Reading Reviews for Picking Up the Pieces
  
167 Reviews Found

Review #26, by marauderfan Unpredictable

11th December 2013:
Hi there! You seem to have disappeared from the forums, but I'm here with your review!

I was really happy to see the return of Astoria. They seem like a realistic couple to me in that they go through good and bad times, and this just seems to be one of their off days. But I can see Draco's feelings shifting - while Astoria isn't really my type of person, I feel bad for her. That's really the last thing you want when it's approaching your wedding day...

I was surprised Harry just let her out like that, given what had happened at her last place. I mean I get that he understands the feeling of confinement after living in a cupboard under the stairs growing up, but I'm sure he was informed about the crazy beast animals that attacked Ana previously. I don't know, it just seemed very odd for him to do that, especially considering how Harry is when he wants to find out information about someone (thinking about when he set house-elves to stalk Malfoy in HBP. Has he got someone following Ana?)

Little sister?! I seem to remember her brother not being present when the fire got Ana's house, so I had thought he was alive for a while until he was never mentioned again, at which point I assumed he was dead. So... he's a bear? I'm intrigued to see how he got himself into that state.

Nice work on this chapter!

Author's Response: Yup, MC_HK is no more.

Oh, well... Maybe you should wait and see what happens with Astoria ;)

Something I left out, and it was because Harry's POV is never seen in the story, is that he has enchantments surrounding the area of his home that would alert him to anyone coming or leaving. It's something I need to put in, and kind of never did. Sorry leave you confused there.

Oh, he's alive. If you decide to read on, then you'll get to understand his powers more.

Thank you for reading. :)


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Review #27, by ReeBee Impression

8th December 2013:
Hi there! Here with your requested review!!

Okay, it is super interesting!! :D Don't worry about that at all :) I'm so gripped! Very interesting! The way you've written it- u have somehow managed to keep things mysterious without the use of a cliffhanger! Its an impressive feat! :)

Emotion- Draco's, yes, but Anaxandra's is a bit unclear. I understand that u might her to be a bit detached, but, a bit more emotion from her side would do wonders :) I'm not saying that its completely devoid of emotions, but, a bit more insight into how she feels would be good. I mean, her families just been killed, there must be something. Like how something draco does reminds her of her father, or just something small :) That would give some depth to your characters and make Anaxandra more realistic :) Draco is characterised extremely well :)

Also, when it switches over to Anaxandra's thoughts- after the line break, u used the word 'Anaxandra' a bit too much. Maybe try using more pronouns- that would help with flow :) Though, flow in general was quite good :)

Well- thats all I've got! :) It was a truly amazing chapter! :)

Feel free to rerequest :)

-ReeBee

Author's Response: Thanks for the help. I'll be sure to figure out Ana's emotions and fix her name. Again, thanks for the review.

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Review #28, by marauderfan Accomplishment

24th November 2013:
Hi Monica! I'm here with your review from the forums!

This is a really great chapter. The beginning was so wonderful with the raw emotions that both of them are too afraid to say, it was really sweet. I loved it when Ana hugged Draco and he didn't quite know how to react. And the fact that she was simultaneously trying to steal files from him, just added this extra layer of silliness that contrasted the difficult goodbye. I could picture the scene perfectly and just ah! I loved it.

Your writing has come a long way since the beginning by the way. I love the small descriptions here that add so much - like the contrast between Draco and Harry's handwriting, how Ginny is carrying a bag in before she rushes off to Quidditch - they're just small details, but for me that's how to really effectively paint a picture, which you did well in this chapter, it was very visual.

Loved the end scene too. I could tell exactly what was happening without even seeing anything. I particularly loved this: The Ministry has no idea who she is, andó Ron! Yes I am going to eat them!

Hahaha. Your portrayals of Ron and Hermione are spot on, so great job! Hermione has clearly thought through everything, and Ron is just there to eat and make snarky comments (including one about Ana's appearance. Ha. Good going Ron, that definitely earned you a slap, lol.)

The only thing I'd watch out for is tense shift. Sometimes it hopped into present tense, so a quick read over could catch most of those.

Great chapter, I am enjoying this story so much!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much I am so glad you liked this chapter! I think it's one of my favorite chapters to write!

so happy to hear that you think my writing has improved. That's all I want is to keep getting better! And also glad to know my other characters aren't OOC. I find Canon characters to be the hardest to write.

I am terrible with tense shift! Sorry! Will try to fix that right away.

Thank you for reviewing


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Review #29, by Cannons Option

20th November 2013:
Here with your requested review so HEY!

Anyway, I'm still not totally sure what's going on but I enjoyed this chapter quite a lot!

Anders and Draco are going to have some interesting interactions I think. Anders seems to be a bit unpredictable and controlling especially his attitude to Anaxandra, he seems a bit controlling of her.

I liked Tobin he seemed very funny, especially since he is a prisoner.

Your writing as always is exceptional, you include all the small details and you leave the reader wanting more all the time. I have no idea how you manage to keep up the level of consistency up in your writing as you do.

I have no idea where this is going to go, but am excited to read on.

Cannons

Author's Response: Hey! Lol

I'm glad you're enjoying this chapter. Yes, Draco and Anders will definitely be interacting a lot in the next few chapters :)

I'm really glad you like my writing! I've been trying very hard to keep it consistent and try to put out quality writing that people will enjoy.

Will be updated in December! :)

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #30, by BLONDEbehaviour Surreal

18th November 2013:
I'm so so confuzeleddd!!

Hello Monica! I am so so so so so so terribly sorry it has taken me so long to review this. Please accept some flowers as my apology! Thank you very much for your patience too :D

Wow. Did not see any of that coming! What is going on! I wasn't overly surprised to see Astoria cheating on Draco, but did not expect it to be so out in the open! Silly Astoria. Not gonna lie, may have a done a small happy dance when he left her :P I think you did the breakup just right too, you didn't make it hugely emotional or dragged on, you just cut it off, which I think is a very Draco thing to do, to just separate like that.

I do not know how I feel about this HUGE (emphasis on the huge missy! :P) plot twist that you have put in here. So noone has any recollection of Anaxandra apart from Draco, and according to the ministry she and her file does not exist. I am extremely intrigued as to what and how this happened, and what will result from it. So.Many.Questions!! GAH. I do like it though, I think you have created a great twist as the perfect time, as it is almost as everything is beginning to unravel, especially surrounding Draco.

I am super intruiged, you will have to request so I can read. I am reopening my thread and will try and get them done every few days now that I'm in holiday mode. Hope NaNo is going well!!

Grace :D

Author's Response: Haha it's okay :) I don't mind.

I know, crazy right?! And poor Draco is getting the worst of it all! But, you'll see. I've only got a few more chapters of this left, maybe six to seven chapters at the most, so answers will come fairly quickly.

I'll go re-request right now! :) Thank you for taking the time to review!

--Monica


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Review #31, by SkyEcho Impression

17th November 2013:
Hi MC_HK! I'm here with your requested review. You have created such a unique and exciting story. I really enjoyed reading this :)

Your plot flows nicely. I liked that you started off with the action in the Prologue and focused on Anaxandra at the Ministry for questioning in this chapter. The pacing of your revelations is good - nothing dragged or felt rushed. You have left me with lots of unanswered questions, which as a reader, keeps me interested. I'm looking forward to finding out more about Anaxandra's life as a Hunter.
Anaxandra is a great character. She has a unique upbringing that does show in her actions / way she carries herself. I liked the interrogation scenes. We see her strength here. Her refusal to give away any information is believeable, especially considering her upbringing. It's almost as if she is used to being in dangerous situations where she has to keep a clear head and work through the obstacles in her way before getting caught up in her emotions. It was nice to see her open up to Draco. You did a great job of showing her struggle with this.
I felt that Draco was portrayed well, especially in the middle to end of the chapter. He was intimidating and the dialogue felt realistic. In the beginning, although you referenced his past and how he has changed, it would help if you added some more internal struggle to help the reader "see" his change better. A potential place for this, I thought, could be when his boss references his Death Eater past. Maybe Draco could initially be angry or frustrated that his desire to be trusted and accepted is not happening because his past keeps overshadowing any progress he's made?
I liked that you showed how reluctant his boss was to ask him for help. This is believable. Yet, maybe adding more to show how desperate he is would strengthen your story. What's the rush for this girl to open up (from the MInistry's perspective)? What is so special / troubling about this particular case that he's willing to take the rest of Draco's cases? Even if you don't tell us everything here - hints as to his desperation would work nicely to move things along smoothly. It might also pique Draco's interest to uncover the reason his boss wants this so badly.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and i look forward to finding out what happens!

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing :) yeah I need to do a little rewriting of my earlier chapters and all of this really helped me a lot. I agree with everything you say in that I could have included so much more detail to strengthen emotions. Thank you again :)

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Review #32, by rozen_maiden Option

16th November 2013:
Draco and Anders!! Haha, their meeting was absolutely everything I had hoped - The snarky comebacks, the wit.. Hehe, you never let me down with your characters, you know. I am always left so fulfilled after reading a chapter, as you just have this way of making everything fall perfectly into place. Every dialogue and action seems so realistic :)
And Anders! I know I have said it before, but I love that man! He is such a ... jerk. His bitterness fills me with a sick delight. I'll agree with Ana on that one - it *was* nice to see Draco get a taste of his own medicine.

I felt like there were a lot of things in this chapter that went unsaid. I get the feeling that Anders and Ana are more desperate for answers and closure than they would like to admit. The fact that Anders went so far as to ask for help, despite not trusting Draco at all, says a lot without blatantly saying it. It seems a delicate situation, and I was happy to read that Ana is taking it so well. I kind of got the feeling that she was almost relieved that Draco is helping.
And this: ' "It's what she calls Death Eaters. Give her a break, she's four," Anaxandra replied, threading a stick through what looked to be a rabbit carcass. She expected a snarky comeback from Draco, but all she got was silence.' It completely slipped my mind that Ana has no idea about Draco's past! I'm curious to see what happens when she finds out - though it's probably not going to be a big deal, but still, it was another nice hint that I still don't know every character and their intentions yet. Honestly, you write like a professional. Your attention to detail is crazy.

I'm sad that this is on hold for a while :( I love this story and these characters! At least you're writing 'Warfare' for me to stalk and read in the future, though :P

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Yes! I was very much reaching for all of that with Anders! And I loves writing the scene where him and Draco meet :)

There are definitely a lot of things that are remaining unsaid.. for now :) I am SO excited to write how Ana finds out about Draco as well! I'm glad that you get so much joy out of my characters! I try to make them as real as I can make them. I just want to write the reveal chapter right now! But alas, my failed attempt at NaNo is waiting for me to write it... And you're always so nice in these reviews I feel like you're spoiling me :)

Thank you for the review as always brain twin :) You're so awesome!

--Monica


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Review #33, by Cannons Surreal

16th November 2013:
Hey, I am so sorry it took me so long to get here and review this amazing work of literature but I have been so unmotivated lately and lazy!

So first things first, I am proper confused! What is going on?? Like literally, I just scratched my head! LOL :P

Anyway at least I found one thing in this chapter that made sense to me, I know why Draco was in such a hurry to leave the ice cream shop that day! It defiantly was not what I thought it was going to be at all, totally took me by surprise.

I feel so sympathetic for Draco in this story, I want to hate him but I just can't!

You did a great job with the Draco Astoria scene and now hopefully she's totally out of the picture, who needs cheats right?

Great chapter but so many questions, guess I'm just going to have to read the next chapter right away then! Oh, I only just got your chapter name :P

Author's Response: Lol it's okay :) Thank you for taking the time to review!

Good! I wanted this chapter to be really confusing, because things are kind of supposed to tie together in the next chapter (hopefully; I haven't gotten hardly any feedback on it).

Exactly! Stupid Astoria... I hate her lol.

I'm glad that Draco is hard to hate! Hopefully my characterization of him is still very consistent, though. That's what I've been striving for.

Thank you for all the nice things you've said, and for taking the time to review :)

--Mon


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Review #34, by marauderfan Change

13th November 2013:
Hello! marauderfan here with your requested review. (By the way, I like your "feed the author" zoo tour guide spiel at the end of the chapter there haha.)

So, it wasn't an eventful chapter, but it's a very important transition. I think to this point Ana has been taking Draco for granted, and now she'll be forced not to. I'm so curious to see how she interacts with Harry as her new guardian! There's definitely a lot about to change and I think you set that up well. And as always I like the banter between Ana and Draco!

Also, cue the "Awww"s. :D I thought it was really cute that Draco waited there for three days, and that neither of them wants to admit there's something there. The scene with Gawain was great too - he can understand Draco better than Draco understands himself ;)

Oh and I'm so curious about what those animals were! Does Ana even know what they were? Something that clearly isn't well known to the rest of the wizarding world - I thought it was interesting how she kept it secret from even the Healer.

Uh so... I've got nothing useful to say, just a bunch of gushing and predicting, haha. I think I'm a little too attached to the story now to be able to give valuable CC, unless you have specific areas of concern! :p Anyway, I am really excited to keep reading and find out what happens next. Great chapter!!

Kristin

Author's Response: Haha thanks for the review and the kind words :)

Ana has no idea what those things were! They aren't something found in any wizard in textbook, I can tell you that right now ;) I'm very excited to put out the chapter that has everything tying together! But not until after NaNo :(

I hope you read on some more! And it's okay that you've grown attached to the story that is also valuable CC. I wanna know what I'm doing right as well. Thank you again for dropping by :)

--Mon


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Review #35, by newgenerationlover Option

12th November 2013:
I am sooo sorry I haven't reviewed before now!! I've been so busy with school and such, but now I'm back (or at least have a little bit of a break today from homework/life).

So to the review:

I really like the direction the story is headed. I can definitely tell that it is starting to flow more and speed up. Also, I noticed your impeccable diction choices. Snaps for you:). I can't wait to keep reading so please update soon!!

Author's Response: Haha, it's okay :) I've been busy with my new NaNo novel, so I haven't been checking my reviews too often, and it's not your obligation to review. Just a nice little treat for all my hard work :)

I'm trying to pick up the pace now that I have everyone's stories set up and the plot in place. Sadly, I won't be updating till sometime in December, so I hope you stick with me until then! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means the world to me :)

--Monica


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Review #36, by Lululuna Pawn

9th November 2013:
Hi! I'm finally here for your requested review. I'm really glad you re-requested and gave me an excuse to come and review this wonderful chapter in your very original story.

I really like Draco's uncertainty here and how he doesn't really believe Anaxandra's story himself. However it's nice to see him protecting her a little bit which fits intriguingly like the tagline of him being an invaluable asset. Draco's initial dismay about having to deal with her while she's in protective custody were amusing as well.

On that subject, the whole protective custody thing kind of frightens me, especially with them taking away her wand. The no communication to the outside world makes sense, in case she was contacting someone who turned out to be dangerous, but taking away her wand so she couldn't even defend herself seems a little extreme and more like she's being imprisoned than protected. That being said I'm loving all the legal jargon for wizards, it makes for some really great details! :)

I really liked Robards in this chapter and he really comes across as the long-suffering, hardened security chief. His lines where he complains and wishes he could just put her in Azkaban for making Timothy cry were hilarious- poor Timothy, but what kind of an Auror cries when questioning someone?! :P This chapter made me more curious about the mystery that is Anaxandra and what's going on in the wizarding world with all these murders- I really have no idea on what to expect.

The description of her model galaxy was really beautiful, and such an intriguing talent to have to calm her! I loved the line about how the real stars were even better, however. I feel like I haven't really gotten to know the real Anaxandra very well yet with all the excitement so that little detail made me feel a little more interested in her and made her more relatable.

Of course Draco would just barge in! I like their little rivalry for "dominance" as was put and how even though Anaxandra immediately detests him she can sympathize with him and understand his perspective. I feel sorry for Astoria more than Draco in this chapter- true, he has a demanding job and she could be a little more understanding, but it was nice of her to stay and make sure he got home safely all the same.

Another great chapter, and I really like how the story is coming along! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!

Well, she didn't have a wand in the first place, so she didn't have any means of protecting herself already, and the house they are being held in is charmed and all that so whoever shouldn't be there won't be there. Plus, Draco's supposed to be there the majority of the time, and that should be protection enough, so the Ministry thinks ;)

Haha, well Anaxandra is a spit-fire, so I could only imagine that she really chewed him out :P

Ah yes, her model galaxy :) I love writing about it, as I think it's a very beautiful piece of her life and background. This will be explained more later.

You'll see a little more of Astoria later. She makes a couple more appearances, and I have no idea if you'll keep taking her side or not :)

Thank you very much again for reviewing!


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Review #37, by Cannons Commencement

2nd November 2013:
Hey.

I had to come back and see what happened next, and Anders wasn't as bad this chapter!

I'm interested to see where this is going and if we will see Draco again!

Author's Response: Haha I think you'll grow to live Anders :)

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #38, by marauderfan Flashback

2nd November 2013:
Hi there, I'm here with your requested review! No worries about hogging the review thread - I don't have slots in the queue, so you're not hogging! :)

Wow what n intense chapter!! Great job writing the action scenes, by the way. Anaxandra's battle with the beast things was really well written. I understand her not running, after her guilt about what happened last time, but she must know that being outnumbered against an unknown enemy is a bad idea! I guess they are something she hasn't seen before, because she didn't seem to recognise what they were? But somehow they know who she is, because the attack was deliberate. And I can't help wondering why they ran away. The suspense!

I appreciated the nod to Harry and Draco's excursion into the Forbidden Forest in their first year! The dialogue was great too, how Harry told him that everyone except for Ron has forgiven him, haha. Oh and relating to that - Anazandra's comment on how the worst thing Draco had ever done was kicking a daisy, was hilariously ironic. She is so out of the loop! Poor Ana! :p

One thing I wonder (as Ana does too) is why Draco continues staying there, but more than that, where is Astoria? I remember from an earlier chapter that he was dating her, but she seems to have disappeared, even in the segments from Draco's POV. Maybe that's intentional so that there's some surprise for the reader about Astoria, but I find it odd that Draco wouldn't be thinking about or even visiting his girlfriend.

Ok now as for specific things... this paragraph:
A thin mist hovered over the forest floor, swirling with each passing step Draco and Harry took. Trunks of trees stretched high up into the night sky with their leaves almost out of sight from where they stood at their roots. The tips of their wands were lit, but they barely produced enough light to see more than twenty feet ahead.

You use the word "their" a fair number of times in here, but the subject changes from Harry and Draco, to the trees, back to Harry and Draco. I'd suggest changing the sentence about the trees to eliminate the word "they" - maybe something like this: "Tree trunks stretched high up into the night sky with leaves nearly out of sight from the roots."
And I'd also move that sentence to the beginning of the paragraph, going from there into the mist sentence, and then to the lit wands. Then there's no more confusion about what "they/their" is referring to.

Anyway, GREAT chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing :)

Ana has kind of a do or die attitude by this point. She is upset about her family, and kind of decides that if these are the things that killed her family, she's going to kill them or die trying. I'm very glad that you liked the way I wrote the action :)

Yeah, I definitely tried to get some Draco/Harry interaction going on. And yeah, isn't it funny to read that when we all know what Draco has done, but Ana doesn't?

I feel bad about saying this, but I don't have much to say about Astoria. You'll see why in later chapters, but by this point Draco is so busy with Ana and work related things that Astoria isn't really at the forefront of his mind (especially when he's with Ana ;) ).

Thank you for the CC as well! I will definitely look into that when NaNo is over :P

--Monica


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Review #39, by Cannons Truthful

2nd November 2013:
Hey here with your requested review!

This was a really interesting chapter. After the last one I had written her brother of as a bit of a mug, and tbh I haven't changed my mind! Anaxandra didn't deserve that :o

He really put her down with the speech about her mediocrity and how she got her parents killed. Also I didn't remember she had a little sibling so I must have forgotten but that was an interesting development.

I feel as if this is going to start a significant change in of direction in the story now that there is the different dimension of her family still being alive, or some of them.

He said to her that she only learnt to take one animal form, I'm presuming that he is talking about being an animagus, so does that mean he can change in to more then one? I didn't know that was possible.

As always another intriguing chapter and you really finish it with drawing them in to read the next one, so well done.

Cannons

Author's Response: Haha, yeah Anders was a bit of a jerk, but just like Ana was at the beginning, he doesn't really know how to handle his feelings after something major like losing his family. The only thing he can do is lash out at Ana because she was with them.

It was in the prologue that she had a little sister, and then in the chapter where she had the nightmare she heard her brother scream :P But I don't expect you to remember that 100% as they were kind of slight details I slipped in.

Ah. The animal forms. This question will be answered later, but I can tell you it's not really the same thing, but is at the same time. Haha, I know, cryptic.

And thank you for reviewing :)

--Monica


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Review #40, by marauderfan Happenstance

30th October 2013:
Well hello there! I'm here with your requested review, and sorry about the long delay in getting to it! Please forgive me? I have cookies! *sends pumpkin cookies or some other Halloween/autumn themed baked goods*

I was so glad to see the two of them finally get out of the house and have interesting adventures... picking up the pace(s)? :p Sorry, bad pun. Anyway, the change in pace was nice and I enjoyed the little snippet of back story about Ana's goblin friend.. maybe friend is too loose a term, more like informant. Acquaintance. Anyway, that was a great scene.

I also liked when Ana started correcting Burke about his incorrect dragon skeleton, haha. That part when Draco and Ana went to Knockturn Alley even further supports my theory that the war had no effect at all on Ana, or else she'd have realised where she was, or at least had some sort of prior feeling about Knockturn Alley, given its shady past and reputation. But for her, it's just an alley like all the rest. So that was an interesting side to see.

Also... punching Draco. I loved it, mainly because I'd have enjoyed doing that as well, I always thought Draco could have used some more punching in the books. So, go Ana! But I have to admit I felt bad for him, because he didn't really do anything wrong here. Ana's going a bit crazy! But I think her breaking down in front of Draco might lead to them talking/connecting more. and some more information about Ana's mystery past. :D

I should probably have some CC for you, but I don't. I think this chapter was miles ahead of some of the earlier ones, mainly because the plot is starting to advance and I think your writing has improved a lot since your early chapters! :) Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! And it's fine, the wait wasn't too bad :P

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the chapter. I think this is where I finally started realizing what I was writing and then actually mapped out to my plot and everything that would lead up to it, because when I started this I didn't know what kind of daunting task it would be :P You know, first story ever written outside of school, you know? I had no idea the power of outlining and planning, etc.

Thank you very much for reviewing! I'm glad to have gotten your feedback :)

--Monica


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Review #41, by Sophia Surreal

29th October 2013:
i need more! Just found this story yesterday and I've been reading it whenever I have had the time. I love your writing style and the plot, you've truly created a magnificent story. Update soon!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! I'm very glad that you like it so much! My new chapter should be up very soon, like tomorrow or so, so look out for it! I'm so glad to have gained a reader! Thank you so much, it means the world that you're reading and enjoying :)

--Monica


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Review #42, by shez Flashback

29th October 2013:
I was playing dragon age today and thought of your story which made me want to check it out and see what was going on. Glad I did :)This chapter was really surprising--I did not see ANY of this coming. The scene with Draco and Harry was awesome, made me chuckle when he says something --I don't remember the exact line but -- Oh we've all forgiven you, Malfoy, except Ron. I can see Ron being like that. Really liking Draco's development thus far --not the unbearable prat he was but also not some nicey-nice fellow. His dealings and attitude with everyone are PERFECT. (especially Ron, idk why, I just really liked their snarky parts).

So I really liked the darker aspect of this chapter with Ana and the beasts (My head immediately went to Dragon Age of course). Not only were they visceral and scary as hell but the effect they have on Ana (she starts having flashbacks) is very believable. The blood, the gore, the drama--idk, I'm twisted but I liked it. Actions scenes were awesome--very movie-like. I started reading faster as I went :)

Though I'm not really a romantic, I'm curious how Draco and Ana are going to end up together in the end of all this (they are, right? You're not trolling me are you?) Overall I'm glad your story branches out from just the romance aspect and you're developing Ana on her own terms, not just as the loveinterest. I like it :) Ana's like the female warden here haha

VASTLY intriguing chapter. Things really jumped here didn't they ? I'm probably going to come back soon and see what happens next.

Author's Response: Oh thanks for stopping by! I had no idea you liked my story. I stopped requesting because I thought you were getting tired of it, so this is a surprise.

And you know what's funny? I'm playing DA at the moment too! Got my pretty little human warden (duh so she can end up with Alistair because I'm in love) and everything :) Ahem, okay back to story business.

I'm glad that I'm getting the characterizations right. I'm finding that it's very hard to do that with Canon characters. And I'm trying to make Draco a developed character, one who is still a Malfoy but also not a child anymore.

I'm glad you liked the action scene! I had a fun time writing it, and believe me, you're not alone in liking the darker, twisted stuff. I do too (so much that this chapter got rejected the first time because my darker side came creeping out a bit).

There will be romance, but I refuse to let it overshadow the development of my characters and their relationships. The current chapter that is awaiting validation has the first real spark (because everything else was just kind of a hint) of romance, so that's where it all begins :)

My palms are sweating lol. Again, respect you so much as an author that it is a bit nerve-wracking for you to read my things. Thank you a million times over for the review :)

"The Make smiles sadly on his Grey Wardens, so the Chantry says, as no sacrifice is greater than theirs."

--Monica


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Review #43, by toomanycurls Accomplishment

29th October 2013:
Could Anaxandra be more stubborn? :D I love that she's so upset by being handed off to someone else. I know she'll rationalize it as needing to pump draco for information - but I think there's more to it.

Your description of Harry is really well done. I love that she doesn't jump to 'omg, it's Harry Potter'. She notices what are his most prominent features (hair and glasses).

Aw, I can't believe Robards is publicly berating Draco. :( I get that he's in trouble but still - it doesn't seem fair.

It's sweet of Harry to give Anaxandra a few minutes to say goodbye. Her interpretation of strictness as 'asserting his dominance' was hilarious (to me). Now I have to prep myself for their goodbye.

*prepped*

I kind of want to see the scene in a movie. Her trying to say a heartfelt goodbye while stealing a file from his pile. Draco stubbornly denying he cares for her at all while being a prat. Their hug and the whole familiarity bit really made me all warm and fuzzy. aah, I have to know what the note from Draco said!!! That was the one of the saddest temporary goodbyes I've read. they should just snog already. :)

haha, of course Harry has a private floo network. He's Harry Potter after all. :D The Ginny/Anaxandra tension is brilliant. I could see Ginny just assuming every chick she meets will want Harry. The way you wrote up Tobin's information worked really well. It also read like a police file on someone.

Your scene with Harry et al discussing Anaxandra is quite brilliant. I love that Hermione is suspicious of her and wants to know why they're not following protocol. Ron's line about jealously not looking good on Ginny made me laugh - it sounds like something he'd say. And of course Ron would make a comment on her appearance. :D

I'm really excited to see what happens with Harry watching Anaxandra!! And how she gets back in touch with Draco.

-Rose

Author's Response: Haha thank you for all the sweet compliments :)

I didn't want Ginny to be so much jealous as she is more dominant. I've said this to another reviewer before, but I wanted it to be like when a new wolf enters a pack. The alpha male and female must assert themselves to make sure everything is in place :)

I'm very happy that you want to see that scene in a movie! I would as well to be honest lol it played out as such in my head.

And I also am very glad that you appreciate the goodbye. I was hoping someone would comment more on it, because I've been feeling very self conscious on it.

Thank you again for dropping by :) Always makes my day.

--Mon


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Review #44, by Loveinidleness Unpredictable

27th October 2013:
Fantastic chapter! Poor lamb she just can't catch a break can she?

So first - Astoria. I'm so glad to see her back in the story. You've written her really well because she does slightly annoy me and I do want to see Draco with Ana but at the same time I feel very sorry for Astoria. I would be interested to know more about draco's shift in feelings. How long has he been feeling this way? Has Astoria noticed anything iis wrong. You've created an interesting dynamic between those two and I can't wait to find out more.

Also just at the moment Draco begins to recognise his feelings, Ana is totally and rightly put off by the file, I can't wait to see how you reconcile this. You're building up such great tension.

And her brother is a bear? Her brother is alive? Her brother hit her? What's going on! Your story has a whole moves so gracefully through your tangled plot that a poor reader can help but be totally sucked in!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad that you liked this chapter.

I never really thought about putting in how long Draco has been feeling that way I will definitely consider putting that in there.

Astoria will also make a new appearance soon! Ahhh I wish you could read more so I can see what you think of the newer chapters!!

And I know. I baby my readers about as much as I baby my poor characters lol. Hope to see you around soon and thank you for the feedback!

--Mon


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Review #45, by maraudertimes Happenstance

26th October 2013:
Hi!

I really like this chapter. It's really well written. Everything is super good from the characterization to the flow, to everything.

I just loved it.

One CC: how did the goblin know it was her if she was disguised?

Great job and keep up the good work! :)

Lo :)

Author's Response: She said she was "Nyx" which is what she went by when she went on hunts with her dad.

Thank you for the review :)

-Mon


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Review #46, by AlexFan Impression

25th October 2013:
My first reaction to this was when I got to the part abut Draco and how he didn't like the death of families and such and I snorted. Really loudly. My immediate thought was that that was funny of him to say since his father and his Aunt Bella did exactly that when Voldemort was in power.

But then again, Draco didn't exactly want to kill people in the first place so I can see where his dislike of death comes from considering everything that he's probably seen.

I like that you made things a little bit difficult for Draco. A lot of the time it's completely forgotten that he was part of an organization that was created to kill people that were muggleborn and he's got a perfect life. It was refreshing to see that Draco's life wasn't all lollipops and rainbows.

And Anaxandra and her attitude towards the man made me smile and I couldn't help but think that she and Draco were going to get along very well.

But woah, Draco brought out the big guns. He really knows his laws doesn't he? When he became an Auror, he probably went all out by the looks of it.

And even though Astoria wasn't mentioned all that much in this chapter, I can see why she wouldn't be all that thrilled with Draco. It sounds like he spends more time at work than with Astoria.

One thing I'm wondering though is why none of these other men did what Draco did? Surely they must have the same knowledge as he does, why didn't any of them come to the same conclusions as him? But it could also just be his Slytherin nature coming out in him.
-Grace

Author's Response: My thoughts exactly. I don't think Draco really liked the idea of people dying after he had gone through the war. I felt like his outlook on all of that would have changed a little more.

Like, you mean by being intimidating? Well, I imagined Draco can be a bit more intimidating than any other Auror for some reason.

thanks for the feedback!

--Mon


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Review #47, by Cannons Unpredictable

24th October 2013:
BOOM!

*SMASHES THROUGH WALL*

I'm back! ;)

*brushes bits of brick from clothes and straightens up shirt*

Right down to business...

THAT BEAR, I knew he was suspicious but I forgot to mention it in my last review, but I did not see that coming! if he's her brother then she has family and he seems like an IDIOT.

GAH.

Ahh Harry, letting her out like that, he see's a bit of himself in her to. I wonder if he will get in trouble if she doesn't come back. Will Draco get super mad at him.

Now this may just be because of your banner, but I thought she had red hair...and he hates the colour red :o ahaha Astoria is just not right for him, he needs to get rid of her! Marriage is meant to be for LOVE not FLOWER ARRANGMENTS! I mean omg!

Your description was awesome as ever, and the way the two sections slotted together was fine.

Massive cliffhanger there, but fortunately for me I can press that little box and choose '12'

See you on the other side!

*turns swiftly and jumps through hole in wall*

Author's Response: THAT WAS THE MOST ACTION PACKED REVIEW I'VE EVER HAD! AND IT WAS LEGENDARY!

Don't write Anders off like that :( He's just upset that Ana didn't help with their parents, and he is just like Ana emotionally, where he can't control his emotions well.

And Draco can't know, remember? They may not discuss the case! And no one else will know he lets her out of ehr cage either :P

Ana does have red hair, but he doesn't have to like the color of her hair to like her, right? :)


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Review #48, by loveinidleness Accomplishment

24th October 2013:
Once again I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to review. Real life picked up at just the wrong time :(. However, I always so look forward to the moments where I can sit down to your story with a cup of tea and read. It always makes my evening.

So this chapter... You are such a TEASE! I've noticed the subtle change in your writing as your story goes on. It feels as if more and more as if we're seeing Draco through Ana's eyes. Subtle things like calling Draco's signature 'elegant' in contrast to Harry's, Maybe I'm just reading into this way too much, but either way I love it.

Also how you slip in the moment we've all be waiting for, the longed for hug, in with one of Ana's ploys for information... that was a moment of evil genius. I do like how you've never neglected the plot and the adventure to prioritise the Romance.

Ana's first impression of Gawain and the bird woman was really well done and very funny. I did wonder if Gawain would be so open and honest in front of Ana about why she's being moved, but I loved her little act of rebellion with the signature.

I love your description of feelings as cumbersome and it's a credit to your characterisation skills that I instantly thought 'that's very Ana.'

Also yay, getting back to Astoria... stuff is about to go down :P

I wasn't entirely sure about Ginny being so cold towards Ana. She always seemed like such a confident and non-jealous person in the books. I mean you'd have to be to maintain a relationship with the saviour of the wizarding world. But I thought that Hermione and Ron were perfectly done. I laughed so hard at the biscuit thing.

So looking forward to the rest of my evening reading on in this story.

Author's Response: That is so sweet of you to say! I hope are able to do so too if that's how you feel about it :)

A tease? Moi? Well, I've never... ;)

Yes! Someone is picking up the (pieces haha I'm hilarious) little details I like to slip in there. I don't want to just say, "Ana's views of Draco are suddenly changing" because I would rather slip in these little things that show she is changing her views, although she's never going to give up on her mission. And although I'm a real sucker for romance, I'd never make it the forefront of my novels, at least not this one. I'm just not a fluffy writer :P

Well, I believe he would because in that kind of a situation, especially if she's being treated as a victim, she would need to know why she is being moved to a different location and Auror. That's just my opinion though.

Poor Ana and her feelings :( I feel bad writing her that way, but doesn't that just add to her? Her complete confusion on how to handle emotions and how she deals with other's emotions I think is what makes her who she is, and I can see you believe that as well :)

Well, you know... if you get to Surreal I think you'll be slightly surprised about Astoria :) Hurry up and read it girl!

I wouldn't say she was cold, more like asserting her dominance. I thought about wolves and their inner workings within their pack, and when a new member comes into the pack, those higher up assert their dominance. Plus, Ana is a pretty girl who gets to spend every waking minute with Harry for a long period of time. Even if she doesn't believe Harry will cheat on her, she will be envious of Ana.

I'm glad you like Hermione and Ron! I had fun writing them, and they were surprisingly easier for me to write than Harry or Ginny or any other character for that matter lol. Even Draco, I feel like I'm losing him a bit.

Anyways, I'm glad you got the chance to stop by and leave a review :) You're helping me out a lot with all of your feedback! Even if it's not CC, you're helping me keep on track with my story and help me remember what is important in it :)

--Mon


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Review #49, by Cannons Accomplishment

24th October 2013:
Hey, here with your requested review!

I liked this chapter a lot especially how you wrote Ron, you made me laugh but I'll get to that in a minute.

I was dismayed to see Anaxandra being so devious with Malfoy and I hope he doesn't get in to trouble for it! Reaching in for the hug whilst stealing a valuable piece of paper...the classic. But I'm glad that she felt something at the end... I think she did right?

I was surprised that she went to Harry's actual home and I fear she may die of hunger. Ginny seems extremely jealous which I guess is natural and hopefully we see a massive argument between the two of them.

I loved how you have shown the four talking as it was believable and it must have been incredibly awkward for her to walk in on that conversation...or not since she doesn't care about anything ;)

Ron's punch bag comment and she's not bad to look at were hilarious!

A great chapter

Cannons

Author's Response: Ron felt like the easier of the canon characters to write, so I was really happy with the way he turned out :)

Of course she felt something! She LO-- I mean.. ahem, yeah, there was something there.

Yeah the reasons for her to go to his own home are going to be in future chapters, and of course Ginny would be jealous with a pretty girl like Ana basically living with her boyfriend. I would be at least, and I'm not that type of girl :P

Thank you for the feedback! :)

--Mon


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Review #50, by toomanycurls Change

24th October 2013:
I thought I reviewed this chapter. I feel a bit bad for getting out of the habit of reviewing this. I am glad you re-requested!

I really love that Draco was waiting for Anaxandra to wake up. It says a lot about his feelings (or flat out devotion to his job but I'm going with the feelings view). I kind of love her healer. The stereotypical healer is all maternal and hover-y. I cracked up at Margaret's change in demeanor as Anaxandra insists that she can sit up.

I'm so mad that Draco was taken off the case!! He was really breaking through with her. I do like that Gawain is holding him accountable to his objectives and that he knows about Draco's activities regarding Anaxandra.

The healer thinking Draco and Anaxandra are a couple made me squee a little. The conversation with the healer and the slow realization seemed to make way with Anaxandra (at least with making her realize her feelings for Draco).

I got a good laugh at Anaxandra's mockery of the werewolf bite excuse. Draco's retort about not being able to say she fell down the stairs was funny but also a bit sad (kind of made me think the Malfoy household had a few 'staircase' incidents). Wait, what, she was so close to letting herself feel emotion for Draco.

Their dialogue regarding him not being assigned to her was great. It was and really brought them back to the awesome banter you've had them do throughout the story.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Ah, yes. Margaret :) I love her as well! I had a fun time writing her.

I'm glad that the chemistry between them has developed well, because that was a major concern of mine. I wanted to try and bring back that banter as well, because they can't get along all the time :P

Thank you for reviewing again! The story has missed you! :)

--Mon



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