Reading Reviews for Albus Potter and the New Lord
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MargaretLane An Interesting Start to Term

31st January 2014:
Sorry, I've just realised something I said in my last review was wrong. The whole "only things Lucius wasn't afraid of" is perfectly correct. Sorry, can't edit it now.

And thanks for clarifying the pronunciation of Daegan's name. That's probably how I would pronounce it, but it's good to be certain.

Hmm, I'm now really wondering what houses the boys will be in. It'd be interesting if they ended up in different ones.

And this kind of answers my question as to what Scorpius will be like. *laughs*

I think it is really interesting to have a Dark Lord with a son. It sort of adds another dimension to him and makes him less of a simple villain. We are left wondering what he's like as a father. Is he close to his son or is he just using him?

And I really like the way Scorpius mocks the boys for being twins.

Rose herself isn't pureblood, as her maternal grandparents are Muggles. I guess she is referring to her wider family, but it might be clearer if she said "my father's family is pureblood."

LOVE the way Rose half knows the connection with Gaunt. It makes sense that she would have heard something but might not remember the details.

Wow, I really didn't expect anything like the train being stopped. I should have guessed the title meant something, but I guess I just assumed it meant meeting Scorpius and Gaunt and all.

I think this is likely to be a pretty good mystery story, as already I am coming across things that don't mean anything to me until they are explained and then have me thinking, "oh HOW did I miss that?" And those are just the things where the answer is revealed this early. I'm sure the solution will have me reacting like that a lot more.

MIM - hmm, I wonder what that stands for.

Author's Response: Thanks for clearing the pureblood thing up, I wasn't really sure about that.
I'm glad it's a good mystery story - that's what I was hoping for. I'm glad you're getting those hints. :)
Like I said in my other response, NO SPOILERS! Although I will say that nobody else in my story (apart from Alpha's gang)knows what it means either. ;)


 Report Review

Review #27, by MargaretLane The Graveyard

31st January 2014:
I really like the villain you have invented as the new Lord. A grandson of Morfin's is a good deal easier to make realistic than a son of Voldemort's and it's more original (not that the former is impossible or anything, but still).

The part about Drumstrang also makes sense and explains why we've never heard of this character.

I wonder why he wants Draco so badly that he is willing to risk Draco handing the letter over to the Aurors. Interesting.

I like the fact that Draco's first concern is for Scorpius. I sort of feel sorry for him. He was pushed into doing Voldemort's bidding out of fear for his parents and now it looks like he might be pushed into doing this guy's out of fear for Scorpius.

It would be better to just report it. After all, there is no evidence at all this guy is any danger yet. But I guess it's in-character for Draco to respond as he does. After all, his family have never been particularly close to people like Kingsley and Harry and after what happened with Voldemort and the dangers his family faced, it makes sense he'd be reluctant to put his family at risk with another Dark Lord, even if there's as yet no indication this guy's anything but a wannabe. I'm guessing he'll turn out to be more though or there wouldn't be much of a story.

I do wonder if he's really who he claims to be though. I suspect he is, but it seems like a lot to give away in a letter to somebody he doesn't know will support him, so there is the possibility this person is just claiming relationship to Voldemort for their own ends.

One thing I've noticed is that you've written "the two things Lucius wasn't scared of." As there are two, it should be "weren't."

I like the fact he has become old before his time and is suffering psychological effects of what has happened. It makes sense considering the danger he brought his family into and then the time in Azkaban as well as their treatment at the hands of Voldemort. It makes sense it would have affected him.

Oh and I DO like the immediate connection to Hogwarts. We can see right away how Albus will be involved.

I'm wondering about Scorpius now and what side he will end up taking as he gets older. It looks like he isn't going to know what he is contributing.

Wasn't Crabb killed in the Battle of Hogwarts?

I do like the fact he chose the name Alpha. It immediately shows his arrogance.

And yikes, he has a son. I actually didn't notice that he said he was the second last. This could get interesting.

Hmm, I think it is interesting that Lucius says fearing death is irrational, though I guess after the life he's had, death might not seem so bad. I think he would probably have feared death in his youth.

And I love the comment that Draco wished he could be young again and see his father well. That makes a lot of sense.

And I've a feeling Lucius's telling Draco to trust himself will turn out to be significant. Whether it will encourage Draco to stand up to this new Dark Lord or encourage him to get deeper into the Dark Arts or something else entirely, I don't know, but I have a feeling it will influence his behaviour in some way.

Author's Response: Draco doesn't hand in the letter because he's scared of what Alpha might do to him if he turns him in and the Aurors don't catch him.
Yeah, Crabbe was killed in the battle. I wrote this ages ago for a different story and then re-wrote, but I forgot about the Crabbe bit. I figured I'd just leave it in and not have Crabbe anywhere else, but I can take him out if it bothers people. :)
Lucius mainly says that to comfort Draco, but it could be for other reasons...or not...
The 'trust yourself' may or may not influence him - no spoilers!
Thanks for the review :)


 Report Review

Review #28, by MissesWeasley123 The Graveyard

24th January 2014:
Hey there! I'm here from the review the person above you thread in the common room :) Welcome to Gryffindor!

For your first fan fiction, I think you're doing extraordinarily well :) There are so many nice things about this chapter :) I think the best being, your idea. It's really unique, and I'm really looking forward to how you're going to keep it all 12+ too! This is so intense! From the fright and uncertainty.. there are so many things that truly make this such an excellent story.

Before I go on, I'd like to address some typos, and a bit of feedback. :)

First of all, I loved Astoria's character, but you spelled her name wrong a couple of times :) It's Astoria not Asteria. No biggie though!

Another thing was your placement of commas! Haha, I love commas so, so, SO much, and I use them a lot. There were a couple instances, like this one, where the comma shouldn't be there:

Lucius Malfoy's mind, in his old age, had shut down, leaving a shell of a man who mumbled incoherently and was scared of the slightest of things. -- the comma after "mind" disturbed the flow for me, but maybe I'm being a bit too picky :P

Honestly though, besides that I loved it. It was interesting to see how much Draco and Astoria both cared for Scorpius, and I'm really intrigued on who this relative could be! I... I think it might be... hm.. GAH. I really don't know! You did an excellent job at keeping up the suspense. Really well written, to be very honest. I'd appreciate a little bit more description, because it'd help increase the suspense and mystery even more!

You've brought forth a very interesting idea to the world on next gen! An excellent first chapter, very well done!

Author's Response: Thank you!
I'm glad you think it's original. I haven't read much fanfic so I was sure someone would have done something like this before. I'm hoping to get Albus and Co. through Hogwarts so later years may be above 12+.

I absolutely need to go back through and get those pesky typos. Thanks for the correct spelling of Astoria's name. That will be corrected immediately.

Thank you for the review!!! :D


 Report Review

Review #29, by The Great Bean The Hat Hates its Job

11th January 2014:
I really enjoyed this chapter. It has reflections of JKR in the sorting ceremony but I don't think you could ever avoid that really. You have made it your own too - so very cleverly done there. I like the way you have kept it grounded in the original but with your own interpretations developing nicely. The conversations between the characters flow well. I wonder if you have introduced too many new people to the reader in a single chapter? Just a thought!
I love the way you have created the twin characters, Albus & Severus, and the new ability they are developing is very exciting. Lots of potential for interesting developments! Can't wait to see where you take this idea.
I only have one niggle - I thought the headmaster (and Hagrid) would have mentioned the attempted attack on the train. No one seems to have been bothered by this event much and I think that it would be a much bigger deal given that the wizarding world has been in 'peacetime' following the defeat of Voldemort.
Bring on the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! You're right, they probably would have said something about that... I'll go back ad maybe edit one or two bits. Thanks for the review :)

 Report Review

Review #30, by HPreader The Graveyard

6th January 2014:
A whole new adventure begins at Hogwarts, this is an exciting start

Author's Response: Thank you for being my first reviewer! The next chapter is currently waiting to be validated so keep waiting for it! I'll upload two in a row probably to make up for the huge gap :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>