Reading Reviews for Dear Al
  
38 Reviews Found

Review #26, by lovethepotters Hogsmeade

31st July 2013:
I was slightly disappointed reading this chapter because I knew there wasn't another chapter waiting for me (hint hint, update soon) :P

YAY JAMES IS HERE! *jumps around* sorry, I might have a slightly unhealthy James Potter obsession haha! I'm glad to see he made his first appearance in this chapter! Trust him to interrupt Lily's moments with Snape though, poor poor Severus :P

Just a quick question: during what year does the Hogsmeade incident occur? I'm guessing Snape's attempt to ask Lily out occurs in fifth year! Just curious :)

As usual, a few minor grammatical mistakes but they can be fixed in a jiffy! Can't wait to read the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Haha, aww. I should apologize about that. I have somethings written out, and I've been meaning to update this story, but I've been so pressed for time, it's crazy!

Haha! I understand you. I have spent so much time gushing over James Potter myself :P I'm glad you're happy! And yes, something had to be done, after all, it is James we're talking about!

This happens in the third year. He's trying to ask her, but hasn't worked up the confidence yet.

Thanks, once again :) I'll make sure I update this soon!


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Review #27, by lovethepotters Park Swings and Chaste Kisses

31st July 2013:
I'm back! Sorry, I hope I don't bore you with this review!

First of all, I don't know why you are apologising for this chapter. I really liked it - short, sweet and directly to the point :) I think the three little vignettes of Snape and Lily as children are so believable, I could literally see all the events playing out in my head, so kudos to you! I think you've done a brilliant job with the imagery in this chapter (if you haven't guessed already haha)

I love the contrasts you establish between Snape and Lily from such a young age! You've subtly hinted at Snape's Death Eater tendencies with the line: "Don't worry, when we learn how to do some serious magic, we can make her cry". I really enjoyed that, in a completely non-sadistic way of course :P

I also love how you've subtly used the details JKR has given us about Snape and Lily as kids - Snape of course, being the poor, impoverished, unloved child while Lily seemed to radiate happiness wherever she went. I think you've done a really good job at conveying it here :)

There are a few mistakes regarding grammar and tenses, so you might want to look over this chapter again when you re-edit it. Now I'm off to read the next chapter, sorry for boring you with this stupendously long review!

Author's Response: You never quite bore me with the reviews. I feel a little elated when I see that you've reviewed one of my stories, actually :)

Phew. I'm glad you think it's believable. It was my main worry. What you've said, is a HUGE compliment. Thank you :) And I'm glad you appreciated the imagery!

And yes! I always believed that there had to be tendencies from the start. I don't think he'd have just hopped out of bed one day, and decided that he would like to follow Voldemort. Also, Lily and Snape seem like opposing ends of the pole. Yet, there is something sweet about the admiration that Snape holds for Lily. I would never see her with anyone but James, I guess. But my heart does go out to Snape sometimes.

And yess! I love JKR, and everything she's written. She's dropped off so many little tidbits that we can use for our stories, actually. And canon-y details all the way! 'Tis JKR's word. I wouldn't go against it!

Don't worry about boring me. You don't :P
Again, I loved your review.
Thanks a bunch! You've made me a happy girl! :D


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Review #28, by lovethepotters Prologue

31st July 2013:
Argh! My apologies in advance - I actually read this story about a week ago but didn't get around to reviewing! I thought I'd do so now, hope you don't mind :) I remember the first thing I saw when seeing this was JILY and then I thought, "YES I have to read this, especially since you wrote it!" :)

I really love the concept of this story - it's so unique. I'd never given much thought to how Harry would react if he visited Spinner's End but after reading your version of events, I think it's quite realistic. Just one little quibble - I was surprised at how quickly Harry managed to find Snape's diary! I thought it would have been well concealed (considering he would have had to hide it from Voldy and the Death Eaters in case of unexpected house calls) but I'll happily go along with what you've written :)

You have a few minor grammatical mistakes but they're nothing a quick chapter revision won't fix! Thanks for this lovely story - can't wait to see where it goes!

Author's Response: Hi there! It's you again :D
*jumps up and down*
Don't worry about that! I'm super happy that you did decide to swing back and drop in a review... or three. Made my day, they did.
I have been on such a Jily kick, as I told you. I think they're amazing together.

And 'Since I wrote it'?! *blush*
Why,thank you!

I'm glad you liked the idea behind the story. It struck me one day, and I just had to writer about, especially since I was doing a challenge that gave me a chance to. I never realized how easy I'd made it for Harry to find it, actually. Till a couple of reviews pointed it out. I'm glad 'you'll go with it' tough :) Makes it easier :P

I really need to read through things and fix up these tiny errors. Capitalization, I think. I'll go through it.

Thanks :)


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Review #29, by joy9494 Prologue

30th July 2013:
This was fantastic, I usually stay far away from next Generation Fiction because to me it's all the same, but I really like what you've done here. Harry feels really believable it's almost scary to catch such an older version, like I said I stay away from Next Generation, and I love the idea of him going back and reading Snape's Diary. I also really like how you've made this too, about Albus and his fear of being sorted in to Slytherin. Harry went most of his life thinking that Slytherins were just generally bad and then we learn about Snape's true alliance and it kind of flips everything around. I don't see enough stories focusing on Harry's perception after he discovers that Snape had saved his life, and that he was in love with Lily. I think you have a very believable and fascinating start here. I usually try to be more critical when I review but really I don't see anything that needs improving.

Author's Response: Hey there :)
Thank you so much for this lovely review :D
You've said such nice things, I just want to get over there and give you a hug! I'm glad you liked the idea, and how I've portrayed the characters. I too believe that we don't have enough stories which look at the Harry-Snape dynamic after Harry finds out the truth.
This review has made me so SO happy. Thanks a bunch! :)


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Review #30, by GingeredTea Prologue

15th July 2013:
This is a really terrific story. The first couple paragraphs were a bit hard to get into (not sure why, might just have been my mood), but just a tiny bit further in it really grabbed me!

I do kinda feel like Severus wouldn't have left a book like that out in the open (wouldn't it have been easy to find it if hadn't been covered in dust) when he did have Death Eaters going in and out during his life. But for the sake of my interest in the story I'll assume that it was disguised and when he died the magic around it died as well (like Lily's fish in a bowl with Slughorn).

Anyways, wonderful writing and pretty good flow. Can't wait to catch you in the review tag again and read more! :)

Thanks for the great read!

Author's Response: Hello there :)
Thanks for reviewing.

Terrific? Wow. It makes me feel really good. Maybe this is a story which takes a little bit of settling into, but I'm glad you liked it after reading on!

And that's an interesting point of view. It didn't occur to me that maybe he might have transfigured it. It did cross my mind that it wouldn't be easy to find, which is why I wrote it so that it took Harry some time to find. Plus, it was coated in dust. But you've put across a really interesting point!

Thanks for this :)
I hope we can hear from each other more :)
I'm glad you liked this!


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Review #31, by academica Prologue

15th July 2013:
Hello, here from Review Tag :)

This is a cool idea for a story. I love the thought of Harry being intrigued by the man he thought he knew so well but really of whom he barely scratched the surface. I can imagine the wheels in his head turning and him being interested in learning more, if only for the chance to try to understand his mother more. It was also neat how Albus's fear of being sorted into Slytherin caused him to reconsider his idea of perusing the diary.

This is a good start, and I hope to come back and read more soon. I think I'll favorite this so I remember. Oh, and on a personal note, I think it's much better to let your muse roam free than to restrict yourself to writing only one type of story, so kudos to you for being willing to try something new :)

Great work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey there, Amanda! :)
Thanks for the lovely compliments :)

I too feel that Harry would have been interested to find out more about Snape after the war, as everything he had known up until that point had been beautifully put up by Snape himself, to save Harry's life. It seems like a very Harry kinda thing to do. I was just thinking that he would have waited till the right moment to open the diary. And Albus' fears may have given him the opportunity.

And yes, after writing this, I did feel like writing about other pairings too would be a good idea. It's quite nice, not being bound or restricted. I've written Teddy/Victoire too, after this.

Anyway, thanks for the great review and favourite! ^_^


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Review #32, by patronus_charm Prologue

15th July 2013:
Hello there Iím here with your review!

I know Iíve read a few other things of yours but I have to said the quality of this compared to them has really improved. The level of description and detail you went into when writing about the surroundings was really wonderful and built up a great atmosphere for me to enjoy.

Seeing Harryís thoughts about Albus was really lovely, because I always imagined him to be a caring father so I loved seeing it here. Harryís a naturally anxious person and I imagined Albus to be the same so it was great to see it being echoed here.

I never thought about what happened to Spinnerís End, so seeing Harry come back to it, and almost care about Snapeís old home was really touching. Itís strange that this is the first next gen story Iíve seen include it as I would have thought it would have been written about more, so itís great that you managed to find a niche in a populated area.

The idea of finding the letter was really sweet and I could really sense Lily in the letter as it just felt like her if you know what I mean. Then the development of that letter and what else Harry might find was really great and kept the mystery of the story going.

One small thing I would suggest is perhaps have another read through of the chapter because in several cases capitals were missing for names, the spacing between words was larger than usual and there were a few comma issues. Theyíre all easy things to fix so I shouldnít worry too much it will just bring the standard of the chapter up that little bit more. Other than that, it was a very enjoyable read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time out to review this :)
I'm glad you thought it was a good idea!

*SQUEAL* :D :D :D
It makes me SO happy to hear that you think I've improved so much. I really liked writing this, and the details made it just as enjoyable to imagine and write. I think that in a story like this, it was important to engage the visual senses too. So well, I tried!

I've always felt like Albus would end up just like Harry. At least in the beginning. It's nice to see that you share my thoughts! Harry is certainly an anxious person, and I feel that James' continuous taunting might've made Albus that way too :P

When I was thinking of what I could write for this challenge, this idea suddenly dawned upon me. I'm glad I chanced upon it and have found this niche in what you rightly call, a populated area.

I'm especially pleased that you liked the little letter. I've imagined Lily and Snape as having an incredibly close relationship before their fifth year, and I really wanted to be able to show the innocence of her feelings for him at that point of time.

Thanks for pointing out the errors. I'll be sure to fix that :)
Thanks again!


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Review #33, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Prologue

7th July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I really like that you use Albus' preparing for Hogwarts and worrying about getting sorted in to Slytherin as the catalyst for Harry to read Snape's diary.

I think the section where Harry visits Spinners End is great! The visual descriptions are very vivid, and I could picture him sorting through the detritus as I read.

Grammar and punctuation are very good overall, however, I did spot a couple of sentence fragments. "The amber coloured liquid, both intriguing him and repulsing him." This sentence looks like a fragment as written, but you could easily fix it by removing the comma and changing the present tense verbs "intriguing" and "repulsing" to past tense. Here's the other fragment: "As he drank, he reminisced. Of that dark night four years ago..." In this case, I would simply remove the period and combine these phrases into one complete sentence.

As for characterization, I like that Harry waits so long to read the diary because he feels like he's intruding. I think this is definitely in-character. "He would know more about this man who deserved so much more respect than he had got." Despite respecting him, I think Harry might still have trouble reconciling the Snape in the diary with the Snape who bullied him at school. You hint at this with the chill that Harry experiences when he first sees the photograph of Snape with his mother. I think Harry may continue to express his conflicting emotions in various ways as he reads.

So far you're off to an interesting start! I never would have guessed that this is your first non-Rose/Scorp fic. :)

Author's Response: Hey :)
This is such a lovely review. I cannot tell you how happy it's made me :)

First things first. CC.
Thank you for pointing those out. I'm just dying for a bit of free time now, so that I can fix these errors, however minor they may be.

Now, getting to the rest! I'm glad you loved the Spinner's End bit :) I wrote it just as I was imagining it in my head. I wanted to use imagery. Looks like I've achieved what I wanted to over there... About characterization, I'm just relieved that you think I've written Harry well. Since he's one of the characters we all know best, there's a chance that even a small error could ruin things. So, I was especially careful while writing about him. I'm glad you picked up on my little hints too!
All in all, I love your review :)
Thank you so much!

And yes, it really is the first time I'm writing a non-Rose/Scorp! :O :)


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Review #34, by Rdog Hogsmeade

2nd July 2013:
This story immediately caught my
attention.. I love it so far!! Please keep
writing!!

Author's Response: Hi :)
Thank you so much :)

I am going to keep updating this as fast I can. I really want to complete it before I lose inspiration! So keep a look out for new chapters :)
Thanks again.


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Review #35, by quixotic Prologue

1st July 2013:
Review Tag!

This is an interesting start to a story and you've set the scene pretty well. I loved your description in certain areas that gave the story an air of mystery. I'm curious to see what's in the diary!
Oh, I spotted one or two capitalization errors, but aside from the nitpicking, it was a great chapter. :)

Author's Response: Hello Quixotic!
Oh how I love your user name! :)

Thanks for this lovely review :)
You've said such lovely things :P
I feel great!


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Review #36, by Gabriella Hunter Prologue

30th June 2013:
Hello!

Its Gabbie with your requested review and I thought that this was an interesting start! I haven't read anything quite like this before so I'm really interested to see where you go with this.
I thought that the tone you set up in the beginning of thsi left me sort of curious on whether this was going to be a dark story or not. With Harry musing about how his life had turned out while reflecting on all the bad things just really touched me. I also love your take on Albus as well, I think that you wrote this really nicely. He seemed like an ordinary little boy here and I liked the added unease you brought on with him and his fear of being put in Slytherin. It was a nice transition I think for the rest of the chapter that led to Harry going to visit Snape's old home. I found that to be really unique and different too, I had never read anything like that before so I was really fascinated. With Harry feeling the need to know Snape and find his own answers, I think it was a nice way for him to find his own closure. He didn't know Snape and what he did for him was something that I don't think he'll ever truly be able to explain. And when he found the diary and photo, I just felt my heart tighten because I know how much it meant to him to find just the little bit of his mother there.
I can't wait to see what else you've done for this story! The only CC's I have is that your past and present tense was a bit off and that there were some minor spelling things but other than that it was a great read. :D
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello Gabby! :)
Let me start off by saying that I really really love your reviews :) And I'm so glad that you have thread for this.
Now, getting to the review. Thank you :)
I'm happy that you were able to sense exactly what I was going for. I don't think anybody can ever explain exactly how Harry would have felt about Snape. It's just very complex. But seeing as he practically hated the man when he was, I would be inclined to believe that that would motivate him more to find out about Snape and his life. I'm glad that this story seems unique... And I'm touched that this brought out some pretty strong feelings in you. I'm happy that you think that this is both interesting and realistic.
Thanks a LOT :)
I will look into the tense issue soon.
So long
(Till I ask for another review :P)
Randomwriter


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Review #37, by Illuminate Prologue

23rd June 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

I think this is an intriguing start to the story! Since it's called 'Dear Al,' and the beginning of this chapter talks about Al's insecurities about being in Slytherin, I have a feeling the things that Harry will read in the diary will spur him to say what he did about Snape in the Epilogue of the original books. I myself am pretty intrigued about what Harry will discover, both about Snape and about his mother.

I think your characterisation of Harry is very good here- I feel like he would be curious enough to do everything he does here, but also sensitive enough to understand the importance of what he reads.

All in all, very good prologue! Good job! :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your review :)
I'm glad you felt intrigued and I hope you will read on :)
I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible, but I also mainly want to write about what would see to be key turning points and important incidents in his life :)
I'm glad to hear that the characterization came off well :) I've always felt that Harry would be curious to know more about Snape. And this seemed like a pretty good way to explore his life and their relationship from that angle.
Thanks for the review :)


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Review #38, by marauderfan Prologue

21st June 2013:
Review tag!

I think this is a really good start. I like that Harry wants to find out more about Snape so many years after the war.

When he went to Spinner's End and found the photo, I thought at first that it was going to be the other half of the picture Harry had found at 12 Grimmauld Place when looking through Sirius's room. But the picture he actually found at Spinner's End is so sweet (although I admit it's difficult to imagine what Snape looks like with an actual smile rather than a sneer!) Their friendship sounds so innocent, with the diary and everything, it's cute.

There were a few grammatical errors here and there (for example there's one place where the H in Harry isn't capitalised), but plot wise it's good. It seems to be a great start to a more in depth story about Snape that fills in the details of The Prince's Tale in DH. Great work on this!

Author's Response: Hey :) FIRST REVIEWER! YES :D
*jumps up and down*
On a more serious note (or not :p), thank you for reviewing this!
I'm happy that you liked the idea! I always felt that Harry would never have been able to just let it go. It's a pretty big deal, getting to know that all he had known about Snape up until then, was wrong. I had this idea in my head for a few days, and then I came across this challenge on the forums and really thought it would fit the story-line, so I gave it a go!

I thought about that photo too. But I wanted something innocent, with both Lily and Snape in it. To give a clear picture to the reader about how pure and innocent their friendship was, then. Haha! :P I too had some difficulty imagining Snape with a smile, but I guess at that point, he would've been pretty happy, and would have smile a lot more :P

I'm known to be a Grammar Nazi, so this is pretty embarrassing. I'll correct it as soon as I can :p Thanks for pointing out! And for the review :)


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