fallen through the cracks.
There is a very good reason why she was never made captain – you want a good leader in a team captain, not just one who is obsessed about the sport. Can you imagine the horrible sort of captain she would make?

Hunger makes her angry, so does the world.
Rebecca rears her ugly head once again trying to insinuate herself into James’ life.

Abigail outlines her reasoning for not telling James about Rebecca’s attack upon her person. It was as I suspected, she made the hard choice for all the right reasons.

Quote: ‘I didn’t want to see Rebecca flaunting herself all over him’

This is the wrong use of flaunting, but having said that, it conjures up the most delicious imagery in my mind and makes me wonder if you used the word on purpose for that dramatic effect.

Abigail goes and hides from her disappointment, but it soon seeks her out. Isabella keeps proving her worth as a true friend; first the hand holding at the game and now this.

What an awful happenstance. First James seemingly so chummy with Rebecca and now this reported kissing with her behind the stands. The reader can hope it isn’t so, but Abigail cannot afford to. She has to assume the worst because it is the only way she can deal with her dashed hopes and dreams – by cutting them off and cauterising the stumps. (What delightful imagery, but apt)

Author's Response: I think I've missed something as well? Haha I need to go back and have a look at what I've written in this chapter.

Oh yes, Michelle would make a terrible captain! an absolutely terrible one!

Haha what doesn't make Michelle angry?

Poor Abigail, she really doesn't want to see Rebecca all over James.

She needs to really start listening to Isabella, she's a much better friend for her over Michelle.

:( Oh James! Are you caught up in a rumour or is it true? Sadly assuming the worse is how Abigail will always think.

Thanks so much for the awesome review!


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Review #27, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where We Talk About The Future

23rd January 2015:
Review#15: the review which discusses the cheese driven, Inferi Apocalypse to be eventually defeated by James Bond.


On again, off again- once more the friendship is on again with Michelle and how happy is Abigail? All it takes is for her friend not to be nasty and she is over the moon.

They both want to eat cheese!

I said before I like how you have made James have his inner core of childishness still alive. It informs his whole character, or at least it does when he’s around Abigail. She allows him to let his guard down and be what he likes around her. He probably has to be ‘On’ when he’s around some of his other ‘normal’ friends.

Cheese led dreams ...

… Of Inferi and survival. The Inferi apocalypse as an excuse to get together, how teenage boy of him. Only the end of the world could drag out the admission of admiration? Desire? Love?

Ah the feels. I like how you have maintained the habit that I have seen before of James running his hand through his messy hair when he is embarrassed when he wants to hold her or hug her or whatever.

In a moment of distractedness she hugs him; just something she does/did with her brother. In this one little thing it is such an illumination of the relationship between the siblings – a subtle but effective piece of characterisation. I have such a clear mental image of the hug: his back to her; she instinctively hugs him to ward off his ire (even though it’s pretend); then her realising what she’s done and who she’s done it to; her eyes going wide as she soaks in the enormity of what she’s done.

James reciprocates with a rib-crushing hug of his own – that lifts her off her feet!

Then all the play fighting – such children – but it soon turns a bit too intense and James is about to say …

Arrgh! The untimely interruption – yet another staple of the thwarted romance to add to the list.

*sighs* oh well, that is it for this encounter/chapter there is no way that level of spontaneous intensity will be generated any time soon. What is this chapter fifteen? It will probably be chapter eighteen before anything this natural brings them together again. *sighs*

Let’s go back to a bit of the plot then with a bit more about the life of muggles and the introduction of James Bond. Of course James knows about Bond – the same name is an instant attraction of any young boy to a hero.

It leads in to the revelation of what both of them want to do once they leave the school. James’ choice is far more mature than we (and Abigail) would give him credit for. Yes it is couched in a young kids idolisation of superheroes (and probably some idolization of his father as well), but it isn’t just bumming around playing sports like a lot of other James’s in other stories seem to want to do.

And Abigail, she wants to get into comics; great something that James can understand and like, but it is in America and hence away from him.

He gets sad; she sees him getting sad; she gets sad herself realising that would separate them both probably forever. Yes, it is in the future. Yes, they are not together, but Abigail sums it up perfectly:

Quote: ‘I just couldn’t help but want nothing more than him to ask me to stay with him.’

Author's Response: I can't wait for the day that Abigail gets more confidence to tell Michelle where to go, it'll be so much easier for her. Poor dear.

James lets his inner child show a lot, especially around Abigail, he can't help but be himself around her. She does allow him to let his guard down. He doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not around her.

Oh the cheese led dreams! Haha, this mainly came about because I couldn't stop dreaming of zombies for an entire week. An inferi apocalyse is definitely an excuse to get together, he's such a teenage boy!

Bless him being all cute with his hand running through his hair! :D He just wants to hug her all the time and it makes him embarassed.

I love that moment, that was my favourite to write between them, just Abigail' realistaion of what she's done and then James turning around to hug her ever so tightly.

He's the best at hugs and I really want one!

The James Bond reference is going to be a big part of the future of this story and the sequel called 'The Unspeakable'. Of course James wants to be a superhero :P

Thank you once again for being so awesome!! :D


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Review #28, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Almost Trip To The Hospital Wing

23rd January 2015:
Review#14: the review which has miscommunication about miscommunication.


Michelle takes a break from being nasty only to have someone worse take her place. I say worse, but thinking about it which is worse physical abuse or psychological abuse? The physical hurts worse at the time, but its effects don’t leave as many unseen scars as the other can. I sometimes think that Abigail’s psyche is one big mass of scar tissue.

Abigail keeping up the pretence of walking normally (even though it hurts) around Rebecca is good – shows us that she does have some moxie.

Quote: “Michelle regarded me with a stern look. “Abigail, if you need to go get some pain relief potion then don’t let what others think stop you. It’s what those bitches want.”

This is why we cannot automatically dismiss Michelle – good on you for making all your characters three dimensional.

A letter from James – this is where it starts being something more than class partners or even just friends. A boy doesn’t write to a girl – even something as innocuous as this note for an innocent library assignation – unless he likes that girl, and I mean like likes.

One of the things that I like about this whole work is the lack of blatant miscommunication. There is some small stuff, but usually you have your characters talk if someone says something wrong or snappy (as in this case) or like James laughing over Abigail having the comic. They don’t go immediately off in a huff, they might assume the worse – as people do – but then you have your characters talk and correct the misstep.

There is talking and then there is talking though. Abigail will not tell James the direct cause of her misfortune. Again this is something about your storytelling I like – I cannot decide if she should or she shouldn’t. I can see reasons for doing either – she should try to find a solution herself on one hand, but on the other it would further her cause with James. I think upon reflection she might have chosen the best course and I think it is actually from the start of some emotional bravery (the very start) and not just her old stick-her-head-in-the-sand persona. But again, it is you putting your characters in believable situations and having them have to make real decisions.

What was that I was saying about miscommunication? The direct put-your-foot-in-it, I-said-something-wrong type of miscommunication you don’t have but the deep down one …

*sigh* miscommunication and wrong supposition – the twin elements of thwarted romance.

William comes along; I am enjoying him as a character. I have had hints throughout your author’s notes that you have a fair few of your stories linked together. This is intriguing and makes me want to read more of your stuff and makes it feel like a big shared universe. Well, have to get past this lot of reviews first.

James has a secret.

Another secret.

This time seemingly more important than just staying up all night reading comics.

I wonder what that can be (this reviewer says sarcastically).

Author's Response: I'm still loving how your review titles are like my story titles :D Love love love it!

Poor Abigail is just getting it from everyone! Poor her, can't people just leave her and James alone? I think it is as well! Poor Abigail, I'm so mean to her.

Yeah, she doesn't want to make a big deal of it and bring more of their attention upon herself.

See, Michelle does have some good qualities, she just hides them very very well.

Oh yeah, those two are becoming more than just class partners. This is a friendship, possibly (definitely) more!

I didn't want them to just throw huffs when it doesn't go their way (except for Michelle, but that's just Michelle haha)

Awww thank you! :D

Hahaha

I'm so glad that you're enjoying William, I do have quite a few of my stories connected together, I've put a list on my profile page on the forums, if you wanted to take a peek and see what's connected. There's quite a lot and it's fun to include bits and pieces here and there. :D I hope that you do read more of my stuff, if you wanted to of course!

Hahah what could it be indeed?! :P

THank you so so much for reviewing and being so awesome! :D


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Review #29, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where I Engage In Gossip

23rd January 2015:
Review #13: the review which observes the observer.


Quidditch – it always rears its ugly head in a school fic sometime. It is usually used, as you do here to elicit responses and generate situations to further usually the characterisation of your protagonists, but sometimes even to further the plot.

Here, because Abigail is not a player nor indeed is she even interested in Quidditch, it is all about what the situation brings to our attention about her character.

The counterpoint between the two friends is emphasised here. When Abigail is talking to Michelle about her crush it’s all supportive, when it’s the other way around Michelle is down on her again. ‘Fancy Man’ she calls James denigratingly. I wonder if it is more than just mere petulance? I wonder if it is verging into spitefulness because Abigail’s crush is actually talking to her whereas Michelle’s probably doesn’t even know she exists? We don’t know this exactly, but there is no evidence within Abigail’s perception boundary to indicate that Michelle and Ethan have ever even talked.

Abigail is a bit of a social chameleon. Becomes excited about Quidditch (and by corollary most other things as well) only once they are right in front of her. It unfortunately speaks to her timidness as well as her desire to blend in; to fit in. The low opinion she has of herself won’t allow her to anticipate good things happening to her so when they come they are enjoyed as they present themselves. Any anticipation she has is usually of a negative kind.

Ha, the mystery of numb bum explained – I’d always wondered too.

I’m very glad you resisted the urge to describe the match. Abigail is not interested and it would have rang false for her (and hence the perspective of the story) to pay too much interest in it. We know that James played – her cheers – we know who won and we know what position James played; that is all that we need.

Now gossip, the grist upon which the mill of teenage fiction feeds.

It is so good that she has found some other friends at last. The friends have almost entered the story by osmosis. So gradually have they snuck in that our narrator has not really truly noticed their addition – they just turn up sometimes. The truth is she won’t allow herself to believe that anyone could actively want to become her friend.

Gossip is such a good friend to the storyteller – you can put down exposition and barefaced facts straight out into the narrative without much preamble at all.

So we learn here about some of the other inhabitants of the castle, specifically some Weasleys.

The two other girls manage to drag some information out of Abigail about her feelings for James. Good she needs to articulate it – the conversations she has with herself in her head are not productive; she is too used to hearing herself say (in her mind) she should be doing something and then ignoring it. They support her and bolster her feelings/hopes that he might like her back, even going so far as to dismiss Rebecca’s supposed hold over his affections.

Author's Response: It usually does, sometimes I dislike writing Quidditch (Which is a problem as I have an entire story that's Quidditch central... whoops!) Abigail is only interested when James plays :P

Michelle just needs to grow up, it needs to always be about her and heaven forbid Abigail needs her to be happy for her or give her nice advice. Poor Abigail, it is getting spiteful and it's definitely because James is talking to her and Ethan wants nothing to do with Michelle.

I always wondered about the numbness as well! :D

I'm glad I did too, I find it very difficult, she really isn't interested in the match at all.

Gossip is what makes a teenage girls world go round... or crumble apart. It can go two ways. :P Yep, Weasleys are mentioned! And they will be mentioned again in the future, or at least a few more of them. :P

She does need to articulate it to someone that cares, which isn't Michelle and you're right it's not productive at all to keep having them in her head. They do support her, they're good friends.

Michelle should take note!

Thanks once again!


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Review #30, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James Is A Dragon For The Day

23rd January 2015:
Review#12: the review which contains a monster (and it’s not James as a dragon).


How telling is it, as to Abigail’s character, what her reasons are for enjoying her two favourite holidays. Christmas she enjoys because she is at home with her dad and can be who she is without fear of judgement. Halloween she enjoys because she can dress up and become who she wants to be, thinking that people won’t see the real Abigail underneath.

But people are not going with it and Abigail cannot stand to be the only one dressed up, that would defeat the result that Abigail desires.

Muggle Studies may once again provide the answer to her disappointments. James is so excited and I realise that this is one of the aspects of your characterisation of him – he has become a decent young man but he has not entirely forgotten or discarded the joys and passions of his youth.

He provides a needed counterpoint to Abigail’s concerns and fears – he won’t care what people think of him going around the castle as a dragon. Stuff them he’s having fun. Abigail needs to take some cues from him.

Oh some closeness ensues as one of the ‘love smells’ makes itself known – the coconut smell of James’ shampoo. They get close, but a paintbrush stands between them; that and the yawning chasm of Abigail’s self-doubt.

We are introduced to another … I’m tempted to say another biatch, but only time will tell. She is definitely jealous and possessive of James, even Abigail can see that, but again her insecurities make her wonder what the other girl could be jealous of.

Michelle apologises to Abigail. This is part of her roundedness as a character, she can learn she can be better than herself, but it may be too little too late and her true nature may only lie just below the surface. If you make someone too evil then they become a caricature and can drag the story down into … trying to phrase this right … badly written rubbish.

Michelle knows that Halloween is one of her friend’s favourites – so she has paid some attention to Abigail after all.

Rebecca is brought to our attention once again: we were correct she is going to be a biatch.

Author's Response: Yep, she loves them because she can pretend to be someone else, or be away from other people at her school's judgement.

Nope, people aren't going along with it, poor Abigail.

It may! and it does! James loves dressing up and being other people, and he kinda has no fear over what other people think of him. If he wants to dress up then he'll be dressing up! He is very excited, he's like a child and he could never forget that excitement... otherwise he wouldn't be the James I love to write.

Abigail does need to take some cues from him.

Oh yes! it certainly does make one of the love smells known! :D Coconut is on the list! I should make little reminders at the beginning of chapters, or give out bingo cards for you all to check off!

Oh yes! We are introduced to another! in the form of Rebecca who is not a nice person at all!

But do we believe her apology? Is she only saying it because she has noone else to be around? Pretty much! Even though she's not a terrible friend at all times, she does know that Abigail's favourite holiday is Halloween after all.

Thank you!!! :D


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Review #31, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where I Find Out Why James Was Up All Night

23rd January 2015:
Review#11: the review which compares fiction to reality.


Oh well, Michelle’s niceness was short lived.

Abigail finally has the guts to say something back to her – and she is not wrong either. Her bravery only goes so far and she has to say her piece only as she slams the door behind her, trying to prevent or at least forestall Michelle’s vengeful wrath.

I liked the whole comic thing with James and his late night is revealed. I liked the set up with Abigail’s disappointment at James grabbing the comic; then having it turn into surprise then happiness and finally connection. Yay!

Just on a personal note: this is how I actually met my wife, though swap ‘comics’ for ‘Doctor Who Magazine’. We attended University together and so I knew her for three years as someone in my class. She was always in the group just in front of mine for lab partners as her last name began with an F and mine with a G. I noticed one day, at the start of a Statistics lecture of all things, that she was reading a Doctor Who magazine. I bounded down the desks (in those days I usually went barefoot everywhere – ah, itinerant student that I was) and sat on the desk in front of her saying, “Do you like Doctor Who too do you?”. She couldn’t meet my eyes and could hardly talk to me. In my naivety I thought it was because she didn’t like me, but I found over time that the exact opposite was true.

It is a natural for James to like comics – it fits in with the character you have established for him. Just wait till he finds out it is her dad he is idolising. It is a fine piece of characterisation to not have Abigail reveal the information as well as a fine piece of storytelling – it would be a trump card to play and it should not be played until Abigail can recognise and reap the benefit of it. I will look forward to when and how James finally finds out the comic writer/artist he idolises is Abigail’s dad.

Oh and such a lovely connection you make between fame and its desirability and the two families trying to protect their children.

Quote: “Damn, I needed to get a hold of my feelings; they’re beginning to get out of control. There was nothing hidden in the meaning behind his words. He was being nice and was excited that I read comics like he did…”

*sigh* oh Abigail …

Author's Response: Definitely short lived, she can't be nice for long, it's not in her nature to be.

Abigail does have some guts, they don't last for long but they are there!

I'm so glad that you liked the whole comic thing with James and the set up with the grabbing of Abigails. They both share a big passion for them. :D

Awww did you? That's so adorable! Haha do you still go barefoot everywhere? Did you not hurt your feet? Aw you and your wife sound so adorable! I'm so glad that you can connect with this moment and thank you for sharing this piece of information with me! :D It's like you are James and Abigail in the future!

I can't wait for you all to read the scene where he finally finds out about her dad! I've been so excited about that part for so long! :D She's really worried that James is only interested in her because of that piece of information.

Thank you :D They're both trying to protect their families from fame.


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Review #32, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Talent Show

23rd January 2015:
Review #10: the review which shines with talent.


Good we have skipped forward to after they have decided/finished their project. Unless there was something significant to impart in that process it would have dragged the story too much if it were delineated.

She is so nervous, so very unsure of herself and James is being a decent human being; with many talents apparently so let us see.

And yes he comes through, talented indeed is Master Potter. I couldn’t help reading the entirety of the ‘performance’ with a smile upon my face. I’d hoped from before that the show might bring Abigail out of her shell as well as letting James shine. It doesn’t, instead letting James shine for the both of them – proving how much of a mensch he really is.

Abigail hugs her books to herself and not whom she wants to. All she can do is give him a shoulder nudge of thanks.

William is not only a good friend, but an enjoyable character too – I love it every time he steps across the page.

It is pleasing to see James getting embarrassed for a change and not just Abigail. James is apparently not brave enough to do something it seems – could it be that he cannot express his true feelings to the girl he secretly admires?

Hogsmeade doesn’t reveal much except a couple of things:-
Michelle is relatively nice, is this because the presence of another potential friend for Abigail has Michelle on the defensive?
And also Michelle not only doesn’t like comics but actively denigrates them. Comics are the one thing that Abigail is truly and genuinely proud of especially that it is her dear old dad who makes them.

Tell me why they are friends again?

But the day ends well enough. Michelle is not truly bad, as such we have to have some sympathy for the character. It is obviously her choices which must concern us because she can be nice when she wants to so that can mean that she is also nasty because she wants to be.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it enough to have a smile on your face throughout it all :D James is a man of a lot of hidden talents, I should make a list of them, he's quite talented. He once spent an entire summer learning how to do circus tricks! That's a bit of my headcanon for you, that I haven't shared with anyone else! :D

James would never force her to do something she wasn't ready too, and poor Abigail, although has gained more confidence is still worried about what other people will think.

Of course William embarasses him :P He's one of the only people that know how and James is brave but not all that brave over one thing. :P We can all guess what!

Michelle and Abigail are friends because sadly Abigail is scared that no one else would want to be her friend and she'll be alone.

There is a tiny bit of sympathy for Michelle... not much, but a small part. :P


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Review #33, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Chewed Quill

23rd January 2015:
Review #9: the review which shows that there is at least some worth in all of us.


The quill as a sign of love – framed and enshrined for eternity.

Acting out their idea for the television show should allow James to shine or Abigail to come out of her shell, or hopefully both.

Michelle just has to drop her acid into Abigail’s joyful mood. I see the competitiveness here that you mentioned earlier in chapter three when they were brewing the love potion. So it’s not just Michelle being nasty and spiteful for the sake of it; she wants her potion to succeed and doesn’t want Abigail’s possible distraction to hamper her chances of a good grade.

She makes Abigail almost want to cry, but a smile from James saves her day.

Michelle says some words and yes they are mean, but there is some truth in them. Abigail is indeed making a lot of the fact that James is now talking to her. And even though we, the readers, hope she is right, everything that Michelle says about their different social standing is correct and she knows how much Abigail is wishing (subconsciously) for more. Jealousy does play a part in Michelle’s warnings, but so to do the facts. Abigail does know the truth of some of it and cannot bear to think of how much James deserting/tricking her would hurt.

A friend would indeed point this out, but a good friend would find a much nicer way of doing so.

Sure enough along comes Isabella to show Abigail what a true friend would do – listen. She doesn’t know Abigail like Michelle does, but she is prepared to bolster and support Abigail if she needs it.

Author's Response: The talent show definitely does do one of those things :D

She did! Michelle is terrible and needs to go away! She needs to stop being a horrible friend and start realising that she needs to treat Abigail nicer.

At least James' smile is there to save the day :P

Jealousy plays a major part in Michelles actions, but she's speaking the things that Abigail is already thinking, so she's going to believe her. :( It's just sad that Michelle feels the need to be so mean about it all.

Isabella is definitely the good friend and should be around Abigail more!

Thank you once again!! :D


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Review #34, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James Is Up All Night

23rd January 2015:
Review #8: the review which posits the highlight of any given day for Abigail.


Oh goody the gossip has spread. On the back of the Love-Potion-Incident now comes the fact that James is seen with her and talking to her more often. One can almost hear the gossips say, “Don’t you know, she only got him by trickery. Slipped him a love potion she did.”

Abigail doesn’t understand it – ‘don’t people know that James could never be interested in me,’ her low self-esteem says.

Had to look back again – Yep coconut is one of Abigail’s ‘love smells’ (how dirty that phrasing seems to sound to me now).

Muggle Studies class. We sense that this is the highlight of any day for Abigail: no Michelle to make her life a misery; a class that she says herself at the beginning of the story she was good at; and last and best of all James sitting beside her and talking to her of his own volition.

Such a lot of delicious flirting and some progression in their burgeoning friendship. I like how we are kept in the dark about James’ feelings, I know it is a happenstance of the narrative style you have chosen, but it is good to be kept somewhat in suspense. It doesn’t stop us from wishing and hoping however and there are hints that James may be starting to feel the same way.

The secret of James’ nocturnal adventures/doings is tantalising to say the least.

I’m glad we are seeing more of Isabella or someone who will be a friend to Abigail too. She might not be completely friendless after all, if she only would see it.

A Hogsmeade trip – potential for drama and story and action.

Author's Response: The gossip had to spread! I'm surprised it took as long as it did. :P Of course those would be the kinds of gossip that go around the school. :(

She really doesn't understand it at all, poor her. She has very low self-esteem.

Muggle studies is the only time where she doesn't have to worry too much about what other people think, she can get a break from Michelle and she's also got the chance to be around James without being judged.

I'm glad that you like being kept in suspense, there are definitely hints though, you're right :D But hopefully enough to keep you intrigued and guessing!

Haha oh those late nights of James'! all shall be revealed soon :D

Isabella is definitely going to be a good thing for Abigail, she needs a good friend who is going to be on her side through everything.


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Review #35, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Muggle Studies Project

23rd January 2015:
Review #7: the review which remembers shared assignments at school not being so much fun.


Ah the shared school assignment – a device beloved of authors to force two characters together. If only my school assignments had led me along the path of love *sighs*

Abigail doesn’t even cross her fingers and hope for James. No, she has brow beaten herself so much that she wonders if whoever is stuck with her will dislike it too much. She doesn’t even dare to dream for James which makes it all the more special when he selects her.

A bit of the outside world creeps in. I always like to see which type of wizarding world we have in a next gen story. So you have not gone for the ‘wizarding TV’ version of the next gen reality.

Making a program together could lead to interesting times ahead.

James’ rambling is a neat device to inform of so much of his family and back-story it was wonderfully done. I am suddenly reminded that this is the same author who penned the spoilt and pampered James of ‘A Long Summer’. This is fantastic stuff – you can write such disparate characterisations of the same person and have them both believable and apt for the stories they are in.

Abigail is reveling in the return of her ‘crush’ – I do not mean the object of the crush but the crush itself – but she almost won’t let herself enjoy it.

Author's Response: Who doesn't love a good shared assignment at school? What better way to get people closer? :P All of my old school assignments just led to me getting annoyed at the other people I was forced to work with. *sighs as well*

Poor Abigail, doesn't even realise that James is the one happy to work with her. :D And that he chose her! It's a happy day for all concerned! And us!

I don't understand the wizarding tv version of next gen... if magic can't work around them... how do they have it?

James is adorable when he rambles, aw! Haha I'm glad that it reminds you of me writing 'A Long Summer' :P Thank you so so much! And I'm so glad that you think that. :D

Abigail needs to learn to let herself enjoy the moments when they arrive!


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Review #36, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Four Hour Nap

23rd January 2015:
Review #6: the review which has a nap critique


Michelle and Quidditch; is the captain having more practices to just give people a second chance or is it more a second chance to see if there is someone who could replace you?

Michelle has a crush herself – bet Abigail never made her feel bad about Ethan.

Abigail has some options for friends it is good to see. If only she could see it too.

If I may humbly make one small criticism: the nap seems to draw out the chapter and there is nothing much to advance the plot here. Michelle and the Quidditch stuff and the conversation after the nap could have easily been added to the next chapter without much harm done. Her having the nap and still feeling so tired afterwards really seems to have no bearing upon the plot (unless in a subsequent chapter we find out she is sick or something). But then again a reader will pass through this chapter with ease and go on to the twenty (and counting) chapters to come. So I am
probably making too much of it all. Ah, I often have an afternoon nap – so what on earth am I complaining about?

Abigail has a tiny bit of joy when she catches James’ eye at the dinner table, but yet again Michelle has to dump condescension and then spitefulness all over it

Quote: “What would you do if this all happened with Ethan?” I asked her, letting my annoyance and tiredness take over my mouth before I could rein it in and stop it.

Abigail has the temerity to point out to Michelle what would she do if the situation were reversed. Michelle shrugs it off but I don’t know how much to believe her – I tend not to believe anything which comes out of her mouth. This reader thinks that if the situation were reversed, Michelle would not only be a gooey mess, but also want her friend’s support and congratulations.

Abigail nearly, nearly broke out of her self-imposed shell and said what she means, but all that came out was the small counterpoint. Abigail dreads that Michelle may be correct and that James is doing all of this as part of some elaborate trick, but Abigail shouldn’t doubt herself so much (aint that the truth) – she is a far better judge of character than she gives herself credit for.

Though, if in the remote possibility that it is some sort of cruel joke, Abigail knows that she will be devastated.

Author's Response: Abigail would never make Michelle feel bad about Ethan. She needs to see that there are other and better friends out there for her, much like Isabella!

Haha I probably shouldn't have included the nap and the tiredness, I may have been napping or tired whilst I was writing it, so just decided to include it. Sadly she's not sick (Although why am I sad that she's not sick? I'm a mean person!)

Michelle is always around to dump her spitefullness on people, it's the only thing we can rely on her for! Of course you're right, we can't believe anything that comes out of her mouth. Michelle would definitely want Abigails support 100% if it was the other way around.

She very nearly did! It was so close but it was there, she's growing up! *wipes away proud tear* You're right, she really shouldn't doubt herself so much.

Will it be a cruel joke? We shall see!

Thank you!! *Squishes you with the biggest hugs*


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Review #37, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Change In Friendship

23rd January 2015:
Review #5: the review which has the smell of honey about it.


James has kept being polite and unstalkerish – I like your James he seems like a good guy.

Michelle just keeps putting in digs to Abigail and doesn’t realise that what she’s doing is digging her own grave.

Then James again and his proximity for once makes the normally shy and reserved girl open up and let a small skerrick of information slip out about her toxic relationship with Michelle. It is the first real chink in the armour of habit she has encased herself in – apart from the silent whispers she does to herself which the reader knows she has been doing so long that they are devoid of power.

Honey lip balm, must go back and check … yep! Honey is one of James’ ‘love smells’, Oh it’s just made me feel all warm inside.

Author's Response: Oh James' rambles, it's a good thing that we know he's not a stalker. :P I'm glad that you like my James and think that he's a good guy.

Michelle really does need to realise that she is digging her own grave by being mean, you're totally right. But she's so blinded by thinking about herself, she doesn't really care about how Abigail is feeling or what she's being put through by the behaviour. It's sad. :(

James is going to be a good thing for her confidence.

Yep! It's one of the 'love smells' I had so much fun with those! :D Awww yay for the warm feeling!! :D

Your reviews give me the biggest warm feelings! :D


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Review #38, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Chocolate Of Forgiveness

23rd January 2015:
Review #4: The review which has chocolate in it


Abigail is still beating herself up over what was not her fault.

James arrives.

The eponymous chocolate of forgiveness – such a wonderful phrase to have in the back of my mind as I read this - oh, it’s actually written on the chocolate itself, how absolutely delightful.

James is again brave in coming up to Abigail to apologise.

Abigail is such an emotional mess deep down to her core that James’ presence and presents and politeness cause her poor fragile ego to flip and flop about so heart-wrenchingly.

The Chocolate of Forgiveness has unfortunately done little to dowse the flames of gossip.

One thing we learn is how truly friendless Abigail feels herself to be – it is saddening.

She retreats, to eat her chocolate in solitude, still not trusting the confection, let alone her encounter with James. We the readers know she should trust that chocolate to the ends of the Earth.

Author's Response: Who doesn't want chocolate of forgiveness? I would forgive anyone that brings me some... well, within reason. Although I would be so suspicious of it! Oh James! being adorable in his writing on the piece of chocolate wrapping paper.

James is definitely brave in coming to her after the disaster of previous chapters.

We do know she should trust the chocolate! :D


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Review #39, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The Love Potion

23rd January 2015:
Review #3: The review which is longer because there is so much in the chapter.


A long chapter warrants a longer review.

On again, off again Michelle is back to being Abigail’s friend – as if she needs it. She feels she does – Abigail is just a little bit insecure and I suppose it fits with her Hufflepufness. I like it when people write stories about the Puffers or the Claws; it show that their stories have value too, not just the Slytherins or the Gryffindors.

Michelle is happier, but she cannot resist another dig at Abigail about James. If she’s not careful she’s going to drive them together.

Ah the love potion: such a good plot device and ‘story’ generator.

James is funny – good – but he’s smart too – even better. It is wonderful your characterisation of James; it is very brave of him, and hence true Gryffindor, to tell his ‘love smells’ out loud to the whole class (remember not even Hermione was brave enough to do that). I like it when authors remember to actually make their Gryffindors brave.

Good, Abigail has at least one ‘love smell’ the same as James, but rain? That seems to me to be some foreshadowing of some delicious rainy rendezvous with James to come – well at least one hopes so.

Quote: “Grass, soap and polish.” Michelle told me, she seemed almost smug about something. “That’s clearly a sign that I’ll love a Quidditch player.”

She’s a Quidditch player herself, isn’t she? So maybe that means she just loves herself.

Ah stolen love potion – even better to drive the story along and I note that Abigail wasn’t paying attention to Michelle when the latter was packing up – I wonder what she missed …

But the love potion is used so soon – no long and protracted build up. Obviously you must have more planned to fill the, what, twenty or so chapters after this one that you don’t need to drag out this plot device.

The whole ‘love scene’ is done well: sad and bittersweet and everything.

Abigail is gutted and what’s more is she cannot tell anyone why and will probably have to laugh it off in the future if someone mentions when James professed his love for her.

It is good to see James does have some good friends – one tends to be judged by the company you keep and if those two idiots were it, then …

Hmm, I wonder how Abigail is judged because of Michelle.

I wonder who the potion was actually meant for, Michelle? Why?

Author's Response: Wooo! Long review! :D

Abigail is really insecure and Michelle knows how to play on those insecurities to her advantage. She knows that Abigail won't go anywhere, because she's made Abigail see that she's her only friend.

I love writing about Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws!

Yep, the love potion is being used! Mwahahaha. :P

I'm so glad that you think that way about James and my characterisation of him. He's definitely a Gryffindor, it takes a lot to scare him.

Haha a delicious rendezvous in the rain? Maybe maybe! :D

She is a Quidditch player herself so it's definitely about her! Hahaha she does love herself!

Nope, no prolonged build up of whn it'll be used, Elijah and Barry jump right in there. I'm happy you thought that the scene was done well.

Poor Abigail and James, at least William was there to sort things out. He's a good friend.

Barry and Elijah originally planned to use the potion with Michelles hair and on James , so that he would fall for her instead. They just managed to get poor Abigail instead.


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Review #40, by oldershouldknowbetter The One With The 'Supportive' Best Friend

23rd January 2015:
Review #2: The review which explores the relationship with a biatch.


We now explore the relationship between the two friends. I called Michelle a ‘so called friend’ in the last review because we had some fore-shadowing of how this ‘friendship’ might develop in the future. We will see whether the relationship is as we suspect as we see them interact more in this chapter.

Well, our suspicions are soon confirmed because the relationship is a toxic one and it may become fully poisonous as the series progresses. Michelle is not nice to her at all and Abigail just rolls over and takes it. Michele is controlling; Abigail doesn’t have other friends due to Michelle’s influence; and sometimes she is just plain nasty
I do believe Abagail, that she has foresworn her crush on James – It was just a young girl’s fancy, but now with her coming to his notice … she finds that it might not be so easy to put it completely behind her. And do we blame her, James sounds dishy.

We have a very believable and sympathetic heroine in Abigail. She has some flaws but they are understandable and we hope that over the course of the story she will overcome them.

Michelle is that sort of person that most of us have encountered at one point of time or another. She treats her few (one?) friend so poorly because she knows that someday the friend will get up the courage to call them on their (can’t swear) nonsense. They have to be mean for so long, almost pre-emptively, for when the friend finally has had enough and gives it all up as too awful to endure and then Michelle can say ‘well, I knew you would turn out to be a biatch all along.’

Author's Response: I love how your reviews are based off of my chapter titles! That's a lovely touch! :D

Oh Michelle, she makes me want to hurt someone or something! Mainly her! She's sadly based off of me and my old best friend from high school, I'm glad she's not in my life any more that's for sure!

Yep, sadly the relationship between the two is toxic and it'll get worse. Poor Abigail, she needs to grow a backbone.

I don't blame her at all for her crush on James, he is dishy. :P

Michelle is very controlling, and she only has the one friend which is Abigail, she'll learn one day what she's doing.

Thank you once again!


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Review #41, by oldershouldknowbetter The One Where James Knocks Me Down

23rd January 2015:
So far I have selected an older story and a one shot. I wanted to review something that was probably closer to your heart at this moment; something more recently updated.

Looking around for something of yours to review and I find this – a girl who likes comics. Cool, I like comics so I think I’ll give this a go. I shall review as I go through it and not read ahead; so as to give my reviews the spontaneity of the first reading and not have subsequent knowledge spoiling them. Also I shall be forgoing my usual completely and utterly in-depth reviews for ones which are shorter but still pithy, to see if I can prove the old adage wrong that I must sacrifice quality for quantity.

I saw your little profile update singing my praises and it warmed the cockles of this old Santa’s heart, let me tell you. And with that clue and the multiple ones I left in the review of ‘What’s Up, Hugo’ you should no doubt divine my identity.

OK then: flexes fingers; cricks neck; let us begin:-


Review #1: the review which is the first one.


Abigail seems a nice, average sort of person. I love Rose (because of course Rose/Scorpius is the One True Pairing!), but she quite often seems to be written on some variation of the ‘super person’ her mother was. Abigail seems normal and it’s good to see that as a change from my usual fare.

The brother is a solid addition and the relationship between them is neither good nor bad – just the normal sort of relationship between siblings. The gentle teasing of the older brother is a nice touch of characterisation.

A Quidditch obsessed supposed best friend.

I like the comic book conceit; I’d really like to read some Wizard comic books they sound like a far more convenient version of the motion comics you can get on DVD, but even better.

The clash with James was done well. You have a free and easy writing style which is a pleasure to read, I’d only read your humour titles before so it is good you can write something more serious (though so far the drama is leavened with a healthy dose of light heartedness).

I like how friendly and nice you have made James – his character is usually friendly enough, but he’s sometimes not so nice and usually totally impressed with himself.

The use of first names is well done too. Unless they have a nick-name, quite often one will only call another person by their last names if they are a friend or an enemy – the use of a last name without an honorific can be more personal sometimes. It is obvious that they know of each other, as would anyone having spent the last five years in the same school together, but otherwise are virtual strangers.

We knew the last line was coming from the setup earlier, but it was superbly done and a delight to read.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm finally getting around to answering this amazing and lovely reviews from you!

Awww this story is my baby! I love it so much and I have so many plans, so I'm really happy that you decided to review it (I still can't believe that you reviewed so much of it! You're amazing for doing so)

I must write a longer Rose story one day, or at least feature her more in this story. I should add that to my notes.

Abigail and her brother get on a lot better now then when they were younger, but that's mainly because they barely spend any time together and have less time to bicker with each other. Of course he still teases her, he wouldn't be a good brother if he didn't. :P

They do sound more convenient! Less time reading, more time watching!

Awww thank you! I wanted to have James being a decent guy and not come off as a jerk or rude person who thinks he's the best thing in the world. I don't imagine Harry would have raised him that way, as for Albus... well, he's a totally different story in my stories. But we'll get to him later!

Thank you so much for the awesome review! Now to answer your next one! :D


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Review #42, by Jaye14 The One Where I Learn More About William

21st January 2015:
Love.. Love.. Love this story!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

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Review #43, by burli The One Where I Learn More About William

19th January 2015:
You're still there! Hooray! Thank you for the update. It always is a pleasure to read this story, because at the moment (and I sure hope it stays that way) it is really fluffy and chases away the bad weather and the cold, like (and please don't be mad for this bad analogy) a cup of hot cocoa after a dementor attack.
Anyway, great chap, as always :) I hope you'll update soon!
XOXO
M.

Author's Response: I am still here! Awww thank you so much! You are wonderful for saying such amazing things :D Don't you worry! Fluffyness is staying! Aw I love that analogy! That is a superawesome analogy!
Thank you so much! I'm working on the next update :D
x


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Review #44, by Guest The One With The End Of A Friendship

19th January 2015:
I NEED more Abigail and James. They are literally the cutest couple the world of fanfiction has seen. And the worst part is it's been two months since we got a new taste of them. Two months, of withdrawal from the beautiful friendship and love story that is Abigail and James. Therefore I asl (more beg of you) to please update soon. I've seen youre working on other stories but none of them have quite caught my attention like this one. Anyway please please please update soon because the longer o got with Abi and James the harder it is.

Author's Response: I am so so sorry for how long it's been! I will never let it get that long again. I'm so glad that you love this story so much and I love your review! I will update quicker this time! *hugs you*

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Review #45, by tesophia The One With The End Of A Friendship

30th December 2014:
Omg I love your story! I hope the next chapter soon will be up!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm working on the next chapter as we speak! :D

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Review #46, by ReeBee The One Where James Is A Dragon For The Day

12th December 2014:
Okay fine i wasn't expecting Michelle's apology :P But I'm still suspicious… she isn't that nice and doesn't seem like the type to change herself that quickly… though I may be wrong! only the coming chapters can tell ;)

Oh my god though the felsss!!! I feel like a more upbeat version of an Ed Sheeran song! And I think the monster is Rebecca :P Abigail is too cute, even with the jealousy! And she didnt do anything about the jealousy unlike Rebecca and the stupid grin at the end.

AND THE DRAGON THING IS SO CUTE!!! Like his childish yet amazing self confidence is to die for!!! And Abigail obviously really really loves that kind of stuff especially since there are hints that she wishes that she could have confidence like that!!! And maybe she will after hanging out some more (sque) with James!!!

THAT SHAMPOO BIT KILLED ME!!! I could picture it so vividly and the close proximity of him and his SMELL!!! And his warm breath on her skin it was all too much to handle!!! Ah!!! Man do you know how to write to get all readers feelings all up and excited and dying :P Like honestly its amazing!!! As a side night, i really cant imagine coconut shampoo and how it would smell.. like idk why but my imagination does not reach those lengths…

Cant wait for the next one!!!

Stay perfect and fabulous,
Curie :)

Author's Response: Fun fact: Always be suspicious of Michelle! She normally does things for a reason.

Awww that is quite a lot of feels to be compared with an Ed Sheeran song! Oh yes, the monster is so Rebecca. Oh Abigail! She keeps her feelings inside.

Haha would James be any other way? James is really good for Abigail's confidence.

:P hehehehe thank you!! *squishes you with all the hugs* You can't imagine coconut shampoo? I love that stuff so much! Smells like holidays in the sun haha

Thank you so much you are so amazing and perfect!


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Review #47, by ReeBee The One Where I Find Out Why James Was Up All Night

12th December 2014:
OHMYGOD GET READY FOR A RANT GIRL.

First of all, again i really really want to slap Michelle in the face with a huge and preferably extremely heavy chair!!! But then it makes me question the logistics of the situation as i wouldn't be able to life an extremely heavy chair :P

AND JAMES! Like how he knows that Abigail and Michelle's friendship is uber unhealthy maybe he'll have a chat with Abigail or confront her!!! Ah!! okay I'm predicting too much whoops :P AND THE HOLDING HAND!!! I squealed so bad!!! Like actually!!! I feel so excited and stupid at the same time :P I'm shipping them so bad its not even funny okay :P

COMICS OMG! JAMES!!! I LOVE HIM!!! AND SO DOES ABIGAIL!!! But i cant compare with Abigail on this one!! i love how much he obviously likes her and its really obvious even though its first person Abigail's POV and thats really really cute how he's willing to show his affection for her!! ahhh!!!

And Abigail is really easily walked over I'm scared that someone's going to take advantage of her!! How happy i was when she made that sarcastic snip at Michelle I died :))) Like go her!! I hope to see many many more of those!!!

AND HOW HE GOES 'UNLESS…' I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE LIKE 'UNLESS YOU HAVE A POSITION FOR BOYFRIEND' OMG I DIED WITH ANTICIPATION!!! But the hint! the overprotective boyfriend hint was so good! and i love how confused Abigail is and how that confusion is mostly because she herself is sure that James can never like her BUT HE DOES HE DOES ABIGAIL. OMG. IM SO HAPPY FOR EHR AND THIS RELATIONSHIP OMG.

ANYWAY. On to the next chapter.

Stay über perfect,
Curie :)

Author's Response: *Prepares for the rant*

YES! She does need the biggest slap Haha and yes with the chair!! Mmmm maybe we could use two light chairs?

James should have a chat, but he feels that it's not his place to make Abigail pick and choose her friends, he'll just be there to help her.

Damn right they held hands! :P Hahaha

They're both so oblivious to the others feelings! Or too scared to act on them.

She is, poor her :( Awww she is confused haha, she needs to realise that James likes her!

Thank you!! :D Stay wonderful and amazing!


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Review #48, by ReeBee The One With The Talent Show

12th December 2014:
OHMYGOD IM SO BEHING IM SORRY IM SORRY FORGIVE ME PLEASE

okay i forgot how good this was??? like after reading so many stories (even mine) about ideal characters with flaws that happen to ideal too, its so nice!!! ABIGAIL. AND MAIN PART OK JAMES. OMG. I FORGOT HOW AMAZING HE WAS. HE CAN FLIP!!! FLIP!!! THATS SO CUTE!!! And the way he treats Abigail is like death you had me fangirling through the WHOLE CHAPTER!!!LIKE IM NOT KIDDING. The way he treats her icanthandle.

And I'm still doubtful about Michelle… because she was sort of nice to Abigail when it comes to activities and stuff before too. but then she's really really witchy…

okay can we get back to James? I'm sorry this must be really really repetitive for you but I like really really cant deal because he is literally perfect!!! how he didnt force her to do the talent show!!! he's so considerate and i want them to get together so bad but i want you to drag it out so there are many more Jabigail moments!! Like seriously I'm so conflicted!!!

And the actual talent show sounds like heaps of fun!! Like i loved the Mr Sock and the muggle and ah. and i hope we see James' talent soon? More flips in the following chapters maybe?? Omg I'm excited!!!

I cant wait to get back into this story!!! So expect more reviews soon and sorry for being a terrible friend!! missed you heaps Tammi xx

-Curie

Author's Response: Of course I forgive you! *hugs* I understand and you're here now! :D

Aw thank you! Haha how could you forget all about James? Oh yes, James has many skills and hidden talents. Aw fangirling is good! :D

Oh Michelle... there are times I want to hurt her... which is all of the time. She is being very witchy!

We can get back to James :D It's never repetitive, I love hearing it! James really cares for Abigail, bless him. I just want to hug them both so tightly!

James' talents will have to make more of an appearance definitely!

Aww you could never be a terrible friend! *squishes yo uever so tightly*

Thank you so much Curie!


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Review #49, by potterfan310 The One With The End Of A Friendship

3rd December 2014:
Hi!

The chapter title :O

I LOVE Abi and her comic book, I kind of hope that maybe she does show it to James one day.

Isabella I just love her, she is such a great character and friend to Abi. To me she needs to shove Michelle out of the way and become Abi's best friend because the two of them are great! She is just brilliant and I love that she went and shouted at James (and William) for Abi, haha.

Wait what!?

TAMMI YOU SNEAKY, SNEAKY PERSON!!! OH MY GOD WHAT!?!!

Ahhh I'm so proud of Abi for kicking Michelle to the kerb and giving her a good old telling off. I seriously thought the chapter title was to do with James, not her :O But I'm glad.

William and Isabella, do I spy a relationship of some sorts forming between them. Hmmm...?

JAMES BABY ♥♥ I knew he wouldn't hurt Abi and that he likes her *Happy Dance* He is so cute and adorkable ♥

THE SMILE ON MY FACE RIGHT NOW!! ASDFGHJKL.

AT LAST JABI IS HAPPENING! :D

I AM SO EXCITED AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW!

I Cannot wait for the next because oh my god James and Abi happened, am I dreaming??

THIS CHAPTER JUST, I CAN'T. SO exciting, I think this is my new favourite chapter :)

-Potterfan310
Sophie x ♥

Author's Response: Hey! I know! The chapter title could have been shown as being evil :P

She's going to show James her comic, don't you worry :P

I'm glad that Abigail has Isabella too, she's going to tell Michelle exactly what she thinks soon enough, so stay tuned!

Haha yes, yes I am sneaky :P And Michelle has finally got what she deserves! She's so evil and mean.

Oh William and Isabella, I have so many plans for them. :

Nope, James would never hurt her *joins happy dance*

JABI IS HAPPENING!!!

Thank you so much Sophie!!


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Review #50, by Joanna The One With The End Of A Friendship

16th November 2014:
YAYAYAY!!! Eeep! I'm so happy right now! That was perfect!!!

Author's Response: YAY!!! I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE HAPPY! YOU'RE PERFECT!!! *hugs you tightly*

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