Reading Reviews for Makes Me Wonder
34 Reviews Found

Review #26, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend The Only Chapter

17th June 2013:
That uncomfortable moment where you feel all eyes on you, the moment you go out to buy something like condoms. You described it well. Uncomfortable usually breeds clumsiness. It was a normal experience, funny because you didn't force anything into it.

I like how you made Rose such a popular girl. Seeing as her parents weren't really part of the in crowd themselves. They were known, surely, but not really popular. She is very brazen though, isn't she. Perhaps a bit much? However, I did like how she played on his obviously discomfort.
And Scorpius in Ravenclaw. It makes it more realistic that they would've become friends during their school years.

While the overall story is good, perhaps you could make the scene's flow better by adding more descriptions. Perhaps by describing the scenery a bit more. What did the shop look like, what aisle were they in. But also when you cut to a new scene; you could make the transition clearer by saying. After the shop he went home. Or; a few days after the incident in the shop he was looking out of the window of his London home(or whatever town). And then go on to describe a few more details about what he sees outside or what the inside of his home looks like. Before the redhead pops up in his line of vision.

I expected this story to be more filled with humour, but I like that you gave room to the fluff of it all. It worked well. It was a nice story.

One sentence that I didn't quite understand. "I stare and the strips lying on the ground." I'm guessing there is a typo there?
Where you say; 'I can't let you win anything'. I would perhaps make that 'I can't put anything past you, can I.' It's just a suggestion, but that was the sentence I half expected to be there :).

Author's Response: I was trying to make it as natural as I could. I'm glad that came across properly.

I always find that most people imagine Rose to be fairly bookish, inexperienced when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. I think that there is another side we can explore, so I tried it out here. I'm happy I managed to convince you :)

About the flow, I'll keep that in mind... I guess I was focusing more on the plot and conversations between the two, that I neglected some aspects of the story. However, this is very useful because I'd never have realized it if you hadn't pointed it out!

Maybe I could've made it more humurous, but this seemed more fitting, I guess. I was going for a fluffy, feel-good story with some subtle humour. I hope I got it right! I'm glad you think it worked well here :)

Maybe that is a typo, I should look into it and edit this once. And that line (I can't let you win anything') was to signify that there was a competitive edge there, with Rose suggesting that she got more action than he did. But maybe I'll edit that too, either to make it clearer or to change the sentence.

Thanks a bunch! :)
Your review has been very helpful.

 Report Review

Review #27, by WoodenFences The Only Chapter

16th June 2013:
that was amazing. I mean, you could've used any ship you wanted, and the fact that you used Rose/Scorp really made me happy.

Author's Response: Hey :) Thanks!!
I love Rose/Scorpius too, so they were my only choice really.

 Report Review

Review #28, by itsonlyjamespotter The Only Chapter

14th June 2013:
n'aw so fluffy and happy and lovely wo. yayay. perfecto

Author's Response: Haha :) Woah. That's very sweet :)

As the description reads, it's pure fluff. Just something that popped into my head one day... nothing elaborate... I'm glad you liked it :)

Thanks a lot! :)

 Report Review

Review #29, by VML99 The Only Chapter

5th June 2013:
I think you should consider a sequel too. I liked the flow of it.
Pure fluff.
It was overall a fun read. :D . Good job.

Author's Response: Hey :)
Thank youu ^_^

About the sequel, this request makes me feel highly honoured. Thanks :p
I will consider it when I'm free sometime :) If I believe that there's more to it than just a one-shot. Thank you :)

 Report Review

Review #30, by Just Me The Only Chapter

28th May 2013:
Haha, good one :)
I like.

Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it :)

 Report Review

Review #31, by ... The Only Chapter

25th May 2013:
Bwaahahaha :D

This is brilliant. It was a good quick read. Very well written. Very funny. Nice story, overall.

Maybe you should consider writing a sequel :p

Author's Response: Gee, thanks :)
About a sequel, well let me see... As of now, I'm happy with this... But if I ever feel like this story has more scope, and that it will find readers, I might write one.
Thanks a bunch! :) Glad you liked it.

 Report Review

Review #32, by kelly The Only Chapter

24th May 2013:
this was a pretty amazing story :) good job

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing :)

 Report Review

Review #33, by MissesWeasley123 The Only Chapter

23rd May 2013:
Niceee! This is actually, really, really, good!

Author's Response: Heyy :)
Thank you SO much.

 Report Review

Review #34, by EarthsTrueGreen The Only Chapter

23rd May 2013:
For as different as the summary was this story was actually very cute. I enjoyed it a couple of parts I got slightly confused on because I was always sure who was speaking but other than that it was a good quick read.

Author's Response: Haha, so maybe I'll tweak the summary a bit and edit the story slightly to make things clearer. :)
Thank you for the feedback.
REALLY appreciate it :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>