Reading Reviews for The Brave at Heart
  
189 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Veritaserum27 Beginnings

22nd May 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for the review swap!

Wow. There was a lot of back story in this chapter. I understand that it was necessary to build the characters and the plot. Melanie obviously comes from a biased pure blood family. Her overuse of the term "Mudblood" proves that. I noticed that she didn't use it in the second part of the chapter when she was in fifth year. Perhaps she has grown.

I liked the fact that you chose to write a story from the point of view of a Slytherin during the marauders time period. Your portrayal of James and Sirius is pretty accurate and it makes your main characters more sympathetic to know that James and Sirius were frequently the instigators of the pranks upon the Slytherins - not the other way around.

I think you are building to a nice conflict in this story. We know a war is brewing and, although it seems that Melanie doesn't want to take sides, she soon will have to decide.

Thanks for doing the review swap!

~Beth

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for your review!

Yeah, there is a lot of back story in this chapter, I hope it wasn't too much! :S Melanie's family is indeed a little biased, though they're not purebloods... there's more about them later on.

Thank you, I'm glad the premise is interesting! Haha, I don't know if James and Sirius are *always* the instigators.. Melanie is not necessarily an objective narrator :p

it's certainly a difficult time to be growing up in, with war going on. And yes, she thinks she'll have no part in it, but as you said, she can't stay on the fence forever.

Thank you so much for the swap!!


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Review #27, by toomanycurls The End of the Beginning

22nd May 2014:
THIS REIVEW MIGHT BE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER AND THERE'S ONLY A FEW MORE CHAPTERS AND I KNOW I VALIDATED SOME OF YOUR EDITS BUT I WASN'T READING IT READING IT. SO. I'M EXCITED.

okay, I'll try not to shout the whole time.

Sirius' joke about being a back-up singer is quite hilarious with the Quibbler article that comes out about him later on.

:-o I am excited for Melanie to be part of the Order!!! Aw, Sirius is so protective. They could be snogging during his confession of love and not wanting to lose her (FYI).

SNOGGING!!! WHOOO!! I literally cheered.

Oh come on, Mandy, it's not an invitation to die. Just... not a very long life expectancy.

Of course Sirius thinks he can just stroll into the Ministry and sign up to be an auror. *sigh*

THEY SHOULD LIVE TOGETHER AND YOU SHOULD WRITE A NOVEL ABOUT THAT WITH A LOT OF SNOGGING.

Ugh, I'm disappointed in Mandy for not joining the Order.

why did you have to end on such an optimistic, ironic note??!! I'll be back soon.

grr

-Rose

Author's Response: HI THAT'S OKAY I LOVE ALL CAPS REVIEWS.

oh wow you know I wasn't even thinking of the Quibbler article when I wrote that bit! (Or at least I don't think I was... don't remember anymore.) Haha I'm glad you enjoyed that though.

Sirius is protective of her but I think only within reason because Melanie is pretty independent and stubborn, and he knows that haha. And yes, you guessed right - yay for snogging! :p haha that would not actually be that interesting of a novel, you know :p

Yep Mandy opted out.. honestly I think that wouldn't have been too uncommon, like once she finds out what she's getting into, it's a bit too much. Plus I didn't think I could get away with adding that many additional people to the Order when they weren't in that picture Harry gets of the 70s Order in the OotP book. One person's absence from the picture can be explained away, but not too many more.

Gah I know I'm terrible, I'm sorry :p Thank you so much for your review!!


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Review #28, by ladyrae II. In the End

21st May 2014:
Beautiful ending. That's all I have to say.

Author's Response: Awww! Thank you so much! ♥♥ Your reviews on this have been so wonderful and thanks for sticking with this story to the end! ♥

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Review #29, by Niharika I. Epilogue: Sixteen years later

8th May 2014:
Woah, that was a slightly weird ending. But I guess that's the only kind of ending you could have without changing J.K's story. It's kinda bittersweet that she married the other guy.

Thanks for the story! It's been a pleasure reading it and I hope you write some more :)

Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much for your review! Yeah, there could never really be a happily ever after :( There is still one more chapter actually, since this isn't really a proper ending haha, and I'll be posting that within a couple of days. Thanks again for reading/reviewing! ♥

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Review #30, by Rumpelstiltskin Communication Breakdown

7th May 2014:
Okay, okay, just one more (I can't help myself) :D.

Aw...look who's getting along!! Who doesn't like chocolate? Only Sirius. What would Remus say? ;)
And what are summers for if not foolish adventures? Actually, their summer sounds like a blast! Monopoly always sounds like a good idea until two hours later when the game never seems to end and somebody flips the board. And everything is lovely for the moment.

Aw, I love Sirius/serious jokes :D.

Not only does Mel have a chance to make the Quiddich team for her seventh year, but riding on a motorbike with Sirius calls for extreme closeness! Hooray for closeness!...especially closeness that leads to accidental face-brushing :D.

Oh, look now, he's following her around like a puppy. An almost-kiss...they're the best because there's no actual victory...but there ALMOST is! Uh-oh...Mandy DID take it roughly...even though there wasn't exactly an "it".

Oh, but now he's sorry for the almost-kiss! Of all of the things to be sorry for...

I'm really glad that she made up with Mandy -- a girl needs her friends, always ♥.

Okay, now I should probably go to work...though the next chapter is much more tempting than work!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Aw! I'm so flattered that you can't help yourself from keeping on reading :)

Well, there's more chocolate for Remus that way. I know, crazy isn't he? Of course, chocolate is no good for dogs! :P I think I've only ever finished a game of Monopoly once in my life because I can't pay attention for that long. "Accidental" board flipping... guilty as charged.

Sirius/serious jokes never get old. Even after I've seen them 23873298798 times. Siriusly.

Hooray for closeness indeed! After like 20 chapters of them bickering and almost-flirting with each other, it was about time for some actual fluffy scene :D And an almost-kiss :P

Yes, friends come first, always!

Thank you so much for your amazing reviewing spree, I'm so flattered ♥ Hope work was fun :)


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Review #31, by Rumpelstiltskin Why So Sirius

7th May 2014:
Mandy's parents could still be alright, and that's fantastic...though I can't say the same thing about her poor dog :(.

At least the Leaky may buy them some time to figure out where they're going to live for the rest of the summer. My first thought was, oh, why don't they just go over to Charlotte's? I was of course overlooking the fact that Charlotte's family is made up of Death Eaters. That wouldn't work out so well.

Hooray! Mandy's parents are most probably alive ^.^. Poor Charlotte's in a bit of a tough position, though. Maybe she should just stay at the Leaky with the other two girl. And yay for Apparating-test-passing and letter's from Mandy's parents! Also, at least Mel's mother is attempting to be motherly. She clearly loves her daughter, but everything is super screwball right now!

(I love pumpkin-flavored ice cream...yum.)

Baha, Mandy's remark of "look who I found" made me laugh (you know, because Mel had already run into James and Sirius and the fact that they didn't need finding...-_- I think I'm tired...don't mind me).

Of course! They'll just go and stay in the land of misfit children (aka, the Potter's house) ^.^. That's where I would go if I was in their predicament.

Sirius and his motorbike :)... if not for James, I'd say that the motorbike was his best friend!

I'm so happy that Sirius and Mel are getting along! *Squee* There sordid family history is good for something ,right? :D

-Rumpel

Author's Response: I know the dog had been mentioned approximately 1 time before this but ahhggh it made me so sad to do that :(

Mmm yeah Charlotte's family might not be too cool with that. Especially because Melanie would probably scream at them and stuff. Charlotte is in a tough position too.

(I know, it's so good! Yum)

Haha, yes she found people that didn't need finding, whom she wasn't even trying to find in the first place! (haha.. I think I'm tired too.)

The motorbike HAD to make an appearance ;D

Yay for shared horrible experiences! At least they can actually relate to each other now. Man, that was a long time coming.

Thank you for your review!!


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Review #32, by Rumpelstiltskin Over the Edge

7th May 2014:
When I came home from college, my mother was always almost too entirely excited to see me. That being said, when Mel comes home from Hogwarts, and her parents lecture her on making friends with muggle-borns and the like, it's a bit concerning. Obviously in these times, there are extreme ideas that are being carried...but...it's no wonder why she believes that her family is associated with death eaters! Furthermore, her father really had to use a killing curse to kill a fly!? I'm almost determined that they are on team Voldemort now!

I'm glad to see that Nathan is apparently the same as always :D. That's a wonderful thing, to have a great sibling relationship. Three positions? Whoo, that must have been a workout! ^.^. Her father really hates all things associated with Muggles, doesn't he? It's not very nice to tear up somebody's garden! -_- No fresh tomatoes for him!!

Oh yeah, I forgot Nathan hangs out with Lucius...with his hair that is to be envied ;). My suspicions of his death eater..ness has been reignited.

Aw, see? Muggle things aren't so bad! In fact, going to see Star Wars in the theatre sounds like a blast!

It's much harder to stand up against your family than it is to stand up against a bully. I mean, Sirius does it...but he's Sirius. OH! A commonality! I spotted it (I should have spotted it sooner). That will give them something in common to...probably not really talk about -_-, haha.

Aha! I see nobody in that family hold a strife against cornflakes and they hold no magical properties! Hypocrites. ^.^

Oh boy, he IS a Death Eater. This is not going to end well. I wonder if saying Voldemort's name three times will have similar effects as Beetlejuice *looks around frantically* phew, thank goodness.

O.O Things are super intense! Mel basically gets thrown out of her house because she refuses to associate herself with Voldemort. THEN Mandy shows, splinched, after a Death Eater attack! Holy crows. She's right...everything is gone...

Now what?, exactly!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Things aren't really spectacular for her family at the moment, no :( There are probably much safer ways to kill flies. Or even like, trap them in a jar and then release them outside. This is one occasion where I prefer the Muggle way of doing things!

Fresh tomatoes are so good. Melanie's dad has no idea what he's missing.

I really liked writing Nathan. He's a good person with bad taste in friends and he makes bad choices... it's a tough life :-/

I know, I'd totally want to see Star Wars in the theatre!

Yep, a commonality :O though at this point Mel has no idea :P And yeah ultimately not one of her better days- for her or Mandy.

Thanks for your review!!


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Review #33, by Rumpelstiltskin Finals and Farewells

7th May 2014:
Er...frosted count chocula? ^.^ I doubt it has anything to do with cereal...I think I'm just hungry.

I'm not certain that replicating any of James Potter's stunts is such a great idea...but...whatever floats her boat ^.^. Baha, at least they're having fun, and nobody is seriously injured. Though, speculating on the "seriousness" of the injury at at a magical school where they can grow bones and all of that fun stuff is a tough judgement.

Why is Luke such a ridiculously nice guy? I want to be like, pfft, he's such a bad person, I can't see why she ever dated him in the first place! But, I can't say that, because he's fairly terrific (and has been much nicer than Sirius at this point). It does seem, though, that both Mel and Luke are happy this way, so I won't wallow in it ;).

Poor Mel's cram study session was interrupted. She's right, having the assumption that Sirius likes her does make small gestures like putting his arm around her shoulders seem different :D.

Bahaha, all Divinitation professors love when students claim that they can see their own deaths, don't they? ;) ...I'd have so much fun as a Divinitations teacher...*evil laughter*

O.o Sorry, onwards.

Oh the hat, bahaha. Does she really believe that she can dissuade male attention by a hat? Hats can be taken off. She'll probably have to try a little harder than that!

Vanessa...somebody needs to punch HER in the head as well... (apparently I'm overly violent today...going around punching people). Baha, apparently, Mandy is also in a punching mood!

Summer :).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Lol, every time I get a review on this chapter I've forgotten that I put a joke in there. It's FROSTBITE! :D (And ps, I'm hungry too and it doesn't help that the ice cream truck keeps driving through my neighborhood and I can hear it even from far away. Gah.)

No, probably not a good idea, but if she can outshine him at his own trick, then it's a good idea, right? Too bad she can't. :p

I think you're the first person to mention that you like Luke. He is nice! (Too nice.)

That's a pretty nice way to be interrupted from your study session, as far as interruptions go. Can't say I'd mind it, but I guess she disagrees :p

Once upon a time there was probably a good Divination professor. But I imagine they're few and far between! So yes another really crazy one! :D

It was a really ugly hat, in her defense. But yeah ineffective.

Feel free to punch Vanessa because no one else did in this chapter.

Thanks again for your wonderful review(s)!!!


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Review #34, by Rumpelstiltskin Unintended

7th May 2014:
I wonder how mad Mandy will be if/when Mel begins dating Sirius... she could be okay with it...but she HAS been in love with the dude for a very long time. (TENSION!) Bum, bum, bum. Though her interest in Francis certainly points towards giving up on Sirius...so, who knows!?

Aww, they made up ♥ ! I was almost convinced that Sirius wasn't going to man-up and apologize, but he did...good on him ^.^. Of course, Sirius' method of apologizing happened to be hexing somebody and then acting as if Mel should be grateful towards him...but...it's still a win!

Everybody's always against the Slytherins...-_- I guess the house DOES have a bad reputation...but, hey, Rumpel's a snake ^.^. Get it together, Hogwarts.

Heheh, Mel's not going to pick on Lily about James without getting some teasing back about Sirius ^.^.

Oh yes, do ask her out!! I know they're talking about Mel via my sixth sense! Ask her out...do it! ...

Do it.

*Cough* (You never expect normal reviews from me, right? Okay, good.)

What are best friends for, if not to be nosy. That's how they figure out everything that's wrong so that they can fix it with their friendship skills ^.^.

Phew, things could have been awkward there, but it seems friendship wins (for now, anyhow)!

Whoo, two chapters down...I think I'm making some progress today :D.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hmm, yes there could potentially be some tension there. Well, she does like Francis, but she also kind of just likes everyone ever.

Yeah, I don't think Sirius is super good at apologizing :p I mean, it was something. He tried. Kind of. :p

Poor Slytherins :( I'm not against the Slytherins! Wait, this was the game against the Puffs, wasn't it? Ok never mind, I'm against Slytherin >:D hehehe.

I love that you talk to my characters. It makes me happy to know that it's not just me who does that. Normal? Pfft what's that?

Yay for friendship!

Aaaa and I have even more wonderful reviews to respond to from you. You are amazing my dear! ♥


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Review #35, by Rumpelstiltskin In the Dark

7th May 2014:
I am so behind on this -_-.

Ooops! She was caught! (I hate it when that happens ^.^!) Sirius is right though, it does seem like a waste of pie. He's awfully full of himself, isn't he? He'd definitely wind me up too, and I kind of want to punch him in the head for good measure...BUT he's Sirius, and his annoying disposition is adorable (to a certain extent).

...until he says things like THAT! Holy crows, *I* wish that she was holding the pie, too, because he sooo deserves to be hit by airborne pie.

Oh dear lord...it's Vanessa. Poor Mel can't catch a break today, can she? Maybe she just needs to go back to bed and try again tomorrow (that's my philosophy).

At least Hagrid is pleasant ^.^.

Sirius is annoying, but I think there's a little more it than just that. ;)

Thank goodness for Lily, sweeping in at the last moment, to save her from severe awkwardness. Sirius may have some problems, but there's no need to be rude...silly boy. Lily loves James already, even if she doesn't admit it!

"We tried to tell you but you probably couldn’t hear us, since your head was a watermelon…” -- bahaha, even if it was an accident, I don't think I'd be very appreciative of somebody turning my head into a watermelon.

The impending war certainly acts as a dark shadow. I don't know what I would do if my father and brother were death eaters. I mean, how COULD you feel if your family is aligning themselves with murderers? Hopefully, Mel's suspicions about her own family isn't correct, though I expect that they might be!

I'll just have to keep reading to find out!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: RUMPEL ASFLHDSLFNA ♥ ♥ ♡ ♫ YOU ARE AMAZING. All your reviews just completely made my day!

(speaking of being far behind, I really need to catch up on Everto! Eeep!)

Yeah, it was a good idea for a prank but I think I'd be sad about the poor pie all over the floor. I mean, what if it was blackberry or something? Too delicious to waste.

Hagrid is always pleasant. At least when he's not trying to teach you about Blast-Ended Skrewts or something, but those thankfully don't exist yet.

You think there's more to it? Hm... whatever would make you say that? ;)

Haha, I don't know if Lily is quite there yet, but she certainly doesn't hate him as much as she says she does!

nope, probably not the best first impression they gave...

You suspected the DE stuff way in advance, didn't you. You're a Seer. Either that or I'm pretty much rubbish at surprising revelations in this story :P

♥♥♥


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Review #36, by MaddieMoody I. Epilogue: Sixteen years later

3rd May 2014:
Oh.My.God.
I can't believe I haven't seen this story till now. It's amazing!!!
I started it yesterday and I'm already done( I stayed up all night).
Unlike a lot of the other fan fics yours seems so much more real. And your attention to detail is amazing! And you've made up the story so that it makes sense in reference to the books.
When I reached the part where Charlotte died I actually cried quite a bit.
You built up the whole story so well. There is one more part to the epilogue right???
Just one question...is the ending going to be happy or sad?(we all know Sirius dies in the end but still)
Anyways...I absolutely love this story.
Please update soon.
xoxo

Author's Response: Eeee! Thank you so much!! This review totally made my day. :D

I'm glad you liked the amount of detail, and the appearance of canon stuff in the story. And that is so wonderful to hear that the story feels realistic!

aw, I'm sorry about that part with Charlotte. But at the same time it means a lot to me that the writing touched you that much. *hands over a tissue. (And coffee, which you might need if you stayed up all night :P) *

There is indeed one more chapter! As for happy or sad... hmm... I'm not telling, you'll find out in a week or so when I post it ;)

Thank you SO much for reading, and for your lovely review!! It means so much to me! ♥


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Review #37, by CambAngst Counterstroke

2nd May 2014:
Hi, there! Tagging you from Review Tag!

A most interesting turn of events... It seems that both Melanie and Remus are catching a bit of flack from their respective sides for taking more than a hostile interest in one another. Gryffindors and Slytherins, why can't they just get along???

OK, well it's pretty obvious why they can't get along. James and Sirius inflating Snape's head and giving him feathers sounds like exactly the sort of juvenile prank they'd dream up. And the way Snape fights back is classic. One side deals in mockery, the other deals in blood. You've captured Snape pretty well, along with his propensity for inventing nasty curses. Also, the nastiness he directs toward Melanie when he sees her associating with Remus. I get the feeling that accepting Remus's challenge -- and his tentative offer of friendship -- will make life rather difficult for her.

"A bit more what?" I insisted. -- Honestly, I'm kind of curious where Sirius was going with that, myself. I can imagine a few choice insults, but it's interesting that he held back. I guess when the other three see Remus actually being friendly with a girl who isn't Lily, they sort of have to bite their tongues.

Sigh. Sometimes I hate being right. Especially the part about life becoming difficult for Melanie. This Elliot Jasper seems like a nasty piece of work. Definitely a Death Eater in the making there. He obviously has no problems with not fighting fair and a mean streak a mile wide.

Gah! Where are this poor girl's friends when she need them??? Hard to believe that something like this could go on without anyone stepping in.

Oh, wait, there's Lily. Good on you, Lily! Tell those nasty guys off.

I found it a little bit odd that Melanie continued to lay there for a while instead of picking herself up off the floor. It seemed to me like maybe it would be a tad bit more humiliating to keep laying there. But I suppose she has her reasons. Besides, it worked well for Sirius's sudden appearance.

Quite the banter between the two of them. He's obviously worried over whether she's alright, not that he'd admit it. She obviously appreciates the fact that he checked on her, not that she's willing to let it show. Gryffindors and Slytherins. Sheesh!

Ah, I see that she's developed a sudden following among the crowd. I have to agree with her, that was a weird day.

I still think you're pacing the story really well. We're four chapters in now and you've set up the main conflicts but you're not rushing to bring any fast resolutions to them. Interested to see where we go next!

Author's Response: Hi again! Wow, this is such a thorough and nice review, thank you!

I really wanted to explore the Gryffindor and Slytherin rivalry here - I think that overall it's not hostile, just unfriendly (hostile between certain individuals, of course, like James and Snape) So yeah, this tentative friendship makes both sides kind of scratch their heads. I'm glad you like the way I wrote each side of that skirmish there, it's so great to hear that you think they seemed in character!!

Yep, that's what was going on with Sirius. I'm sure he would have had a lot more to say if he hadn't seen that Remus and Melanie were actually on good terms.

Heh, yeah I think she was hoping to just melt into the floor and disappear. Which, despite being able to do magic and all that, was not possible. Alas. :p

I'm glad it is paced well so far! Heh, yeah there's no fast resolutions, some things take a while. Thanks for such a fab review!


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Review #38, by CambAngst Tricks and Treats, But Mostly Tricks

1st May 2014:
Hi, there! Tagging you again from Review Tag!

I'm really starting to like where you're heading with the plot of this. So far, it seems pretty balanced between your subplot of the prank war between Marauders and Anti-Marauders and the normal subplots of life, school and romance that always accompany stories set during the characters' Hogwarts years.

I loved the Black Hole Wall prank. That was genuinely clever and obviously non-discriminatory in terms of its targets, since it caught students and a teacher.

I'm finding your version of Mr. Filch just a little bit over the top. It's not awful to the point where it takes away from the rest of the story, but I feel like if you toned him down about half a notch, he would be a lot more realistic and natural-sounding. Specifically the parts where he's picking random students to heap abuse upon or arbitrarily detaining them because he doesn't like the way they look. The way I remember Filch from the books, he was usually all bark and no bite.

So... Melanie and Remus. I could see that. She's a Slytherin, but not one of those Slytherins who's obsessed with blood status and family lines. Remus is easily the most open-minded of the four Marauders. the conversation between the two of them was well-paced and I thought they both sounded in character. I did agree with Melanie that suggesting the prank competition was a bit out of character for Remus. That section might have read better if you'd written it so that she goads Remus into it. For instance, having her brag much more about the superiority of the Anti-Marauders' pranks to the point where he feels the needs to fight back.

I do sort of hope he keeps her scarf, though. It's like she's marking her territory. ;)

The prank itself was pretty brilliant. Actually, I thought the part where they transfigured Filch's cat was even more brilliant than the painting on the wall. If it was me, I probably would have made the dragon a bit more destructive, like breathing actual fire or maybe spitting orange and red paint on anyone who walked by. Still, it was very cleverly done!

Well, I'm excited to see what the Marauders come back with. Also, excited to see where things go between Melanie and Remus. Bravo!

Author's Response: Hi!

Wow, thanks, I'm glad you liked the wall prank! I had a lot of fun coming up with those :D And it's so great to hear that the plot is interesting so far.

You know, I had originally written the second prank with the dragon spitting paint (hence why Filch was so angry for the rest of the day) and then I changed it because it seemed like too much, but I didn't change the bit about Filch. So you're right, I will need to go back and tweak a few sections. Gah, these old, early chapters have so many problems :S thanks for pointing that out though.

As for Melanie and Remus. only time will tell I guess ;) At this point they're not quite friends because they don't trust each other but I'm glad you liked their conversation!

Thanks for your wonderful review!


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Review #39, by ladyrae I. Epilogue: Sixteen years later

1st May 2014:
Is this the last chapter? Oh my god it made me so sad!!

Author's Response: It's not actually the last chapter... the epilogue is in two parts so there's still one more. I'm sorry about the sadness... *hands over tissue* Thanks so much for your review! ♡

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Review #40, by maryhead Business as Usual

28th April 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap!

Wow! What a lovely chapter! Lots of things happen here, in contrast with the first chapter, but you still manage to organise the amount of information so as not to tire or bore the reader. Truth be told, my eyes were glued to the monitor from the first to the last word!

You have this remarkable ability of writing in this calm, balanced style that always manages to relax me. Of course, there were parts in which I felt like strangling the Slytherin Quidditch captain, but all in all I read with a smile on my face.

I also like the way you are gradually creating a connection between Mel and the marauders, but at the same time you don't depict the two groups as utter enemies. It would be strange for them to shift from hate to friendship in a couple of chapters! In this way, everything is more realistic and natural.

I also noticed that here your approach is more descriptive than before. I mean, the settings are still not described in detail (don't think of this as a negative comment, there's nothing wrong in that), but the actions of the characters are really well depicted.

What else can I say? I think you may have noticed that I adored the chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more about this story! Sorry again for being so late with the review ;).

Author's Response: Ooh, yay, I'm glad it's organised enough that it's not boring :p I'm glad you like the writing style!

Haha, yes, the connection is verrry gradual - that rivalry can't be overcome instantly! But yeah, I think it was more rivalry than hatred anyway. Ah yay, that's great to hear that it felt natural and realistic!!

I think as the story goes on it gets more descriptive. Or at least I hope so. The beginning chapters were written in 2007 *cringe* and I think by the time I got to the middle of the story a few years later I had learnt how to use words. :p

Wow thank you so much for this review, it was so lovely! I am so happy you're enjoying the story so far! ♥


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Review #41, by maryhead Beginnings

27th April 2014:
Hi! I am here for your requested review :)

Alright, first of all I'd like to tell you that I found this chapter incredibly relaxing. You begin it in a very "classic" way, focusing on Melanie's thoughts and impressions rather than the description of the background, and that's good. I mean, I love descriptions, and I usually prefer more... visual stories, but in this case I think your style fits well with the beginning of the story: not too flashy or excessively dramatic. As I said, relaxing is the word I would use.

The characterisation is good! Of course, this is only the first chapter, so I suppose there'll be much more to discovery about the protagonists, but even at this point the reader is able to notice that all the characters, both OCs and canon, will be round characters and will not fall into stereotypes. Melanie is obviously the character who stands out more: in my opinion, you depicted her internal struggle really well, making her doubt about her parent's beliefs, but not forgetting that she's only an eleven-year-old girl who cares for her family's opinion. Her sorting in Slytherin was a surprise, but a pleasant one. Gryffindor would have been a bit of a clichč.

Regarding the overall appearance of the chapter, as I said everything seems to be very relaxing and smooth. Nothing much happens, but the reader is hooked nonetheless by the thoughts of the main character. The style is really fluent, and the paragraphs are well connected, although I'd probably move the last paragraphs of the first part to the beginning of the second part. Let me explain: if you conclude the scene of the first year with a general description of the behaviour of Gryffindors towards Slytherins, the reader will expect you to zoom on a specific event of the first year in the second part of the chapter. At least, that's what I expected, and I have to admit, I was a bit disoriented. Instead, if you take the part from "one of the first things I noticed" onwards, and you move everything to the opposite side of the page break, those couple of lines become a general description of the first five years at Hogwarst, thus making the passage from the first part of the chapter to the second one less... Drastic.

However, that's only my humble opinion regarding an aspect you asked me to comment on. What I pointed out is a tiny detail in an otherwise really good chapter! I'm looking forward to reading more of it, and if you liked my story, don't hesitate to re-request ;)

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you! Wow, I find your first comments about the descriptions really interesting - I mean, you're right, there's not a huge amount of visual descriptions but it's odd for me to look back at it now thinking of that, because this is such an old chapter and my current writing is so much more descriptive, this really pointed out that change to me. Anyway, thanks! I'm glad it works :P

That is wonderful to hear that the characters don't seem like stereotypes, and are not cliche.

Haha oh good, I know there's not a whole lot of action in this chapter so I'm glad that Melanie's thoughts are enough to sustain interest in reading! And that's a really good point about that chunk of paragraphs. I had kind of deliberated about it for a while, whether it should go with the sixth year or the first year stuff and ultimately added it to the rest of the first year section, but it does feel awkward there, as you said. I'll have a look at rearranging it and see if it works better with the sixth year. :)

Thanks so much for your insightful review!


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Review #42, by Ashley A New Start

7th April 2014:
Oh dear Lord you just made my day. 'use the force Luke' honestly I shouldn't be laughing this hard

Author's Response: Your review just made my day! :D Haha I'm glad you enjoyed that part. Thanks so much for your review!!

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Review #43, by Louise Tricks and Treats, But Mostly Tricks

6th April 2014:
This story is fantastic so far! It makes me want to read on with all the exiting things that are happening and it is very well written. Hoping for a little bit more Action/Romance/Adventure in the next chapters but overall I love the characters and the story so far!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you!! I am so thrilled that you like it! All three of those elements do appear in the story, though it takes a bit of time to get going ;) Thanks so much for your review!

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Review #44, by oldnumberseven  The End of the Beginning

24th March 2014:
Omg, that's it?? I mean, of course the story ends here because they took their NEWTs and had the End of the Year Feast, but omg it's over??

Wow, what a story. As I've said over and over again, you have such a fresh perspective and thrilling OC, so bravo to you. 37 chapters is quite the commitment, but I'm so happy you had the time to write all of them out till the end - that's not an easy thing to do!

I'm more than excited for the epilogue, because this chapter has laid the groundwork for some interesting scenarios, but are you going to have a sequel or sorts? Or will the epilogue fill in the gaps?

Thank you so much for your story, it was a pleasure to read :D

Author's Response: Yeah... it seemed like an appropriate place to end it. I debated for a while about continuing a bit further, but it wouldn't really have been the same story, I think. I won't say any more here though, it will all be told in the epilogue... sort of.

That is seriously the most wonderful thing to hear, that the perspective and characters are entertaining and original, just, gahh ♥♥ THANK YOU ♥

I know, I don't think I had realised before posting this on HPFF just how long it was, the word count really surprised me! haha. And yes, it was quite a commitment - 6 years of writing :O Thanks for your commitment too in reading all of it! *hugs*

Mmm, as yet I have no plans for a sequel (although some of the characters will appear in another fic, just in minor roles). But who knows. Someday maybe, if I'm inspired...

Thank YOU so much for reading and for your wonderful reviews! :D


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Review #45, by Rumpelstiltskin What Friends Are For

21st March 2014:
Back!

Yay, presents! Oh my...Sirius and his dirty mind ;). His suggestiveness could never get old, it always makes me laugh!

Oh boy, a detention with Sirius :D, this can only go horribly wrong. Yup, Sirius is slightly annoying, then turns all broody when Regulus and his home-life is mentioned -_-. Well, I can't say I blame him, but it isn't Mel's fault...she has no idea! (She begged a little.) Aw, that was sweet, Sirius hugs :D.

Only Sirius detentions have water fights. Whoo, more detention! *Cough*

Oh thank goodness, she broke up with Luke! :D (er, probably not something I should be happy about but I am and you can't stop me!!)

Ahaha, that's a wonderful response to somebody stealing the Marauder's Map :D. I love it!

There, a bonus chapter because it took me FOREVER to come and say hi!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Ooh, two reviews? How did I get so lucky? :D Also I just realized that in my response to your last review, I used about 30 of these :p faces.

Haha, I couldn't resist. I am secretly just really immature. :p (Ok, not so secretly. And there I go with that smiley again, I need an intervention.)

I think it wouldn't be too bad, as detentions go! Water fights are the best.

I don't blame you for being happy about that! I mean, Luke isn't all that interesting to read about. I think his spirit animal is probably a flobberworm. And besides, Mel was with him for the wrong reasons.

Glad you liked theMarauder's Map, haha. Thank you for your reviews today! :D


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Review #46, by Rumpelstiltskin New Faces and New Places

21st March 2014:
I'm very late on getting to this...and very sorry too :(!

I'm glad that she's trying to stay in touch with her Nathan; it must be difficult to believe that he may have something to do with Death Eaters, especially when he's your own brother :(.

Aha, pranks ahoy! Poor Mel; at least it was funny (for me).

It sounds like Vanessa is jealous -- but she can totally have Luke, just saying ;). Mel can get an upgrade. And that chick totally means to be rude...it's intentional. I don't like her (as a person, as a character she's fantastic, because I hate her, if that makes sense...).

And then she's being suspiciously nice. Suspicious I tell you! (You will never receive and non-rambling, completely coherent review from me and I'm sorry about that.)

Haha, the Marauders totally deserved it.

Nathan's response letter was sweet :D. Ready for my epic prediction? Okay, so Nathan's going to be a DE, Mel's joining the Order, and she's going to have to fight her brother :(! Okay, so it was more of a tragic prediction than an epic one but..

Anyway. I kind of love that there is a short explanation of why not to lean over the toaster while it's on :D. I tend to forget that witches and wizards aren't always accustomed to Muggle devices (at least when Arthur Weasley isn't in the picture).

...and then she runs off to Luke. *Sigh*

;) Great chapter, I'm sorry it took me so long...I get distracted very easily...

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Rumpel!! Hey no worries, nothing to apologise for, its not like you're paid to read fanfiction haha. I'm just glad you're still reading! :D

Yeah, Melanie and Nathan are pretty close so it's definitely worrying for her.

teehee, I'm glad. I thought the pranks were funny too, even if Mel didn't. I love April Fool's! :p

oh, Vanessa... I'm glad you love to hate her. I think that's the only thing she's good for. :p

I love rambly reviews! Plus I'm responding late at night so I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense anyway, sorry.

Ooh, predictions! Are you willing to put 20 Galleons on that? :p Heh. Only time will tell...

True fact: The leaning over the toaster thing was inspired by my own brilliant mistakes in real life - I burnt a scarf by leaning over a toaster. Dur. I don't even have the excuse of being magical. :p

Haha I don't think anyone really likes Luke, poor guy. But yeah... Melanie needs to open her eyes!

Thank you so much for reading and for this lovely review!!


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Review #47, by LightLeviosa5443 Tricks and Treats, But Mostly Tricks

11th March 2014:
Hi! I'm finally here with your requested review. This one took me even longer than last time and for that I am so so so so so terribly sorry! Now, onto the review!

I thought that the way you characterized Filch, Remus, Melanie, and Peeves was to perfection in this chapter. Filch was fantastically grumpy, and I could totally see him stomping around the castle trying to give people detention because a prank was pulled. Remus, when he was goading Melanie into a prank war, and when he was honest about what he was doing in Three Broomsticks, and really just that whole interaction. it was so sincere and so Remus that I loved it. I could completely see a young Lupin doing that. Melanie, I loved the way that she told him that they did all of the pranks, I loved that she baited him, even after he baited her. The banter the two had made me feel like it some something old friends would do, which was a nice touch and a great way to establish that friendship. And then Peeves. Peeves was just so spot on, with the teasing, and making more trouble and noise. I loved it!

This chapter flowed really well. I liked how easily you transitioned from leaving the castle, to them going to hogsmeade. The way that you really covered everything that happened in hogsmeade but not in so much detail that I was skipping over to move on. Then you enetered the castle, planted an awkward moment for Melanie, planned the prank, pulled the prank and had the post prank. It wasn't rushed at all, which is great, because I think this was a chapter that, if written differently, could feel very rushed. So, it was all really just perfect. Bravo!

One little thing, I was initially confused about the whole filch thing in the beginning of the story, but it made sense once I read on. So my only constructive criticism would be to take a peek at that first scene and maybe mention why they're all there getting their names called!

That aside, I wrote down some of my favorite scenes because I wanted to mention them to you. These are in no particular order:
-When peeves was sweeping in to make a ruckus while the girls were still working on the painting. I can only imagine how much of a nuisance that would be while you're trying to pull off a big prank that could get in you in a very big amount of trouble. The scene was so funny and well done.

- When the marauders got stuck to the wall, well really just the entire wall scene. Especially since Flitwick was stuck up there too. Nice touch, by the way.

-The Remus/Melanie Hogsmeade scene. Um. Yes. Should I start shipping them? I mean, I know the story says Sirius/oc which is why I'm curious (because Melanie is the MC). But I really did love that, even if they stay just friends or turn into more.

-When they did the actual painting of the dragon. I was literally having a mini heart-attack the whole time because I was so worried that someone was going to catch them and they'd be in loads of trouble and the marauders would win. I'm so glad the girls didn't get caught!

-The scene where everyone is seeing the prank and reacting to it. I loved the way you explained it and the imagery you gave us. It was a really great way to finish off the chapter, I think, and I really enjoyed how you described it all!

This was a really wonderful chapter, and I really am so sorry that it took me so long to get to it! I hope you re-request.

xoxo Sarah

P.S. I could never get sick of you ;)

Author's Response: Hi Sarah! Haha, really don't worry about the time, I'm in no rush and I haven't been around much myself either, so I don't blame you. Yay! *throws around a handful of rainbows*

Ahh yay! I'm glad Remus is written well and that it seems in character for him to act like that. It's wonderful to hear you liked their interaction in that scene! That was one of my favourite scenes to write in this chapter. Haha, yeah, you can ship whoever you want, I'm not standing in your way. All I'm going to say here is Maybe. Who wants to spoil the fun of guessing? :p Anyway haha. I am so happy to hear that Peeves was spot on as well, and Filch too! Thank you!

Ah great I'm glad it flowed well. Hm that part about Filch... at the end of the previous chapter I had mentioned the Hogsmeade weekend, but that's a good point maybe I should add a line in as a refresher at the beginning of this one, just in case anyone else took a long break between chapters 2 and 3!

Thank you for such a thoughtful review! I appreciate it a lot. ♥


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Review #48, by 800 words of heaven Counterstroke

8th March 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

It has been so long since I read this story - which always seems to be the case :( I always forget how much I missed it until I start reading it again - which is also always the case :P

And so the prank war begins! I cannot wait to see what the Marauders have up their sleeve! I found it really amusing how she refers to Remus separately from James and Sirius. And Remus had a chance to shine again by showing that he's well aware why his friends go around acting like idiots all the time.

I get the impression that no one likes Snape. I find that a little strange since Slytherins are known for looking after their own, but I guess Snape gives off vibes which mark him as belongin to no-mans-land. Will he be making an appearance throughout the story? I'm excited to see in which direction you take him.

It's wonderful how you've set up Regulus as a follower already. It's a nice way to link him to canon, where he follows what his family expects of him, and thus ends up becoming a Death Eater - and then hating it. Perhaps he'll get to show the other side of him, with all those hidden depths and deep-rooted courage by standing up to Elliot Jasper in some way later on!

It's also interesting how you've shown people of other Houses rally around her despite her being a Slytherin. I guess all bets are off when Slytherins pick on other Slytherins - you know something is definitely wrong with that picture!

The plot thickens! I hope to be back soon(er) :)

Author's Response: Haha, well I haven't been around much lately and I think this must be my first time playing review tag in like a month and a half, so no worries! But I'm glad you like the story enough to miss it, haha.

At this point she has talked to Remus a little, but James and Sirius have had no reason to bother talking with her much - so they're like a whole separate problem, haha.

Well, I don't know if it's that no one likes Snape... I wouldn't see him as really popular, but some people like him. Melanie used to be his friend - this of course is getting to the tail end of their friendship as they've stopped trusting each other now, so really it's probably her slightly biased narration that gives that impression of no one liking him!

I'm glad you liked Regulus in here, and thought it adhered to canon! You know,I kind of wish I'd included him more often than I did in this fic. I like that idea of him standing up to Jasper!

Well, she's not exactly popular, so having support from other houses was a big deal to her. Yeah, I think when there's a Slytherin versus another Slytherin, people would rally around the one that doesn't pick on them!

Thank you so much for your review!


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Review #49, by oldnumberseven  Stepping on a Serpent

8th March 2014:
Hello again :D

I want to start off by saying that you have a great attention to detail. All of the pranks mentioned in this fic are so original and funny, as are scenes like the Muggle April Fools joke and riding bikes with Balancing Charms. I love stories that have little connections to the Wizarding World/the 1970s, so bravo for making your story so realistic!

On that note, I love that all the characters are starting to think about their lives after school and what the war will do to them. It's interesting to see that Charlotte's death was a wake up call, not just for Melanie and Mandy, but for the other Slytherins as well. In all of JK's books, we see the Gryffindor perspective, but I haven't read a lot of fics that show the Slytherin side of things, especially during the First War. As I mentioned before, that's the number one thing I love about this fic - I'm a Hufflepuff myself but I love getting to know other houses by reading phenomenal fics like yours :D

Btw, I was fangirling so hard when Melanie were fighting/snogging. Gah, I love them.

Excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Eee! So great to see another review from you! Thanks, I'm glad you like the amount of detail. Sometimes I wondered if I added too much so the plot didn't move forward, haha - I love adding details like that to set the scene and the time period so it feels real, ya know? So yay thank you, I'm glad it feels realistic and original :)

I wrote this section of the story when I was beginning to wonder what on earth I was doing with ny own life, so it showed up here :p But yeah, I think for these students who are leaving school and heading into a world at war, things get a lot more intense and they have to think seriously about the future.

Thanks, I'm really happy that you like the Slytherin perspective and getting to know the house - though I'm a Hufflepuff too! :p

Hehe, I enjoyed writing that scene :D

Thanks so much for another fab review!


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Review #50, by toomanycurls Stepping on a Serpent

8th March 2014:
I'M GOING TO DIE FROM HAPPINESS!!! YOU MENTIONED ME!! Whoo. Had to get the shouts out early.

Oh dear, April Fools with a pureblood in a muggleborn house... you did a hilarious job with that. :D Not the dishes! What if they were centuries old china from someone important!?!?!

Balancing charms - I need one for my bike.

I'm happy they got Charlotte healing time. Their trip to the cemetary was a great scene.

When you said it wasn't as good as the previous Easter, I thought it might have been a dramatic holiday and I was glad to be wrong.

Yay!!! I hope Mel gets to have a lot of unspeakable fun!!!

Um, if Mandy becomes a rockstar clothes designer, that'd be rad. :D

ahaha, I love Mandy's recruitment technique for their duelling practice club. Just shout it at the CR. I love her a little. I love the line about snakes being stepped on biting back. Such a perfect way to talk about their need to defend themselves. I'm so glad that Mel and Mandy are leading the group!! They're such good teachers and *hugs story*. I want to smack Hector just wanting to look out for himself through all this. It's pretty cool that each house has their own defense group!

Um, you know what this chapter is lacking? SNOGGING!

Oh hey, there's Sirius and Remus. :)

hehe, I like that Sirius and Mel dueled a bit. Now they should snog. ;) WHOO! SNOGGING!!

O.O I need the next chapter now! This was amazing. And I have no idea why the scarecrow got an award.

-Rose

Author's Response: I had to, your consistently wonderful reviews have been one of the best things about posting this story!

Hehe, I'm glad you liked April Fools :p Melanie isn't technically a pureblood, as her granddad (who was mentioned like twice) is Muggle-born, but she definitely knows as much about electricity as your average pureblood! Well, if they were heirloom china dishes... they *were* heirloom china dishes :p

I'm really glad you liked the cemetery scene too. There was never closure before so I think they needed that.

Oh goodness, I'm just imagining the types of clothing Mandy would design and coming up with all these hilarious images in my mind. I think her sense of fashion is quite silly :p

Yay! Its great to hear that you like their defense group and the way they lead it. With Hector... it's not so much that he's only looking out for himself, more that he's a pacifist. He believes in the cause that his friends want to fight for, and he supports them, but he doesn't want anything to do with war.

hold your hippogriffs, I wouldn't leave a chapter that's dedicated to you without any snogging scenes. Next time I'll put a little disclaimer at the top of the chapter that says "Scroll to line 37 for the snogging."

I'll put up the next chapter after my entry to your Princess Bride challenge gets validated ;)

And the scarecrow won an award because he was OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD. Ba-dum chhh.


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