Reading Reviews for Crossing the Borderline
  
163 Reviews Found

Review #26, by jamessiriuspotterforever Aaliyah: The Party

28th December 2015:
This was again an amazing chapter. You have outdone yourself yet again. The dressing up as a vampire idea?ooh kinda feisty.
I just love Scorpius and his nerd costume. Such a cutsiepoo he is. Him and Alby, best friends forever. They remind me of James and Sirius, not in personality. Just the friendship shiz haha.
Moving on. Favourite scene?
I'm sure you are fun when you want to be. Spontaneous? I think quitting the Ravenclaw Quidditch team to focus on your studies is spontaneous. And I think choosing not to drink and staying away from the cliché that is wasted teenagers is more adventurous and wild than anything else."

^ Honestly i just love it when Al is observant. Woo hoo. You go ma man xD

I also like that she doesn't like drinking. Another thing that isn't cliche. Thank God! And also cuz i can relate to that.

Best thing about Al in this chapter? Well he can be pretty understanding for a 'fake' boyfriend.

And lastly Scorpius's drunken fit about Rose Weasley was so adorable. I wanted to squeal and dance around the room like a madwoman. I swear I am going mental.

Next chapter now! Bubye :')

Author's Response: The dressing up as a vampire was inspired by an image I wanted to use of Aaliyah's face claim where she has red lipstick on and her hair and eyes look darker. It's in chapter image currently haha.

I couldn't help but make Scorpius a nerd since he can practically rock anything. And the suspenders were too hard to resist! They remind you of James and Sirius? That's actually great, seeing as I really wanted to write them as close!

Albus is observant by nature and with Aaliyah it's even more extreme since he wants to figure her out.

Aaliyah doesn't drink! Woo! Honestly, I wanted to write someone who doesn't go along with that sort of stuff but the people around her perfectly are okay with it and don't pressure her to change. And also it helps that Albus isn't s big fan either so now they can be sober buddies!

Scorpius couldn't control himself haha. And of course when he's drunk he has to say something about Rose, especially since he's so jealous and in love with her. And now Aaliyah knows about his crush, go figure!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! This really brought a smile on my face! :)

~Sama


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Review #27, by jamessiriuspotterforever Albus: The Family

28th December 2015:
she corrects, a smirk etched on her face. That’s when I notice how different her smirk is from the Potter smirk, and the Weasley smirk, and the Malfoy smirk. It isn’t patronizing or deviously cunning. It is just a smirk. One that is teasing and light. Maybe even sweet.

^ my favourite start of the chapter scenes. This is so deep you know, he's starting to see her differently already. I know this is the way its supposed to be but it still makes me happy HAHAHA ._. guess i am a hopeless romantic after all eh?

THE WEASLEYS/ POTTERS ARE THE BAWMB. I mean, I love Lily and the way she teased Alliyah by calling herself the sister in law. Adorbs

Author's Response: I actually don't even remember writing that part, is that bad? :P
Chapter six is one of the turning points in their relationship. And that shows in how Albus is constantly asking if she's okay. But yes, you are definitely correct in that Albus starts seeing her differently! I honestly think we are all hopeless romantics on the inside so it's all good. ;)

Aren't they great? Best wizarding family to write about and the next gen kids are so interesting. I couldn't help but throw that comment in. I really wanted to make Albus uncomfortable and one of the only people who can do that and get away with it is Lily. I'm glad you thought it was cute!

Thank you continuing to read the story! You reviews make me smile and definitely give me the motivation to write the next chapter! Thanks again!

~Sama


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Review #28, by jamessiriuspotterforever Aaliyah: The Slytherins

28th December 2015:
Hmm… past girlfriends.”

His eyebrows shoot up and he rubs the back of his neck. Oh, am I making him nervous? Well, this is going to be fun.

“That isn’t exactly small talk,” he points out.

“Is Albus Potter scared? Or even better, is Albus Potter hiding something?” I tease.

“No, I’m not hiding anything.” I raise an eyebrow at him and he doesn’t react. “Why do you want to know anyway?”

“I don’t know. I can’t even imagine someone willingly dating you. Have you ever even dated anyone?”

He rolls his eyes. “Yes, I have.”

^ This was my favourite part. All the Albus/ Aaliyah 'small talk'. I am so happy to see him actually trying and respecting Aaliyah's choice if she doesn't want to open up just yet. I even think their fake relationship is sort of adorable hah .-.
Like when Albus called her fat indirectly.
You know for a person who is supposed to be her best friend, I don't quite see James a lot in this fan fiction cuz that's a major bummer. He's my favourite next generation kid.
When I had opened this story i had thought this would be a James/ OC story. Even though it wasn't I decided on reading it and i am so glad that i do cuz its fantastic!
I just want more James and more Albus and Aaliyah one on one time ;)
Ohh and I find Scorpius adorable. The conversations between Albus and Scorpius can be downright witty and filled with sass. Enlightening too cuz of your interesting choice of topics and words haha.
On to the next chapter! :')

Author's Response: Yay, someone is quoting a part! It's actually been forever since I've gone through the beginning chapters so this refreshed my memory a little bit. I'm glad you liked the small talk. The two of them kind of need it.
I do need to work James in more, don't I? Sorry about that! I'll have to keep that in mind for future chapters! And he is one of my favorite next gen kids as well! I mean it's really hard to not like him.
I can see why you could confuse it as a James/OC story. If I remember correctly the ship is in the pairings part of the summary. I'm glad you like it even though that isn't the main pairing of the story!
Yes, Scorpius! I'm always super excited when someone likes him since he's pretty different from Albus.

Thank you for reading and review! I'm glad you are enjoying the story! And I loved hearing your thoughts on the chapter and story so far!

~Sama


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Review #29, by jamessiriuspotterforever Aaliyah: The Meeting

28th December 2015:
Okay, so I wont be lying if i said that your writing style has a professional writer-ish touch to it. You tell stuff but leave A LOT to be desired. The things aren't overly friendly or overly mushy either.
The situation feels somewhat realistic and the way you have handled Albus's character is way different than what I have always read in other fanfics.
Sooo, here's to a job well done.
I can't wait to find out the 'real' reason why the both of them 'owe' their siblings.

Author's Response: You think my writing has a professional touch to it? That's so sweet of you to say, though I am undeserving of that compliment! And yes I do tend to leave out a lot to build mystery and drama. I think it's more fun to write the story that way.

Albus is a tad different from the usual but I have read him as a Slytherin and a very devious one at that and I think inspired his characterization since I liked him like that better than the brave nice Gryffindor. I hope that all made sense.

Thank you for taking the time to read and review! It's always the best to hear from new readers! And yes we do get to find out their reasons later on in the story!

~Sama


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Review #30, by pinkpanther16 Albus: The Past

24th December 2015:
First of all: Aah!!! Second of all: AAAH! Ronan really knows how to stir stuff up. I'm just waiting for the day when she gets a taste of her own medicine. And what's with this "canoodling" and "rolling in the sheets"? Huh, Al? And Scorpious's "Don't go back to your old habits"? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! On another note, thanks for updating. I love this story! I'll follow it until the end, however long it takes you. Its so intriguing, I have to know what happens next!

Author's Response: It would be fun seeing Ronan in a tough situation for once! But that's going to take a while to come because she's so careful.

Oh, Al! I can't tell if I'm mad at him or want to hug him for being with Ronan. He really can't stay away from trouble!

I actually can't tell you what's going on with Scorpius other than he knows more than he lets on. ;)

Aw, I'm so glad you are liking the story! And the next chapter is up and I'm hoping chapter 20 won't take too long. Thank you so much for continuously leaving terrific reviews!

~Sama


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Review #31, by Dirigible_Plums Albus: The Past

22nd December 2015:
Hey,

I was gonna come here anyway, but I thought I'd leave you a review for the QTR event too even though I'm on my pathetic excuse of a phone because why not? I came expecting to be fangirling about Al/Aaliyah. Instead...

WHY, AL?! WHY WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN WITH RONAN. WHY?

I mean, I feel sorry for him since Ronan clearly hurt him. But this is not going to go down well with Aaliyah. Or anyone.

Moving on from the bitter betrayal...

Of course, I'm intrigued by Ronan's comment. Who's the third Wotter boy and what does he have to do with Aaliyah? The only relevant person I can think of is James & I really hope it's not him. IT CAN'T BE HIM.

A lot has me intrigued actually e.g:

-"Don't go back to your old habits, Al." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

-"You’re as destructive as they come, Albus Potter.” Al: do not mess this up. You and Aaliyah are too cute for Ronan's words to get to you.

Can't wait till the next chapter. I hope we get to see more of Aaliyah! I wonder how Al's going to behave around her. Hmm...

Happy holidays!

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hello, Plums!
I may have sort have crushed some of the Al/Aaliyah vibes with this chapter... opps? Al's past just had to come out... even if I liked keeping him innocent (well as innocent as a Slytherin can be).

Albus... he's like his Dad... not able to stay away from trouble... except instead of Voldemort it is in the form of Ronan.

Aaliyah definitely won't take it well when she finds out. But that's future chapter talk haha.

Oh you caught the third Wotter thing! I was hoping someone would catch that! There is a third one but I can't say who it is... but it will come up and Albus will get suspicious.

It means Albus can't get back to his naughty habits. ;) I'm kidding, Scorpius just knows more than he let's on.

Al should just erase that memory! That and all his memories of Ronan! Because he is as destructive as they come sadly. We'll have to see how he and Aaliyah fare. *fingers crossed*

Thank you for the sweet review! I loved your reactions, especially to Albus/Charlotte (it's actually weird referring to her with her first name and not Ronan)! And the next chapter is up and a very happy holidays to you!!

~Sama


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Review #32, by wolfgirl17 Albus: The Matchmaker(s)

1st December 2015:
Hey Sama,

Wolfgirl here with your requested review from over at the forums. Finally. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get over here to check this out. I have absolutely no excuse. How is it, that every time I wander away from your brilliant story, I forget how amazing you are? Every time I come back I wind up laughing and grinning like a fool.

You've definitely got a knack for writing Next-Gen characters. I also really love how sarcastic both Albus and Aaliyah are in this fic. It really makes them much more enjoyable to read.

I will say that this chapter did feel a little flatter than some of the others, but I think that's mostly due to the heavy amount of dialogue in this one and a little less of Albus's inner-monologue, which I've grown particularly fond of.

All in all you've got a truly fantastic fic here, as I'm sure you know from my multitude of squees regarding how hilarious and fabulous you are. I really do enjoy reading this one. You've got a real knack for creating mystery and intrigue while feeding me little morsels of detail that keep me hungry for more. I'd have loved to see some more of Albus's inner workings and musing in this chappie, but I don't doubt there will be much more of his brand of brilliance to come.

Looking forwards to reading the rest of your fic.

You're fantabulous!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Ellie!

There is definitely no need to apologize! I totally understand, time always seems to slip away for most of us.

It's great to hear that I can get you to laugh and smile! Who doesn't want to get the great Ellie to grin?

I'm really going to have to write a longer length story one day where none of the characters are sarcastic at all since I tend to make almost all of my characters sarcastic. I really can't help it but I'm glad that you like their sarcasm!

I'll have to probably go back over this chapter. If I remember correctly, most of this chapter is dialogue whether it is between Albus and Aaliyah or Aaliyah and the Slytherins. I'll maybe have to try and sneak more of Albus's monologue in. And you have no idea how happy I am that you like reading about his inner thoughts... I always felt I wasn't that great at doing those, hence why I divert to dialogue.

Thank you for taking the time to read and review! And thank you for all the compliments. And I was smile when it sounds like someone likes Albus because he's Albus and he isn't always that likable but I still love him. I hope the story won't disappoint in the future and thank you again for all that you do!

~Sama


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Review #33, by _brii.rox Aaliyah: The Cronies

31st October 2015:
Please, please continue this story! I can't wait to know what happens next!!!

Author's Response: I will definitely continue the story, no worries. It just may take time to get updates up! Thanks for stopping by and chapter 18 is up!

~Sama


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Review #34, by QkStephen Aaliyah: The Cronies

30th September 2015:
I really like the story. It's outstanding and dramatic and it keeps me entertained. I can't wait for the next post

Author's Response: Hello! It's always fantastic to hear that someone is liking it! I hope you continue to like where the story is going and thank you for the compliment!

~Sama


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Review #35, by happyanon Albus: The Decision

1st September 2015:
You know Ronan is described as blonde too. Im getting major headaches trying to re-read the entire thing hoping to figure out some things. Albus says he feels guilty and responsible somehow on what happened last year to Aaliyah. That he could have stopped it. This is what's weird. What could it be!???
Omg my head. Will it be possible that it was Ronan who fred cheated her with? She's blonde too. But if so, why woulf albus feel guilty? You said the wink doesn't have anything to do with fred? So, does it mean it wasn't ronan? Hmm.. could it be one of aaliyahs friends then? Seems impossible but i dont have much choice for suspects aside from them or Ronan.
You said Fred was afraid of commitment. It could be Ronan really. Albus must have known something? Ronan and him seem to have an agreement.
But since Ronan didn't know they were fake dating, and it had nothing to do with fred what was the agreement about? (Assuming of course that theh have some sort of agreement).. That she leave the family alone? That he gives her a scandal instead? That she leaves Aaliyah alone? That she returns the tape? Or was he in love with her? The part where albus' features softens upon looking at Ronan is interesting and curious and is giving me a major headache.
Were Albus and Ronan friends? Did he like her? Were they ever more than just people who attended the same school? Because There's some sort of weird respect/acknowledgement between them. But again my question, why?
And this chick who got the tape. The only thing we have is she's brunette who came with fred... this is too hard. I have no idea who this chick is. Could it be Aaliyah herself? Ronan disguised? One of Aaliyah's friends? Omg i have so many questions... i love this fic but the questions are piling up. I think my brain is going to explode. Lol i look forward for the big reveal sweetheart! Much love! Xox

Author's Response:
Oh if Fred cheated on Aaliyah with Ronan... that would be really interesting but I'm going to have to say it's not her. But that's a very good guess! And it does match her description! And it's not one of Aaliyah's friends either... I would feel too bad for breaking one of those friendships though it would be interesting. Ronan and Albus do have a connection but it's a different type of connection... a much closer one. ;)

You're actually getting so close to the Ronan and Albus thing that I'm getting excited.

No the girl with the tape isn't Aaliyah but it does somehow have to do with Ronan though it isn't her. Okay that didn't give any clues away but the girl knew Ronan well. Does that help in any way?

I'm so glad that you are so interested in the story! You are definitely asking the right questions! And thank you for all of your sweet reviews! They always make me smile. :)

~Sama


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Review #36, by marilyn Aaliyah: The Cronies

31st August 2015:
I can't wait for your next update! Its really good!!!

Author's Response: I'm glad you are enjoying the story! The next update is up and another is coming! Thank you for taking the time to leave this. I really appreciate it!

~Sama


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Review #37, by Giù9 Aaliyah: The Tape

31st August 2015:
Hi! I've been reading this story for a while now and I find it really intriguing. I love the characters, they are all very well written and the plot is mysterious and exciting and not boring at all. I also like that it's developing on more than one path, like we have what happened with Gabby and Fred and the fake dating and Ronan and the tape.

So I have a theory about this tape. I came back to read this chapter once more, because I wanted to make sure that my theory made sense before writing it down and present it to you. I might be completely wrong.

I think Aaliyah is the mysterious girl. The description fits, a brunette with blue-green eyes, non Gryffindor. Freddie invited her; maybe they were still together or they had already broken up, in both cases he could've asked Aaliyah to join them. If they had already broken up, she might have been looking for a chance to get back at him for cheating on her, so she took the tape. She eventually changed her mind because she realized that she was holding dangerous information that could hurt not only Fred but his entire family. (I must admit I can't come up with a reason why she gave it to Ronan. Maybe it was by accident and now she feels guilty and that's the real reason why she accepted to help Albus). The reason why the others can't remember the girl clearly might be Obliviation. Since there's a very good chance that the girl completely obliviated Dom, she might have used the spell in a less effective way on everyone else, so that they could vaguely remember her features but not her face or her name. BUT the one thing that got me thinking in the first place is that sentence at the end of the paragraph: “It's a memory card.” They've always called it “the tape” and this clarification made me think that Aaliyah knows more than she lets on.

I think that's it! I'll keep reading and thinking and not studying for my exams, at all ;)

Author's Response: Hello! It's great to hear that you find the story interesting! And you think my characters are well written? That definitely boosts my confidence so thank you!

The plot is branching out a bit, but it will end with the one major point: the tape.

I really like your theory and I think it fits perfectly with most of the details I've given. The incident actually happened during the beginning of Fred's fifth year and the beginning of Aaliyah's fourth. They didn't get together till the end of that school year but they were friends then. It is obliviation! You are definitely correct about that! Aaliyah does know a little more than she lets on but that was entirely accidental. Another reader also guessed the girl was Aaliyah but I'm sad to say it isn't. The girl is actually someone we don't know.

Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing! I loved hearing your thoughts and I like how you came up with an explanation on how Aaliyah fits and I do think she could fit but it isn't her... sorry! Maybe that's a good thing? Albus would be hurt if she's the one who gave the tape away. Thank you again and good luck on the exams!!

~Sama


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Review #38, by Dirigible_Plums Aaliyah: The Cronies

31st August 2015:
OH MY GOD.

YES.

YES.

HELL YES.

That's all I can say at the moment.

Author's Response: That's actually enough words for me to know your reaction! And honestly I think that's all Al and Aaliyah could think at that moment. ;)

Thanks for dropping by, Plums!

~Sama


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Review #39, by happyanon Aaliyah: The Cronies

30th August 2015:
I died. 17 chapters. I HAD TO WAIT SEVENTEEN CHAPTERS FOR A KISS. JESUS. THIS is the longest ive had to wait for a fanfic kiss. And my God was it odd. See this is interesting because we know Ronan for some reason has this idea that maybe they aren't dating. But now there will be photos of them snogging the life from each other it makes me wonder what that devious little girl will do about it. Will there be a chapter about the ball? I wish Albus can attend with Aaliyah. So Gabby liked Fred huh? Wonder how she felt when Fred went out with Aaliyah and then cheated on her. See something has been bothering me aside from Roman winking at Albus. Why is it in chapter one, when he looked at her it was described that his features softened? That interests me so much. I have this feeling that either they were friends or they were more than that. This is giving me a headache. I have another problem.. the one who has the tape and how it ended in Ronans hands. The girl was brunette who came with Fred right? Please don't tell me its Aaliyah? Or one of her friends? This is alot of things.. i wish you'd update sooner. Im really excited what happens after the kiss. And omg they are adorable. Looove albus and aaliyab so much! Love this fic! I hope to see the next update! Muc love! Xoxo

Author's Response: Aw, I didn't mean for you to die! And yes, it was a long wait, wasn't it? But hopefully 17 chapters built up to it... I mean it was going to happen sooner or later... I think Aaliyah would have preferred later though.

What will Ronan do with those pictures? I feel she would want to burn them but she's more likely to store them somewhere for when she needs them.

The ball... I think there will be a few parts of the ball but sadly Albus is not included. But Blaine and Scorpius will be along with the whole Ravenclaw group.

Gabby did like Fred! But he didn't like her back. :( I can't tell you how she felt but I can tell you who does know, *cough* James *cough*

You are so perceptive, definitely seeing through all my hidden details! It comes out next chapter though (which is posted) so the Ronan and Albus question will be answered. And who was the mystery girl? I'm sorry to say that I can't tell you yet and that there is a wait till we find out but I love how you are trying to piece it together!

I'm glad you like them so much! And tremendously sorry for taking so long to update! And thank you so much for the terrific review and I look forward to hearing from you in the future!

~Sama


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Review #40, by Penelope Inkwell Albus: The Family

21st August 2015:
Hey Sama! Here for that extra review I had promised you! Sorry it took me a bit. Things have been crazy down in the pit, what with the Silver Scales nominations and all. But I'm here at last!

So, we finally meet the family. The whole family. I like Louis and Dom! They seem sweet. I think it's nice that you portrayed them a little differently--so often they're portrayed as the bratty, judge-y family members (I don't know whether it's because they're pretty or because they're French). And for lots of fics that works, but I'm glad to have that stereotype shaken up a bit and to see them being nice.

I'm glad that Albus doesn't back down about the Fred thing when other people address it. He cheated on her. He doesn't have a claim on her, and she should be able to date whomever she wants. Granted, she doesn't exactly "want" to date Albus, but they don't know that.

I'm glad she has James there, amongst all the crazy. Hopefully that can help keep her a little more comfortable.

Overall, Aaliyah seems to hold her own in this chapter, and the Weasley-Potters look like they're going to be mostly accepting. Maybe that's half out of guilt, but I say take your advantages where you can get them! Things are off to a decent start with this non-relationship. At least, a much better start than it could have been, considering.

Still, this whole deal with Fred is gonna end up in some kind of scandal. I just know it.

CC:

I mean I know they probably all want to me to ‘properly’ introduce Aaliyah to them, but I didn’t and still don’t know how to exactly do that.
--I'm gonna suggest a slight rephrasing: I mean, I know they probably all want me to 'properly' introduce Aaliyah to them, but I didn't, and I still don't know exactly how to do that.

There’s only one girlfriend that I have had let the family meet and that is Katie, my fifth year girlfriend.
--I suggest deleting "had"

“Yeah,” he stretches the word like he already knew that.
--If you're going to say he stretches the word out, it might also be good to show it. Like, "Yeeaah,".

It is covered with dust and has a fair share of ancient tapestries that no one dares to touch because of one, they aren’t particularly pretty and two, who knows what touched them or what they contain.
--It is covered with dust and has a fair share of ancient tapestries that no one dares to touch, because, one: they aren't particularly pretty and, two: who knows what has touched them or what they might contain?

The hallway is empty like I could have heard the little sound a pin makes when it drops.
Two suggestions. Either, "The hallways is empty. Like, I could have heard the sound little sound a pin makes when it drops." Or "The hallway is so empty you could hear a pin drop."

Turning to him, I calmly voice, “Aaliyah already isn’t happy
--"voice" doesn't seem like quite the right word here. You voice concerns or opinions, but I don't think it's generally used as a substitute for "say".

“But.."
--one period short on the ellipse, here.

I shrug at him and pass tables ‘til I get to Aaliyah’s one.
--I'd suggest cutting one and just leaving it at "'til I get to Aaliyah's."

she is infact
--"infact" = "in fact"

But not all my family likes her or gives a f*** about her really.
--But not all my family likes her, or gives a f*** about her, really.

And here I thought Ravenclaws are smart.
--in this case, I think you'd say "were" instead of "are", because even though the story is in present tense, Albus is saying he "thought".

Then, getting tired by my obvious surveying, she shrugs so I would stop observing her.
--I'd suggest rephrasing slightly. And I think "would" should be "will". Here's one possibility: Then, growing tired of my relentless scrutiny, she shrugs so that I will stop observing her."

I do the same introduction for every family members’ girlfriend or boyfriend.”
--members' = member's

I mean never, let’s anyone meet the family
--let's = lets

What does it take for a girl to joke around here.”
--missing a question mark

“..we would have understood.” Her tone is soft and sad. as if she feels betrayed that I didn’t tell her anything.
--the ellipse at the beginning is missing a period, and that period after sad ought to be a comma.

He couldn’t just ignore it, not when he is close to Aaliyah, but he does still stick by Fred (but he sticks by Aaliyah too).
--I'd suggest trying to rephrase so you aren't beginning both sections at the end with "but he"--"but he does still stick by Fred" and "but he sticks by Aaliyah, too", as it's a bit repetitive.
Maybe: He couldn't just ignore it, not when he is so close to Aaliyah, but he does still stick by Fred. He just chose to stick by Aaliyah, too.

One that Aaliyah is invited too.
--too = to

She’s short one being only five foot three inches.
--Maybe: "She's a short one, being only..." or "She's the short one, being only five foot three inches.:

Dom describes is as toffee hair, whatever that means.
--it = is

There is always winter holidays and summer break though.
--this needs a comma before "though", I think

Excluding Rose that is since she has prefect duties tonight.
--Excluding Rose, that is, since she has prefect duties tonight.

For whichever reason, I don’t know.
--I think that in this case "whichever" should be replaced with "whatever". It would be "whichever reason" if a selection of reasons had been presented before, and Albus was saying he didn't know which of those reasons was true. But when none are mentioned, I think you'd say "whatever".


I had fun meeting the whole fam in this chapter, and look forward to reading more--especially to learning what Aaliyah's thoughts were on the whole thing! See you soon!

--Penny

Author's Response: Yes, we do get to meet THE family. I get what you mean by Dom and Louis being portrayed as bratty but I wanted to make them a bit different since Dom is Gabby's best friend so she had to be likable and I wanted someone who was very accepting of Al and Aaliyah from the start and that's Louis. They are both French and pretty which is why I like them more I think since I took French in school haha. Also Fleur isn't that bad in the books, even admirable so I wanted her have nice kids.

I liked writing Albus being protective over Aaliyah because she is definitely not Fred's. And James always helps in every situation and he's happy to help.

They are for the most part okay with it (Roxanne, Rose, and Fred not so much) and yes it is mostly out of guilt but it's still a yes. And I totally agree that they should grab the advantage of it.

Fred has already caused a scandal. I'm not sure how much more he can cause but we'll have to wait and see. :)

Thank you for the corrections and suggestions, the rephrasing ones especially! I'm really going to have to start putting in my Author's Notes that the good grammar is all due to the lovely Penny!

I honestly thought it would be impossible to introduce so many characters at once but somehow it managed. Some of them were more prominent than others but they are all here (well Rose isn't really but we met her before).

Thanks so much for the extra reviews! Your reviews are always so thought out and I'm sure they take forever so even a bigger thank you!

~Sama


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Review #41, by wolfgirl17 Aaliyah: The Party

16th August 2015:
Hey Sama!

Wolgirl here finally with your requested review from my review thread. I'm sorry it took me so long. I keep falling off the wagon *blushes*

As always I absolutely adored this chapter. It was a little slower than the others, but you have this knack for weaving more and more secrets and plot-points into a tale and I can't wait for it all to come out.

Right now I'm think James maybe kinda fancies Aaliyah, but that maybe he and Gabby are kinda regretting their break-up too and I'm totally intrigued about the hatred between Aaliyah and Rose and I adore the way you portray Scorpius when he's drunk and upset over Rose not paying attention to the fact that he's alive.

And oh my gosh I'm rambling. Look at what you do to me with your tricky writing and your skills and your awesomeness! You've got me gushing and rambling over the characters to such an extent that when I read I forget about the need to be focusing on things that I can concrit or on trying to pick up on instances where you could include more Britishisms and the like and goodness me!

I really do absolutely adore your work Sama, I love the amount of personality and characterisation you bring to everyone in your fics and the way they don't feel flat and boring but are instead brimming with spunk and awesomeness and secrets. You truly have a gift.

I'm probably not achieving much for you in the way of detailed reviews at this point, but do keep requesting more reviews as this story is to die for and I might die if I don't make time to finish it. At least with the requests I can try and bring some notion of structure to it *she says, prodding the sentences and trying to get them to budge up in ways that make sense*

Keep up the positively brilliant work, love. You're stuff is to die for!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hey, Ellie! That's really alright! The wait it always worth it when it comes to you and you didn't take long at all. :)

It was a long chapter and I think that's why it moved slowly and there was a lot of interactions that needed to happen.

James, I really want to hug him! He's such a sweetie and you're right about the break up, from his part anyway. I think Rose is a character that shows another side of Aaliyah. She shows that Aaliyah isn't liked by everyone and that Aaliyah is capable of disliking someone. Ah, Scorpius! Poor soul... he only wants Rose to just look at him and notice him.

Tricky writing? I like that description and thank you for the compliments! *blushes*

It's great to hear that my characters don't feel flat. That's always a worry since there are so many of them. (I think that's what happens when one of your main characters are a part of the Weasley/Potter clan.) And yes, they all have their secrets... even the ones who seem totally innocent. ;)

I think for me hearing a reader's thoughts on events and characters help a lot. It gives me direction on what I'm doing wrong or what I should do more of. So, don't worry about it not being detailed about britishisms and what not because you still give me insight on my characters which for me his huge. And I will definitely re-request! I love hearing from you!

Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave this! There is a super short and Aaliyah interaction in the future chapters and I'm hoping to put more of them in.

~Sama


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Review #42, by Penelope Inkwell Aaliyah: The Slytherins

15th August 2015:
Hey Sama!

I particularly enjoyed the bit of dialogue where they decide they're going to try not to be so awkward, and make an attempt to get to know one another. It sounded particularly natural. It flowed well.

That moment when Aaliyah gets all cheeky is kind of adorable. I like how Al calls after her, but then just smiles and lets it go. I have a feeling that he likes that she was a little devious. He's a Slytherin, so he can appreciate a women who can wriggle out of a question she might not want to answer. At least, that's what I'm picking up.

I really like the way Aaliyah gets on with the rest of the Slytherin boys. It's just so cute! They all want to know her. Aaliyah is an interesting character. She isn't quiet, not exactly, but she comes across with this general tranquility whenever you put her in a room with other people (except Albus, sometimes). She's not loud, but she's still quite social. From in her head, we know that she freaks out quite often, but I think to people on the outside she would seem almost preternaturally composed. And I could see that appealing to Albus. He seems to place a lot of importance on poise in himself, but he also likes to crack other people. I get why she intrigues him.

Scorpius--I LOVE your portrayal of Scorpius. He's so cute. And I'm enjoying the other boys, too.

Awww, poor Aaliyah. And poor Seth. Having a friend like you when you don't like him back is so hard. Especially when he's a really nice guy. But if you don't feel it, you don't feel it, and that's not your fault. I'm really glad that Seth gets that, though. He doesn't act like he's entitled to Aaliyah, and he's willing to be honest, but he doesn't want to put her in a bad situation or make her feel guilty. I really admire that, and I hope things turn out okay for him.


CC:

The list’s title is ‘The List of Problems With Dating Albus Potter When Not Having Feelings for Him.’
--it seems like it would be hard to find any pros on a list that, according to its title, is only a list of cons?

No matter how much you want to be it, you don’t because when the two of you break up, people will always whisper about it.
--Maybe: "No matter how much you think you'd want that position, you don't. Trust me. Because when the two of you break up, people will always talk."

To be honest, I’m quite scared if she ends up finding anything ‘cause she most likely will.
--I think this would be a little smoother if re-worded, i.e. "To be honest, I'm quite scared she'll end up finding something. Knowing Charlotte, it's probably inevitable."

However, what I didn’t expect when I agreed to this arrangement is the snappy comments, snarky retorts, and half-attempted arguments. When you think about it, to have a real full-fledged argument with someone you need to know said person. Not only that, you are going to need to know how to pick out their flaws and find out their biggest insecurities. Taking that into consideration, our arguments aren’t really arguments. They are just small disagreements or pointless bickering. Basically, a string of semi-harsh words thrown at each other. (Well, whispered at each other. We can’t really yell at each other without people noticing. I mean we are supposed to be the picture of a happy couple.)
--I think this train of thought gets a little convoluted. Also, it actually sounds a bit more like Albus to me – all philosophical. He's the one who I associate with going into mental diatribes beginning with "if you think about it...". This bit seems like it's in his voice, rather than Aaliyah's.

“Excuse me?” I ask surprised.
--there should be a comma after "ask".

His mouth is a straight line and his tone is even, too even as if he is bored and I’m supposed to be his source of entertainment.
--I'd suggest splitting off the 'too even' part. i.e. "His mouth is a straight line and his tone is even – too even – as if he's bored and I'm supposed to be his source of entertainment."

still looking monotonous.
--monotonous doesn't seem like quite the right word here, but it is hard to find a synonym for "bored". Reworking it to use a "boredom" synonym might help. Maybe, "still looking as though he's drowning in the dullness of our conversation." Other good synonyms: tedium, ennui.

I ask picking up the novel I dropped earlier.
--needs a comma after ask

He’s apart of the Weasley family.
--"apart" = a part

I’ve never really kept tabs on your life or asked James about you so this is me doing my research,”
--Bit of a run on. Maybe: I've never really kept tabs on your life, or asked James about you. So this is me doing my research."

“You are kidding, right?” I whisper frantically.
--this struck me as a bit odd? Though it might be a character choice, which is fair. Why is Aaliyah so judgy about Al's relationship past. He has dated. Lots of people at 16 would have dated less. It seems odd to me that she's "frantic" over this.

“You’re turn.”
--your

You see I like to stick with boys.
--comma after "see"

(Blaine + Scropius)
--Scorpius (also, this was funny)

He has a good five-six inches on me.
--"five or six?"

“Is there an elephant in the room I don’t know about?” I inquire cringing.
--comma before cringing.

“How should I know,” he exclaims, equally frustrated.
--this needs needs a question mark or an exclamation point, rather than a comma

I noticed about three places where you had two periods ".." instead of three "..." for an ellipse.


I continue to really love the different characters you pull in. They just make me smile. And I'm enjoying watching Albus and Aaliyah's relationship grow, even if it's only a little right here. The fact that his friends like her just really made me smile.

--Penny :D

Author's Response: The part was very weird to write I think because I had to make them decide to get along which hasn't been happening so far. But the understanding was necessary. And it's great to hear that it was natural! I always had a nagging feeling that it wasn't all that normal for Albus to agree to it but thanks for reassuring me.

Albus likes that she's devious and kind of mischievous at times. And it is later that he recognizes that maybe he's been a bad influence on her but he doesn't see that in a bad light. He likes that she has some Slytherin in her. It's a breath of fresh air for him.

Oh, Slytherins. I always did feel like they had inner gossip girls in them just because I feel like they like knowing everything. Not in the Ravenclaw way of learning but in the I'm going to gain information so I can use it later for my own purposes way. And she is very calming to the people around her, even Albus... it just takes some time for her effect to work on him.

Scorpius... I really wanted to have a Slytherin that Aaliyah would without thinking become friends with. Also if she's friends with Scorpius she's in a way closer to Albus.

Seth... he really does deserve more. And honestly if Aaliyah and Albus never really met I think Seth and her would have worked.

Thank for your pointing all of those places I missed and your suggestions!! A tremendous help definitely!

Yay, you are liking Albus/Aaliyah (I really need to get a ship name for them tbh)! Their relationship will grow slowly and I think that matters in how events happen later. Thank you so much for dropping by Penny with your long, sweet reviews! I can't tell you how thankful I am!

~Sama


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Review #43, by Penelope Inkwell Albus: The Confrontations

14th August 2015:
“Last time I checked being called a “cutie” is a good thing. Not that I like being called cute, though. I prefer a more masculine term like “sexy.” Sexy is like a package deal. The word is not only masculine but bold too, just how I like it.
--*rolls eyes* Oh, Albus

I pry the paper from her hands and push my textbook in front of her since she hasn’t bothered to touch hers yet. This way if the professor looks over, it’ll seem like we’re actually doing our assignment instead of socialising.
--good way to show Albus' Slytherin-ness!

He is totally into her. Keep denying it all you want, Alby. You're obsessed.

You know, as totally unpleasant as Rose seems, I still do see why she would generally get along with Albus, in a way. They're both opinionated and conniving--a bit less warm than the rest of the family.

Awkwardness fills the space around us like a pitcher pouring water into a glass: noisily and quickly.
--I like this! :D

So far Scorpius seems to be a good foil for Al. Much lighter, in a way, but they just mesh well. I like their relationship.

The way you set up that ending with Fred is nice and mysterious, which fits his whole character. It keeps us wondering: who is this? What happened between him and Aaliyah? What did he do? Why does he want her back? WHAT is going on?

Good job!

CC:

Maybe but I don’t think crossing your fingers may help these two in the slightest.
--There should be a comma after 'maybe', and I'd recommend changing 'may' to 'will'. i.e. "Maybe, but I don't think crossing your fingers will help these two in the slightest."

This time her face clearly shows that she is startled and in a way, I get where she is coming from.
--needs a comma between 'and' and 'in', I think. i.e. "she is startled and, in a way, I get..."

My redhaired, brown-eyes cousin
--"brown-eyes" = brown-eyed

The calculating face vanishes and a smile graces her face.
--I'd suggest trying not to use "face" so much in the same small space. Maybe change the first one to "The calculating expression"?

Rose... well, she had never been and still isn't fond of Aaliyah, a nice way of saying she hates her really.
--This might flow better if you restructured it a little: "Rose...well, she never had been--and still isn't--fond of Aaliyah (a nice way of saying she hates her, really).

“What is that supposed to mean?” She snaps, sounding...
--'she' should be lowercase.

-
One thing I would suggest, and this might just be personal preference, is splitting up some of the dialogue and the description that comes after it. Like changing:

“That means that I don’t really care if you don’t ‘approve’ of her.” I sigh. Knowing Rose, this is going to turn into a quarrel and arguing with family, especially the redhaired members, always ends up being taxing.

to:

“That means that I don’t really care if you don’t ‘approve’ of her.”

I sigh.

Knowing Rose, this is going to turn into a quarrel and arguing with family, especially the redhaired members, always ends up being taxing.


There are a lot of two-line-long blocks of text in the section with Rose, and for some reason that seems to be a harder length to follow on the computer screen for me. Once again, that might be a personal thing, but splitting the sections up into shorter bits might make it easier.
-

She seems to be absolutely entertained by the list and is probably secretly hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush which it won't.
--I'd split that last part--"which it won't" off from the rest somehow. Maybe: "hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush, which it won't."
"hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush (which it won't)."
"hoping catching me in the act would cause me to blush – which it won't."

I think everyone close to her is aware of how much she watches out for Aaliyah, how much she is protective of her, well… except for Aaliyah that is. And some people, like myself, know she does it out of guilt because a couple years ago she sort of a rubbish at the older sibling thing. She didn’t really know what was going on in Aaliyah’s life and nor did she make much of an effort to. That was the way things were, but people change and it usually takes one spark, one event to change them and that is exactly what happened to Gabby.
--Okay, there are several things in this section. A couple missing or unnecessary words, some places that I thought could benefit from a split. Here's my suggestion, but to save space I'll just let you go through it:

"I think everyone close to Gabby is aware of how much she watches out for Aaliyah, how protective she is of her. Well... except for Aaliyah that is. And some people, like myself, know she does it out of guilt, because a couple years ago she sort of rubbish at the 'older sibling' thing. She didn’t really know what was going on in Aaliyah’s life, nor did she make much of an effort to. That was the way things were. But people change. Sometimes it only takes one spark, one event to change everything.

And that is exactly what happened to Gabby."

Clearly, ignorance is both of our specialities.
--is it ignorance? Or ignoring inconvenient truths?

I motion them to go on and they relentlessly follow Nott.
--relentlessly doesn't seem quite right here. Maybe "reluctantly"?

when I stand back up, I am surprised by the figure a couple away from me.
--a couple [what] away? Feet? Yards?

He smiles a smile; a humourless one, a joyless one, a painful one. His warm brown eyes sparkle in amusement and maybe even some anger; however, not the mischief they used to carry.
--Suggest: "maybe even some anger, but none of the cheerful mischief they used to carry."



Man, poor Al. Aaliyah definitely got better reactions from her friends. Very interesting dynamics.

--Penny

Author's Response: Oh Penny, your reactions are always on point, especially to whatever Albus does.

I would have actually done the same thing if I was Albus so I think that's how I thought up that. And I always see so many classmates do that as well haha.

Is Albus into her? Can Albus be into anyone that is *gasp* human? We'll have to see. ;)

Rose and Albus as very accepting of each other and that works well for them. And you are right, they are both more on the cold side. It actually hurts to write Rose that way since she's one of my favorite Next Gen kids but... that's how it all worked out.

Scorpius is a very light Slytherin? I don't really know how to explain it but he's much for easygoing and is less brooding. He's still devious but not as cold as Al. And it does work for them since they do care about each other very much. I think that shows in how Al usually only confides in him.

Fred... well he did SOMETHING. And that SOMETHING will be revealed later on. I feel like I only used caps on 'something' because I like capitalizing random words. Please excuse my weirdness lol. But he did do SOMETHING and it is very important. And I'm going to stop now.

You already know how I feel about your CC so I'll just say thank you again for taking the time to do it!! I will have to look over this chapter again when I have more time to go through it thoroughly.

They did get different reactions! Al's school friends interfered less but his family and family friends interfered more. I think it shows how different Al and Aaliyah are. The people they surround themselves were shocked but Aaliyah's was less blaming.

Thank you so much for stopping by Penny! You know I never get enough of your reviews and always enjoy reading them!

~Sama


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Review #44, by Penelope Inkwell Aaliyah: The Reaction

14th August 2015:
SAMA! *voice echoes from the distance* It's me! I'm coming *running steps, panting* I'm almost-- *footsteps growing louder*

*sudden crashing sound*

I'M HERE!!!

And I am so glad to finally be back! R&Ring more of this story has been on my to do list for ages, so here we are :D

Let's start at the beginning. I really like what you do with the chapter opening.

Sleep doesn't find me behind my closed eyes; it wavers on the top of my consciousness but doesn't come in, as if it is an unwelcome visitor.
--This sounds so good. It sets the tone nicely, and it gives Aaliyah that anxiety and depth that I feel are pretty crucial aspects of her character. I really like it.

So now you must be thinking what is Aaliyah, the girl who can’t handle unexpected events and climbing up a staircase, going to do?
--Bahaha! Oh, this made me laugh. Way to throw in some humor amidst the angst. Points for Aaliyah!

I think that whole section in the morning, with the fight in the dorms, was really well put together. Plenty of action and description and dialogue. It was good to have such a wide-awake, active scene after Aaliyah's midnight musings. I just liked the whole section a lot.

OOoh, I would kill him. I would absolutely want to kill him. Could Albus have made himself more obnoxious? COULD HE HAVE?! Ugh.

The awkwardness at the breakfast table was on point, though :D

I like her friends! And I look forward to seeing more of them. When I read through this part of the story before I must have been really speeding (and probs really tired). I'm glad I'm coming back and stopping to smell the roses. There are a lot of things I don't remember.


CC:

However, just because something is said constantly, doesn't mean it's easier to make up your mind about it.
--I don't think you need the comma, here

How is he so sure of himself, I find myself asking to no one in particular.
--I'd suggest reworking this so that you can fit in the question mark. Maybe How is he so sure of himself? I find myself asking to no one in particular."

And that guilt… it rooted from one person: Gabby.
--"rooted from" doesn't seem like quite the right phrase, here. Maybe, "originated from" or "was rooted in" or "it all originated from one direction: Gabby." There are probably some other options out there that would be better, but that's what I can come up with for now.

Just a little suggestion: when you describe the coolness of the floor, you might use the word "soothing" somewhere. I think that would give us an easier understanding of why Aaliyah is craving that sensation, and of why it seems "right".

Gosh, I don’t even want to think about the things she has been doing with the Luke bloke.
--I'd suggest replacing "the" with "this". So nitpicky, I know! But I think it'll sound more natural.

Then my textbook goes missing and on top of that Albus is probably in the Great Hall thinking, ‘which way do I tell the whole school that Aaliyah and I are dating while equally making it the most miserable way possible for her?’
--"which" here ought to be capitalized.

You see Seth's eyes tend change colour.
--"You see" should be followed by a comma.

On que...
--I think this is meant to be "On cue..."?

Annie smirks, which generally doesn’t happen too foten.
--foten = often

Yeah, well it turns out I was right since currently I am staring dreadfully at the stairs that lead to the girls’ dormitories.
--"dreadfully" doesn't seem quite right here, since it's usually used as a synonym for "awfully". Maybe, "Yeah, well it turns out I was right, since I am currently staring up at the stairs that lead to the girls' dormitories, my stomach churning with dread." Other stand-ins that might work would be, "staring, petrified, at the stairs..." or "staring fearfully".

If I had known that ‘this’ (yes, I’m going to address the relationship I’m in by ‘this’)
--little thing, but I think it might be better to say "(yes, I'm going to address the relationship I'm in as 'this') or "(yes, I'm going to refer to the relationship I'm in as 'this').

I'd suggest giving a little more weight to the section where Aaliyah starts lying to Ellie. At present it's so sudden, and such a turnaround from what she was planning, that it might be good to set it up a bit more. Maybe an analogy, like:"It's like her words have flipped some switch, turned on a spigot I didn't know I had, and the lies come pouring out, choking me with anger."

The number one thing I would suggest, overall, but especially in the first half of this chapter, is to add a bit more action. It doesn't have to be big. Just Aaliyah tossing and turning, throwing a pillow, just doing something. Aaliyah lives largely in her head, which makes a lot of sense, as she is a Ravenclaw. But sometimes long monologues can lose a bit of their punch if nothing else is happening, because the reader ceases to picture the character's surroundings.

It would be good to have her do a few more little things in the second half, too, but there you have dialogue to break up her mental wanderings, so it's pretty solid as is.



I can't remember exactly what happens in the next chapter, and I'm looking forward to being reminded.

Albus Potter, you've got some serious redeeming yourself to do :p

Good job, Sama!

--Penny

Author's Response: PENNY! *squeezes*
I've taken over four monthes to get back to your review(s). *face palms* Forgive me?

I'm pretty sure I had to draw from my own experience in the summer for that sleep line. No joke, it's impossible to fall asleep in the summer with the warm weather and the fact that there is no school makes you want to not fall asleep even more.

I'm glad you like the humor! I mean what do you do if you find yourself not being able to walk up the stairs even when you are physically capable? Honestly if it was me, I would have just sat there on the floor, waiting till I could find the nerve to go up.

I think Albus could have been more obnoxious becuase he's Albus. He would have thought up more ways, that sneaky Slytherin. Is it bad that I'm happy that you want to kill him? It makes me feel like I'm writing him right since he's supposed to be kind of (okay, very) unlikable in the beginning.

Oh, awkwardness... writing it is awkward, reading it itself is awkward. But it was necessary to write that part. I'm sure Albus was very happy that he caused it.

I like her friends too. Especially Seth because he's just a teddy bear and the fact that I made his face claim Daniel Sharman. :P

Thank you so much for the CC as always!! I'm definitely going to have to copy that whole part and put it on a notepad for when I get to editing (notice how I said when I get to it since I'm lazy).

It's alright, Albus has the whole rest of the story to redeem himself... but only after he can be a jerk a few more times because... he's Albus.

Thank you so much for dropping by Penny! Your reviews are always so thoughtful and helpful! And I love the beginning of your review, that definitely got me to smile!

~Sama


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Review #45, by pinkpanther16 Albus: The Game

1st August 2015:
Ugh, Ronan. I can't stand her. She needs to stay in her own lane. At least there was a lot of Aaliyah and Al in this one. Some almost fluff. Some almost answered questions. But wow, Gabby liked Fred? I didn't see that coming. I'm excited to hear more on that story. Glad you updated, see you next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Oh, Ronan. She really is a piece of work, isn't she? But she's surprisingly fun to write since she's so complex. Ronan should mind in own business. She's too nosy! But that's what makes a good journalist.

Yes there was some fluff and then I had to ruin it by dropping the Gabby's crush bomb. Gabby did like Fred. We'll get more into that next chapter. Is it bad that I'm glad you didn't see that coming? It was supposed to be a surprise.

The next chapter shouldn't take too long. It's just that I'm trying to get through some editing on beginning chapters before I post it.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I loved hearing from you!!

~Sama


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Review #46, by MalfoyMannor Aaliyah: The Slytherins

1st August 2015:
when I started reading this I was like nahh I'm not going to like it and now I absolutely adore it :)

poor Seth :( I love and hate it when authors make that happen, when a character reveals their feelings for another character when the character gets with someone

Author's Response: Ah, that's great to hear!! I think the summary sometimes intrigues people and at other times it puts off people so maybe that's why.

Seth... he really deserves some love, doesn't he? Authors don't like doing that either but I can't see Seth not admitting to Aaliyah his feelings, and her dating someone else really pushed him to it.

Thank you for taking the time to drop a line! And I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!

~Sama


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Review #47, by happyanon Albus: The Game

31st July 2015:
OH MY GOD. WAS IT GABBY!!?? THE GIRL FRED CHEATED WITH!? WAS IT GABBY!!?? NOOO. wasn't there some description about how the girl was blonde or something? OMG WAS IT GABBY!?? Craaap they should have kissed! They should have kissed. Whyy did they not? I was anticipating it. Img RONAN NOO WHY ARE YOU SO SMART. WHAAAT WILL HAPPEN NOW.my poor poor babies will get into alot of contoversy. :( i hope the plan doesn't blow over. Also, you said the wink Ronan gave does not involve Fred. And now we know it does not involve the fake date as well? So what does it involve? Dont tell me albus likes her? Omg so many secrets i love it but im too curious you must update!!! I cant stay put on what happens next. I love ittt! Much love! Xoxo

Author's Response: WAS IS GABBY?! I DON'T KNOW! I was almost evil enough to not tell you anything but since you're so sweet, I'll tell you... No, it wasn't Gabby. She wouldn't do that to Aaliyah... even in a moment of weakness, though it would have been really easy for her to cave. And you have no idea how happy I am that you remembered that the girl was blonde!

Should Aaliyah and Albus have kissed? Hmm, that's up for debate. I'm kidding, I'm really just stalling it and them not kissing was a perfect opportunity for Ronan to find out so... yeah, I basically put them in a tough situation. Opps?

Ronan is too smart! That or maybe she manages to be in the right place at the right time a lot? Probably both. And Aaliyah and Albus will have to deal with her soon.

Ah, the wink is back... I feel like I should steer you away from it since you're so smart that you'll probably figure it out but... it's going to come out in two chapters so the wait won't be too long.

I love secrets, maybe that's why there are so many. I'll try to update soon, sometime this month, so don't worry! And thank you so much for the review! Really, I always enjoy hearing from you!

~Sama


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Review #48, by asdfghjkl Albus: The Game

31st July 2015:
Okay so I can was kinda wondering that whole scene if someone would be watching them but then when she figured out they didn't kiss at the end...omg that Can only have insanely interesting consequences. My stomach actually turned over a bit with worry! This could either push them farther from admitting their feelings to eachother or closer and either way I'm sure it'll make for interesting scenes and dialogue in the future! Update soon please, I can hardly stand to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Ah, you're too smart for me! Already figuring that someone may have been watching them. The scene was just too perfect... them playing an innocent game of Quidditch... I just had to ruin it haha.

Even I'm worried about where I'll take this. I mean Ronan has already basically found out their secret. I can't promise that things won't get messy but it'll be interesting.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review! You guys really make my day! And the next chapter should be up sometime this month. :D

~Sama


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Review #49, by alicia and anne Aaliyah: The Meeting

29th July 2015:
The paintings are such gossips! But I bet that I would be if I was a painting as well and all I did was hang around in the corridors I would gossip as well haha. :D

I like how she's close with James, but Albus is a quiet enigma. :( I really enjoy the idea of Albus being perceived as withdrawn and distant with people. I really love it.

Oh no! Who is this person walking towards the room? Is it bad that I'm a little scared of them? I wonder why Albus keeps staring at her? Does he fancy her?

Oh I would so hide from her as well. I would worry about her finding out gossip and spreading it around the school.

Oooo I really like the idea of them being the new power couple that's going to be in a fake relationship like James and Gabby. Did you say why they faked it? I can't remember haha.

Anyways this is an awesome first chapter and I'm so intrigued by it all and I can't wait to find out more.

Author's Response: The paintings are really chatty! I could always see them gossiping for some reason since there are so many of them around the school and in a perfect position to gain knowledge on the students.

My favorite Albus is Slytherin Albus so I couldn't help but make him be distant and cold. I'm glad you like his characterization!

No, you should be scared. Terrified, really. I'm just pulling your leg but the person coming toward the room isn't the most likable. And Albus doesn't fancy Aaliyah... not yet anyway. ;) He just likes making people uncomfortable which he succeeded in doing with her. Also, he's curious about her.

Yes, I did mention why they faked it but it's easy to miss. They sort of did it to protect the others, distract Ronan from their friends' lives and maker her focus on their (fake) relationship. Their reasons are clarified in later chapters.

I'm so happy to hear that you find the first chapter interesting! And thank you so much Tammi for taking the time to read and review this! I had a great time reading your thoughts! *hugs*

~Sama


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Review #50, by merlins beard Aaliyah: The Meeting

27th July 2015:
Hey there,
I'm FINALLY here with the review I promised about three weeks ago. I'm really sorry it took so long.

This is a very promising start to what will be an exciting story. I really like how you described your characters in so much detail, especially focusing on their imperfections, on making them not likeable at first. I really think it makes them much more believeable and is a really nice contrast to all the perefect potter children in many other fics.

I can see that Albus' plan may include a little more than he reveals right here, and I also think that it might just work. Faking a relationship is probably not as easy as you make it sound with James and Gabbie, (that may be why they're breaking up) and I find that this shouldn't be necessary for the protection from gossip. Something is going wrong here and I wonder why McGonagall doesn't put a stop to it. I'm really interested in what the next chapter brings.

I have one slight CC, but it's mostly personal preference. I think your chapters are fairly long, and the story may profit from splitting the longer ones into two. I find it hard to hold my attention for an extended period of time when reading on a screen, that's why I like chapters to be between 2000 and 3500 words,but that's only me. Just thought I'd mention it anyway.

I think I'll enjoy reading more of this,so I'll put it on my reading list for now - sadly, it has to wait a while because work is keeping me so busy.

Thanks for a fantastic read -I love how I find good stories by offering reviews.

~Anja xxx

Author's Response: Hello, Anja!

I think the summary sort of gives off that I like to focus on the imperfections of the characters haha. I find it more fun to make the characters unlikable and then slowly show all their other sides and watch as readers grow to like them. I did that with Albus since he's sort of a jerk in the beginning. I can't imagine the Potter children as perfect. I can see them having a rough time finding a separate identity from their parents... makes for some good angst.

Albus's plan does include more. He's a sneaky snake, no denying it. It wasn't easy for James and Gabby but the two of them hide it well. And their is a plot behind why they thought it was necessary... it comes out later in the story. I'm really glad you thought this chapter was interesting.

My chapters are fairly long, aren't they? I actually planned it like that. The story is fairly long and if I keep splitting it, for me it would be too many chapters, that and I try to keep the pov switches in mind. I can see why it's hard to focus for that long and for that I'm sorry. But rest assured I would never make a chapter 9,000+ words, I would definitely split it then. Thank you for suggesting it though! I'll keep that in mind for future chapters.

Ah, it's great that you like it enough to add the story to your reading list! Thank you for taking the time to read and review! I really appreciate it and had a great time reading your thoughts on this!

~Sama


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