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Review #26, by nott theodore The Burrow (Part II)

31st March 2014:
Hello again!

I really loved seeing Albus and Louis's reactions to Rose and her reception of the news that Scorpius was there. The fact that Albus was running away from 'girl' talk made me laugh, because it felt so in character with what we've seen of him so far. I like the fact that Louis was much more comfortable with it, which makes sense with having two sisters and the fact that he seems to get on better with his female cousins than his male ones too. I felt for Albus here - being stuck between friends (and family, in this case) when a relationship ends is not a pleasant experience, and it's clear that he's struggled a bit with that.

Louis is really perceptive, and I like the fact that there's a male character here who does take notice of things, because I think they're not common enough in fanfiction and that's not really a fair portrayal. He and Rose seem to share that quality to some extent, although Louis seems quieter and less confident than his cousin. I felt even more sorry for Albus when I read about him having trouble with James; he has all the bad luck! But having an older sibling making fun of the younger one is definitely believable, even with their ages, because I think siblings are sometimes more competitive than anyone else.

It was great to hear that Rose and Scorpius's relationship wasn't all sunshine and daisies before the June incident (I'm guessing that Scorpius cheated on her, from what's been said so far), because it's a refreshing change. Rose seems to want to portray herself as the innocent victim but she knows her family members know otherwise and it's interesting to see that the relationship was going badly before any incident.

I feel for Rose as a fellow tall(ish) person! Short people like Molly are not helpful for our self esteem!

I loved the family dynamics in this chapter before the meal, as well. You wrote the amount of people there really well, focusing at the right time on the right people so that it wasn't overwhelming to read about the sheer amount of them! I suspect that a few more people in her family knew about her and Scorpius than she initially thought she was telling - in a family like that, I don't imagine all secrets stay secret for very long :P

The conversation between Rose and Albus was lovely, and I think you captured the dynamic between them really well. They've grown up together and know each other really well, and the joking and reactions at different comments helped to show that, too. I still don't trust Scorpius, though.

At the beginning, I think you're missing a word in this sentence: "but and shuffled his sorry feet inside".

Things seemed to escalate quickly with the Quidditch match, but I thought the build-up was very believable as a cause for what happened at the end of the chapter. I love the fact that Ginny and Harry are so perceptive and trying to make sure that Rose is okay, and Ron's defensive attitude of his daughter coming out in the way he refuses to throw Scorpius the Quaffle - it seems like a very Ron thing to do :P

Ah, Weasley is our king/queen! I loved the way that was built up through that section and that the verses changed to reflect what was happening in the game - I suspect Ron might have been very influential in ensuring the survival of that song! It made me laugh that he could be more confident with all of the younger ones as well, you just seem to have his character captured perfectly in this story!

I don't blame Rose for trying to hit Scorpius in this chapter... if you give someone a bat and tell them they can aim things at anyone on the pitch, I'm sure the ex-boyfriend is going to be a favourite target! Although whoever handed her the bat might have made a bad decision. I felt really sorry for poor Matt here - what an introduction to the family!

Rose's overprotectiveness over her purse was understandable, too (although as a slight Brit-pick, I think you might be referring to what we normally call a bag, as purses are normally just for money), because everything that's happened in the day has been getting her riled up and she's stretched to a point where she can't stand it anymore. All of that build up makes her decision to take the potion again, knowing what would happen this time, more believable.

The switch in point of view to Richard was a change that felt very fitting and appropriate for the narrative. It's interesting that he's about sixteen here (if I've remembered right) because he's carrying himself with such authority and that would be unusual for our time. This was actually the part I was most excited for (I've come to this story straight after finishing TKD, so more Richard is much appreciated!) and I loved the way that he arrived for a more relaxing time and I suspect that it won't be that for him!

The way he referred to Agnes was great, since there are vague suspicions of her being a witch but he'd rather not know - quite a sensible decision really, but I'm really intrigued about what his reaction to Rose being a witch will be. Then his reaction to Rose - this is presumably the first time he meets her, and her appearance must have been really shocking for someone who was so used to the strict codes of conduct at the time, and the way that women should behave, as well as the way people should address him. She's very different to anything he's ever known and I'm so intrigued to see how things will develop between them from here!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hola! :)

You are so amazing for leaving me this crazy long and detailed review, thank you so much love! :D

I'm really glad you liked Albus' reactions and how he didn't want to deal with the girl talk. :P In this story Louis is far more passive and understanding while Albus doesn't like having to listen to or deal with conflict. And Albus is in a pretty unfair situation - he kind of has to stay on Rose's good side because she's his cousin, but he knows that Scorpius isn't the only bad guy in the situation.

I agree! Louis is quite sensitive and observant, and I'm really pleased you picked that out and like that about him. James seems to turn out pretty erratic and all over the place in a lot of my stories, based off of how the brothers were in the prologue. I can certainly imagine James giving Albus a hard time and feeling competitive with one another.

Yes, exactly! There will be more on their relationship, but as the story is from Rose's POV it is a little bias for now.

Typo has been fixed! :D

Okay good, I'm really pleased you thought the Quidditch match made sense. It was quite fun to write and felt like a really Weasley thing to do instead of having to talk to each other. :P I agree, I feel like Ron would hold a grudge no matter what, and Ginny especially would try to be understanding but loyal. It's quite fun to write them as adults. I'm really glad you like how I write Ron, he's just hilarious through Rose's POV, and I especially enjoyed Weasley is our King. :P I really couldn't resist it.

Exactly! Hitting him wouldn't be socially acceptable in any other situation, but what's a girl to do? :P Poor Matt, I did find that quite ironic. He'll be more scared to come back the next time than he already was.

Interesting - I've changed it to bag as well. :) Exactly, she's just pushed to the breaking point. She really wants the adventure now, and she's acting spontaneously.

I know, he's so young! Of course, the times were different and forty was considered old age, especially for girls. :P There's lots and lots of fifteenth century and Richard coming back, which I just really love writing. :)

Yes - I felt that Richard has some knowledge of real-world witchcraft, but in the grand scheme of things he has other things to worry about. He does find Rose quite intriguing, though there is more to his understanding of her. Richard cuts her some slack because of this too, but he's certainly got suspicions.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! I loved it! :D ♥


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Review #27, by nott theodore The Burrow (Part I)

31st March 2014:
*snuggles Play the Devil* I've missed this story so much, can I just have a job reading your stories please?!

The detail and thought that you've put into planning and writing this story never ceases to amaze me - I'm sure you'll get bored of me saying that but you've done such a brilliant job of including tiny details in this story that really make the wizarding world come alive, and you're extremely conscious of the changes that have happened between the period of the books and the time of this story, with the next generation of kids growing up.

I love the fact that Molly was the one who has magically fortified the Burrow and has been the one to make sure it still stands - it's a testament to her power as a witch, I think, which isn't shown often enough. And I loved your description of the Burrow as well.

You can definitely tell that Rose is the older sibling - I like the way that she bribed Hugo with Cauldron Cakes (that makes him sound like his father, thinking with his stomach :P) to do something that she didn't want to, but to make sure she got her own way. The details about Floo travel being more expensive - and the later details about the Wizarding European Union (love this!) and the difficulties of international travel - were really brilliant. I love the fact that even though they've got magic, they don't have a solution for everything and there is an effect from the markets on who can afford certain things.

The mentions of Arthur with the beginning effects of dementia were really sad, and they reminded me of your story Grizzled; the fact that you're not ignoring the effects that age can have is really moving, and it's something I don't often see in stories that include older characters - everyone seems to age as well as Dumbledore. It's really heart-breaking to think of Arthur deteriorating like that, and I think the idea of Angelina, Harry and Hermione being the ones to confront and accept the issue is believable since it isn't their father they have to think of - they can be more objective. I liked the humour that you included as well, with the sneaky nod to Draco and Hermione :P

The competition between all the different cousins (or some of them, anyway) makes sense to me - I think with the personalities as you've described them, and the closeness in ages and things like that, they're likely to feel some competition between the different cousins. Another aspect which is great is the fact that different cousins have different relationships with each other, and some are closer than others.

It was great getting the background on them all; Slytherin Lucy sounded sneaky even before I got to the end of this chapter! And I can't wait to meet Dom and Steak - that's such an hilarious name! She sounds like a really funny character.

I really like the relationship between Louis and Rose and their easy friendship, as well as Albus coming in and being afraid to tell Rose the bad news about what had happened. Roxy seemed like a really vivacious girl, and I'm impressed with how brave she was to travel alone like that when she's still quite young. I imagine that she might have some adventures in the future!

The background about the Malfoys was really interesting, too, and it was good to find out more about how Rose and Scorpius ended up coming together, in spite of all the enmity between the two families. It makes sense to me that the families weren't friends but had to some extent agreed to live peacefully and generally stayed out of each other's way - the point about Ron disliking Malfoy more for his slurs on Hermione than anything else rings really true for me.

I'm so curious about the incident in June with Scorpius and I hope we get to find out what happened soon. I'm also intrigued about why on earth he's turned up to the Burrow to crash the family gathering (not cool at all, Scorpius!) - and with Lucy... And we get to see Richard again!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so excited about these reviews, thank you! :D I always love hearing your thoughts on this story.

I'm so pleased to hear you like the little details and background - I do love writing those parts so it's great to hear you notice it all. :) I find the development of the wizarding world so interesting and really enjoy writing about it.

Yes! I love Molly, and feel like she and Arthur were a formidable team who worked really hard in building their home. I was really excited to write a scene at the Burrow because the whole clan is just so fun.

Haha, Rose drags Hugo into her schemes quite often, and they definitely have one another's back. And that's just how I feel about things like Floo and Apparating - it's just way too easy, and I feel obliged in stories like this to make that more complicated, and Floo being expensive is one way that can work.

Dementia is a theme which shows up in a lot of my stories, and I like to include some mention of eldercare and the challenges of having an ageing family member as it's something which is very familiar to me. I'm really pleased you liked that part and thought it was interesting. I agree - I felt like Ron especially would refuse to accept the fact that his parents weren't young and healthy anymore. Hehe, I just couldn't resist the Dramione mention.

I agree about the cousins, and it's way more fun to write with some conflict between the family members. I feel like the Weasley cousins would be exposed to one another more than some families because they did all go to the same school, so there would be bound to be some drama.

Dominique and Steak are worming their way into my other stories as well! They're just hilarious. :P

I'm really glad you like Rose's relationships with the guys. And yes, Roxy in this story is very brave and confident - just a lovely person really.

I'm glad you like all the information about the Malfoys - it dragged on a little, but I felt like it was important to explain the context of Rose and Scorpius getting together. Aw, I'm so glad you liked that detail about Ron defending Hermione - Ron's such a defensive person, and I felt he really adored Hermione and would get angry when somebody turned against her - even though he's not always the nicest to her.

I promise to reveal the story... someday. :P It's definitely written, though might not be posted for a little while. Yeah, he's sort of shoving his way in right now. And Richard! More of him coming, yay! :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review, dear! ♥


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Review #28, by Aphoride Rose

29th March 2014:
Hey there - ah, I'm so excited to come back to this story! I was torn between this one and your Pied Piper story, but I chose this one in the end, since I'd already started reading/reviewing it :P

I love the information about her job and how she didn't do as well as expected in exams and feels so much pressure to live up to her mother - at least, that's what I got from it. It's so easy, I think, to forget that they'd have grown up with their parents' reputations over their heads, and that it's a lot to bear as a kid. It's an interesting characterisation of Rose, too - and not one I've seen very often so I like it! :)

Mahaha, yeah summer jobs aren't usually great! Poor Rose... though, ooh, the time turner article in the newspaper... how she goes back in time? And the skull, I'm guessing, is Richard? Aww, love at first sight - not! :P

Hermione and Ron are just so brilliantly characterised, as well. I love how Ron's content to work a fairly boring, low-level Auror job, because it's a change after the war, whereas Hermione likes to be busy and has a high-flying career and all. It's so typical, and really nice to see Ron not quite Harry's second-in-command and things. It works so well with their characters! And Ron blowing up the coffee maker was hilarious!

I loved the last scene so much - with Richard. I love how you explained his character, and didn't tell us who he was immediately, but let us work it out and gradually come to realise his identity. It was such a clever way to do it! I love the details you've put in here, too - with mentioning his brothers, and English legends he was told as a child and things, because they're such great period details! So far, he seems like a pretty nice guy :P And I like how you haven't portrayed him as openly evil or ugly or anything like that... it's interesting and I'm so curious to see how he develops through this.

Speaking of details, all your details, really, in this are beautiful. There's so much in this, but it doesn't overwhelm the plot or the pace or bog it down, you know - somehow you manage to find that perfect balance! :)

I'm so excited with this story - I've missed it, strangely - and I really, really want to read on! Hopefully I'll be back soon! ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, well I'm glad you chose this one! :D I really love getting your feedback on it!

I'm so glad you liked the portrayal of Rose as a bit of an underachiever and not living up to what her mother wants for her. Rose is very much her own person and not a copy of either of her parents, and she makes a lot of mistakes sometimes. Also, she is only eighteen and to enter the workforce and find a career at that age would be quite a lot to ask, and Rose isn't quite as ambitious as her mother would like - this only makes me like her more, however. :P

Haha, agreed! Hmm, interesting guess - it certainly has something to do with her adventures. I love reading people's reactions to the skull, it's so creepy but kind of cool at the same time. She definitely wasn't bowled over by his good looks this first time around! :P

Okay, it's so nice to hear you like how I wrote the parents. They intimidate me, and I don't think I could do them justice in Hogwarts-era. Hermione especially is based on my own mum since they have very similar personalities in some ways. I never imagined Ron or Harry for that matter being particularly ambitious or dedicated to boring work in the way Hermione is, so I'm glad you like him here. :)

Richard! Thank you, I'm pleased you liked how he was introduced. I really like working on the period details and how superstitious the people would have been. I'm excited for you to see him grow and change - he's one of those characters I just love to explore and see how people react to him.

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that - I sometimes get a bit too heavy-handed with detail and description so it's lovely to get such positive feedback.

Thank you so much for the amazing review! :D


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Review #29, by Penelope Inkwell The Burrow (Part II)

20th March 2014:
“Albus looked uncomfortable: he and Scorpius had actually been quite chummy during the year and a half we were together, and the pair had often spent time on their own when I wasn’t around.“
--Poor Albus. Oh, the awkwardness when we make friends with our family/friends’ significant others, only to be in really uncomfortable straits when they break up.

Louis is very observant. I like how you really built that trait in him up over several chapters, though, before just announcing it here and then adding in mentions of his observant-ness from here on out. I felt like I’ve noticed it about him before. What I’m saying is, a lot of writers use these moments as a sort of crutch to describe the key characteristics of their characters, but you didn’t. It was already there. And that’s good writing.

“But don’t you think you’d prefer to be polite, and calm and relaxed, and not let him ruin this glorious night with your beloved extended family?”
--Excellent advice, Louis darling, but why do I have a feeling that it isn’t exactly going to work out that way?

“He had opinions about the break-up which I refused to hear about: opinions that maybe Scorpius had dealt the final blow, but that we had been fighting and acting immature for months; that I wasn’t always the nicest girlfriend either. But Scorpius had lost his right to pity after what he did, and my cousins – well, at least these two cousins – were obligated to see my side and my side alone.”
--I’m assuming that he cheated? That seems the direction that this is all going. But I like that, deep down, she knows that even though what he did was worse, the problems in their relationship were a two-way street. It’s a nice change-up from the “spotless victim” coming out of a breakup.

“Part of my irritation towards Molly was that she was so bloody short: being around short people made me feel hulking and awkward.”
--Hahaha, Rose, the teller of the truths we never want to admit! I’m not even tall. Probably slightly below average height. But I know that when I’m with my tinier friends, I feel like I’m some sort of behemoth, so I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be truly tall and feel that all the time. And then, taller people make me feel 5 years old. We just can’t win--none of us, huh?

“The rest of George’s siblings had been called into the kitchen to help Nan prepare supper: apparently, she didn’t trust her fifth son around hot things or around other people’s meals. “
--Another detail that I love. Smart woman, that Molly Weasley.

-“Albus stared at my enviously. “I wish I could do that.”
-“What? Be an expert in classes you aren’t even enrolled in?”
-He scowled. “No. Raise one eyebrow at a time.”

--Hahahaha. Love this exchange. I spent years trying to learn how to raise one eyebrow because my older brother can do it so well. That’s probably the most exercised muscle in my entire body, just from all the time I spent as a child trying to get it right ;) Sigh. He’s still way better at it.

I really like Rose and Al’s dynamic. They’re snarky and sassy and it’s cute.

Yay! Quidditch! And good work with the songs. They made me smile, especially Rose’s.

Oh, poor Rose. Of course, she did handle that poorly, but I think I can understand why. I mean, if you gave me a stick and told me I could hit projectiles in the direction of an ex-boyfriend who had hurt me like that, could I resist? Probably not. In fact, my family would probably be shocked at my sudden development of athletic prowess. At least she didn’t put Scorpius in traction at St. Mungo’s right? Poor Matt, though. Welcome to the fam!

And yay! Run from your problems by escaping into the past, which is probably illegal per both the government and the laws of space and time! But it’s so romantic.
...perhaps...I should not be giving Rose this advice. But I really want her to see Richard again! A little bending of the laws of space and time never hurt anyone. Or, at least, it was never proven to.

Oh, poor Richard, too. He’s been through such awful things. It’s nice to see his devotion to the king (his cousin, right?). But his brother sounds like he could be a bit of a problem. My War of the Roses knowledge is a little bit rusty, and I don’t want to go and look it up, because spoilers. Really, really old spoilers!

Woah, how did Rose met that old woman? Is she a witch, too? She’s got “strange powers” and all. 

Richard! Ugh. Poor choice. You’d better be back, mister. When someone travels across hundreds of years to pay you a visit, you owe them some courtesy, sir!

Well, I suppose he has just been on a rather long journey. I get tired when I travel, too, and I don’t usually do it by horse. So there’s that. Still, I’m hoping to get a bit more Richard-Rose togetherness time in the next chapter!


CC:
“At the mention of self-esteem I saw Al take a little step back as if it was too much for him to handle.”
--Not sure I totally get this statement? It’s not, like, tampons. Why is a self-esteem discussion something that makes Al want to scurry?


“But I was first accosted by Auntie Angelina, who was lovely at the worst of times and wanted to hear all about my job and how I was getting on with Hazlehurst, who she said she’d known at school with an amused grin on her face. “
--You might consider rearranging this sentence and not putting the “with an amused grin on her face” at the tail end, just because it kind of makes the sentence’s meaning murkier. Does that make sense? It’s not like it’s unclear what it means, but I did have to read it twice. However, once again, we’re getting into super picky territory. I’m always in super picky territory with your stories, because they’re so well-written.


Another excellent chapter. SO excited to see what awaits these two! I must gain this knowledge, posthaste! Love it love it love it!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ah, I know! Especially since they were in the same year, I imagined things would get quite awkward. And also, while Rose villian-izes (no idea if that's actually a word, oh well :P) Scorpius, he's definitely not the only one at fault here, and Albus is sort of aware of that.

Thank you! :) I'm so glad you noticed that, and it's certainly a trait that Louis and Rose share. I imagine Louis as being usually rather perceptive as well, though he didn't really catch on to what was going on between Rose and Archie. And haha, despite this it doesn't mean Rose will take his advice of course. :P

Yes! Even though Rose acts like Scorpius is the bad guy, so to speak, she's not entirely innocent either. It gets revealed a little more in future chapters, but I did try to put in more hints about how Rose wasn't always the nicest to Scorpius either. My philosophy on this is that people like them don't do bad things completely out of the blue.

None of us can win! :P That was a little insensitive of Rose to say, but it's the kind of thing she would worry about and that I think a lot of us tall-ish folk have to think about. But yes, being short would have its effects as well!

Haha, I imagine that George as an adult wouldn't be too different from George as a young man. :P

Haha! I totally agree, I wish I could raise one eyebrow flawlessly. It's a wicked skill. I can sort of do it if I concentrate really hard, but I agree, it's the sort of thing which is very enviable.

I'm glad you like Al and Rose! I imagine them being best friends from the cradle and having an almost brother-sister relationship as well as being best friends. The Quidditch songs were so fun to write - I wasn't sure if they really fit the chapter but honestly couldn't resist. I will never forgive that they weren't in the movies - though there might have been a deleted scene, hmm.

I agree! And the bad thing about being a Beater is that you're supposed to be hitting Bludgers at the other team, so she can get away with it for a little while. And hahaha, the Matt moment sort of made me cringe to be honest. The poor guy - he's actually pretty nice!

Hehe, well I needed to get her back into the past somehow, and it's the sort of impulsive decision she makes when she's annoyed and upset and not really thinking. :) I'm glad you're rooting for her to get there, despite it being illegal! And well... it's only the beginning, so if there are consequences, Rose won't realize them for a long time.

Can I just say I love how you don't want to look up history because history is spoilers? :P Hehe. I'll just explain that part quickly in case you didn't look it up though - he has two brothers, his eldest one is the current king and the one he seems to rather worship. :) His other brother is also older but is a bit of a troublemaker. :)

I agree, traveling from London on horseback would be exhausting! To be fair, he does have to do that all the time so he really shouldn't be complaining that much. Right now he's sort of being a jerk and assuming that she's a peasant and he doesn't need to waste time on her - people were just lovely back in those days! But he might come around, we'll see. :P

Thanks so much for pointing those out, I've just gone and clarified/fixed them.:)

Thanks so much for the lovely reviews, darling! :) I really appreciate each of them and you're always so thoughtful and detailed. Thank you! ♥


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Review #30, by Penelope Inkwell The Burrow (Part I)

20th March 2014:
"Floo powder used to travel to other locations was quite pricey and Mum insisted we only use it in emergencies, grumbling about inflation and unnecessary spending. “
--You’ve really thought through a lot of details of wizarding government and economics, haven’t you? I’ve never really thought about the price of Floo powder, though it does make sense that it would be pricey. Then again, these people don’t have to pay for gasoline. Don’t come crying to me, wizards with your easy, emission-free transportation. But there was a bit about housing stuff in the last chapter. How did you become interested in thinking out all those details? How fascinating.

Glad to hear that Dudley’s children apparently turned out alright!

How very sad about Mr. Weasley. I’ve a good bit of experience with dementia, and it’s really one of the worst challenges that can face a family. It makes me sad to think of him that way, but I do like how very real you’ve made this family. They face the same sort of problems that we all do. Magic doesn’t always mean a quick fix, and that helps Rose to be more of a sympathetic character. Sure, there are wonders in her life, but she’s also a pretty normal girl.

"Dominique was a wild-card: nobody knew when she would show up and with which beard-sporting, guitar-case carrying boyfriend in tow with odd names like Sven and Jangles and Steak. Yes, “Steak.”
--Oh my gosh, dying. These details--these are the ones that kill me! Now that I think on it, it’s a miracle that no one in my family married someone named along those same lines. I’m pretty sure some of them came close.

“Oh, lau it,”
--Haven’t heard that one. Where does that come from?

LOVE the little details in this, like Nearly Headless Nick lying for Rose’s sake (that seems very him), and that Hagrid’s next dog was named Molar (please tell me his litter included a “Canine" and “Incisor”?) And IS HE CHEWING ON THE TRANSFIGURED BODY OF BARTY CROUCH SR.?!

Scorpius, you do NOT crash your ex-girlfriend’s family party at her family’s house. It just isn’t done. Isn’t there some sort of wizarding Emily Post to warn you off of these situations? You should know better.


CC:

I don’t have anything specific, like misspellings or words in the wrong place. If I had to give something, it would be that this chapter is a little bit slow. There’s a lot of background information, much of which is necessary, and I liked learning what the family was up to. But, just for pacing, it might be worth considering to cut out a short anecdote or two. Maybe cutting down the Malfoys background section, for instance? This whole critique is getting quite picky, of course, because the chapter is well-written. But if you WANT to be really picky, that would be my best suggestion to improve this chapter.

It was fun to hear all the background, though. Perhaps instead of cutting things, a few little descriptions/anecdotes could just be moved to different parts of the story, instead of having a whole chapter that is basically devoted to exposition.

Once again, it’s a good chapter. This is just the whole, “If I had to find one thing to polish, this would be it,” sort of thing. I had a lot of fun reading it, and I’m really impressed with how much detail you’ve given the backstory here. You’ve really thought through everyone in the family, which is, like, super impressive, because there are 10 million and 2 people in the Weasley family. Your ability to keep all that straight and introduce it in an organized fashion is impressive :D

Looking forward to Rose time traveling soon, since Richard is going to have a strange visitor!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, sorry for taking so long in replying to your amazing review - life has been crazy. :(

I'm so happy that you noticed that and liked it! In scenes like this I end up venting my concerns about how easy it is to be a wizard with transportation and possibly not having to pay Muggle taxes and things, so I try to make it as difficult for them as possible. :P If Floo powder was that easy and cheap, then why would they even bother using a car ever, so it makes sense to give some disadvantages to it and Apparition. And yeah, they don't have to deal with petrol, that is so true!

Aw, yeah! I'd love to read/write a story about how the next generation of Dursleys turned out sometime.

I'm pleased you found Arthur's dementia something which felt realistic in the family. I have experience with it on both sides of my family and it really affects so many people, and I think it adds a more serious dimension into the family. Rose is quite normal, and I'm glad you think so!

Hahaha, after writing this I decided I love Dominique and Steak so much that they leaked into my Louis-centered story as well! :P Which isn't otherwise connected... ah well.

When I lived in England a few years ago they would say "lau it" as sort of meaning "oh, forget it" or "nevermind." I'm not sure if they say it in other regions but I thought it was a good way of expressing themselves - sometimes I'll throw it into conversation here in Canada, but the Canadians are just confused.

Yes, Nick was quite fond of Rose... :). And Molar! Hahah, those are excellent names for adorable little boarhound puppies. Now I can't stop thinking of weird dog names to do with teeth. And ew about the Barty's bone thing, well... presumably it might still be there... :P

Scorpius... yeah, occasional recklessness is something he shares with Rose. :P

That's such a good point about these chapters, I definitely got a bit carried away with the background. Description and context is my Achilles heel. :P Hmm, it might be a bit late for this chapter but I'll see what I can do, and keep that in mind. I know that Chapter 21 has a big chunk of backstory, but it's sort of relevant, but I'll see what I can do. :) Thanks so much for pointing that out!

Thank you for the awesome review! :D


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Review #31, by Penelope Inkwell Barnard Castle

20th March 2014:
Jeeennna! I love this story! Sorry if it’s slow going, but I’m going to review every chapter if it kills me. Hah!


" Once again, he began to quietly hate cursed magic, which haunted the nightmares of his childhood. The witch. He loathed magic for bringing him Rose and taking her away from him. Like a knight and faerie lady in a romance of King Arthur, they could never belong to the same world, be entirely as one. Magic brought him peace, yet snatched it away with the fleeting sweet smell of her hair lingering upon his skin.”
--this is beautiful. Well, really, all your sections of this type are lovely, but I love how careful the balance of your word choice is here. I can really feel the tension: how grateful he is to know Rose, and how much he curses his fate for giving her to him only to take her away. He seems to be struggling with the whole, “better to have loved and lost” thing here, and the way you do it is lovely, I think.

I like the way you depict Rose’s reaction to what’s happened. For a moment, I was like, “Doesn’t she want to go home? Sort things out? Why stay where she’s going to have to put on an act?” But then, when I thought about it, it seemed like such a very human response. She doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t want to have to sort it out yet. It’s terrifying, and she wants to put off questioning it and be with people that make her feel safe. And I think that makes a lot of sense.

Maude seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I can see why she’s a crucial part of their little group. I’ve heard so much about her that I’m quite happy to finally meet her. Also, am I picking up that she’s gay? Good on you for writing diverse characters. That’s the one thing about HP. There is Dumbledore, of course, which is alluded to, and of course there ARE PoC characters (the Patels, Shacklebolt, Dean Thomas, Angelina), but they play very peripheral roles. And in fanfic we have a bit more freedom, I suppose, so it’s good to see all sorts of people being represented!

Cecelia is really growing on me, too. I feel like things could never be all that boring, so long as you were friends with her. But the poor girl really does attract some...interesting characters.

Cecelia and Atticus Voltaire Smith are CRACKING ME UP! You paint him so perfectly, I can just see it now. I’ve never known anyone just like that, but I FEEL like I have. Also, making his last name “Smith” and the whole “PaPA’s yearly salary” bit? Bahaha. He’s so horrible and hilarious at the same time.

What is Richard going to do? Oh my gosh! The waiting is going to drive me mad, isn’t it? Richard, don’t do it!


No CC for you this time. It’s another great chapter, and while I throw it in there as a rule, there’s no point searching up problems when I didn’t notice any. Good work! Loving this story!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny! :)

Ah, you spoil me! Please don't feel you have to review every chapter! I've really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the story, no matter when they arrive. :)

Thank you! I really love writing Richard's thought patterns and the way he sees the world at this point. Yes! He is just like that, and part of his problem is that he usually sees the world in quite binary terms of right and wrong, loyalty and disloyalty. So his conflicted feelings for Rose are all the more difficult to negotiate.

Yes, I imagined that Rose is a little confused and shocked, and being around her friends helps both distract her from it and give her time to process what was going on. I think, too, that she's a little afraid to be alone at a time like this - I would be, at least. :)

I'm really glad you liked Maude! :) She's the more level-headed one of the three but definitely has a mischievous side as well. She is gay! I've been trying to include at least one main or secondary character in a lot of my stories who is gay or part of a minority as it just feels more realistic. And I agree about HP, it's too bad that at least one main character who represents a different group, but what can you do.

Haha, I agree about Cecelia! She's fun, but can be a little overwhelming. And Atticus Voltaire, hahaha. I honestly googled "pretentious names" or something and that was the name which came up and I fell in love. Characters like that are so fun even if real people like that aren't so much. :P He is a bit of a caricature but he'll be popping in and out every so often.

Hehe, this is the thing about time travel, evil author can make the readers wait forever to fill in the pieces. :P

Thanks so much for the amazing reviews! ♥ I really appreciate your thoughts and feedback on this story, and I'm very excited that you're enjoying it! :)


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Review #32, by marauderfan Fotheringay

18th March 2014:
Great chapter! So there wasn't a lot of action but you more than made up for it with the amount of detail in building this historical world. Seriously, I love your descriptions and attention to detail, it makes this story so rich.

I love that you didn't shy away from describing the poor hygeine of the 1400s and Rose's kind of uncomfortsble reaction to it,as she's used to the much cleaner 21st century. Haha... Agnes.

Omg. I love Hermione's views on Christianity. The bit about Rose sitting in church while her knees hurt as she kneels at mass, and imagines Jesus judging her for inappropriate thoughts and wondering if the people next to her know. I was giggling. I'm glad I'm not the only person who inexplicably wonders if people around me can read my mind when I'm thinking inappropriate things.. lol. (Though you may want to fix the wording of that sentence, it has a couple extra words in it: Often, I found find quite inappropriate thoughts float into my head,  )

The baron… the baron Ronald, who lives in some obscure land to the south which is rarely visited by anyone and which is a very unpleasant place to live- I wouldn’t recommend investigating further.”  -- WHAT LOL. DYING. XD Good one Rose, really subtle.How did he fall for that?

The scene with Ellyn was cute, its nice they were able to have some girl talk, though sad that Ellyn's lot in life probably won't amount to much as she's a woman in the serving class. :(

I love the angry monk story, btw. Ooh,I'm excited to see how this banquet goes. Given Rose's really non-suspicious lying so far... I think it won't go super well. Awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so glad you liked this and all the descriptions! This was another one of those chapters which just didn't want to end, haha.

Yes! Haha, I've read some time travel stories which just don't touch on hygiene and privacy standards at all, but if I were Rose that would really be on my mind. Hahaha...

I'm really happy you liked the religion references! Hehe, I totally relate to that as well, especially in such a quiet place. :P And then thinking about people reading my mind makes me think inappropriate things that I wouldn't have been thinking if I weren't paranoid... it's a vicious cycle. Thank god Legilimency isn't real. :P

Aha, I shall go and fix it once I'm done responding. :)

Richard is being way too non-suspicious of Rose because he likes her, though in those days there was no Internet of course and since they're in a rural area she can trick him a little.

Aw, I know. :( Poor Ellyn, she really doesn't have much of a chance. Rose's interactions with her were quite interesting to write as they're so different yet Rose finds that she can talk to Ellyn in ways that she can't with others in the 15th century.

Angry monks! I re-read that when I was posting this and was just laughing so hard that I'd actually put it in, I'm glad you liked it. :P Thanks so much for the awesome review, and I can't wait to post the next chapter!! :)


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Review #33, by patronus_charm Fotheringay

17th March 2014:
I loved how Rose could still be so calm and normal about the situation, especially in regards to the toilet, because if it was me I would be freaking out big time! I really liked how you included all those thoughts about her friends as it drew her closer to me as a reader and made me understand what she was missing by being in the past with Richard. You also captured this lovely spirit about her with the way she sort of bounded around and had all of this energy and I really loved that.

The aspect of religion was explored really well here and I really enjoyed reading it. It was so funny seeing a modern person going through all these elaborate rituals because to the people in those times, but just seeing Rose there highlighted how arduous it all was and how much times have changed. Then Hermione’s standpoint made me laugh at lot because it just seemed so her with the way she always looked for logical and never something more, it was just nice to see her characterisation shine through there.

Aw, Rose’s conversation with Richard was so awkward yet so adorable at the same time. He’s so considerate and sweet, in fact, when I think of their relationship I imagine it to be like what he had with Elizabeth of York, this sort of forbidden love you can’t but have. I loved how Rose just made up a title for herself and made Ron a baron, I bet he would love to that! Gah, I have so many questions if the Earl of Warwick is going to feature in this, is Richard going to marry Anne? Then his thing with Elizabeth, what’s happening with that? I’m hoping nothing is the answer because he and Rose are so sweet!

I loved her sort of heart to heart with Ellyn, it’s really nice to see that she’s beginning to have some friends there (now I feel as if I’m Rose’s mother :P). Aw, and she has a crush of George, I guess he always had that bad boy feel for him so I could see why she would. I really can’t wait to see how the banquet goes because I’m feeling something big might be about to happen!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Me too! Rose is used to luxury - anything is more luxurious than this, to be honest - but I decided that she had to sort of accept it or else blow her cover and make a big scene. :P Haha I'm really glad you liked hearing about her friends and her thoughts about being there. She's so much fun to write and in this chapter she's sort of sneaking around and biting her tongue and holding back while going slightly crazy with confusion and the need to brush her teeth, so it was quite fun to write. :P

Thank you! Talking about religion and superstition and how it would appear to somebody like Rose was one of the things I was most excited for with this story. I agree with her, it would feel so pointless if she wasn't getting anything out of all the praying. Haha, Hermione here is in most ways a reincarnation of my own mom, and that is just something my mom would say. :P

Yes! He is really nice to her, in his way. He really has no idea how to interact with women especially mysterious ones like Rose - he knows there is something suspicious about her but is ignoring it for now. Ron would totally love to be a baron! Hehe, well you'll just have to wait and find out - it is as much as possible going to follow historical canon (or fact?). The Anne thing and the Elizabeth of York thing are a little problematic in terms of TOS but I have a plan to work around it, sort of. :)

Haha! Aw, yeah I really like Ellyn, she's so sweet and innocent. Yes, the George thing might pose some problems for her. There is something big which happens at the banquet, though it is a little subtle and I'm quite excited to see if people notice it! :D And that's all I can say for now but I'm really excited to put the next chapter up.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! :D


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Review #34, by marauderfan Richard

11th March 2014:
Hi Jenna! Ah, I'm sorry it's taken me ages to get here and read this marvellous chapter. But anyway. Yay! I love the background on Richard in this one, from his perspective, and all the information about the kingdoms and his brother - I just love the attention to history and the wonderful spin you put on it. Your style of writing, with your vivid descriptions and wonderful characters, really makes history come to life.

So she lost the potion. That's definitely going to cause some problems later. I have a feeling she'll be around in the past for a while this time...

I loved the discussion between Rose and Richard in the field. Rose is able to get away with quite a lot, in terms of her colloquial speaking, being very forward and free! It might cause problems ifshe decides to stay at the castle, no matter how hard she tries not to embarrass him. But I think she's in for a rude awakening when she finds out what life is like for most women in that century (especially given her history with Scorpius, and what Richard said - or rather didn't say - about gender roles  in the 1400s). I don't think Rose will like it. I certainly wouldn't!

Ooh, and I'm really curious to know the story with Scorpius. Something tells me it's much more than she let on. I hope we find out soon. Speaking of things I want to find out and still haven't forgotten about, I am still curious about the pigeon incident! :p

This was another fantastic chapter - keep up the great work. :)

Author's Response: Hi Kristin! :)

Not at all! I'm just glad you're still reading this story, it makes me so happy to get your lovely thoughts on it. I'm pleased you liked hearing from Richard - it's funny, when I first starting writing this I had no idea I was going to slip into his point of view so frequently, but it's quite fun. Wow, thank you! :) I'm so pleased you think history is being brought to life! :D

Haha yes, more about the potion later! :P And she's definitely here for longer than a few hours this time.

Yes! Rose is going to get into trouble, and she's very differently minded from the people in the past. And she's going to have some difficulty reconciling herself to the treatment of women as well. Richard is quite fascinated by her, so she gets away with it a little, but he has his darker, masochist side too, inevitably. I wouldn't like it either!

Hehe, I promise to tell more about Scorpius (in fact, there's a whole half-a-chapter dedicated to their saga!). And the pigeon incident! Gah, there's never the perfect time to introduce it. I promise not to hold out forever however. :P

Thanks so much for the lovely review! ♥ I just put the next chapter into the queue - this story is just so fun to write and update. :)


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Review #35, by ShadowRose Prologue

7th March 2014:
Hello, I'm here for Blackout Bingo!

I was scrolling through your Author's Page, and the phrase "War of the Roses" caught my eye, and the history nerd in me positively died. I've read far too many books on that time period, so I was really excited to see a fanfiction story that centers around that era.

I could go on for days and days about how much I adore your writing style, and all its eloquence, but that's probably a waste of space, and I know you probably already know how amazing your description and voice is throughout your work. I absolutely adore the changes in perspective here - particularly the part at the beginning, where you've personified time, and show how the story plays out through meddling with time, and how Time extracts its revenge. The quilt metaphor was absolutely brilliant as well, and I loved reading that part.

It's really powerful that Rose is basically dying as a punishment for her meddling in time, yet, she doesn't regret it. Clearly, there's some strong attachment between her and Richard, because she's willing to die for the time she spent with him. On the other hand, I think you've also showed that with Richard as well. His wife definitely has that overbearing, superior attitude, and I can see why he might have gone after Rose despite being married - their marriage certainly isn't a happy one. I'm actually really excited to see how you play with his character, because Richard's often thought of as the villain, so it'll be interesting to see how you adapt his character here.

Gah, I'm only like 2500 words in and I'm obsessed. From the start, you've woven such an intricate and powerful story and I really can't wait to read more whenever I get the chance.

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi Taylor! :)

Yay for history nerds! :D I'm always excited when somebody who loves history stumbles upon this story and gives me their opinion. It's such a fascinating time and a lot of fun to write in.

Aw, thank you! :) You're so sweet, I really appreciate all your lovely comments. I'm glad you liked the changes - I played around with this chapter quite a bit and there was this whole other scene which just got cut completely, so it's great to get positive feedback. I'm pleased you liked the quilt metaphor as well, it was a fun way to think about time.

Yes! It's quite complicated, but she is basically being punished and things have gone very wrong. She's also really not in her right mind at the moment due to the sickness and her desperation. I'm glad you weren't a big fan of his wife as well - she is a bit of a villain but never really stands a chance against Rose. I'm glad you're excited to see him change from villain to more anti-hero, I think, as he keeps some of his dark history.

I'm so pleased you liked this, this review was just beautiful! ♥ Thank you so much!


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Review #36, by Penelope Inkwell Hunt

3rd March 2014:
So, I loved this chapter. Unsurprising. First interaction between Rose and Richard! And it was so heart-rendingly short! That’s the last time he saw her? My heart!

I ship them so hard already, and I’ve seen them together for like 20 seconds.

You do a lovely job with working in the speech differences. Richard is understandable, but obviously from a different time, so good job with that! I feel like it’d be hard to get it just right, but you’ve done it.

Have I mentioned how much I like this incarnation of Rose? She grows on me more and more every chapter. I like how you’ve made her a sort of every-girl. And I don’t mean that like the dreaded “Mary Sue” term. I just mean that, despite her famous family and brilliant mother and all, she’s fairly normal. Endearingly flawed. It’s a different depiction from what I usually see, and I like how you’ve done it.


CC:
Really, it’s all just little spelling/word choice details. I have nothing to critique in terms of content. :)

"it’s comforting and familiar weight”
--“it’s" ought to be "its”

"for it dug its long heels into the ground.”
--I read “long heels” and think of a rabbit or a hare. It doesn’t seem like a very horse-like movement/description. Maybe, “dug its hooves into the ground,”?

"How now, Rose, how I am supposed to proceed to quite uncertain.”
--I didn’t quite understand that sentence. But maybe that’s just me.

"Some of them I was perfectly fine pushing away, especially if their breath tasted of sick or whiskey (indeed, the latter was likely to induce the second on my own part)”
--This sentence structure seems a little wonky. Specifically, “The latter was likely to produce the second on my own part”. Following back, that would be, “[Whiskey] was likely to produce [whiskey] on my own part,” or at least that’s how it seemed to me. I thought you were maybe saying that if their breath tasted of sick, Rose might end up sick herself (a very relatable sentiment!), but I had some trouble understanding the sentence.

"was missing a tooth fan back in his mouth,”
--Is “fan” supposed to be “far”?

Anyway, so that’s all the nitpicky little things. But yeah, this chapter was excellent. I want more Richard and Rose! When can that be a thing that happens? Also, nice job creating chemistry between people who, from our perspective at this point...don’t know each other. That was a well written kiss, especially between strangers (I know that he knows her, but you know what I mean? Usually, by the time characters kiss, the audience has been waiting for it so long, it’s automatically a good scene. Since we haven’t been waiting in the same way, you had to work harder, and I think you pulled it off excellently! It was romantic and smoldery without being too much, considering the strangers thing). I read this chapter this morning and have been looking forward to getting back and reading more all day. I’m definitely hooked, and this story has officially been added to my Favorites list!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hola! :)

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! And yes, it is the first and last interaction in the past in a way, haha. It made me sad to write about it too, poor Richard! Hehe, I'm glad you're shipping them!

The speech differences are so tricky! I've been playing around with them quite a bit throughout the story so I'm really excited you thought they were well done. It's not quite authentic, but hopefully enough to show how they would sound differently to one another.

I'm really glad you like Rose! She's quite fun to write and her character feels very real to me, so I'm glad you feel that way. She has a lot of flaws, of course, but who doesn't?

Thanks so much, I've gone through and fixed those. :D I really should get a beta for this. :P

I'm glad you like them, and it will be a thing... eventually. :P I'm pleased you liked the way the kiss was written as well as it can be hard to write a good one! The timeline of this story is all messed up, which does make things like that more challenging so I'm really excited you liked the romanticness and strangeness. :)

Thanks so much for the amazing review, dear! ♥ It really means a lot that you're liking the story and taking the time to leave these lovely comments!


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Review #37, by patronus_charm Richard

28th February 2014:
*slides in pretending it hasn’t taken her an age to get here*

Ah, I adored this chapter – it was so cute and so many feels. I think it was the fact that this was from Richard’s POV which made me enjoy it so much because though we have seen him in bits, we really got to know him and his character here and how he could end up with Rose. I loved learning more about his family, because it was fun seeing these characters in somewhere other than PG’s books. I think my favourite bit was how Richard thought about Edward talking about Elizabeth because I guess Rose is his version of her as they have this ethereal quality and they’re rather different. I really want the two of them to meet so badly!

We got to know more about his childhood too with the softer mentions with his sister Margaret and how his whole family affected him and it was nice to see some positive points about them for once :P The thoughts about the stories from Agnes were especially lovely as we can see how much she affected him and I can’t wait to see the two of them interact some more.

Hehe I loved all the talk about Rose’s station and Richard wanting to know more about her background as it can only lead to good things, namely more developments on the romance side of things for the pair of them. I think the fact that he was glad that Rose had run away from her betrothed was the most squee worthy piece out of the entire chapter because it was so cute and yeah I can’t wait for them to be together even if they sort have been in the future of the past :P

Ooh one another small thing, I loved how you hinted at possible tension between Rose and Scorpius and how they had history and I can’t wait to find out more about the cause and reason for that. Well even if you hinted at a possible cheating going there I just want to know more. Also, Richard’s comments about infidelity made me laugh a lot because it’s nice to know that the respect for women has grown over the years!

Such a great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D

Not at all! I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, I've been so busy with the battle. :P

Thank you! :) I'm really glad you liked it as I was a little uncertain about it. I started writing this chapter from Rose's perspective, but really wanted to get into Richard's head a little, and I'm glad you like him. I hope you like my interpretations of them! I'm trying to steer clear of PG's portrayals and base them off historical information, but of course that's what she did as well so it is a little difficult. And maybe they will meet in the future! :) Hehe.

Haha yes! I imagined that at this stage in his life and being home, he would have all these memories. I love writing about Agnes and Richard's childhood, and of course it's quite important to the story, so I'm really glad you liked that.

Richard definitely has a little crush... or whatever he might call it in those days. :P He's very intrigued by Rose and I'm glad you liked the betrothal story, hehe. This gives Rose a chance to think on her feet and Richard to be blinded from logic a little in believing her, to be honest. :)

I promise to tell you guys all about Rose and Scorpius... well, some day! :P There's a big reveal and explanation in a later chapter which I've written already and am quite pleased about. And yes, this period was really not the best time to be a woman, as Rose might discover!

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, Kiana! ♥ I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story! :D


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Review #38, by Penelope Inkwell Rose

20th February 2014:
Hola!


So, I’ve been looking forward to reading more of this story. The past week has been madness, and this is the first chance I’ve had to get some reading done, and, lo and behold, who do I see posting for a review swap? I immediately knew what I had to go read (though, honestly, I would’ve read it anyway).

“I like it when I can see your eyes, Rose.” Haha, this is just such a mom line! In high school I was on the color guard, and our parent sponsor (sweet, sweet lady) was always ordering me to, “Get your hair out of your pretty face!” I totally feel Rose’s pain.

I remember that article! I love that that’s how you begin this whole adventure--with an allusion to a newspaper article about the person she’ll soon be meeting. What’s even cooler is that it really was a famous article, not just made up for plot convenience. It makes me feel sort of in on it, if that makes any sense at all?

The bit between Ron and Hermione about how to properly wave a wand is so great. Takes me right back to the days of “Levi-OH-sah”. :D

This exchange is all that is adorable in this world”

“‘I’m not old,” Dad pouted, sitting down and dropping his wand rather clumsily on the table in front of him. “Though it’s sometimes hard to believe I have a daughter old enough to have a paying position at the Ministry.

‘Don’t worry, you don’t look a day over twenty-seven,” I reassured him, patting his arm amicably. “And I don’t get paid much.’”

Haha, as bosses go, I think Hazelhurst might not be so bad as a boss. There would, at least, always be plenty of entertainment. I love that even your smaller characters are so fleshed out. Within a few lines of description and dialogue, I already feel as though I know them, have worked with them for years.

Cecelia sounds like one of those friends. You know the ones? They’re actually fantastic, and you couldn’t do without them, but when you try to describe them to someone else, they don’t like them until they meet them.

Poor Rose, with her NEWT results. I mean, that could totally happen. Come to think of it, the wizarding system of employment is kind of awful, isn’t it? It all depends on standardized testing. Yikes! So much pressure! The SAT was bad enough.

I adore this part: “As a boy, his nurse had told him tales of Faerieland, where nymphs and sprites danced until the dawn tickled them, where fairies drank mead from acorn cups and reveled, drawing mortals into their bowers and dens. He had thought sometimes, as a small child, looking at his elder sisters, famous beauties, and his elder brothers, strong and strong-hearted golden young men, that he himself was a changeling child, a fairy child, dark-haired and sallow and small and weak of limb, brought from Faerieland while his mother’s own babe, golden and mighty like his brothers, had been spirited away to join the revels and be a pet to the Faerie queen.”
--first off, the phrasing is just gorgeous! Second, it immediately makes Richard so relatable. You feel for him. The Faerie bit you wove in, with the notes of being a changeling/outsider, and Faerieland (a place where all was happy) not existing, and Rose being his Faery lady, was a stroke of genius!

I am so eager to see them meet each other. Everything about this chapter is brilliant. I didn’t actually find anything to give CC on, which pretty much never happens. Rose strikes me as a bit young and lazy, but that’s actually a realistic portrayal of a normal person. It makes gives her lots of room to grow, and makes her a bit more normal, so to speak. I like the versions where she seems so much “Hermione’s daughter”, too, but it’s really nice to see a version of Rose that is more like Ron (and, let’s face it, all of us mere mortals). 

I love this. And I will definitely be reading on! Thanks for the swap!


--Penny

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad to see you back! :D

Hehe, I'm glad you liked that line! It really is SUCH a mom line and was inspired by the kind of thing my mom says all the time. I'm happy you can relate!

I'm so excited that you know about the article and how this was big news - that's so cool! Yay, it's lovely to know how you like how it tied in and that the reader is in on the story. I love that!

Haha, that was my intention! I imagine Hermione nagging Ron and Ron being silly all throughout their marriage. I love writing them as adults - I'd be terrified to write them as children! :P

I'm glad you found it adorable! And yes, Hazlehurst really isn't bad at all, even if Rose's job is quite boring and unfulfilling.

That's exactly Cecelia! She's a lot more likable when she gets a little more screen time, I think. :P

Ah, I know! I would hate to be a wizard going into the wizarding world of employment, it's even scarier than the Muggle one I'm facing at the moment. :P Rose is a little lazy and had some bad luck with the exams, but that only makes me like her more to be honest. :P

I'm so happy you liked that section. I loved tying in the faerie mythology and what people might have thought in those times. The changeling thing just fit perfectly with my idea of Richard. I'm glad you're excited for them to meet!

Yay, I'm really glad you liked the chapter, and find Rose to be normal! She gets a lot better, and at the moment she's in a bit of a rut and doesn't let anybody forget about it. :P

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, I really love hearing your thoughts! :D


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Review #39, by GingeredTea The Burrow (Part II)

19th February 2014:
It is really striking how impulsive this girl is. I think I'd find it hard to write such a spunky character, so I applaud you for not just trying but pulling it off fantastically. Rose is so...bold/bright/cooky/happy(but not really) that it makes her just jump off the page!


...We already know this is mostly going to be full of gushing, right?...

Actually, you manage to capture that whole "Weasley" feeling so perfectly that I could just see it happening in my head. I loved the song (what a tradition Ron must have started - LOL) and Rose's reaction to them. And then how it just spirals out of control for her - that seems so much her dad that it made me laugh a bit. She has Hermione's brains, but she got all her dad's impulsiveness! Yet, she does actually appear capable of thinking and planning and I get the sense that she is just so BORED and wants to make things happen - wants/needs or doesn't know how to not be chaotic.

No one is actually about to discover her purse, but there is that impulsivity again! It was brilliantly orchestrated. If it's difficult to find a logical (I use the term for your writing, not actually for her actions which would be very logical to a level headed sort of girl) reason for drinking the potion, then it is a hundred times harder to present a situation that will seem realistic the next time - now she KNEW. Yet, here I am, amazed that you have pulled it off again - made it just HAPPEN - made me believe it, made me feel it along with her. Brilliant.

Then we switch to Richard and what a change - in place and time but also in character. Richard is thoughtful and careful and doesn't seem naturally predisposed to any kind of impulsivity. It is Rose who seems (or will) bring this impulsivity to him. That he will be the man who kisses her beneath the tree, seems so at odds with the man you present to us here.

The ending was nail-biting worthy! Oh man, I already known what will happen next but I was still feeling like I had to keep going! :D :D

LOVING this story! I check back often to see if it is updated (and yes, I just made a very undignified childish squeal when I noticed there was a new chapter). :D

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah! She is so impulsive. I didn't really plan her that way, but she sort of turned out as being this person who tends to defy rationality. Rose is funny though, how she's very bold and sassy in front of people she's comfortable with but can get shy and awkward in front of people she doesn't know. She's changeable and so much fun to play with and put in difficult situations, hehe. :)

Oh, nothing at all wrong with gushing. ♥

Wow thank you! :) I'm so glad, I just couldn't resist writing next gen with a bit Weasley gathering. The song! That couldn't be resisted either haha. I'm glad you find her like her dad, that was how I imagined her. She gets upset quickly and doesn't always think before acting... she's very unpredictable but that's what makes her interesting.

Haha you're right! She's way too paranoid here, she gets herself into unnecessary danger. I'm so glad you found that logical in terms of the story! I really wanted her decision to seem a little realistic and understandable. Thanks so much! This review is just golden and making me so happy.

Yes! Richard at this point is very loyal and stoic. He's very young and used to both obeying but being wary. I love how you can see the changes in his character and predict how he will evolve.

I'm so glad! :D Hearing the ending was suspenseful and exciting is just such wonderful praise.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter as well! :D


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Review #40, by Penelope Inkwell Prologue

12th February 2014:
Hey Jenna,

So, I obviously knew you were amazing, because I’ve already read SHADOW, and I’m pretty sure my review was basically a pile of gush (and deservedly so). But now, I’m just, like, agog at your talent. And also, Richard III/Harry Potter?! Brilliant. As a Theatre major and a lover of Shakespeare, I support this story idea 110%.

You are clearly an awesome person. Can we be friends? Even though I probably sound like a crazy person? I’m relatively normal, really. I just get really excited about good reading material.

Anyway, this story. How has it taken me this long to click on it? Your writing is gorgeous. That whole opening scene about Time...just, wow. And the rest as well. Your vocabulary choice is beautiful and varied, your imagery enchanting. The flow of your words is above reproach.

This is an incredible story idea and I am so excited to read it. Even though Richard III is (admittedly possibly in error) generally depicted as a villain (actually, that makes it better). And even though he’s apparently going to be cheating on his wife with Rose? Literary cheating usually sort of grosses me out and is something I generally avoid, but I’m going to make an exception, because this looks like a really excellent story.


CC (because I always do):

In the beginning, you refer to Time’s hand as “unwrinkled” in one sentence and “grizzled” a few lines down, which is just a small continuity thing.

"Materials concocted from the people of my own age.” I think “concocted by” might be better. Because my first thought was, ‘They’re making furniture out of people’s remains? What is going on in this hospital?’ But maybe that’s just me.

Starting with, “Everything is bleak,” you suddenly switch tenses for a few lines and then switch back. It may have been intentional, and really it kind of works, but I thought I’d point it out just in case.

And that’s it, really. This is just lovely. I’m in awe. Really great job--I can’t say it enough!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny!! :D Wow, this review is just $)@*)U. I'm sorry it took so long to reply as essays got in the way, but I really loved this and appreciated you taking the time to leave it.

I'm so glad you like the idea of the story and know about Richard III! :D Yay! I really love writing this and was almost surprised there wasn't already a story about Richard III on here... but then again, not too surprised. :P

Ummm YES can we be friends??!! I think you're very awesome too and I love what I've read of your writing and those are two signs of the beginnings of a wonderful friendship. ♥

Thank you! :D I'm so glad you like this prologue and the way Time is written. I played around with this chapter quite a bit so it's really lovely to get feedback on it. I'm so glad you like the writing and the idea! :)

Hehe, villains are quite fun to write. :) My rationale for it is that he was villanized (is that a word?) a lot by history but it's even more fun to turn that reputation around a little. Though, admittedly he does have some darker moments in the story. I agree about cheating - my argument for it here is that the time travel messes things up a little and there were lots of marriages for convenience and power back then, which still isn't good... but gives more room for moral cheating, anyway. :P

CC is always appreciated! :) I'm going to go and fix those ASAP. I'm not sure if I meant to change the tense there or not - probably not :P - so I'll get on that. Thanks! :D

Thank you so much for the beautiful review, my dear! :) I'm so glad you like it so far and really appreciate you leaving your thoughts. ♥


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Review #41, by GingeredTea The Burrow (Part I)

12th February 2014:
I love how easily you write both of these worlds and both of these Rose's. Here we see her at her best immature, impulsive, headstrong and jealous. But not, of course, before we see her as part of this big quirky family. I love your portrayal of Author - I think it must be hard to write a cannon character you've known so well one way and entirely different way and old age is just something that I haven't been brave enough to tackle (well, outside of Dumbledore). This paragraph is, of course, written with a bit of foreknowledge. LOL

I liked that we got to know a bit more about Scorpius - I admit I just don't know him very well because I'm just trekking into next gen, but you seem to have done a fabulous job with his backstory (I don't expect anything less).

You write carefree as well as you write angst, which is a talent I am still working on. LOL

Seriously though - you stop at all the worst *cough* best *cough* places!

I know this review is kinda short, but that's only because I'm brain-washed by school and I'll be back tomorrow to review the next one. Besides - you made this purposefully short to leave us at a cliffie!! ;-)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you like both the worlds and all the different sides of Rose. Yes, she really does not come across as very well in this chapter, and it's one of those moments which lets her be an immature kid again. I find that especially at that age people do act certain ways around their family and certain people bring things out, so I'm glad you liked it.

Ah I know, poor Arthur. :( Old age is really terrifying to write, but as I have some similar experiences in my own family it helps with writing about it and even using the story as a bit of an outlet.

I'm glad you liked learning more about Scorpius! This is mostly based on my ideas for the Malfoys after the war, and I like to shut Lucius up in Azkaban *evil laugh*.

Ahh, thank you! :) I think, for me at least, writing too much of one or the other gets a little exhausting so it's fun to switch between them.

Hehe, well suspenseful and foreshadowing moments are the best/worst. :P As I have seen from your writing as well!

This review wasn't short at all, I loved it! :) I'm so happy you're still liking the story, I love getting your thoughts on it. Thanks for the brilliant review!


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Review #42, by toomanycurls Hedgewitch

9th February 2014:
Hello!! :D

I can't tell you how happy I am to have a full chapter in the past. I love how well you've captured Old English speech with modern narrative styles. The details you added about wizarding society of this era are magnificent. I completely buy that there'd be a great deal of segregation of wizarding classes and that poor students wouldn't go to school for too long. Those details added richness to this story.

Agnes is immediately interesting. I really liked that she knew of Rose from a past (but for Rose future) visit where she said that she'd be back. I got a laugh out of Agnes listing all the Richards out there for Rose to be referring to.

Rose's relief when Agnes turned out to be a witch is completely understandable. It's interesting that witches and wizards are hunted down - I mean, they have magical ability to hide but I suppose spell work only goes so far with an angry mob.

The comment about Hogwarts: A History having a very specific view of the past was just spot on. I love playing with the idea that history is a story told from a non-encompassing perspective.

I could relate to Rose trying to frantically remember the history of England. I think everyone has a situation where they need to recall everything they know about something without a lot of prep or study.

When Rose starts to piece together the complexity of the journey she's on, it's just brilliant. I love that she catches that the Richard she first met was older and tehreby determining how their timelines intersect. Agnes telling Rose about her previous visit seemed to set a clear path for her to follow in order to actuate this line of events. Ah! It's so circular and genius.

Your unpackaging of wizarding society and the social classes through Agnes' experience was fantastic. I'm curious to see how this knowledge will influence Rose in her future actions.

Post more soon!!
-Rose

Author's Response: Hello again! :)

Ah, I can't believe you're here already! I'm glad you liked the whole chapter in the past - many more of that coming up, in fact. :) I loved writing it and playing with the speech and magical history so it's great to know it came across well. I'm glad you found the unfairness of education at Hogwarts realistic and that it added to the story.

I love Agnes, I'm really happy you like her! Haha, she is a little silly with all the Richards, though it's funny how I imagine it would be very common.

Yes! I felt it would be quite frightening to be a witch, and that unless they forced self-sufficient communities they would have to integrate with the Muggles. Witches like Agnes as well don't have the best education, so they might have more trouble defending themselves unlike the magical members of the aristocracy whose lives were more valued and had more skills. :(

Ah yes, I felt that the poor would have a different point of view and that history books can only tell a very small part of the story. Haha, poor Rose! She doesn't know much about history in general, and I'm glad you found that moment of needing to know something but not quite understanding it relatable. It reminded me of doing crosswords in a weird way.

I'm glad you like seeing Rose's thought process! The timelines are quite confusing, and it is a lot for her to wrap her mind around, but she is getting there. I don't even know how I'd feel in Rose's situation, knowing that certain things are going to happen in her future but those events being in other people's pasts. It's a little frightening but I'm really excited you like it. :)

Thank you for the brilliant review! :) I really love hearing your thoughts on this. Hmm, I guess I have to post more soon then... ahh! :P Thanks again!


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Review #43, by GingeredTea Barnard Castle

8th February 2014:
I really loved how you began this chapter with Richard, then made his abrupt transition into the 'present' with Rose confused still but ploughing ahead, almost superficiously pulled into 'normality' because she is surrounded by her best friends. Then you end it, once more with Richard, lonely and becoming hardened, and it is just beautiful. I really must brush up on this Richard fellow.

Okay, now onto some details about the stuff between the brilliant beginning and ending.

I really liked seeing Richard without Rose there to color our perspective. The way he ruminates on Rose you really get the feel that Rose is his only brightness, even in a time of peace when he is supposed to be happy.

Then we're back with Rose and she's confused, of course, but well-enough aware that she doesn't make her friend too suspicious. Beautifully executed, once more. You're choices in dialogue are really well done.

She falls back into being Rose, the impulsive bubbly girl who isn't quite mature and only sees the world from the way she is accustomed - except that is changing and I can see it and feel it at the edges of her consciousness. It isn't just about seeking out an adventure now - she is asking herself things. I am loving it all.

We manage to witness the ruins and I love that - again through a very natural transition.

And then you end it with Richard, darker and lonelier and no longer embracing the idea of Rose or his love for her - but pushing her away.

You end it on such a foreboding note and so captivating, especially since you have already established the idea that she will move farther and father in time each time - so we're always seeing a different Richard than she is. It's terribly wonderful and horribly unfair! ;-)

Once more, I simply love your writing and where you are going. :D

Author's Response: Hi Tory! :)

Ahh, thanks so much! :D It really makes me so happy getting the reviews from you on this story and all the lovely feedback. I'm glad you're liking the transitions between the characters and the eras, in Richard's case. It's both challenging but also a lot of fun to write.

Ah, Richard is such a villain in history! :P I think this story probably portrays him a little more sympathetically, though I do want that inner corruption to come through as well. I'm glad you like seeing him without Rose as well, and how she has affected him.

Haha, poor Rose spends a lot of time being confused. :) I'm glad you liked her reactions and how she's trying to be calm. I struggle a little with dialogue so it's really wonderful to hear you comment on it. :)

I'm so happy to hear you like how Rose is developing and changing. She really is going through a lot and starting to grow up as she's challenged more and more. I do love writing her so I'm pleased you do as well.

Hehe, I loved writing the ruins. History nerd moment. :P

I'm glad you find it captivating, that is such amazing praise. Richard's character is all over the place, and while Rose's character grows it's almost as if his character gets deconstructed through each section which I do love writing so much. Getting your feedback is so reassuring and helpful here.

Thanks so much for the brilliant review! :)


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Review #44, by GingeredTea Hunt

1st February 2014:
So I'm obviously writing this review with some foreknowledge, which if I might say so, is kinda fun.

I still remember that I was biting my nails when you had Rose go fetch owl treats thinking "okay, this is where is going to have Hugo/mum/dad/owl find/take this potion" but you didn't and I started breathing again. I like that you made me worry in the middle of something very...benign (I can't think of a better word for anti-angst right now).

The idea of Hermione planning when to have children down to their birthday made me laugh and seemed so...Hermioneish... lol

I'm still curious what Malfoy did. Foreknowledge isn't helping me here. I'm hoping you'll help me soon. Geesh, you see - I don't normally care about the romantic or he-did-this-to-me parts of stories. There you go again, dragging me not into liking historically based fanfics but ones having to do with ex-boyfriends. ;)

"Perhaps it was my frustration at Scorpius that made me do it, or my desire to escape the repetitive world of misgivings and submission. But that’s when I did it. I took the potion I had stolen from the Department of Mysteries. And I swallowed a tiny little sip, less than a mouthful. " This was excellently executed. I had tried to figure out how you'd make her do it, because despite seeming brash, she doesn't actually seem that 'rash' and your writing is exquisite so I didn't expect you to just throw it on us randomly. I knew you'd give us a good reason and you did. I could feel this with her, see her doing this, sense the emotion behind the impulsive move. Brilliant, beautiful. I actually said "ah ha!" when it happened!

Looking forward I love how you set up the Floo as part of her normal routine when you knew what a key it would play that we not think much when she says she 'continued to take the Floo'. You avoid her apparating until the proper moment perfectly. I love being able to think back and see these little details.

Then you go onto describe where she imagines she is going. It surprises us even more when she doesn't bring us there either.

This scene, as she finds her physical bearings but still struggles to find her mental balance, was also beautifully done.

There is so much I want to put into words about when she meets Richard - from the moment the ground shakes to the way you take the time to (accurately!) describe the wearings and mounts, to the moment Richard realizes she does not remember and she herself realizes what she has done - all of this was as powerful, exquisite and beautiful as the rest of your writing. This scene stuck with me so much that I hardly needed to reread it to recall all the details!

I loved your ending. This is the chapter at which I just could.not.stop.reading!!! :D You had me hooked right here.

"And so began the moments which would set into motion my new life."

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, I'm so glad you're liking this story! :D And yes, foreknowledge is a good way to look back and comment on the story.

Haha I'm glad you were nervous! That is quite funny, and I like the word benign for anti-angst as you said. Rose has gotten herself into a very sticky situation, and running some risks...

I'm glad you found it Hermione-ish! I've always had a bone to pick with that since my sister and my birthdays are so close together, and I felt it was something Hermione would do as well... or Rose would suspect her of doing. Hehe.

I promise to explain what Scorpius and Rose broke up over... well... some day! Ah I'm so glad it's interesting you. I think it's important to show how their relationship was and how it made them both a little immature and how that contrasts with Richard. :P

I'm so happy to hear you liked the explanation for why she took the potion. I feel like some people when they're irritated or upset or having the past dragged into the present become very impulsive, and Rose really wants a change. It's awesome that you liked it! :D

Hehe, I'm sneaky. :P Well, Rose is sneaky. One of the good things about writing a big chunk of this story over NaNo is that I had time to make sure all the pieces fit together. Good on you for noticing!

It's so lovely to hear you liked the scene where she arrived in the past, and how it was set up to lead to her confusion. It's such a pivotal scene so I'm really pleased you liked it. I loved writing it and how things might have looked from Rose's perspective. I'm so happy to hear you liked it, this really makes me so happy.

Yay for being hooked! :D This chapter was so important for me to write the story and it's amazing to hear it was important for you to keep reading. Thank you so much for the absolutely brilliant review! :)


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Review #45, by nott theodore Barnard Castle

29th January 2014:
Hello again! Ah, this story is so addictive! (I'm going to attempt to write a slightly shorter review this time...)

The opening to this chapter was brilliant. The return to Richard's thoughts helped to give us a real sense of the fragmented timelines that are central to this story, and the jumps helped reflect how sudden the time travel really is. His conflicting thoughts about magic were great - I wonder how he learns that Rose is actually a witch? The inclusion of beliefs about witchcraft at this time is a great detail that really help to make the story more believable - I'd never thought about the way the attitudes towards it at the time would make it harder for Richard to accept Rose, but now it seems so simple and obvious. He's got a real love-hate relationship with magic here and it makes me even more curious to find out how their relationship develops over the course of the story.

And back to Barnard Castle! It's really interesting that no time seemed to have passed at all in the present day while Rose was in the past - I wonder if it's going to be the same for all of her journeys? Or will she start having to explain her disappearances, or age prematurely from her time in the past? It's so intriguing!

I loved the way that you described the friendship between Maude and Rose, and how that had developed - it ties in well with the sense of time, that everything has its own history. Maude's character is really likable and she fits in well with Rose and Cecelia as a group of friends.

I also love the detail and thought that you put into this (and all your stories). The fact that Maude and Cecelia are Muggle-borns is still affecting their lives and the way they think, and that's probably not picked up on so much in the books at times. The whole idea about the wizarding economy and Ministry running alongside the Muggle one and all the complications that might cause is something I'd never thought about either, so it was really interesting to read about. And I loved the fact you showed these girls talking about current affairs - so many conversations in stories seem to be centred around boys and it's great to find a more realistic portrayal of teenage girls.

So Maude and Rose fell out for about a month, hm? Wasn't that around the time Rose and Scorpius broke up? Maybe there was something between the two of them, although I think you said that Maude liked girls - but she does attract blond guys...

It was great to see them going round Barnard Castle, and I loved the interactions you included with the locals (and the typical Northern friendliness!). All the thoughts Rose had going round the ruins were great, and I loved her reflections and the way she tried to convince herself it was really all a dream.

The efforts to avoid apparition make sense, if that is what's causing it. But she's going to end up doing so sometime soon, I know... Haha, of course Archie didn't notice her! I love Rose's innocence in this, the way she doesn't think that the Department of Mysteries are really using her as a guinea pig for their invention. I wonder what will happen when she finds out that Archie's not all he seems... (as I'm now convinced!)

The return to Richard at the end of this chapter was lovely too - quite sad though, but very poignant. It's a really pivotal point in his life, and I liked the fact that he acknowledged this would change him completely. He's generally portrayed as such a cold, heartless character in history (we can probably thank the Tudors for that!) and seeing this take on him is really interesting. I wonder if Rose will see him again after this point or not?

Brilliant chapter, and I hope Philippa Gregory does read it some day!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi again! :D Ahh yay I'm so excited you like it!

I'm glad you liked the opening and Richard's thoughts. Ah, the time travel is so jarring and confusing, and how he finds out she's a witch remains a mystery to everyone for some time, including Rose herself. :P I'm glad you liked those historical details - witchcraft would have been a very contentious subject so it felt important to show how conflicted Richard and others might be, but how they might be able to separate Rose from the idea of a witch in an odd way.

Ooh, good questions here! :P All I can really say is... that Time is very fickle and gives me headaches sometimes. Haha.

I'm glad you like Maude, and I love your observation about everything and everyone having individual timelines and history. I'm so glad that comes through, and this story is just so packed with detail so it's reassuring to know it isn't too overwhelming.

Yes! Since I decided to make them both Muggleborn it was important to show the differences on how they might have grown up. I find the ways that the wizarding economy and politics might fit into the Muggle system so intriguing, so it was a lot of fun to explore that here! Ah, I'm so glad you find them realistic: they do talk about significant others, sometimes, but this group especially are quite conscious of current events and problems in society.

Hmm, interesting observation there... :P Maude definitely does like girls, but that doesn't mean it's only girls who like her...

Aw, I couldn't resist throwing in some lovely Northerners! :) I'm glad you liked how Rose was recovering. She has a strange need to act normal while her head is spinning, and the whole thing is very difficult to wrap her head around.

Yes, hehe. Rose is trying quite hard to stay in control of the time travel, for now. Haha, well why would she suspect anything out of the ordinary? *smiles innocently* :P

I'm glad you liked the return to Richard, and how this time in his life affects him. He's so tricky to write - especially taking in the historical stereotypes, records of rather evil deeds, and Tudor propaganda - but I do love him anyway! (well, his character, potentially not the real guy). :)

Ahh, I would probably cry if she did! :P Thanks for the beautiful review, Sian, you really are too amazing! ♥



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Review #46, by nott theodore Hunt

28th January 2014:
Jenna! Ah, I finally found time to get here (I've still got work to do, but I'm ignoring that for now and rewarding myself for finishing my essay :P) and I'm not leaving until I've written this review!

Eep, where do I begin with this chapter? I'm restraining myself from squealing about Richard and Rose just yet, so I'll (try to) go from the beginning...

I've really, really missed your writing recently. It's been horrible not having the time to read all of your lovely stories, each one brilliant in its own way. I have to say that I think this is my favourite out of all of them so far though (although I still have to catch up on the rest of them!)

Your characters are just so vivid, and I think that's what I really love about this story. They all seem so real and alive that they could walk off the page (or screen, in this case) and into my life and I'd completely believe them to be a real person. All of the background stories and details that you give us through each chapter about all the different characters appearing here help to make them seem much more authentic; you're never scared to shy away from the things that make them human, the mistakes they make, the things that they do wrong, and I really love reading about characters like that.

Cecelia was one of those characters - she seemed really real, and I loved the back story, that she and Rose weren't friends at first. It's something I haven't seen often, and I liked the fact the two of them didn't go from being enemies to being best friends overnight, because I've read stories like that before and they just aren't believable for me. The way that Rose sketched over the details of the break up was really effective, too, because even in her own mind it's like she's trying to protect her best friend. The idea of them stealing made them seem more real, too - I've never understood it but lots of teenagers do it, and Rose definitely seems the sort of person to make rash (and sometimes stupid) decisions. The detail about the pet tortoise was brilliant!

Atticus, ugh. Pompous and a bit creepy.

I just realised that I still managed to write this all out of order... oops. So anyway, back to Scorpius - I'm really intrigued about his letter. I think this is possibly the first story I've read where Rose and Scorpius have been together and then broken up first, and I'm curious about what happened between them - did he cheat on her? The talk about forgiveness made me wonder that, especially the way that he sounded a bit desperate towards the end. I'm also wondering if they really were best friends before they got together, or if it's just him saying it to try and get on her good side.

Ah, I love the fact that this letter was the push she needed to take the potion! It makes sense that she'd be a bit apprehensive of it but then the letter she got made her reckless enough to take it.

I love the fact that nothing happened straight away, either! It kind of lulled me into a false sense of security with Rose, and I could feel her disappointment that nothing had really happened. When it did, though, it made the shock even greater for her. I'm really intrigued to know more about how this time travel potion works - presumably when Rose apparate with it in her system, she's taken back in time. The connection with the place was made apparent too, but I'm wondering whether she'll always go back to the same time period, or whether there'll be others as well.

Okay, so you already know how much I squeed over the fact that you took Rose to BARNARD CASTLE because it's an amazing place and eep. The connection between Maude's house and the fact that Richard lived there is great and I loved the way that you described it, too.

The transition into the past was so smoothly written, but also really clear that Rose had been taken somewhere different. It wasn't just the scenery that was different from what she was used to, but the activities that were taking place, and even the way people talked - I loved the fact you picked up on the Yorkshire accent but said it was different to the one she'd heard. Gah, it was just so perfect! And the way that they thought she was a boy in disguise because of what she was wearing, what they called her and everything else just fit in so well and made me feel as though I was reading a published historical fiction.

I wasn't even sure that it was Richard at first, because his attention to her was quite subtle and well hidden, but their meeting was so fantastic. Have your read The Time Traveller's Wife? Because this reminded me a little of that, where the two meet at various points in each other's timelines and have to deal with all the problems and confusion that causes.

But it was so cute, seriously! I already loved Richard enough from watching The White Queen, but the way that you wrote him just made me like him even more. He's so chivalrous and loving here, and I'm glad that Rose prepared him for this moment, when she'd meet him for the first time (although the timelines that involves are baffling me a little! :P). I wonder why they parted on bad terms last time she was there? I really want to know what happened, and I'm looking forward to seeing that.

The kiss was perfect! I wouldn't have thought I'd enjoy reading it so much but the way that her body seems to remember even though her mind doesn't makes me think that there's some deeper connection there which will constantly pull her back to Richard's time. I can't wait to see their relationship develop over the course of this story!

The last paragraph was great as well, with the run-on sentence that really emphasised Rose's racing mind and confused thoughts. There were a couple of tense mistakes there, but nothing major. This 'Time' figure is very mysterious! I'm not sure it is Time, but it was quite chilling all the same!

I've got loads more to say but I'm out of characters right now!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi darling! :D *tackles monster review*

Ah, I love you for leaving this! Hehe don't worry, this story is my favourite one as well I think. It makes me really happy that you like it. :)

I'm so happy to hear you like the characters as I do love them so. It's really lovely to hear that they feel real, and I wanted them to have flaws and faults which make them more interesting. It means a lot to get your feedback. :)

Yay, I'm so happy you like Cecelia! She's definitely a strong character and I liked imagining how she and Rose might have become friends. I'm glad their story of friendship seemed realistic - I liked the idea of not really knowing one another and kind of having a certain first impression, and then actually getting to know the other person. I feel like a lot of people's friendships sometimes start like that. Ah, about the stealing, I felt like it was one of those immature and a little recklessly unnecessary things that teenagers do, and wanted to show that Rose taking the potion wasn't completely out of character. :P Pet tortoises sound so cool! My friend has a pet one in his garden so that inspired the tortoise here.

Haha, oh Atticus...

Ah, Scorpius. I probably need to clarify this, though it is explained a little better in chapter seven I think, that he just means they were best friends while they were dating. :) He does get a little desperate and cheesy (ugh), but Rose does have a good reason for breaking up with him and not wanting to be with him. The whole thing is a little dramatic and rather immature. :P

I'm glad you liked her reasoning for taking the potion! For Rose, she wanted to take it and see what would happen, but getting upset gave her that reckless streak where for a moment she didn't care what the consequences could be.

Yes! :) The time travel is a little... complicated. At this point in the story, Rose has no real clue about how it works, and it is a little unpredictable as is the nature of time, hehe.

Omg yes! :D I know I've squee-ed about it too but it's just so so so cool that you've been there, gah. That is ridiculously awesome.

I'm glad the transitions between the time periods fit well. I find while writing this that there is a big distinction between Rose's actions in the past and in the present, and even her thought process in a way. It's quite curious. It's really amazing to hear the accents were okay as well as I have been fiddling with them for a while and trying to figure out how exactly to portray them. Hearing it felt like a published historical fiction just makes me so very happy! :D

I have read it! Either that or I've seen the movie... gah... I feel awful but it was a long time ago. :P Their timelines are quite messed up and confusing, and this leads to a lot of oddness of which this is only the tip of the iceberg hehe.

I'm so glad to hear you like Richard! :) I've put a lot of thought into making him unique and complex - he's a very morally ambiguous character and since I'm writing him across almost half his life his personality does have some adjustments. It really is wonderful to get such amazing feedback!

I'm glad you liked the kiss and the idea that her body seems to remember in some way. Such is the nature of time I suppose. :)

Ah, the tense mistakes were (sort of?) on purpose to show how time was getting all mixed up even in Rose's head and the prose - but I might go back and see if it fits better to leave it more grammatically correct. :P And yes, hmm, the figure is quite ominous... :)

Thanks so much for such a fabulous review!! :D I really appreciate it so much, you made my day! ♥


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Review #47, by GingeredTea Mysteries

25th January 2014:
Once more, you have done it - kept me captivated until the very end. I'm sitting here MAKING myself write this review rather than press that "Next Chapter" button, because I really really want more! Like Rose and the little potions. I would have done the same thing.

You have a real talent at making the mundane 'filler' parts just as captivating as the angsty, action-packed, mystical, etc. etc. parts. I mean, really - with most authors I would be skimming, but with you I devoured every word.

Brilliant.

I love Archie and have so many questions! Did he really forget to shave at home or did he go back in time? I suspect the last, since he also noted that he was got up late. The Floo wasn't working. All those injuries, too. Hmm...

Rose, you are a brave girl! Lets be honest - Hermione likes to portray herself as rule-abiding, but I could see her having done that same thing too...

Must read more.

I am really really really curious about Archie.

Gosh. I really mean it when I say you've got me hooked (in a bad and good way). I'm sorry if this review is a bit scattered - I just am trying so hard not to hit the Next Chapter! LOL

As always, I love your writing style. Beautiful. Captivating. Focused and fluid. :)

Tory

Author's Response: Hi again! :D

Yay for being captivated! I was a little worried that this chapter would be too boring so it's great to know you liked it. Haha, I think I would have stolen a potion too - I mean, they were right there, what was she supposed to do?!

Wow, thank you! That's a really great compliment, to know you liked the more explanatory parts. I feel that they are important in setting up for the action parts, and knowing they're interesting is wonderful.

Hmm, interesting questions about Archie and all the other things going on... curiosity is definitely good.

Hooked is good! :D Hehe, this review wasn't scattered at all. I loved it, and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave it! :)

Thanks for the lovely review once again! :D You're really making me such a happy author right now! :)


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Review #48, by GingeredTea Rose

25th January 2014:
I'm sorry this review is so late. I almost got done the chapter when I was interrupted by a small imp (AKA toddler) and had to do some magics of my own to get the imp to sleep again.

I just finished reading this now and am in love. The difference in the first part of the chapter as we learn of the 'normal' Rose seemed startling (in a good way) and then slowly seemed to make some sense in terms of the previous chapter as we learned about this new time turner. The last part was beautiful - a glimpse into the the mystical sort of writing that you used in the previous chapter. Was this scene with the man after the scene we saw with him in the last chapter?

I have so many questions but I'm not even sure how to phrase them! Agh. This story is just amazing. Once more I am in love with your unique flow. You have a clear ability to write not just in one style but in many (the sharp difference between the previous chapter, the beginning of this one, and the last of this one prove it - never mind your other story I've read) and that you use such different styles within the story is really captivating. It let me truly feel the difference between the current Rose and the Rose that will go on this adventure (although maybe using current and future is wrong since we're dealing with a fooled Time here).

I'm just in love. :D Please lets swap again. Actually...I'm going forward. If the Imp takes a long enough nap I'll even drop a review, otherwise I'll be ready for the next time we swap. :)

Enthralled,
Tory

Author's Response: Hi Tory! :) Don't worry at all - I'm a little late with this review response as well. I blame school - there really is no magic to deal with that. :P

I'm so glad you like the story! :) It's so wonderful to get your feedback. Yes, Rose is very different at the beginning than she is in the prologue, as the prologue shows her at her most desperate. For the most part, she's quite spirited and entertaining. I'm glad you liked the last part as well - it is set quite a bit after his appearance in the first chapter, and his timeline is quite mixed up and confusing and non-linear throughout the story, which is fun but confusing for me. :P

I'm so glad you like the different writing styles and how they fit together - it can be challenging, especially writing from different perspectives. Haha yes, Time is all kinds of mixed up in this story. :P

Thank you so much for the amazing review! :D It really means so much that you like the story, I really appreciate it! :) ♥


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Review #49, by Aphoride Prologue

25th January 2014:
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, how have I possibly missed this?! How have I not seen this before? Because, like, Tudors and medieval England is my thing - gah, I studied it, I love it, I read all the fiction about it! - and this is so amazing...

So yeah, I'm so so glad I've finally found/got a chance to read this - expect it to be added to my reading list and a favourite soon enough ;)

I loved the first section, I have to say that first. With time, and all that jazz, the talking about the map fo time, the way you described it almost like a tapestry or a piece of spun silk... such a beautiful, lovely metaphor! And the way, like how JKR did with Death in the Tale of the Three Brothers, you characterised Time, made him alive and person-like, gave him a personality and the capacity to feel emotion - hatred, spite, etc. Such a lovely addition! :)

I love the idea that Rose is suffering from going back in time, that she's, effectively, dying because of it, but she doesn't really regret it. It's such a powerful start (and end, I guess, in a way) for her and says so much about what happened and how she felt about it... she's such a wonderful character so far - a criminal, dying, still desperately in love, almost hopeless, clever... such a unique bunch of traits! I don't think I've seen a character quite like her before.

So, the king... Richard III... I'm so curious as to why you chose him. I mean, I think he's pretty fascinating (even more so since his body was discovered! - I'm guessing that's why you mentioned Leicester University? :P), but he's not known as a popular king... still, that just makes him more fascinating. I love the idea that somehow he fell in love with Rose, because she would have been a complete stranger in that era, no idea how to manage it, and, gah, I'm just so curious! :) I loved the little details of the time, as well, with the ermine over his shoulders and the doublets and things... so good! :)

Just as an fyi - I'm pretty hot on all the historical events around that time, peerage at the time, etc. so if you need anything to do with that, feel free to pm me and I'll help as best I can! :)

This is an incredibly unique idea and I love it already. I'm definitely going to come back to this and read on at a later date - favourite and reading list, for sure! Because I'm just going to have to finish this story - you've completely hooked me! :)

I love this. Seriously.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, another history lover! :D I'm so glad you got a chance to come check this out, it's so exciting to hear from others interested in medieval England. :)

I'm glad you liked it! I really loved writing it and imagining what it might be like to see Time. I really loved that metaphor as well so I'm really glad you commented on it. I felt that in a time travel story, it's all pretty unbelievable anyway, so throwing in Time as a character would help with the fantastic quality to it.

Yes! Rose has to pay a price for her actions, and I felt like it was important to play around with the timeline throughout the story even if it gets a little confusing. :P It really means a lot to hear you like her character so far - of course, she still has a long way to go before getting to that point, but I do love writing her so much.

Haha yes, good picking up on Leicester University there. :P I'm not really sure what draws him to me either, I suppose because he's so infamous and controversial that it's a challenge to turn him into an appealing character. I'm really interested in historical propaganda and how history sees Richard, and despite having such a bad reputation his actual personality is quite unknown and his life is tragic in its way. I could never write a time travel romance about Henry VIII, for example. :P

Ah I will definitely take you up on that! :) I've been a little slower on writing this story since NaNo ended but the part I'm working on now is very political and involves a lot of historical detail, so I need all the help I can get. :P Thank you!

I'm so excited that you liked this, and I hope you continue to enjoy it! :D This story really is my baby and I get really excited about it, so hearing that you like it is really wonderful!

Thanks so much for the beautiful review! :D ♥


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Review #50, by toomanycurls The Burrow (Part II)

24th January 2014:
Review swap x2

Your CI is yummy :)

I loved watching Rose use Louis and Al as her spies to figure out what Scorpius was up to. Though, I got the feeling that Scorpius' presense there wasn't just about her. I kind of wonder if some of their relationship toxicity was because she wouldn't bring him around the family.

Oh man, what a burn about Molly being the next Umbridge. ouch

I like Matt (my husband's name is Matt). he's clearly a nice, attractive guy. :D

There are parts of the converation with Rose and Al where I can't tell if he's being funny or slow. Maybe both. Rose's assertion that everyone would want to save her from a Malfoy and that she's grandad's favorite do a great job showing her high opinion of herself.

You did a wonderful job with the quiddith scene and all the renditions of Weasley is our King. I would be surprised if word of her dating Scorpius didn't get around once 5+ people knew.

I wanted to cover my eyes as Rose hit the bludger that hit Matt in the face. Oh the tension between her and Scorpius! She feels horrible about hitting Matt and all in a knot over Scorpius - I can understand why she'd storm off and do more of that potion. O.O MORE TIME TRAVEL!!

Wait, the year is 1968? should it be 1698?

Reading your sections from the past makes me feel like I've flipped open a Philipia Gregory book. :) it's just wonderfully well-written and perfect for the period. I love Richard's reflections on his life and past. Agnes' voice is a great mix of her accent and regular/modern pronounciation. It's enough to feel like she has Cockney accent but not so much it's impossible to read. I take it this is the first time in Richard's life that he's met Rose (at least that he remembers). She's clearly quite striking and intrigues him (with more than her bare ankles).

Incredible chapter!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hello again! :D

Ah, I know right?! He's just the perfect Scorpius. Even if Scorpius kind of sucks here.

Haha, Rose is so manipulative of those two! :) She would do the same for them, however. That was definitely a part of it: we haven't found out much about what they were actually like while dating, but there were more problems than Scorpius is willing to admit to when he's trying to make up with Rose.

Umbridge insults are most likely the worst thing to say to someone in the Weasley family, I think.

He's being a bit of both! Oh dear, I hope you don't think Rose is too full of herself! She's lovely, really, she just likes to blab and be overly confident when she's upset. :P

I figured that in such a big family, not everyone would have the energy to care about what individual cousins were doing at the time. I figured that while Ron/Hermione and Harry's families would be extremely close there wouldn't be as much between the other branches. But yes, she did do a good job of keeping it secret.

I know! :( Poor Matt, I felt pretty sorry for him. I felt awkward just writing that scene.

It definitely should not be 1968. NUMBERS HATE ME! :P

Yay! I'm so glad you like the historical sections. They're a lot of fun to write if the language is a little difficult, gah. You're right, Richard is very confused at this point, but he knows something is up. :P And how could he be expected to resist the ankles? They would be quite exciting.

Thanks for the amazing review! :D I'm so happy you like the story!


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