Reading Reviews for Dear Al
  
32 Reviews Found

Review #26, by patronus_charm Prologue

15th July 2013:
Hello there Iím here with your review!

I know Iíve read a few other things of yours but I have to said the quality of this compared to them has really improved. The level of description and detail you went into when writing about the surroundings was really wonderful and built up a great atmosphere for me to enjoy.

Seeing Harryís thoughts about Albus was really lovely, because I always imagined him to be a caring father so I loved seeing it here. Harryís a naturally anxious person and I imagined Albus to be the same so it was great to see it being echoed here.

I never thought about what happened to Spinnerís End, so seeing Harry come back to it, and almost care about Snapeís old home was really touching. Itís strange that this is the first next gen story Iíve seen include it as I would have thought it would have been written about more, so itís great that you managed to find a niche in a populated area.

The idea of finding the letter was really sweet and I could really sense Lily in the letter as it just felt like her if you know what I mean. Then the development of that letter and what else Harry might find was really great and kept the mystery of the story going.

One small thing I would suggest is perhaps have another read through of the chapter because in several cases capitals were missing for names, the spacing between words was larger than usual and there were a few comma issues. Theyíre all easy things to fix so I shouldnít worry too much it will just bring the standard of the chapter up that little bit more. Other than that, it was a very enjoyable read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time out to review this :)
I'm glad you thought it was a good idea!

*SQUEAL* :D :D :D
It makes me SO happy to hear that you think I've improved so much. I really liked writing this, and the details made it just as enjoyable to imagine and write. I think that in a story like this, it was important to engage the visual senses too. So well, I tried!

I've always felt like Albus would end up just like Harry. At least in the beginning. It's nice to see that you share my thoughts! Harry is certainly an anxious person, and I feel that James' continuous taunting might've made Albus that way too :P

When I was thinking of what I could write for this challenge, this idea suddenly dawned upon me. I'm glad I chanced upon it and have found this niche in what you rightly call, a populated area.

I'm especially pleased that you liked the little letter. I've imagined Lily and Snape as having an incredibly close relationship before their fifth year, and I really wanted to be able to show the innocence of her feelings for him at that point of time.

Thanks for pointing out the errors. I'll be sure to fix that :)
Thanks again!


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Review #27, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Prologue

7th July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I really like that you use Albus' preparing for Hogwarts and worrying about getting sorted in to Slytherin as the catalyst for Harry to read Snape's diary.

I think the section where Harry visits Spinners End is great! The visual descriptions are very vivid, and I could picture him sorting through the detritus as I read.

Grammar and punctuation are very good overall, however, I did spot a couple of sentence fragments. "The amber coloured liquid, both intriguing him and repulsing him." This sentence looks like a fragment as written, but you could easily fix it by removing the comma and changing the present tense verbs "intriguing" and "repulsing" to past tense. Here's the other fragment: "As he drank, he reminisced. Of that dark night four years ago..." In this case, I would simply remove the period and combine these phrases into one complete sentence.

As for characterization, I like that Harry waits so long to read the diary because he feels like he's intruding. I think this is definitely in-character. "He would know more about this man who deserved so much more respect than he had got." Despite respecting him, I think Harry might still have trouble reconciling the Snape in the diary with the Snape who bullied him at school. You hint at this with the chill that Harry experiences when he first sees the photograph of Snape with his mother. I think Harry may continue to express his conflicting emotions in various ways as he reads.

So far you're off to an interesting start! I never would have guessed that this is your first non-Rose/Scorp fic. :)

Author's Response: Hey :)
This is such a lovely review. I cannot tell you how happy it's made me :)

First things first. CC.
Thank you for pointing those out. I'm just dying for a bit of free time now, so that I can fix these errors, however minor they may be.

Now, getting to the rest! I'm glad you loved the Spinner's End bit :) I wrote it just as I was imagining it in my head. I wanted to use imagery. Looks like I've achieved what I wanted to over there... About characterization, I'm just relieved that you think I've written Harry well. Since he's one of the characters we all know best, there's a chance that even a small error could ruin things. So, I was especially careful while writing about him. I'm glad you picked up on my little hints too!
All in all, I love your review :)
Thank you so much!

And yes, it really is the first time I'm writing a non-Rose/Scorp! :O :)


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Review #28, by Rdog Hogsmeade

2nd July 2013:
This story immediately caught my
attention.. I love it so far!! Please keep
writing!!

Author's Response: Hi :)
Thank you so much :)

I am going to keep updating this as fast I can. I really want to complete it before I lose inspiration! So keep a look out for new chapters :)
Thanks again.


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Review #29, by quixotic Prologue

1st July 2013:
Review Tag!

This is an interesting start to a story and you've set the scene pretty well. I loved your description in certain areas that gave the story an air of mystery. I'm curious to see what's in the diary!
Oh, I spotted one or two capitalization errors, but aside from the nitpicking, it was a great chapter. :)

Author's Response: Hello Quixotic!
Oh how I love your user name! :)

Thanks for this lovely review :)
You've said such lovely things :P
I feel great!


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Review #30, by Gabriella Hunter Prologue

30th June 2013:
Hello!

Its Gabbie with your requested review and I thought that this was an interesting start! I haven't read anything quite like this before so I'm really interested to see where you go with this.
I thought that the tone you set up in the beginning of thsi left me sort of curious on whether this was going to be a dark story or not. With Harry musing about how his life had turned out while reflecting on all the bad things just really touched me. I also love your take on Albus as well, I think that you wrote this really nicely. He seemed like an ordinary little boy here and I liked the added unease you brought on with him and his fear of being put in Slytherin. It was a nice transition I think for the rest of the chapter that led to Harry going to visit Snape's old home. I found that to be really unique and different too, I had never read anything like that before so I was really fascinated. With Harry feeling the need to know Snape and find his own answers, I think it was a nice way for him to find his own closure. He didn't know Snape and what he did for him was something that I don't think he'll ever truly be able to explain. And when he found the diary and photo, I just felt my heart tighten because I know how much it meant to him to find just the little bit of his mother there.
I can't wait to see what else you've done for this story! The only CC's I have is that your past and present tense was a bit off and that there were some minor spelling things but other than that it was a great read. :D
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello Gabby! :)
Let me start off by saying that I really really love your reviews :) And I'm so glad that you have thread for this.
Now, getting to the review. Thank you :)
I'm happy that you were able to sense exactly what I was going for. I don't think anybody can ever explain exactly how Harry would have felt about Snape. It's just very complex. But seeing as he practically hated the man when he was, I would be inclined to believe that that would motivate him more to find out about Snape and his life. I'm glad that this story seems unique... And I'm touched that this brought out some pretty strong feelings in you. I'm happy that you think that this is both interesting and realistic.
Thanks a LOT :)
I will look into the tense issue soon.
So long
(Till I ask for another review :P)
Randomwriter


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Review #31, by Illuminate Prologue

23rd June 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

I think this is an intriguing start to the story! Since it's called 'Dear Al,' and the beginning of this chapter talks about Al's insecurities about being in Slytherin, I have a feeling the things that Harry will read in the diary will spur him to say what he did about Snape in the Epilogue of the original books. I myself am pretty intrigued about what Harry will discover, both about Snape and about his mother.

I think your characterisation of Harry is very good here- I feel like he would be curious enough to do everything he does here, but also sensitive enough to understand the importance of what he reads.

All in all, very good prologue! Good job! :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your review :)
I'm glad you felt intrigued and I hope you will read on :)
I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible, but I also mainly want to write about what would see to be key turning points and important incidents in his life :)
I'm glad to hear that the characterization came off well :) I've always felt that Harry would be curious to know more about Snape. And this seemed like a pretty good way to explore his life and their relationship from that angle.
Thanks for the review :)


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Review #32, by marauderfan Prologue

21st June 2013:
Review tag!

I think this is a really good start. I like that Harry wants to find out more about Snape so many years after the war.

When he went to Spinner's End and found the photo, I thought at first that it was going to be the other half of the picture Harry had found at 12 Grimmauld Place when looking through Sirius's room. But the picture he actually found at Spinner's End is so sweet (although I admit it's difficult to imagine what Snape looks like with an actual smile rather than a sneer!) Their friendship sounds so innocent, with the diary and everything, it's cute.

There were a few grammatical errors here and there (for example there's one place where the H in Harry isn't capitalised), but plot wise it's good. It seems to be a great start to a more in depth story about Snape that fills in the details of The Prince's Tale in DH. Great work on this!

Author's Response: Hey :) FIRST REVIEWER! YES :D
*jumps up and down*
On a more serious note (or not :p), thank you for reviewing this!
I'm happy that you liked the idea! I always felt that Harry would never have been able to just let it go. It's a pretty big deal, getting to know that all he had known about Snape up until then, was wrong. I had this idea in my head for a few days, and then I came across this challenge on the forums and really thought it would fit the story-line, so I gave it a go!

I thought about that photo too. But I wanted something innocent, with both Lily and Snape in it. To give a clear picture to the reader about how pure and innocent their friendship was, then. Haha! :P I too had some difficulty imagining Snape with a smile, but I guess at that point, he would've been pretty happy, and would have smile a lot more :P

I'm known to be a Grammar Nazi, so this is pretty embarrassing. I'll correct it as soon as I can :p Thanks for pointing out! And for the review :)


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