Reading Reviews for The Fall of the Town
  
38 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MidnightBlue_x The People of Hamlin

17th December 2013:
Hi, this is ElysiumJayne from the forums here to fill your review request! I completely forgot to mention it, but I usually review three chapters at a time- I'll just review the first one for you now but if you'd like to do the others then either post in my review thread or send me a PM and I'll be more than happy to. Anyway, let's get started.

The first thing I noticed about the chapter was the little folk song you included. I don't if that's actually a song or if you wrote it, but I think it adds to the feel of the chapter really well. You were concerned about the descriptions in the chapter- Personally, I loved them. From the very first word I was drawn in. I just love the language you used to describe everything- I could picture everything in my mind as you described it. I think that's a very rare thing in fics nowadays. I liked the background you gave, I thought that was very interesting and very detailed too.

I loved how some of the names were familiar, like Pettigrew, Bones and Peverell. I think having that connection to characters that J.K created means that they are easier to connect to because there is that sense of familiarity even if it only stems from a name. I loved how you described the Peverell's and what led them to Hamlin. I love Marigold, Blind Johnny and Trip- especially the part about Trip's magical powers and how he always 'knew'. That sort of feeling is what I imagine some muggle-borns would feel, so I thought that was captured brilliantly. I'd be interested to learn more about these three in particular.

I also really liked the plot, especially how it's sort of the reversed story from the books. The muggles getting rid of the wizards instead of the other way around- it's all very exciting! The transition into the building of Hogwarts was amazing. It's not something I've ever read before, but I really enjoyed how you described it. I especially liked how it wasn't just about the founders of Hogwarts, but also included their families- that was incredibly interesting to me.

I think that this is a marvelous first chapter. For me, it really reads like a classic legend of the time and I think that your ability to do that is amazing. To put it quite simply, I love this story already and I think it really has the potential to be absolutely brilliant. I think the language and the tone you've used fits perfectly and I really like how the whole chapters flows together.

I hope this review helped you in some way, and feel free to re-request if you'd like the next two chapters done (I do technically owe you those!).

x Ely

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

Wow, thank you so much for this really thoughtful and detailed review! That's so nice of you to offer to do the next ones- I feel a little guilty requesting some of these chapters since they're so long, but I'd love your opinion on the other chapters and the flow of the story if you don't mind! :D

I'm glad you liked the song- I wrote it as a sort of preface to the story and all the chapters have a little song like that at the beginning. :) It's really great to hear you liked the descriptions and that they helped bring the story to life for you as they did for me while writing it. One of my favourite parts of the story was constructing the idea of Hamlin with the background information, so I'm very pleased that came across as important and believable and didn't seem to drag on too much.

Yes! I thought it was important to make some references to canon to make sure the story was tied in and relatable for readers. I'm quite interested in writing/reading historical fan-fiction so that aspect is really important. Ah I'm so glad you liked the OCs, and the Peverells especially: Marigold is one of my favourite OCs I've created. :) The story definitely goes on to tell more about these three characters are their fates, and how they are intertwined with Hogwarts. I figured that Muggleborns would be an interesting and confusing enigma for wizards and that the confusion and prejudice would be very deep-seated this far back in time.

Ah yes! The conflicts between the wizards and muggles were inspired from historical records of suspicion and hatred towards witches, and how in medieval times a town like Hamlin where they co-exist would be very unusual. I love learning and thinking about the Founders' families as well, and I'm so pleased you enjoyed those details. :)

Thank you! Getting feedback about this chapter in particular - the others move more towards plot and narrative - feels like a legend is really amazing praise. I'm so happy you liked the story. Thank you for this incredible review, it was so thoughtful and helpful and a real joy to receive. I'll be sure to re-request as I would love your opinions on the next chapter. :)


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Review #27, by patronus_charm Exodus

11th October 2013:
Hey, Iím here with your requested review!

Iíve said it in nearly everything Iíve reviewed of yours but your description ♥ ♡ ♥ seriously that is how it makes me feel! It is, in my opinion, some of the best, if not the best, that is on HPFF! It is neither too much or too little, but adds to the scene and is written in such a magical way it makes me so jealous of your talents with it. Gah, I could just read a chapter of your description and not get bored!

Iím really liking your characterisation of Stephane by the way! Itís really fantastic how youíve created so many layers in him as I do sense some sort of goodness him which adds to the complexity of him being the Pied Piper and a relation to Slytherin but then thereís just this badness resonating out of him too and itís just perfect quite frankly. One thing that also works really well is how you always remember to include references to the Founders which acts as a really good basis and doesnít make this OC orientated.

The mixed up structure of the sections worked really well with the differing lengths adding to the suspense and mystery. Another key feature of why it worked well was the range of points of view too as it showed how much destruction the Pied Piper was going to cause and to who too. One minor thing I would suggest is lessen the gaps between the line breaks and the section of text. I know this happens a lot when editing so itís an easy mistake to make, but just doing that will make your writing clearer and easier to read :)

The procession of zombie-like children was horrifying! Seeing all of these people who Iíve gotten to know enter that trance was terrible and I just wanted to scream out or grab them or anything really. You wrote the Peverellís fear so well and the whole fear of the community too that I just have these terrifying images in my head now!

Here, ĎMssrs. Bermondsey, McDonald Ď I would perhaps just write it out in full as it would look better :)

Ah it all makes sense! Though itís the start of Hogwarts and these are their students I still canít help but be filled with a little revulsion about the means that they went to go and get them and how confused they are. I was a little surprised about how open the Founders were about the means that were used to get them as none of them seemed sorry that they took them from their parents but I have feeling more might be revealed.

The ending

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

You are so nice to me! *blushes* Thank you, I'm so glad you like my description and it's become such an important quality of this story. Knowing you enjoy it is really amazing to hear.

You're right, Stephane is neither good nor evil but sort of figuring out where he stands in the world. He is quite obedient to his father, but also follows his own selfish desires. I love how you said you can sense the badness radiating out of him, that is so fantastic. I agree, I think having it link to the Founders is becoming increasingly more important with situating the story in Harry Potter fan fiction and giving the story a little HP spin.

Those are very good points about the line breaks and the Mssrs., thank you for pointing them out!

I agree, it gives a disturbing undertone to how Hogwarts got started and takes away from the glory a little. I imagined that some of the Founders (Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, mainly) wanted Stephane to help the parents too, but he panicked and realized the only way he would act was to cast the spell on the children which didn't work on the parents. I think we'll see the other characters be upset and troubled by the fate of the adults and Hamlin in general in the next chapter, if all goes to plan! :)

Thank you for another amazing review! I really appreciate you leaving me these thoughtful reflections and opinions on the story, it's oh so lovely and helpful! :)


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Review #28, by nott theodore A Stranger In the Dawn

24th September 2013:
Hello again, dear!

I really, really like the way that you've chosen to interpret the story of the Pied Piper into a Harry Potter fairy tale sort of story - it's so original and unique. I said this in the last review, but the style that you've used to tell this story suits it so well and reminds me of the oral tales told around a fire.

The historical element of this story probably has to be one of my favourite aspects of it. You set the story in its context so well and explore why all of those things might affect the events that follow it. The inclusion of religion really helped to set up the different reasons for things happening in this chapter and this story. The idea of the devil being involved in witchcraft was such a big part of people beginning witch hunts, and it shows that they would have a valid reason - as far as they're concerned, anyway - to try and rid themselves of witches and wizards. I liked the inclusion of the superstition as well which came with disability, like Vincent with his limp. I think that made me understand the Mayor's reasons for it much more than I might have done otherwise. The situation is really difficult and I'm intrigued to see what will happen next!

Stephane Slytherin is a really intriguing character as well. I feel sorry for him in a way because he's under pressure from his father and the other Founders to solve this problem and make sure that the magical population is safe. He has this need to prove himself because he's always been the weaker one compared to Gryffindor's boys. But at the same time I can't like him because he's got this prejudice against Muggle borns, and I can't help feeling that the prejudice is wrong.

With regards to Trip, I really like the way that you've introduced the topic of Muggle borns. It makes sense that at some point they must have been fairly unknown to the magical community, especially if there was no great collection of young witches and wizards in a school. They're a completely alien entity at this point, and people tend to treat the unknown with suspicion. If Muggles have already begun persecuting wizards as well, it would make sense that wizards would have some hostility towards Muggle borns as well as wizards.

I really like the interaction between Stephane and Marigold as well. I can't wait to see what's going to happen - I could hardly believe the way she treated poor Trip! Now I think that Vincent and Blind Johnny could be the people left behind, but I'm curious to know whether Trip will be allowed to go with them or not - it will probably be a bone of contention between Slytherin and Gryffindor. At any rate, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi again! :) So exciting to see you back here for the second chapter!

I'm really happy you're still liking the style and premise behind the story. I imagined it as beginning as a sort of local legend or historic story which somebody is being told, and then around the middle of the first chapter it slips into the story and continues through the action in the next few chapters.

It's really great to hear that the historical aspects are coming across well. I love writing them and historical fiction is one of my favourite genres to read and perhaps someday write. :) Since religion was so important back then I thought it would be an issue of possible contention between different groups, and also probably used as an excuse for violent acts. Vincent was such a poor little character, but I agree, the Mayor's actions in protecting him makes sense for his refusal and made the man a little more human, in my opinion.

I'm glad you're intrigued by Stephane! He's turning out to be a very difficult character to pin down. I like writing him but don't always approve of everything he says and thinks. You're exactly right, he wants to prove himself worthy, and he's also quite afraid of his father.

I imagined Muggleborns as kind of emerging accidentally and sporadically. Even in a community like Hamlin where the Muggles are aware, to an extent, of the others being wizards, I imagined a Muggleborn declaring oneself would be a risky choice and that many of them would try to keep their identity quiet.

Yes, Marigold really behaved quite nastily to Trip! There is something going on with her and Stephane, even if a large part of it is fascination.

Thank you for this wonderful review darling! :D



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Review #29, by nott theodore The People of Hamlin

24th September 2013:
Hi darling! I've wanted to read this story for ages and I took the chance when I saw you on review tag!

Your writing here... wow. It's hard to know what to say about it; it's so beautiful and I'm so impressed and amazed after reading this chapter. You definitely should be proud of this story! The description is brilliant - it's always one of your strengths in writing but here I feel like you've used it to your best advantage. The pictures that you painted in my mind were so vivid, and the description and imagery applied not only to the landscape but the people as well. I could see all of it as if I was watching a film or something - it's really brought the story of the Pied Piper to life for me.

The whole narrative has this wonderful lyrical quality to it, which fits so well with a retelling of a fairy tale. The moments when you addressed the reader were fantastic. It put me in mind of some of the more old-fashioned writers who speak through the story to the reader, and it works so well in this sort of story. I could imagine the way that it might have been told orally, around a fire in the evening. It's amazing that you're able to convey that sort of storytelling in fanfiction.

Also, I love the way that you've chosen to relocate Hamlin to England and slot it in with the events in the Founders era. It works so well, and I love the set-up that you've got with Hogwarts just beginning and Stephane going to Hamlin as the Piper. The inclusion of all the names we know from canon - Peverell, Bones, Pettigrew, Jorkins (can I just say I love you for that?) - help cement the story into that time period really well.

The details that you've included are really great as well, and it almost reads like a piece of historical fiction as well as a fairy tale. I actually enjoy reading all the different theories for the origins behind fairy tales, and I liked the allusions to them here, with the plague in the town and the possibility of the magical population migrating and escaping the Muggle prejudice. I could see that things like this might have been the start of people fearing witches and wizards (both in history and in Harry Potter). Especially if many of the wizards weren't suffering the same way as the Muggles, you can see that Muggles might have become suspicious. I liked the way you wrote the councillors, with the seedy sort of corruption in their meeting.

I'm intrigued to see where you'll take this next, with Stephane arriving as the Piper and taking the children away to the school. I wonder if they'll try and get revenge on the Muggles too; I have a feeling they might, since Hamlin no longer stands. I'm worried about Blind Johnny and Trip too, because if you follow the traditional tale then they won't make it to Hogwarts, and I already really want them to!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi lovely! Sorry for taking so long (as always) to reply to your amazing review! This story is so special to me, and I always love getting your thoughtful feedback. It's so helpful and rewarding, and I'm glad review tag gave you an excuse to get here! :)

Ah, I'm glad you thought the imagery and description was powerful. If it created an image in your head, that is such high praise and exactly what I was going for when writing it. I think writing in third person and having a more detached narrator gave me the chance to really go to town on the descriptions, and it was so much fun to imagine and put into words.

I'm glad you liked the "lyrical" voice and how the story is a little less typical and more old-fashioned. I definitely wanted to convey the idea of being told a story, not just reading about one. Another reviewer said something similar about being told the story around a fire, and I love that idea! It fits well with the theme and mystery of the story.

When I was throwing around ideas for how to write from the prompt of the Pied Piper it just seemed perfect as an excuse to tie in with the Founders. With stories like this, which are set in the past, I think it's important to tie in really strongly with canon, since this is a Harry Potter fan site after all. I'm glad you liked the Founders, it was really enjoyable interpreting their personalities into flesh and blood (well... ink and computer screen) people. And of course a Jorkins had to make an appearance! :)

Okay, you saying that it fit as historical fiction makes me extremely happy. I wrote mostly off prior research and imagination, and while it is an idealized version of the middle ages, I'm pleased some details fit as historical. I really wanted to tie in theories and concepts which are prevalent in modern day HP, like the prejudice against Muggleborns, and Hamlin as kind of a stirring place for that prejudice.

Yay, concerns! I'll be replying to your next review as soon as I get a chance. Thank you so much for this gem of a review, my dear! :D


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Review #30, by patronus_charm A Stranger In the Dawn

22nd September 2013:
I really loved how you introduced the chapter with song related to the Pied Piper; it gave it a really great setting. ♥

Marigoldís thoughts about Death were perfect! They were so time appropriate with her thinking of this almost figure like thing taking them away. If youíve read the Book Thief Death reminded me of how its portrayed in that. I thought that scene though was just really lovely and had the perfect mixture of deep thoughts, fear, sorrow and intrigue.

I noticed a tiny error here Ď"Have you had no luck with the mayor, then?" She asksí the s of she should be lowercase as itís a dialogue tag and therefore connected to the speech and by having it lowercase shows that. Also the same again here Ď"How are you doing this?" She demands in wonder. Ď

Again, I really liked how you tied lots of historical things into this chapter as it just worked so well. With the crucifix and the mayor being together it showed just how powerful the Church and belief in God was back then and it was interesting to compare that to modern day. I liked how you made the mayorís son a little disfigured as it showed the complexity of beauty and power in those times which is rarely explored but a wonderful new layer to the story.

In terms of dialogue versus description I would have liked a little more at times. Donít get me wrong, I love your description but at certain points such as explaining peopleís relationships dialogue is sometimes a better way to convey due to the reader getting their reactions and being able to learn more about them. So perhaps when introducing a new character it might be a good idea to just include one or two lines of dialogue as well :)

The brief return to the founders was really great even if it was only in Stephaneís thoughts. I canít wait for the Founders to actually appear because your description of them has been really great and really made them appear as people to me, I just want to meet them now. Also, Iím curious about their role and history with the Pied Piper as I have feeling they might be tied together.

So the story thickens! Iím intrigued about the Piper/Stephaneís real intentions. He seemed genuine when talking to Marigold and her father and how he genuinely seemed enthused about Hogwarts (small note, I loved the ancient lesson names Ė very fitting!) but, gah, thereís something there. I know from the tale what he does but I have a feeling something might be different I just donít know what.

The Princes Ė are they an early relation of Snape!

I liked the introduction of conflict in this chapter as it was a great prelude to later events. There was Stephane and his father. I have a feeling thereís some tension between them because of his mother and that will probably influence his later decisions. Then Marigold and Tripp. I have a feeling her alienating herself from friends is not a good idea!

A great chapter, and I canít wait to see what happens next!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I love writing the songs, and I'm glad you thought it set the scene! There's something so relaxing about coming up with rhymes and making them slightly coherent, haha.

I'm glad you liked the thoughts about Death, since she's a descendant of Ignotus Peverell and has already seen so many deaths it made sense that she would be very aware of Death's presence. I'm pleased you thought it also fit well with the idea of the Piper!

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll fix it! :)

I love reading and writing history-based fiction so I'm really happy you think it comes across well here. Since the church was such an important issue in those days - both in people's personal lives, and in the government and state - I wanted to tastefully tie it in. I'm pleased you liked the mayor's boy being crippled as well! Something I often forget about in this story was how high the mortality rate would have been and how so many people would have had health issues, so tying in that seemed suitable - and important to the story!

Ah, those are such good points about dialogue! I'm not very good at thinking of these things myself so that helps a lot.

It's great you're enjoying the founders element as well and they do make more of an appearance in coming chapters. You're definitely right to question Stephane, he's a very gray-area character in that he is both selfish and trying to fight for the greater good, and I really love writing him.

Hmm... it's very possible! :P

I'm so happy you liked this chapter and how it set up issues and tensions for coming chapters. I love writing this story so getting positive feedback is very encouraging. Thank you so much for this lovely review! :)



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Review #31, by charlottetrips The People of Hamlin

18th September 2013:
Holy Shamoly!!

It's been a long while since I've been taken with the prose of a story, but you've succeeded here! I really love the lyrical and fairytale quality you've put into this story. The way that the words flow together and the manner in which you've written it, really calls to mind a whimsical tale that one would get told around a great hearthfire.

I love that you took it upon yourself to write a little song in the beginning.

The omniscient viewpoint you've taken on this works very well. I get a glimpse of everything and even am able to pick up bits of the characters without being limited to just one point of view. I know that sometimes this doesn't work for others, but it does for me, and especially in this type of setting: a fairytale setting.

I think you've done a wonderful job of setting up your story. You string me from the present(ish) on down to the past, inviting me to be a part of the story with the questions of "Can you see it?" etc. that you have woven throughout.

Really quite excited to keep reading this so am putting it on my nifty new "currently reading" list!

Char

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, thank you so much! This is one of my favourite stories to write, so I'm really excited that you liked it. I'm pleased to know the fairytale-like tone of the writing came across, and I liked imagining this story as a sort of legend that would be passed through the generations. Your idea of the hearthfire is perfect!

Haha, the songs were just fun to add!

It's great that you liked the point of view of the narration. I was a bit worried that readers might not engage with the story as well as with first person (which is my normal go-to) but it seemed to fit the fairytale quality and of course add to the idea of it being a story or legend being re-told.

I'm glad this story pulled you in and took you on that journey back in time! Like I said, this story is kind of my baby, so knowing someone else likes it is so lovely.

Thank you for leaving me this excellent review! :D


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Review #32, by StellaRose A Stranger In the Dawn

6th September 2013:
This was long but it was so well written that I didn't mind :)

You have such beautiful and descriptive writing. I love how you opened and closed the chapter. 'Only the guilty rise before the sun'. So intriguing and I'm immediately drawn in wanted to know more. Who's guilty? What's going to happen?

Maybe I just missed it in the first chapter but I love how you included the deathly hallows in this piece. Your personification of death is really well done. I especially like this line, 'Death's chosen flavor of perfume.'

The most fascinating part of this chapter, for me at least, was your discussion of muggle borns. I'm so excited to see how you pull this off. Are we finally going to find out the root of Slytherin's prejudices?! So intriguing, you have me hooked! :)

Your characterization is very well done. It's clear that you've put a lot of time in planning your characters because their motives, actions and dialogue are all consistent. Even the mayor and his reasoning for ignoring Stephane's request makes sense with the upcoming revolution. I like that he did consider it but then changed his mind because of his son.

In particular I really like Stephane and Marigold's relationship. I foresee trouble on the horizon and you've intentionally left so many things for me to ponder-wonderful! Are the rats going to come back? What's going to happen to Trip now that Stephane has a grudge against him? With the attack less than a week away how will he convince them in time?

I think you're doing a fantastic job! The piper plot is still very much there but you've made it your own with your wonderful characters and foreshadowing.

Can't wait to read more :)

--Emmy

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

Thank you so much for your comments about the description in this chapter, and I'm glad you found that line intriguing! I suppose... many are guilty in this story, even if they don't realize it yet! I'm very glad you noticed the references to Death, and even the personification: I felt it fit well with this branch of the Peverells and was very fun to imagine and write about!

I'm glad you found the discussion about Muggleborns fascinating, since in this story Trip is one of the first Muggleborns to admit he is magical, and both Marigold and Trip wonder about the repercussions of this. It's such an old prejudice, and trying to build a base for that is intimidating but exciting at the same time!

I love these characters, so I'm very honoured you're enjoying them as well. I thought of the mayor as a selfish, almost Fudge-like character, yet still wanted to give him depth and rationale. You are right, trouble is definitely coming, and Marigold and Stephane's relationship is far from stable.

I'm so pleased you think I'm doing okay at balancing the piper legend with the storyline of the piece. This is one of my favourite stories to work on right now, so thank you so much for your lovely words and taking the time to leave this thoughtful review! I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #33, by 1917farmgirl The People of Hamlin

2nd September 2013:
Firstly, I'm sorry I'm so slow with this review. I've been multi-tasking this morning and reading in snatches between cleaning and batches of baking.

But, more than that, I'm very much in awe and have been wondering how to review this!

This is an AMAZING story! I'm putting it in my favorites, and surely following it! (And probably reading the next chapter later today when I get time!) There are so many things about this that make me love it! I'll try to cover them all.

The moment I saw this was about the Pied Piper I had to read it. Just last week I was doing some research on the Pied Piper, believe it or not, and I was so intrigued by the history! The village that still keeps the legend of the missing children, the street where no music is allowed to be played, and all the many, many reasons scholars have put out there about what might have really happened. I couldn't help thinking, this would make a great Harry Potter story, and then, YOU DID IT!

I love your twist on things. The way you've taken the story, and parts of the legends, but moved it to Wizarding Britain and twisted it the way you want. It's so intriguing! And your grasp of the time period and customs is incredible!

I'm absolutely in love with your OCs. All of them so far. Marigold, Blind Johnny, Trip, Stephane. You have created characters that are vivid and alive in my mind, and I know from personal experience that is hard to do! Bravo!

And your language! Seriously, you are the goddess of description! Part of why it took me to long to read this is because I had to just sit and stare at passages for a while, admiring the beauty of them. I'd quote you my favorite ones, but then I'd just end up posting the whole fic back here. And the times when you address the reader directly - to some it might be jarring, but that is so in keeping with the style that stories were told long ago! How many Jane Austen or LM Montgomery books have a "dear reader" passage? Kudos for knowing your stuff!

Lastly, I really love this picture of the founders you've painted. I think I might actually like Stephane, and I adore Helga. Wanted to scoop up poor Helena and hug her.

Seriously, this was delicious and I can't wait to have time to come back for more. Thanks for such a beauty!

Author's Response: Hello there! No worries, I'm sorry for taking so long to reply to this incredible review! Really, you are just too kind to me!

I'm so happy you like this story and added it to your favourites! :) I was assigned the Pied Piper story for a challenge and was so pleased to receive it and play around with the original tale while fitting it into the HP world. That's a crazy coincidence that you were just researching it as well, and I hope I did the amazing story justice.

I'm very pleased to get feedback saying the story seems historically accurate, as I hoped to get at least a slight sense of the time period. Somehow Hamlin fit seamlessly into the world of the Founders and Britain as I pictured it. I really love the OCs here as well, and knowing that you found them as vivid and real as I do is really great to know! :D I love how you said you might actually like Stephane - he's an okay guy, deep down, and not quite as slippery as his father.

Thank you so much for your comments about the description and language! It makes me so thrilled and flattered, you have no idea. I put a lot of imagination into these passages so getting positive feedback is just lovely. I'm pleased you liked the addressing of the reader as well, but like you said it seemed to fit with the style. It also reminded me a little of the tradition of oral storytelling as well.

I know, poor Helena! :( Her story is so interesting to me, so I was excited to give her some attention in the story.

Thank you so much for leaving this gem of a review for me! It really means the world! :D





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Review #34, by silverashes A Stranger In the Dawn

2nd September 2013:
Hello again!

Yay! I'm glad to be called back for chapter two! I love reading this story, it's so unique. The writing style throughout your story is truly lovely to read. The beginning section about the Peverell's lost children was heart wrenching, and I could feel their pain in my own heart. You string words together and they fit like puzzle pieces. It's like they are meant to be there!

I loved the portrayal of Marigold and Stephan's first meeting. Well...I guess they haven't actually met yet, but I like how you described how they first saw each other. The whole scene was very picturesque! Their relationship is fun to watch! I think you do a really good job of slipping between people. It's very smooth the way the scenes change, and we get different views on different people!

I feel sorry for Trip, especially when Marigold snaps at him. She only further induced his own worries about being a Muggle born wizard! I do hope she apologizes and nothing bad happens to him. I feel sorry for the way he was treated! Please keep him safe! Overall, brilliant chapter!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so honoured you like the story, and think that it's unique! I love the formal language and writing style that this piece seemed to inspire in me, and I'm pleased you enjoyed it as well. Thank you for these lovely comments! :)

I'm glad you also enjoyed Marigold and Stephane's interactions, and their first meeting. I was a little worried about having too many characters and small stories in the context of the larger story, but I'm pleased it's working out well and smoothly. I felt sorry for Trip as well, and yes, it really wasn't Marigold's finest moment, even if she did feel sorry after.

Thank you so much for leaving this wonderful review, my dear! :D Getting this thoughtful feedback on the story means a lot to me.


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Review #35, by patronus_charm The People of Hamlin

25th August 2013:
Hello dear! I'm so glad that you requested as I really love the Pied Piper and then mixing it with fan fiction just sounds like a wonderful idea and so unique too!

I love your opening! It was perfect for a founders, fairy tale story. I think with that era and genre it does require that much more description because it's so unfamiliar to us that we need the scene painted before us so the level of description was brilliant.

One thing that made it really magical was how you didn't limit to it just to the landscape but you gave the same level of it to the people too. That's the thing I loved about fairy tales the most so seeing it echoed here was really fantastic.

The only minor improvement I can really give in regards to that is because of high amount of description which requires more concentration, I would perhaps shorten some of the longer paragraphs by splitting them up to make it easier. That would improve the ease of reading a little and keep readers engaged throughout.

One thing I really adored was the small details, such as the year it was in and the history of Hamlin. It just made it so much more real to me and that I understood the place and yeah it was just brilliant!

The fact that you mixed in canon characters such as the Peverells really added to the story as it almost gives it some sort of basis and something that the reader can then relate to when confused. I'm also really eager to see how they're involved later on.

The historical accuracy in this was really great! With the inclusion of the plague and the dialogue which went with it, I was just in history nerd heaven. I've barely even got half way through this chapter and I'm already in love with the story, so you can more than definitely re-request!

You forgot to put speech marks here '"Reparo.' :)

I really liked the scene with Trip, Marigold and Blind John. They seem to be an interesting mix of characters and the fact that 'muggles' know about magic is really interesting. I know Trip ended up being a wizard but I'm curious to see whether other muggles know about it or not.

The council meeting was really great as it was an excellent example of the hierarchy of power in those times. With the inclusion of religion into that it really painted an excellent picture. I admire the level of accuracy in this story because that's the one thing that puts me off reading a founders story because not that manner people do that.

The introduction to the founders was really great! Each of them had their stereotypes and then something else! Even though it sounds really mean of me, I can't wait to see what happens next week as it sounds like a lot of action and drama is about to take place!

I'm worried about Salazar's snake as I feel he's going to be up to something! This was such an excellent introduction and it definitely makes me want to read on as there was so much drama and excitement in this chapter!

I'm sorry this review was more of a gushing one than a constructive one, but I really couldn't find much to fault. Definitely feel free to re-request and I hope to make it back to GfS soon too! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, this review is so thoughtful and amazing, thank you so much for taking the time to leave all your lovely comments and opinions!

When I was assigned this story for the fairytale challenge I just thought it was such a fun idea and so perfect to tie into the wizarding world. I'm glad you thought it was unique, and I really hope I did the story justice!

I'm glad you liked the description and didn't find it dragged on too much. I think that as a writer coming up with this world I kind of needed to paint that picture of the place for myself, not just for readers, and creating the world of Hamlin was so creatively enjoyable. It's good to know that it conveyed the essence of fairy tales and gave the people some life as well. I think you're definitely right about having a few paragraphs which could be separated and tightened up a little, and hopefully I'll have the time to revise this chapter a little soon! :)

I thought the Peverells would be a good family to base the story around since we know a bit about them from the books and that they were an old and famous wizarding family. And I'm so glad you think the story is somewhat historically accurate! Of course it's probably a little glamourized, especially through the use of magic and fairy tale element, but I hope it emulates at least slightly what that era might have been like for ordinary people. I thought the corrupt council and their danger would hopefully be realistic as well.

I'm pleased you enjoyed the characters: both the OCs and the Founders. I based them a little off my perception of them in my story "Souls" but by concentrating on the Slytherins and also Ravenclaw, since for some reason they interested me the most! I'm glad you liked them, and are looking forward to the action, even if it does mean bad things for certain people! :)

Thank you so much for leaving this incredible review Kiana! I loved receiving it, and I can't wait to get your opinion on the next chapter of this little story. So, thank you! :D



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Review #36, by StellaRose The People of Hamlin

24th August 2013:
Hello! It's Emmy here with your review :)

What an intriguing story! Your plot is wonderful and I think using the Pied Piper of Hamelin is absolutely brilliant, it really is. You've set up the plot so well that I'm really excited to read more and see how your story is going to unfold!

The only negative thing I noticed was that some of your sentences are a bit lengthy and tend to be run ons. For example, look at the first sentence of the first paragraph. The first part is great but when you get to 'empty assembly' you lose me completely.

The first twelve paragraphs or the very beginning of your story is where, as a reader, I was a little bored (sorry to be blunt). I'm only telling you this because once I got past the first part I was BLOWN AWAY by your plot and couldn't wait to get reading! It's important to tell the background story but I think some of that can come later on. Make sure to draw your reader in right away and make them want to read more.

This quote is wonderful, 'Not quite history, less than a legend'. Brilliant!

I also loved how you introduced Trip and explained muggle borns. That was really well done. You've explored so many different things with this era and brought up a lot of thought provoking pieces.

Showing the garden snake overhearing everything was really great. It made me stop and think about it and try and figure it out! It was also foreshadowing, which is lots of great planning on your part!

Lastly, your pied piper is so perfectly cast. Slytherin's heir and using the snake...gah! perfect. Like I said, you have a fascinating start and I'm excited to see how you put everything together!

I really enjoyed your chapter and think you have SO much potential with this story. Feel free to request again :)

--Emmy

Author's Response: Hello! :) Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this really kind review, and I'm sorry for taking this long to respond!

I'm glad you liked the story and thought the plot went well. The inspiration for the story came from a challenge, but the plot of the Founders in my head fit weirdly perfectly with the Pied Piper story, making it so much fun to write!

Those are excellent criticisms, and I hope to go back and clean up this chapter when I get a chance. I certainly do have a habit of dragging on with long sentences and descriptions, and it's hard to realize when I'm doing it, so thank you for pointing these things out! :) I'm actually so glad you like the plot since I was worried it wouldn't appeal as much to readers, and the following chapter is mostly about continuing that plot and character development. :)

I really wanted to situate the story well into the history of the wizarding world, so I'm pleased you think it did a good job of addressing things such as Muggleborns. Tying the story into what we know of this era from canon is quite challenging, but also rewarding to work on.

Ah, I thought the son of Slytherin would be a perfect Piper, and I actually love coming up with Stephane's character. Snakes are the perfect symbols and plot devices for these Slytherin men, and I'm glad you noticed that as well as the foreshadowing.

Thank you so much for leaving this thoughtful and helpful review my dear! :) I loved getting your feedback, and I hope you don't mind if I re-request! :D


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Review #37, by silverashes The People of Hamlin

21st August 2013:
Hi, Hi!

I'm currently breathless. You started by painting this mental image of a broken town, but then you rebuilt it. Reviving the youth and beauty that it once had. You brought its residents to life, giving the town itself a life. They live in a world that is so different from all the others written on this site. Its the birthplace of Hogwarts. The very beginning.

The plot is fascinating. It's such an underused storyline. I feel like no one ever writes about the Founders Era, but it's so unique! Your characters OC and canon are phenomenal. You've brought each and every one of them to life. I feel as though they are standing in front of my desk right this minute. Marigold is so sweet and naive of her friend's adoration. Stephane is about to carry a tremendous weight upon his shoulders as he goes to save the lives of the people of Hamlin. I particularly liked the way you portrayed Rowena and Helena Ravenclaw. Rowena, not wanting her motherly duties to slow her down, is stern and not as nurturing as she should be. I feel like this explains Helena's somewhat cold feelings to her mother in the last Harry Potter book. She so desperately wants the affection of her mother.

Absolutely brilliant job. I'm in love with this story. Pure brilliance!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hi there! :) Thank you so much for coming to review my story so quickly, and for leaving this absolutely wonderful review! I've been all smiley and warm ever since reading it. :D

Ah, I'm so excited and flattered that you enjoyed the story, so thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm so honoured that you think I brought the town to life, and I loved imagining it and imagining how Hogwarts might have been as it was founded. It's definitely both the beginning and the ending of something.

I quite liked writing the Founders so far, especially since we don't know much about them so there's a lot of creative freedom. I'm really glad you like the characters so far, and that they came to life for you! :D I love Marigold and Stephane, they are so unique and special to write and very different from my other OCs. I'm so pleased you pointed out the Ravenclaw family dynamics as well, since I thought it was quite important to include since their separation is something we know about from canon, and would have had roots in Helena's childhood.

Thank you so much for leaving this absolutely glowing review, I hope you know how much your kind words meas to me! :)


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Review #38, by broadwaykat The People of Hamlin

10th August 2013:
Wow! Firstly, I'd like to say that this story is really, REALLY good at putting you in a time and a place right from the get go. I think my favorite thing about this story so far is your description of the setting. It's like reading a historical fiction novel - it puts you there, and I honestly thought for a while that you weren't actually going to be introducing any characters. In fact, I would have been fine if you hadn't done that at all - just left us in a place and time and then introduce everything in the chapters to come. It was that engaging that you could have described the world in this chapter and left me sitting on the edge waiting to read more.

That being said though; the characters you did introduce! It's just enough to make you intrigued in them, without giving too much away. I love them - they don't seem to be perfect characters, or Mary Sues - they feel like they would be characters who would fit into a Harry Potter novel - if Harry Potter was written in the time of the founders. I don't read a lot of founder's fiction for the reason that they tend to turn into Lord of the Ring-feeling epic stories - but this feels just, like a pastoral story. It fits in the style of JK's original writing and has left me sitting here wishing there were already more chapters to read.

I think some of my favorite parts of this story, though, come when you describe characters we we sort of know from Canon - namely, the founders. Helga Hufflepuff is more than just the fluffy cuddly den mother, and Godric and Salazar are not written as bronze gods or paragorns of men - I love the way you've described them all. But I think what caught me most of all was a teensy description of little Helena Ravenclaw and her interactions with her mother - it just strikes me as written in such a way that you can see exactly how their bond might fall apart in the future, and it makes me feel sorry for her. In, like - two setences!

Thus far, you've done a good job of setting up the 'fairy tale' elements too. I'm a huge sucker for poetry, so I appreciated your folk poem in the beginning. I'm not QUITE sure yet who is the Piper in all of this - although I have a few guesses. But I have no doubt that it'll come about in a very interesting way! Look forward to reading the next chapters soon!

Author's Response: Hi there! :) I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to this, but thank you for this amazing review, for the awesome challenge and for choosing this story as the winner!

I loved writing this story, and I had this image of how the town would be in my head that I really wanted to get across. I'm very glad you liked the setting and that it reminded you of a historical fiction novel, that's just what I was hoping to convey. It's very good to know you didn't find the descriptions boring at all and that they really enhanced the story.

Ah, I'm so pleased you like the characters so far! :) I'm very glad they don't seem too idealized, or Mary-Sues, since that's always a concern of mine. The term "pastoral story" seems just right for this, and maybe that's what I was self-consciously trying to get across: how the time of the Founders wasn't this fantastic, epic era, but a time in which both magical people and Muggles struggled and had both external and internal enemies to quietly confront.

I'm so happy you liked my take on the Founders! :) I quite enjoyed writing them and tried to add little quirks and details to stray from the stereotypes of them we tend to see. I think there would be a lot more to Hufflepuff than being this warm, constantly kind person all the time, and Gryffindor and Slytherin are far from perfect. The most interesting character for me was Ravenclaw: I loved writing Stephane's fascination with her but also his observations of how cold she is, and the interactions with her poor daughter. I'm so glad you found that little moment indicative of their future relationship, as I felt it was quite an important thing to mention as well and really showed what kind of woman and mother Ravenclaw could be.

With this story, I loved the prompt of taking a fairy tale and situating it in the wizarding world, and the Pied Piper is such a good one for this since it's kind of based on historical records and local lore as well as elements of the fantastic. The folk song was quite enjoyable to write - I hope to include a little exert in each chapter and maybe a surprise about the author in the last chapter if it fits! :)

The next chapter has just been added to the queue: it took way longer than I thought, but I just kept thinking of more and more characters and scenes to include! I hope you enjoy it, and thank you again for this wonderful review! :)


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