Reading Reviews for All Bets Are Off
  
106 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Rumpelstiltskin Kisses, Blood and Something More (?)

30th October 2013:
Back!

...wow...

Between what happened to Cami (oh gods why Cami!?) and Sirius back ground (poor Sirius!) and Lexi's distraught state ( :( ) all I want to do is lay in a dark room by myself for a bit! :(

Anyway.

So Sirius being all gentlemanly and not taking a drunken Lexi up on her offer? Good for him! And then, afterwards, YAY for some non-gentlemanly-ness!

There, slap Rosie, that'll make you feel a little better. Although, it would probably feel even better if it were Diggory.

Okay, I've finished talking with your character. Sorry 'bout that.

Onwards!
-Rumpel

Author's Response: Ah! I know! Don't throw tomatoes at me!

And come out of the dark room. Food is always a much more practical solution than barricading yourself in the dark.

And yes, I'm so proud of Sirius for being so gentlemanly (and then for being decidedly not)!

And that's okay! Talk to my characters all you want ;)

Lo :)


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Review #27, by Neha Phil, Picnics and Screams in the Corridor

29th October 2013:
great story!!!love it..totally awesome...

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you think so!

Lo:)


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Review #28, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Kendra Williams

29th October 2013:
Ah, the party from Kendra's perspective!

She's a bit scary, isn't she? What with the predatory remarks...run Sirius...o.o

But I can't exactly blame her with having a father like that. Goodness.

So this gave me some more insight on the game of truth or dare. I was really curious about that one :).

I'm not sure I can pick just one moment that was my favorite, as many parts were favorite-worthy. Although, Kendra's reaction to Charlie and Remus...and then there's James in the underwear...much of it was really priceless! :)

Argh, I've got to stop to get ready for work. I'll either be back between jobs or before or after homework. At any rate, I WILL be back (how could I not)!

Until then,
-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again!

And yes, Kendra is a little... predatory... And it is sad to say her father *may* have been the cause of that.

And yay! Favourite moments! I honestly loved James's underwear-scapade.

And I trust you to be back, so do your work and homework and everything you need to do!

Lo :)


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Review #29, by Rumpelstiltskin Furry Coats, Non-Verbal Spells and Obscure Letters

29th October 2013:
OH MY GODS SHE FINALLY KISSED HIM!

...I apologize for shouting but YAY!

You had be worried there for a bit about Sirius' condition...he can't just DIE! :(

But it's all okay...and I am anticipating MORE KISSES!! :)

-Rumpel

Author's Response: YAY! SHE FINALLY KISSED HIM!

And don't worry about the shouting. My friend at school who's also reading this actually jumped on me after she read this and squealed.

And yes, I'm evil in that way, but to be honest, Sirius can't die can he? I'm a serious cannon-er ;)

And you should be anticipating much more than that! ;)

Lo :)


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Review #30, by Rumpelstiltskin Middle Names, Regulus and My Life Story

29th October 2013:
Pumpkin juice over the head? A perfect breakfast vengeance!

Oh, yay! Lexi's interacting with Regulus. It was all going smoothly until Sirius (or PIMA-which is all too funny by the way) arrived. And honestly, Ally? Sirius needs to be smacked!

Argh-with the interruptions all of the time! This relationship is making me seasick...and I love it! :p

I'm glad I finally got to see the Funny Bearded Man story! I'm also glad that I got to learn a bit more about Lexi's background, as sad as it may be. And Sirius', although I assumed he never had a very good family life to begin with.

:(

I need to go read the next chapter now.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello again!

And yes, I do believe that Pumpkin Juice is good, although the stealing of all the bacon, pancakes, and waffles may have been a tiny bit eviler.

And yay! I'm so glad you liked all of it! Reg is so cute with 'Ally' (curse you Sirius for being a dunderhead!) and I'm going to tell you know, there's something more between those two as the story progresses ;)

Interruptions! How I love them! :P My favourite part of writing All Bets Are Off!

And yes, sad background stories... At least most of the mystery is gone! (Or is it?)

Yes! Go read the next chapter! I condone that very much! ;)

Lo :)


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Review #31, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew

29th October 2013:
Oh, very cool. Two different perspectives in one chapter!

I am learning so much about the events of the party :).

Moving forward.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it!

And yay! Moving forwards! Onward we shall go!

Thank you for R&Ring!

Lo:)


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Review #32, by Rumpelstiltskin Prisons, Parties and Bruises

29th October 2013:
I am standing in little pieces of what could have been something between Sirius and Lexi, aren't I? That's okay, I'll just pick them up and hold them for you in case you decide you want to put them back together. I am helpful like that! :D

At least Cami's okay.

Oh Lexi, don't lie...you're a bit jealous. Not to mention peeved because Sirius Black's an idiot :(.

But he did gain some redemption...what with punching Diggory and whatnot. At least the pieces are slowly being put back together :)!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Aw! Thank you for holding those for me! I will definitely use those later ;)

And yes, Lexi might be a little jealous, although she'd never tell ;)

And yay! You get to punch Diggory, you get to punch Diggory, EVERY GETS TO PUNCH DIGGORY!!!

Thanks so so much!

Lo :)


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Review #33, by Rumpelstiltskin Annabelle, Snowmen and Air Ducts

29th October 2013:
Yes, only Lexi would kick somebody's hand during a Death Eater attack. I suppose, in her defense, said hand was over her mouth.

Curious little girls with their moment ruining! The entire scene with Lexi, Sirius, and Annabelle was very cute!

Oh gods! What happened to Cami!?

Bellatrix is one of those characters that I love to hate. You did a fantastic job displaying the dynamic between Bellatrix and Sirius.

AND are we beginning to see a bit of Sirius ACTUALLY caring (maybe a tiny bit) for Lexi? :) I shall read on to find out.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello again!

And yes, she was totally right to do that. Especially considering it was Sirius.

And don't worry! Moment ruining won't be a constant (well, you have to read a few more chapters for it not to be)!

And yay! Bellatrix done right! I'm glad you thought so!

Thanks so much, and yes, you will have to read on to see exactly how Sirius's feelings for Lexi are developing ;)

Lo:)


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Review #34, by Rumpelstiltskin Healers, I've Never and Lockdown

29th October 2013:
There's Cami! I was wonder when I was going to meet/hear more about her.

I loved Lexi's attempts to assure the random healer that Sirius was not her boyfriend. :) That was funny.

Holy crow, that is a scary game. That one might be the causation of spoiled friendships and ended relationships. Is that a real drinking game? I hope not :(.

Oh boy, Death Eaters...this is going to get interesting.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Yay! Cami! And don't worry, we'll see more of her soon!

And actually, it is a real drinking game, although I'm pretty sure no one's ever done that in a hospital and secrets aren't usually that big...

Eee! Death Eaters! Whatever will happen next? Well, I know :P

Thanks so so so much!

Lo:)


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Review #35, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Sirius Black

29th October 2013:
Ahahaha! Lily...breaking poor James' heart over and over :). I can't help but laugh!

I have a friend who likes to get naked when he drink too much...it's always a frightening event and everyone knows that the party's over when that happens. But James in lacy knickers...that one luckily hasn't happened.

*Ahem*

Anyway...

I like how you're going back through the events with other character's point of view. It's a neat way to capture multiple perspectives in a first-person story. It also is explaining quite a bit of events that were a fairly hazy as told from Lexi's drunken stupor.

And might I just say...Eww..."projective vomit" :).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again!

And yes, poor, poor James. If only he would let off! And don't be so sure about James. Lily and James's sides of the party haven't been told *yet*, but it does come up and yes it is a strange thing to witness.

Yay! I'm glad you like it! I was trying to go for a single event with lots of different perspectives, all leading up to a giant bombardment of secrets and lies.

And yes. Projectile vomit is decidedly ew.

Thanks so much!

Lo:)


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Review #36, by Rumpelstiltskin Flying, Falling and Hospital Wings

28th October 2013:
Oh action-y! That was very nice. What better way to show some adrenaline-accelerating and (nearly) death-defying action than a rival Quiddich match? So much fun!

A slug who can only speak Hungarian, huh? Well that would be interesting, to say the least! XD

Look at Sirius trying to be helpful.

Ah, sleepy James making Quiddich references. :)

I just want to comment on "surrendering to dreams." That line is brilliant (not to mention beautiful). But that's what sleep really is, isn't it? A kind of surrendering.

At any rate, I know I'm very late on my vote and doubt it will count but I'm voting for Remus anyway. :)

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Eeee! Yay! You're back!

I'm so glad you liked this! My Quidditch writing skills aren't too bad then if I do say so myself!

I'll go hide in the corner of modesty now...

And yay! I'm glad you liked so many things. And the surrendering to dreams thing... wow. I never really thought that much into the words I was writing.

And don't worry, your vote still counts as not many have actually bothered to do so (oh well!).

Thanks so much for everything!

Lo:)


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Review #37, by Rumpelstiltskin Pregnancy, Werewolves and Towels

28th October 2013:
I can't blame her there, ticking is the only form of torture that is socially acceptable!

There are several statements I wish to make at this time:

One- Aha! The revelation of the werewolf...I wonder who will be the one to tell Charlie...

Two- Oh my. Sirius Black's manliness in Lexi's towel. I can't decide between "poor Lexy" and "lucky".

Three- Oh Peter, "I always thought he was gay." Holy crow..that was too funny.

So, is Lexi really prejudice against werewolves or is she just angry about the whole Charlie/Remus thing and still in the aftermath of being attacked by said werewolf? A little of everything? I can see why she would be prejudice as werewolves are classified as dark creatures and well...terrifying. I was just curious.

I'm sure I'll find out more if I read more :).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: I hate being tickle coerced, so we're on the same page!

One: Revelation has been made. And I should really have made it clearer that Charlie knows about Remus. He told her when she told him that she was pregnant...

Two: At the moment, Lexi is not feeling very lucky. Later though... ;)

Three: It was kind of how I envisioned the scene playing out in a movie and Peter *is* supposed to be a type of comic relief.

And no, Lexi doesn't care that he's a werewolf, but that he got Charlie pregnant even though he knew he was a werewolf (not that Remus meant to, but Lexi doesn't like the notion of a strange unknown thing growing in her best mate's belly (I know that's harsh, but that's how she views it because, come on, how many half-werewolves were there in that time).

Hope that answered your questions and thank you so much again!

Lo:)


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Review #38, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Charlotte Meaver

28th October 2013:
...
Okay, I couldn't help myself.
But could you really blame me?

You're right, Charlie's perspective did clear a few things up. Especially why she'd been acting so strangely. Also several other factor including but not limited to Carter flipping his lid and why Remus was suddenly hanging around her.

I laughed, though, at Charlie's response to Remus waking up...that was priceless.

Okay, I MIGHT be able to go to sleep now...maybe.

We'll see.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: No, I can't blame you :P

And I'm glad I was able to clear things up :)

And yes, Charlie's response... Not the brightest witch that one when she's under pressure... Although I'm sure when you see how Remus remembers it, it'll make you laugh again!

Thanks so much!

Lo:)


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Review #39, by Rumpelstiltskin Guillotines, Curses and Invitations

28th October 2013:
Alright, last one before bed!

I'm really tired, so let me start off by saying that this is amazing (you know, before I break into the crazy). I love it!

Now,

OMG WHAT? Argh! Of course I had to read THIS chapter before I have to go to bed...this is going to kill me! :( Talk about a plot twist AND a cliff hanger...holy crows.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Too too too!
Congratulations on being my one hundredth review since I started almost 10 months ago!!!

First, I'm glad you like it! Yay!

Second, yes, I'm sorry for such a cliff hanger... But at least you know what Charlie's been hiding!

Thanks so so so so much! You have no idea how much this means to be. Virtual hugs and balloons are being swnt your way as I type this.

Lo :) :)


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Review #40, by Rumpelstiltskin Potions, Mothers and Professor McLaren

28th October 2013:
Ah, an explanation to "Funny Bearded man." I personally found it very funny standing alone, but you've even provided an explanation and everything! Although, there's still a bit of mystery to it that I'm sure I will learn eventually.

Speaking of mystery, you're creating quite a few of them (mostly revolving around Lexi's background). I ant to know! But I'll be a good little Rumpel and keep reading and find the answers myself :).

So the Remus/Charlie idea is cute...although it seems to be spawning tensions (to say the least).

Speaking of...ouch. That was a rough fight. I'm sure that a friendship that has lasted for so long can recover from that eventually...right? Maybe? *Hopeful face*

This was an intense chapter, and I loved every moment!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi!
And more explanations for Lexi's cryptic background will be revealed in time!

And yes, I hope they will reconcile as well (although seeing as you've kept reading, I'm assuming you already know what's happened ;) )

And yay! I'm glad you like it! Thanks for R&Ring!

Lo:)


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Review #41, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Alexandra James

28th October 2013:
I'm back..and I wasn't procrastinating with my homework...very much.

Ah, yes I see now. Amos meant something to Lexi...still does, actually. Poor Lexi.

I liked the ways you described Kendra's promiscuity. "Kendra is far more friendly." That was brilliant.

Although I don't like to see Lexi and Amos together I can completely see why she's with him. Between her emotional connectivity from their background together and her being completely plastered, there is legitimate reason for her to be acting the way she is. Actually, now that I think about it, if I were in her position, I probably wouldn't do much different.

By the way, I think you've done a fantastic job at portraying a teenage girl under the influence. From her actions to her thoughts to her statements, you've nailed it.

Ah, I love this!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Yay! You're back!

And yay! I'm glad you like it!

I am also amazingly happy that you think I portrayed a teenage girl under the influence well because, well, I don't have experience on that matter to go on.

And I'm so glad you love this! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Lo :D


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Review #42, by Rumpelstiltskin Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

27th October 2013:
I just want to say that this line "the marauders never meant anything when they were joking around" is freaking fantastic. It is perfect for Sirius' mindset. In other words, great cannon!

Not a serious/Sirius joke! Who am I kidding, I love each and every one of them. One is even the background of my PC...*ahem* anyhow.

The reactions to Lily questioning the bet is priceless. "Shower my monkey" (/.) Bahahaha...honestly. Holy crow it took me a few minutes to recover from that. My fiance now thinks that I should be committed. :)

Right then,
I think that this story might be my new baby! That being said, I must take a homework break (-_-) but I will be back!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again!

And yay! Canon! And yes, the serious/Sirius joke... I had to :P It's a marauder fic necessity!

And I'm sorry I made you laugh so hard that your fiance thinks that. It must be difficult to think about committing your significant other :)

And NO! My baby! Okay, okay... I'll share the baby :( KIDDING! I'm glad you like it so much! And go, GO! Do the homework I'm assuming you've been procrastinating relentlessly!

I await your return! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! Makes my day!

Lo:)


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Review #43, by Rumpelstiltskin Quidditch, Bludgers and Cartwheels

27th October 2013:
Rumpel's here! (Although I'm not entirely sure whether or not I've caught up with my reviewing yet. Ah well, somebody will jab me if I'm being inattentive :).)

(/.) What happened to Camilla? I suppose that I'll just have to keep reading to find out.

I'm really enjoying Lexi's character. I can't wait to read more about her. She seems complex. (Did she really call Dumbledore "Funny Bearded Man"? Bahahahha! Too funny!)

That Amos Diggory on the other hand. I hope somebody kicks his butt...multiple times...with something sharp. :(

Oh Lily! I hope they make some amendments in the future.

Anyway, onwards!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel!

Yay! I'm glad you like it! And yes, you'll have to read more to learn about Cami. As for Lexi, she's not really complex, just stubborn, hot-headed, and all over sarcastic and pessimistic. Okay, maybe she's a little complex. :P

Amos, I'm sorry to say, is not shown as the bad guy in *everything* but please remember that he must have been a good enough guy for Lexi to go out with him!

And Lily and Lexi have a complicated relationship that I really need to flush out...

Thanks so much!

Lo :)


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Review #44, by nott theodore The Party: Alexandra James

27th October 2013:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review! I'm sorry it's so late but real life has been so hectic recently that I haven't had any time to read and review at all! Next time you request, would you mind filling out the 'areas of concern' part of my form? It really helps me to write constructive reviews and focus on what will be helpful to you.

I think the fact that you've chosen to flashback to the party using a whole chapter is quite an interesting idea, as I normally see flashbacks embedded in the main narrative. I think you have to be careful of the transition between this chapter and the next as they could feel a little stilted, but since you let the reader know at the beginning of the chapter what POV we're reading from and when, I think that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I really like the idea of seeing this moment from not just one or two characters' POV, because I think we'll get a much broader perspective on what's actually happening here. One thing I would suggest is that you could maybe include at the beginning when the party is actually taking place - it wasn't until later in the chapter that I pieced together the fact that it was a back-to-school party and that Alexandra was in sixth year. Other than that, I thought you structured the flashback well.

I'm a bit confused about Lily and Kendra at the moment, as I don't really understand why Alexandra thinks of them the way she does. Kendra seems a little annoying, but nice enough at the same time, and I can't understand why Alexandra keeps calling Lily awful names but then going onto admit she actually isn't what she's called her (you know what I mean, but I'm being careful to keep this review 12+). I suspect that there might be some more history behind these relationships, so I hope we'll find out some more about that soon.

I was actually pleasantly surprised by Amos' appearance in this chapter. It's the first time we've seen him in a role that doesn't automatically cast him as the bad guy, and I think you handled that well. I could understand both why Alexandra was so upset and then why she was so happy to get back with him. Perhaps you could say it happened a little too quickly and easily, but I think her being drunk would account for that. He also seemed really nice and respectful, refusing to do anything she might regret later on. I think it's nice to see that there must be a reason Alexandra has chosen to be with him, and perhaps that their relationship hasn't always been abusive. I'd have liked to see a reason for him dumping her after a year - surely it would be something she'd dwell on when she's upset?

I have a few little Brit-picks and typos as well:
"to stay in the washroom" - we use bathroom
"nosier girls in our grade" - we say year instead of grade
You missed a speech mark here: I'm not a woman,"

At the moment I'm assuming the 'mystery boy' she nearly kissed was Sirius, which I think is an intriguing development. I wonder if either of them remember having done so, because it doesn't seem like it from what we've seen this far into the story. Although I think that they could also be using that as a reason for disliking each other. Either way, I think it's an interesting addition to the story! I'm also guessing that the second 'mystery boy' that she saw was Regulus, as he was with the Slytherins...

I'm a little unsure on Charlie at the moment, but I know that she's up to something and there's something that makes me think it's a little less innocent than her just having a secret boyfriend. Especially having seen her cry and then disappear from the party, only to return in the early hours of the morning. I'm wondering if it's possibly something to do with the Death Eaters? I'll be really interested to see what it is when we find out!

I hope this was helpful for you, and again, feel free to re-request (just make sure you fill in the areas of concern part next time)!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi!
First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to do this (I know how hectic life can get), and it's really appreciated! And darn! Sorry, completely forgot about the areas of concern! Sorry!!!

Okay so... I will definitely try and make it obvious when the party is taking place, and try and make a really smooth transition!

I am currently trying to flush out the Kendra/Lily/Alexandra situations, but thank you for pointing out *exactly* where I need to add more details! It really helps! :)

As for Amos, I needed to show him in a good light since Lexi had to have agreed to go out with him, right? I'm glad you liked that I did that. And I will definitely try and include the reason for the dumping! Point noted!

Brit-picks I will work on! Darn! Why wasn't I born British? It would make this so much easier! And speech mark I will correct as well! Darn typos!

And yes, mystery boy was Sirius :P And the remembering of this event will come into play later on. And yes, you are right again: it was Regulus!

Charlie is hiding something big! So you've got that right, although the reason is decidedly not what you think (although I'll never tell you what it is :P).

And yes, this was totally helpful and so appreciated! I will definitely remember to fill in areas of concern next time, I promise! (So sorry about that again!). Thanks so so so so much!

Lo :)


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Review #45, by toomanycurls Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

23rd October 2013:
I'm *finally* here with your review. ...I have a confession, I got to reading this on my phone and read a few chapters ahead without reviewing. I'll get to those with proper comments. I like your story and got caught up in it though.

You definitely capture the voice of an arrogant teenage boy. ^_^ I love the bet they make and their consequence for not making their stated goal. I mean, if we did goals like that at work ... I'd never write hard goals at all. O.o moving on.

Giving Sirius the name of a person he doesn't like seems exactly what the marauders would do to one another. :D

Are there a lot of pregnancy scares at Hogwarts? Don't they get the talk? :P

I got a good laugh at Lily picking on their talk about the bet and (especially) their attempts to hide it. I know Peter is a traitor and a dork, but he is kind of adorable in a helpless way.

I really like how you write teenage Sirius. He's a bit more of a lady-killer than I imagined (but it's a very common way to write him). You do get his mannerisms and speech out very well. :D

I'm really glad you wrote more about Peter being shy and a bit awkward. I like seeing him with a little more depth than he usually gets (like you did here).

James' adoration of Lily and them pairing up for potions is really sweet. He's so excited and chipper about that. I especially like Sirius' annoyance at being dragged out of bed earlier than he needed to be just for James to go on about Lily.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad you like it!

The pregnancy scares, there aren't that many, but there are still some. Remember this is a boarding school where there is no 'the talk' to be given by parents. So while some are wise about that, others just don't have the right information.

Again, I'm so glad you liked it and thank you for your time, I really appreciate it :)


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Review #46, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

20th October 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here again with your requested review!

I like you idea to switch to Sirius's POV for this chapter. I like getting to see his contrasting version of events. The he-said/she-said conflict adds humor and drama to the story.

There were a couple of spots where I was not sure who was speaking. Here is one of them: "He smirked. 'Yes. Losing ... must give you a fair appetite shouldn't it?' I growled. 'First, I want to point out that it's been a month. How's everyone on their bets?'" I think it's best to place a paragraph break any time you switch from one character's dialog to another, just to make it crystal clear who is saying what. "He smirked," would seem to refer to Remus, while "I growled," would have to be Sirius. The presence of both pronouns makes the identity of the speaker(s) unclear.

Speaking of Remus, I know he turned a blind eye to his friends' bad behavior, but spurring them on with rather mean bets doesn't really seem in-character. I think James would be more likely to come up with the bets for Sirius, and Remus would just resignedly go along with them.

There a lot of really funny moments in this chapter. For instance, Sirius's complaining about his privates being put on display for the giant squid made me laugh. :) So did the moment where Peter shook Sirius out of his head space.

Their panic at Lily's discovery of the bet is also funny, as well as the Marauders Dictionary. :)

I think the humor is the best aspect of this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi!

Okay, I was planing on rewriting some of those scenes anyhow as soon as NaNo's done, but thanks for pointing those out so I know exactly what to look for! :)

And yes, now that you mention it, Remus would just kind of go along with it normally, but I think he's trying to do this to prove to Sirius that Sirius isn't all that he thinks he is. Does that make sense? When I redo these chapters, I'll try and make that clearer. Remus is really just trying to knock some sense into Sirius and deflate his ego.

But, I guess that doesn't really translate... But I fix it for you! and Others of course, but mainly you because you pointed it out ;)

Yay about humor! I really wanted this fic to be funny, so I'm glad you liked that!

Thanks so much for taking the time to do this, it was very insightful, useful, helpful, and appreciated!

Lo:)


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Review #47, by marauderfan The Party: Alexandra James

20th October 2013:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

I like the flashback idea, to have the same flashback from several POV's. I haven't seen that done before, so it's a neat idea. It's interesting having two plot lines being told at the same time. One thing I would be wary of with that is to make sure the flashback connects to the previous chapter, or the following chapter, in some way, otherwise it might seem kind of arbitrary and weird that the chapter is stuck in there at that point. That said, I think this chapter fit in well here because I was wondering what happened between Amos and Alexandra and this kind of answered that. Basically, long story short - if you haven't already, I think it'd be good to have some little transition surrounding each of the flashback chapters.

Amos didn't seem too bad in this chapter. This is the first chapter he's actually appeared, not just being talked about, and I was expecting to really hate him based on what he did later, but he seemed decent, at least in this scene.

I am really curious why Alexandra hates Lily and Kendra so much. Kendra didn't seem that bad to me. I have a feeling there's some back story about Lily and Alexandra, and I hope that shows up!

I have a bad feeling about Charlie, she was clearly hiding something and I have a feeling it's not good!

Well written chapter, I think you're doing great so far! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Okay, I will work on transition!

The Lily-Kendra thing isn't really capitalized on until later chapters, but I think I'll move that up considering so many people are wondering about it!

And Charlie *is* hiding something and it is decidedly *not* good.

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this! It has really helpful and insightful!

LO :)


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Review #48, by Cannons Quidditch, Bludgers and Cartwheels

16th October 2013:
Hi, there I'm here with your requested review!
Haha I don't know where to begin, too much good stuff happened!

Right so first thing first I think you've done a really nice job on this. You're description of the Quidditch match was done well. The image that stayed with me was when you said -

' Coming closer to the snitch and Potter on his broom, I turned upside down and let my hand dangle until I felt cool metal in my palm.'

That was a nice image, such a cool way to catch the snitch as well.

One thing I noticed was how you say at the top 'LEXI'S POV' but it was from her point of view the whole way through, so you could of let the reader know who's view it was from, subtly in the text. That's just pure pettiness on my part but I think it would make it look neater.

I liked how you had James and Lexi having some banter and how she was more then a match in handling two of the Marauders. So go Lexi! I think there might be more than just Quidditch rivalry between the two though.

One thing is you said about, how the interest has died down since the beginning, in your area of concerns. While I haven't read through all of it so far, I think the length of your chapters might be a bit too long? It is good that you have kept them consistent, but sometimes people can be intimidated by loads of text and stop half way through.

I think if you had ended it after the flash back then that would have left a nice little cliff hanger and people would click to the next one. I know you left a cliff hanger with Lexi slapping Lily, but maybe before might have been better? I don't know just a thought.

You wrote the flashback really well, you made me hate Amos, and then Lily at the end when she tells everyone!

With the british slang I don't think she would of said 'And now my linens probably smelled horrid' I would have said 'sheets' but then again everyone has a different way of saying things even in the same country!

Her talk with Dumbledore wasn't quite right IMO but props for writing him because I find him impossible to write. Just some of the things he says to her and maybe being overly friendly or mate-y, and when she says - 'Thank you, Funny Bearded Man' - I'm not sure anyone would say that to Dumbledore.. also Amos got away lightly.

When Lexi slapped Lily I think you could of added more description to make it stand out more maybe like this - 'With that I slapped her hard across the face. Noticing the hand mark on her flushed cheek and the stunned silence, I sprinted straight to the common room. ' or something just to make it more clear what had happened because at first I missed it.

Your characterisation of Lexi was great, she seems to be extremely talented and very aggressive/angry which I think is a great combination. I was so annoyed with Amos though and you've shown how she didn't have any trouble controlling the James and Sirius so she should be more than a match for Amos somewhere down the line. Personally I hope he gets what he deserves :D oh and her sarcasm!

Author's Response: "I really enjoyed your first chapter! I hope that I didn't come across to rude or negative because you are more experienced at writing than I am.

Feel free to request again, I would be more than happy to!

Cannons."

Hi! I added the ending of the review that you PM'ed me with, just for clarification's sake.

Ok, so you liked it? Yay! And I wrote the Quidditch part right? Double yay!

The POV thing is just because I change POVs often in my stories, so people have asked if I could do that to clear things up.

And you liked the banter then? Triple yay! (sorry, I do that a lot)

The length thing, I will definitely look at. I always love long chapters, but I guess it never clicked that some people might not. Thanks so much for pointing that out!

The slang I'll check, and I'll almost definitely change that.

Dumbledore, ah Dumbledore. You don't know how many problems I've had with that scene. I'll get it semi-right one of these days. The nickname will be explained later on.

The description in the slap was something I've never thought of, so that's pretty interesting. I will definitely use that, actually. I really like that idea!

And I'm so glad you like Lexi! Although, I really hope you (and to be honest everyone else) likes her harsh nature because it comes into play near the end. And I love her sarcasm too :P

So you liked it? You really liked it? Amazing yay! And no worry, you don't sound rude! You sound really nice to be honest! And it doesn't matter if you aren't 'experienced.' I've been writing fan fiction for only a few months now. I'm not that experienced myself :)

So, thank you for your amazing and helpful review! It was really appreciated!

MT:)


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Review #49, by loveinidleness Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

15th October 2013:
First of all I'm a horrible, terrible person for taking so long to get back to you with a review. I wanted to give myself enough time to really read it properly and make useful comments rather than rush through it. And I'm very glad I did because I'm really enjoying this story.

I'm sure you've drawn the taming of the shrew parallels but it's one of my favourite plays so I'm excited to see how you're going to take your own spin on the classic play,

I've got a couple of points on chap 1. I read two chapters by accident because I got too caught up... I love the quidditch match. I think it's such a clever way to establish the important dynamics in a way that isn't exposition, exposition, exposition. Also I liked the way you slipped in a cheeky bit of foreshadowing, mentioning her sister and things that had happened last week before Lexi pulled herself out of it. Normally it annoys me when characters stop themselves mid thought for no reason other than to increase dramatic tension so I liked the way you ensured she did have a reason i.e. she needed to focus on the practise.

A little bit that confused me in chap 1 was when Carter first gives her 20 laps to do. It read at first as if he was punishing her for crying. Of course you offer the real reason, ie she was being cheeky, later but I'd just make sure the reason is clear at the beginning because I found it a touch confused and distracting until I worked it out.

Chap 2 I really liked. I love the dynamic you create between this group of friends. This are so every teenage boy I ever knew. I agree that the descriptions of his friends were a bit OOC but other than that I think you're doing really well at creating a clear, distinctive and very funny voice for him.

I love that you haven't forgotten Peter and that you aren't instantly making him out to be a bad guy :)

I also like that you're playing with the seedier side of teenage adventures. In the original books we never got to see the drinking, smoking, swearing and sex that was going on because we were tied to the golden trio who were too busy doing important things like... staying alive. But of course it was going on, it's a boarding school and I'm really enjoying seeing that side of things. It makes for a really fun read.

I would say, I think you're very brave to tackle domestic violence in a teenage relationship as part of your story. I did wonder about Dumbledore's response to the situation. He clearly seemed to know, whether or not Lexi had told him but it was unclear what actions the school took. I do think it's really important we see this area resolved in an appropriate manner so I hope that's something you'll tackle through the story.

So far I really am enjoying it. 'Hatessed' will now become part of my day to day vocab and I love seeing a Ravenclaw be really kickass! Looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Hi!

And no, you are not a horrible nor terrible person, because you did get around to doing it! See? It all worked out in the end!
First, yay! you liked it so much you read two (that's 2!) chapters! Yay!
The 20 laps thing I haven't heard before so thanks for bringing that up. I will def look over that when I edit this.
Yes, my descriptions are OOC *sheepish smile* I'm working on it...
Now the Dumbledore scenario... It's giving me problems, it truly is. I *really* need to work on that. But thank you for pointing our what was unclear to you, and I will do my due diligence to change that for the readers and the ever so lovely reviewers ;)
And Hatesessed! Yes, James is a character. I'm pretty sure that in the chapter I do his POV in (I have to do one) he's going to list off every single one of his stupid made up words. Mwahahaha!
But yes, I love that word.

So, thank you so so so so so much for this! It was all extremely helpful and critical in a nice way.
MT:)


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Review #50, by nott theodore Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

12th October 2013:
Hi, I'm here for your requested review!

First of all I really enjoyed reading this chapter from Sirius's POV (and thank you for stating it was at the beginning, because a lot of people don't when they switch POVs and it gets very confusing!) and I thought you managed to capture his voice really well here. The sarcasm that pervades throughout the chapter really made me laugh at different times, and I thought it was well written and I can imagine a young Sirius doing that sort of thing. I would say don't forget to add a bit more depth to Sirius's character, as there his thoughts only seemed to tend in two directions, but I think there will be more development in later chapters.

One thing I noticed about some of the narrative from Sirius was that at times he sounds quite girly. The point when he individually describes all of the Marauders is almost list-like, but also something that a lot of guys don't tend to pick up on or consider that much. I understand that you want the reader to have an image of each of them, but I think that information would work better if you 'show not tell' and feed it throughout the chapter. For instance, at one point you could mention someone brushing (insert colour) hair from their eyes or something and that would convey the same information in a much subtler way.

One thing I do appreciate is that you haven't forgotten Peter in this story! People ignoring Peter in Marauders stories is one of my major annoyances, because we know from canon that he was their best friend through Hogwarts and the Potters trusted him enough to make him their Secret Keeper. It's really great to see him get a good role in this story, actually pulling pranks on the Slytherins himself and engaging properly in all their conversations.

Another aspect I really liked was the humour that we see in all four boys, because they were known as troublemakers and jokers and I can see that here. I think you write the humour element of the story really well.

I would make one suggestion about the dialogue, if you don't mind. At times it sounds a little cliche and overly dramatic - almost like what you'd hear on a modern day soap. There's a lot of swearing as well, and I don't think that's really necessary all the time (although I know most teenagers swear, it hardly appears in the books). I think I'd just tone down the swearing and name-calling a little bit to fit in better with the world we all know.

The idea of these bets is interesting me. The whole idea could be quite cliche and although I was surprised that the Marauders would dare Sirius to do something like that (and what they dared Remus, too), I think you'll probably put a new spin on it. At any rate it'll be really interesting to see what happens because of the bet, because even if Alexandra and Sirius do get together, I imagine her learning about the bet could cause quite a lot of trouble!

At times you need to watch out for your grammar, because there are quite a few missing commas and such, but I think reading through again could fix those. I also noticed a typo and have a few Brit-picks:
"already tried to sleep with you" - with her
"Anyways, I thought to myself" - 'anyways' is a really American way to say it, even now, so considering the period I'd definitely stick with 'anyway'
"her heart-shaped bangs" - we say 'fringe' instead of bangs here. It might be a good idea to have a look through the Britishms tutorial on the forums if you want to get a better grip on these :)

Finally I really like the way that you write the friendship between the boys. I can clearly tell, even though you don't focus on it from Sirius' POV, that they're really good friends, just from their actions. The little things that they know about each other - such as James knowing that Sirius was rolling his eyes, even though he couldn't see him - help to capture the friendship between the four of them and show how close they are.

I hope you found this review helpful, and feel free to re-request!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Well first, I'm so glad I captured Sirius's sarcastic/fun side, and that I made you laugh.
I realize Sirius is a little conceited and shallow, so when I go over this again, I'll probably add a little depth to his character as you mentioned.
As for the bets, I realize they are cliche... A lot cliche, actually. As for Sirius's bet, I like to think they bet him that when they were young and even more immature, and since he actually won it, they just kept going. Kinda strange, but that's my take.
The girlishness I need to fix, I know. *Really* need to work on that. Thanks for pointing out some of the notable things to work on though, I appreciate it so much.
Grammar and British words, I will check those. Thank you for pointing those out because I would have missed them.
As for the friendship, I'm glad you like the way I wrote them! And as for Peter, I've put a little spin on him in later chapters, but I'm really trying to convey that he's their friend, so yay! I did that correctly!
So, thank you for this, it was *amazingly* helpful and I'm grate flu you took the time to do this!
MT :)


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