Reading Reviews for Complicated
  
51 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Maelody Complication #1

11th January 2014:
Ok, so this chapter had me giggling the whole way through. I love how confident she is. Honestly, most girls like this I would hate, but that's because they're petty, mean, and stuck up, not confident. I can't even hate her because she's just so... Clean. She has a self image to withhold, and maybe she's made her standards a little high in order for someone to look up to her, but it's like she is trying to be someone good that someone can actually look up to. And I absolutely loved how she is the one to take care of Albus and not the other way around. Though, I do fear he overheard something he wasn't meant to hear.

I don't know if I like her boyfriend, though. The comment on "How's my favorite girlfriend?" Makes me not trust him. I mean, my dad jokes like that all the time when I'm his only daughter, but something makes me think he's being honest and she thinks he's kidding so therefore he wins.

The end really sort of made me think though. She has such a strong image and look to her in the beginning. She even goes in about how she knows she's pretty, but then she sort of picks at things when she was alone over her self image. I wonder if there's some cry of help there? I mean, one meant she has chestnut colored hair that are in beautiful curls past her shoulders, then the next her hair is plain and brown, with eyes to match, and she doesn't like that she's not curvy. Then again, maybe it's just because it's the night before she'll be viewed naked in front of the man she loves that has her so self conscious. I could be over reading haha.

I like how she thinks about what her parents are doing with her. It's a completely believable and relatable feeling with separated parents. I think you did a great Jo depicting this.

I think my only critique is what my favorite part of the story is. Though, I don't have much knowledge in this and I may be completely wrong. I don't know where you come from either, so do forgive me if this sounds completely stupid, but I feel like she spoke more like an American teenage girl. I mean, she has the mannerisms of a British girl, but the way her and her friends talk and act are super California American. It's not a bad thing, it just makes location for me a bit harder to understand. I'm from the states, so I don't really know a lot of the British mannerisms other than what I see in movies or the television, so I could be completely wrong on this.

Anyway, I loved this first chapter. I saw your banner status on the forums, decided I needed something to read, and went ahead and checked this out. I'm glad I did because I can't wait to continue on with it. :)

~Mae

(P.S. Sorry if anything is misspelled or a word has been changed. I'm on my iPhone and I'm afraid it just keeps autocorrecting even when I correct it haha.)

Author's Response: Hi Mae!

I'm glad the chapter had you laughing - the girls are definitely kind of funny in the way that they behave. Typically, I don't like those kind of girls either - I'm glad it worked here though!

Ah, the boyfriend. Yes, that comment. I refuse to say anything else, but he's definitely an interesting character.

That ending was really designed to parallel the beginning, and I'm glad you noticed that. It's kind of referring to the fact that being around her friends is what makes her confident and makes her feel beautiful, and when she's by herself, that kind of fades a little bit, and she starts to pick at her imperfections. Don't worry, you weren't over-reading at all! You were reading exactly what I wanted you to! :)

Her parents are definitely an issue, and I'm glad you think it's believable.

I don't know British mannerisms either, but I really wanted them to appear very clique-y and a bit narcissistic, which I think inadvertently makes them seem a bit Californian American as well, at least in regards to dialogue. I will, however, go through and try to make their mannerisms a bit more British if I can. Thanks for the tip!

I'm glad you liked it so far, and thanks so much for checking this story out and leaving such a sweet review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #27, by Sharryhanker Complication #2

9th January 2014:
Hello there, really enjoyed the story so far, just one small point cropped up for me. In Britain, we can't drive until we're 17, so no-one would get a car for their 16th birthday.

Apart from that, I've been really enjoying the character development. It's nice to have an anti-hero as the protagonist, and I'd assume an anti-hero as the antagonist too! Ah, such is school I suppose.

Author's Response: Haha, thank you for that - in America, it's 16, so it never occurred to me that it'd be different there! I will definitely fix that ASAP!

I'm glad you like the character development - and yeah, I like the anti-hero concept as well! Having anti-heroes on both sides is definitely the way it seems to be at school anyway - there's no one person who's perfectly right or wrong.

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #28, by helpwillalwaysbegiven Complication #4

9th January 2014:
LOVED IT! Your story is so good and girly aha. James seems like he has a soft side aw. I cannot wait for chapter five :)

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it! And yeah, James has another side to him that hasn't been entirely revealed yet. ;) And yes, chapter five is one of my favourites!

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #29, by helpwillalwaysbegiven Complication #3

3rd December 2013:
I love this! I favoured your story a while back, and just recently re-read it again. I'm so attached and cannot wait for another chapter! Please update, don't leave me hanging! Well done writing and keep it up please :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it so far! I'll have the next chapter in the queue by Sunday (I've promised myself to start updating regularly as a part of my New Year's Resolutions). Thanks so much for reviewing! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #30, by Courtney Dark Complication #2

25th November 2013:
Tag!

So I read the first chapter if this chapter like, yonks ago, and really enjoyed it, so I'm super happy that I managed to catch you on review tag!

I absolutely love that Abigail isn't your stereotypical, traditional OC. Of course, many authors describe their main characters as attractive, but they also describe them as funny, kind, down-to-earth and good at school. And who wants a Mary Sue OC who has no character flaws? I love that Abigail is so conceited, and then you don't really like her right off the bat, but somehow that makes her likeable! And I love that we actually got to see a bit more emotion out of her this chapter, when Blaise didn't show up.

I love how you've been slowly developing Abigail's character, throughout the last couple of chapters. Instead of telling us that she likes to wear these sort of clothes and she does this and that, you've been showing us - like how she chooses her outfit of the day and how her father leaves her the bracelet. Although I am curious to know more about Abigail's friends, because all I really know about them at the moment is that they're Abigail's friends.

I did like the little bit about Scarlett's dad blowing up the bridge at Hogwarts and pyrotechnics - that made me laugh!

Awesome chapter!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi Courtney! Wow, this reply took an embarrassingly long time.

I'm glad you like Abigail - I've had a few complaints on her character, in that she's too conceited and snobby. Except honestly, that's how she's supposed to be! I'm glad you still like her nonetheless, and yes, she does show a bit more emotion here, which hopefully makes her seem just a bit more human. :)

I've been trying to show instead of tell when I write, so I'm really happy someone noticed that! And yes, Abigail's friends are kind of just three girls to start off with, because I really wanted to develop Abigail first. The girls do have character development as the story goes on, so hopefully you'll learn more about them in the future!

Thanks so much for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #31, by AlexFan Complication #1

22nd August 2013:
Hey there! I'm here with your review (finally)!.

Alright, so you said that your character isn't supposed to be likable so I'm going to mention how well you achieved that. Abigail practically screams arrogant, stuck up, self-centered and haughty. Not exactly a combination that screams "I want to be your friend." She knows that she has a lot of power and she knows how to use it to get what she wants, by the looks of it at least.

And most of all, she's shallow. In fact, and I dislike saying this, all of your characters come off as shallow and cliche. I've read so many fanfictions with characters that have the same personality as Abigail and who have the same sort of relationship with James or any of the other Potter/Weasley's. This is just the beginning of the story however so I'm hoping that as this goes on all of your characters will gain more depth to them and we learn more about them and their imperfections and their family life.

I sit on my chaise lounge, flipping through the latest issue of Witch Weekly. The magazine is shallow and little bit stupid, but I do feel the need to keep an eye on any gossip. I can’t let people think I’m uninformed, now can I?

That part made me burst into laughter because it's the pot calling the kettle black. Not that Abigail is stupid (she wouldn't be in Ravenclaw if she was) but the part where she called the magazine shallow was the entertaining part.

The flow wasn't bad, I felt like there were some parts that were a tad choppy but nothing big and it didn't interrupt the flow of your chapter that much. There were also a couple of grammatical errors but they don't exactly stand out unless you're looking for them.

For a first chapter this definitely wasn't boring but I did find it to be a bit slow. Then again, I prefer slightly more action-packed first chapters so this may just be me who thinks this.

Not a bad start to a story and I hope I wasn't too negative.

Author's Response: Hi there!

Abigail is definitely a mean character right now, and that's sort of my point. So often the mean girl characters are the enemy, so I really wanted to write one as the primary focus of the novel. As for the shallowness of all of the characters, this chapter is just an introductory. All of the character's have backstories and hidden personalities that come to a head later on in the story, but just as it takes time to get to know a person in real life, I'm taking a while to expose the inner details of the characters.

Yes, I love that line - it shows that Abigail doesn't really understand herself at all, which is fun to play with in later chapters. :)

Since it's just my first chapter, it wasn't really meant to be action-packed. I do like those chapters that jump straight into the action, but I also think those take a lot a skill to do so that the reader isn't left confused, so I kind of shied away from that here.

Thanks for your review, and I will definitely take your advice to heart! Please don't think I'm being overly defensive in this response, I'm just stating some of my opinions! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #32, by MissMoneypenny Complication #3

4th August 2013:
Hello!

So I just stumbled upon this story today, and so far I'm really enjoying it. I hope if Abigail's friends ever find out she lied about her and Blaise, they understand, because they do seem like actual good friends.

But I'm glad Abigail's cheered up (or seems to, anyway) by the end of the chapter. Blaise is obviously quite a good influence and I can't wait to see more of him.

Yeah, really good story, well written, please update soon!

MissMoneypenny :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you're enjoying the story! As for Abigail's little lie and her friends' reactions, all will be revealed eventually. I've got things in plan. :)

I'm working on the next chapter, so hopefully it'll be up in the next week or so!

Thanks so much for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #33, by Bexxx Complication #3

26th July 2013:
Great Story! Can't wait for the next chapter:)

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks so much!
-ShadowRose


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Review #34, by Gab :) Complication #1

25th July 2013:
That was impressive. your well informed and very literate. I love the characters already. I can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you like the story so far! Thanks for reading!
-ShadowRose


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Review #35, by Ashley Lovegood Complication #2

22nd July 2013:
Hey! I really like the story so far! Abigail seems a little superficial, but I guess she's supposed to get better with the story, huh? Anywho, you're a great writer, and I can't wait to see what you do with the rest of the story!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you like the story so far! And yes, Abigail will get better over time. :) Thanks so much for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #36, by Siriusly89 Complication #2

10th July 2013:
Chapter Two! Excitement!

‘As usual, I look flawless’- gosh Abigail, you’re just so darn modest.

Ah yes, Seamus Finnigan, mastermind of ‘blowing things up’. It seems fitting he attempted to draw Scarlett’s boyfriend-person into the family business, doesn’t it?

Awh. I sort of feel sorry for Abigail now. She’s so self-centred, because she wants to be showered with the attention her parents don’t give her. I don’t want to feel sorry for her! Stop making me feel sorry for her! And yes, the whole platform situation does sound rather unpleasant, doesn’t it?

I’m glad Abigail gets on with her fathers girlfriend, as usually in fan fiction, the girlfriend of the father is portrayed as the evil witch (excuse the pun :P). And again with buying Abigail’s affection. Its sort of sad in a way, isn’t it?

Oooh, harsh! Blaise stood Abigail up via note. She isn’t going to take this well is she? And she broke a window. Who was right? Me! And she hates crying? Sometimes a good cry makes everything better! I’m a firm believer in cry-therapy!

And talk about putting a dampener on events for the end? Even though I don’t particularly like her, I wanted to wrap my arms round Abigail and give her a biiig hug!

Another great chapterino!

Sarahjane

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yes, Abigail is just the epitome of modesty. :P

I did try to give Abigail at least a little bit of a backstory about why she might act the way that she does - it's no excuse, but it does help explain things. As for the platform scene, yes, that is uncomfortable - oh hey, look what time of year it is in the story! *hint hint* :D

Yeah, that scene made me actually pity Abigail instead of hold her away at arm's length like I normally do. :P

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #37, by Siriusly89 Complication #1

10th July 2013:
Hi! Siriusly89 here with Review #1 of your prize!

No more babbling, lets get to it! (Btw, I love the CI!)

I love Abigail already. She’s one of those ‘I’m beautiful and I so know it!’ people, who really aren’t that nice, but sure are fun to read about, if just because they are so conceited and shallow. Please tell me she gets a rude awakening at some point? She just has to.

‘The Leaky Cauldron is just ew, but it’s a good place to be noticed’-grr. .she’s beginning to annoy me now, the little busy-body! Acting like lady of the manor. The way they all gossip, like little old ladies! But I agree, Fred Weasley sounds a little (meaning a lot) like a MW.

GIRL POWER! These girls are winning me back around. They weren’t all simper-y and flirty with James and Fred (well, Scarlet is excused) who were acting like arrogant idiots, instead they played them at their own game (and won I might add!)

Brooke’s comment was just genius. She’s my favourite as of now!

Blaise seems nice enough, but knowing Abigail, he’s shallow. I like that Abigail isn’t immune to the teasing, that the girls still mess around with her, despite her being the Queen B! And Witch Weekly is shallow, really Abigail? Really?

Aaah! Can’t wait to read the next chapterino now!

Author's Response: Hi Sarahjane! By the way, I love that chapter image too. TDA artists are really amazing, aren't they?

Abigail is definitely one of "those" characters - very full of herself and conceited. She's as much fun to write as she is to read, and getting inside her head is so entertaining! And yes, there may be a rude awakening in her future. :)

Yup, they are little busybodies - but they do have their redeeming qualities, hence the argument with James and Fred. And yes, I love Brooke's comment as well.

As for Blaise, I have plans for him... *cackles evilly* *looks embarrassed at failed attempt to cackle*

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #38, by Penelope Inkwell Complication #1

4th July 2013:
Hi! Penelope here with your RR:

Thought I’d do this review by pointing to specific quotes

“The bathtub is big enough to swim laps in...” This is a really great example of something I think you’re doing quite well in--instead of telling us what something is like, i.e. 'There’s a huge bathtub’, you show us. You really add all the tiny details into scenes--what everyone’s wearing, specifically. Not only does it help the audience to picture it, which is always a good thing, but clothes seem like the kind of thing your protag would notice, so it makes a lot of sense that it would be included.

"Tomorrow’s the last day of summer, and it will go out with a BANG. Literally.” About Abigail--normally, I’ve got to say, I would really hate her: snobby rich girl who revels in living up to stereotypes. However, quotes like this are the reason I don’t despise Abigail, or at least feel like I could come to like her, eventually. The girl has a sense of humor. That’s an essential. And even though I’m not enamored with her snobbery, I don’t mind it in a first chapter. A character has to have room to grow, and they can’t do that if they’re already perfect. I’d always prefer a flawed protagonist to one that’s too shiny and perfect. You’ve taken the story of someone I’d ordinarily not be able to stand, and made me want to find out what happens to her, despite her imperfections. That’s a skill. The real reason behind that is your excellent writing. Your structure, flow, and description are all really good!

The other thing that interests me is that you didn’t make her a stuck-up Slytherin. Your group is comprised of Ravenclaws, so I know that, underneath the superficial exterior, all these girls are intelligent, and I want to see how that manifests itself later on.

I only noticed one grammatical error:
“Now my surprise date with Hudson Thomas doesn’t seem all that cool now!”
--Now is repeated, one at the beginning of the sentence, and one at the end. Either would work on its own.

But that’s the only thing I noticed.

My only general constructive criticism would be that you introduce the girls all at once, and it can be kind of hard to differentiate them. That isn’t necessarily a problem, though--it could be an advantage, if you split them up a bit later and give us the chance to know each girl as a separate entity. In fact, if you’re planning on taking them from a seemingly typical ‘popular crowd’ and show that they actually have depth, then the way you’ve done it works marvelously, because blending them together in the beginning would only accentuate that all is not as it initially appeared, if they grow later in the story.

"Bar fights, no matter how dignified, are never a good idea.” Once I realized what this referred to, I laughed aloud. Another great example of Abigail’s sense of humor.

On the whole, a very nice first chapter! Good work.

Author's Response: Hi Penelope!

I'm glad that you like my details - I was a little afraid that people would be annoyed by my references to what people were wearing and all that, but it's something that's part of Abigail's character and I didn't want to avoid talking about it either. I'm glad to know you thought it worked though!

It's perfectly acceptable that you don't like Abigail right now - she's not exactly the most likable character. But she does have that odd sense of humour and other parts of her personality that aren't that bad - and she's definitely scheduled for some character development in the future.

They're definitely Ravenclaws, although for what reasons, you'll find out soon enough! I figure Slytherin has had its fair share of mean girls and Death Eaters that maybe another House can have the "bad guys" for once. :)

Oops, that would be a result of me typing too fast for my own good!

As for the girls, I did kind of mean to introduce them together. They will gradually get pulled apart and characterised separately, but for now, I like them as the clump of popular girls. :)

I'm glad you liked that title, haha. Thanks so much for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #39, by Jchrissy Complication #1

26th June 2013:
Hi my dear! Happy review exchange! I'm looking forward to reading both chapters of this!

Ohh Abigail is a bit of a Mean Girl isn't she? I couldn't help but think of the movie during this first chapter, and since that's one of my favorite movies I don't think that's a bad thing!

I really liked that, though she and her friends are a bit self centered, Abigail seemed to genuinely care about them. A lot of stories I've read, both ff and OF, have these more shallow MC but they also give them a false surrounding of friendship. And these girls, teenagers in every sense of the word, obviously do care about one another. I really love that!

Ohhh there's going to be drama with this boy. Obviously we get to a point where one of then will be leaving the other to get Abigail and James together, and I'm excited to see just what breaks them up. I do love that you've had them dating for so long before taking the step in their relationship that Abigail seems to be ready to take, though I'm curious to see how that actually goes :P!

This is something odd, but I love her thoughts about her other friends. She doesn't put them down in her own head or try and make herself think she's better than them, and I just really enjoyed that.

This is a really great first chapter! I'm excited to continue on to the second :)!

Author's Response: Hi Jami!

I love that movie! The girls kind of make me think of that, actually - I had them on my mind as I was writing this.

Abigail loves her friends, and the feeling's mutual. Just because they're popular doesn't necessarily have to mean that they don't like one another, even though that seems to be a common assumption about teenage girls!

Oh, the drama. There will be plenty. :)

Thanks so much for reviewing, Jami!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #40, by Jchrissy Complication #2

26th June 2013:
Oh!! Scarlett wrote about her date being cancelled and now Blaise is writing about having to stay and deal with family stuff? This can't be good!

Am I thinking too much into it? yes, yes I probably am. Okay, I'm going to shut myself up. BUT if I by some chance was right, this is going to cause some serious drama in the friendship circle! Who would everyone side with? Although they probably aren't even related, Scarlett and Blaise's absence, so I'll just move on :P.

I loved seeing more of Abigail and her family life in this. You made some claims about her parents in the last chapter, so watching those prove true with her mom's attitude was sad but still interesting in terms of her character development. No wonder the girl is a bit of a. witch ;).

I felt so bad for her at the end of this though. We knew something was going to go wrong, because how could it not. But that still didn't stop me from feeling any less sad for her.

I'm not sure what to make of Diana, but she seems like the typical woman a wealthy divorced man would date. But she didn't appear mean or anything, so that's good.

I felt both bad and annoyed at Abigail's mother for making a fuss about her going to her father. I mean, I can see why you would feel that way. I can't imagine divorce being easy or worrying if your child favors the other parents, but those are the sort of things a parent is supposed to hide and deal with themselves and not let it influence their children's opinion/what they say about their ex spouse. Ugh, messy situation.

This was another entertaining chapter! I'm excited to learn more about Abigail!

Author's Response: Hi Jami!

It's definitely a nice little coincidence that both Scarlett and Blaise were MIA - and there may or may not be a connection there, haha.

I tried in this chapter to kind of explain why she behaves the way that she does - it's still no real justification for her behaviour, but it does explain why she thinks acting like that is acceptable. :)

As for Diana, I feel like the evil-stepmother thing is so overused in fanfiction, and not all stepmothers are actually bad! Hence, Diana's an actually decent woman.

The parents definitely create a messy situation - and it only gets worse as the story continues.

Thanks so much for reviewing!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #41, by UnluckyStar57 Complication #2

10th June 2013:
Wow, poor Abigail!! I really feel sorry for her, no matter how rich she is.

Before I go into bashing her parents' buying-for-love games, I must say, the outfit that she put on at the beginning sounded really pretty. I wish I could have it! Of course, it probably looks better on her. :)

Now, on to bashing the parents. I think it's really sick that they think they have to play that sort of cat-and-mouse game with her, buying her things in return for her love. They can't just be satisfied with her companionship and her genuine love, no. They have to manufacture it themselves, practically begging her in the most expensive way possible in order to win in the game of love. It IS understandable, though, that they, as two very rich people, would do something like that. Props to you for writing it realistically!!

I liked how you mentioned Seamus Finnegan and put the explosives element of him into Scarlett. Honestly, I don't think I drew the connection until then, but I'm glad it's there. :)

The one complaint I have is that when you were talking about blowing up the Hogwarts bridge, you wrote: "blew up the bridge the Hogwarts." I'm not quite clear on what that was supposed to say, but that was the only thing that I found somewhat lacking.

When it rains, it pours, as they say. So Abigail is just sitting there, waiting for Blaise to show up, and he has the gall to not only NOT show up, but to send a (late!) owl saying that he had "family stuff."

Yeah, "family stuff." It sounds to me like dearest Blaise is like Hannah Montana--leading a double life, isn't he!! I'm pretty sure that he's cheating, and I'm really wondering who he's cheating on Abigail with.

Excellent chapter!! Second chapters are difficult, but now that you're through it, think how fun all the rest of them will be! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! So sorry for the late reply!

Haha, I love her outfits - I only wish I could have them in my closet as well!

There are a lot of different takes on how divorce affects the children in FF, but the whole money-for-love thing is something I've never come across except in OF, so I decided to include that in this story, because it seems realistic with two very wealthy parents.

That little connection was very fun to make, actually. :)

Oops! Ack, I will go fix that!

Blaise definitely is hiding something - what he's hiding though, you'll have to wait to find out!

I'm very excited for chapter 3 - it's almost done, and it was so much easier to write than this one!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)



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Review #42, by BellaFan202 Complication #2

30th May 2013:
Hi! So glad you requested this. :)

I'm a huge Supernatural fan, and Abigail is making me crazy with her last name! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I might point out. I just love it a lot. :P

Anyway, I really liked the description of her morning routine. It said a lot without really putting in so many details that I got bored reading it. It helped me understand what her everyday life is, and I liked that.

I think it says a lot about Abigail that she can just say whatever she wants, whenever she wants to say it, such as "As usual, I look flawless." However, I'm not entirely sure that Abigail is the "real" Abigail, because it says more about her when she thinks things like "sometimes I think I would give up Egyptian silk for real interest in me" or something like that. Even though she tried to make it more "I couldn't care less" by saying "the silk is really nice though."

I think you did a really good job with this second chapter. I'm really impressed. I also hate second chapters, and mine always suck. :P

I wish this had a little more James, but I know that that wouldn't have worked well. So I can get over it. But that doesn't keep me from wishing for some James action next chapter! :)

Don't forget to request the next chapter whenever it's published please! :D

~BellaFan202~
P.S. Sorry there's no constructive criticism. I couldn't think of any! D:

Author's Response: Hi! I actually wasn't thinking about Supernatural when I came up with her last name, but now I can't help but think about it! :P

The balance between the shell Abigail tries to hide in and her real self is fun to write, and I'm glad that you liked reading it as well. :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates second chapters - they're horrible, in my opinion!

James will definitely be making an appearance soon, and increasingly so over time. :P

Thanks for reviewing, and I'll definitely re-request when the next chapter comes out!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #43, by PitchBlue Complication #1

30th May 2013:
Hello,

This was an interesting introduction. I like it that you have a 'popular' girl as a main OC, and even though her wealth and everything make her appear a bit unlikable, I'm curious where you're going with her.

You gave a good introduction of the other characters too, I could imagine them before me.

The part about her parent's divorce was well written and gave her character more depth - it gave away some backstory without explaining too much.

So, all in all I quite liked this chapter!

- PB

Author's Response: Hi!

I feel like popular girls are so often portrayed as the "bad guy" in FF stories, so that kind of ended up as the starter for this story.

I'm glad you liked the chapter; thanks for reviewing!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #44, by UnluckyStar57 Complication #1

28th May 2013:
Wow! This was definitely an interesting chapter to start off with! I like your style. ;)

You said in your review request that your OC, Abigail, was not very likable at this point in time. Well, in some ways, I agree with you and in some ways, I don't.

You've written her as a spoiled, bratty, rich girl who seems really shallow, but I can definitely tell that she's having some issues with her self-image and her parents' separation. That gives her a better justification for being snarky than a character that is snarky just because they want to be. Abigail is trying to cover up her heartache with a facade that works--until she's alone.

I've got to admit that the whole "favorite girlfriend" thing with Blaise definitely sounds like foreshadowing to me! Would he cheat on her/has he been cheating on her? He seems like the bad boy, player type, so I think it's a possibility. And that will only add more to Abigail's woes.

Her friends are... Perfect, in the sense that they are all completely put-together. They all seem very beautiful and shallow, but are they really? After all, there IS Scarlett's crush on Freddy, and the matter of why she hasn't been dating him if she likes him so much. Here's to giving these girls a million dimensions--you've already gotten a pretty admirable start! :)

And the man of the moment--James Potter. Compared to Abigail, he seems very flat, but that's probably just because he hasn't been in the story much, and he isn't narrating, so we can't see how his mind really works. Still, I'd like to see a bit more of why he feels the need to antagonize Abigail, and why she hates him so very much. Perhaps he has issues too? I'd love to see them if he does!!

But I suppose that it's all part of the process of exposing all of their flaws and fears to the world--it takes time. So here's to many more chapters and much characterization from you! :)

P.S. I'm a member of the Grammar Police, but I certainly found zero things wring with your story. Kudos!!

P.P.S. Sorry if you didn't want me to say anything about grammar... It just makes me really happy when stories have good grammar. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! Don't worry, I'm a bit of a grammar stickler myself, so it makes me quite happy that you didn't find any mistakes! :D

I'm glad you sort of like Abigail - I just said that so you'd be prepared, because she's definitely not the typical character you encounter in FF stories. She definitely has some issues, which will only be built upon as the story progresses.

Oh gosh, you picked up on that. :D

Her friends are kind of one-dimensional now, but that's the way Abigail is in public as well. I have plenty in store for them too! I sound so devious saying this... :P

James is still a flat character as well, but once again, I've got plenty up my sleeve, and it's seriously taking all my self-control to not start saying all of it in this review, because I'm definitely excited to reveal it later on. :)

Thanks for reviewing, I'll definitely be back to re-request! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

P.S.: Man, I really need to cool it with the smiley-faces...


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Review #45, by Failed_and_Forgotten Complication #2

28th May 2013:
The story plot is GREAT! Can't wait to read the next updates! =))

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you like it! I will have the next chapter ready ASAP! :)
-ShadowRose


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Review #46, by BellaFan202 Complication #1

27th May 2013:
Hello!

Not gonna lie, because I am a hugely immature human, that that last line made me almost cry with laughter. That was a good one. :P

Anyway, onto the chapter. I really liked this. I know you said that Abigail isn't supposed to be likable at the moment, and I quite like that. At first I was like "Oh God, she's THAT girl, isn't she?" but towards the end of the chapter, I kind of started feeling bad for her. I feel like it's not her fault that she's kind of a snob. (cleaning up my language a bit, here. :P ) However, I don't feel so bad for her that I like her. Hopefully that'll change by the end of the story. :)

I really liked this. It was a really good start and I have a feeling that I'm going to continue to like it more and more as I read on, which is why I realy hope you'll request the next chapter! :)

Haven't really got a whole lot else to say, so I'm just going to end here.

Don't forget to request!

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing this!

Because I am a hugely immature human, I had to include that line. :P

Yes, Abigail is definitely THAT girl, to an extent (and don't worry, I definitely know the word you're thinking of). Her character development is going to end up being really important in this story, and I really ought to shut up now before I start telling you everything about the story...

I'm glad you liked it, and I'll be sure to re-request! Thanks again for reviewing this! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #47, by leyla Complication #2

27th May 2013:
nice start and i completely understand about the second chapter thing, they're so hard to write. the flow of the story is good (a lot of people rush through and it can ruin a story) but i really dislike the main character... i'm so sorry! haha, i think it's just the arrogance that seems to radiate off her - although i'm not sure if you've intended to do that so we can see some strong character development later on. if so, then fair enough and i think you could do a good job with that. if this is how she acts throughout, i don't think i will enjoy this story as much as i could. i'm really sorry, this is just my opinion but i feel that abigail is not down to earth enough to relate to and that's something i look for in a story. so yeah, i'll give the next chapter a try definitely and i hope this review helps. i'm not too great with constructive criticism (as you can probably tell) so i'm gonna go now. good luck with the rest of the story

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you like the flow, as getting a story started can be a little tricky!

Ah, Abigail. I understand why you don't like her - she's not exactly a likable character! She's supposed to be kind of arrogant and stuck-up, but yes, there will be quite a bit of character development coming up in the later chapters - that actually turns into one of the primary themes of the novel. :)

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #48, by RavenclawGirl11 Complication #1

12th May 2013:
Hello! You asked me to give you a review and I am! I think your characterization is incredible: Abigail puts on a show for everyone else, but inside she is insecure.

I am interested to where you are going to take this story, and are very intrigued, so I will be waiting for the next chapter. I think you are a good author and will be investigating more of your work

~ Macy x

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing so quickly!

I'm glad you like Abigail's character, and I'll definitely be playing on those different sides of her as the story progresses. :)

I love that you liked this! Thanks again for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #49, by Courtney Dark Complication #1

12th May 2013:
Tag!

I love the idea of this story, and I think this first chapter was a great way to start it off.

Abigail is an awesome character. Yes, she seems like she's a bit of a snarky mean girl but I love how fresh and different that is! It's nice to see an OC who isn't completely perfect, for a change! And I think James kinda knew what he was talking about when he said: "It’s better than being a bunch of girls whose wands are stuck so far up their arses you can’t even see them anymore." I loved the banter between Abigail and James, by the way! Classically brilliant!

I liked the fact that Abigail seemed so confident when with her friends but, when she was alone, some of that confidence seemed to slip away and she found herself questioning herself a little bit more. I'm definitely intrigued to find out how her character will develop, and how her friends personalities will develop, too. At the moment they all seem a little bit the same, but I'm sure once you've had time to properly introduce us to them all, they'll turn out to be really exciting characters to read about.

I loved the idea of Abigail being the rope in her parent's tug of war - i think that will definitely add an interesting dimension to the story. And her bedroom at her father's house sounds amazing, what with that gorgeous view - I have to admit, I'm feeling a tad jealous right now!

I really want to learn more about Abigail's boyfriend, Blaise. From what we saw of him in this chapter, he seemed like a really nice, easy-going guy. But for all I know, he could turn out to be a complete asshat.

This was a really good start, and I'm definitely going to have to watch out for the next chapter!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Ooh, yay, I'm glad you like this so far!

As for Abigail, I was really trying to get away from the "perfect girl" stereotype, so I'm glad that that didn't go unnoticed! That comment from James was quite true, wasn't it?

There's definitely a little bit of pack mentality in Abigail, in that she's a lot more gutsy and confident around her friends and weaker by herself, and that'll come to play later on in the story. :)

I've had a couple of people say the same thing about her friends, and, looking back, I think part of that identicality was a bit intentional, to kind of show her friends as yes-men (or yes-women, I guess). They will be developed in more detail later as the story goes on, though.

Ah, Blaise. I have a lot planned for him. *cackles evilly* You'll just have to wait and see. :)

The next chapter's coming soon, I just have to edit it a little more! Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)



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Review #50, by ScarletEye158 Complication #1

13th April 2013:
Hey there! This is a really good start you have! :)

I really like how well developed your characters are! It's usually really hard for me to read a story with so many OCs but I thought you gave them pretty strong personalities where I wasn't too overwhelmed! They all do seem a little too perfect though, so maybe giving them some faults or quirks would help? I can see some already in Abigail because she's the main character (and I particularly love the battle between the parents part) but the other three seem a little too good to be true.

Another part about this story that I really liked was how well it flowed! I'm not very good with flow in my writing but the way you transitioned between sentences, paragraphs and even new scenes was flawless! Nice job! :)

Your descriptions were beautiful, also. I loved how well you described the girls' looks. I could see them perfectly in my head and I liked that even though they all act the same you gave them all entirely different looks. I know some girls in my school dress exactly the same and change their hair and looks to match their friends and it's really annoying! lol

Ohhh, I can't wait to see what happens with Abigail and her boyfriend! Are they actually going to sleep together? I can tell she feels like she /needs/ to, but I don't really feel like she wants to! I hope she does the right thing!

This was a really good first chapter and I think it definitely is able to go somewhere! I hope you continue to write it because you're a very good writer :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'll make sure to get on yours as soon as possible! :)

I'm glad you think I started it off well, because I do agree that sometimes it is hard to read a story composed entirely of OCs, simply because you don't know very much about them. As for their individual quirks/faults, those will definitely show up later. :)

Oh yay, it flowed well! I was a little concerned about jumping from scene to scene, but I'm glad to see it came out okay.

That will all be explained in the next chapters or so! I'm just going to leave it at that, because if I keep typing, I'll end up giving away the plot...

Thanks for the review - I'm glad you liked the story!

-ShadowRose


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