Reading Reviews for Crossing the Borderline
150 Reviews Found

Review #26, by happyanon Aaliyah: The Cronies

30th August 2015:
I died. 17 chapters. I HAD TO WAIT SEVENTEEN CHAPTERS FOR A KISS. JESUS. THIS is the longest ive had to wait for a fanfic kiss. And my God was it odd. See this is interesting because we know Ronan for some reason has this idea that maybe they aren't dating. But now there will be photos of them snogging the life from each other it makes me wonder what that devious little girl will do about it. Will there be a chapter about the ball? I wish Albus can attend with Aaliyah. So Gabby liked Fred huh? Wonder how she felt when Fred went out with Aaliyah and then cheated on her. See something has been bothering me aside from Roman winking at Albus. Why is it in chapter one, when he looked at her it was described that his features softened? That interests me so much. I have this feeling that either they were friends or they were more than that. This is giving me a headache. I have another problem.. the one who has the tape and how it ended in Ronans hands. The girl was brunette who came with Fred right? Please don't tell me its Aaliyah? Or one of her friends? This is alot of things.. i wish you'd update sooner. Im really excited what happens after the kiss. And omg they are adorable. Looove albus and aaliyab so much! Love this fic! I hope to see the next update! Muc love! Xoxo

Author's Response: Aw, I didn't mean for you to die! And yes, it was a long wait, wasn't it? But hopefully 17 chapters built up to it... I mean it was going to happen sooner or later... I think Aaliyah would have preferred later though.

What will Ronan do with those pictures? I feel she would want to burn them but she's more likely to store them somewhere for when she needs them.

The ball... I think there will be a few parts of the ball but sadly Albus is not included. But Blaine and Scorpius will be along with the whole Ravenclaw group.

Gabby did like Fred! But he didn't like her back. :( I can't tell you how she felt but I can tell you who does know, *cough* James *cough*

You are so perceptive, definitely seeing through all my hidden details! It comes out next chapter though (which is posted) so the Ronan and Albus question will be answered. And who was the mystery girl? I'm sorry to say that I can't tell you yet and that there is a wait till we find out but I love how you are trying to piece it together!

I'm glad you like them so much! And tremendously sorry for taking so long to update! And thank you so much for the terrific review and I look forward to hearing from you in the future!


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Review #27, by Penelope Inkwell Albus: The Family

21st August 2015:
Hey Sama! Here for that extra review I had promised you! Sorry it took me a bit. Things have been crazy down in the pit, what with the Silver Scales nominations and all. But I'm here at last!

So, we finally meet the family. The whole family. I like Louis and Dom! They seem sweet. I think it's nice that you portrayed them a little differently--so often they're portrayed as the bratty, judge-y family members (I don't know whether it's because they're pretty or because they're French). And for lots of fics that works, but I'm glad to have that stereotype shaken up a bit and to see them being nice.

I'm glad that Albus doesn't back down about the Fred thing when other people address it. He cheated on her. He doesn't have a claim on her, and she should be able to date whomever she wants. Granted, she doesn't exactly "want" to date Albus, but they don't know that.

I'm glad she has James there, amongst all the crazy. Hopefully that can help keep her a little more comfortable.

Overall, Aaliyah seems to hold her own in this chapter, and the Weasley-Potters look like they're going to be mostly accepting. Maybe that's half out of guilt, but I say take your advantages where you can get them! Things are off to a decent start with this non-relationship. At least, a much better start than it could have been, considering.

Still, this whole deal with Fred is gonna end up in some kind of scandal. I just know it.


I mean I know they probably all want to me to ‘properly’ introduce Aaliyah to them, but I didn’t and still don’t know how to exactly do that.
--I'm gonna suggest a slight rephrasing: I mean, I know they probably all want me to 'properly' introduce Aaliyah to them, but I didn't, and I still don't know exactly how to do that.

There’s only one girlfriend that I have had let the family meet and that is Katie, my fifth year girlfriend.
--I suggest deleting "had"

“Yeah,” he stretches the word like he already knew that.
--If you're going to say he stretches the word out, it might also be good to show it. Like, "Yeeaah,".

It is covered with dust and has a fair share of ancient tapestries that no one dares to touch because of one, they aren’t particularly pretty and two, who knows what touched them or what they contain.
--It is covered with dust and has a fair share of ancient tapestries that no one dares to touch, because, one: they aren't particularly pretty and, two: who knows what has touched them or what they might contain?

The hallway is empty like I could have heard the little sound a pin makes when it drops.
Two suggestions. Either, "The hallways is empty. Like, I could have heard the sound little sound a pin makes when it drops." Or "The hallway is so empty you could hear a pin drop."

Turning to him, I calmly voice, “Aaliyah already isn’t happy
--"voice" doesn't seem like quite the right word here. You voice concerns or opinions, but I don't think it's generally used as a substitute for "say".

--one period short on the ellipse, here.

I shrug at him and pass tables ‘til I get to Aaliyah’s one.
--I'd suggest cutting one and just leaving it at "'til I get to Aaliyah's."

she is infact
--"infact" = "in fact"

But not all my family likes her or gives a f*** about her really.
--But not all my family likes her, or gives a f*** about her, really.

And here I thought Ravenclaws are smart.
--in this case, I think you'd say "were" instead of "are", because even though the story is in present tense, Albus is saying he "thought".

Then, getting tired by my obvious surveying, she shrugs so I would stop observing her.
--I'd suggest rephrasing slightly. And I think "would" should be "will". Here's one possibility: Then, growing tired of my relentless scrutiny, she shrugs so that I will stop observing her."

I do the same introduction for every family members’ girlfriend or boyfriend.”
--members' = member's

I mean never, let’s anyone meet the family
--let's = lets

What does it take for a girl to joke around here.”
--missing a question mark

“..we would have understood.” Her tone is soft and sad. as if she feels betrayed that I didn’t tell her anything.
--the ellipse at the beginning is missing a period, and that period after sad ought to be a comma.

He couldn’t just ignore it, not when he is close to Aaliyah, but he does still stick by Fred (but he sticks by Aaliyah too).
--I'd suggest trying to rephrase so you aren't beginning both sections at the end with "but he"--"but he does still stick by Fred" and "but he sticks by Aaliyah, too", as it's a bit repetitive.
Maybe: He couldn't just ignore it, not when he is so close to Aaliyah, but he does still stick by Fred. He just chose to stick by Aaliyah, too.

One that Aaliyah is invited too.
--too = to

She’s short one being only five foot three inches.
--Maybe: "She's a short one, being only..." or "She's the short one, being only five foot three inches.:

Dom describes is as toffee hair, whatever that means.
--it = is

There is always winter holidays and summer break though.
--this needs a comma before "though", I think

Excluding Rose that is since she has prefect duties tonight.
--Excluding Rose, that is, since she has prefect duties tonight.

For whichever reason, I don’t know.
--I think that in this case "whichever" should be replaced with "whatever". It would be "whichever reason" if a selection of reasons had been presented before, and Albus was saying he didn't know which of those reasons was true. But when none are mentioned, I think you'd say "whatever".

I had fun meeting the whole fam in this chapter, and look forward to reading more--especially to learning what Aaliyah's thoughts were on the whole thing! See you soon!


Author's Response: Yes, we do get to meet THE family. I get what you mean by Dom and Louis being portrayed as bratty but I wanted to make them a bit different since Dom is Gabby's best friend so she had to be likable and I wanted someone who was very accepting of Al and Aaliyah from the start and that's Louis. They are both French and pretty which is why I like them more I think since I took French in school haha. Also Fleur isn't that bad in the books, even admirable so I wanted her have nice kids.

I liked writing Albus being protective over Aaliyah because she is definitely not Fred's. And James always helps in every situation and he's happy to help.

They are for the most part okay with it (Roxanne, Rose, and Fred not so much) and yes it is mostly out of guilt but it's still a yes. And I totally agree that they should grab the advantage of it.

Fred has already caused a scandal. I'm not sure how much more he can cause but we'll have to wait and see. :)

Thank you for the corrections and suggestions, the rephrasing ones especially! I'm really going to have to start putting in my Author's Notes that the good grammar is all due to the lovely Penny!

I honestly thought it would be impossible to introduce so many characters at once but somehow it managed. Some of them were more prominent than others but they are all here (well Rose isn't really but we met her before).

Thanks so much for the extra reviews! Your reviews are always so thought out and I'm sure they take forever so even a bigger thank you!


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Review #28, by wolfgirl17 Aaliyah: The Party

16th August 2015:
Hey Sama!

Wolgirl here finally with your requested review from my review thread. I'm sorry it took me so long. I keep falling off the wagon *blushes*

As always I absolutely adored this chapter. It was a little slower than the others, but you have this knack for weaving more and more secrets and plot-points into a tale and I can't wait for it all to come out.

Right now I'm think James maybe kinda fancies Aaliyah, but that maybe he and Gabby are kinda regretting their break-up too and I'm totally intrigued about the hatred between Aaliyah and Rose and I adore the way you portray Scorpius when he's drunk and upset over Rose not paying attention to the fact that he's alive.

And oh my gosh I'm rambling. Look at what you do to me with your tricky writing and your skills and your awesomeness! You've got me gushing and rambling over the characters to such an extent that when I read I forget about the need to be focusing on things that I can concrit or on trying to pick up on instances where you could include more Britishisms and the like and goodness me!

I really do absolutely adore your work Sama, I love the amount of personality and characterisation you bring to everyone in your fics and the way they don't feel flat and boring but are instead brimming with spunk and awesomeness and secrets. You truly have a gift.

I'm probably not achieving much for you in the way of detailed reviews at this point, but do keep requesting more reviews as this story is to die for and I might die if I don't make time to finish it. At least with the requests I can try and bring some notion of structure to it *she says, prodding the sentences and trying to get them to budge up in ways that make sense*

Keep up the positively brilliant work, love. You're stuff is to die for!


Author's Response: Hey, Ellie! That's really alright! The wait it always worth it when it comes to you and you didn't take long at all. :)

It was a long chapter and I think that's why it moved slowly and there was a lot of interactions that needed to happen.

James, I really want to hug him! He's such a sweetie and you're right about the break up, from his part anyway. I think Rose is a character that shows another side of Aaliyah. She shows that Aaliyah isn't liked by everyone and that Aaliyah is capable of disliking someone. Ah, Scorpius! Poor soul... he only wants Rose to just look at him and notice him.

Tricky writing? I like that description and thank you for the compliments! *blushes*

It's great to hear that my characters don't feel flat. That's always a worry since there are so many of them. (I think that's what happens when one of your main characters are a part of the Weasley/Potter clan.) And yes, they all have their secrets... even the ones who seem totally innocent. ;)

I think for me hearing a reader's thoughts on events and characters help a lot. It gives me direction on what I'm doing wrong or what I should do more of. So, don't worry about it not being detailed about britishisms and what not because you still give me insight on my characters which for me his huge. And I will definitely re-request! I love hearing from you!

Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave this! There is a super short and Aaliyah interaction in the future chapters and I'm hoping to put more of them in.


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Review #29, by Penelope Inkwell Aaliyah: The Slytherins

15th August 2015:
Hey Sama!

I particularly enjoyed the bit of dialogue where they decide they're going to try not to be so awkward, and make an attempt to get to know one another. It sounded particularly natural. It flowed well.

That moment when Aaliyah gets all cheeky is kind of adorable. I like how Al calls after her, but then just smiles and lets it go. I have a feeling that he likes that she was a little devious. He's a Slytherin, so he can appreciate a women who can wriggle out of a question she might not want to answer. At least, that's what I'm picking up.

I really like the way Aaliyah gets on with the rest of the Slytherin boys. It's just so cute! They all want to know her. Aaliyah is an interesting character. She isn't quiet, not exactly, but she comes across with this general tranquility whenever you put her in a room with other people (except Albus, sometimes). She's not loud, but she's still quite social. From in her head, we know that she freaks out quite often, but I think to people on the outside she would seem almost preternaturally composed. And I could see that appealing to Albus. He seems to place a lot of importance on poise in himself, but he also likes to crack other people. I get why she intrigues him.

Scorpius--I LOVE your portrayal of Scorpius. He's so cute. And I'm enjoying the other boys, too.

Awww, poor Aaliyah. And poor Seth. Having a friend like you when you don't like him back is so hard. Especially when he's a really nice guy. But if you don't feel it, you don't feel it, and that's not your fault. I'm really glad that Seth gets that, though. He doesn't act like he's entitled to Aaliyah, and he's willing to be honest, but he doesn't want to put her in a bad situation or make her feel guilty. I really admire that, and I hope things turn out okay for him.


The list’s title is ‘The List of Problems With Dating Albus Potter When Not Having Feelings for Him.’
--it seems like it would be hard to find any pros on a list that, according to its title, is only a list of cons?

No matter how much you want to be it, you don’t because when the two of you break up, people will always whisper about it.
--Maybe: "No matter how much you think you'd want that position, you don't. Trust me. Because when the two of you break up, people will always talk."

To be honest, I’m quite scared if she ends up finding anything ‘cause she most likely will.
--I think this would be a little smoother if re-worded, i.e. "To be honest, I'm quite scared she'll end up finding something. Knowing Charlotte, it's probably inevitable."

However, what I didn’t expect when I agreed to this arrangement is the snappy comments, snarky retorts, and half-attempted arguments. When you think about it, to have a real full-fledged argument with someone you need to know said person. Not only that, you are going to need to know how to pick out their flaws and find out their biggest insecurities. Taking that into consideration, our arguments aren’t really arguments. They are just small disagreements or pointless bickering. Basically, a string of semi-harsh words thrown at each other. (Well, whispered at each other. We can’t really yell at each other without people noticing. I mean we are supposed to be the picture of a happy couple.)
--I think this train of thought gets a little convoluted. Also, it actually sounds a bit more like Albus to me – all philosophical. He's the one who I associate with going into mental diatribes beginning with "if you think about it...". This bit seems like it's in his voice, rather than Aaliyah's.

“Excuse me?” I ask surprised.
--there should be a comma after "ask".

His mouth is a straight line and his tone is even, too even as if he is bored and I’m supposed to be his source of entertainment.
--I'd suggest splitting off the 'too even' part. i.e. "His mouth is a straight line and his tone is even – too even – as if he's bored and I'm supposed to be his source of entertainment."

still looking monotonous.
--monotonous doesn't seem like quite the right word here, but it is hard to find a synonym for "bored". Reworking it to use a "boredom" synonym might help. Maybe, "still looking as though he's drowning in the dullness of our conversation." Other good synonyms: tedium, ennui.

I ask picking up the novel I dropped earlier.
--needs a comma after ask

He’s apart of the Weasley family.
--"apart" = a part

I’ve never really kept tabs on your life or asked James about you so this is me doing my research,”
--Bit of a run on. Maybe: I've never really kept tabs on your life, or asked James about you. So this is me doing my research."

“You are kidding, right?” I whisper frantically.
--this struck me as a bit odd? Though it might be a character choice, which is fair. Why is Aaliyah so judgy about Al's relationship past. He has dated. Lots of people at 16 would have dated less. It seems odd to me that she's "frantic" over this.

“You’re turn.”

You see I like to stick with boys.
--comma after "see"

(Blaine + Scropius)
--Scorpius (also, this was funny)

He has a good five-six inches on me.
--"five or six?"

“Is there an elephant in the room I don’t know about?” I inquire cringing.
--comma before cringing.

“How should I know,” he exclaims, equally frustrated.
--this needs needs a question mark or an exclamation point, rather than a comma

I noticed about three places where you had two periods ".." instead of three "..." for an ellipse.

I continue to really love the different characters you pull in. They just make me smile. And I'm enjoying watching Albus and Aaliyah's relationship grow, even if it's only a little right here. The fact that his friends like her just really made me smile.

--Penny :D

Author's Response: The part was very weird to write I think because I had to make them decide to get along which hasn't been happening so far. But the understanding was necessary. And it's great to hear that it was natural! I always had a nagging feeling that it wasn't all that normal for Albus to agree to it but thanks for reassuring me.

Albus likes that she's devious and kind of mischievous at times. And it is later that he recognizes that maybe he's been a bad influence on her but he doesn't see that in a bad light. He likes that she has some Slytherin in her. It's a breath of fresh air for him.

Oh, Slytherins. I always did feel like they had inner gossip girls in them just because I feel like they like knowing everything. Not in the Ravenclaw way of learning but in the I'm going to gain information so I can use it later for my own purposes way. And she is very calming to the people around her, even Albus... it just takes some time for her effect to work on him.

Scorpius... I really wanted to have a Slytherin that Aaliyah would without thinking become friends with. Also if she's friends with Scorpius she's in a way closer to Albus.

Seth... he really does deserve more. And honestly if Aaliyah and Albus never really met I think Seth and her would have worked.

Thank for your pointing all of those places I missed and your suggestions!! A tremendous help definitely!

Yay, you are liking Albus/Aaliyah (I really need to get a ship name for them tbh)! Their relationship will grow slowly and I think that matters in how events happen later. Thank you so much for dropping by Penny with your long, sweet reviews! I can't tell you how thankful I am!


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Review #30, by Penelope Inkwell Albus: The Confrontations

14th August 2015:
“Last time I checked being called a “cutie” is a good thing. Not that I like being called cute, though. I prefer a more masculine term like “sexy.” Sexy is like a package deal. The word is not only masculine but bold too, just how I like it.
--*rolls eyes* Oh, Albus

I pry the paper from her hands and push my textbook in front of her since she hasn’t bothered to touch hers yet. This way if the professor looks over, it’ll seem like we’re actually doing our assignment instead of socialising.
--good way to show Albus' Slytherin-ness!

He is totally into her. Keep denying it all you want, Alby. You're obsessed.

You know, as totally unpleasant as Rose seems, I still do see why she would generally get along with Albus, in a way. They're both opinionated and conniving--a bit less warm than the rest of the family.

Awkwardness fills the space around us like a pitcher pouring water into a glass: noisily and quickly.
--I like this! :D

So far Scorpius seems to be a good foil for Al. Much lighter, in a way, but they just mesh well. I like their relationship.

The way you set up that ending with Fred is nice and mysterious, which fits his whole character. It keeps us wondering: who is this? What happened between him and Aaliyah? What did he do? Why does he want her back? WHAT is going on?

Good job!


Maybe but I don’t think crossing your fingers may help these two in the slightest.
--There should be a comma after 'maybe', and I'd recommend changing 'may' to 'will'. i.e. "Maybe, but I don't think crossing your fingers will help these two in the slightest."

This time her face clearly shows that she is startled and in a way, I get where she is coming from.
--needs a comma between 'and' and 'in', I think. i.e. "she is startled and, in a way, I get..."

My redhaired, brown-eyes cousin
--"brown-eyes" = brown-eyed

The calculating face vanishes and a smile graces her face.
--I'd suggest trying not to use "face" so much in the same small space. Maybe change the first one to "The calculating expression"?

Rose... well, she had never been and still isn't fond of Aaliyah, a nice way of saying she hates her really.
--This might flow better if you restructured it a little: "Rose...well, she never had been--and still isn't--fond of Aaliyah (a nice way of saying she hates her, really).

“What is that supposed to mean?” She snaps, sounding...
--'she' should be lowercase.

One thing I would suggest, and this might just be personal preference, is splitting up some of the dialogue and the description that comes after it. Like changing:

“That means that I don’t really care if you don’t ‘approve’ of her.” I sigh. Knowing Rose, this is going to turn into a quarrel and arguing with family, especially the redhaired members, always ends up being taxing.


“That means that I don’t really care if you don’t ‘approve’ of her.”

I sigh.

Knowing Rose, this is going to turn into a quarrel and arguing with family, especially the redhaired members, always ends up being taxing.

There are a lot of two-line-long blocks of text in the section with Rose, and for some reason that seems to be a harder length to follow on the computer screen for me. Once again, that might be a personal thing, but splitting the sections up into shorter bits might make it easier.

She seems to be absolutely entertained by the list and is probably secretly hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush which it won't.
--I'd split that last part--"which it won't" off from the rest somehow. Maybe: "hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush, which it won't."
"hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush (which it won't)."
"hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush – which it won't."

I think everyone close to her is aware of how much she watches out for Aaliyah, how much she is protective of her, well… except for Aaliyah that is. And some people, like myself, know she does it out of guilt because a couple years ago she sort of a rubbish at the older sibling thing. She didn’t really know what was going on in Aaliyah’s life and nor did she make much of an effort to. That was the way things were, but people change and it usually takes one spark, one event to change them and that is exactly what happened to Gabby.
--Okay, there are several things in this section. A couple missing or unnecessary words, some places that I thought could benefit from a split. Here's my suggestion, but to save space I'll just let you go through it:

"I think everyone close to Gabby is aware of how much she watches out for Aaliyah, how protective she is of her. Well... except for Aaliyah that is. And some people, like myself, know she does it out of guilt, because a couple years ago she sort of rubbish at the 'older sibling' thing. She didn’t really know what was going on in Aaliyah’s life, nor did she make much of an effort to. That was the way things were. But people change. Sometimes it only takes one spark, one event to change everything.

And that is exactly what happened to Gabby."

Clearly, ignorance is both of our specialities.
--is it ignorance? Or ignoring inconvenient truths?

I motion them to go on and they relentlessly follow Nott.
--relentlessly doesn't seem quite right here. Maybe "reluctantly"?

when I stand back up, I am surprised by the figure a couple away from me.
--a couple [what] away? Feet? Yards?

He smiles a smile; a humourless one, a joyless one, a painful one. His warm brown eyes sparkle in amusement and maybe even some anger; however, not the mischief they used to carry.
--Suggest: "maybe even some anger, but none of the cheerful mischief they used to carry."

Man, poor Al. Aaliyah definitely got better reactions from her friends. Very interesting dynamics.


Author's Response: Oh Penny, your reactions are always on point, especially to whatever Albus does.

I would have actually done the same thing if I was Albus so I think that's how I thought up that. And I always see so many classmates do that as well haha.

Is Albus into her? Can Albus be into anyone that is *gasp* human? We'll have to see. ;)

Rose and Albus as very accepting of each other and that works well for them. And you are right, they are both more on the cold side. It actually hurts to write Rose that way since she's one of my favorite Next Gen kids but... that's how it all worked out.

Scorpius is a very light Slytherin? I don't really know how to explain it but he's much for easygoing and is less brooding. He's still devious but not as cold as Al. And it does work for them since they do care about each other very much. I think that shows in how Al usually only confides in him.

Fred... well he did SOMETHING. And that SOMETHING will be revealed later on. I feel like I only used caps on 'something' because I like capitalizing random words. Please excuse my weirdness lol. But he did do SOMETHING and it is very important. And I'm going to stop now.

You already know how I feel about your CC so I'll just say thank you again for taking the time to do it!! I will have to look over this chapter again when I have more time to go through it thoroughly.

They did get different reactions! Al's school friends interfered less but his family and family friends interfered more. I think it shows how different Al and Aaliyah are. The people they surround themselves were shocked but Aaliyah's was less blaming.

Thank you so much for stopping by Penny! You know I never get enough of your reviews and always enjoy reading them!


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Review #31, by Penelope Inkwell Aaliyah: The Reaction

14th August 2015:
SAMA! *voice echoes from the distance* It's me! I'm coming *running steps, panting* I'm almost-- *footsteps growing louder*

*sudden crashing sound*


And I am so glad to finally be back! R&Ring more of this story has been on my to do list for ages, so here we are :D

Let's start at the beginning. I really like what you do with the chapter opening.

Sleep doesn't find me behind my closed eyes; it wavers on the top of my consciousness but doesn't come in, as if it is an unwelcome visitor.
--This sounds so good. It sets the tone nicely, and it gives Aaliyah that anxiety and depth that I feel are pretty crucial aspects of her character. I really like it.

So now you must be thinking what is Aaliyah, the girl who can’t handle unexpected events and climbing up a staircase, going to do?
--Bahaha! Oh, this made me laugh. Way to throw in some humor amidst the angst. Points for Aaliyah!

I think that whole section in the morning, with the fight in the dorms, was really well put together. Plenty of action and description and dialogue. It was good to have such a wide-awake, active scene after Aaliyah's midnight musings. I just liked the whole section a lot.

OOoh, I would kill him. I would absolutely want to kill him. Could Albus have made himself more obnoxious? COULD HE HAVE?! Ugh.

The awkwardness at the breakfast table was on point, though :D

I like her friends! And I look forward to seeing more of them. When I read through this part of the story before I must have been really speeding (and probs really tired). I'm glad I'm coming back and stopping to smell the roses. There are a lot of things I don't remember.


However, just because something is said constantly, doesn't mean it's easier to make up your mind about it.
--I don't think you need the comma, here

How is he so sure of himself, I find myself asking to no one in particular.
--I'd suggest reworking this so that you can fit in the question mark. Maybe How is he so sure of himself? I find myself asking to no one in particular."

And that guilt… it rooted from one person: Gabby.
--"rooted from" doesn't seem like quite the right phrase, here. Maybe, "originated from" or "was rooted in" or "it all originated from one direction: Gabby." There are probably some other options out there that would be better, but that's what I can come up with for now.

Just a little suggestion: when you describe the coolness of the floor, you might use the word "soothing" somewhere. I think that would give us an easier understanding of why Aaliyah is craving that sensation, and of why it seems "right".

Gosh, I don’t even want to think about the things she has been doing with the Luke bloke.
--I'd suggest replacing "the" with "this". So nitpicky, I know! But I think it'll sound more natural.

Then my textbook goes missing and on top of that Albus is probably in the Great Hall thinking, ‘which way do I tell the whole school that Aaliyah and I are dating while equally making it the most miserable way possible for her?’
--"which" here ought to be capitalized.

You see Seth's eyes tend change colour.
--"You see" should be followed by a comma.

On que...
--I think this is meant to be "On cue..."?

Annie smirks, which generally doesn’t happen too foten.
--foten = often

Yeah, well it turns out I was right since currently I am staring dreadfully at the stairs that lead to the girls’ dormitories.
--"dreadfully" doesn't seem quite right here, since it's usually used as a synonym for "awfully". Maybe, "Yeah, well it turns out I was right, since I am currently staring up at the stairs that lead to the girls' dormitories, my stomach churning with dread." Other stand-ins that might work would be, "staring, petrified, at the stairs..." or "staring fearfully".

If I had known that ‘this’ (yes, I’m going to address the relationship I’m in by ‘this’)
--little thing, but I think it might be better to say "(yes, I'm going to address the relationship I'm in as 'this') or "(yes, I'm going to refer to the relationship I'm in as 'this').

I'd suggest giving a little more weight to the section where Aaliyah starts lying to Ellie. At present it's so sudden, and such a turnaround from what she was planning, that it might be good to set it up a bit more. Maybe an analogy, like:"It's like her words have flipped some switch, turned on a spigot I didn't know I had, and the lies come pouring out, choking me with anger."

The number one thing I would suggest, overall, but especially in the first half of this chapter, is to add a bit more action. It doesn't have to be big. Just Aaliyah tossing and turning, throwing a pillow, just doing something. Aaliyah lives largely in her head, which makes a lot of sense, as she is a Ravenclaw. But sometimes long monologues can lose a bit of their punch if nothing else is happening, because the reader ceases to picture the character's surroundings.

It would be good to have her do a few more little things in the second half, too, but there you have dialogue to break up her mental wanderings, so it's pretty solid as is.

I can't remember exactly what happens in the next chapter, and I'm looking forward to being reminded.

Albus Potter, you've got some serious redeeming yourself to do :p

Good job, Sama!


Author's Response: PENNY! *squeezes*
I've taken over four monthes to get back to your review(s). *face palms* Forgive me?

I'm pretty sure I had to draw from my own experience in the summer for that sleep line. No joke, it's impossible to fall asleep in the summer with the warm weather and the fact that there is no school makes you want to not fall asleep even more.

I'm glad you like the humor! I mean what do you do if you find yourself not being able to walk up the stairs even when you are physically capable? Honestly if it was me, I would have just sat there on the floor, waiting till I could find the nerve to go up.

I think Albus could have been more obnoxious becuase he's Albus. He would have thought up more ways, that sneaky Slytherin. Is it bad that I'm happy that you want to kill him? It makes me feel like I'm writing him right since he's supposed to be kind of (okay, very) unlikable in the beginning.

Oh, awkwardness... writing it is awkward, reading it itself is awkward. But it was necessary to write that part. I'm sure Albus was very happy that he caused it.

I like her friends too. Especially Seth because he's just a teddy bear and the fact that I made his face claim Daniel Sharman. :P

Thank you so much for the CC as always!! I'm definitely going to have to copy that whole part and put it on a notepad for when I get to editing (notice how I said when I get to it since I'm lazy).

It's alright, Albus has the whole rest of the story to redeem himself... but only after he can be a jerk a few more times because... he's Albus.

Thank you so much for dropping by Penny! Your reviews are always so thoughtful and helpful! And I love the beginning of your review, that definitely got me to smile!


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Review #32, by pinkpanther16 Albus: The Game

1st August 2015:
Ugh, Ronan. I can't stand her. She needs to stay in her own lane. At least there was a lot of Aaliyah and Al in this one. Some almost fluff. Some almost answered questions. But wow, Gabby liked Fred? I didn't see that coming. I'm excited to hear more on that story. Glad you updated, see you next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Oh, Ronan. She really is a piece of work, isn't she? But she's surprisingly fun to write since she's so complex. Ronan should mind in own business. She's too nosy! But that's what makes a good journalist.

Yes there was some fluff and then I had to ruin it by dropping the Gabby's crush bomb. Gabby did like Fred. We'll get more into that next chapter. Is it bad that I'm glad you didn't see that coming? It was supposed to be a surprise.

The next chapter shouldn't take too long. It's just that I'm trying to get through some editing on beginning chapters before I post it.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I loved hearing from you!!


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Review #33, by MalfoyMannor Aaliyah: The Slytherins

1st August 2015:
when I started reading this I was like nahh I'm not going to like it and now I absolutely adore it :)

poor Seth :( I love and hate it when authors make that happen, when a character reveals their feelings for another character when the character gets with someone

Author's Response: Ah, that's great to hear!! I think the summary sometimes intrigues people and at other times it puts off people so maybe that's why.

Seth... he really deserves some love, doesn't he? Authors don't like doing that either but I can't see Seth not admitting to Aaliyah his feelings, and her dating someone else really pushed him to it.

Thank you for taking the time to drop a line! And I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!


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Review #34, by happyanon Albus: The Game

31st July 2015:
OH MY GOD. WAS IT GABBY!!?? THE GIRL FRED CHEATED WITH!? WAS IT GABBY!!?? NOOO. wasn't there some description about how the girl was blonde or something? OMG WAS IT GABBY!?? Craaap they should have kissed! They should have kissed. Whyy did they not? I was anticipating it. Img RONAN NOO WHY ARE YOU SO SMART. WHAAAT WILL HAPPEN poor poor babies will get into alot of contoversy. :( i hope the plan doesn't blow over. Also, you said the wink Ronan gave does not involve Fred. And now we know it does not involve the fake date as well? So what does it involve? Dont tell me albus likes her? Omg so many secrets i love it but im too curious you must update!!! I cant stay put on what happens next. I love ittt! Much love! Xoxo

Author's Response: WAS IS GABBY?! I DON'T KNOW! I was almost evil enough to not tell you anything but since you're so sweet, I'll tell you... No, it wasn't Gabby. She wouldn't do that to Aaliyah... even in a moment of weakness, though it would have been really easy for her to cave. And you have no idea how happy I am that you remembered that the girl was blonde!

Should Aaliyah and Albus have kissed? Hmm, that's up for debate. I'm kidding, I'm really just stalling it and them not kissing was a perfect opportunity for Ronan to find out so... yeah, I basically put them in a tough situation. Opps?

Ronan is too smart! That or maybe she manages to be in the right place at the right time a lot? Probably both. And Aaliyah and Albus will have to deal with her soon.

Ah, the wink is back... I feel like I should steer you away from it since you're so smart that you'll probably figure it out but... it's going to come out in two chapters so the wait won't be too long.

I love secrets, maybe that's why there are so many. I'll try to update soon, sometime this month, so don't worry! And thank you so much for the review! Really, I always enjoy hearing from you!


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Review #35, by asdfghjkl Albus: The Game

31st July 2015:
Okay so I can was kinda wondering that whole scene if someone would be watching them but then when she figured out they didn't kiss at the end...omg that Can only have insanely interesting consequences. My stomach actually turned over a bit with worry! This could either push them farther from admitting their feelings to eachother or closer and either way I'm sure it'll make for interesting scenes and dialogue in the future! Update soon please, I can hardly stand to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Ah, you're too smart for me! Already figuring that someone may have been watching them. The scene was just too perfect... them playing an innocent game of Quidditch... I just had to ruin it haha.

Even I'm worried about where I'll take this. I mean Ronan has already basically found out their secret. I can't promise that things won't get messy but it'll be interesting.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review! You guys really make my day! And the next chapter should be up sometime this month. :D


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Review #36, by alicia and anne Aaliyah: The Meeting

29th July 2015:
The paintings are such gossips! But I bet that I would be if I was a painting as well and all I did was hang around in the corridors I would gossip as well haha. :D

I like how she's close with James, but Albus is a quiet enigma. :( I really enjoy the idea of Albus being perceived as withdrawn and distant with people. I really love it.

Oh no! Who is this person walking towards the room? Is it bad that I'm a little scared of them? I wonder why Albus keeps staring at her? Does he fancy her?

Oh I would so hide from her as well. I would worry about her finding out gossip and spreading it around the school.

Oooo I really like the idea of them being the new power couple that's going to be in a fake relationship like James and Gabby. Did you say why they faked it? I can't remember haha.

Anyways this is an awesome first chapter and I'm so intrigued by it all and I can't wait to find out more.

Author's Response: The paintings are really chatty! I could always see them gossiping for some reason since there are so many of them around the school and in a perfect position to gain knowledge on the students.

My favorite Albus is Slytherin Albus so I couldn't help but make him be distant and cold. I'm glad you like his characterization!

No, you should be scared. Terrified, really. I'm just pulling your leg but the person coming toward the room isn't the most likable. And Albus doesn't fancy Aaliyah... not yet anyway. ;) He just likes making people uncomfortable which he succeeded in doing with her. Also, he's curious about her.

Yes, I did mention why they faked it but it's easy to miss. They sort of did it to protect the others, distract Ronan from their friends' lives and maker her focus on their (fake) relationship. Their reasons are clarified in later chapters.

I'm so happy to hear that you find the first chapter interesting! And thank you so much Tammi for taking the time to read and review this! I had a great time reading your thoughts! *hugs*


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Review #37, by merlins beard Aaliyah: The Meeting

27th July 2015:
Hey there,
I'm FINALLY here with the review I promised about three weeks ago. I'm really sorry it took so long.

This is a very promising start to what will be an exciting story. I really like how you described your characters in so much detail, especially focusing on their imperfections, on making them not likeable at first. I really think it makes them much more believeable and is a really nice contrast to all the perefect potter children in many other fics.

I can see that Albus' plan may include a little more than he reveals right here, and I also think that it might just work. Faking a relationship is probably not as easy as you make it sound with James and Gabbie, (that may be why they're breaking up) and I find that this shouldn't be necessary for the protection from gossip. Something is going wrong here and I wonder why McGonagall doesn't put a stop to it. I'm really interested in what the next chapter brings.

I have one slight CC, but it's mostly personal preference. I think your chapters are fairly long, and the story may profit from splitting the longer ones into two. I find it hard to hold my attention for an extended period of time when reading on a screen, that's why I like chapters to be between 2000 and 3500 words,but that's only me. Just thought I'd mention it anyway.

I think I'll enjoy reading more of this,so I'll put it on my reading list for now - sadly, it has to wait a while because work is keeping me so busy.

Thanks for a fantastic read -I love how I find good stories by offering reviews.

~Anja xxx

Author's Response: Hello, Anja!

I think the summary sort of gives off that I like to focus on the imperfections of the characters haha. I find it more fun to make the characters unlikable and then slowly show all their other sides and watch as readers grow to like them. I did that with Albus since he's sort of a jerk in the beginning. I can't imagine the Potter children as perfect. I can see them having a rough time finding a separate identity from their parents... makes for some good angst.

Albus's plan does include more. He's a sneaky snake, no denying it. It wasn't easy for James and Gabby but the two of them hide it well. And their is a plot behind why they thought it was necessary... it comes out later in the story. I'm really glad you thought this chapter was interesting.

My chapters are fairly long, aren't they? I actually planned it like that. The story is fairly long and if I keep splitting it, for me it would be too many chapters, that and I try to keep the pov switches in mind. I can see why it's hard to focus for that long and for that I'm sorry. But rest assured I would never make a chapter 9,000+ words, I would definitely split it then. Thank you for suggesting it though! I'll keep that in mind for future chapters.

Ah, it's great that you like it enough to add the story to your reading list! Thank you for taking the time to read and review! I really appreciate it and had a great time reading your thoughts on this!


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Review #38, by Penelope Inkwell Albus: The Decision

25th July 2015:
Hey Sama!

Here for our review swap. I've been meaning to come back and review more of this story, so this was the perfect opportunity :D

I can tell you've really thought through the core traits of your characters. I love that I can clearly see that Albus is a Slytherin--I have run across plenty of fics where the characters don't seem to match with their House traits at all, or only in very superficial ways, but I vastly prefer things like this, when it's quite clear why they are where they are. Albus obviously has pride and self-confidence, he is prone to keeping secrets, and he carefully guards his emotions. It's clearly important to him to be in control, and to not let anyone have an advantage over him. It's all clear in the things he does and in his mental monologue. That's very well done.

I also find it hilarious that he's so guarded with his emotions that, in some ways, he refuses to admit them to himself. That boy is in serious denial about his infatuation with Aaliyah. His examination of her also demonstrates that he is keenly observant. You set up a lot of his character traits without saying them outright, and that's wonderful! :D

The other thing I really like here is that Aaliyah's lines sound very realistic--like what a clever (and cautious) teenage girl in her situation would say. Overall, I give you lots of points for your characterization.


First I'll give some general comments and then some specific ones: If you do edits, the main thing I would suggest adjusting is sentence structure. There are a good many sentences in this chapter that could use a comma or two to break them up. There's also a few places that have shorter sentences and sentence fragments that come across as a bit choppy. They would flow better if they were combined with dashes or commas or semi-colons.

For my specific comments, I always try to give an example of how it might be written, just in case it helps. Vague CC can be frustrating, bc then you think something might be wrong but you've no clue how to fix it. I don't want to leave anyone in that boat. However, these are all just suggestions. I definitely might not have captured your intent. I'm just throwing them in there in case you're useful, but I don't want to tell you how anything should, for sure, be written. That's often a matter of style, and everyone has their own. I don't want to intrude!

"I slowly open an eye to see Scorpius’s expression, but there isn’t a trace of a single reaction. Being a snake teaches you how to be collected at all times (well, almost at all times)."
--This sentence seems a little out of place, since immediately above Albus was saying that Scorpius was showing way more emotion than was wise. The qualifier in parentheses doesn't quite take away the fact that Albus is contradicting himself. Maybe it would be better to say something like, "I slowly open an eye to see Scorpius' expression, but there isn't a single trace of emotion. It seems that his Slytherin side has finally kicked in."

“Why would she choose to finally come out after trying to avoid it like a disease? Aaliyah doesn’t even know me and seeing that I’m Fred’s cousin she doesn’t trust me."
--I think this sentence could be a little clearer. Maybe something like: "Why would she choose to draw attention to herself when she's spent years avoiding it like a disease? Aaliyah doesn't even know me. And, seeing as I'm Fred's cousin, she doesn't trust me."

“The tension in that abandoned classroom tired me out. Aaliyah and I may have been there for moral support and all, but I think we both felt the tension radiating off of James and Gabby. Now that I am in the Slytherin Common Room, I can finally relax with the heat from the fireplace warming me as well as the leather of the couch. That bench that I had to sit on for two whole hours was hard, rough, hard, scratched up, and hard. (Did I mention hard?)"
--I'd maybe sub in a synonym for one of those "tension"s. The 3rd sentence would be clearer if the words were re-ordered a little. i.e. "Now that I am in the Slytherin Common Room, sitting on the soft leather couch, I can bask in the warmth of the fireplace and finally relax..."

When you want to accomplish something, you need a couple things: effort, want and belief.
-- I think "desire" might sound better here than "want".

"You may call it a hero complex or whatever. However, that isn’t it. It is one of those impressions that make you think you could have done something. You could have prevented some of the events but you didn’t. Instead of doing something that caused an effect, you guilt yourself into thinking that you could have stopped that effect."
--When I first read this paragraph, I had a little trouble following what he was saying. I'd suggest running through this bit and clarifying it.
i.e. "You may call it a hero complex or whatever, but that isn't it. It's a responsibility, the kind that you feel when disaster strikes, and you know you could have done something; you could have prevented some of that, but you didn't. It sucks to feel guilty for the things you did, but the things you failed to do? Yeah, those'll make you feel a hell of a lot worse."

"Her face doesn’t hold any visible traces of thoughtfulness or anger, only passion towards the book she is reading. Weird."
--For some reason "passion towards the book she is reading" is striking me as an odd turn of phrase. And most people do look thoughtful when they read, since their absorbed in the story. Maybe, "Her face doesn't hold any visible traces of worry or anger, only a passionate interest in the book she is reading."

I'm a super nitpicky person, but you mentioned that it's easier to edit when stuff is pointed out to you, so I figured I'd go ahead and be particular. Feel free to PM me for any clarification! I'm loving the characters and setup!


Author's Response: Hi, Penny!

I get what you mean by reading characters that don't seem to match up with their house. I'm the type that likes it when there is a reason why they were placed in a certain house. I'm very picky about that stuff... maybe because I've thought about house traits so much. Also, I thought it would take the fun out of writing Albus as a Slytherin and not give him so many traits that belong to that house such as self-preservation, and being cunning and manipulative. I'm glad to hear that his Slytherin side shows... it was what I was aiming for so yay!

Albus is the type of person who ignores things that he doesn't want to be bothered with so he's very good at placing himself in denial, and Aaliyah is definitely included in that. He has a fascination with her, he finds her very interesting, his curiosity peaks around her but he doesn't fancy her... not yet anyway. ;) And yes, he is observant! So glad you noticed that!

I always try to think over character dialogue and imagine how I would say it in that situation. I'm guessing by your comment that that is working. :D

Truth be told, I find this chapter the most cringe-worthy out of all the current chapters in the story and that's mainly because how its writing quality. It's a little all over the place. Thank you for suggesting combining some of the sentences to make the flow better! That really helped as well as the rest of your CC. After reading your review, I actually made myself look (like actually look, not just glimpse which I tend to do) over this chapter again and it is currently being edited. A huge thank you for taking the time to point all those problems out! And really, I wish I could be nitpicky like you... it would definitely get me to edit faster and more efficiently. Nothing was unclear so no worries!

Thank you immensely for taking the time to do this swap! I can tell that you put a lot of thought into this and that this took a lot of time. *hugs* Thanks again!!


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Review #39, by RavenclawFTW Aaliyah: The Tape

20th July 2015:
Heya Sama! I've here for BvB, although really I should have dropped a review when I first read through the chapter!

I was really surprised by the truth about the tape-- I really had no idea what it was going to be, but that explanation explains so much about this story. I'm impressed now how you've woven hints of it throughout the story and waited so long to reveal the truth about it. I thought the scene where they discuss it in the Hospital Wing was really well done with Albus being patient but bitter and Aaliyah as curious as ever.

Then I love how the two friend groups are kind of combining and getting along better now! The tension between Ellie and Al is really interesting, and I like how Ellie really can't refute the article because it's (accidentally?) hit the nail on the head-- she has been unsupportive! Then I like how Al is warming up to Seth and Isaac, and how the friend groups seem like they really could get along quite well. I'm excited to see where it goes with Blaine and Annie, and I really love their dynamic as it continues to unfold!

Finally, the conversation between Aaliyah and Seth-- it had to happen at some point and Seth handled it so well! Honest, but comforting. Aaliyah was always going to feel guilty, but he isn't babying her about it, and he understands where she's coming from.

Great chapter and I can't wait for the next update! :)


Author's Response: Hi J!

The tape was sort of a surprise itself. It never meant to happen but I thought of it and it kind of built from there. I'm really glad that you're surprised... that's how I wanted it to be. That scene was a little nerve-wracking since the words came to me easily but I wasn't sure if I balanced it right. Albus was talking a lot of the time and I tried to weave Aaliyah's commentary around his story to make it flow better. I'm really glad to hear that you thought it was well done!

They are getting along! It's surprising. The groups are going to end up interacting a lot due to Albus and Aaliyah since both of them are so attached to their friends. I knew I wanted one of Aaliyah's friends being unsupportive from the very beginning and that turned out to be Ellie. But Ellie will grow to like Albus and vice versa... well I think so. Blaine and Annie... they're fun to write. There is the guy who has a huge crush on the girl and there is the girl who has no idea how to react. And it's something both of the groups know about and are always hinting at.

They took forever to sit down and talk about it, but it did happen... in the library of all places. Seth is reasonable. He knows it isn't Aaliyah's fault in the slightest and nor is it his. That and the fact that he's kind of a softie. I sometimes feel bad that I didn't give him love. He deserves it.

Thank you for the thoughtful review, J! I loved reading it! And I'll try to update soon!


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Review #40, by Diana Hanson Aaliyah: The Tape

19th July 2015:
I love this, love, love the Potter boys. Very surprised about two things...first being Fred's indiscretion and the second was James obliviating his friends. That, while understandable, was super surprising. This story is so intriguing and I am thrilled that it is only 1/3 finished. Please keep the chapters coming. I want more Aaliyah/Albus action. Thank you!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! You're too sweet. I'm really glad you like James and Albus! Potter boys are just hard to resist writing. I think it broke James a little to obliviate his friends but he knew it was the right thing to do. And Fred isn't someone who is good at keeping things inside and he kind of lost control that night. I'll try my best to keep the chapters coming! There will be some Aaliyah/Albus action next chapter so watch out for that. Thank you for the kind review!! It's been lovely hearing from you!


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Review #41, by p Aaliyah: The Tape

18th July 2015:
I'm dying to know who the girl was behind the tape incident. You're the best for updating so quickly! :) Can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: We'll find out who the girl behind the tape incident is before the end of the story, don't you worry! I hope it'll be surprising. I'll try my best to update again by the end of the month or beginning of next month! Thank you for taking the time to drop a review! I love hearing from readers!


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Review #42, by Dirigible_Plums Aaliyah: The Tape

18th July 2015:

(First of all, lemme tell you how much I love the curiosity line. It's probably my favourite one in the entire chapter.)

...And the plot thickens. I wonder where the Tape/Memory Card is now and whether it'd make any difference whether they find it or not. I have the feeling that Ronan is the type to have memorised its contents anyways, but uses the existence of it to hold over the Weasleys' heads.

I think I'm gonna re-read all of the chapters because I completely forgot about the existence of Professor Reagan and if he's as hot as the girls of Hogwarts say he is, that's just not acceptable. I think that I just need to go through it again to refresh my memory.

I like that Seth doesn't appear to resent Aaliyah for not returning his feelings. I also love the banter between the Slytherins. Ah, Slytherins. Gotta love them.

Until next time,

Dirigible_Plums xo

Author's Response: Hello again!

I feel like I channeled some John Green with that line because now that I think about it I feel like he had a similar one.

The plot does thicken a bit. Or I hope so anyway. I myself don't know where the tape is. :P Okay, so maybe I have an idea where it is... but I can't exactly tell you. And you're definitely right about Ronan... she is the type to memorize all the contents.

Professor Reagan! *swoon* He isn't talked about a lot in the story but he is mentioned in chapter six I believe. I honestly think I have to make a chappie of him. Then everyone will see why the Hogwarts girls find him so attractive.

Seth is too sweet to resent Aaliyah. He's a big softie! Also he's a Ravenclaw so he knows that it isn't anyone's fault and that Aaliyah doesn't have to reciprocate the feelings. I sometimes wonder if I should make another character just for him... he deserves love.

How can you not love Slytherins? They're so devious and cunning. What's not to love? :P On another note, I'm really glad you liked their banter!

Thank you for taking the time to review! I love hearing from you! I hope you keep enjoying the story...

Until next time,

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Review #43, by Gabriella Hunter Aaliyah: The Meeting

17th July 2015:

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review for our swap! I'm sorry that I'm just now getting to it!

So, this seems like a really fascinating beginning to a story. I have never stumbled across this before but I'm glad that I decided to give this a chance. I'm really curious about the mix of characters that you've introduced, Aaliyah is one person that I'd really like to know more about. What are her issues? She seems to be hiding a lot from other people and I'm really eager to find out about what might be happening with her past. I liked the way you described her fear though, it was like a living thing that was actually taunting her.

Now, I have to say that you introduced James and her sister very well. I like reading about various relationships with the Potter kids that aren't very typical and I loved this easy going James here. He's great and I was a little surprised by this curious horror that you made out of Albus. I hardly ever see him being portrayed this way and if he isn't the most cunning little snake in the grass...

Aaliyah has some great commentary too, I was totally invested in her POV. I think that she's got some great wit and she's a tad frank too, especially when it came to Ronan, Albus and her own weariness with it all. I really love that about her so far, she's not wasting words on things that aren't going to help her at the moment.

I kind of wanted to smack Albus in that last scene though. What an annoying little snot! He's so cocky and sure of himself on one hand but he's manipulative and snide on the other. I shouldn't like it, but I do. He reminds me alot of the Teddy Lupin that I created for my story, "Transparent". They would get along really well and that's scary. Hahahaha.

I do wonder what Aaliyah has to hide though but I'm glad that she didn't give in to Albus's proposition. I have a feeling that she's not going to have a choice though, from what Albus implied. >.>

Thanks for the read!

Much love,


Author's Response: Hi Gabbie! There is a character in Crossing the Borderline that has the same name but spelled differently! Yay for connections.

Aaliyah has a lot of... baggage? I guess that's the right word. She has a lot of history which comes out slowly throughout the story.

I'm glad you liked the introduction of James and Gabby. They play crucial roles in the story especially later. I love writing easy going James. I always pictured him like that. And cunning Albus... in my head Albus got sorted into Slytherin so I had to make him devious.

Aaliyah is straight forward, isn't she? And I'm really happy to hear that you think she's witty! I tried to write her like that but wit isn't easy to write in my opinion.

Is it bad that I'm really happy that you want to smack Albus? That was kind of the goal. He's supposed to be a real jerk in the beginning. It's the Potter charm. That's why you like him even though you shouldn't. No one can resist the charm, not even me. I'm now really interested in "Transparent." I mean a cunning Teddy Lupin sounds so intriguing. How can you not like manipulate, cunning male characters?

I thought it would be a good twist to have her say no at first. And I can't see her giving in that early but she does... eventually.

Thank you for the wonderful, sweet review! I had a great time doing our swap!


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Review #44, by wolfgirl17 Albus: The Family

15th July 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl back again with your requested review form over at the forums. As always you have a fantastic fic on your hands.

Also, what a monster of a chapter! And I noticed that the next one is even bigger. I will say that you certainly have a gift because usually when I see such long chapters I begin to despair, but your writing is so immersive that it all passes quickly, with all the enjoyment and marvel I've come to expect from your fantastic writing.

I did find this little mistake, if you have time to do an edit of the chapter:

“Yup. Who knew getting through hungry teenagerss would be that hard?” she thinks aloud.

You've got that double s there as a tiny typo. I also found this one:

"She doesn’t giving him any attention though. Instead, she’s smiling at James and he’s smiling at her back."

and this one, where you accidentally wrote boyfriend instead of girlfriend:

“Anyway… Aaliyah, I’m Lily which you already know since you used to come to our house like all the time, but now that you are my brother’s boyfriend, I’m your sister-in-law.”

I really liked the way you developed their relationship some more during this chapter, though I still have so many questions of where it's going to go and what they're all hiding. Why did Fred screw her over? Why did he cheat on her? Why do they need to pretend to be together?

As always, this chapter was wonderfully exciting and engaging. If you have time, make sure to do a thorough edit, as I noticed a few more typos throughout. Great story.


Author's Response: Yeah, chapter 6 and 7 are quite long! That tends to happen at times! Sorry about the length but it's great to hear that you didn't get bored with how long it is.

I actually just went back and edited everything you pointed out as well as change like like to fancy in Chapter 5. Thank you so much for pointing the mistakes out. I'm terrible at editing... it's the one thing I like to avoid when it comes to writing.

Ah, Fred... poor soul. Well, not really. I think that's revealed in Chapter 11 so it's a couple chapters away haha. The pretending is because they both feel like the owe Gabby and James. And because of something that Ronan has (that'll come later as well).

I'll probably go back and edit over it again because I know I still missed a bunch of things. I'm going to make myself sit down and do it in the next few days... I'll put a ban on writing the next chapter if I don't edit the old ones. :P That'll probably get me to do it.

Thank you for the lovely review as always! It's been very helpful! Not only the typos you found but your questions. They remind me of what I haven't revealed yet and what I need to explain more in depth.


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Review #45, by Penelope Inkwell Aaliyah: The Meeting

14th July 2015:

So, I have read lots of this story already, just a few days ago (I didn't review, which is against my policy; it was late and I was exhausted & had a headache and you know how you convince yourself that you'll come back and review when you're coherent? Well, I am actually doing that now, so hopefully I'm not too terrible).

There is so much to love in this first chapter! First off, your MC's name. I just like it. :D

Then, of course, there's that beginning. You begin the story beautifully. The utter silence as she's walking down the hall, then the mounting whispers of the paintings. It sets the mood wonderfully. It makes you feel a little anxious, jittery, and deeply curious about what is going on. It was a fabulous way to make us feel like there were already high stakes, and it fits the theme of the chapter, which is clearly gossip (and trying to control it).

Then of course we have James and Gabby and Albus, but even as we meet them you're just revealing snippets. Why is Aaliyah so anxious? What's up with Gabby and James--they seem pretty happy and comfortable for recent exes? What are they trying to accomplish. And of course you answer some of those questions, leaving us with plenty more. You tug the plot along quite well that way.

Also, I really like that you made Charlotte Ronan a Hufflepuff. Defy House stereotypes! Whoo! I'm all for it. I mean, like you say, she's hardworking. That doesn't always mean that they'd choose the best things to work hard at.

Sooo, the juciest bit of all: Gabby and James have been faking a relationship to keep the spotlight off other high profile students, Aaliyah in particular. Why? Is she just shy, or is there something bigger here? (I mean, obviously since I've read ahead I know it's something bigger. I'm just saying, that is intriguing).

And does Albus have ulterior motives for all this?

You've set up your really well here. I can already tell we've got two strong personalities. Not that Aaliyah seems like a loud person or anything--the opposite, really--but it seems like they can both hold their ground. Bound to be an interesting pairing, right there :D

CC: So, as a rule, I always try to give CC (except in the HC collab, since the authors can't change anything or answer back). And I'm super, super nitpicky. But I only seriously nitpick stories that I really like. So there's a good amount here, but PLEASE don't think that it implies that I don't think your story is marvelous, because it is. It's so fabulous that I wanted to point out everything I questioned. I know I write without a beta, so I depend on readers pointing out my mistakes to me so that I can make my story as good as it can be.

"The stranger, in fact, isn’t a stranger at all; he is none other than Albus Potter. I know who he is, but I barely know the real him. Nevertheless he is like a stranger to me (technically)".
--This bit seems a little convoluted to me, and sort of like a misuse of the word "technically. I'd suggest restructuring a bit. I always feel like I should give an example when I say that, so I'll throw one in, but of course, it's just one of many possibilities:

"Technically, of course, he isn't a stranger. The boy with the dark hair and brooding eyes is none other than Albus Potter. Of course I know his name--who doesn't? But I don't know the real him at all. He's as much a stranger to me as any unknown first year."

""Sure, 'cause scrubbing the Great Hall for a month and cleaning out Slughorn's troll wax jars isn't that bad,' he finishes off by drawing the last sentence longer than necessary."
--You say he draws 'the last sentence' longer than necessary, but he only said one sentence. Maybe the last word? And also it should be "drawing the sentence/word out" longer than necessary".

I think that is what we all were anticipating and craving for, except for the smug middle Potter, who is currently looking at us calmly, with a side of amusement?
--You would probably just say "craving", rather than "craving for". But that also confuses me. Why are they craving this interaction? It seems like they find the whole thing rather unpleasant. And why is there a question mark at the end.

"He pays his attention back to James and Gabby."
--Generally, you'd say "gives his attention back" rather than "pays". Though come to think of it, I don't know why that is, since "to pay attention" is a thing. English is so weird.

He's both nervous and anxious.
--Nervous and anxious mean pretty much the same thing, so you only need one of them. Unless you mean to say "He's both nervous and anxious to be done with all this," or something. That would give the word "anxious" a purpose.

That is why you don’t mess with her, though you also can’t forget that she is only a Hufflepuff (don’t ask how she got there). Hardworking with weaknesses that you can dig up. If you push the right buttons, she will shatter. And she isn’t the type to pick up her own pieces.
--This observation intrigues me. It implies that Aaliyah is a fighter. But its placement seems odd, because the way you describe her immediately before is as a nuclear force holding all the cards. It seems odd that, immediately after, Aaliyah would be like, "But she's totally got weaknesses to exploit," when the whole point of the previous sentences seems to be to define Ronan as unbeatable. I think it's a great statement, but it might make more sense to put it in another place in the story.

"Weighing my options, my lips turn down into a frown. It is rather yes or no. Yes or no? Yes or no? Maybe yes, but then maybe no."
--The "It is rather yes or no," sentence here doesn't really make sense.

I really like this story and I'm planning on coming back to review more chapters! Pretend relationships are my favorite fanfic trope!


Author's Response: Hi, Penny!

I do that too often late at night. Telling myself I'll review later is a weakness for me haha. I should probably quit that habit.

I'm glad you like Aaliyah's name. To be honest, I like it too or else I wouldn't have gave it to her.

I thought I would use the beginning to story of of set up the place she's in and where she's going. I've always thought the paintings at Hogwarts were interesting so I really wanted to include them as well. I'm glad that you thought it set up the mood nicely as well.

The first chapter does always bring questions haha. At end of writing it I had to ask myself how would I reveal everything and during which chapter. I think that's how I deal with the plot I'm trying to weave.

I thought making Charlotte Ronan a Hufflepuff would make the character more interesting. Also I dislike the stereotype that Puffs are either lame or wannabe Lions. So yes defy stereotypes! And you're absolutely right about the hardworking part.

There is something bigger haha. I wouldn't say Aaliyah's shy but that she doesn't like too much attention.

Albus... he always has ulterior motives. Never trust snakes I tell you.

I'm really happy to hear that you think Albus and Aaliyah are strong characters even though both of them aren't loud but calm and level-headed.

CC is always appreciated. I actually already read over this review a few days ago and edited a lot of the parts you pointed out. So thank you so much for this!! Editing is the bane of my existence so when someone points things out I'm more relieved that someone else noticed rather than me having to go back and find it.

"I think that is what we all were anticipating and craving for, except for the smug middle Potter, who is currently looking at us calmly, with a side of amusement?"
^^ For this one they aren't craving the interaction. The sentence before says "You know when you are expecting someone but are secretly hoping that they won't show up?"

Thank you for the sweet and helpful review! Pretend relationships are a bit cliche but so fun to write and read. Throwing two characters together and making them slowly fall for each other... it's evil but interesting.

Thanks again, Penny!


P.S. I'm visiting Traitorous Hearts again soon. ;)

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Review #46, by wolfgirl17 Aaliyah: The Slytherins

12th July 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl here to check out your re-request for a review from me. You know I love this fic, so don't ever think I'd mind ;)

How do you always manage to so effectively hook me with this fic?? I't just so brilliant. I love the way you portray Aaliyah and Albus, and so far I'm liking these new characters you've introduced. I don't think it was too rushed or too much at once. It makes sense that eventually she would need to meet the rest of Al's dorm-mates.

I do have one little brit-pick to offer, which is the use of the word "fancy" in favour of "like like". As in "Aaliyah, I really fancy you."
Rather than: "Aaliyah, I like like you." It's not a huge thing and it's sometimes fun to include the like-like cliche, but it's better clarity to use fancy.

I love the way you've added some depth to both Al and Aaliyah in this chapter, and I seriously cannot wait to see where you take the rest of the fic. It's such a brilliant story.

I've been meaning to set aside some time to just sit and read the whole thing and really immerse myself in it. I'll get there eventually =)

Keep up the absolutely fantastic work!


Author's Response: Ellie! It's sad that I hadn't noticed before that I have a character in this story with the same name. :O

It should be illegal to be this kind. Really, you have smiling so widely!

In the beginning I was skeptical about writing Aaliyah and Al that way because it isn't the usual. Instead of a feisty, confident girl you have clever, level-headed Aaliyah and instead of an arrogant, charming guy you have calm and calculating Albus. I'm really glad you like them!

Introducing new characters is always fun but it can go either way. It's great to hear it didn't seem to rushed.

I actually like the word fancy much more. Thank you so much for picking that out! I'm going to edit that in once the next chapter is out. I tend to edit older chapters at the same time as when I put a new chapter out to avoid readers thinking there was an update when there wasn't.

Thank you for the helpful review! I'm trying to get better a Britishisms but it's a slow development and your brit-pick really helped! And thank you for all the love and kindness!


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Review #47, by Dirigible_Plums Albus: The Wing

10th July 2015:

Wow. It's been ages since I've reviewed. I tend to be one of those silent readers that fangirls to myself in secret, but I thought I'd come out of hiding for once.

I don't know what to say except that I really like this. I love Al because he's exactly the type of Al that I imagine him to be. I've seen some people place him in Slytherin, but have him act very much like a Gryffindor, but you don't do that. And I love you for that.

And yay, their relationship is progressing. I really like how it seems natural. It's not like a switch has been flicked and suddenly they're in love now. It's just...normal.

Great work!

Dirigible_Plums xo

(Oh and before I forget: WHAT IS THIS TAPE YOU SPEAK OF.)

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you came out of hiding! I'm pretty sure I remember you leaving reviews on this story before so thank you for those and thank you for taking the time again to leave another!

Slytherin Albus is just so much more fun to write than Gryffindor Albus, you know? I feel like JK Rowling wrote so many of her main characters Gryffindor and we're so use to that house that it's time to branch out and experiment with the other three houses.

They're relationship is progressing, slowly by steadily. I think the only way they can be in love with each other instantly is if you gave them both love potions haha. Who knows... maybe I should do that.

The tape. It's coming next chapter, don't worry! It's something that happened in the past and Aaliyah doesn't know about it but she really wants to. She's going to get it out of Al next chapter.

Thank you for the kind review!


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Review #48, by happyanon Albus: The Wing

9th July 2015:
Oh my lord!!! I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw the update! First of all, i LOVE this longer than usual chapter. Thank you for that!! And adore this chapter mainly because who would have thought Rosie and Albus will have this heart to heart in the hospital wing. I totally get Rosie now. We are kind of the same in that way. I have numerous cousins and I'm one of the oldest, I've always felt like they're my children so when they started getting into relationships I ended up being the icy cousin who hates their girlfriends/boyfriends. But we also had a similar talk i mean wow this actually hits home in a sort of diff way. But atleast now I understand Rosie. I love how Lily is just so sassy but she was actually worried about albus in that "I'm a sassy chic" way. And yes Gabby and James!! What is going there fellas!! Hahaha Annie and Scorpius are cute. Maybe they can be sibling friends. Blaine come on man!!! TALK TO HER!! i love the couch scene. With albus and aaliyah and albus POV. I missed it too! Haha You know I sort of get the title now. Crossing the Borderline. Right now Albus said their in some sort of borderline. Just. Omg all my feels.. CROSSING THE BORDERLINE. WILL THEY THO? WHEN? HOW? so exciting!! AND! OMG YES!! When Aaliyah was like " I want to know about the tape" I was like vocally "YEAH ME TOO ALBUS SEVERUS". I mean i really want to know so fingers crossed that albus does not dilly dally and actually tell excited for the hopefully revelations next chapter!! I still haven't forgotten the wink. Why did Ronan wink at albus.. and that time she was staring at them in the great hall before the match. I was actually expecting her to visit him at the hospital. I don't know i just have a feeling about her. Like she knows something. Im not entirely sure what she knows. Whether she's in cahoots with albus and this was her plan? Or with fred? She definitely interests me as much if not more than the tape. And also of Aaliyah being the "King" because for some reason and it might seem shallow my head keeps saying that when you play chess, everyone protects the King. Especially the Queen. Who James coincidentally said is Albus. So yes, this entire thing is interesting. It's almost like watching a melo-drama with hints of mystery in them. I love it! And omg was that me who got a shoutout! That's so sweet! Hahaha thank you! But your write this wonderful story who's been giving me comfort for awhile now so there's no need. Much love dear and I hope and look forward to the next update!! Xoxo

Author's Response: Your reviews always make me smile and laugh! At parts I was grinning like mad, no joke.

Is it longer than usual? I actually hadn't noticed. Word count just tends to differ each chapter. I am always nervous that readers will get bored if I give a chapter that too long haha. So thanks for reassuring me!

Yes, Rose and Albus had a heart to heart! Rose isn't one of favorite characters in this story but I couldn't just make her hate Aaliyah for no reason, you know? So I thought this chapter would be a good place to have her explain herself. It's so cool that you relate to her. That's one of my goals as an author: write relatable characters. I totally understand the cousin thing. Becoming protective of family is just an instinct. Rose has had that instinct ever since Hugo was born I think.

In my head, Lily Potter is supposed to be sassy, hence I made her sassy. But she cares a lot about her brothers. I'm glad you liked her!

What is going on between Gabby and James? I have utterly no clue. ;)

Annie and Scorpius could be sibling friends. And then Scorpius can keep excessively dropping hints about Blaine haha. Aww Blaine, so shy for a Slytherin. He'll talk to her... one day.

The title is sort of a mystery itself. In my original summary of the story I tried to explain it but it didn't work out so well. I unintentionally made sense of it this chapter and a reader noticed it... yay! Hmm... I don't know about crossing the borderline... I mean if you cross it you can never go back... dangerous place really. I'm kidding, they will eventually cross it. *fingers crossed*

It's coming out all next chapter! The story behind the tape will be out for you guys to read. It's weird knowing that I'm going to reveal it, but I'm excited!

The wink. That'll come out in a few chapters (Chapter 18 to be exact). And that's all I'm going to say because I'm an evil author. Okay I give in... one more hint: it doesn't have anything to do with Fred.

Everyone does protect the king in chess. I actually can't play the game for the life of me but I thought it would be a good comparison.

You were one of the ones who got a shoutout! Thank you for all your lovely reviews! They give me a lot of motivation and put a smile on my face.

I hope the story lives up to expectations and the next chapter should be up next week. Thanks again!!


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Review #49, by Pullynnhah Albus: The Wing

9th July 2015:
I`m terrible at reviews so I`ll be quick .love your story!!! Can`t wait for more:)

Author's Response: It's alright! I'm terrible at responses as well. ;) I'm glad you're liking it so far! I love hearing from readers so thank you for taking the time to drop me this review. The next chapter shouldn't take too long.

Thank you for your kind words,

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Review #50, by asdfghjkl Albus: The Wing

9th July 2015:
Everytime I see a new update for this story I get giddy! I love reading from albus' pov. His character is so complex (I mean they all are but its kinda neat to get a look inside his head once in a while). I love that we got to see more lily in this chapter! And I like the progression into her asking about the tape. It's good I think that she didn't do it right away after james told her to ask albus. And I mean obviously he was injured not long after so there were other things to worry about, but she seems so set in knowing about it that it shows how much she really cares for albus that she didn't push it on him right away! Update soon!

Author's Response: Yay, someone likes reading Albus's pov. It always feels like more people prefer Aaliyah but I like switching between the two. I get what you mean about him being complex. He's different from the rest. I think that's what makes it neat to look inside his head. Haha yes, Lily! I've been wanting to bring her back for some time. I'm glad you liked seeing her!

I love it when readers notice details and you noticed one that even I overlooked. Aaliyah had to put her curiosity on hold but it will pay off. We'll be finding out next chapter. And she does care about him even if she won't tell him that directly.

I'm going to try and get the next chapter up in a week so it shouldn't be too long. Thank you for taking the time to write such a sweet review!!


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