Reading Reviews for All Bets Are Off
  
110 Reviews Found

Review #26, by toomanycurls Potions, Mothers and Professor McLaren

20th November 2013:
I'm here!! To review away!!

:-o I can't believe Lexi doesn't like Lupin! Be still my heart.

I so like the idea of Lily being a gossip. :D It just makes my day to have her be much less perfect.

haha, Remus' reaction to Lexi's nickname for Dumbledore. Many laughs were had.

No, she shouldn't be so quick to judge Remus. :P I could see how Lexi would see him as quite different.

I like that Lupin is re-thinking his assumptions about Ravenclaws. OooOOoooh, Remus has a crush!!

Aww, okay, I love the back and forth they have about Lupin's crush. I did have a hard time following a who was speaking in some of the lines, but a few dispersed dialogue tags would fix that. I just want to hug Lexi about her mom.

They are both really cool - I approve hanging out.

I'm going to get some popcorn for this fight between Charlie and Lexi. brb

Okay, back.

OoooOoh. They said some words. darn.

Okay, what is up with Charlie? Ooh, I think Lupin knows.

Dude, Carter needs to back the eff off. *grumble*

I am glad Lexi stood up for Charlie even if she's miffed and they're in the middle of a thing.

and then she just flipped out on Charlie and Lupin. what the eff dude??!?!

hmm, interesting that she's seeking help with nonverbal spells. That might be interesting later on. Ha, Prof McLaren is quite a hoot.

Really awesome chapter. The plot is twisting even more!!

Author's Response: Hey!

Don't worry! The Lupin/Lexi fiasco will pass! For a short period of time... But it will pass! And yay for a nonperfect Lily!

I will definitely try and rework that dialogue then since it got a little confusing, so thank you for pointing that out!!!

And momma drama! One of my favourite kinds of drama! And yay for hang outs and fights and popcorn!

Eesh! Words! How dare they? And yes, Lupin knows about Charlie's predicament. And Carter is really important! Don't hate him. Pretty please? :)

And yay for friendship! Although she's not the most stable so no yay for flipping out?

And yes, I love Professor McLaren. She's so awesome!

Yay! I'm glad you still like it! Thanks so much!
Lo:)


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Review #27, by toomanycurls The Party: Alexandra James

11th November 2013:
I feel so ashamed. I read this last month and got through quite a few chapters without reviewing. :( In my defense, I was reading it on my phone (bit o' bed time reading). I saw your post the other day about not getting comments but getting reads and I felt a bit bad.

On with my review!!

Poor Alexandra. :( I understand being hurt after a breakup but I hope she perks up soon. aw man, I've had the same thing where happy memories are harder after a break-up than the sad ones.

I laughed so hard after Charlie and Alexandra got dressed. Their comments about not looking cheap was hysterical.

Your scene with the party and Sirius (I'm guessing it's him even if Alexandra can't tell) is quite romantic/lusty. I keep re-reading that part. Ah, how could she leave that moment? I'd *die* for that moment.

As much as I don't like Amos right now, I am so happy he laid off despite the provocation. ^_^

I love how well you captured teenage/young feelings and situations. I got so caught up in the action and drama. .

-Rose

Author's Response: Aw! I didn't mean to make you feel bad! I actually do that all the time and then I feel so horrible myself, so don't you dare feel guilty!!!

But yay! you read it!

And I'm glad you found the breakup relatable considering I had to base that off of books and movies... My love life is unsurprisingly dead. But yay for laughs while getting dressed!

And yes, it is Sirius :P, and I KNOW! I would probably *faint* if I was in that situation. And I *definitely* wouldn't leave!

And yes, I know about the Amos situation of 'do-I-hate-him-or-not.' But, I had to show he was a good guy, because otherwise, why would Lexi be his girlfriend?

And I think the capture of teenage feelings may come from me (I'm one myself), although the situations I'm pleasantly surprised about considering my social life is about as dead as my love life.

"But that's okay!" I whisper to myself in my dark bedroom. "You have fanfiction. Fanfiction and cake..."

o.0 I don't know what that was. But thank you! I really appreciate this and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Lo:)


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Review #28, by Rumpelstiltskin Phil, Picnics and Screams in the Corridor

30th October 2013:
Ah, crazy Sirius Fan Club girls with their attempt at intimidating Lexi!

Ooh...do I detect Sirius becoming a bit jealous :).

AND

Oh gods not Sirius! WHY do you do this to me!? But he's okay...it's okay. You're going to give me a heart-attack, you do know that right? :p

I can't believe their is no more NEXT button! :(

I will be a patient Rumpel and wait for an update :). If I happen to miss it (because you know I'm inattentive) feel free to give me a swift kick with a PM!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Ah! Yes, Sirius's Fan Club is not so subtle, nor are they sane. And yes, I do think that detected jealousy is there!

And I did it for the plot! I'm so sorry! But yes, he's okay, so its okay!

And yes, I know. I'm having a hard time updating since I've been planning for NaNo.

And don't worry, I will ;)

Lo :)


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Review #29, by Rumpelstiltskin Strudels, Talking and Insufferable Pleas

30th October 2013:
Lexi's reaction was pure awesomeness! But I didn't think that completely avoiding Sirius forever was going to actually work :).

Oh, wow, the flashback provided quite a bit of information. It was very lovely and SO sweet!

Oh Lexi. She's *really* nervous. I think the whole Sirius thing and Cami trying to kill herself (not to mention her background) might be waring on her a little bit. Poor Lexi :(. But her Sirius-evasion was successful and brilliant in its own insane little way :)!

And hooray! She's going on a date with Sirius!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Yes, I assumed Lexi would go for the more practical 'eat your feelings and problems away' instead of 'stay in the dark routine' like someone ;P

And I'm glad you liked the flashback!

And poor Lexi. Her issues are really making that relationship hard, aren't they?

But yay! A DATE! I'm even excited and I know what's about to happen!

Lo ;)



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Review #30, by Rumpelstiltskin Kisses, Blood and Something More (?)

30th October 2013:
Back!

...wow...

Between what happened to Cami (oh gods why Cami!?) and Sirius back ground (poor Sirius!) and Lexi's distraught state ( :( ) all I want to do is lay in a dark room by myself for a bit! :(

Anyway.

So Sirius being all gentlemanly and not taking a drunken Lexi up on her offer? Good for him! And then, afterwards, YAY for some non-gentlemanly-ness!

There, slap Rosie, that'll make you feel a little better. Although, it would probably feel even better if it were Diggory.

Okay, I've finished talking with your character. Sorry 'bout that.

Onwards!
-Rumpel

Author's Response: Ah! I know! Don't throw tomatoes at me!

And come out of the dark room. Food is always a much more practical solution than barricading yourself in the dark.

And yes, I'm so proud of Sirius for being so gentlemanly (and then for being decidedly not)!

And that's okay! Talk to my characters all you want ;)

Lo :)


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Review #31, by Neha Phil, Picnics and Screams in the Corridor

29th October 2013:
great story!!!love it..totally awesome...

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you think so!

Lo:)


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Review #32, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Kendra Williams

29th October 2013:
Ah, the party from Kendra's perspective!

She's a bit scary, isn't she? What with the predatory remarks...run Sirius...o.o

But I can't exactly blame her with having a father like that. Goodness.

So this gave me some more insight on the game of truth or dare. I was really curious about that one :).

I'm not sure I can pick just one moment that was my favorite, as many parts were favorite-worthy. Although, Kendra's reaction to Charlie and Remus...and then there's James in the underwear...much of it was really priceless! :)

Argh, I've got to stop to get ready for work. I'll either be back between jobs or before or after homework. At any rate, I WILL be back (how could I not)!

Until then,
-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again!

And yes, Kendra is a little... predatory... And it is sad to say her father *may* have been the cause of that.

And yay! Favourite moments! I honestly loved James's underwear-scapade.

And I trust you to be back, so do your work and homework and everything you need to do!

Lo :)


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Review #33, by Rumpelstiltskin Furry Coats, Non-Verbal Spells and Obscure Letters

29th October 2013:
OH MY GODS SHE FINALLY KISSED HIM!

...I apologize for shouting but YAY!

You had be worried there for a bit about Sirius' condition...he can't just DIE! :(

But it's all okay...and I am anticipating MORE KISSES!! :)

-Rumpel

Author's Response: YAY! SHE FINALLY KISSED HIM!

And don't worry about the shouting. My friend at school who's also reading this actually jumped on me after she read this and squealed.

And yes, I'm evil in that way, but to be honest, Sirius can't die can he? I'm a serious cannon-er ;)

And you should be anticipating much more than that! ;)

Lo :)


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Review #34, by Rumpelstiltskin Middle Names, Regulus and My Life Story

29th October 2013:
Pumpkin juice over the head? A perfect breakfast vengeance!

Oh, yay! Lexi's interacting with Regulus. It was all going smoothly until Sirius (or PIMA-which is all too funny by the way) arrived. And honestly, Ally? Sirius needs to be smacked!

Argh-with the interruptions all of the time! This relationship is making me seasick...and I love it! :p

I'm glad I finally got to see the Funny Bearded Man story! I'm also glad that I got to learn a bit more about Lexi's background, as sad as it may be. And Sirius', although I assumed he never had a very good family life to begin with.

:(

I need to go read the next chapter now.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello again!

And yes, I do believe that Pumpkin Juice is good, although the stealing of all the bacon, pancakes, and waffles may have been a tiny bit eviler.

And yay! I'm so glad you liked all of it! Reg is so cute with 'Ally' (curse you Sirius for being a dunderhead!) and I'm going to tell you know, there's something more between those two as the story progresses ;)

Interruptions! How I love them! :P My favourite part of writing All Bets Are Off!

And yes, sad background stories... At least most of the mystery is gone! (Or is it?)

Yes! Go read the next chapter! I condone that very much! ;)

Lo :)


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Review #35, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew

29th October 2013:
Oh, very cool. Two different perspectives in one chapter!

I am learning so much about the events of the party :).

Moving forward.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it!

And yay! Moving forwards! Onward we shall go!

Thank you for R&Ring!

Lo:)


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Review #36, by Rumpelstiltskin Prisons, Parties and Bruises

29th October 2013:
I am standing in little pieces of what could have been something between Sirius and Lexi, aren't I? That's okay, I'll just pick them up and hold them for you in case you decide you want to put them back together. I am helpful like that! :D

At least Cami's okay.

Oh Lexi, don't lie...you're a bit jealous. Not to mention peeved because Sirius Black's an idiot :(.

But he did gain some redemption...what with punching Diggory and whatnot. At least the pieces are slowly being put back together :)!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Aw! Thank you for holding those for me! I will definitely use those later ;)

And yes, Lexi might be a little jealous, although she'd never tell ;)

And yay! You get to punch Diggory, you get to punch Diggory, EVERY GETS TO PUNCH DIGGORY!!!

Thanks so so much!

Lo :)


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Review #37, by Rumpelstiltskin Annabelle, Snowmen and Air Ducts

29th October 2013:
Yes, only Lexi would kick somebody's hand during a Death Eater attack. I suppose, in her defense, said hand was over her mouth.

Curious little girls with their moment ruining! The entire scene with Lexi, Sirius, and Annabelle was very cute!

Oh gods! What happened to Cami!?

Bellatrix is one of those characters that I love to hate. You did a fantastic job displaying the dynamic between Bellatrix and Sirius.

AND are we beginning to see a bit of Sirius ACTUALLY caring (maybe a tiny bit) for Lexi? :) I shall read on to find out.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello again!

And yes, she was totally right to do that. Especially considering it was Sirius.

And don't worry! Moment ruining won't be a constant (well, you have to read a few more chapters for it not to be)!

And yay! Bellatrix done right! I'm glad you thought so!

Thanks so much, and yes, you will have to read on to see exactly how Sirius's feelings for Lexi are developing ;)

Lo:)


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Review #38, by Rumpelstiltskin Healers, I've Never and Lockdown

29th October 2013:
There's Cami! I was wonder when I was going to meet/hear more about her.

I loved Lexi's attempts to assure the random healer that Sirius was not her boyfriend. :) That was funny.

Holy crow, that is a scary game. That one might be the causation of spoiled friendships and ended relationships. Is that a real drinking game? I hope not :(.

Oh boy, Death Eaters...this is going to get interesting.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Yay! Cami! And don't worry, we'll see more of her soon!

And actually, it is a real drinking game, although I'm pretty sure no one's ever done that in a hospital and secrets aren't usually that big...

Eee! Death Eaters! Whatever will happen next? Well, I know :P

Thanks so so so much!

Lo:)


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Review #39, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Sirius Black

29th October 2013:
Ahahaha! Lily...breaking poor James' heart over and over :). I can't help but laugh!

I have a friend who likes to get naked when he drink too much...it's always a frightening event and everyone knows that the party's over when that happens. But James in lacy knickers...that one luckily hasn't happened.

*Ahem*

Anyway...

I like how you're going back through the events with other character's point of view. It's a neat way to capture multiple perspectives in a first-person story. It also is explaining quite a bit of events that were a fairly hazy as told from Lexi's drunken stupor.

And might I just say...Eww..."projective vomit" :).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again!

And yes, poor, poor James. If only he would let off! And don't be so sure about James. Lily and James's sides of the party haven't been told *yet*, but it does come up and yes it is a strange thing to witness.

Yay! I'm glad you like it! I was trying to go for a single event with lots of different perspectives, all leading up to a giant bombardment of secrets and lies.

And yes. Projectile vomit is decidedly ew.

Thanks so much!

Lo:)


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Review #40, by Rumpelstiltskin Flying, Falling and Hospital Wings

28th October 2013:
Oh action-y! That was very nice. What better way to show some adrenaline-accelerating and (nearly) death-defying action than a rival Quiddich match? So much fun!

A slug who can only speak Hungarian, huh? Well that would be interesting, to say the least! XD

Look at Sirius trying to be helpful.

Ah, sleepy James making Quiddich references. :)

I just want to comment on "surrendering to dreams." That line is brilliant (not to mention beautiful). But that's what sleep really is, isn't it? A kind of surrendering.

At any rate, I know I'm very late on my vote and doubt it will count but I'm voting for Remus anyway. :)

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Eeee! Yay! You're back!

I'm so glad you liked this! My Quidditch writing skills aren't too bad then if I do say so myself!

I'll go hide in the corner of modesty now...

And yay! I'm glad you liked so many things. And the surrendering to dreams thing... wow. I never really thought that much into the words I was writing.

And don't worry, your vote still counts as not many have actually bothered to do so (oh well!).

Thanks so much for everything!

Lo:)


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Review #41, by Rumpelstiltskin Pregnancy, Werewolves and Towels

28th October 2013:
I can't blame her there, ticking is the only form of torture that is socially acceptable!

There are several statements I wish to make at this time:

One- Aha! The revelation of the werewolf...I wonder who will be the one to tell Charlie...

Two- Oh my. Sirius Black's manliness in Lexi's towel. I can't decide between "poor Lexy" and "lucky".

Three- Oh Peter, "I always thought he was gay." Holy crow..that was too funny.

So, is Lexi really prejudice against werewolves or is she just angry about the whole Charlie/Remus thing and still in the aftermath of being attacked by said werewolf? A little of everything? I can see why she would be prejudice as werewolves are classified as dark creatures and well...terrifying. I was just curious.

I'm sure I'll find out more if I read more :).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: I hate being tickle coerced, so we're on the same page!

One: Revelation has been made. And I should really have made it clearer that Charlie knows about Remus. He told her when she told him that she was pregnant...

Two: At the moment, Lexi is not feeling very lucky. Later though... ;)

Three: It was kind of how I envisioned the scene playing out in a movie and Peter *is* supposed to be a type of comic relief.

And no, Lexi doesn't care that he's a werewolf, but that he got Charlie pregnant even though he knew he was a werewolf (not that Remus meant to, but Lexi doesn't like the notion of a strange unknown thing growing in her best mate's belly (I know that's harsh, but that's how she views it because, come on, how many half-werewolves were there in that time).

Hope that answered your questions and thank you so much again!

Lo:)


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Review #42, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Charlotte Meaver

28th October 2013:
...
Okay, I couldn't help myself.
But could you really blame me?

You're right, Charlie's perspective did clear a few things up. Especially why she'd been acting so strangely. Also several other factor including but not limited to Carter flipping his lid and why Remus was suddenly hanging around her.

I laughed, though, at Charlie's response to Remus waking up...that was priceless.

Okay, I MIGHT be able to go to sleep now...maybe.

We'll see.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: No, I can't blame you :P

And I'm glad I was able to clear things up :)

And yes, Charlie's response... Not the brightest witch that one when she's under pressure... Although I'm sure when you see how Remus remembers it, it'll make you laugh again!

Thanks so much!

Lo:)


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Review #43, by Rumpelstiltskin Guillotines, Curses and Invitations

28th October 2013:
Alright, last one before bed!

I'm really tired, so let me start off by saying that this is amazing (you know, before I break into the crazy). I love it!

Now,

OMG WHAT? Argh! Of course I had to read THIS chapter before I have to go to bed...this is going to kill me! :( Talk about a plot twist AND a cliff hanger...holy crows.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Too too too!
Congratulations on being my one hundredth review since I started almost 10 months ago!!!

First, I'm glad you like it! Yay!

Second, yes, I'm sorry for such a cliff hanger... But at least you know what Charlie's been hiding!

Thanks so so so so much! You have no idea how much this means to be. Virtual hugs and balloons are being swnt your way as I type this.

Lo :) :)


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Review #44, by Rumpelstiltskin Potions, Mothers and Professor McLaren

28th October 2013:
Ah, an explanation to "Funny Bearded man." I personally found it very funny standing alone, but you've even provided an explanation and everything! Although, there's still a bit of mystery to it that I'm sure I will learn eventually.

Speaking of mystery, you're creating quite a few of them (mostly revolving around Lexi's background). I ant to know! But I'll be a good little Rumpel and keep reading and find the answers myself :).

So the Remus/Charlie idea is cute...although it seems to be spawning tensions (to say the least).

Speaking of...ouch. That was a rough fight. I'm sure that a friendship that has lasted for so long can recover from that eventually...right? Maybe? *Hopeful face*

This was an intense chapter, and I loved every moment!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi!
And more explanations for Lexi's cryptic background will be revealed in time!

And yes, I hope they will reconcile as well (although seeing as you've kept reading, I'm assuming you already know what's happened ;) )

And yay! I'm glad you like it! Thanks for R&Ring!

Lo:)


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Review #45, by Rumpelstiltskin The Party: Alexandra James

28th October 2013:
I'm back..and I wasn't procrastinating with my homework...very much.

Ah, yes I see now. Amos meant something to Lexi...still does, actually. Poor Lexi.

I liked the ways you described Kendra's promiscuity. "Kendra is far more friendly." That was brilliant.

Although I don't like to see Lexi and Amos together I can completely see why she's with him. Between her emotional connectivity from their background together and her being completely plastered, there is legitimate reason for her to be acting the way she is. Actually, now that I think about it, if I were in her position, I probably wouldn't do much different.

By the way, I think you've done a fantastic job at portraying a teenage girl under the influence. From her actions to her thoughts to her statements, you've nailed it.

Ah, I love this!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Yay! You're back!

And yay! I'm glad you like it!

I am also amazingly happy that you think I portrayed a teenage girl under the influence well because, well, I don't have experience on that matter to go on.

And I'm so glad you love this! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Lo :D


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Review #46, by Rumpelstiltskin Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

27th October 2013:
I just want to say that this line "the marauders never meant anything when they were joking around" is freaking fantastic. It is perfect for Sirius' mindset. In other words, great cannon!

Not a serious/Sirius joke! Who am I kidding, I love each and every one of them. One is even the background of my PC...*ahem* anyhow.

The reactions to Lily questioning the bet is priceless. "Shower my monkey" (/.) Bahahaha...honestly. Holy crow it took me a few minutes to recover from that. My fiance now thinks that I should be committed. :)

Right then,
I think that this story might be my new baby! That being said, I must take a homework break (-_-) but I will be back!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again!

And yay! Canon! And yes, the serious/Sirius joke... I had to :P It's a marauder fic necessity!

And I'm sorry I made you laugh so hard that your fiance thinks that. It must be difficult to think about committing your significant other :)

And NO! My baby! Okay, okay... I'll share the baby :( KIDDING! I'm glad you like it so much! And go, GO! Do the homework I'm assuming you've been procrastinating relentlessly!

I await your return! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review! Makes my day!

Lo:)


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Review #47, by Rumpelstiltskin Quidditch, Bludgers and Cartwheels

27th October 2013:
Rumpel's here! (Although I'm not entirely sure whether or not I've caught up with my reviewing yet. Ah well, somebody will jab me if I'm being inattentive :).)

(/.) What happened to Camilla? I suppose that I'll just have to keep reading to find out.

I'm really enjoying Lexi's character. I can't wait to read more about her. She seems complex. (Did she really call Dumbledore "Funny Bearded Man"? Bahahahha! Too funny!)

That Amos Diggory on the other hand. I hope somebody kicks his butt...multiple times...with something sharp. :(

Oh Lily! I hope they make some amendments in the future.

Anyway, onwards!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel!

Yay! I'm glad you like it! And yes, you'll have to read more to learn about Cami. As for Lexi, she's not really complex, just stubborn, hot-headed, and all over sarcastic and pessimistic. Okay, maybe she's a little complex. :P

Amos, I'm sorry to say, is not shown as the bad guy in *everything* but please remember that he must have been a good enough guy for Lexi to go out with him!

And Lily and Lexi have a complicated relationship that I really need to flush out...

Thanks so much!

Lo :)


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Review #48, by nott theodore The Party: Alexandra James

27th October 2013:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review! I'm sorry it's so late but real life has been so hectic recently that I haven't had any time to read and review at all! Next time you request, would you mind filling out the 'areas of concern' part of my form? It really helps me to write constructive reviews and focus on what will be helpful to you.

I think the fact that you've chosen to flashback to the party using a whole chapter is quite an interesting idea, as I normally see flashbacks embedded in the main narrative. I think you have to be careful of the transition between this chapter and the next as they could feel a little stilted, but since you let the reader know at the beginning of the chapter what POV we're reading from and when, I think that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I really like the idea of seeing this moment from not just one or two characters' POV, because I think we'll get a much broader perspective on what's actually happening here. One thing I would suggest is that you could maybe include at the beginning when the party is actually taking place - it wasn't until later in the chapter that I pieced together the fact that it was a back-to-school party and that Alexandra was in sixth year. Other than that, I thought you structured the flashback well.

I'm a bit confused about Lily and Kendra at the moment, as I don't really understand why Alexandra thinks of them the way she does. Kendra seems a little annoying, but nice enough at the same time, and I can't understand why Alexandra keeps calling Lily awful names but then going onto admit she actually isn't what she's called her (you know what I mean, but I'm being careful to keep this review 12+). I suspect that there might be some more history behind these relationships, so I hope we'll find out some more about that soon.

I was actually pleasantly surprised by Amos' appearance in this chapter. It's the first time we've seen him in a role that doesn't automatically cast him as the bad guy, and I think you handled that well. I could understand both why Alexandra was so upset and then why she was so happy to get back with him. Perhaps you could say it happened a little too quickly and easily, but I think her being drunk would account for that. He also seemed really nice and respectful, refusing to do anything she might regret later on. I think it's nice to see that there must be a reason Alexandra has chosen to be with him, and perhaps that their relationship hasn't always been abusive. I'd have liked to see a reason for him dumping her after a year - surely it would be something she'd dwell on when she's upset?

I have a few little Brit-picks and typos as well:
"to stay in the washroom" - we use bathroom
"nosier girls in our grade" - we say year instead of grade
You missed a speech mark here: I'm not a woman,"

At the moment I'm assuming the 'mystery boy' she nearly kissed was Sirius, which I think is an intriguing development. I wonder if either of them remember having done so, because it doesn't seem like it from what we've seen this far into the story. Although I think that they could also be using that as a reason for disliking each other. Either way, I think it's an interesting addition to the story! I'm also guessing that the second 'mystery boy' that she saw was Regulus, as he was with the Slytherins...

I'm a little unsure on Charlie at the moment, but I know that she's up to something and there's something that makes me think it's a little less innocent than her just having a secret boyfriend. Especially having seen her cry and then disappear from the party, only to return in the early hours of the morning. I'm wondering if it's possibly something to do with the Death Eaters? I'll be really interested to see what it is when we find out!

I hope this was helpful for you, and again, feel free to re-request (just make sure you fill in the areas of concern part next time)!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi!
First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to do this (I know how hectic life can get), and it's really appreciated! And darn! Sorry, completely forgot about the areas of concern! Sorry!!!

Okay so... I will definitely try and make it obvious when the party is taking place, and try and make a really smooth transition!

I am currently trying to flush out the Kendra/Lily/Alexandra situations, but thank you for pointing out *exactly* where I need to add more details! It really helps! :)

As for Amos, I needed to show him in a good light since Lexi had to have agreed to go out with him, right? I'm glad you liked that I did that. And I will definitely try and include the reason for the dumping! Point noted!

Brit-picks I will work on! Darn! Why wasn't I born British? It would make this so much easier! And speech mark I will correct as well! Darn typos!

And yes, mystery boy was Sirius :P And the remembering of this event will come into play later on. And yes, you are right again: it was Regulus!

Charlie is hiding something big! So you've got that right, although the reason is decidedly not what you think (although I'll never tell you what it is :P).

And yes, this was totally helpful and so appreciated! I will definitely remember to fill in areas of concern next time, I promise! (So sorry about that again!). Thanks so so so so much!

Lo :)


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Review #49, by toomanycurls Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

23rd October 2013:
I'm *finally* here with your review. ...I have a confession, I got to reading this on my phone and read a few chapters ahead without reviewing. I'll get to those with proper comments. I like your story and got caught up in it though.

You definitely capture the voice of an arrogant teenage boy. ^_^ I love the bet they make and their consequence for not making their stated goal. I mean, if we did goals like that at work ... I'd never write hard goals at all. O.o moving on.

Giving Sirius the name of a person he doesn't like seems exactly what the marauders would do to one another. :D

Are there a lot of pregnancy scares at Hogwarts? Don't they get the talk? :P

I got a good laugh at Lily picking on their talk about the bet and (especially) their attempts to hide it. I know Peter is a traitor and a dork, but he is kind of adorable in a helpless way.

I really like how you write teenage Sirius. He's a bit more of a lady-killer than I imagined (but it's a very common way to write him). You do get his mannerisms and speech out very well. :D

I'm really glad you wrote more about Peter being shy and a bit awkward. I like seeing him with a little more depth than he usually gets (like you did here).

James' adoration of Lily and them pairing up for potions is really sweet. He's so excited and chipper about that. I especially like Sirius' annoyance at being dragged out of bed earlier than he needed to be just for James to go on about Lily.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad you like it!

The pregnancy scares, there aren't that many, but there are still some. Remember this is a boarding school where there is no 'the talk' to be given by parents. So while some are wise about that, others just don't have the right information.

Again, I'm so glad you liked it and thank you for your time, I really appreciate it :)


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Review #50, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Bets, Awkward Encounters and Prongs

20th October 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here again with your requested review!

I like you idea to switch to Sirius's POV for this chapter. I like getting to see his contrasting version of events. The he-said/she-said conflict adds humor and drama to the story.

There were a couple of spots where I was not sure who was speaking. Here is one of them: "He smirked. 'Yes. Losing ... must give you a fair appetite shouldn't it?' I growled. 'First, I want to point out that it's been a month. How's everyone on their bets?'" I think it's best to place a paragraph break any time you switch from one character's dialog to another, just to make it crystal clear who is saying what. "He smirked," would seem to refer to Remus, while "I growled," would have to be Sirius. The presence of both pronouns makes the identity of the speaker(s) unclear.

Speaking of Remus, I know he turned a blind eye to his friends' bad behavior, but spurring them on with rather mean bets doesn't really seem in-character. I think James would be more likely to come up with the bets for Sirius, and Remus would just resignedly go along with them.

There a lot of really funny moments in this chapter. For instance, Sirius's complaining about his privates being put on display for the giant squid made me laugh. :) So did the moment where Peter shook Sirius out of his head space.

Their panic at Lily's discovery of the bet is also funny, as well as the Marauders Dictionary. :)

I think the humor is the best aspect of this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi!

Okay, I was planing on rewriting some of those scenes anyhow as soon as NaNo's done, but thanks for pointing those out so I know exactly what to look for! :)

And yes, now that you mention it, Remus would just kind of go along with it normally, but I think he's trying to do this to prove to Sirius that Sirius isn't all that he thinks he is. Does that make sense? When I redo these chapters, I'll try and make that clearer. Remus is really just trying to knock some sense into Sirius and deflate his ego.

But, I guess that doesn't really translate... But I fix it for you! and Others of course, but mainly you because you pointed it out ;)

Yay about humor! I really wanted this fic to be funny, so I'm glad you liked that!

Thanks so much for taking the time to do this, it was very insightful, useful, helpful, and appreciated!

Lo:)


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