Oh my goodness! Wet dog! Is it possible that underneath their platonic friendship, Elsa has a subconscious thing for Sirius? I wonder what Sirius was thinking when she announced that she smelled wet dog in the Amortentia. I would imagine that James, if he made the connection, would have had a mightily difficult time suppressing a snigger. But the fact that Sirius went up and talked to her after class is a positive sign - if he suspects that he's the reason why she smelled wet dog, then at least he's still being friendly. Then again I could be way off-base and it's not romantic at all, and it's just a facet of platonic love. And even though I'm not sure how likable he is, I'm sort of interested in Damon. I'm eager to learn more about him, and why he is still relentlessly pursuing a girl who makes it very clear that she wants nothing to do with him. Because my, that would be a stab to the ego to be rejected so much.
Also, I'd like to mention one of my favorite lines:
Love was not something you could bottle and sell. It was something you had to work at.
I really liked that. :) Excellent chapter! Report Review
This chapter made it all very well about what will happen to Damon if he fails again. It makes me incredibly morose over the whole thing. I don't want to say good-bye to Damon as a character, he's just too lovable and AHHH, I love him. :'(
But despite the sadness I felt, I really did like this chapter. You did a good job with the pace and keeping the suspense mounted while revealing bits at a time and still holding back to release the rest at a later time. You do suspense really well. And I loved the happy moments we got to see of Damon and Elsa in this chapter, too. Over all, lovely chapter, Len! :) Report Review
Hi, it's Sarah from TGS's review exchange. ^ ^ I really like the air of mystery here, and it has me wondering exactly what Elsa has gotten herself involved in, and why she's starting to think about her death. Does she fear the Death Eaters? Has she been swindled into becoming a Death Eater herself? It doesn't seem so, as she appears to be very firmly set against her lot and people like her brother, so I'm very curious.
Sirius was so sweet here. I like thinking that while his parents and Elsa's parents and all those other rotten purebloods were congregating, Sirius had someone decent to talk to. I like thinking that he and Elsa sort of saved each other - helping each other cope and keep their good sense despite being surrounded by such evil influences.
This chapter was well-written and enjoyable. Well done! Report Review
This chapter was so sad, I actually eflt my eyes start to water a bit when Evander passed on. The scene was that powerful and I applaud you on writing it as beautiful and forceful as you did. And then Elsa is being stubborn again and blaming not only You-Know-Who but also Dumbledore. I like that Sirius, Remus, and Cordie seem to be taking it in turns to talk some sense into her. But somehow I can't see Elsa settling down over this for a while, she is really upset over the death of her father (as she should be) and is looking for someone to blame and punish. It's the Slytherin trait in her that is wanting to push its way out of her, it's got to be. Anyway, lovely chapter, Len. :D Report Review
This story is amazing. Please please please write your sequel soon!!! Report Review
YES! IT LET ME REVIEW MORE THAN TWO SENTENCES!
What a beautiful way to tie up this story. This epilogue was wonderful and beautiful. It was such a great way to conclude a wonderful story. It deserved a big ending and way to go out like this. Now you only have me dying more for the sequel.
I absolutely can't wait for it and I can't wait to see what you will do with it. :) I love how you had it be just Elsa in the beginning and reminiscing with all that, but then how you tied it up there at the end was just perfect.
I couldn't have asked for anything better. I loved the whole sense of unity they all had as it tied up.
And gah, there at the end it just felt so odd that they still have another year at Hogwarts! Wow, so much happened during their sixth, and now I can't wait to see what you have in store for their seventh.
Len, I love it so much!! You're amazing! ILY!
Drue Report Review
This is an earlier chapter than I meant to review (as you wanted the later ones done) but I wanted to comment on how fantastic it was. I haven't read too closely the chapters before they went to Egypt, so I can't say much about the mechanics of your story, but the overall development of plot and character is extremely well-done. Not that I'm surprised, knowing how good you are at writing, but this is the first OC-focused Marauder story I've read in a long time, and it's not like any of the others I used to read. It's unique and exciting and intensely interesting to read. You include Sirius, but not romantically, and I really like that - it makes this story very refreshing, especially since other authors would make Elsa fall for Sirius, break her engagement, and tragically love Sirius against the wishes of her family. But no, you do something different - you make Elsa's relationship with Damon more complex. That's partially why I had to review this chapter, because I'm now glued to the screen, wondering what happened to him, whether he'll make it through. So much suspense! :O
The characters in this story are very realistic, and it's great that you chose to explore the purebloods more closely, showing how their family relationships work, how fine a line Elsa has to tread. Her brother is a terrifying figure, and while I can see why their parents would want to disguise that as much as possible to retain their family's status, I wonder how they could have had such a son - the Yaxley's don't seem that radical a family, not like the Blacks. But the young Yaxley will make a perfect Death Eater - that much is certain. Damon, though, not so much. He really wants Elsa to love him, and that's what makes me like him; he genuinely cares for her.
And the setting! It was a great treat to see you move the setting away from Hogwarts and to Egypt. Not enough stories take place in Egypt, and you evoke the atmosphere and setting well. The focus is, however, on your characters, which I'm sure helps with the history and geographical issues. ;) But I didn't see any glaring historical errors, not that I know much about Egypt during the 1970s. But having this exotic location added to the pureblood culture, showing that they spare no expense, etc.
So I'll keep reading and comment when something comes to mind - it's a weird feeling to not be reviewing every chapter, but hopefully this will mean I can actually finish the story. :P Excellent work on writing such a high-quality Marauder-era story. You give me hope for this era, once my favourite, and that's something that few authors have been able to do. ^_^Author's Response: Susan,
The whole reason I started this fic was because I wanted to explore the marauders era in a way that wasn't cliche. I wanted the relationship between Sirius and Elsa to be different. Not one of pure romance. Yes, this is a Sirius/OC fic, but only very very mildly. The main focus is on Elsa and Damon, with the slightest bit of Sirius/Elsa added in. They are friends above all else.
Dominic is quite terrifying. He frightens me and I created him. But, when I thought about the Yaxleys and how one of them was a death eater, I wanted to explore another part of our world that doesn't often come up in fanfiction: mental illness. While no one really says that Dominic has any mental instability, it is there.
While Damon has always been meant to contrast Dominic. While still raised as a pureblood, he doesn't necessarily wish to follow in his family's footsteps. Believing in the same beliefs but not being evil.
This part of the novel, the part set in Egypt, has always been my favourite. While I haven't a clue about what was going on in the 70s in Egypt, I have had a fondness for the country for a very long time.
I'm glad this gives you some hope in regards to marauder era stories, as there are too few well written ones out there. I hope the rest of the novel continues to spur on that hope.
Thanks so much for the lovely review. Report Review
I just absolutely loved this story. It was a nice change from the fluff I normally read. I think you have tremendous talent. You're style is very nice, and your characterizations are amazing. I do hope that you continue with Elsa's story. I'll be keeping my eye out ;)
xCeceliaAuthor's Response: Don't you worry, there is a sequel planned, I just probably won't get to writing it until around December. But, I promise it will come. There is so much left to tell about Elsa and her friends.
Thanks so much for reading this and enjoying it as well. Report Review
Oh my.I can't believe it's over! It was so good, Len! And the epilogue was the perfect length in my opinion and just perfect all around. Brilliant story and I can't wait for the sequel! Report Review
Wow, brilliantly done Len. I know how hard this was for you to write but you did fantastic. I didn't even like him all that much and you had me tearing up while reading this. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Report Review
Oh, Len. Oh my god, honey.
This is so sad. Heart wrenching. But one of the best, most gripping, most emotional, and most well written scenes I have ever read. I can't believe he's dead; it's so sad, but I understand why you did it. I know he had to.
I'm crying. You've got to know that. You did it beautifully. I know you stressed over it a lot, but oh my goodness, you have nothing to worry about over this chapter now. You reached perfection with it.
Beautiful job. I loved it even though its so sad and I love Damon. Report Review
I love this story (but you already knew that) and how you develop a number of your character's traits in it. Even ones that we haven't met yet you do a very good job of telling us about them and their personalities/views.
There's some slight spelling/grammar errors and you tend to change between past and present tense a number of times. (Something I do a lot too)
The relationship between Elsa and Sirius is wonderfully defined for this chapter.
Great story Len!
-Mikayla Report Review
I liked this chapter a lot and how you showed that while Elsa is pretty good at Quiditch she has good reason not to play. And the match was fun too. The second years winning was great, though I wouldn't doubt the sixth years did hold back a bit on the younger students. Another great chapter!
~Lily Report Review
Oh wow...I'd love to know what happened over the summer that her brother is trying to kill her in front of a class full of students and a teacher! Why does he hate her so much? I love the relationship between Sirius and Elsa though. And this seems to be a great story in the making :) I can't wait to get to the rest of it!
~Lily Report Review
LEN! WONDERFUL CHAPTER!
Yeah! Go Elsa! Ah it was so good. You wrote such an awesome Quidditch sequence. I loved it all. So good.
I am holding out for this up coming event. So nervous for it, but you're putting good time into all of it. It's going to be hard to adjust, but you're leading up to it awesomely. :)
I want to see some Elsa/Damon bonding time. :)
And gah. What an ending to the chapter. Sirius is being fantastic and is adjusting well to it all. He knows whats best for Elsa, and he wants her to have whats best. Meaning he knows Damon makes Elsa happy, and putting his love aside for her to help try and save Damon is so touching.
Gosh, brilliant job. :)
I hope to see the next chapter soon, Len! :) Report Review
This chapter was so, so sad. :( But at the same time it was one of my favorites, I think.
This chapter really reinforced the fact that Elsa grew up in a family that was deep into the Dark Arts. Elsa is very different from her family, but not in the same way that Sirius is. The fact that she thought of using Dark Arts to bring her father back was such a strong indicator of the way she was raised. She has not turned her back on her family the way Sirius has.
I like that Elsa and Sirius are so different yet still friends. Both have realized that the other will never change their ways, yet they love each other. It's so real, so human. I love it. This was such a great chapter! And Remus and Cordelia? Aww!!! Can't wait to read the next! :) Report Review
Len, you are brilliant at writing Quidditch matches. Had to let you know that. And Dominic is being, well, Dominic. And she punched him! About time someone did. :P Aww! She still loves him! Report Review
You picked Sean Bean because he's going to die? Isn't he? He always does. Maybe he's going to betray someone! Anyway, I really enjoy your story and it's very well written.Author's Response: Umm...actually I picked Sean Bean because he is one of my favourite actors and I think he happens to suit the character. There aren't many other reasons that I chose him. Thanks for the review though. Report Review
Archive does not like me. Won't let me stay signed in...
Anyway, I'm slowly catching up! As I have already told you, this is one of my favorite fan fictions. It's so difficult to find non-cliche Marauder stories, especially ones that are this long, and I love every aspect of this one.
The characters are three dimensional and realistic and I feel as if I know them. Some I hate, some I love. Dominic is evil and twisted and I'm sure I'd be getting in a long queue of people wanting to kill him. I adore Sirius in this, as you already know, and I really want him and Elsa to wind up together. But at the same time, Damon is also so sweet and he'd be good for Elsa as well.
I have a love-hate relationship with Evander. I hate him for getting in with Voldemort but at the same time I love him for the devotion and love he has for Elsa. The memories that he gave Elsa were heartbreaking. He has so much love for her and will do anything to protect her.
And Remus. I do love when you include Remus in this. I very much look forward to any parts with Remus just because he is adorable and my favorite character ever. Your other characters are all wonderful as well, but it would take me all night to type out what exactly I like about each of them.
I adore the plot. There's always something exciting happening and I find myself on the edge of my seat during most of it. This chapter was especially intense. I was so nervous when they were trapped, probably because I'm very claustrophobic and would have freaked out even more than Elsa did.
And Damon! He's so hurt. I can't really say much as you've already told me his fate and I don't want to spoil anyone who might read this review.
I love Sirius even more for telling Elsa that he would still be friends with her if she chose Damon. Although it does break my heart to think about him being on the side while the two of them are together. Wonderful chapter. Wonderful story. I shall read the next two chapters soon and then I'll be caught up! :) Report Review
AH! LEN! Such a good chapter.
Oh my gosh, I love it so much. It's fantastic and I'm so worried for Damon, but I love it. :) This is so good.
I finally got to see that kiss you showed me in skype on HPFF! It was so good to read it here, and I know you didn't plan it, but I think it's perfect. I absolutely love that.
And Damon. Gah. I can't wait to see how it all goes down. :)
I love it, Len! And I love you! :) Report Review
Kinda sucks that she couldn't go to his funeral because of Death Eaters. Stupid Death Eaters. And Damon is up and walking again (totally ignoring that scene in the Hall. While it was sweet I would rather it have been with someone other then Damon) and the village has been rebuilt. Yay! Uh-oh. Evil Egypt dude. Not good. And so the clock begins ticking for him.Author's Response: I know. I know. One day soon, you'll get what you want. Until then, I'm sorry for any discomfort Damon brings.
Yes the Egypt dude is back. I did say Egypt was important, did I not? Glad you enjoyed it, Lee! Report Review
Hey Len! I'm here with your requested review!
Let me tell you, for having only read a handful of chapters of this story, I'm addicted. Especially after this chapter. Maybe it's because there's a certain air of mystery to it, but it's brilliant. Elsa is such a brilliantly strong yet incredibly human OC. It's so refreshing to see that!
The passage of time at the beginning of the chapter was paced amazingly. I thought you had just enough; you didn't go overboard nor did you gloss over it. It was lovely.
The thing that impressed me the most, however, was how natural the dialogue was. The flow to each conversation is just stunning; it doesn't feel forced at any point. But my favorite part is what the characters don't say rather what they do. There's a certain subtlety to the way you write their interactions with each other. It really brings the story to life.
Also, comparing this Damon to the one I know from early chapters, ugh, he's great. I think I might love him now. Just might. No definitive declarations shall be made yet. :P
This was great, Len! You're such a fantastic writer! Feel free to come back and request more reviews for this story. I'd be more than happy to get to them.Author's Response: So apparently, I wrote a response to this and it got eaten. So I'm going to write it again.
Molly, you have no idea how much this review means to me. Knowing you like my fic leaves such an amazing feeling behind. Especially because you are such an awesome writer yourself. And being complimented by you is just...wow.
I'm so glad you like Elsa as a character. She is so much fun to write for.
As for the dialogue...dialogue isn't usually my strongest suit. In fact, I often struggle with it sounding natural. But, knowing you think it sounds natural is amazing. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm glad you think it does :D
Hehe Damon...why does everyone love him? I haven't figured that out yet. I'm glad you like him.
Thanks, Molly for the awesome review. Report Review
Poor Elsa! Her brother really is a demon isn't he? How sad :( They're twins! I feel sorry for Elsa.
I find it interesting that Elsa is so good at theory and awful at practical. I like that facet of her character. I imagine it causes her no end of frustration. It would me!
Her relationship with Sirius is so sweet. He's more than a brother and yet she insists there's no romantic feelings there. Is there? Because they would be quite sweet together I think.
Great chapter Len. I hope you request more reviews from me, I'd love to read more of this story. :)
ShilohAuthor's Response: Yes, they are twins, but I imagine that once in a while twins don't get along.
I'm usually good at practical but not good a theory. So I figured that it could also be reversed. Some people are just better at theory.
thanks for the lovely review, Shiloh! Report Review
Wet dog :D Lol. Bit icky, that is.
Another lovely chapter dear. I like the interaction between Elsa and her friends, especially Cordelia. And her musings about people and the house they were sorted into.
Ah Potions, perhaps my favourite subject to read about. It's always so interesting :D And Amortentia! So many possibilities with that one.
Great chapter Len!
ShilohAuthor's Response: I'm not sure I'd like to smell wet dog either.
Thanks so much for the lovely review, Shiloh. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Report Review
Hello Len! I'm here with your review :)
What a great beginning! I'm really looking forward to reading more.
You set up the relationship between Elsa and Sirius, and both their characters, so well. I can just tell I'm going to love them.
And this supposedly yummy Damon, I'm looking forward to drooling over him :P
ShilohAuthor's Response: Oh no! Another Damon lover (or at least, perhaps a soon to be Damon lover)! I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter, Shiloh. I wanted to se t up the relationship between Sirius and Elsa right from the get go.
Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
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