I have a few things to say: First of all, I really enjoy the conversations in her head. You have a lot of grammatical errors, though, especially involving commas. For one thing, when you are adding the conjunction 'and' and both parts of the sentence are complete thoughts, you add a comma before the 'and'. Um. There was something else. Ah. Yes. When your character is speaking directly to someone (such as the case of Shut up, Meaghan!), you add a comma before the person's name. Also, when you indicate that someone has spoke such as "Blah blah blah," the headmaster said. You've been capitalizing the first letter of 'the'. So, yeah. I also don't really understand the reasoning behind Dumbledore being in Dippet's office. How did she know the Professor's name was Hethley? I didn't see it stated. [I could be blind, though ;)] Okay. You've been doing the first two critiques occasionally, but still, watch for them. Whatever. Just trying to help :) I have to disagree a bit with the comment about Slytherin being an 'evil' house. There have been good wizards to come out of there. How about Sirius's great-uncle, or whatever he is? He was Headmaster, after all.
but a ragged and patched hat sat and a ring sat.
^Kind of an awkward sentence there.
Basically, I think you've got the potential for a great story. I do think that you should get a beta reader to look it over, if you're not in the mood to make your own corrections. This story is too interesting and unique to not have good grammar. TTFN. Hope you update soon :)
P.S. I'm not trying to be a pest, really. Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much! I really need help with that kind of stuff, and you're the only person who has actually told me about it. I'll go back and fix everything by Wed. - I promise!
Thanks! Dana Report Review
this looks like a good story keep it upAuthor's Response: Thanks very much! Report Review
THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOD!!!! This story is nothing like I have ever read before. Very interesting plot and concept. I love it!!! It isn't the same old kind of story! YAY!!! heehee. I like that this is very original.....plus the fact that it is very well written! Everything about it is good. Please update soon! oh...one question.....is the language their speaking french? I am not very good at foreign languages and was just wondering. PLEASE UPDATE SOON! I cant wait until the next chapter! till then!
~Megan~Author's Response: Thanks so much! Lol very hyper. I'd suggest you don't stray near starbucks.
Thanks for all your compliments! And no, the language is just kind of my own that I made up. It's just kind of random words that sounds a bit italian. Not really based. Lol. Updating right now!
Dana Report Review
So interesting... I definately want to know what happens next. : )Author's Response: I will be adding a chapter soon!!! Please keep waiting! Report Review
uh hello wtf is a Dovie?Author's Response: *sighs* well, Gina, instead of flaming, maybe you could take the time and read my story!!! There's an idea!! It explains it all clearly in the first chapter.
Great to know you're so observant. Report Review
Hmm. This is fascinating. Entirely new concept, from what I can tell. I think it was your banner that really did it for me. I'm interested to see what happens next.Author's Response: Yes! Thanks god for laura. I know, banners really catch people's eyes.
Not a new concept - but pretty new way. Glad you liked it - will be posting another chappie as soon as my last dance chapter gets validated. Report Review
good story update soonAuthor's Response: Will do! Report Review
Can't wait to see what'll happen next!
Author's Response: Thanks so much - will update as soon as my chapter of The Last Dance gets validated. Report Review
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