60 Reviews Found

Review #26, by APerkins Chapter II

23rd October 2013:
Awww ... Be warned, I'm on my phone again. .. puter issues. But I'll try n re read before I send!
What a nice lovely solution to the problem.
I'm still not a fan of Rowenas. Her solution is to fix the educating of kids. . But that will ... as godric said it doesn't solve the main problem. Presumably that's where the statute of secrecy will come in later.

I feel like we have missed a little bit. Rowena asked if godric teaching them had helped. .
But we don't know what it helped? I mean muffle can now produce a caterpillar but it has not helped the issue of anti wizard sentiment anywhere.

Still I can see how it's a terrier and the seed of an idea to start a school.
:) I feel like this story we have got straight into and the plot line takes off right from the beginning.
You know me, the more conflict the better. And it doesn't get any more complex than muggles hating wizards.
Yay!
As always your strongest point is your dialogue. And in this story you've woven in description so naturally it just flows. Action, description, dialogue, you are writing really well! Love it! :)

Author's Response: Well, you might not like Rowena, but without her, Hogwarts may not have existed at all! :p

She was asking if it helped the children feel less guilty about doing magic and having magical abilities. Maybe I didn't make that clear enough in the chapter, I'll go back and have a look at that.

yeah, this story does start out better with conflict/action from the beginning. I started this after I finished writing TBAH, so I'd figured out how to actually plan out a plot by that point, lol.

I'm so glad you like the dialogue! Sometimes I worry it's not archaic enough so it's really great to hear that it's strong. Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #27, by APerkins Chapter I

21st October 2013:
Oh this is great! I love the way you have set this up! I really really hope there are no glaring historical errors. History comes to life in fiction and a well researched story is so educational! I blush to confess I feel like I'm in familiar territory in some eras purely because others have written it so well in the books I read. This is great. I actually think it's even better than your brave at heart which. . as you know. .. im s big fan of!

I read this and was so glad helga was married she should be- one of the spring hats sings made me just assume she was, rosy Apple cheeks, baking pastry, smiling a lot. .
AnyWay.

Interesting thought on the Broom creation! I had assumed they'd been around forever :)

I have to admit I already have favourite characters. Rowena.. Well don't tell et, but she isn't one of them! Lol I dint think she and I would be friends in real life.

Now salazar on the other hand. . Laughing, friendly, determined. I love how he has come across!
Of course helga too, but also redwald! I thunk id hate him in r l but I love how u depicted him and will love hating him :)

Author's Response: Hi there! Wow, thanks! I am so glad you're enjoying this. I hope there are no historical errors either, haha! I did do a fair bit of research on medieval England and Scotland when I was planning out the story, so I hope there's nothing off about it that I missed. But yes, I love reading history in fiction too, so I know what you mean.

People tended to get married very early at that time so I figured it only made sense if two of the founders were already married. I'm glad you liked the portrayal of Salazar so much! I really think that in the beginning at least, he was a good guy. He had to be, in order to be friends with Gryffindor, which we know from canon. I'm glad you liked Helga as well! Haha, Lord Redwald doesn't show up much after this, as the POV rotates in later chapters, but I'm glad you love to hate him :D

Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed the bit about brooms too! According to the Quidditch Through the Ages book, there was a lot of broom developments around that time so the flying broomstick makes a few appearances throughout the story :p

Thank you so much for this review! It really made my day. I think I say that to you all the time, but it's true every time! ♥


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Review #28, by rozen_maiden Chapter I

20th October 2013:
Review tag!
I've never read a founders story before, so I was pretty excited to read this - and I wasn't disappointed either! I love Rowena. I can already tell that she is a strong, beautiful and (of course) wise woman. I think you've really set her up to be something beyond what she sees herself just in this first chapter - the fact that she does not care for suitors, and has her eyes on one man really opened up her story. It's almost sad, actually. I do like that her mother, though persistent, respects her wishes though.

And Helga is just very sweet! Quiet like how I pictured her :)

Founders era and time-pieces are hard to write, but i think you have an excellent opening here and a great start to this story. I should probably get back to my assignments, but once i have some spare time, I'll definitely come back to finish this story!
Mahalia

Author's Response: Hi! Well thank you, I'm honoured to be your introduction to Founders stories, haha. And I'm so glad you liked it - it's wonderful to hear that you liked the portrayal of Rowena and her story so far. I appreciate your comment about her mother, too - I intended her to be a lot like Rowena in that way - she thinks she is right, but knows when to stop arguing! :)

Thank you so much, I'm really glad you like the opening to the story and that you're hoping to continue reading. Best of luck with your assignments and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! ♥


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Review #29, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter VI

19th October 2013:
I have to say, beginning the enrollment at nine is spot on for the time. It seems as though many age-related stipulations were much lower many years ago than they are present day.

Ah, lovely, the founder's children!

I know I should trust the narrator, but I sense a serious plot twist brewing! Something is going to happen with Salazar, isn't it? The anticipation is killing me!

Right, now that that has been said...

I love that Edith and Rhys are troublemakers! Every good story needs one or two mischievous members to stir up the pot a bit! This chapter is a perfect introduction to these character!

Creaothceann is a genius idea, by the way. I'm guessing it may just be the very crude and primitive beginnings of Quiddich?

I can't believe I have to wait to read more! I suppose I'm selfish like that :). At any rate, I will be waiting!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Oh, good! That's wonderful to hear that it seems to fit with the time.

That's the thing with four narrators... they don't all agree, or see the same things ;) You'll get Salazar's POV again in the next chapter, though!

Haha, I'm glad you like Edith and Rhys! All the kids are troublemakers really - I think with a bunch of young kids whose parents are the founders of the school, they'd think they can get away with a lot!

Creaothceann is pretty ridiculous, right? I didn't actually come up with that myself - it's mentioned in JKR's book Quidditch Through the Ages! (So yes, I think it's one of the precursors to Quidditch)

Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! To be honest, I hadn't thought about this story for a while (these chapters had been written for months) but I've reached the end of my finished chapters so now I'm inspired again, and I'm going to start working on the new chapter ASAP! :)


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Review #30, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter V

19th October 2013:
That's right, Godric Gryffindor's wife battles vikings! I love that particular dynamic, by the way. I quite enjoyed the scene where they were testing the sorting hat and Lucinda was sorted into Slytherin. This, of course, had to be closely followed up by Godric's quick bout with that hat. It was all too funny.

You are going to break my heart with poor Salazar, you do know that? I can feel it coming! I am glad that you gave him somebody to love, although I have the feeling it wont do anything to stopper the war inside him, will it? His quiet remarks are going to lead to nothing good, but it seems that Rowena is of great help in keeping him at bay, for now.

Speaking of, I do hope Rowena will find happiness. I suppose not all stories can have happy ending though, can they? I'm such a hopeless romantic.

Well, there's no time to dwell. There is more to be read!!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Of course she does :D You know that Godric Gryffindor's wife could be nothing less than awesome. I'm really glad you like that dynamic! Haha, the sorting hat scene was not originally planned - I was trying to not write really goofy scenes in this story but that one just wrote itself and I left it in. I'm glad it didn't seem too out of place!

You are very perceptive ;) And that's all I'm going to say on that topic. More to come in the following chapters!

As for happy endings... well, we all know where the Founders' story ends up. :-/ I guess this story is more about the journey than the destination, since the destination is already known (if that makes sense!) Nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic though :)


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Review #31, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter IV

19th October 2013:
Awe! Even a little love story woven in! An author after my own heart, truly. I loved Salazar and Maeve at the beginning, especially since she was a muggle. I knew it held that beautifully tragic potential. So when the hammer fell, I was (almost) expecting it. The blow came in pretty hard though. Oh, poor Salazar! He's so misunderstood with his speaking to snakes and such. And that *taking a deep breath* bad person went and got married! She's ruined him! I must get off this topic before I become too excited and start ranting :). But thank you for creating a character whom I will eternally hate! Salazar should feed her to his basilisk...

Right, moving on.

Have I mentioned before how much I love that you are showing the development of the Hogwarts schooling structure. I I have, I hope that there is no harm in reiterating. Which bring me to the birth of Defense Against the Dark Arts, brilliant Salazar! I enjoyed that you used his character in the idea of its creation with his well-rounded argument of "Knowing the Dark Arts helps with Defense against it." Silly other founders with their disagreeing and whatnot!

Right then...off to the next chapter!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again! ♥ I'm glad you like the little side plot of Salazar and Maeve. "Beautifully tragic potential" - that's a great way to phrase it, I like that! Poor Salazar indeed. Slytherin never struck me as the type to forgive easily (or at all, I suppose) so yeah, Maeve didn't leave him in a good place. :( Haha, feel free to eternally hate her!

Thank you so much - I'm really glad you are enjoying the journey of the development of Hogwarts. I figured it had to have changed a bit over 1000 years, so it functioned a bit less smoothly then, haha. And yes, I think Salazar would have had sound reasons for teaching the Dark Arts - his friendship with Godric would make no sense if he were super into Dark magic just for the fun of it!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! You are the best! ♡


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Review #32, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter III

18th October 2013:
Okay, so I couldn't help myself. I had to read just one more chapter tonight.

Helga's right, that name would have been much too long! This was an interesting little segment on how they came up with the name of the school and how they decided to set it up.

I never thought I would read about the construction of Hogwarts! I may a bit too enthralled because I ended up having to read it twice :). Ah this was so much fun! The beginning of everything! Even the first students arriving (one on a dragon to boot) and the first attempt at proper sorting...the first classes!! I am very sorry, I become excited far too easily.

...and then I read your author's note at the bottom about the chapter not being exciting and laughed at myself like the fool I am :)!

I think this era is gaining much more interest with me now than it ever has. I am so glad I began reading this! Unfortunately, I have to pause for the time being or else I am going to be late for work!

I can't wait to read more!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: You are too sweet! Hehe, I'm glad you're so excited about reading it though! :D

I'm really glad you liked the construction segment! It's funny that you mentioned that - I didn't know if anyone would find the paragraphs about stonework interesting, so thank you! I'm so happy to hear you thought it was fun, what with the dragon and everything haha... I've never built a castle in two years and then tried to teach classes in it, but if I did, I imagine it wouldn't go according to plan or work smoothly at first. :p

I'm thrilled you're finding the Founders era interesting as well! Your reviews have been so much fun to read so far - thank you! Hope you made it to work on time ;)


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Review #33, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter II

18th October 2013:
You are pegging the founders phenomenally. Rowen always being right and Godric not being able to help himself by standing up for those he cares about of course are probably key value characteristics of the two, given the Houses that they will eventually establish.

I am very happy to see that you are developing these characters somewhat indirectly through interactions and actions. It makes for a much more interesting story. This obviously is the perfect set up for me to tell you that this is so beautifully written! If I were to be browsing a bookshop and ended up flipping through this as a book (given that I would have no idea about the Harry Potter series else it would have been snatched sans peaking) I would probably end up buying it. Your particular writing style appeals to me so much, I am pretty sure it's my favorite of all fan fiction writers so far (DON'T TELL THEM I SAID THAT!!).

I just want to add that the part where Godric was teaching the children about magic was so sweet! I think that he may have stolen my heart a little bit!

I am excited to read the next chapter very soon!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Eee! This might be my favourite review I've ever gotten, it totally made my day - although your praise of my writing is going to inflate my head so much that I might float away into space! :p

I'm so glad you like my portrayal of the founders and that you think their personalities match their houses well. And yes, I think characters' actions speak louder than my words about them (if that makes sense, haha) so it's great to hear that you like the way I've developed the characters indirectly.

I really enjoyed writing that scene :) Glad you liked it!

Thank you for reading, and for such a wonderful review! ♥♥♥


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Review #34, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter I

17th October 2013:
Review tagging :)

Your style of writing reminds me of Jane Austen's specifically in her novel "Pride and Prejudice." It has its own unique twist of course and I quite like it. It definitely has the air of classical writing.

This is the first Founder's story that I have read, honestly. It is interesting to see your take on what happened.

The social structure surrounding the time is fascinating! It's so much fun. I love how Rowena's class rank does not stop her sense of adventure as she escapes the party with Salazar. The interactions between the characters are lovely as well. I especially enjoy Salazar and Godric's relationship.

I am very excited to read more, this is so intriguing!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much :) Ooh. I've never been compared to Jane Austen before, I'm honoured! (I love Pride and Prejudice!) I'm really glad you think it has an air of classical writing - one of the hardest things for me is to make it sound old enough and not too modern, so that's really wonderful to hear.

I'm so glad you like the characters as well, and the friendships between them. So happy to hear that you liked it, and I hope you enjoy the rest! :)


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Review #35, by Nasim6413 Chapter V

4th October 2013:
This chapter was awesome :D Please, please, please update the story soon because I really want to know what happens next!

The story is epicly amazingly awesomely awesome so far :D !

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad the silliness of the Sorting Hat didn't take away from the chapter, lol. And what a wonderful reminder - I actually have completed the sixth chapter but never got around to posting it! I will get on that straightaway :)

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Review #36, by Nasim6413 Chapter II

4th October 2013:
This is a really good chapter, and just like the first chapter, I found it flawless. I can't find anything that I didn't like.

Good job, and keep it up! :)

Author's Response: Eeep! What a lovely surprise review! ♥ Thank you so much, I'm really glad you're enjoying the story! By the way, welcome to HPFF! ;)

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Review #37, by 1917farmgirl Chapter I

3rd September 2013:
Heheheheh, looks like I ran out of one-shots. :)

I have read exactly two founders fics - this one, and another one I read earlier today, so I can't really say if this is an unusual take on them or not, but it seems that way to me, based on what I've always assumed about the four.

1. I was not expecting Rowena to fancy Salazar. Unless the Grey Lady is the daughter of Ravenclaw and Slytherin, I know that can't work out too well.so that was a surprise. And I liked the way you set up potential to show how Salazar could end up with his blood-purity ways, because right now this boy seems way too nice and kind to think like that.

2. Helga is married! Love it! I wasn't expecting it, but I'm so glad you included it. Too often fics of all genres are full of young adults looking for love and hanging out with their friends - but no one ever remembers that young adults can also be married already and still hang out with those friends.

3. Hope Rowena didn't ruin her dress... It sounded very pretty.

4. Her mother was very understanding of her wanting to marry for love, which surprised me. I expected her to be a bit more pushy. Wonder if she's gonna get in trouble for her ditching the party...

5. Can't wait to see where you take this to make it end up where we know it has to for the canon set up!

Oh, and btw, this review is for review tag. :)

Great fic, once again. At this rate I'm gonna run out of stuff to read.

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm going to run out of stories at the rate you're reading :p

I'm not sure what inspired that part about Rowena liking Salazar. She always seemed to me like the type for unrequited love, though :( And yes, I like to think that the four of them were friends and all nice to each other at the beginning! You'd have to get on well with each other in order to build a school together, or it would never have been built.

Thanks, I'm really glad you liked that! This story was never meant to have much of a romantic aspect as the Founders already have quite a lot of drama without it. Plus I think during those times, people married early and it wouldn't make sense for all of them to be single!

Haha, her dress wasn't ruined :p And yeah, even Rowena's very insistent mother can be understanding sometimes.

Thanks so much for reading, and I'm so happy to hear that you liked it!


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Review #38, by Kira Chapter I

1st September 2013:
This is lovely. I can't say that I've read too many Founders fics, but I've always been fascinated by their story; I've definitely always wanted to know more.

You do a really nice job of capturing mood right off the bat with your descriptions. They have a great balance as well. They aren't overwhelmingly long, but I'm never wondering about what certain things look like. It's a delicate balance, and you really hit it.

I love what you're doing with Salazar here. In the few Founders stories I've seen, he's often already kind of a "bad apple." He already seems like the bad guy. I like your take better. He should be close to them; it will make their falling out more realistic and heartbreaking. Just because he didn't hold with the ideals of the other three, it doesn't mean he was a rotten to the core type person. People are rarely that simple. So, I like that he seems to have a good nature about him; it shows that you're not scared of creating good, believable character development.

You do some great, subtle things to help us know your characters. Helga's cozy home and cooking skills, Rowena's need to think smarter than the people she's forced to be around; it's all really showing where these people came from and echos where their going in the future as far as their houses go. I'm figuring we get to know more about the men in later chapters, well, more about everybody really. And the best thing is, I want to know more.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. Lovely, lovely job.

I'm going to stick this guy on my favorites if that's alright with you! :)

Author's Response: Oh thank you! That is wonderful to hear. I worked a lot at setting the mood and descriptions in this so it's really lovely to hear that you liked them.

I'm thrilled to hear that about Salazar. I try to stick to canon as much as possible, and in canon Salazar and Godric were supposed to be such good friends. So I thought Salazar couldn't really be a "bad guy" from the start - there had to be a basis for such a long standing friendship.

I'm so glad you liked the characterisation, and that you think it matches their future Hogwarts houses. As for getting to know the other characters, the POV rotates among the four founders so you'll get to know the other three as the story goes on. :)

A favourite? :O Well thank you, I'm honoured! I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Thanks so much for your amazing and very thoughtful review! ♥ ♥


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Review #39, by Emma Chapter V

19th August 2013:
It's a very good story and represents every aspect of Hogwarts that is mentioned in the books and films very well. It' very well written and you should be pleased with it. Keep writing more amazing Fan Fictions please!!

Author's Response: Thank you! Your review is very encouraging :) I'm so glad you like the story!

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Review #40, by Erised Chapter I

2nd August 2013:
Hi there!

So, I never get to read enough Founders stories and this was an absolute treat. It's an era that definitely needs expanding on!

I think you did a truly wonderful job with this. Rowena as a a character was well developed and I could instantly bring her to mind with the details you chose to include about her. I think she reflects the Ravenclaw house very well with her wise comments and astute awareness of what's going on around her. I especially loved when she called Lord Rendwald out on his cowardice costing the King's life and bringing more raids - she is a woman who knows what she's talking about and is not to be crossed! I hope she doesn't settle for anything less than the person she loves.

And, on that topic, I loved Rowena's unrequited love for Salazar. It makes her much more relatable as a character and I really felt for her too! I hope Salazar sees her true affections soon and realises his own. It really makes me wonder what's going to happen next with them!

I thought you used description very well in this opening chapter to set the scene. I could instantly imagine the cold and starkness of the Ravenclaw castle in comparison to Helga's comfortable and modest home... perhaps similar to what the Hufflepuff common room is like! The dynamics between the four founders is very good here too and you set up a nice and believable back story for them all. I think I liked Helga the most as she seems the most welcoming and friendly of the four.

I'm a bit of a history geek so I think that's another reason why I adore Founders era - it's all castles and knights and dragons which you wrote very well! You stuck to the 10th century very well throughout this and I didn't once think anyone was too contemporary (except perhaps the exotic spices - where would they get them from?). There was something very Shakespearean about having Rowena climb down the side of the castle and into Salazar's arms!

On the whole I thought this was an excellent first chapter and I cannot help but feel intrigued as to what happens next in the story. I will hopefully find the time to review again soon! Well done! :)

Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm so glad you liked the characterisation of Rowena in this. For some reason, the idea of unrequited love seemed to fit really well with the very little we know of her character, so I just went with it!

I'm glad the rest of the Founders seemed realistic too. And yeah Hufflepuff house is known for being the one that welcomes everyone, so I figured Helga would exemplify that.

I love history too and so I try to keep this as historically accurate as possible - which is difficult for the 10th century! As for the exotic spices... Hadn't thought about that actually, but here's my explanation: their definition of "exotic" is different to what we would call that today, so the spices are just from Rome or something. :P

I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter - Thanks for such a lovely and thoughtful review! ♥


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Review #41, by lilylunapotter26 Chapter I

30th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap!

I've actually never read a Founders Era story before! I have to say that I absolutely adore it! It's like opening a whole new chapter of the Wizarding World. I have never really thought about the founders too much before this.

I love the way you've portrayed the characters. Salazar's dislike towards Muggles comes form an event that affected his childhood, so it gives him a good reason. I really like Rowena too! I hope she and Salazar can end up together! Overall I really liked the characters! You brought this people to life. Their background stories add more life to the characters, making them seem like people instead of just history! Brilliant job!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Thanks! It's so nice to hear that you like the portrayal of the characters - I think that's an important thing in a founders story because as I see it, many of their characteristics are what eventually define their Hogwarts house. Thank you so much for your lovely review! ♥

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Review #42, by LittleLionGirl Chapter IV

29th July 2013:
Wow. This is another amazing chapter marauderfan! I love how it gives Salazar some depth in his hatred for muggles. I just knew he wouldn't hate them without a a reason and adding the snake was a nice touch.
XOXOXOXO,
LLG

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the chapter, I was worried there were too many meetings lol. And Salazar - yeah, there had to be a reason for something that intense. Poor Salazar :(
Thank you SO much for your reviews, you're such a gem!


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Review #43, by LittleLionGirl Chapter III

29th July 2013:
I think this chapter was well written and essential to the story. The construction was interesting. I love how the school being to large was sort of an unplanned accident because there are less than 20 classes- and two are outside! I like how it doesn't run so smoothly- otherwise it would be unrealistic.
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: It was weird writing the construction part, because normal castle construction in those days must have taken decades, but magic makes everything much faster and easier - so I had no real basis for the amount of time, haha. And yeah, I figured when they first founded Hogwarts in the tenth century, it wouldn't be up and running the way it was in the twentieth century. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #44, by LittleLionGirl Chapter II

28th July 2013:
Wow. I like your detail. Usually people have less as they go along but you have even more! I like how the scheme for the school was just an idea out of the blue rather than an elaborate plan-very realistic of you. Keep up the good work!
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Thanks! I love it when people say they like my detail, I worked a lot on the details in this story. (Sometimes too much, I think, but I'm glad it worked! ;) ) And it's good to hear that the story is realistic. I try to keep things as real as possible (other than the obvious fact that magic itself isn't real...) Thanks again!!

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Review #45, by LittleLionGirl Chapter I

28th July 2013:
Hello CAASSAAL for the review swap. This is very well written. I like founders stories and they are rare to find. I like the relationship with Slytherin and Ravenclaw. I will be sure to read all of what you have posted!
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Aah! Wow I was not expecting to see FOUR reviews, what a wonderful surprise :) Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you like it!

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Review #46, by magnolia_magic Chapter I

26th June 2013:
Hi! I'm here from Puff review tag, and can I just say I'm so excited that you chose to join our awesome house? We're very happy to have you!

I couldn't resist choosing this story to read, since I LOVE me some Founders :) That's actually primarily what I write, so I love seeing different takes on the era. I think you're off to a very good start!

I loved getting a feel for the wizard/Muggle dynamic. Everyone's imagining of it is a little different, I've found, and I thought it was really interesting that wizards seem to openly share their powers with Muggles (though there's clearly some friction going on with that.) And to have Salazar, known Muggle-hater, fall in love with one! I have a feeling that's not going to be a very happy ending, and that there are some twists and turns ahead :)

I really like the way you've written Rowena. Her disdain for marriage (at least, to the people her parents have picked for her), seems so true to how I imagine her. She seems pretty reserved, but obviously intelligent and caring. I loved getting to know her a little better, and I look forward to delving into the other three soon!

The one nitpick I have would be dialogue. There are places where it sounds a little too modern for my taste (like when Helga says "It's kind of a bumpy ride.") I think you're doing an awesome job with Rowena's narration and with the historical details, but I think taking another look at the dialogue would add to the antiquated feel even more.

Awesome start! Like I said, I love the historical details you've added; that's something I really struggle with in my own Founders stories. And I really like what you're doing with Rowena. Keep up the awesome work!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thanks :D I'm super excited to be a Hufflepuff!

Yeah, I thought that hundreds of years before the Statute of Secrecy, magic was probably out in the open, since this was well before witch burnings. I thought there seemed to be no reason for them to hide magic yet.

And I'm so glad you like my characterization of Rowena!

Thanks for the CC, as well. A lot of people have mentioned the dialogue as an issue, and it's something I struggle with. If I put archaic "forsooth"s and "thou"s in there it seems really awkward to me and kind of disrupts the flow - I don't know if you've had issues writing dialogue in your Founders fics as well but it's really a lot tougher than I thought it would be, haha. But yes I think that line in particular is something I'll go back and fix!

Thanks so much for your review!! :)


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Review #47, by Jchrissy Chapter I

25th June 2013:
Hi there, m'dear! I wasn't sure what story you wanted me to return a review with, so I hope you don't mind me selecting this one!

I really love founders era, and this is such a fun start! Rowena as a young girl, trying to avoid marrying simply to marry, seems very fitting for what we know about her. I really liked that it wasn't that she just didn't want to marry, but she didn't want to marry unless the man truly cared for her and she could say the same about him. I think a complete aversion to marriage would have felt off, considering the decade, but the desire to wed only if it's a mutual care fit perfectly!

Aww their so cute as four friends! And I love that they wanted to rescue her. All of them just getting along and hanging out is such a sweet picture, and I was happy Rowena had the chance to escape the party.

Your grammar was great and I didn't spot any typos! I think you put yourself in an interesting situation with Salazar, and wonder if this Muggle girl will play part in why he again begins hating their kind. He installed the chamber specifically to kill them, so could a severe broken heart have played part in that?

Great start! Thanks for an awesome swap!

Jami

Author's Response: Hi Jami! I definitely don't mind at all :)

Thanks, I'm glad you think Rowena's situation seemed realistic. I agree that it would have been weird for her to not want to marry at all. I imagine she would have been pretty sensible about marriage (about all things, really!)

I enjoy writing the Founders as friends who all get on well - before everything fell apart as we know it did. As for Salazar... lips are sealed! ;)

Thanks so much for suggesting a review swap - I loved reading your story, and I loved your thoughtful review for mine!


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Review #48, by adluvshp Chapter III

24th June 2013:
Here for review tag!

Ah, another great chapter. I quite enjoyed it. Your writing is very good, and I love your descriptions. Your characterisation of Helga was spot-on, and I liked the events that are unfolding. The interactions between the Founders were interesting. All the contemplation and discussion was quite realistic.

All in all, great job. Please keep writing!

9/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you find it interesting. (I was worried it was too much about meetings and construction - so that is good to hear!) Thanks for your review!

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Review #49, by LilyEPotter Chapter II

23rd June 2013:
Hi! I'm here from the review tag!

I think you've underscored the tenuous relationship that wizards and Muggles had at that time very well - how the Muggles wanted the wizards' help until there was an accident and then wanted nothing to do with magic.

One thing I saw would be the length of time for school. I would suspect that in that era, they would remain at school year-round and be more like apprentices.

The story flow was great and easy to read. The grammar and spelling were good.

A very good chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, I think "tenuous" is a perfect way to describe early medieval wizard/muggle relations. They were all living together, but certainly not in harmony all the time.

As for the length of time for school - at the end of that chapter the school hasn't even been built yet, so I'm not quite sure how that came up. Anyway, I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying that the school year is discussed in a later chapter, and it's a short school year because during that time period, the year was really governed by agriculture, so the students all leave in the spring to go work on their family's farms back home. But that won't really come up for another couple of chapters!

Thanks for your review!


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Review #50, by Cassius Alcinder Chapter II

22nd June 2013:
Review tag!

I enjoyed your portrayal of Godric and they way he seems to fit in with the traditional traits you would associate with Gryffindor. He's definitely brave and also noble. It was also very interesting to see the dynamics of wizard/muggle relations before the statute of secrecy was in place. As one might imagine, some wizards were probably able to adjust to living with muggles better than others, and that was explored pretty well here.

My only slight critique of this chapter is that the dialogue tends to seem a bit modern. But on the other hand, it can be pretty difficult to write medieval dialogue and I don't think anybody expects you to write in Old English or anything.

The battle scene was well executed, and it also demonstrated how easily a dangerous misunderstanding can occur when there is magic involved.

Author's Response: Thank you! I couldn't imagine wizard and muggle relations were always easy, even when wizards lived among muggles before the Statute of Secrecy, and there had to be some impetus to form a school of magic away from Muggles at that time.

You're the third person who's mentioned the dialogue, so I'll definitely go back and edit. It's a tough balance though - if I make it too medieval sounding, they all seem really pompous and the dialogue seems forced. (They got away with modern dialogue in the movie A Knight's Tale, but I don't think I can, haha!)

Thanks so much for your review!


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