Reading Reviews for Play the Devil
  
82 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Penelope Inkwell Barnard Castle

20th March 2014:
Jeeennna! I love this story! Sorry if it’s slow going, but I’m going to review every chapter if it kills me. Hah!


" Once again, he began to quietly hate cursed magic, which haunted the nightmares of his childhood. The witch. He loathed magic for bringing him Rose and taking her away from him. Like a knight and faerie lady in a romance of King Arthur, they could never belong to the same world, be entirely as one. Magic brought him peace, yet snatched it away with the fleeting sweet smell of her hair lingering upon his skin.”
--this is beautiful. Well, really, all your sections of this type are lovely, but I love how careful the balance of your word choice is here. I can really feel the tension: how grateful he is to know Rose, and how much he curses his fate for giving her to him only to take her away. He seems to be struggling with the whole, “better to have loved and lost” thing here, and the way you do it is lovely, I think.

I like the way you depict Rose’s reaction to what’s happened. For a moment, I was like, “Doesn’t she want to go home? Sort things out? Why stay where she’s going to have to put on an act?” But then, when I thought about it, it seemed like such a very human response. She doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t want to have to sort it out yet. It’s terrifying, and she wants to put off questioning it and be with people that make her feel safe. And I think that makes a lot of sense.

Maude seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I can see why she’s a crucial part of their little group. I’ve heard so much about her that I’m quite happy to finally meet her. Also, am I picking up that she’s gay? Good on you for writing diverse characters. That’s the one thing about HP. There is Dumbledore, of course, which is alluded to, and of course there ARE PoC characters (the Patels, Shacklebolt, Dean Thomas, Angelina), but they play very peripheral roles. And in fanfic we have a bit more freedom, I suppose, so it’s good to see all sorts of people being represented!

Cecelia is really growing on me, too. I feel like things could never be all that boring, so long as you were friends with her. But the poor girl really does attract some...interesting characters.

Cecelia and Atticus Voltaire Smith are CRACKING ME UP! You paint him so perfectly, I can just see it now. I’ve never known anyone just like that, but I FEEL like I have. Also, making his last name “Smith” and the whole “PaPA’s yearly salary” bit? Bahaha. He’s so horrible and hilarious at the same time.

What is Richard going to do? Oh my gosh! The waiting is going to drive me mad, isn’t it? Richard, don’t do it!


No CC for you this time. It’s another great chapter, and while I throw it in there as a rule, there’s no point searching up problems when I didn’t notice any. Good work! Loving this story!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny! :)

Ah, you spoil me! Please don't feel you have to review every chapter! I've really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the story, no matter when they arrive. :)

Thank you! I really love writing Richard's thought patterns and the way he sees the world at this point. Yes! He is just like that, and part of his problem is that he usually sees the world in quite binary terms of right and wrong, loyalty and disloyalty. So his conflicted feelings for Rose are all the more difficult to negotiate.

Yes, I imagined that Rose is a little confused and shocked, and being around her friends helps both distract her from it and give her time to process what was going on. I think, too, that she's a little afraid to be alone at a time like this - I would be, at least. :)

I'm really glad you liked Maude! :) She's the more level-headed one of the three but definitely has a mischievous side as well. She is gay! I've been trying to include at least one main or secondary character in a lot of my stories who is gay or part of a minority as it just feels more realistic. And I agree about HP, it's too bad that at least one main character who represents a different group, but what can you do.

Haha, I agree about Cecelia! She's fun, but can be a little overwhelming. And Atticus Voltaire, hahaha. I honestly googled "pretentious names" or something and that was the name which came up and I fell in love. Characters like that are so fun even if real people like that aren't so much. :P He is a bit of a caricature but he'll be popping in and out every so often.

Hehe, this is the thing about time travel, evil author can make the readers wait forever to fill in the pieces. :P

Thanks so much for the amazing reviews! ♥ I really appreciate your thoughts and feedback on this story, and I'm very excited that you're enjoying it! :)


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Review #27, by marauderfan Fotheringay

18th March 2014:
Great chapter! So there wasn't a lot of action but you more than made up for it with the amount of detail in building this historical world. Seriously, I love your descriptions and attention to detail, it makes this story so rich.

I love that you didn't shy away from describing the poor hygeine of the 1400s and Rose's kind of uncomfortsble reaction to it,as she's used to the much cleaner 21st century. Haha... Agnes.

Omg. I love Hermione's views on Christianity. The bit about Rose sitting in church while her knees hurt as she kneels at mass, and imagines Jesus judging her for inappropriate thoughts and wondering if the people next to her know. I was giggling. I'm glad I'm not the only person who inexplicably wonders if people around me can read my mind when I'm thinking inappropriate things.. lol. (Though you may want to fix the wording of that sentence, it has a couple extra words in it: Often, I found find quite inappropriate thoughts float into my head,  )

The baron… the baron Ronald, who lives in some obscure land to the south which is rarely visited by anyone and which is a very unpleasant place to live- I wouldn’t recommend investigating further.”  -- WHAT LOL. DYING. XD Good one Rose, really subtle.How did he fall for that?

The scene with Ellyn was cute, its nice they were able to have some girl talk, though sad that Ellyn's lot in life probably won't amount to much as she's a woman in the serving class. :(

I love the angry monk story, btw. Ooh,I'm excited to see how this banquet goes. Given Rose's really non-suspicious lying so far... I think it won't go super well. Awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so glad you liked this and all the descriptions! This was another one of those chapters which just didn't want to end, haha.

Yes! Haha, I've read some time travel stories which just don't touch on hygiene and privacy standards at all, but if I were Rose that would really be on my mind. Hahaha...

I'm really happy you liked the religion references! Hehe, I totally relate to that as well, especially in such a quiet place. :P And then thinking about people reading my mind makes me think inappropriate things that I wouldn't have been thinking if I weren't paranoid... it's a vicious cycle. Thank god Legilimency isn't real. :P

Aha, I shall go and fix it once I'm done responding. :)

Richard is being way too non-suspicious of Rose because he likes her, though in those days there was no Internet of course and since they're in a rural area she can trick him a little.

Aw, I know. :( Poor Ellyn, she really doesn't have much of a chance. Rose's interactions with her were quite interesting to write as they're so different yet Rose finds that she can talk to Ellyn in ways that she can't with others in the 15th century.

Angry monks! I re-read that when I was posting this and was just laughing so hard that I'd actually put it in, I'm glad you liked it. :P Thanks so much for the awesome review, and I can't wait to post the next chapter!! :)


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Review #28, by patronus_charm Fotheringay

17th March 2014:
I loved how Rose could still be so calm and normal about the situation, especially in regards to the toilet, because if it was me I would be freaking out big time! I really liked how you included all those thoughts about her friends as it drew her closer to me as a reader and made me understand what she was missing by being in the past with Richard. You also captured this lovely spirit about her with the way she sort of bounded around and had all of this energy and I really loved that.

The aspect of religion was explored really well here and I really enjoyed reading it. It was so funny seeing a modern person going through all these elaborate rituals because to the people in those times, but just seeing Rose there highlighted how arduous it all was and how much times have changed. Then Hermione’s standpoint made me laugh at lot because it just seemed so her with the way she always looked for logical and never something more, it was just nice to see her characterisation shine through there.

Aw, Rose’s conversation with Richard was so awkward yet so adorable at the same time. He’s so considerate and sweet, in fact, when I think of their relationship I imagine it to be like what he had with Elizabeth of York, this sort of forbidden love you can’t but have. I loved how Rose just made up a title for herself and made Ron a baron, I bet he would love to that! Gah, I have so many questions if the Earl of Warwick is going to feature in this, is Richard going to marry Anne? Then his thing with Elizabeth, what’s happening with that? I’m hoping nothing is the answer because he and Rose are so sweet!

I loved her sort of heart to heart with Ellyn, it’s really nice to see that she’s beginning to have some friends there (now I feel as if I’m Rose’s mother :P). Aw, and she has a crush of George, I guess he always had that bad boy feel for him so I could see why she would. I really can’t wait to see how the banquet goes because I’m feeling something big might be about to happen!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Me too! Rose is used to luxury - anything is more luxurious than this, to be honest - but I decided that she had to sort of accept it or else blow her cover and make a big scene. :P Haha I'm really glad you liked hearing about her friends and her thoughts about being there. She's so much fun to write and in this chapter she's sort of sneaking around and biting her tongue and holding back while going slightly crazy with confusion and the need to brush her teeth, so it was quite fun to write. :P

Thank you! Talking about religion and superstition and how it would appear to somebody like Rose was one of the things I was most excited for with this story. I agree with her, it would feel so pointless if she wasn't getting anything out of all the praying. Haha, Hermione here is in most ways a reincarnation of my own mom, and that is just something my mom would say. :P

Yes! He is really nice to her, in his way. He really has no idea how to interact with women especially mysterious ones like Rose - he knows there is something suspicious about her but is ignoring it for now. Ron would totally love to be a baron! Hehe, well you'll just have to wait and find out - it is as much as possible going to follow historical canon (or fact?). The Anne thing and the Elizabeth of York thing are a little problematic in terms of TOS but I have a plan to work around it, sort of. :)

Haha! Aw, yeah I really like Ellyn, she's so sweet and innocent. Yes, the George thing might pose some problems for her. There is something big which happens at the banquet, though it is a little subtle and I'm quite excited to see if people notice it! :D And that's all I can say for now but I'm really excited to put the next chapter up.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! :D


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Review #29, by marauderfan Richard

11th March 2014:
Hi Jenna! Ah, I'm sorry it's taken me ages to get here and read this marvellous chapter. But anyway. Yay! I love the background on Richard in this one, from his perspective, and all the information about the kingdoms and his brother - I just love the attention to history and the wonderful spin you put on it. Your style of writing, with your vivid descriptions and wonderful characters, really makes history come to life.

So she lost the potion. That's definitely going to cause some problems later. I have a feeling she'll be around in the past for a while this time...

I loved the discussion between Rose and Richard in the field. Rose is able to get away with quite a lot, in terms of her colloquial speaking, being very forward and free! It might cause problems ifshe decides to stay at the castle, no matter how hard she tries not to embarrass him. But I think she's in for a rude awakening when she finds out what life is like for most women in that century (especially given her history with Scorpius, and what Richard said - or rather didn't say - about gender roles  in the 1400s). I don't think Rose will like it. I certainly wouldn't!

Ooh, and I'm really curious to know the story with Scorpius. Something tells me it's much more than she let on. I hope we find out soon. Speaking of things I want to find out and still haven't forgotten about, I am still curious about the pigeon incident! :p

This was another fantastic chapter - keep up the great work. :)

Author's Response: Hi Kristin! :)

Not at all! I'm just glad you're still reading this story, it makes me so happy to get your lovely thoughts on it. I'm pleased you liked hearing from Richard - it's funny, when I first starting writing this I had no idea I was going to slip into his point of view so frequently, but it's quite fun. Wow, thank you! :) I'm so pleased you think history is being brought to life! :D

Haha yes, more about the potion later! :P And she's definitely here for longer than a few hours this time.

Yes! Rose is going to get into trouble, and she's very differently minded from the people in the past. And she's going to have some difficulty reconciling herself to the treatment of women as well. Richard is quite fascinated by her, so she gets away with it a little, but he has his darker, masochist side too, inevitably. I wouldn't like it either!

Hehe, I promise to tell more about Scorpius (in fact, there's a whole half-a-chapter dedicated to their saga!). And the pigeon incident! Gah, there's never the perfect time to introduce it. I promise not to hold out forever however. :P

Thanks so much for the lovely review! ♥ I just put the next chapter into the queue - this story is just so fun to write and update. :)


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Review #30, by ShadowRose Prologue

7th March 2014:
Hello, I'm here for Blackout Bingo!

I was scrolling through your Author's Page, and the phrase "War of the Roses" caught my eye, and the history nerd in me positively died. I've read far too many books on that time period, so I was really excited to see a fanfiction story that centers around that era.

I could go on for days and days about how much I adore your writing style, and all its eloquence, but that's probably a waste of space, and I know you probably already know how amazing your description and voice is throughout your work. I absolutely adore the changes in perspective here - particularly the part at the beginning, where you've personified time, and show how the story plays out through meddling with time, and how Time extracts its revenge. The quilt metaphor was absolutely brilliant as well, and I loved reading that part.

It's really powerful that Rose is basically dying as a punishment for her meddling in time, yet, she doesn't regret it. Clearly, there's some strong attachment between her and Richard, because she's willing to die for the time she spent with him. On the other hand, I think you've also showed that with Richard as well. His wife definitely has that overbearing, superior attitude, and I can see why he might have gone after Rose despite being married - their marriage certainly isn't a happy one. I'm actually really excited to see how you play with his character, because Richard's often thought of as the villain, so it'll be interesting to see how you adapt his character here.

Gah, I'm only like 2500 words in and I'm obsessed. From the start, you've woven such an intricate and powerful story and I really can't wait to read more whenever I get the chance.

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi Taylor! :)

Yay for history nerds! :D I'm always excited when somebody who loves history stumbles upon this story and gives me their opinion. It's such a fascinating time and a lot of fun to write in.

Aw, thank you! :) You're so sweet, I really appreciate all your lovely comments. I'm glad you liked the changes - I played around with this chapter quite a bit and there was this whole other scene which just got cut completely, so it's great to get positive feedback. I'm pleased you liked the quilt metaphor as well, it was a fun way to think about time.

Yes! It's quite complicated, but she is basically being punished and things have gone very wrong. She's also really not in her right mind at the moment due to the sickness and her desperation. I'm glad you weren't a big fan of his wife as well - she is a bit of a villain but never really stands a chance against Rose. I'm glad you're excited to see him change from villain to more anti-hero, I think, as he keeps some of his dark history.

I'm so pleased you liked this, this review was just beautiful! ♥ Thank you so much!


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Review #31, by Penelope Inkwell Hunt

3rd March 2014:
So, I loved this chapter. Unsurprising. First interaction between Rose and Richard! And it was so heart-rendingly short! That’s the last time he saw her? My heart!

I ship them so hard already, and I’ve seen them together for like 20 seconds.

You do a lovely job with working in the speech differences. Richard is understandable, but obviously from a different time, so good job with that! I feel like it’d be hard to get it just right, but you’ve done it.

Have I mentioned how much I like this incarnation of Rose? She grows on me more and more every chapter. I like how you’ve made her a sort of every-girl. And I don’t mean that like the dreaded “Mary Sue” term. I just mean that, despite her famous family and brilliant mother and all, she’s fairly normal. Endearingly flawed. It’s a different depiction from what I usually see, and I like how you’ve done it.


CC:
Really, it’s all just little spelling/word choice details. I have nothing to critique in terms of content. :)

"it’s comforting and familiar weight”
--“it’s" ought to be "its”

"for it dug its long heels into the ground.”
--I read “long heels” and think of a rabbit or a hare. It doesn’t seem like a very horse-like movement/description. Maybe, “dug its hooves into the ground,”?

"How now, Rose, how I am supposed to proceed to quite uncertain.”
--I didn’t quite understand that sentence. But maybe that’s just me.

"Some of them I was perfectly fine pushing away, especially if their breath tasted of sick or whiskey (indeed, the latter was likely to induce the second on my own part)”
--This sentence structure seems a little wonky. Specifically, “The latter was likely to produce the second on my own part”. Following back, that would be, “[Whiskey] was likely to produce [whiskey] on my own part,” or at least that’s how it seemed to me. I thought you were maybe saying that if their breath tasted of sick, Rose might end up sick herself (a very relatable sentiment!), but I had some trouble understanding the sentence.

"was missing a tooth fan back in his mouth,”
--Is “fan” supposed to be “far”?

Anyway, so that’s all the nitpicky little things. But yeah, this chapter was excellent. I want more Richard and Rose! When can that be a thing that happens? Also, nice job creating chemistry between people who, from our perspective at this point...don’t know each other. That was a well written kiss, especially between strangers (I know that he knows her, but you know what I mean? Usually, by the time characters kiss, the audience has been waiting for it so long, it’s automatically a good scene. Since we haven’t been waiting in the same way, you had to work harder, and I think you pulled it off excellently! It was romantic and smoldery without being too much, considering the strangers thing). I read this chapter this morning and have been looking forward to getting back and reading more all day. I’m definitely hooked, and this story has officially been added to my Favorites list!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hola! :)

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! And yes, it is the first and last interaction in the past in a way, haha. It made me sad to write about it too, poor Richard! Hehe, I'm glad you're shipping them!

The speech differences are so tricky! I've been playing around with them quite a bit throughout the story so I'm really excited you thought they were well done. It's not quite authentic, but hopefully enough to show how they would sound differently to one another.

I'm really glad you like Rose! She's quite fun to write and her character feels very real to me, so I'm glad you feel that way. She has a lot of flaws, of course, but who doesn't?

Thanks so much, I've gone through and fixed those. :D I really should get a beta for this. :P

I'm glad you like them, and it will be a thing... eventually. :P I'm pleased you liked the way the kiss was written as well as it can be hard to write a good one! The timeline of this story is all messed up, which does make things like that more challenging so I'm really excited you liked the romanticness and strangeness. :)

Thanks so much for the amazing review, dear! ♥ It really means a lot that you're liking the story and taking the time to leave these lovely comments!


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Review #32, by patronus_charm Richard

28th February 2014:
*slides in pretending it hasn’t taken her an age to get here*

Ah, I adored this chapter – it was so cute and so many feels. I think it was the fact that this was from Richard’s POV which made me enjoy it so much because though we have seen him in bits, we really got to know him and his character here and how he could end up with Rose. I loved learning more about his family, because it was fun seeing these characters in somewhere other than PG’s books. I think my favourite bit was how Richard thought about Edward talking about Elizabeth because I guess Rose is his version of her as they have this ethereal quality and they’re rather different. I really want the two of them to meet so badly!

We got to know more about his childhood too with the softer mentions with his sister Margaret and how his whole family affected him and it was nice to see some positive points about them for once :P The thoughts about the stories from Agnes were especially lovely as we can see how much she affected him and I can’t wait to see the two of them interact some more.

Hehe I loved all the talk about Rose’s station and Richard wanting to know more about her background as it can only lead to good things, namely more developments on the romance side of things for the pair of them. I think the fact that he was glad that Rose had run away from her betrothed was the most squee worthy piece out of the entire chapter because it was so cute and yeah I can’t wait for them to be together even if they sort have been in the future of the past :P

Ooh one another small thing, I loved how you hinted at possible tension between Rose and Scorpius and how they had history and I can’t wait to find out more about the cause and reason for that. Well even if you hinted at a possible cheating going there I just want to know more. Also, Richard’s comments about infidelity made me laugh a lot because it’s nice to know that the respect for women has grown over the years!

Such a great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D

Not at all! I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, I've been so busy with the battle. :P

Thank you! :) I'm really glad you liked it as I was a little uncertain about it. I started writing this chapter from Rose's perspective, but really wanted to get into Richard's head a little, and I'm glad you like him. I hope you like my interpretations of them! I'm trying to steer clear of PG's portrayals and base them off historical information, but of course that's what she did as well so it is a little difficult. And maybe they will meet in the future! :) Hehe.

Haha yes! I imagined that at this stage in his life and being home, he would have all these memories. I love writing about Agnes and Richard's childhood, and of course it's quite important to the story, so I'm really glad you liked that.

Richard definitely has a little crush... or whatever he might call it in those days. :P He's very intrigued by Rose and I'm glad you liked the betrothal story, hehe. This gives Rose a chance to think on her feet and Richard to be blinded from logic a little in believing her, to be honest. :)

I promise to tell you guys all about Rose and Scorpius... well, some day! :P There's a big reveal and explanation in a later chapter which I've written already and am quite pleased about. And yes, this period was really not the best time to be a woman, as Rose might discover!

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, Kiana! ♥ I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story! :D


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Review #33, by Penelope Inkwell Rose

20th February 2014:
Hola!


So, I’ve been looking forward to reading more of this story. The past week has been madness, and this is the first chance I’ve had to get some reading done, and, lo and behold, who do I see posting for a review swap? I immediately knew what I had to go read (though, honestly, I would’ve read it anyway).

“I like it when I can see your eyes, Rose.” Haha, this is just such a mom line! In high school I was on the color guard, and our parent sponsor (sweet, sweet lady) was always ordering me to, “Get your hair out of your pretty face!” I totally feel Rose’s pain.

I remember that article! I love that that’s how you begin this whole adventure--with an allusion to a newspaper article about the person she’ll soon be meeting. What’s even cooler is that it really was a famous article, not just made up for plot convenience. It makes me feel sort of in on it, if that makes any sense at all?

The bit between Ron and Hermione about how to properly wave a wand is so great. Takes me right back to the days of “Levi-OH-sah”. :D

This exchange is all that is adorable in this world”

“‘I’m not old,” Dad pouted, sitting down and dropping his wand rather clumsily on the table in front of him. “Though it’s sometimes hard to believe I have a daughter old enough to have a paying position at the Ministry.

‘Don’t worry, you don’t look a day over twenty-seven,” I reassured him, patting his arm amicably. “And I don’t get paid much.’”

Haha, as bosses go, I think Hazelhurst might not be so bad as a boss. There would, at least, always be plenty of entertainment. I love that even your smaller characters are so fleshed out. Within a few lines of description and dialogue, I already feel as though I know them, have worked with them for years.

Cecelia sounds like one of those friends. You know the ones? They’re actually fantastic, and you couldn’t do without them, but when you try to describe them to someone else, they don’t like them until they meet them.

Poor Rose, with her NEWT results. I mean, that could totally happen. Come to think of it, the wizarding system of employment is kind of awful, isn’t it? It all depends on standardized testing. Yikes! So much pressure! The SAT was bad enough.

I adore this part: “As a boy, his nurse had told him tales of Faerieland, where nymphs and sprites danced until the dawn tickled them, where fairies drank mead from acorn cups and reveled, drawing mortals into their bowers and dens. He had thought sometimes, as a small child, looking at his elder sisters, famous beauties, and his elder brothers, strong and strong-hearted golden young men, that he himself was a changeling child, a fairy child, dark-haired and sallow and small and weak of limb, brought from Faerieland while his mother’s own babe, golden and mighty like his brothers, had been spirited away to join the revels and be a pet to the Faerie queen.”
--first off, the phrasing is just gorgeous! Second, it immediately makes Richard so relatable. You feel for him. The Faerie bit you wove in, with the notes of being a changeling/outsider, and Faerieland (a place where all was happy) not existing, and Rose being his Faery lady, was a stroke of genius!

I am so eager to see them meet each other. Everything about this chapter is brilliant. I didn’t actually find anything to give CC on, which pretty much never happens. Rose strikes me as a bit young and lazy, but that’s actually a realistic portrayal of a normal person. It makes gives her lots of room to grow, and makes her a bit more normal, so to speak. I like the versions where she seems so much “Hermione’s daughter”, too, but it’s really nice to see a version of Rose that is more like Ron (and, let’s face it, all of us mere mortals). 

I love this. And I will definitely be reading on! Thanks for the swap!


--Penny

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad to see you back! :D

Hehe, I'm glad you liked that line! It really is SUCH a mom line and was inspired by the kind of thing my mom says all the time. I'm happy you can relate!

I'm so excited that you know about the article and how this was big news - that's so cool! Yay, it's lovely to know how you like how it tied in and that the reader is in on the story. I love that!

Haha, that was my intention! I imagine Hermione nagging Ron and Ron being silly all throughout their marriage. I love writing them as adults - I'd be terrified to write them as children! :P

I'm glad you found it adorable! And yes, Hazlehurst really isn't bad at all, even if Rose's job is quite boring and unfulfilling.

That's exactly Cecelia! She's a lot more likable when she gets a little more screen time, I think. :P

Ah, I know! I would hate to be a wizard going into the wizarding world of employment, it's even scarier than the Muggle one I'm facing at the moment. :P Rose is a little lazy and had some bad luck with the exams, but that only makes me like her more to be honest. :P

I'm so happy you liked that section. I loved tying in the faerie mythology and what people might have thought in those times. The changeling thing just fit perfectly with my idea of Richard. I'm glad you're excited for them to meet!

Yay, I'm really glad you liked the chapter, and find Rose to be normal! She gets a lot better, and at the moment she's in a bit of a rut and doesn't let anybody forget about it. :P

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, I really love hearing your thoughts! :D


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Review #34, by GingeredTea The Burrow (Part II)

19th February 2014:
It is really striking how impulsive this girl is. I think I'd find it hard to write such a spunky character, so I applaud you for not just trying but pulling it off fantastically. Rose is so...bold/bright/cooky/happy(but not really) that it makes her just jump off the page!


...We already know this is mostly going to be full of gushing, right?...

Actually, you manage to capture that whole "Weasley" feeling so perfectly that I could just see it happening in my head. I loved the song (what a tradition Ron must have started - LOL) and Rose's reaction to them. And then how it just spirals out of control for her - that seems so much her dad that it made me laugh a bit. She has Hermione's brains, but she got all her dad's impulsiveness! Yet, she does actually appear capable of thinking and planning and I get the sense that she is just so BORED and wants to make things happen - wants/needs or doesn't know how to not be chaotic.

No one is actually about to discover her purse, but there is that impulsivity again! It was brilliantly orchestrated. If it's difficult to find a logical (I use the term for your writing, not actually for her actions which would be very logical to a level headed sort of girl) reason for drinking the potion, then it is a hundred times harder to present a situation that will seem realistic the next time - now she KNEW. Yet, here I am, amazed that you have pulled it off again - made it just HAPPEN - made me believe it, made me feel it along with her. Brilliant.

Then we switch to Richard and what a change - in place and time but also in character. Richard is thoughtful and careful and doesn't seem naturally predisposed to any kind of impulsivity. It is Rose who seems (or will) bring this impulsivity to him. That he will be the man who kisses her beneath the tree, seems so at odds with the man you present to us here.

The ending was nail-biting worthy! Oh man, I already known what will happen next but I was still feeling like I had to keep going! :D :D

LOVING this story! I check back often to see if it is updated (and yes, I just made a very undignified childish squeal when I noticed there was a new chapter). :D

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah! She is so impulsive. I didn't really plan her that way, but she sort of turned out as being this person who tends to defy rationality. Rose is funny though, how she's very bold and sassy in front of people she's comfortable with but can get shy and awkward in front of people she doesn't know. She's changeable and so much fun to play with and put in difficult situations, hehe. :)

Oh, nothing at all wrong with gushing. ♥

Wow thank you! :) I'm so glad, I just couldn't resist writing next gen with a bit Weasley gathering. The song! That couldn't be resisted either haha. I'm glad you find her like her dad, that was how I imagined her. She gets upset quickly and doesn't always think before acting... she's very unpredictable but that's what makes her interesting.

Haha you're right! She's way too paranoid here, she gets herself into unnecessary danger. I'm so glad you found that logical in terms of the story! I really wanted her decision to seem a little realistic and understandable. Thanks so much! This review is just golden and making me so happy.

Yes! Richard at this point is very loyal and stoic. He's very young and used to both obeying but being wary. I love how you can see the changes in his character and predict how he will evolve.

I'm so glad! :D Hearing the ending was suspenseful and exciting is just such wonderful praise.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter as well! :D


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Review #35, by Penelope Inkwell Prologue

12th February 2014:
Hey Jenna,

So, I obviously knew you were amazing, because I’ve already read SHADOW, and I’m pretty sure my review was basically a pile of gush (and deservedly so). But now, I’m just, like, agog at your talent. And also, Richard III/Harry Potter?! Brilliant. As a Theatre major and a lover of Shakespeare, I support this story idea 110%.

You are clearly an awesome person. Can we be friends? Even though I probably sound like a crazy person? I’m relatively normal, really. I just get really excited about good reading material.

Anyway, this story. How has it taken me this long to click on it? Your writing is gorgeous. That whole opening scene about Time...just, wow. And the rest as well. Your vocabulary choice is beautiful and varied, your imagery enchanting. The flow of your words is above reproach.

This is an incredible story idea and I am so excited to read it. Even though Richard III is (admittedly possibly in error) generally depicted as a villain (actually, that makes it better). And even though he’s apparently going to be cheating on his wife with Rose? Literary cheating usually sort of grosses me out and is something I generally avoid, but I’m going to make an exception, because this looks like a really excellent story.


CC (because I always do):

In the beginning, you refer to Time’s hand as “unwrinkled” in one sentence and “grizzled” a few lines down, which is just a small continuity thing.

"Materials concocted from the people of my own age.” I think “concocted by” might be better. Because my first thought was, ‘They’re making furniture out of people’s remains? What is going on in this hospital?’ But maybe that’s just me.

Starting with, “Everything is bleak,” you suddenly switch tenses for a few lines and then switch back. It may have been intentional, and really it kind of works, but I thought I’d point it out just in case.

And that’s it, really. This is just lovely. I’m in awe. Really great job--I can’t say it enough!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny!! :D Wow, this review is just $)@*)U. I'm sorry it took so long to reply as essays got in the way, but I really loved this and appreciated you taking the time to leave it.

I'm so glad you like the idea of the story and know about Richard III! :D Yay! I really love writing this and was almost surprised there wasn't already a story about Richard III on here... but then again, not too surprised. :P

Ummm YES can we be friends??!! I think you're very awesome too and I love what I've read of your writing and those are two signs of the beginnings of a wonderful friendship. ♥

Thank you! :D I'm so glad you like this prologue and the way Time is written. I played around with this chapter quite a bit so it's really lovely to get feedback on it. I'm so glad you like the writing and the idea! :)

Hehe, villains are quite fun to write. :) My rationale for it is that he was villanized (is that a word?) a lot by history but it's even more fun to turn that reputation around a little. Though, admittedly he does have some darker moments in the story. I agree about cheating - my argument for it here is that the time travel messes things up a little and there were lots of marriages for convenience and power back then, which still isn't good... but gives more room for moral cheating, anyway. :P

CC is always appreciated! :) I'm going to go and fix those ASAP. I'm not sure if I meant to change the tense there or not - probably not :P - so I'll get on that. Thanks! :D

Thank you so much for the beautiful review, my dear! :) I'm so glad you like it so far and really appreciate you leaving your thoughts. ♥


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Review #36, by GingeredTea The Burrow (Part I)

12th February 2014:
I love how easily you write both of these worlds and both of these Rose's. Here we see her at her best immature, impulsive, headstrong and jealous. But not, of course, before we see her as part of this big quirky family. I love your portrayal of Author - I think it must be hard to write a cannon character you've known so well one way and entirely different way and old age is just something that I haven't been brave enough to tackle (well, outside of Dumbledore). This paragraph is, of course, written with a bit of foreknowledge. LOL

I liked that we got to know a bit more about Scorpius - I admit I just don't know him very well because I'm just trekking into next gen, but you seem to have done a fabulous job with his backstory (I don't expect anything less).

You write carefree as well as you write angst, which is a talent I am still working on. LOL

Seriously though - you stop at all the worst *cough* best *cough* places!

I know this review is kinda short, but that's only because I'm brain-washed by school and I'll be back tomorrow to review the next one. Besides - you made this purposefully short to leave us at a cliffie!! ;-)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you like both the worlds and all the different sides of Rose. Yes, she really does not come across as very well in this chapter, and it's one of those moments which lets her be an immature kid again. I find that especially at that age people do act certain ways around their family and certain people bring things out, so I'm glad you liked it.

Ah I know, poor Arthur. :( Old age is really terrifying to write, but as I have some similar experiences in my own family it helps with writing about it and even using the story as a bit of an outlet.

I'm glad you liked learning more about Scorpius! This is mostly based on my ideas for the Malfoys after the war, and I like to shut Lucius up in Azkaban *evil laugh*.

Ahh, thank you! :) I think, for me at least, writing too much of one or the other gets a little exhausting so it's fun to switch between them.

Hehe, well suspenseful and foreshadowing moments are the best/worst. :P As I have seen from your writing as well!

This review wasn't short at all, I loved it! :) I'm so happy you're still liking the story, I love getting your thoughts on it. Thanks for the brilliant review!


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Review #37, by toomanycurls Hedgewitch

9th February 2014:
Hello!! :D

I can't tell you how happy I am to have a full chapter in the past. I love how well you've captured Old English speech with modern narrative styles. The details you added about wizarding society of this era are magnificent. I completely buy that there'd be a great deal of segregation of wizarding classes and that poor students wouldn't go to school for too long. Those details added richness to this story.

Agnes is immediately interesting. I really liked that she knew of Rose from a past (but for Rose future) visit where she said that she'd be back. I got a laugh out of Agnes listing all the Richards out there for Rose to be referring to.

Rose's relief when Agnes turned out to be a witch is completely understandable. It's interesting that witches and wizards are hunted down - I mean, they have magical ability to hide but I suppose spell work only goes so far with an angry mob.

The comment about Hogwarts: A History having a very specific view of the past was just spot on. I love playing with the idea that history is a story told from a non-encompassing perspective.

I could relate to Rose trying to frantically remember the history of England. I think everyone has a situation where they need to recall everything they know about something without a lot of prep or study.

When Rose starts to piece together the complexity of the journey she's on, it's just brilliant. I love that she catches that the Richard she first met was older and tehreby determining how their timelines intersect. Agnes telling Rose about her previous visit seemed to set a clear path for her to follow in order to actuate this line of events. Ah! It's so circular and genius.

Your unpackaging of wizarding society and the social classes through Agnes' experience was fantastic. I'm curious to see how this knowledge will influence Rose in her future actions.

Post more soon!!
-Rose

Author's Response: Hello again! :)

Ah, I can't believe you're here already! I'm glad you liked the whole chapter in the past - many more of that coming up, in fact. :) I loved writing it and playing with the speech and magical history so it's great to know it came across well. I'm glad you found the unfairness of education at Hogwarts realistic and that it added to the story.

I love Agnes, I'm really happy you like her! Haha, she is a little silly with all the Richards, though it's funny how I imagine it would be very common.

Yes! I felt it would be quite frightening to be a witch, and that unless they forced self-sufficient communities they would have to integrate with the Muggles. Witches like Agnes as well don't have the best education, so they might have more trouble defending themselves unlike the magical members of the aristocracy whose lives were more valued and had more skills. :(

Ah yes, I felt that the poor would have a different point of view and that history books can only tell a very small part of the story. Haha, poor Rose! She doesn't know much about history in general, and I'm glad you found that moment of needing to know something but not quite understanding it relatable. It reminded me of doing crosswords in a weird way.

I'm glad you like seeing Rose's thought process! The timelines are quite confusing, and it is a lot for her to wrap her mind around, but she is getting there. I don't even know how I'd feel in Rose's situation, knowing that certain things are going to happen in her future but those events being in other people's pasts. It's a little frightening but I'm really excited you like it. :)

Thank you for the brilliant review! :) I really love hearing your thoughts on this. Hmm, I guess I have to post more soon then... ahh! :P Thanks again!


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Review #38, by GingeredTea Barnard Castle

8th February 2014:
I really loved how you began this chapter with Richard, then made his abrupt transition into the 'present' with Rose confused still but ploughing ahead, almost superficiously pulled into 'normality' because she is surrounded by her best friends. Then you end it, once more with Richard, lonely and becoming hardened, and it is just beautiful. I really must brush up on this Richard fellow.

Okay, now onto some details about the stuff between the brilliant beginning and ending.

I really liked seeing Richard without Rose there to color our perspective. The way he ruminates on Rose you really get the feel that Rose is his only brightness, even in a time of peace when he is supposed to be happy.

Then we're back with Rose and she's confused, of course, but well-enough aware that she doesn't make her friend too suspicious. Beautifully executed, once more. You're choices in dialogue are really well done.

She falls back into being Rose, the impulsive bubbly girl who isn't quite mature and only sees the world from the way she is accustomed - except that is changing and I can see it and feel it at the edges of her consciousness. It isn't just about seeking out an adventure now - she is asking herself things. I am loving it all.

We manage to witness the ruins and I love that - again through a very natural transition.

And then you end it with Richard, darker and lonelier and no longer embracing the idea of Rose or his love for her - but pushing her away.

You end it on such a foreboding note and so captivating, especially since you have already established the idea that she will move farther and father in time each time - so we're always seeing a different Richard than she is. It's terribly wonderful and horribly unfair! ;-)

Once more, I simply love your writing and where you are going. :D

Author's Response: Hi Tory! :)

Ahh, thanks so much! :D It really makes me so happy getting the reviews from you on this story and all the lovely feedback. I'm glad you're liking the transitions between the characters and the eras, in Richard's case. It's both challenging but also a lot of fun to write.

Ah, Richard is such a villain in history! :P I think this story probably portrays him a little more sympathetically, though I do want that inner corruption to come through as well. I'm glad you like seeing him without Rose as well, and how she has affected him.

Haha, poor Rose spends a lot of time being confused. :) I'm glad you liked her reactions and how she's trying to be calm. I struggle a little with dialogue so it's really wonderful to hear you comment on it. :)

I'm so happy to hear you like how Rose is developing and changing. She really is going through a lot and starting to grow up as she's challenged more and more. I do love writing her so I'm pleased you do as well.

Hehe, I loved writing the ruins. History nerd moment. :P

I'm glad you find it captivating, that is such amazing praise. Richard's character is all over the place, and while Rose's character grows it's almost as if his character gets deconstructed through each section which I do love writing so much. Getting your feedback is so reassuring and helpful here.

Thanks so much for the brilliant review! :)


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Review #39, by GingeredTea Hunt

1st February 2014:
So I'm obviously writing this review with some foreknowledge, which if I might say so, is kinda fun.

I still remember that I was biting my nails when you had Rose go fetch owl treats thinking "okay, this is where is going to have Hugo/mum/dad/owl find/take this potion" but you didn't and I started breathing again. I like that you made me worry in the middle of something very...benign (I can't think of a better word for anti-angst right now).

The idea of Hermione planning when to have children down to their birthday made me laugh and seemed so...Hermioneish... lol

I'm still curious what Malfoy did. Foreknowledge isn't helping me here. I'm hoping you'll help me soon. Geesh, you see - I don't normally care about the romantic or he-did-this-to-me parts of stories. There you go again, dragging me not into liking historically based fanfics but ones having to do with ex-boyfriends. ;)

"Perhaps it was my frustration at Scorpius that made me do it, or my desire to escape the repetitive world of misgivings and submission. But that’s when I did it. I took the potion I had stolen from the Department of Mysteries. And I swallowed a tiny little sip, less than a mouthful. " This was excellently executed. I had tried to figure out how you'd make her do it, because despite seeming brash, she doesn't actually seem that 'rash' and your writing is exquisite so I didn't expect you to just throw it on us randomly. I knew you'd give us a good reason and you did. I could feel this with her, see her doing this, sense the emotion behind the impulsive move. Brilliant, beautiful. I actually said "ah ha!" when it happened!

Looking forward I love how you set up the Floo as part of her normal routine when you knew what a key it would play that we not think much when she says she 'continued to take the Floo'. You avoid her apparating until the proper moment perfectly. I love being able to think back and see these little details.

Then you go onto describe where she imagines she is going. It surprises us even more when she doesn't bring us there either.

This scene, as she finds her physical bearings but still struggles to find her mental balance, was also beautifully done.

There is so much I want to put into words about when she meets Richard - from the moment the ground shakes to the way you take the time to (accurately!) describe the wearings and mounts, to the moment Richard realizes she does not remember and she herself realizes what she has done - all of this was as powerful, exquisite and beautiful as the rest of your writing. This scene stuck with me so much that I hardly needed to reread it to recall all the details!

I loved your ending. This is the chapter at which I just could.not.stop.reading!!! :D You had me hooked right here.

"And so began the moments which would set into motion my new life."

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, I'm so glad you're liking this story! :D And yes, foreknowledge is a good way to look back and comment on the story.

Haha I'm glad you were nervous! That is quite funny, and I like the word benign for anti-angst as you said. Rose has gotten herself into a very sticky situation, and running some risks...

I'm glad you found it Hermione-ish! I've always had a bone to pick with that since my sister and my birthdays are so close together, and I felt it was something Hermione would do as well... or Rose would suspect her of doing. Hehe.

I promise to explain what Scorpius and Rose broke up over... well... some day! Ah I'm so glad it's interesting you. I think it's important to show how their relationship was and how it made them both a little immature and how that contrasts with Richard. :P

I'm so happy to hear you liked the explanation for why she took the potion. I feel like some people when they're irritated or upset or having the past dragged into the present become very impulsive, and Rose really wants a change. It's awesome that you liked it! :D

Hehe, I'm sneaky. :P Well, Rose is sneaky. One of the good things about writing a big chunk of this story over NaNo is that I had time to make sure all the pieces fit together. Good on you for noticing!

It's so lovely to hear you liked the scene where she arrived in the past, and how it was set up to lead to her confusion. It's such a pivotal scene so I'm really pleased you liked it. I loved writing it and how things might have looked from Rose's perspective. I'm so happy to hear you liked it, this really makes me so happy.

Yay for being hooked! :D This chapter was so important for me to write the story and it's amazing to hear it was important for you to keep reading. Thank you so much for the absolutely brilliant review! :)


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Review #40, by nott theodore Barnard Castle

29th January 2014:
Hello again! Ah, this story is so addictive! (I'm going to attempt to write a slightly shorter review this time...)

The opening to this chapter was brilliant. The return to Richard's thoughts helped to give us a real sense of the fragmented timelines that are central to this story, and the jumps helped reflect how sudden the time travel really is. His conflicting thoughts about magic were great - I wonder how he learns that Rose is actually a witch? The inclusion of beliefs about witchcraft at this time is a great detail that really help to make the story more believable - I'd never thought about the way the attitudes towards it at the time would make it harder for Richard to accept Rose, but now it seems so simple and obvious. He's got a real love-hate relationship with magic here and it makes me even more curious to find out how their relationship develops over the course of the story.

And back to Barnard Castle! It's really interesting that no time seemed to have passed at all in the present day while Rose was in the past - I wonder if it's going to be the same for all of her journeys? Or will she start having to explain her disappearances, or age prematurely from her time in the past? It's so intriguing!

I loved the way that you described the friendship between Maude and Rose, and how that had developed - it ties in well with the sense of time, that everything has its own history. Maude's character is really likable and she fits in well with Rose and Cecelia as a group of friends.

I also love the detail and thought that you put into this (and all your stories). The fact that Maude and Cecelia are Muggle-borns is still affecting their lives and the way they think, and that's probably not picked up on so much in the books at times. The whole idea about the wizarding economy and Ministry running alongside the Muggle one and all the complications that might cause is something I'd never thought about either, so it was really interesting to read about. And I loved the fact you showed these girls talking about current affairs - so many conversations in stories seem to be centred around boys and it's great to find a more realistic portrayal of teenage girls.

So Maude and Rose fell out for about a month, hm? Wasn't that around the time Rose and Scorpius broke up? Maybe there was something between the two of them, although I think you said that Maude liked girls - but she does attract blond guys...

It was great to see them going round Barnard Castle, and I loved the interactions you included with the locals (and the typical Northern friendliness!). All the thoughts Rose had going round the ruins were great, and I loved her reflections and the way she tried to convince herself it was really all a dream.

The efforts to avoid apparition make sense, if that is what's causing it. But she's going to end up doing so sometime soon, I know... Haha, of course Archie didn't notice her! I love Rose's innocence in this, the way she doesn't think that the Department of Mysteries are really using her as a guinea pig for their invention. I wonder what will happen when she finds out that Archie's not all he seems... (as I'm now convinced!)

The return to Richard at the end of this chapter was lovely too - quite sad though, but very poignant. It's a really pivotal point in his life, and I liked the fact that he acknowledged this would change him completely. He's generally portrayed as such a cold, heartless character in history (we can probably thank the Tudors for that!) and seeing this take on him is really interesting. I wonder if Rose will see him again after this point or not?

Brilliant chapter, and I hope Philippa Gregory does read it some day!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi again! :D Ahh yay I'm so excited you like it!

I'm glad you liked the opening and Richard's thoughts. Ah, the time travel is so jarring and confusing, and how he finds out she's a witch remains a mystery to everyone for some time, including Rose herself. :P I'm glad you liked those historical details - witchcraft would have been a very contentious subject so it felt important to show how conflicted Richard and others might be, but how they might be able to separate Rose from the idea of a witch in an odd way.

Ooh, good questions here! :P All I can really say is... that Time is very fickle and gives me headaches sometimes. Haha.

I'm glad you like Maude, and I love your observation about everything and everyone having individual timelines and history. I'm so glad that comes through, and this story is just so packed with detail so it's reassuring to know it isn't too overwhelming.

Yes! Since I decided to make them both Muggleborn it was important to show the differences on how they might have grown up. I find the ways that the wizarding economy and politics might fit into the Muggle system so intriguing, so it was a lot of fun to explore that here! Ah, I'm so glad you find them realistic: they do talk about significant others, sometimes, but this group especially are quite conscious of current events and problems in society.

Hmm, interesting observation there... :P Maude definitely does like girls, but that doesn't mean it's only girls who like her...

Aw, I couldn't resist throwing in some lovely Northerners! :) I'm glad you liked how Rose was recovering. She has a strange need to act normal while her head is spinning, and the whole thing is very difficult to wrap her head around.

Yes, hehe. Rose is trying quite hard to stay in control of the time travel, for now. Haha, well why would she suspect anything out of the ordinary? *smiles innocently* :P

I'm glad you liked the return to Richard, and how this time in his life affects him. He's so tricky to write - especially taking in the historical stereotypes, records of rather evil deeds, and Tudor propaganda - but I do love him anyway! (well, his character, potentially not the real guy). :)

Ahh, I would probably cry if she did! :P Thanks for the beautiful review, Sian, you really are too amazing! ♥



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Review #41, by nott theodore Hunt

28th January 2014:
Jenna! Ah, I finally found time to get here (I've still got work to do, but I'm ignoring that for now and rewarding myself for finishing my essay :P) and I'm not leaving until I've written this review!

Eep, where do I begin with this chapter? I'm restraining myself from squealing about Richard and Rose just yet, so I'll (try to) go from the beginning...

I've really, really missed your writing recently. It's been horrible not having the time to read all of your lovely stories, each one brilliant in its own way. I have to say that I think this is my favourite out of all of them so far though (although I still have to catch up on the rest of them!)

Your characters are just so vivid, and I think that's what I really love about this story. They all seem so real and alive that they could walk off the page (or screen, in this case) and into my life and I'd completely believe them to be a real person. All of the background stories and details that you give us through each chapter about all the different characters appearing here help to make them seem much more authentic; you're never scared to shy away from the things that make them human, the mistakes they make, the things that they do wrong, and I really love reading about characters like that.

Cecelia was one of those characters - she seemed really real, and I loved the back story, that she and Rose weren't friends at first. It's something I haven't seen often, and I liked the fact the two of them didn't go from being enemies to being best friends overnight, because I've read stories like that before and they just aren't believable for me. The way that Rose sketched over the details of the break up was really effective, too, because even in her own mind it's like she's trying to protect her best friend. The idea of them stealing made them seem more real, too - I've never understood it but lots of teenagers do it, and Rose definitely seems the sort of person to make rash (and sometimes stupid) decisions. The detail about the pet tortoise was brilliant!

Atticus, ugh. Pompous and a bit creepy.

I just realised that I still managed to write this all out of order... oops. So anyway, back to Scorpius - I'm really intrigued about his letter. I think this is possibly the first story I've read where Rose and Scorpius have been together and then broken up first, and I'm curious about what happened between them - did he cheat on her? The talk about forgiveness made me wonder that, especially the way that he sounded a bit desperate towards the end. I'm also wondering if they really were best friends before they got together, or if it's just him saying it to try and get on her good side.

Ah, I love the fact that this letter was the push she needed to take the potion! It makes sense that she'd be a bit apprehensive of it but then the letter she got made her reckless enough to take it.

I love the fact that nothing happened straight away, either! It kind of lulled me into a false sense of security with Rose, and I could feel her disappointment that nothing had really happened. When it did, though, it made the shock even greater for her. I'm really intrigued to know more about how this time travel potion works - presumably when Rose apparate with it in her system, she's taken back in time. The connection with the place was made apparent too, but I'm wondering whether she'll always go back to the same time period, or whether there'll be others as well.

Okay, so you already know how much I squeed over the fact that you took Rose to BARNARD CASTLE because it's an amazing place and eep. The connection between Maude's house and the fact that Richard lived there is great and I loved the way that you described it, too.

The transition into the past was so smoothly written, but also really clear that Rose had been taken somewhere different. It wasn't just the scenery that was different from what she was used to, but the activities that were taking place, and even the way people talked - I loved the fact you picked up on the Yorkshire accent but said it was different to the one she'd heard. Gah, it was just so perfect! And the way that they thought she was a boy in disguise because of what she was wearing, what they called her and everything else just fit in so well and made me feel as though I was reading a published historical fiction.

I wasn't even sure that it was Richard at first, because his attention to her was quite subtle and well hidden, but their meeting was so fantastic. Have your read The Time Traveller's Wife? Because this reminded me a little of that, where the two meet at various points in each other's timelines and have to deal with all the problems and confusion that causes.

But it was so cute, seriously! I already loved Richard enough from watching The White Queen, but the way that you wrote him just made me like him even more. He's so chivalrous and loving here, and I'm glad that Rose prepared him for this moment, when she'd meet him for the first time (although the timelines that involves are baffling me a little! :P). I wonder why they parted on bad terms last time she was there? I really want to know what happened, and I'm looking forward to seeing that.

The kiss was perfect! I wouldn't have thought I'd enjoy reading it so much but the way that her body seems to remember even though her mind doesn't makes me think that there's some deeper connection there which will constantly pull her back to Richard's time. I can't wait to see their relationship develop over the course of this story!

The last paragraph was great as well, with the run-on sentence that really emphasised Rose's racing mind and confused thoughts. There were a couple of tense mistakes there, but nothing major. This 'Time' figure is very mysterious! I'm not sure it is Time, but it was quite chilling all the same!

I've got loads more to say but I'm out of characters right now!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi darling! :D *tackles monster review*

Ah, I love you for leaving this! Hehe don't worry, this story is my favourite one as well I think. It makes me really happy that you like it. :)

I'm so happy to hear you like the characters as I do love them so. It's really lovely to hear that they feel real, and I wanted them to have flaws and faults which make them more interesting. It means a lot to get your feedback. :)

Yay, I'm so happy you like Cecelia! She's definitely a strong character and I liked imagining how she and Rose might have become friends. I'm glad their story of friendship seemed realistic - I liked the idea of not really knowing one another and kind of having a certain first impression, and then actually getting to know the other person. I feel like a lot of people's friendships sometimes start like that. Ah, about the stealing, I felt like it was one of those immature and a little recklessly unnecessary things that teenagers do, and wanted to show that Rose taking the potion wasn't completely out of character. :P Pet tortoises sound so cool! My friend has a pet one in his garden so that inspired the tortoise here.

Haha, oh Atticus...

Ah, Scorpius. I probably need to clarify this, though it is explained a little better in chapter seven I think, that he just means they were best friends while they were dating. :) He does get a little desperate and cheesy (ugh), but Rose does have a good reason for breaking up with him and not wanting to be with him. The whole thing is a little dramatic and rather immature. :P

I'm glad you liked her reasoning for taking the potion! For Rose, she wanted to take it and see what would happen, but getting upset gave her that reckless streak where for a moment she didn't care what the consequences could be.

Yes! :) The time travel is a little... complicated. At this point in the story, Rose has no real clue about how it works, and it is a little unpredictable as is the nature of time, hehe.

Omg yes! :D I know I've squee-ed about it too but it's just so so so cool that you've been there, gah. That is ridiculously awesome.

I'm glad the transitions between the time periods fit well. I find while writing this that there is a big distinction between Rose's actions in the past and in the present, and even her thought process in a way. It's quite curious. It's really amazing to hear the accents were okay as well as I have been fiddling with them for a while and trying to figure out how exactly to portray them. Hearing it felt like a published historical fiction just makes me so very happy! :D

I have read it! Either that or I've seen the movie... gah... I feel awful but it was a long time ago. :P Their timelines are quite messed up and confusing, and this leads to a lot of oddness of which this is only the tip of the iceberg hehe.

I'm so glad to hear you like Richard! :) I've put a lot of thought into making him unique and complex - he's a very morally ambiguous character and since I'm writing him across almost half his life his personality does have some adjustments. It really is wonderful to get such amazing feedback!

I'm glad you liked the kiss and the idea that her body seems to remember in some way. Such is the nature of time I suppose. :)

Ah, the tense mistakes were (sort of?) on purpose to show how time was getting all mixed up even in Rose's head and the prose - but I might go back and see if it fits better to leave it more grammatically correct. :P And yes, hmm, the figure is quite ominous... :)

Thanks so much for such a fabulous review!! :D I really appreciate it so much, you made my day! ♥


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Review #42, by GingeredTea Mysteries

25th January 2014:
Once more, you have done it - kept me captivated until the very end. I'm sitting here MAKING myself write this review rather than press that "Next Chapter" button, because I really really want more! Like Rose and the little potions. I would have done the same thing.

You have a real talent at making the mundane 'filler' parts just as captivating as the angsty, action-packed, mystical, etc. etc. parts. I mean, really - with most authors I would be skimming, but with you I devoured every word.

Brilliant.

I love Archie and have so many questions! Did he really forget to shave at home or did he go back in time? I suspect the last, since he also noted that he was got up late. The Floo wasn't working. All those injuries, too. Hmm...

Rose, you are a brave girl! Lets be honest - Hermione likes to portray herself as rule-abiding, but I could see her having done that same thing too...

Must read more.

I am really really really curious about Archie.

Gosh. I really mean it when I say you've got me hooked (in a bad and good way). I'm sorry if this review is a bit scattered - I just am trying so hard not to hit the Next Chapter! LOL

As always, I love your writing style. Beautiful. Captivating. Focused and fluid. :)

Tory

Author's Response: Hi again! :D

Yay for being captivated! I was a little worried that this chapter would be too boring so it's great to know you liked it. Haha, I think I would have stolen a potion too - I mean, they were right there, what was she supposed to do?!

Wow, thank you! That's a really great compliment, to know you liked the more explanatory parts. I feel that they are important in setting up for the action parts, and knowing they're interesting is wonderful.

Hmm, interesting questions about Archie and all the other things going on... curiosity is definitely good.

Hooked is good! :D Hehe, this review wasn't scattered at all. I loved it, and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave it! :)

Thanks for the lovely review once again! :D You're really making me such a happy author right now! :)


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Review #43, by GingeredTea Rose

25th January 2014:
I'm sorry this review is so late. I almost got done the chapter when I was interrupted by a small imp (AKA toddler) and had to do some magics of my own to get the imp to sleep again.

I just finished reading this now and am in love. The difference in the first part of the chapter as we learn of the 'normal' Rose seemed startling (in a good way) and then slowly seemed to make some sense in terms of the previous chapter as we learned about this new time turner. The last part was beautiful - a glimpse into the the mystical sort of writing that you used in the previous chapter. Was this scene with the man after the scene we saw with him in the last chapter?

I have so many questions but I'm not even sure how to phrase them! Agh. This story is just amazing. Once more I am in love with your unique flow. You have a clear ability to write not just in one style but in many (the sharp difference between the previous chapter, the beginning of this one, and the last of this one prove it - never mind your other story I've read) and that you use such different styles within the story is really captivating. It let me truly feel the difference between the current Rose and the Rose that will go on this adventure (although maybe using current and future is wrong since we're dealing with a fooled Time here).

I'm just in love. :D Please lets swap again. Actually...I'm going forward. If the Imp takes a long enough nap I'll even drop a review, otherwise I'll be ready for the next time we swap. :)

Enthralled,
Tory

Author's Response: Hi Tory! :) Don't worry at all - I'm a little late with this review response as well. I blame school - there really is no magic to deal with that. :P

I'm so glad you like the story! :) It's so wonderful to get your feedback. Yes, Rose is very different at the beginning than she is in the prologue, as the prologue shows her at her most desperate. For the most part, she's quite spirited and entertaining. I'm glad you liked the last part as well - it is set quite a bit after his appearance in the first chapter, and his timeline is quite mixed up and confusing and non-linear throughout the story, which is fun but confusing for me. :P

I'm so glad you like the different writing styles and how they fit together - it can be challenging, especially writing from different perspectives. Haha yes, Time is all kinds of mixed up in this story. :P

Thank you so much for the amazing review! :D It really means so much that you like the story, I really appreciate it! :) ♥


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Review #44, by Aphoride Prologue

25th January 2014:
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, how have I possibly missed this?! How have I not seen this before? Because, like, Tudors and medieval England is my thing - gah, I studied it, I love it, I read all the fiction about it! - and this is so amazing...

So yeah, I'm so so glad I've finally found/got a chance to read this - expect it to be added to my reading list and a favourite soon enough ;)

I loved the first section, I have to say that first. With time, and all that jazz, the talking about the map fo time, the way you described it almost like a tapestry or a piece of spun silk... such a beautiful, lovely metaphor! And the way, like how JKR did with Death in the Tale of the Three Brothers, you characterised Time, made him alive and person-like, gave him a personality and the capacity to feel emotion - hatred, spite, etc. Such a lovely addition! :)

I love the idea that Rose is suffering from going back in time, that she's, effectively, dying because of it, but she doesn't really regret it. It's such a powerful start (and end, I guess, in a way) for her and says so much about what happened and how she felt about it... she's such a wonderful character so far - a criminal, dying, still desperately in love, almost hopeless, clever... such a unique bunch of traits! I don't think I've seen a character quite like her before.

So, the king... Richard III... I'm so curious as to why you chose him. I mean, I think he's pretty fascinating (even more so since his body was discovered! - I'm guessing that's why you mentioned Leicester University? :P), but he's not known as a popular king... still, that just makes him more fascinating. I love the idea that somehow he fell in love with Rose, because she would have been a complete stranger in that era, no idea how to manage it, and, gah, I'm just so curious! :) I loved the little details of the time, as well, with the ermine over his shoulders and the doublets and things... so good! :)

Just as an fyi - I'm pretty hot on all the historical events around that time, peerage at the time, etc. so if you need anything to do with that, feel free to pm me and I'll help as best I can! :)

This is an incredibly unique idea and I love it already. I'm definitely going to come back to this and read on at a later date - favourite and reading list, for sure! Because I'm just going to have to finish this story - you've completely hooked me! :)

I love this. Seriously.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, another history lover! :D I'm so glad you got a chance to come check this out, it's so exciting to hear from others interested in medieval England. :)

I'm glad you liked it! I really loved writing it and imagining what it might be like to see Time. I really loved that metaphor as well so I'm really glad you commented on it. I felt that in a time travel story, it's all pretty unbelievable anyway, so throwing in Time as a character would help with the fantastic quality to it.

Yes! Rose has to pay a price for her actions, and I felt like it was important to play around with the timeline throughout the story even if it gets a little confusing. :P It really means a lot to hear you like her character so far - of course, she still has a long way to go before getting to that point, but I do love writing her so much.

Haha yes, good picking up on Leicester University there. :P I'm not really sure what draws him to me either, I suppose because he's so infamous and controversial that it's a challenge to turn him into an appealing character. I'm really interested in historical propaganda and how history sees Richard, and despite having such a bad reputation his actual personality is quite unknown and his life is tragic in its way. I could never write a time travel romance about Henry VIII, for example. :P

Ah I will definitely take you up on that! :) I've been a little slower on writing this story since NaNo ended but the part I'm working on now is very political and involves a lot of historical detail, so I need all the help I can get. :P Thank you!

I'm so excited that you liked this, and I hope you continue to enjoy it! :D This story really is my baby and I get really excited about it, so hearing that you like it is really wonderful!

Thanks so much for the beautiful review! :D ♥


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Review #45, by toomanycurls The Burrow (Part II)

24th January 2014:
Review swap x2

Your CI is yummy :)

I loved watching Rose use Louis and Al as her spies to figure out what Scorpius was up to. Though, I got the feeling that Scorpius' presense there wasn't just about her. I kind of wonder if some of their relationship toxicity was because she wouldn't bring him around the family.

Oh man, what a burn about Molly being the next Umbridge. ouch

I like Matt (my husband's name is Matt). he's clearly a nice, attractive guy. :D

There are parts of the converation with Rose and Al where I can't tell if he's being funny or slow. Maybe both. Rose's assertion that everyone would want to save her from a Malfoy and that she's grandad's favorite do a great job showing her high opinion of herself.

You did a wonderful job with the quiddith scene and all the renditions of Weasley is our King. I would be surprised if word of her dating Scorpius didn't get around once 5+ people knew.

I wanted to cover my eyes as Rose hit the bludger that hit Matt in the face. Oh the tension between her and Scorpius! She feels horrible about hitting Matt and all in a knot over Scorpius - I can understand why she'd storm off and do more of that potion. O.O MORE TIME TRAVEL!!

Wait, the year is 1968? should it be 1698?

Reading your sections from the past makes me feel like I've flipped open a Philipia Gregory book. :) it's just wonderfully well-written and perfect for the period. I love Richard's reflections on his life and past. Agnes' voice is a great mix of her accent and regular/modern pronounciation. It's enough to feel like she has Cockney accent but not so much it's impossible to read. I take it this is the first time in Richard's life that he's met Rose (at least that he remembers). She's clearly quite striking and intrigues him (with more than her bare ankles).

Incredible chapter!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hello again! :D

Ah, I know right?! He's just the perfect Scorpius. Even if Scorpius kind of sucks here.

Haha, Rose is so manipulative of those two! :) She would do the same for them, however. That was definitely a part of it: we haven't found out much about what they were actually like while dating, but there were more problems than Scorpius is willing to admit to when he's trying to make up with Rose.

Umbridge insults are most likely the worst thing to say to someone in the Weasley family, I think.

He's being a bit of both! Oh dear, I hope you don't think Rose is too full of herself! She's lovely, really, she just likes to blab and be overly confident when she's upset. :P

I figured that in such a big family, not everyone would have the energy to care about what individual cousins were doing at the time. I figured that while Ron/Hermione and Harry's families would be extremely close there wouldn't be as much between the other branches. But yes, she did do a good job of keeping it secret.

I know! :( Poor Matt, I felt pretty sorry for him. I felt awkward just writing that scene.

It definitely should not be 1968. NUMBERS HATE ME! :P

Yay! I'm so glad you like the historical sections. They're a lot of fun to write if the language is a little difficult, gah. You're right, Richard is very confused at this point, but he knows something is up. :P And how could he be expected to resist the ankles? They would be quite exciting.

Thanks for the amazing review! :D I'm so happy you like the story!


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Review #46, by Pixileanin Prologue

23rd January 2014:
This was a very poetic start to the story. Your prologue was so enticing. I loved that lead-in line that you transitioned with:

"The girl prefers to tell her own story"

That was the perfect thing to start off a first-person narrative! Your imagery is startling, making me curious about your character. She has a heightened sense of her surroundings, like she's not meant to be there and she knows it. Whatever she has, it sounds like it's self-inflicted. She's done something to make herself this way, or she's caused something to come back from the past. And oh, Time is very angry. I like this personification of Time. It's almost like a character... or maybe it's meant to be one, which would be really cool.

I love how you've connected these two last scenes, with the wife who is wishing ill to the woman who took her husband's heart away. Her mannerisms are fascinating, and really ground us into the time that you've brought us back to. I am already not liking this man, even though I don't know who he is. You've written him so cold, so distant. I can tell that his head is miles away from everywhere. He doesn't even care. He's obsessed with something he can't have, and he knows it. I love how you bring about the way his wife curses him and calls his distraction a "sorceress". At the moment, this leads me to believe that these are muggles, but then, only Time will tell. And the connection to the necklace that you spoke about in the scene previously, that was just really cool. A lot of times, when I read prologues, there are so many questions, but not enough substance. Here, you've given us something to grab onto in the story. You've given us so many questions that need to be answered, but you've also made us feel like we KNOW something, that we have connected to the story already. I appreciate that you dangled enough in front of us, but still let us have a taste of what is to come. I am very intrigued.

Your writing voice for this is so wonderful. I really enjoyed reading this piece.

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so glad you found it interesting! I played around with the prologue quite a bit so it's lovely to hear when people like it. I was a little worried about all the different point of views and jumping around in time, so I'm glad you liked that transitionary line. :)

She is definitely not supposed to be there! And yes, it is mostly her fault, so I'm glad it's coming across that way. I really liked writing that section and how feverish she is, so it's great to know you liked it. Time is a bit of a character... in an abstract sort of way. :P

Thank you! It's really helpful to know that the characters seemed to set up in the era. It's interesting that you don't like him at the moment, he really is quite negative in this scene and at this point in his life.

I like your use of "Time will tell." :P

I'm glad you noticed the necklace! :) And I'm really glad to know it seemed as if there was an appropriate balance between the substance and questions, as you put it. It's sort of both vague and specific at the same time (well, for me at least!) so it's wonderful to hear that the chapter is intriguing.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :D


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Review #47, by GingeredTea Prologue

18th January 2014:
This had a truly eerie beginning. I like how you jump into the story by giving us a sense of the ethereal mysterious mood of the story.

I have no idea what is happening yet (rolling review), but that isn't stopping me from being hooked. Honestly - I can hardly be minded to stop and comment I'm so focused on the story!

You have a way with words that I simply love. Your flow is unique and slow but powerful and I love your descriptions and the way you can set the atmosphere not with excess details but with the small things like the feel of the wall against her hand and the plastic beneath her feet. And Time - I love the ever presence. Loving!

And then you introduce HIM. Who is he? When did they meet? How were they torn apart? How did time manage this? Ahh! See? You are driving me mad (in a good way) with this beginning!!

We must swap again VERY soon. I'll be wondering about this all night.

Thank you for the great read!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked it! I definitely hoped the beginning would be eerie, even if the whole story isn't quite like that. It's a lot of fun to write. :)

It's great to hear that the story is drawing you in! That's just what I hoped for.

Wow, thank you for your lovely comments about my writing style! It's amazing to hear that you think it's unique. :) Time is quite creepy, and I'm pleased you liked how it came across.

Hehe, well it will be quite a while until your questions are answered satisfactorily, but hopefully that's a good thing! :) I'm really glad you found it suspenseful and exciting!

Thank you for the amazing review! :D


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Review #48, by toomanycurls The Burrow (Part I)

18th January 2014:
Review swap part 2!

Most people don't specify who magically fortified the Burrow but I LOVE that you have Molly having done it. I dunno, she's clearly powerful but few ever really attribute great magic to her.

Quite clever of Rose to convince Hugo to ask for a portkey. That's something every older sibling knows how to do (talk their siblings into doing something they'd rather not do). oh dear, competitive cousins just doesn't sound pleasant at all. It does seem realistic though that with a family that large they'd compete wtih one another.

I really like that, despite having enough money, George and Angelina had their kids work for money. Rose's views on Ron, Harry, and Hermione are pretty interesting. I like how she internalized Harry's life growing up and his relationship with her parents. Confounding cousins for extra bites of food is hilarious and perfectly slytherin of Lucy.

The comparison of Molly expanding with her family where Arthur seemed to shrink in size was quite lovely. It's a beautiful idea.

:( You're kind of breaking my heart with Arthur getting up there in age. I like to pretend he'd live to be as old (and well preserved) as Albus. But you do describe mental and physical deteriorated quite well - too well. Family dynamics behind elderly care is not any fun either. oh but you did manage to make it hilarious with your nod to Draco/Hermione.

I enjoy reading Louis and Rose's relationship. They seem like such good friends for cousins. Roxanne does seem very vivacous.

I'd like to see more Charlie!

O.O Scorpius is there? Why oh why?

You do a wonderful job not just explaining the relationship between Rose and Scorpius but a brief history of the Malfoys after the war. Their detention earning actions are funny and fitting for each of them. Of course they were snogging in their detention. I quite like Rose. :D

UGH! What happened in June!??!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I agree- Molly's powers are totally underrated. I imagined that she would have just as crucial a part to play in fortifying and building the Burrow: I'd love to see somebody write a fic about the building of the Burrow someday!

Haha yes! I totally inspired that from my tricking my sister into doing things for me, it usually works. I agree, there would be some competition there especially since some of them work in similar lines of work and have strong personalities. I imagine there would be some disagreement among the cousins and that they'd all be very different.

I'm glad you liked that detail! I felt that the Weasley parents would want their children to learn hard work and how to earn what they have, not to become entitled little brats. I quite liked writing about the Trio from Rose's perspective: it feels a lot safer than writing a story from one of the Trio's POV. Haha, Lucy is such a Slytherin. :P

I'm glad you liked that! I really like writing about aged characters and problems with physical and mental deterioration: it's a heartbreaking family issue which hardly any of us are spared from. Haha, I'm glad you noticed the Draco/Hermione acknowledgement - I just couldn't resist.

Yes, Louis and Rose get on quite well. Louis is a bit of a pushover and Rose is the one with the crazy schemes.

Charlie! I'm glad you liked his mention, maybe he'll have to make an appearance in the future when he takes a break from the dragons. :)

It's great to know you liked the background on the Malfoys and Scorpius- I felt it was quite important to give their relationship and family dynamics a context. I like a little Lucius-bashing too as he is like, the worst, so this was a way for me to do that. Haha, Rose and snogging in detention really is making the best of a bad situation. :P

It's a secret! (for now). Hehe.

Thanks for the awesome review! :D You're so far along in the story now! :)


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Review #49, by LilyLou Prologue

17th January 2014:
Jenna!

Oh my gosh! This is absolutely beautiful! I can't tell you why I haven't read this before! It's just too perfect; I hope you make it an Original Fiction! That would be great! I've seen some stuff floating around the forums about that, and I certainly hope it comes true. I will buy it if it is!

Your writing is so beautiful *sobs* I hope to have your talent some day! Your word choice is stunning, and weaves perfectly together into gorgeous sentences! Just oh my gosh! It's perfect!

I'll be reading on. Well done!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hi Janelle! :D

Ah, thank you! :) This review is so wonderful and perfect, it really made my day. I'm so happy you like this so far, and think it might be a good OF- that really means so much! :)

Thank you! *blushing* It's so wonderful to hear you like my writing style as well.

Thanks for the beautiful review, and I'm really thrilled you liked it! ♥


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Review #50, by ReeBee Prologue

16th January 2014:
Wow! So interesting! Oh and I'm so sorry for the lateness of this review, something unexpected came up :) Anyway! Well, considering that this is a prologue, I'm just going to fangirl, as I have no CC :D

Anyway! SO INTERESTING! Ooh! A girl and a guy from the past? A guy with a wife? Well, is there any romantic interaction between the girl and the guy!?? Obviously u can't tell me, so these are just pointless, but, I'm being expressive ;)

My favourite was the first part! LOVELY IMAGERY! I seriously read through those lines thousands of times! And the part about the unwrinkled hand! Squee! So vivid and just so lovely! And of course, the prologue itself was super interesting! Great job! And the woman thinking those thoughts about the girl- ("I hope she loses all her hair, that she insisted on wearing so loosely and freely. I wish the white teeth would fall from her gums like dripping icicles, that darkness would forsake her fair skin, that her eyes would fade a milky dull."), made me laugh so much!

Anyway, great job! Thanks for another amazing review swap! :D

Author's Response: Hello! :) Don't worry at all, and hey, fangirling is always appreciated!

I'm glad you find it interesting! :D Yes, it's a cross-century romance with lots of juicy details and confusion. You'll just have to keep reading and find out! :P

It's great to hear you liked the beginning! I quite liked imagining it and making it a little descriptive and magical. Haha I'm glad it made you laugh- it was supposed to be a little extreme and silly. :)

Thanks for the lovely review, I'm really honoured you liked the chapter! :D


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