eeeewwww harry and hermione having sex....

Author's Response: I know right?

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I'm incredibly confused, but shall carry on reading to try and work out what went on...

Author's Response: I'm sorry. This one isn't as well written as the other.

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Awesome!

Author's Response: BOOYAH!

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hee hee! Good job. I wish I had more to say but I've already covered description (quite thoroughly) and well I dunno there wasn't anything to pick at really. So here we go. I will finally give you an all nice review with no put downs.

"What kind of sick bookstore is this!" that made me laugh. So did the title of the book Harry was refering to. lol.

"So you slept with her..." He heard a voice say. his heart jumped as he spun around.
"How was it?" Seamus asked.
"Sweet jesus..." lol! that line is a classic.

I happen to think that the characterization of your characters is excellent. They're not exactly canon, but in your story the characters are all grown up and you know... people change. Somehow you make the characters believeable even though they aren't canon. Does that make sense?

Well I'm done here. Do you feel special? You should.

Author's Response: I placed the Story around 2006 so I could actually do more mature jokes, because non of this would have been canon had I done this during the Hogwarts Era. I'm glad you enjoy the first one as much as I don't, though.

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Yay! Potzer is in this chapter! I don't know if I've said this before but Potzer's one of the best OCs I've read about on fan fiction.

"He heard her say again. He then heard footsteps coming out of the elevator. He waited until they were gone to step out. He put his foot in the elevator door and stuck is wand in. He wanted to... " Don't use "He" to start a sentance four times in a row. Try "Ginny said again. The sound of footsteps broke the silence following Ginny's soft voice. Harry waited until the footsteps ceased and then stuck his foot in the elevator door, firmly gripping his wand. He wanted to..."

Yeah I might have gone overboard but you know, the point is don't use the same start for a sentance over and over. Sorry but it doesn't have a good ring to it. Anyway, this was really funny. When you first put the warning about race I was worried you would slip an "N" bomb and I was gonna get mad at you. I'm glad you didn't. :D

I read a few of the other reviews you've gotten for this story. Some people are so mean. You can go to the review deletion request thread in the forums and get rid of them. On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like him. I feature him prominently in the third.. and fourth stories. He becomes a lot more crude, which can be fun because I put him in chapters with Hermione a lot..... I just love the two of them interacting. As for the bad reviews... I actually find them humorous, and every bad review I've gotten gets a comeupance(?) in my 3rd story.

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lol! I liked that "I've already eaten twice!" line.


For some reason I found this one easier to follow than the other chapters I've read. (both a compliment and a put down...sorry) Except I got a little lost while reading that last paragraph. Maybe try putting more "Harry said. Ron replied" etc.


I'm sorry if I'm getting mean. I'll stop pestering you about the description thing (I know what your thinking, "God she's said it enough") but I think it would really help if you would take the above advice.


I also have to add that I like how you keep your chapters short and snappy. (By the way, you can add description and keep it short) Like I said before, you have a point and you know how to get it across. Good job. On to the next chapter.

Author's Response: The "Harry said" "Ron Replied" stuff probably won't happen anytime soon. Whenever I get into straigth dialogue it's usually just a straight conversatioon between two people. When they get long I throw in a "said" to help the reader out.

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omg, this was like really good! i like, loved it, like, alot. lol.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. Like I believe I said TWICE the sequel is around here somewhere... I think it's funny, but I haven't gotten anyone's real opinion on it yet. But thank you!

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this story is so random....I LOVE IT!!! and u gota say beanery is a funny word!!!!! lol I remember having an experience in bookstore like harry...everywere I turned there were really weird books about sex..lol...and we found this old granny reading one of them

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I had stopped looking at this thing for reviews but.... Low and behold.... I finished all three of the stories but stopped posting them because.... I don't know really. The first chapter of the sequel is up somewhere around here...

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Weird

Author's Response: I know, huh?

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I have NEVER.... EVER.... NEVER...EVER... NERVER...NERVER NAVVER... NEVER...FERNER...NERVERFERNER.... YOUR STROY STINKS!!

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this isn't even close to being original, it sucked and was really hard to follow. you said you didn't want to ruin that which is r/h but you did.

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review, you get a prize package of a sample of tempurpedic pillow material and a shirt that says "Official Booty Inspector" That shirt is a riot! Now let me ruin things in peace.

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this story wasnt well written at all, but if it had been, it would have been even funnier. you should get a beta. this story was hilarious.

Author's Response: Well written like how? I want to improve... And yes I'm looking into this so called "Beta"

Author's Response: correction: Wasn't well written like how?

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Snoochy Booches! I love it! I would have like to see Potzer ask fred and george "Do you guys want to throw some pies?" and they reply withe a sarcastic "Who are you talking too?" But I LOVE it! Are you done or is there more?

Author's Response: I;m done with 1 and 2.... It stops being just Mallrats and floods into other cult movies and tv shows and books and.... You get th idea... Thery're all practically done NO TURNIN BACK

Author's Response: Chapter 8 is validating. And I have the sequel ready.

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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!! EVEN IF IT IS FINISHED I DONT CARE IT IS TOO GOOD!!!

Author's Response: Breath in... Breath out.... Ok... Don't worry I just submitted the last chapter. And, I am fixing up the sequel..... BRAGGA YAGGA I DON'T KNOW WHY WE'RE YELLING!!!

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Okay dokay then...

Author's Response: Shouldn't it be oky Doky?

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LOVE Kevin smith movies! LOVE mall rats! LOVE your story! I was sad however not to see Fred and George as Jay and silent Bob. I couls also see Neville trying to look at the magic eye poster on not seeing it. LOVE IT! POST MORE SOON!

Author's Response: That would have been two obvious. I'm trying to write a somewhat original story. I like this story the most because it's allowing me to display my nerdiness through quotes and whatnot.

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Hey, it's cool. But, are you going to continue it? Please do!!

Author's Response: It's all finished, I just don't want to overwhelm any one so I'm going pretty slow.... But I am working on the sequel! Woohoo singing undersea leprauchans!!

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this is a really good story! i really want to find out more plllleeeeaaasssee write more! do u hav any other stories that i havnt read yet? if so could u plz tell me the name of it coz i would luv 2 read more of ur stories!

Author's Response: thank you, a lot. You're the best reviewer yet, it took me this long to reply... Thanks!

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this is a really good story! please write more it has really got me interested! i am in the middle of writing a funny story and i was wondering if you could give me a couple of tips on how to make a good story! sorry that probabally sounds really corny! cant wait to read more!

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