Hey there. Rocket here with the review you requested at the forums.
I'm going to guess this is AU? Since it's set in 2000, and Tonks is alive.
Anyway, I actually really liked this. The only very slight critique I have is at the beginning, when she mentions something about 'remembering who she was'. . . Well, I don't know much about amnesia, but I would imagine that a person with amnesia wouldn't realize that they didn't know who they were. Unless of course you were just making her snarky, and a tad disgruntled.
Anyway, I don't really know what this is about at all yet! Hah. I liked the descriptions a lot, and, though I know very little about spies and agents, you did well with that whole aspect. I liked how well the two agent auror things just. . . blended in with each other, and with Tonks.
Anyway, I'd like to see what else you have in store. . . so feel free to re-request anytime!!!Author's Response: Yes. It is AU. I made that decision a really long time ago.
The truth is, K doesn't really have amnesia, exactly. She knows what happened to her and what is going on. She really was being snarky and disgruntled.
I'm glad you were a little out of your element, though. I wanted to make readers a tad confused and speculative.
Thank you so much for dropping by. I really appreciate your thoughts! Report Review
There are so many good things about this fic. So, so many.
First, the fact that the war is not over. With the release of DH, war stories are rare. Most people don't really like toying with what JKR wrote and it's so sad. Because I think some of the best stories are about war. They include the action, the sadness, the grief, the mystery and the intensity. So I'm really excited that this has the war being written into it.
The idea of it is a really good one, too. And it's just so spy-like! As someone who was slightly a little bit too obsessed with the TV show Alias, I am such a sucker for spy drama. If written well, I lap it up like a greedy dog on a hot summer's day. I absolutely adore it. And you have written it so well. It's perfect. It has enough mystery and confusion in it to keep the reader intrigued and the whole concept is just... Wow. Love it. And it all works so well.
Part of that is attributed to the characters, K and D. You mentioend in your request that you were concerned the air of mystery might put readers off. I don't think it will. You give enough detail for us to understand what's going on, yet you leave enough for us to contemplate and speculate over. K and D are the root of all that. They're just so mysterious. And, although you have given us clues as to the types of characters they are, at the same time, we really have no idea who they are. And I love that. Hell, we don't even know what their real names are!
And The Organisation. I wonder what it is all about. And how it ties in with The Order. There are just so many questions I have! I think there might be a little bit of tension between the Order members and Kendra and Doyle. The way you described what they are there for, particularly in Chapter 2, makes me think they might be slightly more reckless than those in the Order. And I can see some arguments and tension in the future.
And of course, the touches of romance. How pathetic am I that I already want K and D to get together? God, I swear, I am such a hopeless romantic, it's really quite sad. Haha. But you have it sort of... I don't know. You have it in the air and it's like you're toying with us. You know that we're thinking about the romantic side of it but, at the same time, you don't really mention it. Evil. Heh. But I love it. Don't get me wrong, though. While I absolutely love the romance side of fics, all the rest of it is just amazing. It really is.
You have me intrigued. And you have such an awesome set of OCs that you can really play with. I can't wait to see how they form relationships with the Order members and how the rest of the war pans out. It's all so interesting and you've made a really, really good first 2 chapters to start you off.
Ju :]Author's Response: Wow. That's a fantastic review. I must confess to being a little intimidated about responding.
I was actually really nervous about going back to the war. I just felt that there was so much, how to put this, unfinished business? I almost felt that it was too easy, even with the losses they incurred. If Voldemort had built this network up, I thought it might take time to take it down.
I'm glad you liked the spy element and K and D themselves. They are, perhaps, my favorite characters that I have ever written. I feel like I know them. But I was worried people might not follow certain aspects of them (codenames and the like).
You can expect that tension. The Order doesn't currently trust these outsiders, and the Organization has its own protocol and policies for situations like these. The thing is, K and D won't be able to justify what their training is telling them; they just have to trust that it's right.
I wanted a little whiff of romance between them, because there's definitely something there, but I didn't want it to be overpowering, and I didn't want the reader to get the sense that they were already together, because they aren't in any real sense.
Thank you such much for the review! I really appreciate your comments - they're very encouraging! Report Review
Hi NGseries here to review! :D
Another well done chapter. This one I'd say has few negatives, it had a strong plot and was honestly just a good, descriptive, chapter. The imagery in this was phenomenal, as was the elaboration you used. I'm also glad to see you've stuck with the [code] names Kendra and Doyle. It makes it easier now that you're not calling them K and D anymore. It's just simpler to keep up with. The flow improved in this chapter - I thought it just moved along a bit more.
cheersAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. I wrote this chapter all in one go, so it doesn't really have the fragmentation of the original.
Yay! I love the word phenomenal! It makes me sooo happy!
Thank you so much! I'm very glad to have received these reviews! Report Review
Hello there, NGseries here. :D
Well, so far, I think it's a fairly well-written story. I'll start with the positives:
I think you did a nice job of keeping the readers "in the dark" for most of this chapter. Writing mysterious elements can be very difficult, at times, so I found it impressive that you were able to keep me frustrated for so long in the beginning. :)
You're descriptive imagery really got the job done. It helped keep the story moving, you had just the right amount.
I like the characters and basic idea of this story; it's almost like a behind the scenes during the war - yet it's as if the war didn't end with Harry. An interesting take, I'd say.
Alright, the negatives:
At some parts, it was somewhat choppy. Nothing too noticeable, but it felt a bit awkward reading some of the lines. I would suggest adding more transitions just to help the flow along.
Sometimes, it can be rather confusing as to who you're talking about. I suppose that's the problem with having one letter names - it's very easy to mistake letters for each other. However, I like the concept of the one letter "code names", so I'm not too sure about that one...
That's all! On to the next chapter!
cheers, ashAuthor's Response: I'm glad you were mildly frustrated with the "in the dark" aspect. I wanted readers to feel what K feels a bit, since she doesn't know much either. Although, K and D both know more than the reader...
I'm glad you liked the descriptions. I've really been working at setting up the scenes with imagery.
I've actually always disliked the idea that one person was responsible for stopping Voldemort. I understand that they are the Harry Potter books, but I felt they really ought to have gone at a strong enemy with better teamwork and focus. Rant = over.
I'll definitely look into the flow. I wrote this chapter in separate chunks over a long period of time, so not all of it matches up.
I knew that it would be confusing in the beginning, but I think once the story gets going, readers will be able to understand what the difference between K, Kendra and Kelly is. They are essentially the same person, but it's as if they mean different things to different people.
You brought up very interesting points. Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
ending was sweet :) D and K interaction there (even though K was asleep).
i like how you skipped around, but not too much. the date and place before it helps a lot. (also makes it more spy-like :D )
this was awesome and i can't wait to read what's next.Author's Response: I thought dates and times would feel spy-esque, so they really needed to be included. Maybe at some point I'll even add hours.
I love D and K interacting. But that's expected, since I wrote them. :)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Whee! Saw you on the front page so I figured I'd see if you updated, and you had! Very exciting. As you well know, this is a wonderful chapter - plenty of exposition, but it wasn't forced down our throats and the story kept a nice flow while setting the scene for what's going on. As for specific bits, you already know what I particularly like. :] Can't wait for the next bit!Author's Response: I'm so glad you thought so! I was a bit worried that folks might find the exposition and setting-up tedious. Thanks for the review! Report Review
That was Delightful! (See what i did there?) I would love to see more! Keep up the great work! :)Author's Response: Yes. I did catch that one! Thanks for dropping by. Report Review
This is a really great chapter, the genre kind of switches, which is mostly a good thing, you'll attract everyone :). I love the plot, and I was reading on and on to find the time period, at first I thought it was Kendra Dumbledore :P.
Really neat job, I love it.
P.S. You described the setting for every scene quite well, until Grimmauld Place, where you probably didn't have to, since most people here have read the books, and/or seen the movies :D.Author's Response: I tried to add in a little humor and a whisper of romance to keep it interesting. But my primary genres are the ones listed.
I was actually worried that people might confuse them, but I decided that I liked the name too much to skip out on it.
Thank you! I worked especially hard on descriptions, because that I thought that these would be the things that K would notice especially.
Thanks! I'm so glad you came to review! Report Review
Aw, man, it totally didn't log that as one of my reviews... said I wasn't signed in... It was such a good review! I'm not usually that thorough. Oh well. Just know that I still really appreciated this first chapter! You've got room for improvement, as I'm sure you're aware, but I just know this story is going to be delightful all the way around.Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your beautiful efforts. You're a fantastic beta reader. :) Report Review
Glorious! An amazing first chapter, just enough to give us a nice taste of the flavor of the story without giving too much away! There's a bit here and there that needs to be touched up, but no glaring errors that need to be addressed, at least, none that I spotted. (I'm writing you more on that in just a moment.) I love the characterization thus far, and the fact that you've added in just enough description that we know this is AU (Teddy being two and Tonks being around, etc), but not glaringly separate from the actual storyline - I assume this will be better emphasized in the future, so we know exactly what has been going on since Dumbledore's death; the next chapter seems a likely candidate, as they're at Order Headquarters and all! Aaaah, I'm so excited to see how this continues!Author's Response: Thank you very much. I've been touching the chapter up for a few days now and I think I've gotten everything. All will be revealed, but you're going to have to wait awhile for it. I'm trying to let information out slowly. Which, I think, will make it more interesting in the long run. But, in the mean time, you have to suffer. ;) Report Review
ooh, this is really good. i can't wait to read the next chapter :)
i thought this chapter was well written, which really makes a story a good read.
K and her Organization sound mysterious and very hush hush. intriguing. K and D's conversations are also intriguing, yet...somewhat humorous [i.e. yuppies]
altogether, i loved it :D 10/10Author's Response: It is very hush hush. You may not get to know more about it for a while. K doesn't really know enough to tell you. Thank you very much for the review. You definitely made me smile. Report Review
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