58 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Sado The Sorting

23rd March 2014:
Scorpius Malfoy in Griffyndor, James Potter in Slytherin... An interesting start. But I don't understand one thing: how is it that Albus and James are of the same age (they got sorted together)??? Anyway, I have the feeling that I will like this story (as many others) and you did a good job on the chapter!!

-Sado

Author's Response: HI, glad you liked this one. Albus and James being in the same year was a mistake I made. I will change it. Thank you so much for all these wonderful reviews!
HEG :)


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Review #27, by Shriya64 Sapphire of Slytherin

17th March 2014:
Sad.but well written.
Only one thing,you haven't gotten Albus character quite right.
Here he's portrayed as a leader, a responsibility taker bur Rowling says that he is more of a shy, introvert type of guy.
However if you disregard Rowling this is an utterly awesome fic.

Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm glad you liked it. Sorry I hadn't gotten Albus character quite right, it was one of my first fanfictions and I hadn't had much experience of the different personalities.
Thans again, this review really made my day.
HEG ;)


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Review #28, by BrianM157 Sapphire of Slytherin

8th February 2014:
Abrupt ending to say the least but an enjoyable read shame about ending in my opinion you could of extended the ending that was a bit of a let down to me though.
Brian

Author's Response: Thanks for the review BrianM157. I love hearing the different people's opinion.
It was a rather abrupt ending but I thought that might make it a bit of a cliff hanger. After taking your thoughts into account, I might change it and I will remember in my future books.
Thanks for your constructive criticism - it really helped,
HEG :)


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Review #29, by A.J Potter The Sorting

8th February 2014:
Interesting take on the story.

Author's Response: Thanks for your unexpected review. I hope you continue to like the story and if you did not like it in the first place then I hope that you start to like it more. It's nice to hear other people's opinions on the story so I'm glad that you gave a review.

If you like this story then maybe you could try out the second book which is called Albus Potter and the Lost Riddle.

I'm glad you think that my story is interesting.
Thanks again,

HEG :)


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Review #30, by MargaretLane Sapphire of Slytherin

7th February 2014:
I sort of like the fact that both Albus and Cho are nervous and both are trying to hide it from the other.

Yikes, I really didn't expect this ending. There has to be something more to it, because I know there's a sequel, so he can't be truly dead. I knew from its summary that something would "kill" him, but I assumed he would be revived before this story ended or at least, we would get some indication he might not really be dead. It's hard to figure out how he'll survive this. I guess that's one way of getting us to read on. What a cliff-hanger!

And it's rather ironic that Albus wanted to find the very thing she would use to kill him. Made her job a little easier.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

I didn't think anyone would expect the end in unless they have read the summary for book two. I thought it would be a real cliff hanger and people would be like "oh!" He has died! What is going to happen next?

I agree with you and I do think that Cho's way of killing albus is very sneaky and cruel.


Thanks again
HEG
:)


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Review #31, by MargaretLane Victor Dibble

7th February 2014:
Hmm, Victor Dibble, Emma Krum...I wonder if there's a connection.

And what looks like German. I don't suppose Viktor Krum would speak German and yet...it does mean this Viktor isn't English.

Ooh, that line about Victor Dibble watching his every move is creepy.

And I wonder what Scorpius is hiding. Like I said, I don't think he's a villain, but I don't know what else there could be.

"Nowhere" should also be one word.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review :)
In stories I like to try and predict what will happen next. I also like things that send a shiver down your spine and scary stuff! Scorpious is acting a bit mysterious isn't he? I mean he is supposed to be album's best fiend but h is acting weird.




THANKS VERY MUCCH FROM
HEG :)


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Review #32, by MargaretLane Familiar

7th February 2014:
*laughs at Rose rejecting any ideas she can think of because they'd break the rules* She is really her mother's daughter.

*laughs at Albus feeling nervous about crossing Slano's path* That reminds me of my Albus being nervous about facing Blackburn after she sort of freaked out that time. At least Slano had some reason to punish them.

I see Slano's point. It's not really fair if he has an advantage over the other students just because his parents bought him something.

She shouldn't just take their word for it like that. Somebody who only half-knew how to fly could claim they knew and then get into trouble. She doesn't appear to care too much.

And it's a bit unfair to be so judgmental about those who haven't flown. After all, the Muggleborns haven't exactly had much opportunity. I can see why she made a bad impression on them.

"Himself" should all be one word.

That's weird - that she'd tell him she wanted him to stay behind, then tell him to go. She's definitely hiding something, but what, I don't know.

And hmm, he recognises her eyes. Could she be Cho Chang in disguise, I wonder? Or could she be related to somebody he knows?

Author's Response: Thank you again for your review.
I thought that too when I wrote it. Rose clearly takes after Hermione but perhaps not AS studious. I thought that I would say about Alamo having something scary and mysterious about her. I'm glad that you liked it. Yes I didn't know which was more fair when I wrote it. Slano or Albus. I tried to make it quite even. But I also see album's point of view that he wanted to ride his own broomstick.

Yes I tried to make it a bit like she didn't know her stuff - sort of like a supply teacher. She is very mean.

I'll correct 'himself'

You'll have to wait and see!

Thank you again
HEG

:)


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Review #33, by MargaretLane The Letter

7th February 2014:
Hmm, I wonder who Emma Krum is. I'm guessing she's related to Viktor Krum and she must be at least 27 if she was 8 when Voldemort was alive. Possibly much more as we don't know this happened at the end of his life. She could be anything between 27 and about...I don't know, 56? Voldemort's first reign of terror began about 1970, so if it was early on, she could have been born in the early 60s. I rather doubt that though. I've a feeling this happened later on; I don't know why.

Anyway, it doesn't exactly give much to go on. She could even be one of the teachers. If she was married, she could have changed her name. And I don't think you've mentioned any of your teachers' first names. Or she could be dead. So many possibilities.

Author's Response: I thought that you'd think it was Viktor's daughter. I think that this is quite an interesting chapter. I wonder what you'll think when you find out! Because there ARE so.many possibilities. She could be any thing. Literally. She could even be say. a Muggle I'm not saying she is though!

Any way thanks a lot. I love your reviews.

HEG :)


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Review #34, by MargaretLane Potions

7th February 2014:
Oh and I didn't mention this in my last review, but I would NEVER have expected Albus to end up at his own home.

Oooh, a new teacher. I love "meeting" new teachers and seeing how they are portrayed.

LOVE the fact that although Draco seems to have changed in many ways, he still looks down on Hagrid. It makes him a deeper character to have him neither exactly the same as he was as a teen nor changed completely.

Yikes, Polyjuice is a difficult potion to teach first years. Especially in a first class. This teacher seems to have high expectations.

*laughs at McGonagall's reaction to Albus saying the teacher was getting on his nerves* I'd imagine a headmistress would be fairly shocked at a student speaking about a teacher that way.

Seems like McGonagall is somewhat sympathetic. At the very least, she doesn't punish Albus. Fair play to her for listening to his side.

Author's Response: Hi.
Thank you very very very much for that great review. I thought it would be a good idea for Albus not to go back to Hogwarts but to somewhere else which he knows well. I also thought that it would be a good way for Harry and Ginny to find out about Albus's adventures rather than through a letter. I'm glad that you didn't know that would happen because that was my aim.

I also like it when new teachers are introduced because sometimes people just stick with the old ones and don't add any. I like the way in your story that you have a new teacher called Balckburn who is quite mysterious like Professor Slano. I also like inventing personalities for the different characters.

I also thought that if I put the Polyjuice potion as the subject then it would sort of show that Drame is very expectant and strict rather that doing easy subjects such as like shrinking plants. In the second book Drame is also featured quite a bit.

Yes I didn't think that McGonnagall would take Drame's side in the Harry Potter books. He is like a typical nasty Slytherin!

Thanks again,

HEG

:-)


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Review #35, by MargaretLane The Escape

7th February 2014:
*grins* Well, there was a reference to Lily and Hugo discussing what houses they'd be in when they finally get to Hogwarts, so I think a lot of people have guessed him to be around Lily's age. I don't think his age has been officially clarified though.

And isn't it so hard to write summaries for sequels without giving stuff away. I have all the pronouns as "they" in the summary for The Rise of the A.W.L. so as not to reduce the number of suspects or anything.

Love the line, "the trees were like soldiers, guarding him."

Hmm, it sounds like Cho isn't as bad as she initially seemed. She doesn't want to harm Albus anyway, but she believes more people will die if he doesn't. That's intriguing.

Putting "something could have just snapped in her" on a separate line to what Harry says beforehand makes it a bit confusing. It sounds as if it's somebody else speaking. It would be better to put it directly afterwards. And there should also be a full stop/period after "said Harry."

Author's Response: Thanks for your wonderful review

Yes I think I'll check how old the people in the book are and maybe change it. I didn't think that it mentioned his age though, I guess people just have to make it up.

I find that as well. It is hard to write the summaries without giving anything away. I didn't really want anyone to even look at Albus Potter and the Lost Riddle if they have not read the Sapphire of Slytherin because it will give the whole plot away. Especially the first sentence 'Albus has just died' .

I liked that line too. It's a simile.

Yes that was Ying who was telling her to do bad. I made her sound very bad so it was suspicious by when you get to know her with the 'flashback' you get a different opinion.

Yes that mistake where I put the speech on the wrong line will be corrected. I have already corrected my other chapters with a few of the fab suggestions that you made and they are just waiting to be validated. In the meantime viewers will just have to read the old versions.

I am trying to keep all my stories as recently updated as possible because that way people don't have to wait.

Thanks for your support
From,
HEG
:-)


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Review #36, by MargaretLane Riddle House

7th February 2014:
Again a very intriguing chapter title. You are good at coming up with titles likely to create suspense and make people wonder what the chapter will be about. I've a feeling the Riddle House isn't likely to be a good place to be.

Perhaps the Sapphire of Slytherin is there. But then, if Voldemort had access to that, he'd have made a Horcrux out of it. And I doubt his Muggle family would have had access to it if he didn't. Or maybe they would. Maybe Morfin gave it to Tom Riddle as a gift, a token of her love. Or maybe it is a Horcrux and Voldemort isn't completely dead. So many possibilities.

It sounds as if there is something missing at the beginning of this chapter. I think the last chapter ends with somebody calling "Albus Severus Potter" and then this one begins with him responding to some mention of Riddle House, but I haven't heard any mention of it. It sounds like whatever was said to him is missing. Maybe you meant it to be confusing.

I'm now not sure whether to trust Cho or not. It's possible she suspects Scorpius, possibly even with good reason and is truly trying to protect Albus, but it's also possible she's involved with whoever the villains here are.

The line about "not only guarding the dangers of Sirius Black" should really have a "from" between the word "guarding" and the word "the".

*cheers for him managing to escape*

And poor Albus, he shouldn't blame himself. He'd no way of knowing Cho wasn't to be trusted.

Author's Response: hello again.
I'm sure that you remember Cho as a really nice character in the Harry Potter books but in this story she is portraited as a villan but she might or might not have an explanation.

So you have read past the bit where he escapes? Yes there are so many possibilities.

Probably my favorite chapter is "the letter" it's really interesting and you want to know what will happen. I wonder what you'll think of it.

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes that I have made I will change them today; now

From HEG
:-)



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Review #37, by MargaretLane Parseltongue

7th February 2014:
Hmm, the title of this chapter is intriguing.

And I wonder if Scorpius is telling the truth about where he was or not. Albus doesn't know him very well, after all. I think he'd be as well off to be a little wary and not take what Scorpius says at face value yet. I don't think Scorpius is a villain. His comment about his father being grateful to Harry for saving him and hating the pureblood ideology now as a result of how Voldemort treated his family makes sense and I don't think his son would turn to evil after that. But I do think he might be hiding something.

Unless of course it was really the elf you wanted to introduce in the last chapter and you just had Scorpius take off to Quidditch practice to get us wondering about that, thereby not thinking how very weird it was to have the elf randomly appear on Albus's bed for what was apparently no particular reason.

"Professor Slano's" should have capital letters for the "P" on "Professor" and the "S" on "Slano" and should also have an apostrophe before the last "s."

I'm rather amused at them taking the class and can see why the teachers would be mad. It's pretty cheeky after all.

Again though, I think you have rushed things a little. They just seem to jump from being on the pitch to being in Slano's office. It would be nice to see a bit more of the teacher's arrival, get an impression of what she's like and a little more of the conversation she has with Albus, Scorpius and Hugo before we hear they got a detention.

Hmm, I wonder what the Sapphire of Slytherin is and why everybody is so concerned about it. I know McGonagall said it was something evil, but that doesn't tell us much. I assume it'll all become clear at the end. From the summary to year two, it sounds like Albus's life might turn out to be in danger.

OK, Professor Slano is starting to creep me out now. There's something scary about that smile. That was a really good line, actually, about the nasty smile. Those three words alone created a sense of menace and also a sense of her character. A lot of writers overplay things like that (I think I do myself), when a simply phrase like that is so effective.

I like the fact Katie Bell has a brother...what? About 20 years younger than her. It's a change from all the characters related to Harry's friends being their kids. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's nice to see a variety and considering how long wizards live, I don't think it would be particularly unlikely for them to have children with large age gaps.

And interesting, like his dad, Albus makes the Quidditch team in his first year.

Author's Response: Thank you for your fabulous review and your suggestions you have made to improve my story. It is good to get a review. Yes I liked the idea that Katie Bell has a younger brother who was the captain because Katie Bell was good at Quidditch too.

Yes I think that I did rush that bit from the lesson to the office a little so I think I might make a few changes to that.

The summary for year 2 sort of gives a bit away so that's why I've said its got spoilers.

I am going to change the mistake with the capital letters and the apostrophes.

Thank you again,

HEG


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Review #38, by MargaretLane Wally

7th February 2014:
*grins* My thought was right. You WERE leading up to something interesting with McGonagall's speech.

I think you have Peeves completely in character here. That sounds just like him.

I do think, however, that things are a little rushed here. We seem to jump from McGonagall's speech to Peeves to the password. I think the prefect would probably say a bit more than that Peeves is a mischief maker and the password is this. He'd probably welcome them to Gryffindor and maybe tell them a bit about the school or show them where their dormitories are or something. Or even just remind them to be sure and check what the password is when it changes and to take care not to forget it or they'd be locked out.

*grins* That makes a lot of sense, that Harry wouldn't have talked about winning the Triwizard Tournament, since we know he felt he didn't deserve it AND it must bring back pretty awful memories for him.

Hmm, I wonder where Scorpius is and how he knows about the Room of Requirement. I guess Draco could easily have told him, but it seems a little odd he'd go there immediately.

And then there's the house elf. I wonder what he is doing on Albus's bed. I almost didn't notice how mysterious that was because I was too busy wondering about Scorpius's absence. Maybe it's really the elf that is important and the thing with Scorpius is meant to distract us. Or maybe both are important. Hmm.

I am wondering how come Hugo is in first year. Are he and Rose twins in this as well? Or is she not in Albus's year?

Author's Response: Hello.
Fisrtly thank you for your great review. I make make a few amendments to the Prefect's speech as yes, he doesn't say much does he?

The bit about the room of requirement you will have to wait a bit to find out what happens about that.!!!

thank you for saying about I got Peeves completely in character, I thought that that was quite a good speech.

Rose and Hugo. I thought that they were twins; are they not? Or does no one know? I didn't think that it was revealed in the book.

Thanks,

HEG :-)


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Review #39, by MargaretLane The Sorting

7th February 2014:
OK, I've decided to have a look at this story. *grins* Rather interesting title and summary. I don't think I've seen a next generation story about finding something before.

You do have a couple of spelling mistakes in the early paragraphs. You've spelled McGonagall as "McGonnagal" and "Headmistress" as "head misetress".

The hat's words to Albus seem a bit rushed also. It kind of says, "you'd do well in Slytherin" but then calls out "GRYFFINDOR." It would be good to get a little more indication as to why it chooses that house for him, either by showing it's choosing between the two houses, before it actually decides or by having Albus express his anxiety not to end up in Slytherin.

I always like sorting chapters and I think you particularly created suspense here, because between the fact that Slytherin is mentioned in the story title and the indication Albus and Scorpius will become friends, the possibility of Albus being place in Slytherin really seems to exist. I like that. It's nice when it isn't obvious where he is going to end up.

I'm wondering why James was being sorted here. In the epilogue, it's clear he was already at Hogwarts. Or is this ignoring the epilogue? Are Albus and James twins here?

Rather amusing to have James end up in Slytherin when he was teasing Albus about that. I REALLY wouldn't have expected that.

Hmm, I wonder why you've ended this with McGonagall about to give her speech. I wonder if she is going to say something significant.

Author's Response: Hi.
Yes I think I should have put Albus saying something like "Please, please, please don't be in Slytherin" or something like that. Also I think that I've spelt "McGonnagall" wrong throughout the book. Headmistress was spelt wrong. I will change that.

I like the type of stories that aren't very predictable like in yours I didn't at all expect that Rose and Albus would be put in Ravenclaw. I thought that it would be either Slytherin or Gryffindor. You do sort of get the hint that he's going to be in Gryffindor; but he's not!

The epilogue has been followed a bit but in my book, yes, they are twins as are Rose and Hugo.

Yes I thought that people would think "oh!" I thought he'd be in Gryffindor.

The speech. I don't want to give anything away. thank you for your amazing review and all the suggestions.

Thanks again

HEG


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Review #40, by harry The Letter

2nd February 2014:
Brilliant chapter heg hope you write a new book

Author's Response: Thanks Harry. I'm writing the sequel now :)
HEG


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Review #41, by Shaun Victor Dibble

1st February 2014:
iT is good from Shaun hope a story is good

Author's Response: Thanks Shaun. We appreciate your review
HEG


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Review #42, by master dob Riddle House

1st February 2014:
I love the whole thing can you do another story please please please

Author's Response: Hi master don a new one is coming soon yes :-)
HEG


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Review #43, by steve Thorpe Quidditch Trials

1st February 2014:
Wow I love how you write it hope you can release a new story

Author's Response: The story has been released today it is validated you can read it it is called A Druids Story look out for it
HEG


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Review #44, by HARRYPOTTER Riddle House

1st February 2014:
It's a cliff hanger! I've not got an account on fanfiction but I love reading all the amazing stories

Author's Response: Thank you. It's ways nice to get an unexpected review. Hope you like the coming chapters :-)
HEG


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Review #45, by joe gorcer The Escape

1st February 2014:
super super super story I love the way you write it hope you release a new book!

Author's Response: Yes we have released a new book and it is waiting to be validated thanks
HEG


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Review #46, by Aiden Barker Victor Dibble

1st February 2014:
This is great! I cant wait for the next chapter I dont know what will happen! When is the next chapter? :-)

Author's Response: Hi Aiden I'm glad that you like my book and chapter it's always nice to get an unexpected review especially one like yours. The next chapter will probably be coming soon because I'm just waiting for it to be validated. It's the last chapter after this and that's why it says status is COMPLETED but I've also got another story waiting to be validated you'll have to wait to find out what it's called it s confidential. No one knows :-)
HEG


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Review #47, by Tommy tomks Familiar

25th January 2014:
Excellent! It's so exciting! When's the ext chapter?

Author's Response: It's coming soon. We are going to wait for it to validate? I hope yyou like it also if you like this story then the sequel is coming soon. I hope you review our story again, we do like having reviews. It is very nice

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Review #48, by Amanda Gordon Potions

18th January 2014:
You've got me hooked.
I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Author's Response: Thanks for your next review. The next chapter is coming soon ;)

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Review #49, by Shaun The Sorting

18th January 2014:
Brilliant I love it good

Author's Response: Thanks for sending another review Shaun

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Review #50, by Tommy tomks Wally

18th January 2014:
Very good very good 9 and a half stars brilliant

Author's Response: Thank you for rating and reviewing our story. We hope that you like the next chapter and you review again. If you like this story, the next one is coming soon! ;)

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