60 Reviews Found

Review #26, by alexaemd123 How to Easily Fall In Love with James Potter

7th August 2014:
I really love the plot! And I love James!!! These chapters are kind of filler but they are necessary! Can't wait for the story to start! :)

Author's Response: Aw, thanks. I am so worried about this fic, but you reassured me! I am surprised you like James. It's honestly great to hear =D It will start after Al's flashback and progress. I hope you enjoy it!

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Review #27, by g How to Not Trust Girls

19th July 2014:
Wow I love this story.. Update plzz X

Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much =D I promise that I will update. But Next update MIGHT be a while b/c I have to get other chapters up and it all depends on the validation times. ANYWAY, regardless THANKS SO MUCH! XOXO

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Review #28, by VeronicaOlivia How to Not Trust Girls

17th July 2014:
I really love this story so far, especially how you started off with the actions of both brothers and now we are starting to get to know them more. Initially, I was thinking, James is such an idiot but now as the story goes on, we learn more about him and thus, understand him.
Keep writing! It's great!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for letting me know how you feel about this =) Yes, each of the brother's is as important as the other! James still is an idiot, it's okay, it's okay, no need to be nice LOL BUT yes, James is alot more than what you see. Thanks a ton for R&R! XOXO

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Review #29, by crestwood How to Not Trust Girls

12th July 2014:
Hey! Back again :)

From the very beginning, Chanel seems so interesting. I can understand why James would fall for her, despite her repeated warnings against it. You've succeeded in making me feel sorry for James throughout this chapter. I haven't quite yet forgiven him for his earlier behavior but I can say that I somewhat understand why he seemed so callous. The plotline is interesting so far, of course and the flow in this chapter is a bit fast, but that makes sense to me as it was just a memory. You compressed an entire relationship between two people into one chapter and it wasn't done sloppily and didn't feel unnatural, so that's a victory in my book. I really love this story, thank you for your request once again!

Author's Response: HI!

Thanks a ton for responding to my requested review.

I'm surprised you think Chanel is interesting. I thought of her the typical gardening tool, but friendly. I am happy to hear I was able to provoke from sympathy for James even if he isn't completely forgiven. But this chapter was to show some background to James. Everyone has their own experiences to get them where they are at.

I am also glad to hear this chapter was done sloppily. I was afraid it might feel rush b/c it is hard to see people fall in love in one whole chapter.

Anyway, thanks again for R&R! =D

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Review #30, by marauderfan How it Happened WithJames

11th July 2014:
I am finally here with your requested review, and so sorry it took weeks for me to get to it! :(

The things you've asked about in your request: first of all plotline. As it's only the first chapter I'm not sure where it will go yet (apart from some romantic troubles for poor Aeris) but you've got a strong start to your story so far.

Flow: It moves quickly, but that's clearly the point ;) One thing I noticed though is that it jumps back and forth between Aeris and James' POV's a bit which can sometimes be hard to follow. But if you want to include both main characters' perspectives, my suggestion would be to do the chapter in sections so it's clear who is the narrator and then you can avoid switching POVs mid-paragraph.

Characterisation. At first, I read that paragraph about James and I was like "what seventeen year old ACTUALLY looks that fit?" and then I realised it's because Aeris is borderline obsessed with him, so of course she's seeing him through rose-coloured lenses. And then her descriptions got a lot funnier, and I enjoyed the mental image of Aeris in a corner creepily staring at James :P And I mean, I can kind of understand her being too shy to talk to her crush though and just sits there watching him! :p Your description of Aeris' personality is really well done. She's incredibly insecure, and although she never says so, it's plain to see in all of her actions.

And OMG JAMES. I want to hit him over the head with a Beater's bat for taking advantage of Aeris! He seems to only be interested in pushing her as far as he can before she tries to get him to stop (which she won't because she's infatuated with him) and he uses that for a one-night stand when she's drunk. He is utterly classless. I really do not like James in this story (sorry lol). I also kind of want to strangle Aeris too for doing everything for the wrong reasons. Gah! I wonder what Harley will say when she finds out about Aeris' escapades during the night. I hope she slaps James, because someone needs to.

A couple of picky word choice/order things: 'glass stained windows' should probably be 'stained glass', and a few paragraphs later you said 'intimate' rather than 'imitate'. And I think once or twice you typed Aeris' name as 'Aries'.

Well I think that sums everything up, and sorry about that little rant about James, I hope I didn't come across as too mean :p I hope Aeris gets some self-esteem soon, and I also hope karma comes back to kick James in a sensitive area. Great work on this chapter, though! I do only one chapter per request (that's just to make it fair to everyone) but feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: HI! Thank you for your time to fullfill this requested review!

Flow: Yes, I seem to have trouble with that. I need to have it flow more gently and purposely. I reread the sentence that I think you were speaking about and edited. So, thanks you!

Characterization: Aries is obsessive, so no matter what James does, she continually sees him in a different light that is pleasant & pleasing for herself. I am super glad she comes off as insecure and unsure of herself. She is still trying to find her footing and set off to her own path. =)

And James is not suppose to be the favor LOL I didn't expect readers to like him. Most do not! I completely understand b/c he is portrayed as a jerk. And also thanks a ton for pointing out things that need to be edited and actually edited them already. THANKS SO MUCH!!

Anywho, thanks a ton for R&R! =D

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Review #31, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF How to Not Trust Girls

9th July 2014:
Good chapter. It was insightful to see the reason behind James' behavior. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for R&R! I want to give characters background. Even Harry had a background! =D

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Review #32, by alexaemd123 How to Not Trust Girls

7th July 2014:
I love this story! When I first read the summary I wasn't too sure of how I would like it but it is amazing so far! Please continue! Oh, plus I was wondering if Aries was going to become pregnant. In your first summary you said she was pregnant. I was just wondering. Anyways, good luck on th story! It's really great!

Author's Response: I am glad you like it so far! Um, yes the story is going to say true to the first summary. The reason why I changed the summary was because I didn't want to give the impression that I would jump straight into the pregnancy, but it will semi- revolve around that. BUT not totally. Ah, but you'll seen soon. I personally don't think its going to be your typically pregenacy story. TRUST ME, it's going to get drama drama drama. LOL thanks for R&R! I hope you can stick with !

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Review #33, by HPMermaidMaiden How to Not Trust Girls

7th July 2014:
AW, I feel bad for James, but that's not an excuse to treat Aries the way he did previous chapters ago. But it makes sense. Good chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, I did want to create sympathy, but of course, just because someone had a bad experience doesn't mean you can be like that to someone else. Thanks again for R&R! =D

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Review #34, by shewhomustnotbenamed_ How to Not Trust Girls

7th July 2014:
Great, you've made me feel sorry for James now! Haha I like this, and I like where it's going, I kind of like James more now, but still rooting for Al, hopefully he'll be back next chapter???
Great story, please update soon! :))

Author's Response: I KNOW! T__T I did want to create sympathy and not have everyone hate him. I don't want him to be the bad guy. HAHA, yeah Al is still the nicer of the two. =)

Thanks so (O's keep going to infinity and beyond) much for R&R! =D

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Review #35, by Tris  How to Not Trust Girls

7th July 2014:
Wow, I thought James was just a butt, but this makes me feel bad for him. I can't wait to find out more!

Author's Response: Aw, James is a person too with a history and a past to build him to the person he is you see in the story. I did want to create sympathy for him =) THANKS A TON FOR R&R!

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Review #36, by Lostmyheart How it Happened WithJames

4th July 2014:
Hi! I'm finally here for your requested review.
I am so sorry for letting you wait for it for so long. RL became stressful (exams, guests and a laptop that broke down? Not the best combo).
Anyway, here I am, finished reading your chapter :)
I really enjoyed reading it! At first it was a little difficult with the new names and such. But I definitely liked your main character and her obsession with James! Though I don't like James much in this story 0_0 Taking her virginity and then just leave like that? She deserves so much better :)
I liked that you gave her and Albus this awkward glance, which kind of indicated that he fancied her, and then when she was in need by the end of the chapter, he was there (presumably to help her back to the Gryffindor tower?)
I loved the details you wrote during this chapter, it made the characters more lively, more real and somehow likeable.
I definitely liked the plot of your story - which explains why the title is like that (I don't blame her, he really is an idiot) and the structure of this chapter is really nice :)

This is a really great story, and you're so talented. But that's no surprise to me, since I've read a few chapters of your Dramione story :)

I hoped you found my reveiw helpful, though I didn't come up with any CC (there really was no need) but I'm afraid you can't re-request as I plan to close my reviews offered thread.
Keep continuing your great work!

- Lostmyheart

Author's Response: HI! It's okay, I totally understand life is stressful, but I hope its a lot better now.
Yes, since it is OC. Also usually with Next-Gen, writers tend to have one of the family members bff w/ the OC, but I have other reasons. I made James an unlikable guy...for now. Yes, I wanted to add Albus to help for the later chapters so its not as random.
Thanks SO MUCH for R&R! =D And thanks for taking your time to review this before you close down your review thread. =)

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Review #37, by shewhomustnotbenamed_ About Last Night

2nd July 2014:
No why does al have to be an idiot??? Yeah definitely prefer Al,! Excited to see where this goes, please update soon! :))

Author's Response: I know ughhh AL! Just had to go screw things up. Sheesh! Yes, very soon things might just get out of hand for our poor Aries =( I promise I will update VERY soon! Thanks so much for R&R!

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Review #38, by lexiatel How it Happened WithJames

30th June 2014:
Wow, James (II) is a total bunhead, I would have never expected that from Harry's son, who is so very sweet.

Anyway, I enjoyed all three of these chapters, surprisingly. I have a read a couple Next Gen stories that didn't much entertain me enough to keep reading, but yours was really good. I REALLY love your portray on Albus, it doesn't sound like he gets the girl though :( shame...

I look forward to more chapters, and thanks for sharing your story with me.

Rated it a 9/10

Author's Response: Yes, James is a jerk. He was his own reason. James is really sweet to family, but since he see him most interact with Aries, he is a bunhead lol

I am glad you like it so far. I'm iffy about Next-Gen as well, but I'm glad you like it!

Thanks a ton for R&R! =D

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Review #39, by Hats For House Elves How it Happened WithJames

29th June 2014:
Hats for House Elves here with the review you requested AGES ago, sorry it took so long.

The triangle between the Potter brothers is a great core to a story, but don't rush it. There is a metric tonne of stuff going on. Give time to all those questions you need to answer in the first couple of chapters. Like where they are, what they're doing, what time of year it is, what year they are in. Show us don't tell us, you do this quite well in dialogue but if you can do it in your description as well that'd be even better.

Remember that while you are writing fanfiction and therefore you can leave some areas to the reader's assumption and imagination, your story still has to stand on it's own two feet. You can get away with not explaining that there are wizards and witches in Britain and that they go to school in a castle etc. But you need to fully immerse the reader into the world like they're one of those wind-up toys. Take a moment in your first couple of chapters to wind up then let them run. Not sure if that makes any sense.

Moving on.

You have a massive spoiler in your author's Note. You say that it's obvious but nowhere in the story summary or anywhere else do you suggest that this story will be a pregnancy plot.

'People will hate you when you come between family especially brothers and that's exactly what quiet, nobody Aries Evensong did, unintentionally of course.
*Fic title inspired by "I'm Sorry, But I'm Beginning to Hate Your Face" by Eagle Seagull'

Doesn't mention pregnancy.

Moving on to Characterisation and flow. It all kind of tie in with description and this is where I begin to ramble. This I'm sorry to say is where the story stumbles a bit. I am left with so many questions that are caused by contradictions.

You have a shy girl with a massive crush who by the end of the chapter has slept with the guy. I don't know about you but if it were me, I would have freaked out somewhere between him handing me a drink and being in the corridor alone with him. It never would have got to kissing. If she's so shy how come she got a month of detentions for a major prank?

Who is your main character? Don't just give us name and appearance then a sentence that sums her personality. Show us how she speaks how she's feeling you suggest Gryffindor had just won a quidditch game, How does our main character feel about quidditch, How much does she invest in the fortunes of the team. That can give you an opportunity to slip in a bit about family and upbringing.

"She is cute, he thought. But she doesn't look like the type for a one-night stand. She looks like she a hopeless romantic. Merlin, I hate those. I'll have sex with her and she'll think I'm some sort of prince charming."

There are two things that I find oh so wrong about this sentence. Feel free to disagree it's your story but First. The rest of the chapter is written from Aeris' perspective and suddenly you've popped into James head just so that you can tell us exactly what he's thinking. We don't need to know what James is thinking, we need to know what Aeris is feeling and what James is doing so we can make a judgement about his character and his motives for ourselves.

Secondly and most importantly I cannot believe for one second that anyone brought up by Harry and Ginny, with major influences from the extended Weasley family would have this kind of attitude towards relationships. Particularly at the age of 17.

Until you show me otherwise I go into this story with my idea of what the Potter children are.

He basically gets a girl drunk to sleep with her. He's not written as drunk so he's taking advantage of her, manipulating her and putting her in a situation everything you've told us so far, would suggest that she doesn't really want to be in. There is a difference between a crush and acting on attraction. Now if you want to write him as that character, you'd have a very interesting story. It would need handling with much more care than 2000 words can afford it. I would guess you're not going for something as uncomfortable as that.

If you are going for the innocent girl swept away by a guy who has the moves. Then we're going to have to see them. James has to work a bit harder for it. There has to be the set moves the jokes, the dropped compliment, the lines that make Aeris think he has been paying special attention to her.

If you pull all that off without the reader knowing that James has done all this before then they'll go on a much better roller coaster than telling us straight up. Let us try and figure him out as Aeris is being swept away.

Mostly great ideas, Very interesting possibilities for a classic hook and plenty of room to work in.

Occasional questionable moments but nothing that can't be fixed.

Any questions feel free to PM me on the forums.

Keep Writing


Author's Response: Thanks for replying for to my requested review. And I totally understand that its takes time to review b/c we are all busy with our daily lives. ^__^

Yes, I had another story summary that was related to pregnancy and the A/N too. But it is a spoiler since I updates the story summary. And I am going to change that. YIKES!

Aries is quiet, indeed. But it all comes to down to her priorities. She has a borderline obsession with James so since she is thrilled he is paying attention to her, it’s like she is at his command. I wanted readers to become slightly frustrated with her. And the whole prank thing, she was “sucked” in, meaning it was forced. She isn’t anti-social or those extreme shy people. She is just more shy than normal, but not to the extreme of having social issues.
The characters of the main story isn't just Aries, it is also James and Albus. I don'€™t want it to be one-sided. I want it more complex where it becomes that readers are rooting for certain characters. The flow to his thoughts (after I reread them) were not as smooth as I thought it was when I written it. I do want to fix that though. But I just didn'€™t want it from Aries POV which is why

I decided on third-person rather than first. I know with third person you can focus only on one character, but I didn’t. Each of them is as important. Harry & Ginny for sure wouldn’t raise James to be like that and I think most parents wouldn’t (so how do we end up with men like James?), but each individual has their own experiences that do not come from their parents. What if James is like this as well? Maybe there is a reason he treats her like that? I don’t want to give everything away in the 1st chapter. There is so much more to see with the characters like Aries who is viewed as shy. Realistically, people have layers and layers and are so much more complex. This chapter kind of just showed the first layer or like the impressions.

And it is important to have James thoughts as well b/c James is not trying to sweep her off her feet. He actually does not like her and has no intention of doing so.

Anyway, thank you so much for this review. I will have to go back and fix a few things. =)

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Review #40, by UnluckyStar57 How it Happened WithJames

29th June 2014:
Howdy! Sorry it's been a few weeks since you requested your review... But here I am!

Oh my goodness, things are happening fast to Aeris!! (Is that how you spell her name? I think in your request, you typed "Aries," so I wasn't sure.) First she's eye-stalking James, then she's talking to James, then she's sneaking to the kitchens with James, then...

Wow. She seems like a smart girl, so it's really odd that she would trust James so implicitly... And then, of course, he hurts her. So this chapter shows all the ranges of emotions that a girl can have when infatuated with James Potter--but it happens over an accelerated period of time. Very interesting!

I think it was totally mean of James to seduce her into pulling a prank on the Ravenclaws--sore losers though they were! He seems like a jerk, and to be honest, I already dislike him. Hopefully Aeris will see sense and drop him!

A few comments on grammar/descriptions and things like that:

Starting a story with a description like the one of James at the top of the page is an interesting way to draw people in. People are very sensory, so giving them an image really helps to establish the story. But the "beige" descriptions of the people's faces didn't really have an impact on me. I'm not much of an artist, so I'm not exactly sure what color "honey beige" could be. Perhaps you could dial it back to "tan" or something more familiar? (Just a suggestion.)

Also, I would warn against beginning every chapter with a description of someone's body and face and personality. Sometimes it's cool to work those details into the narrative, and you can give your characters stage directions. For instance: ""What are you doing tonight?" he smirked arrogantly, ruffling his wavy dark brown hair."

It just gives you some description to add in the places that are less descriptive, such as in between dialogue and things like that. :)

A word about Aeris' character: She seems really naive and vulnerable because of her major crush on James, and he takes advantage of that very quickly. It might just be me, but I really wouldn't mind seeing her get back at him! He deserves to have a taste of his own medicine! :D

Overall, this was a very strong first chapter. I didn't see too many grammar/spelling mistakes, although I would suggest going back over the chapter just to make sure you haven't missed anything! (It happens to me ALL THE TIME, no lie.)

Happy writing!


Author's Response: HI! Thank you for finding the time to review.

Aries is her name. I think you are right about description of James. The over detail of his skin color is excessive. I will definitely change it. Thank you.

I wanted to give him a description (as I didn't give Aries) because it shows she overly notices him. It aligns with her obsession with him.

Anyway! Thanks a ton for the review!

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Review #41, by jessicalorewrites How it Happened WithJames

27th June 2014:
Hey, I'm here because you requested a review on my topic! Sorry it took forever, I forgot to check my review thread. First off I'm going to answer your area of concern and add in my own little thoughts about different things that I like along the way :)

1. Plot
Obviously there's not much of a substantial plot yet, this being the first chapter, but from what I have read this seems like it's going to be interesting when it does develop! The characters + your writing all have my intrigued as to what and how it will happen next. Also, I love the suspense of the last line!!

2. Characters
For a girl with such a strong obsession as Aeris has, she is surprisingly not as annoying as I usually find characters like her. Definitely remember to steer clear from most Mary Sue tropes but other than that I really like her character - and Harley's too! And your James Potter is fabulous. Excellent well done!

3. Structure/Flow
Lemme say something right now, I LOVED THE FIRST PARAGRAPH!! Usually super long descriptions are thoughtless and boring but this one actually got me interested in James as a character. Also, coupled with Aeris' obsession for him, it actually plays well into the flow of the story.

Overall a good read :) I can't wait to see how you develop everything in the next chapter/s! I'll review your second chapter for you when I get the time I promise :)

- Jess xo

Author's Response: Thank you for filling the requested review! And I totally understand, life is busy. =)

You are right, this first chapter isn't huge, eventful or anything like that. I did want to set it up.
I don't want readers to find her annoying, maybe a little frustrating, like UGH WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT GIRL! Ah, no. She definitely WON'T be a MARY SUE, considering life is almost never in anyone's favor.
I'm glad you like it. The description of James is to see from Aries' POV.

Anyway, thanks so much again!

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Review #42, by crestwood About Last Night

26th June 2014:
This really made me feel so bad for Aries. Pretty much everything blew up in her face. James is absolutely insufferable out loud and even worse in the comfort of his own thoughts. And something tells me that Albus wasn't planning on called her a hookup until she suggested that was all the night was. Things went even worse than I thought they would, somehow. Although, Harley is still an awesome friend. I did change two small errors while reading, but they're a harmless typos. In the sentence "Almost all the sixth and seventh years of Hufflepuff expect the Scamander twins" expect should be changed to except, and in the A/N "Net-Gen" should be Next-Gen, but other than that, everything was perfectly written and paced. The characterization is solid and I found the story interesting. Thank you for your request! Make sure to re-request if you upload more!

Author's Response: Yes, things won't go well for Aries. James IS horrible and that what I want him to be (for now at least). Albus didn't want to call her a hookup. He had intentions of taking it further than a one-night stand like a friendship the least or dating (which he would have preferred). Harley eventually becomes the most awesome friend in the universe. And thank you for pointing out the typos. YOU are a life saver! I am actually going to edit them RIGHT NOW ^___^
Thanks a TON for R&R !

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Review #43, by crestwood How it Happened with...Albus

26th June 2014:
Ok, I was expecting Albus to eventually want to be with Aries, but there was no way I would've guessed that she'd sleep with both brothers in one night. That'll definitely drive a wedge between them.

I do hope she ends up choosing Albus (if he'll take her after finding out about James) because he really seems to be infatuated with her, while James was interesting in one night only. This is such a great dramatic situation. I can just feel it all about to explode. It's definitely interesting, to say the least. Great second chapter!

Author's Response: Oh, yes. It happens rather quick and there are reasons why I sorta did this that will be revealed later.
It is quite a love triangle. Albus>Aries>James SO tensions will run really high.
Thanks a ton for R&R!

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Review #44, by crestwood How it Happened WithJames

26th June 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review!

I thought that Aeris as a character was a good depiction of someone with a strong obsession. She was so into James that even after he clearly used her and left her, some part of her was still incredibly excited to have had the opportunity at all.

Harley is hilarious and the perfect comedic relief. The scene where she pretends someone is calling her made me actually laugh and that's a rarity, even with full out comedy stories. Although James is not exactly a great guy, he does seem to kind of struggle with it and I can see that he may have a change of heart, especially if Albus comes into play like I think he will.

The flow is fantastic; the last paragraph especially. And you already have me trying to mentally decipher your characters, so that's always good. Awesome chapter overall!

Author's Response: HELLO! ^__^
I'm glad you could see her crush or thing for James is so strong that it is on a whole another level.
Harley is supposed to be the comic relief and is slightly whacky in her own way. I'm glad I could make you laugh with her considering that humor is not my strong point.
Yes, James is struggling. He loves the attention, but hates it b/c the attention is for the wrong reasons. Like they love him b/c he is a superstar, but not for who he is (b/c he is sorta rotten).
Thanks so much for R&R!

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Review #45, by lindslo2012 How it Happened with...Albus

25th June 2014:
Hey there,
Here for another requested review. And woo, this was a good chapter!
I was so excited to read this after reading your previous chapter- I was ready! I was also not disappointed. I feel kind of bad for Albus though I must admit. He kind of got the 'seconds' if you will since James slept with her first. I feel like maybe Albus really has feelings for Aries unlike James. I think James is more going from the lust. It seems like she likes James more right now though than Albus. I am not sure if that is true yet but I will read on of course and find out for sure! Well... our poor Aries has dug herself a little bit of a deep hole. Sleeping with brothers- really Aries? You couldn't have avoided that? lol. And not to mention it was all in the same night too. My goodness- hopefully something good will come out of this and she will end up in love with one of them. Come back and re-request!
Until next time,

Author's Response: HAHA THANKS!
Yes, I want readers to sympathize with Albus for right now b/c he does really like her and it is a shame she likes James. You are right about James. He is just a little playboy and Aries is almost obsessed with him. Yes, she gotten herself in a BAD situation! Of course, she could have avoided it, but obviously had bad judgement. Anyway, thanks again so much!

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Review #46, by Tris  About Last Night

24th June 2014:
They are both rude and mean, an believable. So well done there. I love all the original charachters no cannot wait for more drama to appear! Definatly good.

Author's Response: They are. Its going to get really complex between all of them and this love triangle. I'm glad you like the characters. I was afraid Aries wasn't going to be like as she is quiet, unsocialable and lack confidence. Usually OCs in Next gen tend to be like Harley in a way. I'll post a chapter soon hopefully! Thanks a ton for R&R!

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Review #47, by Troy. About Last Night

24th June 2014:
Ha this sounds like me back in the day. At first to make yourself feel better you hope there's something there but it finally hit you that you were drunk and oh poo i slept with two guys in only a short space of each other. How am i going to explain this to the one who really likes me. Followed by the old i'm never getting this drunk again. I had one of those nights and needless to say i never forgot it. It ruined me.

Author's Response: I guess maybe you can relate to this story? Hopefully you can continue reading and enjoy it! Thanks for R&R! And more so, sharing your personal experience!

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Review #48, by MargaretLane About Last Night

24th June 2014:
This hallucinating is beginning to get concerning. OK, that sounds stupidly obvious, but I'd assumed it was because she was drunk, but now it's beginning to seem as if it's related to her self-esteem issues.

At least Harley talks a bit of sense into Aeris.

And *laughs at the "finally"* They're still at school, after all. There are a fair share of people who've hardly been OUT with a boy or girl at that stage, but I guess considering how many people Harley's been with, it might seem like "finally".

LOVE the hints that Harley's interference hasn't exactly worked too well in the past. You give a real depth to your characters and a feeling that they don't just exist for this story, if that makes sense. There is a sense they've done other things and had lives before the story started.

I know Albus is angry because he feels Aeris doesn't like him and probably that she only used him because things didn't work out with his brother, but it's still not acceptable to use that kind of misogynistic language. Even if he doesn't really mean it about her (and I'm sure he doesn't), the fact that that comes to mind indicates he does feel differently about girls and boys doing the same things. After all, he's really criticising himself. If he had been telling the truth about what happened between them, it would have been HIM taking advantage of HER. I guess he'd rather she thought that than that she realised he fancied her, but still.

I'd still prefer see her get together with him than James though. I think he is a decent person, who just behaved badly because of how hurt he was, and because he's a teenage boy, who probably hasn't the maturity to realise how harmful those kind of comments are, whereas James seems to be pretty callous. And Albus does seem to really care about her, whereas James doesn't.

Author's Response: Well, in the morning she wasn't drunk. It was more like guilt. Like when you do something wrong, you are really sensitive to people around b/c of paranoia. Like you think they know. She was experiencing that type of thing.
Yes, there are many teens that go without that, but because its Harley who is much different from Aries finds that in a way is Aries breaking out of her comfort zone (although there are many other ways of doing that).
Albus was mean. Yes, Albus felt like what she said was rejection even though he didn't really confess. Anyway, thanks again for R&R!

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Review #49, by MargaretLane How it Happened with...Albus

24th June 2014:
Love the inclusion of Peeves.

And that part about her turning into a werewolf and Albus being a ghost was amusing. She really IS drunk.

At one point, Albus says "expect when you're with Valentine." I presume it should be "except".

Aeris really does seem to have low self-esteem. And I think James kind of took advantage of that in the last chapter. I know he despised her because he felt she was only interested in dating the son of a celebrity, but I still think he treated her pretty badly.

The way she feels about herself at the end is sort of concerning. I hope she gains some self-confidence as the story goes on.

I'm not sure "she constituted" is quite right in the last paragraph.

And I like the suspense you create as to how Albus will feel about her after this. Though he'd be a pretty horrible person if he judged her for something he chose to do with her. I guess he could be annoyed when he found out about James, but still.

Author's Response: Hi again =D Thanks for reviewing this! I, of course had to add Peeves. Even though Hogwarts is not a person, it still has character to it and Peeves is one of them.
Thank you for pointing out the grammar mistake ^__^ I am going to change that right way.
I wouldn't say she has low self esteem per say, but she is socially awkward & more like no self-confidence in social situations.
Yes, he did treat her poorly and he is going to later learn that she isn't what he thought she was.
Anyway, thanks for R&R!

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Review #50, by MargaretLane How it Happened WithJames

24th June 2014:
I was going to say the description of James at the beginning was a bit more detailed than necessary, until I realised it was from the point of view of a character with a crush on him and that their absorption in him was the point. In that situation, I think it makes sense and gives us an immediate insight into their (not yet existent) relationship.

I like the way you give details like the fact she's in Gryffindor or that Rose fancies Scorpius. It's done very naturally.

That was actually a pretty cruel prank she played on those girls.

Hmm, James seems like a rather complex character. On the one hand, he seems to enjoy the attention of being Harry Potter's son and to take advantage of it, but at the same time, he seems to know it's all fake and sort of resent it. Or at least despise those who admire him for all the wrong reasons. And he seems a little...callous, maybe. He doesn't seem to even like her all that much, but he's leading her to believe he does and getting her to do things just to see if she will. There seems to be a rather hard side to him.

Love the way you describe Hogwarts at night. You're really good at description. I'm not, so I really admire that.

And yikes, this blowing up the pie is pretty cruel as well.

And oh Aeris, not a good idea to do something you don't agree with just because it's the guy you fancy asking you to.

Hmm, I'm now starting to suspect this will end up as Aeris/Albus and not Aeris/James. That scene between Aeris and James wasn't exactly romantic. It seemed like he was using her.

Author's Response: HI! Thank you for reviewing.
Yes, I put alot of detail into both boys description (which you will see Al's later) as Aries' POV and to see how she differentiates the two.
I try not to say details so bluntly all the time. It can interrupt the flow so in slide them into conversions to make it seem natural and realistic. So I super glad you noticed that.

James is very complex. And you analyzed him just right. He is callous towards girls for reasons that will be mention later. He likes the attention, but hates that its for the wrong reasons. He uses people to hurt them like Aries b/c he is hurt by the way people view him as a star.

I always tried to use descriptions. I want readers to see what I'm seeing in my mind like a picture ^__^

No, it wasn't romantic. I wanted to expose him to Aries and for her to see the truth behind James.

Anyway, thanks a ton for R&R!

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