Hello there! I'm back for the second chapter as requested. :)
And what a great chapter it was. This was really a wonderful chapter. You kept the tone of the story the same, keeping that wonderful sense of mystery. You really went about it all perfectly. Absolutely brilliantly.
Some questions were beginning to be anwered, that much I could tell. But you did it perfectly. While answering some of my queries, you only created more in this awesome way that made it all the more compelling.
You've kept so much up in the air thus far with your plot. You have me dying to know what is truly going on here. Well done, and you did an awesome job answering our queries. The flow of this chapter was awesome. The dialogue went with it perfectly, holding a sense of worry for the entire situation and yet still vague enough with the comments of the Weasleys and Lupin etc. for us to still wonder just what is going on.
You have an awesome mystery here. I can't wait to find out what's going on.
The descriptions of the Weasleys and Lupin I think are perfect. They seem very in canon and you are developing Missy's character very well. I can't wait to learn more about her. :)
Great flow, grew piecing together of the story. Just great job overall.
And that last bit with the egg yoke. That was quite clever and was just another aspect that made me wonder about what's going on. It made me wonder if this girl is Hermione, but I know better. I couldn't be; everyone would have reacted at her appearance. So then why are they acting so similarly? Gah! Such a brilliant little twist to the plot that you threw in there. :)
I passed a few grammar mistakes, just misplaced commas I believe. So nothing big and nothing to worry about. That's all so easy to overlook. Great job! :)
Thanks for coming to request again! I'm sorry this review was shorter and a little vague. I gave this review from my phone because my laptop crashed, but I still hope that you found it useful. :)
Feel free to come request again! Thanks! :) And wonderful job.Author's Response: hehehehe, thank you but you did the wrong story :D thank you though for your kind words to this story. i think it needs it since i heave plenty of insults at it ;D But i am pleased you enjoyed it thus far :D Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested!
And holy cow! I'm so glad you did. Already in this first chapter, I can tell that you have a wonderful story set up here. You set up a great, mysterious atmosphere. Seriously, this was a brilliant first chapter.
It started off so mysteriously, and I was on the edge of my seat and so intrigued. I wanted to know what was going on so badly, and I was so confused about what you had here, butI was so eager to learn more. The way you worded your sentences and pieced them together added to the sense of mystery in this story, and it was wonderful. You did it fantastically.
I am so curious to see what is going on here. You are obviously quite good at your mystery and know what you have going on here. ;) That's wonderful.
So, plot wise I can't give you much other than the fact that you have perfectly set up the most wonderful mystery here.
And the girl who doesn't know who she is, what she is, or where she comes from either is even more perfect and original. She seems great, and I'm just so excited to see what you have going on here. This is so clever!
Your flow was perfect. You didn't dwell too much on anything; it was all spaced beautifully and mixed perfectly with the actions, dialogue, descriptions, thoughts, etc. So well done with that!
I see that you are curious about your characters. I can't gigve you much input on the main characteer yet, but I'm sure that will change as the story develops, and everyone seems great personality wise. I think you have done a fine job with that.
The only thing I spotted that I believe could use some work character-wise is this:
"I think we must Lupin, we are not going to get a direct answer from her if we don't." Lupin sighed.
"I hoped it wouldn't come to this." Lupin then pulled out a small flask from his robes."
Ah. Looking it over now, I see that Terry is the speaker of the first paragraph, but the way you have set it up makes the reader first assume that Lupin has said the first line because his name is directly paired with it. Maybe I'm the only one who feels like this way, but I would suggest to separate the different dialogues and actions of different characters into different paragraphs to avoid confusion. But that's it. :)
So that's my two cents about the characterts so far. As for their personalities and development, it is going wonderfully. I would just suggest ordering the names in the actions and dialogue different to make sure we know there has been a transition between the two. :)
And then one thing I passed that I thought I could point out:
Where you were today?"
I'm pretty sure you are wanting this to say 'where were you today?' Just thought I would point that out. :)
All in all, I think you are off to a great start! Swell job. You clearly know what you are doing and I am so impressed. Wonderful!
My queue has currently exploded out of no where, so I am going to empty it out and return for the next chapter. However, if you haven't heard from me in a day or two, feel free to come request again! :) Thank you!Author's Response: ah! you found this old thing! I need to delete this one so it doesn't get confused with the other. I'm actually looking for reviews for La Mascarade which used to be called Guiding Light :D
But anyhoo, thank you so much for reading this and thinking it was good. You review is so lovely and flattering and i'm shocked you are so complimentary of this 4 year old story! I cringe when i read it! I'm glad you enjoyed this first chapter though... :D Report Review
love it update soon and poor missy/hermione...hope they find he soon Report Review
hi! I think this story is brilliant, it's extremely captivating and I love how Fred cares for Hermione. When is the next update coming up? I've been waiting for QUITE a while to see what happens next! :)Author's Response: hi! yeah. three years later and i'm back on hpff. i'm sorry for being so inconsistant. Anyway, i'm hoping for an update right now but i really want to do a rewrite of this right now so it might be a little while longer
with that said, thank you so much for all your support and kind words! i hope that you can stick with this for a bit longer, trust me, the result will be worth it! Thank you again for taking some time to review and demand an update :D. Life get's busy sometimes, i'm hoping i can carve some time in my life to start writing again. it's been a long halt to my writing. Report Review
i hope they find her soon!! 9/10 =] Report Review
poor fred and missy!! 9/10 =] Report Review
please let that be someone coming to save missy!! 9/10 =] Report Review
ginny took ron to freds apartment to get the truth?? 9/10 =] Report Review
is harry dead? wat happened to him? 9/10 =] Report Review
rons alive?? i hope fred hits him for what ron has put his family through!! 9/10 =] Report Review
that would be crushing if missy had a husband and a whole other family!! 9/10 =] Report Review
poor fred. he has been carrying around that guilt for 5 years. 9/10 =] Report Review
what happened?? where is missy?? 9/10 =] Report Review
how did ron and harry die? 9/10 =] Report Review
but lupin cant be right! missy is hermione... isnt she? 9/10 =] Report Review
i swear i have read this before!! oh well i dont mind reading it again. 9/10 =] Report Review
a very good story
there are few grammatical mistakes, but otherwise story is moving on fine.
i hope ron doesnt get portrayed in negative at the endAuthor's Response: thank you so much. Things will turn out in the end, as eveyrone in the story deserves. cheers Report Review
aww... no fair! I want to read more!! :D I can't wait for the next chapter!
--GwynAuthor's Response: :) i will try and get something written for this, but for now this story is on a temporary hiatus with me being in uni i don't have time to write anymore. Thanks for your review andi hope you check back later for more updates!!!
cheers. Report Review
yu cant end there! what happens? Do they except it (as if), or kill him n rescue Hermione? Who does she choose Ron or Fred?
Please finish it!
fyi you are an amazing writer and i love every line. I also like the way you go into a different story that it unique. Report Review
ohhh shoot I wanna know what happens, update son please.
I love this so bad.Author's Response: Oh thanks! I'm glad you do! I can't believe it's been so long since i've updated! The last few months have not seemed that long! Everything is hectic i hope i can get another update soon! Report Review
this is a really good chappie i am really worried thogh it was like ginny was the excercis girl keep up the good workAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Excercis girl? not sure what that means... thanks though! keep reading Report Review
Shut up, OMG I know she's there!!! Dude, this story rocks, I love it, and personally, I would have killed Ron if he had shown up after pretending to be dead. And you know something, George is right. Ron is selfish! Anyway, in case you couldn't tell, I love this story, and I can't wait for an update.
LaivineAuthor's Response: Do you really? wow, that's news to me ;) hehehe. Ron? But then they might end up in Azkaban and that wouldn't go over so well, don't you think? Ron is selfish. Yes. Selfish selfish, just wants the girl he loves thats all. Lol. thank you so much for your review! keep reading and reviewing to find out what happens!! Report Review
Ok I didn't know that it was going to get that like wow. I can't believe that Ron would pretend to be dead, but on the other hand I know why he did it.
Great jobAuthor's Response: :) it surpirsed you then? Lovely haha, i'm so cunning. As long as you understand, thats the biggest part i had trouble with. i had to have a reason good enough so that it would make sense to why he would do that. :) Yeah for me. Thank you soo much for your review Report Review
this is so good!
please update soon!Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much, i try to make it so. I'll try :) cheers, keep reading and reviewing! Report Review
dude!! Is ginny under the thingy curse? imperious is it?
Save hermione/missy I don't like her alone!! :(
HurtfulEyesAuthor's Response: I hope not either, that would be a dreadful thing to be placed under i must admit. Thanks so much for review and keep reading, Hermione may yet get found, who really knows though. cheers Report Review
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