Reading Reviews for Everto Trucido
  
163 Reviews Found

Review #26, by kenpo Hostage

5th February 2014:
Hey! Here for the swap!

Yay Remus and Grace! I wub them. You better not do anything to them.

Are we gonna meet Regulus?!!?!??!?

evoked by her heedlessness, the enchiridion's functionality demonstrated particular folly while verifying its magnificent ability to become ensconced.
Okay, I'm WAY to tired to understand what that means.

Grace has a mouth on her!

Remus and his silly rules. No belly rubbing. No kidnapping. Reeelaaax, Remus.

Hah. Lily thought that they were in the closet together. Oh boy.

If you make Grace and Remus a couple I'll be really sad. Really sad. I might scream at you a little.

Lily had the book. Whoops. Grace. Sigh. Whoops.

Yay! Grace and James are conversing!

BUT NOT IN THIS CHAPTER WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?! I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP BUT NOW I NEED TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER, TOO!

I'm not amused.

Pretty not amused right now.

Why must you do these things to me?

Rah. Argh. Sorry. I'm clearly feeling a little bit moody. Balls.

Okay, but my feelings regarding where you ended the chapter aside... I liked it. I like that Grace is really starting to cause problems, and I'm intersted to see how Lily will handle her. I mean, she is an authority figure and probably won't be able to just overlook a student being bound and thrown into a closet. Also, does Lily know about Grace? I want to see that conversation.

I know have to make the decision of whether to read the next chapter or go to bed...

...

I'll see you in like fifteen minutes.

Author's Response: Whoo! Finally responding to reviews, here I go!

They are my new broTP -- heheh, see what I did there?

Er, you'll meet Reggie a little bit. He's not overly important until later on in the story...so I put him in a closet for safe-keeping ;). I'm full of jokes today!

"evoked by her heedlessness, the enchiridion's functionality demonstrated particular folly while verifying its magnificent ability to become ensconced" -- haha, I was getting fancy here. It just means that she was careless, and the handbook is easily concealed, which is good typically, but is bad because she lost it.

Haha, this was toned down right after it was originally written because some of my readers were a bit scandalized by her language. *Cough* It still works without all of the excessive swears :D.

I know, right?

*Cough* Spoilers, you might hate me for an entire chapter...or maybe two chapters. I did something in order to make a point, and to fix a friendship that was teetering into dangerous territory. I've fixed it. ;) BroTP!

Heheh, Lily had the book...

Grace and James will always have the conversation in the next chapter, so you can go to bed ;).

...somebody was moody while writing this :D!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #27, by shez Words, Words, Words

2nd February 2014:
Hi there! Here with your requested review from...err long, long ago hehe. AHEM.

So I think this story's come a long way and you've definitely gone and fixed some of the coherency issues that were in chapter 1. In fact, this is turning out to be one of the better fanfics I've read in my day, in that it's a. very well written b. has a unique plotline c. and compelling characters. I'm really enjoying reading about Grace and marauders and I like how you've incorporated her into their time line. Additionally, I like how you're telling about Grace's powers little by little. One thing that irked me a little (and it's a personal issue, so feel free to ignore) is that she calls Dumbledore by his first name. Also, i'm not exactly sure why she's so infatuated with Severus aside from them being "soulmates" (really like his characterization though, and their awkward conversation haha). Remus is my favorite at the moment.

I don't really have any useful critique but just a couple things to keep in mind:

you'll have to be pretty careful/skilled developing Grace/Snape (if it's happening). at the moment it doesn't seem like it's plausible.

James and Grace being siblings...a little more background on that/and sibling development. And how/why grace turned out the way she did and not James. Are her powers hereditary (sorry if you answered this. I just don't remember)? Do their parents ever make an appearance?

Of course no rush :). Tell your story the way you think it deserves to be told. You're doing a fantastic job so far :) Excellent writing!

Author's Response: Hello ;)!

Thank you! I've been attempting to keep this closely knit, to maintain some realism and cannon-relativity. She calls Dumbledore by his first name for a reason, which I believe is disclosed over the next several chapters. Her infatuation is based solely on the fact that he is supposed to be his soulmate, much in the same way Grace is infatuated with Remus because he is supposed to be her Servitor. Remus is pretty awesome ;).

Yeah, that is a treacherous, lengthy development that I have planned out... it is not exactly a romantic endeavor but, you know.

All of those questions are answered in future chapters :D. Well, most of them are answered in chapter 7 actually ;).

Anyway, thanks so much for getting back to me!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #28, by maraudertimes Merlin Was a Slytherin

2nd February 2014:
Hiya Rumpel! Told'ya I'd be here! :)

Ooh, I really liked this chapter! A whole bunch of awesome sibling moments! I think my favourite part was: ""I destroy evil things," Grace said flatly before taking another drag." I don't know, I just really like the nonchalantness of it all!

It was really sweet, just to see the two Potters talking and getting to know each other. And I liked how they were both a little envious of the other. That's real sibling rivalry right there and I loved it! I also really liked when James decided that in fact, he *didn't* want to have in depth knowledge of Grace's love life.

Ooh! A prank! I wonder what it was. And why in the world would they pull the first prank of the year without James? Shame on them! And certainly on Remus for being a prefect as well! ;)

Great job on this chapter Rumpel! Really well done!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello!! :D

Hooray, I'm glad that you liked it! It was an opportunity to have a Grace/James chapter and to work on James' characterization. I thought it was going to get boring, though, with all of the information and conversation ;).

For some reason, I think that James would make a terrific brother. He kind of adopted Sirius as his brother, anyway, so now he gets a sister! James may be a little slow in this sometimes, but I think he made a wise decision to stay out of Grace's love life.

Yes, shame on them! :D

Thanks so much!!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #29, by academica The Trial

1st February 2014:
Hey, here from Review Tag!

This is an intriguing start to the story. I like the idea of bringing back the dead and allowing their memories to piece together a story. I thought you did a nice job of interspersing the dialogue with the action, and I also liked the gentle way you described each character's entrance and Grace's behavior in front of Shacklebolt. You included a lot of good detail as well.

I'm curious about who is on trial here and how Grace's testimony will help free them. I also have to wonder about the negative cloud that seemed to surround the entrance of Atrum Unus. Guess I'll have to come back and read more later!

Great start :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks so much! This is one of the chapters that has been subject to a ton of editing and changing in order to make the information dump less confusing. I'm happy to see that it may have worked ;)!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #30, by Hogwarts27 Simulation Number Two

31st January 2014:
Hi. I'm going to say the same thing about this chapter's action scene as I said before - some description of the surroundings would really help. Otherwise this was another well written chapter. Romance-wise, a thoroughly depressing time for Grace and Remus, but I really like the depth of their relationship in this scene. I really like these two together when they're not acting immaturely stupid. For the life of me, I don't know how you're going to make Snape feel like a better love interest than Remus without writing him totally out of character. I'll be interested to see how you tackle that part of the story when it comes.

Author's Response: Oh hello!

I'm really terrible with adding descriptions -_- I don't know why I continuously refuse to do so. I love writing imagery, you'd think I'd do it more often.

Grace and Remus will eventually make some progress, but not necessarily as a romantic couple ;).

Eheh. A better love interest? Most certainly not. An interesting, frustrating, complicated, and carefully constructed part of the plot? Yes, I've got something up my sleeve! The challenge does come in the form of Snape's cannon characterization, but I've got this ;).

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #31, by marauderfan Simulation Number Two

30th January 2014:
Sorry for the massive delay in this review swap! Aw, and thanks for the mention at the beginning , I feel so loved.

So the chapter. What was that. First of all you are really great at writing action scenes! Seriously, I often review as I read but with this story I just get sucked in and totally forget to review until I reach the end of the chapter because Im so absorbed in it.

What happened to Snape!?!? ? He got attacked by a vampire and as far as I'm concerned this is STILL a cliff hanger, even though thats in the middle of the chapter, because Grace was unconscious last time Snape was there. Aah! I NEED TO READ MORE Where is chapter 14 please?? :p

ok, sorry, I'm so demanding. It was just a really intense scene with a prolonged cliff hanger haha. And it was awesome.

As for the second half of the chapter, I can't say I didn't see it coming. Both the fact that they broke up and the amount of awkwardness on Grace's part haha. I feel so badly for Remus, it must be so confusing for him. Gah!

Im sorry this is kind of a lame review, but it was a really great chapter!! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: That's okay! It came more quickly than I expected! ;) Shout outs!

Uhm. It was chapter thirteen (aka more of Rumpel's madness). I love my action, it entertains me.

Heheh, mid-chapter cliffhanger. I promise to tie that up in the next chapter (I had other matters to tie up in this chapter). Uhm, I'm still writing 14 ;P.

Eheh, super cliffhanger!

Remus will be okay ;), I promise.

Nah, it's not lame! Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #32, by toomanycurls Simulation Number Two

30th January 2014:
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!!

AND I'M EXCITED ENOUGH TO SHOUT!!

oh yay - snape is alive. :P I'm still preoccupied with Remus' poor breaking heart. (again with the Aladdin thing - I feel like that scene where Genie is going "jafar, jafar, he's our man, if he can't make it - GREAT!")

:-o does Snape become a vampire? I like that he's all standoff-ish and distant even while being attacked in an unfamiliar place.

Oh I love your action scene - it's rivetting. I like how Grace is distracted between concern for Snape and a need to slay the vamp. I'm amazed by her abilities to fight so well (I think she'd give Buffy a run for her money).

Slightly creepy with her sudden switch to having Severus as an it rather than he. Did that sense of power possess her and make her inhuman??! I thought the vamp was dead, why is it trying to pike her? ah! Snape is using that spell on the vamp, right? not Grace???

oh hey, that's my sister's birthday

o.o is death talking to her? literally? please make this into a movie.

REMUS IS THERE TO LOVE HER BACK TO HEALTH! there should be snogging between them now. (Clearly I didn't listen to Sirius.) YES! Go with the Servitor/Everto Trucido tie!!

No! She only likes kissing Remus. That's all! No hating! Fate shmate.

...why would she tell Remus what Sirius told her. WHY!

Oh the hurt for Remus.

I'm just so torn with their argument. Grace does need to learn boundaries and (wait, why am I arguing Remus' side?!?!).

Thank you for the pink-haired Snape line. Oh that's brilliant.

I'm not sure i want Remus to keep trying to make it happen. I don't know what I want anymore. SHE DOES WANT TO BE WITH HIM!! ah! It's there, with the "just go" you broke his heart!!

... so writing more Dawlish/Tonks now...

-Rose

Author's Response: Well, you're going to shout, but probably not in the good way ;).

Eheheh, I'm sensing the cheer for Snape's life was less-than enthusiastic. Oh my... :D.

No, he doesn't become a vampire ;). Heheh, I couldn't imagine him any other way.

Grace versus Buffy -- my next fanfic :p. It will just be all action scene where Grace and Buffy fight through a novel-length story... yup. Dobby Awards there :D.

Well, it made her lose her mind a little bit (crazy!slayer). Erm, well, she killed the first vampire, was trying to rip the head off of the second vampire, to no avail (but didn't kill it), and the vampire that transported with them was a third vampire. I need to go back and make that a little clearer probably :D.

Yeah, he's using it against the vampire. ;) If he was trying to use it against Grace, I suspect that she wouldn't be entirely happy about that (angry!slayer).

Yay for birthdays!

Yes, Death is talking to her! Erm, okay *puts on director's cap* I'll get right on that. You don't happen to have Ben Barnes' number on you, do you? ;)

Yes, that's it, he'll love her back to health :D! Sirius does not endorse Grace/Remus snogging.

...oh gods, I can't stop laughing even after reading this review so many times. Your yelling reactions are awesome.

Pink-haired Snape :D.

His heart's okay, I promise. ^.^

Gah, with the Dawlish/Tonks *cries*.

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #33, by maraudertimes Hostage

29th January 2014:
Hiya Rumpel!

Grace is really starting to grow on me. I love how she blames hormones. I'm sure that's what it is, sweetie ;)

I think the best part about this chapter was Grace's interactions with the Slytherins. Well, if she and Snape are going to be doing anything, she really has to stop accusing him without proof and she really can't be calling him names, although it's good to see that she's realized that. The Regulus part made this chapter, though. I absolutely loved it!

I especially loved how Lily assumed that Remus and Grace were... well, you know! ;) That was funny! I sense that Remus is decidedly not a ladies man and that Lily's assumption might have scarred him for life.

Ooh, and the marauders interacting with each other was very nice as well. I loved the little banter between Sirius and James. It's also really good to see James opening up a little bit more to Grace. Potters must stick together, am I right?

This was a really good chapter and other than perhaps a little bit more description here and there (maybe describe the scene that Lily happens upon) would really make it that much more awesome!

Great job Rumpel!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hey!! :D

I'm glad that she's starting to grow on you ;). Yeah, hormones...

She's having a difficult time with Snape (but he's a difficult character, in her defense). I had been DYING to write that scene!! :D I wasn't sure that anybody else would appreciate my humor ;).

Heheh, oh embarrassing moments.

Potters must stick together, absolutely!

Description (I'm really terrible with including it). I'll work on that!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #34, by LittleLionGirl The Trial

26th January 2014:
Well this really was an interesting prologue Rumple! I really want to see how all of these people are involved in the case. I enjoy how you mention the connections to each other as they are selected. It really did ease some confusion. As always job well done!
XOXOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks! This poor chapter has been the subject to a ton of revisions, in attempt to smooth over some confusion! :D

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #35, by GingeredTea Merlin Was a Slytherin

26th January 2014:
I really enjoyed this chapter and the sit-down with James helped explain some stuff to us too. Your flow was really good in this chapter and I liked your descriptions, dialogue, and transitions from thought to speech.

I am wondering more about her other world, about the veil (will we learn more about the creator?), her part in both wars, etc. etc.

Sorry this review is lousy - a certain child gave me a cold the day before my classes start.children can be so cruel.

I am really getting into this story, though. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I used this to not only explain things, but to attempt to develop James' character for personal reasons. He had been my arch nemesis of a character until I battled it out with him in this chapter.

You'll learn much more about the veil and Herpo later in the story; they will play an important role in the end. There is a ton going on in this, as you already know, I just have to keep everything straight for everybody's sakes!

Nah, not a lousy review at all, but feel better!

I'm glad that you are starting to like this!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #36, by Lululuna A Sirius Chat

23rd January 2014:
TAG! Right back at you. :P

Grace has gotten herself into such a pickle with Remus, but I can't say I'm overly sympathetic to her plight. She and Remus seem to have this amazing connection, so I secretly think that she should just go with the flow and ignore her destiny and how mean Snape is for now. :) I want to say that they're only sixteen and there's lots of time, but this is the Potterverse and James and Lily are going to be having a baby in a few short years, so I suppose that they are on a limited time frame.

Sirius was quite sweet here! I like how protective he is of Remus, and how he intervenes with Grace to talk about his friend's feelings. He has a really good point, however, with how likely Grace is to hurt Remus' feelings by acting so secretive and ashamed.

I was wondering, why is Grace so baffled by wizard currency? I think she came from America, so do the American wizards have a certain type of coin or just use Muggle money, or was Grace just too busy hunting demons to go shopping? A little mention of why she was so baffled might make that part even funnier. :)

I like the detail about Peter freaking out about the unicorn horn materials. It seems really in character with him here that he would overstress and worry about little things. I also like how assertive Sirius is, and how peppy and excited James gets when Lily's name is mentioned. It's quite endearing, and you write all the Marauders so distinctly and well. :)

The inclusion of the canon scene was really great - it didn't even occur to me that it was a year later. It actually sort of worked because I don't think there was necessary proof that Snape had apologized immediately after the Mudblood incident - for all I know it could have taken a year for him to get the chance (i.e. Grace being there!). It was a great tie-in with the books, and Mary is just hilarious.

Poor Remus. :( I felt so sorry for him when Grace runs after Snape - it's like the cherry on top for an impossible relationship. He's certainly justified in feeling crushed, poor boy. As for Severus himself, he really doesn't deserve to have Grace's attention! I like how you've kept him in character with his loathsome and rude behaviour and obsession with Lily, and how you make it difficult for Grace to get on with him, even if she is quite patient.

Agh, they're in another Cruor simulation?! Well, I hope it's simulated, because otherwise that is even more terrifying. Something tells me the Cruors are not going to end the test just to suit Grace - they really are a bunch of lazy puppetmasters in my opinion. :P

All caught up! :D I'm really excited for the next chapter. There's so much to look forward to: the visit to the Potters, Grace and Remus, the war in Cruor Terra, the future... oh, and whether Grace and Severus will survive this test!!! Can't wait! :D

Author's Response: Hey!

Grace, if you hadn't already figured that out, really doesn't know what the halibut she's doing most of the time ;). I wouldn't expect anybody to sympathize with her over Remus, because realistically she could probably date him for a while without consequence (or too much, anyway).

Sirius is good people, even if he and Grace don't get along right away. He does have a good point :D.

Oh, mph, another one of the things that I know but nobody else does because I didn't actually write it in the story. Grace is used to Muggle money, not wizarding money (from any country)-- I'll have to throw a little bit of information in.

Aw, thanks! I'm glad you like the Marauders!

No, there was never any real proof that the scene occurred right after, but it was bugging my head-cannon. Since this is strong AU, I keep trying to keep the things that I can close to cannon, and what better way to do that than actual cannon? :D Heheh, poor Mary. Everything about her character currently is the opposite of my head-cannon, but she serves her purpose.

:( Poor Remus. I don't enjoy writing a sad Remus, I have a little alternative story on the side for personal use, where I can rewrite certain scenes that make me sad (an AU of my AU?). Severus isn't very nice, is he?...actually, he's hardly even civil -_-.

Whoo, to Cruor (more action)! Heheh, I love that you hate the Cruors.

Yay! The next chapter is in the queue, and there's a TON of things that still need to happen. Ah, one thing at a time :D.

Thanks !!!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #37, by GingeredTea Hostage

23rd January 2014:
This was a really funny chapter. I love where you're going with this. I'm starting to like Grace more and Snape is becoming interesting. What you had her do to Regulus - that was funny. Loving the antics you have between her and Remus and the added Lily was great.

And she seemed, at the end, to be fitting in better.

Character, flow, and descriptions were all really good. I think I'm enjoin your writing more and more as the story goes on. :D

Author's Response: Ah, this one was fun to write. A little bit of chaotic antics can really lighten a story up, especially if there's a ton of information and just...stuff happening.

Slowly but surely, Grace is fitting into her new life.

Thanks so much!! :D

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #38, by toomanycurls A Sirius Chat

22nd January 2014:
haha, yeah, some review of mine got deleted so this is the new 500!!

Is that Sirius in the CI? It's kind of hilarious and makes me giddy.

This chapter made me want to cry and strangle people (you). :P It's just... I love how protective Sirius is of Remus but they can have a casual relationship, yes, right? or is that just me who can do that?

okay, moving back to chronological stuff...

I loved that Remus was so happy now that they were outed as a couple. He's so cute and adorable with his hugging and cuddling AND YOU RUINED IT FOR THEM! ah. *starts writing* "and then Tonks fell madly in love with Dawlish and wanted to have 100 babies with him"

^how you felt reading that is how I feel about them having this breaking up/swaying Grace from Remus thing going on!!

Sirius having a conversatin with Grace really does show his better side when it comes to his friends. He's kind of insensitive to her needs though (I mean, sure, they go to the coffee place together but really, that's a bit shallow of him). I really like that Grace throws up the Marlene issue.

Whoo! Snape is gettin' manipulated. :P I do love how you folded Grace into this scene from the books.

ahaha, Mary thinks she's dating Remus? Oh kids.

SHE SHOULD KISS HIM BECAUSE IT WOULD BE PERFECT!

*headdesk* of course Remus is jealous and Grace shouldn't go to see to snape. I don't care if they are soul mates. *grumbles* Is this chapter going to make me cry? Because, I feel it coming.

What? This is no time for being transported to Cruor Terra!! I imagine this will will make their relationship (more) awkward. ...I can't believe he's dead. Ah! I don't have any spare emotion for Snape when Remus' heart is about to be broken!

-Rose

Author's Response: Well, that just means that you get congratulated TWICE on the 500th! *Additional fanfare*!

:D Yeah, that's Sirius in the CI. I love that picture!

Ah, no strangling Rumpel! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Sirius just wants to protect Remus :(.

I'M SORRY THAT I RUINED THEM! Remus will be happy again! Uhm, baby-making with Anne constitutes happiness, right? So...no killing Rumpel, please. :( Not 100 babies!! The Weasleys didn't even do that to me (though I'd bet that they were trying). I'm sorry, sorry, sorry!

Ah, Sirius is coming around a little (a little). He's just still skeptical of Grace...I mean, she's a bit odd, so I can't say that I blame him ;).

Heheh, Grace is taking advantage of his love for Lily, which is wrong, but since when has Grace been privy to the difference between right and wrong? Tying it back to the books! Extra points for Rumpel!

:D My teenage drama! Well, a bit of drama anyway. It was giving me a headache so I removed Grace from the situation. Time to leave the room Grace, off to the downstairs and away from the screaming girls!

Of course Remus is jealous, but Grace is going to go see Snape anyway. Nope, this chapter wont make you cry... :D

This is the perfect time to go to Cruor! And then you so killed Snape off...-_- he just disappeared from his spot, doesn't mean his dead, you know? :p Bahaha, who cares if Snape's dead, Remus' heart is about to be broken! Gods that made me laugh. Remus will be OK! I promise! I won't permanently injure him, I promise!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #39, by toomanycurls Defining Right and Wrong; Butterflies

21st January 2014:
So!!! Happy 500! *confetti made from gold stars* *fireworks*

Just to be sure, you're getting a few just in case someone goes all Paul Bunyan their stories.

*this* is a fluffy interaction between Remus and Grace. I like that he's all complimentory about her social skills improving and that he said he might reconsider her belly rubbing offer. :D

Remus is a very good teaser - with his "this is just a thought - she might want to be friends with you" I just laughed and laughed until my husband asked who I made cry.

I do love that she's all tongue tied about Tonks. I want you to write in Remus/Tonks for this story explaining his thoughts when he remembers grace telling him about pink haired girls! DO IT!!

spunky bunny? *dies laughing*

*zombie rose here*

I don't like Mary either! But I like her brainzzz

Grace's jealousy is adorable as is Remus' realizaton that she's jealous.

I LOVE the distinction between being in love and being soul mates. It seems so profound.

...doesn't Grace understand that not every relationship needs to be with your soulmate?!?!! I should give her lessons on this.

um, wow, it just got very warm where I am.

THEY KISSED! IT WAS WONDERFUL! DO IT AGAIN!


Whoo! For going home for the holidays! boo to talking about grades...

I like that Remus is going for the Carpe Diem approach to snogging Grace. she should lighten up. *grumbles*

Grace plays the Ace (lily* card like a pro with Snape! You really captured him wonderfully here. wow, Regulus is kind of a jerkwad here.

oh hai - it is warm where they are but I like the warmth.

Is Grace's attitude here my punishment for Remus being like he is in Epitaph/HIMKL? I'm going to just lock them in a closet again and not let them out. And poor Remus thinks she's ashamed of being with him!! and Remus want's to be with her! :( :(

and he knows her Cruor language AND WHAT IS THE INTERVENTION FOR!??!

Amazing chapter! I need a drink now.

-Rose

Author's Response: Whoo! Happy 500th! *Fanfare and whathaveyou* And awe!!! For me? Yay!

Ahh...proper fluff. I'm slowly, kind of, figuring it out :). Remus is a perfect character to practice fluff with!

I'm sorry for making you cry from laughing :D, it's a common ailment that I, myself, suffer from -- laughing until I cry. Remus gets cheeky sometimes ;).

At risk of some spoilers, I have to focus pieces of later chapters on characters other than Grace in order to tie in some of the events of the Second Wizarding War. I've figured I would use Remus for some of those pieces, and reflecting on meeting Tonks and what Grace has said isn't a bad idea. :D

Spunky bunny :p. Oh, hello zombie Rose!

I hadn't planned on poor Mary's character to be so...abrasively teenage girl. She suits my needs, though :D. Oh well, Mary doesn't need to be liked; she just has to flirt with Remus and make Grace twitchy.

The difference between being in love and being soul mates makes for some challenging character relationship developments -- but, hey, Snape isn't very loving :D. It gives me a headache really, but that's okay! Challenge is my middle name. Rumpel Challenge GummyQueen-- it's what they call me *cough* ;p. Just don't ask who *they* are. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, love and soulmates. On the cosmic plane...well, it's complicated.

Grace doesn't understand as much of this as she thinks she does ;).

Warm is nice-- kisses!

Dumbledore playing the father role... -_- Grace will have to do better in school.

Poor Remus is forced to sneak around in closets. Well, at least they *are* kissing...for now ;).

Hooray for warm! It was weird writing a snogging scene, I kind of felt like I was invading their privacy...until I remembered that they don't have any privacy because I am their Rowling...muahahaha.

:D No, its a bumpy road in trying to establish a mature friendship between Remus and Grace that doesn't involve the snogging *hides*. Remus does want to be with her :(. Bumpy roads.

That will come into use later ;). Intervention! Heheh.

O.o Sorry! :D

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #40, by toomanycurls Argumentative

19th January 2014:
Dear Rumpel,

Never let me get behind again.

Fluff?!?! For ME?!? Aww, thank you!

Peter and Grace seem like they could be decent friends. Neither of them really fits in that well and they're both a bit eager for friendship and affection. Their banter is adorable! They both bring up good points about each other.

:D I love that Remus and James would get up in Peter's face if he messed wtih her. I dunno, it makes me all squishy inside.

Ah, I like Anne. Anyone who drops the f-bomb in a letter is automatically in my good graces. Did Grace use one of the school owls? It's a bit funny that Anne was going to eat it. :P Oh I hope Anne gets to live closer to Grace - she needs a good friend who she's trying not to make a relationship with. Didn't Peter notice she was reading? Oh well, he's still learning to socialize.

Everytime Remus pops into the story, I think he should start making out with Grace.

:-o She should go home for Christmas!! It would be so sweet. Was Remus mad that she talked about his monthly cycle in public? I didn't catch what she did. WHY AM I IN THE DARK LIKE GRACE?

Sirius is insuferable here. x-(

Remus should help Grace study by snogging her. just an idea! Woah, Remus is getting touchy and I like it! and, uh, so does Grace. NO! WHY DID SHE HAVE THE GUILT AND THE STOPPING? That's it, I'm starting on the Tonks/Dawlish story now. :P UGH!! WHY DOES REMUS KNOW ABOUT HER TRUE LOVE! WHY IS HE BEING SO INJURED! WHY ISN'T THERE SNOGGING?!?!

I'm going to lock them in a room until they start snogging! ah! this is killing me!

I love it when Grace goes off on him!! Whoo!! Wait? Is this your idea of fluff!! That's like me telling you the end of HIKML is fluff!! :P I guess it's kind of fluffy when they make up (but not make out!)

haha, red haired klepto! I love it!

Oh Sirius, learn to love Grace! Embrace Grace! just not in *that* way :P

Incredible chapter!!

-Rose

Author's Response: Dear Rose,

Uhm, okay, I'll try ;). I'll send you threatening PMs from now on, yeah?

Fluff! Well, a little bit of fluff (I'm still trying to figure out how to write that stuff.)

I think that if Grace didn't know what Peter would do, then they might make decent friends. I like playing around with his character as an anchor to the plot line. If I need to move the plot forward, then simply insert some Peter and Grace and BAM! Plot's going again. (Rumpel's tired, so this entire response may not make any kind of sense.)

Aha...rereading the beginning of this, I realized that *this* is the chapter where I must have been aneurism-ing while I was writing, given the grammar. ;) It's funny, because I even edited it twice before I submitted it...and still, there's at least two lines where I have no idea what I was trying to say -_-. Anyway...

I'd like to think that the Marauders would be good people to be good friends with... can't say so much about being their enemy ;). I especially think that if James Potter had a sister, then nobody would be allowed to mess with her...because she's James Potter's sister.

Anne's good people. Grace needs Anne to be there, because Anne's been like Grace's sister. Aaand, if we go back to the prologue, Anne makes a baby with Remus :D (whoo baby-making)! Peter probably gets ignored more than he thinks he does.

Okay, every time Remus pops into the story, I'll make sure to write a snogging scene before anything else takes place ;).

Remus walked into the Great Hall and immediately began snogging Grace on the Gryffindor table, despite the looks of the fellow student-body and Albus' unappreciative coughs. Then he helped Grace pull the eggs out of her hair (which was unfortunately supposed to be Peter's breakfast).

...Better? :D

Grace should meet her parents! It is a definite must-do. Remus was mad because he's being moody...leading up to the fight by the lake.

Eheheheh. Sirius *is* being insufferable (but he's also adorable so that makes up for it?).

I don't think that will help her studies, just saying ;). Touches! And the guilt and the stopping :D. Heheh. Whoa, wait! Not the Dawlish/Tonks! *covers eyes* And I'll be forced to read it because you wrote it and then I'll cry ;_;. Holy crows, ...hath no fury like the wrath of Rose... I'M SORRY!

Locking them in a room with their connection and teenage hormones may just get them there :D. So...you're so going to love me for an entire chapter! A whole chapter! ...then, maybe not so much after that. I will be hiding.

Erm, a little fluff? I'm still working on my fluff-abilities!

:D I have no idea why Lily turned out the way she did... I'm just running with it.

Oh boy, yeah, embracing Grace may make a certain werewolf very grumpy. Sirius will just have to embrace Marlene instead.

Whoo!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #41, by Penelope Inkwell The Trial

19th January 2014:
As far as hooks go, this is one of the better first chapters Iíve ever read on this site.

Iím in a script analysis class right now, and Iíve just been reading about literary hooks--the details that catch the audienceís attention and make them keep reading, because they simply have to know. A lot of writers attempt to use the particularly potent ones in their opening line, which is good logic. But this is even better, because your entire first chapter is riddled with them. Iíve had to read all about how important they are in a play, but honestly, I think hooks are even more vital in fanfiction, because if you canít keep someoneís attention, well, theyíve got the whole internet at their fingertips. They donít even have to move. And here youíve packed them in so beautifully. Like, wow.

From the first paragraph, Iím caught. Thereís no way Iím clicking off this story until I know whatís going on. Thereís all the signs of an epic struggle--dried blood, etc., thereís innocent lives at stake, and the woman in question can speak a great number of languages, so Iím already completely fascinated, and I donít even know her name.

Then, apparently the dead are coming back to life.

Then I do get the name, and itís like, ďWhat? Who is that?! What on Earth is happening here? I need to know

And from then on itís just one after the other, characters weíve loved and lost, characters we donít know with connections to ones we do. There are so many mysteries just packed into this, whetting our appetites for the answers. There are romances to be considered, and apparently non-romances that still yielded children, and chats with Death, and Iím on the edge of my seat. Who belongs to whom? Who raised whom and why?

And then, at the very end, we have someone who sounds very much like a villain coming out of the woodwork, and I have to know whatís going on with all that, too!

Also, your writing is very good. It flowed. In so many stories I read, the writing kind of gets in its own way, stopping up the progression of the story, but you have a really nice, subtle style. Good visuals without over-describing the details (especially in a scene like this, with so much going on). There were a few moments I noticed the strength of the writing, particularly the first paragraph, and the appearance/descrition of Atrum. Mostly, though, it all ran so smoothly that I got through with it without at first thinking about the style too much. Then I realized how smooth it had to be for me to have gotten through all that information without ever getting caught up in grammar or awkward phrasing or a missed opportunity (gushing here aside, I really can be rather picky). All that to say, youíve done a beautiful job not just in grabbing the reader with facts, but in how youíve written it as well.

Overall, I just have to tell you that this first chapter is brilliantly done. You must have put such careful consideration into trimming it down just right. Or maybe you were struck with one of those perfect writing periods, where somehow everything just comes out right. I donít know, but either way, I hope youíre proud of what youíve got here. I have no idea whatís to come, but I can tell you that you write a hell of a first chapter.

Some CC:

I donít have much at all. There was this sentence: "It was not a lie, she had been to hell and back just to be there but it was important that she kept the court date that would clear the names of the innocent.Ē Iím fairly certain there needs to be a comma before the ďbut. Or it may need to be broken up after ďlie" with a semi-colon (I am not a semi-colon expert. Those things are confusing. But it seems like it might be right).

The only other thing is that itís a huge amount of information youíre delivering here, and I find I canít quite keep everyone straight. Just to the point that, a few times, I was like, ďWait, who is whose father? Who mothered whom? Just because thereís a lot of that info is being thrown around and it got a little overwhelming. That said, when I think on it further, I think it may just be the nature of the beast. The pile up and wanting to know how everything connects is also one of this chapterís greatest strengths. Itís just the flip-side of the coin. Iím thinking everything will be clearly explained in the next chapters, so really, itís probably not a problem at all. You just may want to make sure that youíre very firm in the future when you start unravelling all this information, because there seem to be enough connections that we could easily get lost, especially since fanfiction doesnít usually get read all in one sitting, and the audience has to remember the details over the course of the story being written and updated.

Overall, I am fascinated. Iím going to have to read more of this. I know Iíve said it, but it really is one of the most gripping opening chapters. Bravo, Rumpelstiltskin! Very, very well done.


P.S. I know you almost certainly know what hooks are. The only reason I explain it is to really drive home what a good job you did with them. And now Iím getting redundant. Iíll stop talking about it. But honestly, Iím not usually this gushy--almost always complimentary, but rarely so effusive. It was just really well done, so I felt that I had to be!

--Penny

Author's Response: Sorry about the delay in responding (forgive me?)!

Whoo! Rumpel will give herself gold stars...and thank you so much! I don't know how to respond to that, otherwise.

There's just so much happening in the opening chapter! This poor chapter has undergone so much reconstruction, just to attempt to make things clear and understandable (it's an organized information dump).

My main goal of posting this chapter (because it could have worked chronologically in its place) was to create a hook, so I'm super excited that you thought it was effective!! :D You get gold stars for making my day!

Ah, thanks for the CCs (they are my best friends)! Yes, there should be a comma there (oops). Commas are one of my downfalls (as well as descriptions). I just need to remember to put a comma in before a conjunction (I should write lines).

As for the confusion, I'm still fighting with that. This first chapter takes place 22 years after the next chapter, so a great deal of the information won't become clearer until the end of the story. That being said, I still have a lot of work to do ;).

Yes, that's a great suggestion. I'll definitely be sure to reiterate some of these main points, so that the confusion doesn't spread.

Gah...just thanks so much! I don't know how to more clearly express my gratitude other than thanks and gold stars! :D

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #42, by 800 words of heaven Words, Words, Words

18th January 2014:
REVIEW SWAP!

Finally! Some explanations! I love explanations! Explanations are great! I especially like how you've managed to build an entirely new world inside HP's already quite huge one. Fanfic is great that way, and I'm intrigued to learn more.

Is Grace the way she is because she hasn't spent time around people her own age? I can't remember what things were like for her at Noctem, but it sounds as if she never learnt the rules concerning communication with people her own age. Or is that just part of who she is? Her powers make her so different, and so far she's been living with people who are different like her, that it makes sense that she doesn't quite know what to do around people who for lack of a better word are "ordinary".

Ooh! I wonder what her connection with Snape is? I don't really like him as a character in the series, so I'm really excited about the direction you'll take him in.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Whoo! Explanations! -_- This world is complicated, on top of HP's huge one...what did I get myself into? ;)

Mostly, Grace hasn't spent time with many people outside of Anne or Albus. She has virtually no social graces (gold stars for a pun) at this point in the story, for, yeah, just that.

A Snape-hater? You're trying to break my heart, yeah? :D Well, whether or not you like him in this may depend on one of the two directions I've been playing with near the end of the story... leaning towards the not-so-much.

Thanks for the swap!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #43, by GingeredTea Amends and Negligence

18th January 2014:
This was a cool chapter. I really appreciated the way you show Grace becoming more... erm graceful.

Your flow and characterizations were really well done here and I liked the way you wrote Severus.

Remus seems to be warming up to her again, yeah? I'm interested in where this will be going. :)

Author's Response: Hey there!

Ah, thanks! I'm trying to be careful with Severus' characterization, he's a tough one sometimes.

Yeah! Going several places -_-...several places.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #44, by Lululuna Defining Right and Wrong; Butterflies

17th January 2014:
Hello! :)

Wow, that escalated quickly! I love all the relationship and teenage soul-mate confusion and angst going around here between all of the characters. I actually really like Remus and Grace together: they're in that honeymoon-stage where they just can't keep their hands off each other and it's very cute and endearing. You write romance really well as well as all the intense action scenes and wacky Grace moments! :D

Haha, it makes me laugh/cringe to think of the marauders watching Grace and Remus' dots on the map and plotting their intervention. The map is rather creepy when you think about it. If I was a parent I'd keep it for myself and keep tabs on what my kid was up to at school- though admittedly sometimes it's better not to know! I'm sure James might be feeling that way a little now.

It's a little sad how reluctant Severus is to get to know Grace, and how infatuated he is with Lily instead. Even that in order to hang out with Grace, he needs to be bribed with getting to see Lily. It just makes all the unrequited love and soul mates so confusing! Though to be fair, considering the fact that Severus did change his whole life for the sake of Lily's memory it makes sense that he would still be very much smitten here.

"I'm not in love with Severus. We're soul mates." Yes, Grace, that makes a lot of sense. But it's not her fault, I blame the Trucido tradition and Death. Hey, is Grace ever going to bring back all the old Trucidos from the grave and rant at them for leaving her without any aid or other descendants to face the perils of decapitating vampires and facing off smouldering teenage boys on her own? Because she should. :P

This was a really entertaining and sweet chapter! I wish I could be more interesting with this review but I've mostly just been rambling and giggling - I'm sorry. :( It's your fault for writing such engaging characters and putting them in these crazy situations! :)

Ah, only one more chapter until I'm caught up with this story! I'm excited to start on your other stories as well! :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm doing something ;). Somewhere along the line, tension built between Remus and Grace. So, get it out, get it over with! They need some conflict anyway, because I need to work on some other character building elements and Remus is getting in the way ;). And, of course, teenage hormones :D...-_- writing the teenage years is killing me. I can't wait until they are over.

Hahah... I'm sure James was averse to watching Remus and Grace dots on the map. Speaking of the map, nobody (Fred and George) didn't notice that Peter Pettigrew was in Ron's bed every night? Just saying. :p.

Lily...the bane of my Snape/Oc writing :D. Lily's good people, so I can't hate on her just for that, and neither can Grace (because I said so). It definitely causes their relationship to be tough to develop at all, but I've got some mad tricks up my sleeve. (Mad tricks...Rumpel's clearly overtired.)

If given the opportunity, I'm sure Grace would love to do that. Poor confused teenage Grace.

Sorry for putting my characters in situations :), but your review was lovely! Thank you!

Rumpel needs to update, this next chapter is fighting with me a little (well, one scene anyway). ;)

-Rumpel



 Report Review

Review #45, by Lululuna Argumentative

16th January 2014:
Hello! :)

I'm actually so excited for Grace to go home and meet her parents. It's so surreal that she shares them with James, even if he's the one who was raised by them, and I really hope that she'll get the chance to speak with them and for both parties to get answers from each other. It's quite sad how uninvolved they were in one another's lives. I was also wondering, since Grace can see the future and the Potter parents (I think) die sometime before James and Lily do, wouldn't she want to meet them before their inevitable fate? Or maybe she doesn't know their fates, I'm not sure.

I actually quite like Peter, and I'm glad you're including him and making him an important and entertaining character. I like how sassy he and Grace are, and how she just really doesn't trust him. It's nice to see Peter as a fully participating prankster.

I don't really know what to think about Remus and Grace at the moment. I'm actually quite on Remus' side when he gets angry, because Grace is giving him mixed signals and being rather unfair. It's like she doesn't realize that touching and having intimate moments can mean as much as a kiss. They're clearly very physically comfortable and drawn to one another, but it's hard to see where the relationship is going for Remus and I can see how that's frustrating. I really liked when he was raging about her following what her book says to do about love: the line about the book telling her to snog Snape especially made me laugh.

So did the foreshadowing about Tonks! I loved how she kept bringing it up and Remus was just SO confused. "I don't know anybody with pink hair..." Well don't worry Remus, you will! The whole destiny and soulmate thing is just too complicated, I would probably want to rebel against it if I were involved. Sometimes it's just better to not know. But I'm quite glad Remus reamed Grace out: as much as I adore her, she did deserve it.

Lily as a klepto is quite funny. She really is quite quirky! I laughed when James didn't know who Grace was talking about when she mentioned Lily: I guess he can be a little slow sometimes. :P

Great chapter! I'm really looking forward to the holiday visit, I hope it all happens! :D

Author's Response: Okay, I think I've caught up with responding to your reviews!!

Grace needs to meet her parents, with the majority of her existence being kept away from them. I'm looking forward to writing that, very much. Grace doesn't know her parents fates, yet, as they haven't fit into her timeline of knowledge. I'm pretty sure that they die before Lily and James, as well.

I'm glad that you like Peter. He's quite fun during one-on-one conversations with Grace.

Oh the little bit of drama. Over the next few chapters, I've given a go at trying to write in-character to teenagers. -_- I hate writing teenagers, as it turns out, but there's a reason to my madness, so bear with me.

Grace is given mixed signals, Remus is confused, Grace is confused, madness ensues. I agree with Remus having justification for his frustrations, poor guy. This is where I begin to do something, so that something else can happen, for the benefit of something else. That's very vague, but I can't exactly come out and say it without giving everything away :D. Remus is blaming the book for her mixed signals, mostly. I'm glad it made you laugh.

She absolutely did deserve it, and you're totally allowed to be on Remus' side through the next several chapters, though I hope you see Grace's side. Tonks! I love Tonks, and it's hard to keep her out of the story, even when she won't be around for quite some time!

As I read reviews, I sometimes look back through the chapter to reread certain scenes. I have to apologize for the grammar upfront, *cough* apparently rereading it before I submitted it did absolutely nothing for the grammar situation. I'll have to edit, so sorry for having to read through all of that. "Grace felt regrettable" -- oh boy.

I've been trying to bring depth to Lily's character. How she became a repeat book-theif, well, that just happened, and I'm not entirely sure why, but it is entertaining. James can be a little slow sometimes :D!

Thanks so much, sorry again about the grammar issues ;).

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #46, by kenpo A Rat in the Kitchens

16th January 2014:
You're probably getting sick of my random reviews, but I like writing them and this story lends itself so well to them. SO HERE GOES.

Albus is falling? Albus is dying, right?
Yup!
It'd be so horrible to know how everyone is gonna die... and when.

Fried tomatoes sound fantastic right now. A Full English sounds so good right now... ugh sausage and bacon and baked beans... by the end of this review I might take a break to make some eggs.

James is eating eggs. Would he mind if I eat them instead? I don't even care if they're from the 70s (80s?). Grace can revive them or something.

I bet Grace is going to rock potions. Or be terrible. One or the other. No middle ground.

Grace and Severus. I'm really curious to see what happens with that. Really really curious.

I just texted my dad to tell him that he should make me a full English. If he responds by the end of the review I'll let you know.

"You know..." Grace began,
need a comma?

I love that she doesn't know what a Chaser is. I can't even imagine Peter on a broom. Poor fellow.

My dad responded "sausage beans mushrooms bacon eggs fried bread blood pudding - let's do it."

Remus! Let her help!

"Promise me you wont try to come and see me then
won't won't won't!!!

James has his back, that's nice. Even though it's totally in Remus' best interest (as far as I can tell) to let Grace help him.

OHMYGOD GRACE. YOU CAN'T JUST RUB PEOPLES BELLIES WITHOUT THEM ASKING. SHE'S SO AWKWARD I LOVE HER.

Oh hey I forgot that she's James' sister.

A heart-to-heart with Peter! I love that you treat him like an actual character and don't just pretend that he doesn't exist.

Normalcy is not something you can teach somebody. Those of us in fandoms know that.

The simple scratching sound that was borne from a quill meeting a piece of parchment was one of Grace's new favorite things.

What a great line.

Wait actually that entire paragraph.

You're marvelous.

I like the conversation between Lily and Grace and... whoa I already forgot the third girl's name. It started with an A. I clearly have a very low level of reading comprehension.

Allie? NO IT'S ALICE I THINK.
Yes. Okay. I can move on now.

Cruor Terra... Earth... Blood.

Vampires were barbarous creatures whose blackened souls were cursed to remain within their bodies; keeping them living, unable to leave the world in death while every being they had ever cared about would grow old and wither away.

You're such a good writer.

How did you come up with these ideas about the Vampires? You're amazing.

Oh! Yay! Translations!

Okay. This is so good. It's so weird and confusing but I love it. I'm just along for the ride. Other readers might be really frustrated at this point, but I'm not. I'll just fangirl over you for a minute and then go make eggs.

How do you come up with this stuff?? Raaah I wish I could be that creative. This is so ridiculously AU and I love it. So much. This is fantastic.

I thought the foreign language was woven in very well. I'm so curious to see what happens next!!

This is seriously so good. I'm so happy that this exists.

Author's Response: :D Randomness is fun, and it entertains me!

Yeah, Albus is doing his death fall, over and over again. Grace's got a lot on her plate.

Even if Grace resurrected the breakfast, I'm sure it just wouldn't taste the same ;). Eggs and tomatoes do sound delicious, though.

She can't be adequate at making potions? ;p

Grace and Severus...it's complicated -_-.

I do need a comma! Thank you.

She's not Quiddich-savvy that's for sure. Peter on a broom...I'm sure the poor guy can fly (sort of).

Whoo! Breakfast!

Remus is stubborn, and a bit skeptical of the strange girl. Won't! -_- I'll get that right eventually.

James loves Remus! And his sister's a bit eccentric...I can't say that I blame him.

:D I love how awkward she is, too!

Peter! Guy needs a bit of recognition, before he betrays Harry's parents, anyway.

That's it, I'm making a pin that says "You're Marvelous". ;)

Alice, Neville's mom :D.

Roughly translated to Land of Blood, roughly (you'll have to excuse my rough Latin to English translations, I use them to my benefit).

Er...the vampires are a mix of folklore in combination with some original ideas that coincided with the blood magic (whoo! blood magic, that's fun, we'll get more into that later).

Weird and confusing is how I roll :D. The foreign language is actually more of a code (because I'm not taking the time to come up with an entire language, rules and all, otherwise). Apparently, that "language" was created by my great-gran and her best friend, and then passed down to the rest of us. It's easy to learn, when spoken, but I think I'm the first to actually write it.

Whoo! I'm glad you like it :D!

Thanks so much! Won't, won't, won't, won't, won't, won't, won't...

-Rumpel



 Report Review

Review #47, by Lululuna Illuminating the Night

15th January 2014:
Hello! :)

The beginning section really had me on the edge of my seat. Honestly, I would have been convinced that Grace was a goner from that vampire were it not for 75% of the chapter still remaining and at least three more chapters. :P I was actually completely surprised when it turned out to be a simulation, so you really got me there!

I love how you wrote the (well, now I know it's fake) action scene, it was absolutely riveting. You wrote Grace's thought process in really well with the fast paced combat all the creepy things which she feels in the dark are so delectable. It was just an awful yet awesome moment when she licks the blood to find out what it is- that's so gross, but a reasonable first reaction in an odd sort of way. I'm also a big fan of severed heads popping up in stories - at least two of my stories feature them somehow - so her seeing Agmund's head in the simulation was a wonderfully horrific detail.

The blood ribbons thing was so creepy - it reminded me a little of a public waterfountain for vampires! I'm glad that wasn't real as it really scared me and the fact that the vampires have magical powers as well and what they use human blood for makes them very formidable enemies.

I was a little frustrated with the Cruors with how judgemental and hard they are on Grace: after all, isn't she sort of doing them a favour by helping out? It seems like a big burden for a 16-year old to take on alone and they really don't seem very grateful. Her musings when she was about to "die" on why she was there in another realm were so true.

Aw, poor Snape! He's awful here, but the marauders giving him a bath was a bit of a low blow. I'm really looking forward to finding out how he comes around to Grace because I have no idea how you're going to do it, so I'm excited to see it! :D

The conversations about the giant squid truly being a kraken were so funny! It's a very good point.

Remus and Grace's Servator/friend/warm-and-squishy relationship just gets more and more intruiging with each chapter. I thought it was pretty adorable when she crawled into his lap and really can't blame her after the day she's had.

It was nice to get to know Lily a bit more- she reminds me of Hermione in a way, with how eager she is to learn. She seems a little nosy as well, but in a caring way. I feel like Grace has been neglecting the girls in favour of the boys a little so I'm looking forward to getting to know them better, especially considering the explosion of children and baby mamas mentioned in the prologue! :)

Amazing chapter, as always! :) I'm so close to catching up to the latest chapter now! :D

Author's Response: I'm realizing now how many of your reviews I haven't responded to, sorry about that!

This was fun, and my first fan fiction action scene! I'm happy that it was able to capture some anticipation and worry! As it turns out, I love writing action scenes (which also means that I get to listen to a ton of action-y music while I write)! Grace tasting the blood was gross, but it was the best way to go about discovering what the substance was without sight. Though, I do highly recommend not licking strange wet substances you find in the darkness o.O. Severed heads provide awesome horror-factors into stories, don't they?

The vampires of Cruor are a force to be reckoned with, I'd have to say. I suppose that's why the war has been going on for so very long.

Grace is young, and doing them a great favor. Later, you'll see how they constantly compare her to Elizabeth, and how Grace's capabilities fall short in that comparison. We'll get into that later on though. Grace's best moments of clarity will come around the times she's facing her mortality, or has faced her mortality. So, if you ever want to make a point to her, do it while she's dying ;).

Severus' mood is directly effected by the bath the Marauders forced upon him. Grace being James' sister doesn't exactly help the situation. I have things up my sleeve! And I'm exceedingly happy that I've figured their relationship development out beforehand because this one is a doozy. :D

:p Grace's method for quickly avoiding a form of confrontation: speculate about the species of the creature that dwells within the lake.

Remus and Grace, no comment :D.

I'm still working on Lily, as I haven't had to focus on her all that much so far. Grace will get the opportunity to know the girls soon ;). Babies! No comments.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #48, by LightLeviosa5443 Merlin Was a Slytherin

14th January 2014:
Hi!

The conversation was not too long at all. The conversation was perfect. I feel like after this chapter there are some things about Grace that I understand a little bit better. Parts that I got before, but now I can fully grasp. I think this was a fantastic chapter purely for that reason alone.

I also really liked how this chapter highlighted James and Grace's relationship. I loved how you showed a brotherly/sisterly relationship between the two. It was really sweet to read about, and it was certainly an interesting chapter. I can't wait to see how they interact in the future after having their heart to heart of sorts.

I'm also really interested in what Lily has to say to Grace, as Grace still managed to avoid her! I'm sure it'll be really different and just all sorts of fabulous, because every chapter seems to end up that way.

Thanks for writing such a brilliant piece of work, because it's keeping me extremely and thoroughly entertained.

I tried really hard not to gush this time. I think I did an okay job.

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hi!

Oh good. With all of the new information introduced in the chapter, I was afraid it would become a bit monotonous, so I'm glad you didn't think it was too long. I used James to answer some long-overdue questions ;) (luckily, it also helped me work on James' characterization).

Given events that you don't know about yet, James will be somebody that Grace comes to rely on (sort of). As soon as I began playing around with James' characterization, their personalities kind of clicked together for brother-sister interactions, so I'm glad that you enjoyed them :D.

I'm still working on Lily's characterization. We're fighting as character-writer (I don't know why she hates me). You'll have to let me know what you think of her in the future ;).

Gah, thanks for leaving such love-filled reviews, because that is keeping ME entertained ;).

Thanks so much!! (!!!...)

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #49, by LightLeviosa5443 Hostage

14th January 2014:
So, the more I read, the more I want to gush.

So then I re-read, because I think, well, if I gush I have to say something constructive, right? Well I get so excited about re-reading that I forget I'm looking for something constructive to say.

So then I re-re-read. Yeah. This cycle isn't working. So I'm going to cut to the chase. I love this story, it's amazing. Your characterization is brilliant, and Sirius cracks me up with his incessant hunger! I love how Grace was in shock at how Peter could possibly become evil. And I can't wait to read about what James and Lily could possibly want to talk to Grace about! Those will be two very interesting conversations!

I love your characterization of Remus. It's so interesting, and that connection the two of them have is so powerful I just love reading about it. I can't wait to see how Grace and Severus develop as well. Brilliant, capturing Regulus. I can't wait to see how that backfires. This whole thing was just brilliant.

I give up, I'm not constructive tonight. I love your story. Keep writing so that you won't break my heart and I'll have something to read and gush over. Kay? Kay.

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hello again!

That's quite a lot of reading (and rereading and re-rereading) ;).

Wow, I'm definitely feeling the love. I'm glad you like Sirius and the concept of Marauder-Peter vs Evil-Peter. I'm more so ecstatic that you're enjoying Remus. Sometimes the character I need him to be and the character that his cannon implies are two completely different beings. While I have a bit of room to work with the wolf as a justification, I still have to hinder some of the progress because Remus is being difficult :p. Regulus! Keep an eye on him for me, yeah? He'll be important at some point in the story, so I must keep him around.

Uhm, kay! :D I can do that.

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #50, by LightLeviosa5443 Amends and Negligence

14th January 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

WHY IS THIS STORY SO GOOD?! lksmdlm;weilfv. I'm extremely jealous of your writing skills. This story is captivating and incredible and descriptive and the characters make sense, and flow, and they just fit perfectly. You do such a wondeful job and everytime I read this story I fall a little more in love with it, and hate myself a little more for not being able to write like this. Bravo! Bravo!

I want to keep reading on forever, honestly. This story is just so interesting. There's so many layers and so many different directions that you could take that really the story has endless possibilities. It's impossible for me to predict what is going to happen in this story because you're just brilliant. You mind has worked magic once more. I'm pretty sure I just babbled that whole thing. I don't even remember what I said.

What I'm trying to say is, I love this story, I loved this chapter. Your characterization is spot on, the story flows flawlessly and the writing style is so addictive and effortless I just want to read it for days!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Hai!

I'm sorry! Did you seriously just read three chapters in one go? Woah...that's a lot of Everto. Gah! Don't hate yourself :(, I am certain that you write fabulously (and I'm not that good ;p).

Heheh, well, thanks so much :D! I'm glad you like it! It's fun to write, so my only hope would be that it is equally fun to read!
Though, my madness is only contagious for some people ;).

-Rumpel


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>