Reading Reviews for Other Side of Glass
  
71 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx dust

2nd January 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the sixth day of 12 days of reviewing.

This was just so absolutely amazing. I could just feel the amount of emotion in this chapter. Your writing style is so brilliant.

I think you've portrayed George perfectly. The hollow grief he's feeling made me feel like my insides were curdling. Poor George.

Those sentences within the parentheses...they were just so tormenting. I feel like curling up under my quilt and never coming out.

I hate Lee for not being able to distinguish between the two. I loved the way George reacts to that though. His confusion, pretending to be Fred, and then the anguish as realization dawned upon him were so powerful. *wipes away a tear*

Your descriptions, the words you use, they all just blend together so well. This is such beautiful writing. Now I need to go mourn Fred. *Sigh* I'll definitely come back to read on.

- Erin.

Author's Response: Hello there, Erin!

Wow, thank you for this lovely review! This was such a surprise; thank you for reading! I'm sorry for taking such an awfully long time to respond, eep!

This certainly isn't the easiest fic to read; I did intend to write a lot of heavy angst, although it's been a very long time since I wrote that first chapter. I'm glad you like the style of this, the parentheses and all. Also, I'm glad this story had quite a lot of emotional impact on you; poor George :( :( I had quite a hard time accepting his death.

Thank you once again for your review! Your comments have been so encouraging. I hope you do come back to read on! :)

-teh


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Review #2, by MissesWeasley123 dust

1st January 2014:
STOP KILLING ME TEH, WHY MUST YOU BE SO CRUEL ALL THE TIME. UGH.

For the 12 Days of Reviewing.
*wipes tears*

When his eyes (my eyes) glassed over in some sort of dream we might have shared in the past. -- K, HOLD UP. I usually love brackets in stories because they're usually used to show musings and are funny, BUT THIS IS SO UNNECESSARY, OH MY GOD, TEEHH. STAHP. I might as well go jump off of the face of earth HONESTLY WOMAN YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.

I wish I didn't have a heart, but I do, I do, and you basically ripped it out and blended it into juice which is disturbing but I am in so much pain. This is not a good story to be reading on NEW YEARS AH, TEH, WHYY??

This has to be hands down your best writing. I don't care what anyone says, but this... this is on a whole other level. OBVIOUSLY FAVOURITING.

I love the way you write, absolutely adore it.

In the end it was Ginny who knelt beside me – I could hear the tears in her voice. They were an ugly sort of tears – the kind that leak down your face in shapeless trails and some of them slide off the backs of your eyeballs and down your throat, choking you.

I AM DEAD. THAT PARAGRAPH WAS... NYAAH. You suck. (I'm kidding ily) BUT WHY.

Author's Response: uh.oh dear...Nadia...

:P

Oh you know WHY. (It's because I suck! :P )

I really am sorry about your heart and all that blended heart juice, and on New Year's Day, too!!! This is definitely the angstiest thing I've ever written, also the first fic I posted here...and back then I only wanted to do lots of dead heavy angst and depress the heck out of everyone. Waah, my best writing!??! I'm so flattered I don't even know what to say *HUGS*

...sorry about that paragraph you quoted, it was completely unnecessary...

Well, I dunno what to say...except this story gets a lot stranger...?? So it won't be too depressing...??? Maybe???

Truth is, with this story, I've kind of put it on hiatus because I simply don't know how to continue; I had a lot of plans for it when I first started writing but I lost all my notes and gradually began to find this story becoming harder to write. So I don't know when I'll pick this up again eep. I might get inspired and churn out a chapter every now and then, but it will probably take time. :( :(

THANK YOU FOR THIS SURPRISE LOVELY REVIEW, NADIA. ♥

And...er...Happy New Year to you??? I hope it's still a happy new year for you?? *hands over tissue*

Here - have some hearts! ♥ ♥ ♥

teh


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Review #3, by Mr S. Claus to grieve

18th December 2013:
Me again, I should have probably apologies two reviews ago for my utter incoherence in these reviews, I realise they aren't particularly helpful but honestly, I wouldn't change a word.

When I first read about George taking the 'drug' (for want of a better word), I was a little aprehensive to continue but then the more I read, the more sense it made. This story reminds me how Fred and George were essentially one character, and to take one of them away would of course send the other into a complete downward spiral.

George's behavious at the funeral was just devestating to read, I just wanted to climb into your story and hug him.

The descriptions in this one were amazing too, his grave sounded so perfect for him and George's message on it, gah...I just can't.

I always wondered how the Weasley's would cope after the war when they finally had time to deal with Fred's death properly and now I think I don't want to know, it's just too sad :(

Author's Response: I actually quite enjoyed writing this chapter, baha. :P At least I did, all those months ago when I first started on it. I definitely had a lot of fun with the 'grimbly' thing, writing it. I put George through a lot in this chapter, sometimes I feel that possibly I've been a bit too harsh.

Your reviews are absolutely wonderful! They're such a joy to read. ♥

You would /not/ want to climb into this story :( Believe me, it's a dark and depressing place, if only you could see all those unwritten chapters in my head. :( :(

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews! ♥

-teh


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Review #4, by A considerably less jolly Santa :p fred

18th December 2013:
Oh, Teh, once again you have rendered me incoherent.

I absolutely love the care and consideration that you've put into this chapter, even down to the formatting (incredibly effective by the way)

Fred and George are characters I've always avoided writing just because I don't think I'm funny enough to do them justice, a problem you certainly have no problem with. You had just the right amount of them speaking as one person and finishing each other's sentences (something that can often be over done), their pranks were exactly right and their characterisations spot on.

The way you descibed Fred's death from his own point of view was beautiful, and of course his last thought was of George...heartbreaking.

Once again, I am completely envious of your wonderful writing.

Author's Response: :( :( :(

I'M SORRY FOR THIS CHAPTER.

I now realise how difficult it is to read, as though seeing Fred's death through George's eyes in the first chapter was not enough...and now you have to read about it through Fred's own eyes. UGH NO. I rewrote this chapter many, many times, and I think I will have to rewrite it again because the story has changed somewhat, taken a new direction.

I'm so relieved to hear that I handle the twins OK; I'm a bit afraid of continuing this story because I think I've lost my grip on them. But your review is really so reassuring! Thank you ♥

*hugs Santa and never lets go*

teh


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Review #5, by Santa (again) dust

18th December 2013:
Having only just dried my eyes after reading 'You Can Write the Book', this probably wasn't the best story to choose to read next but hey ho (ho ho :D) I'm back!

First off can I just say, is there any need for this - "(Fred is dead and I am George. George is gone and I am Fred. Forge George. Dead Fred.)" Seriously, Teh, break my heart and then stomp on it for good measure won't you?! As much as this line killed me it was just so...George. Like, exactly how I would imagine his thought process to be after Fred died. I mean, the whole chapter descibes his grief perfectly, but there's something about that line.

You have such an amazing talent when it comes to writing but for me, your angst stories are where it really shines. I don't know how you do it but you make me feel like I'm the characters in your stories and it's me feeling/seeing/doing all of the things I read...I'm just in awe right now.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters in this story and dreading it at the same time, I'm not sure my emotions can take it.

Author's Response: Hello again, dear Santa! ♥

Aww, aww, I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time with this fic :( :( I was a bit surprised when I saw your reviews for this story, especially straight after 'you can write the book', which /also/ deals with the loss of a sibling...I now secretly think you're addicted to deep miserable angst, bahaha! :P

But honestly, thank you SO MUCH for your reviews on this story ♥ It's been some time since I came back to this fic; I don't want to abandon it, I'm just waiting a while before I come back to hopefully finish it.

I'm glad you like my angst stories! I don't actually write a lot of pure angst fic anymore, but reading your wonderful comments makes me want to write them again, probably something seriously deep and miserable and heartbreaking and possibly involving Dennis Creevey. :P I'm glad that the characters feel real to you, that you're able to see things through their eyes.

Eek, thank you for this amazing review, lovely! ♥

teehhh


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Review #6, by Roots in Water to grieve

11th September 2013:
Hello! This is Roots in Water here with your (much-delayed) review! I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to your request. I can only say that real life has been a bit crazy...

Anyway, I'm here now. Hopefully you don't mind and would still like for me to review this chapter.

This chapter was certainly interesting. I particularly found George's substance abuse fascinating. I could definitely picture him trying to escape from reality in that manner, especially since actually playing a practical joke would be going too far. George was trying to put Fred's death out of his mind, to keep Fred alive for as long as possible, and he couldn't do that without the powder.

Your description of George under the influence was great. The sharpening of the senses was easy to see and experience along with him.

Also, I liked the addition of the Polyjuice Potion. It was an interesting twist on the idea of trying to keep a deceased loved one alive- he was trying to be Fred.

All throughout the funeral I was cringing, because I knew that George would do something to disrupt it. For a while I thought that he would just pee where he was sitting... I'm not sure that it's any better that he actually got up on stage. I just felt so bad for him, and for everyone watching him, when he tried to say that Fred was still alive- couldn't you see that he was right there? It was a very difficult situation and I think that you did a great job of portraying the reactions of everyone involved.

Your description about how they shared everything in their lives, about how their room was not divided but rather one large combination of their things, was really touching and a great insight into their lives. Furthermore, it also provided an explanation or insight as to how George was feeling before and during Fred's funeral- he was literally attending the funeral for half of himself.

The second paragraph gave me pause for a moment. I was confused by the reference to flowers- I hadn't been expecting them, nor the charmed colours of the ground. However, after I realized that they were funeral customs, all was fine.

George's reaction to Fred's tombstone was quite interesting to read because it showed an anger that might have been hidden... Or perhaps not anger so much as frustration at being separated from each other. Either way, the scene provided insight into George's mind through his actions, not through telling- which is something that you are very good at doing.

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter. Although there were a few parts that I had to reread in order to be able to understand them (such as the more fragmented sections of the text), I understand that they were put there to enhance the reader's understanding of the fragility of George's mindset. As well, I don't think that you were overly melodramatic because of the significance of the main event of this chapter. George was losing someone that he still doesn't want to admit is dead. He is in denial, his mind is all confused. Everything in this chapter added to this understanding. Thank you for requesting a review and (once again) I am so sorry that it took me so long to write it!

Author's Response: Roots! Oh my goodness, what a review! And I have completely forgotten that I even made this request :O But thank you so, so much for such a detailed, insightful, and thorough review. It has been quite some time since I updated this story, and I've actually put it on hiatus while I figure things out - where I'd like to take this story and how it will turn out etc.

I know this wasn't a very comfortable read for many people; I certainly felt very uncomfortable writing it, and I do intend it to be this way. The depths of George's grief is supposed to be quite personal, especially since he's a Weasley twin, and going by the books, the twins are almost never shown as being intensely unhappy. It got to a point that I began to feel like an intruder in my own fic, witnessing George's frame of mind. The funeral bit was just...incredibly painful to write. :(

Yeah, I'm aware that some parts aren't as clear as the others, and there might be a few details which confuse readers; I can't remember much of it now, since I wrote this chapter last year, but I'll definitely be revising it once I get this story up and going again. The reference to the flowers in the early paragraph is meant to be tied to a later reference (in the last section, post-funeral, there are big flashy flowers on Fred's grave left by Ginny). That was one of those little details I thought I might slip in, since the twins were always so flamboyant (with their maroon robes clashing with their red hair and all etc.). Thanks for your great and very valuable feedback on this, Roots.

And yeah, I generally prefer to do a whole lot of showing rather than telling, even if it does mean that readers have to think a little and make their own assumptions/conclusiosn from whatever the narrative presents to them. I'm so glad you picked up on this :D

Thank you so, so much once again for this brilliant review, Roots! It has been extremely useful, and no worries about the time! I'm just so grateful and glad that you stopped by!

-teh


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Review #7, by academica fred

17th July 2013:
Heyyy, here for the TGS Dragon Duel! Which, as it turns out, was a fab excuse to come back to this story which is mad but not rubbish. Update?

Wow, I really don't know what to say. I read this chapter and the last one to catch up and I'm newly drawn in because I just love the abstract style in which this is written. I think all the fragments and not-quite-right phrasing and odd metaphors meshed with memories make perfect sense, really, because that's how you feel when you lose someone so close to you it feels like your own skin, and I can't even imagine what kinds of crazy things we all might end up feeling after we pass away.

I'm in awe of your ability to infuse the bleakness of the theme here with the twins' trademark style and humor--for instance, in this chapter, with Forge acting like an out-of-body experience combined with some kind of hallucination for poor Fred. I love the bizarre way in which he relived family memories, especially the excruciating detail with which you described him trying to eat the rock.

Yeah, this is just really cool. I'm favoriting it to show you that I'm serious about returning if you decide to update again :)

♥ Amanda

Author's Response: Amanda ♥

Thank you for this absolutely lovely and completely unexpected review! Your compliments mean a whole bunch to me. Fred's memories are sort of there, but he's not experiencing them properly; they seem to be warped, and are on the verge of being somewhat nightmarish. At least that's what I was trying to convey in this chapter. It's a kind of strange afterlife he's in, not so much a life, but a breaking open of his mind and all his dreams and memories spilling out around him in a tangle. Well, I do hope this doesn't sound too odd! :P

I do really want to update this! But I'm just at a loss at where to go next. It didn't help that my notes got lost and I've had to re-plan many things. But once I sort out where the story is going to go, I'll be back and writing more chapters for this! And rearranging the fic as I go along. I really do miss updating this!

Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing AND favouriting! This has just made my day ♥

teh


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Review #8, by Virgo dust

1st June 2013:
I think that this story is awesome! I love the idea of it! I just had a question for my own stories. How do you put up banners? I've been trying to figure it out, but without success. :(

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing :)

In response to your question, if you have a banner already, upload it onto an image hosting site and copy the link and paste it into you chapter summary. If you don't have a banner, you can request one at The Dark Arts - the link should be on the HPFF homepage. Remember to read the rules! They'll also explain in greater detail how to put banners in your stories. Also, perhaps you might want to join the HPFF forums :) It's a vibrant community and you can request constructive critique for your stories if you know where to look. Hope this helps :)

-teh


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Review #9, by cypress fred

28th May 2013:
Hello, hello! As usual, I'm blown away. You're absolutely right about the content getting stranger, but you shouldn't doubt yourself. This writing experiment is yielding some really spectacular results! This chapter reminds me of a Salvador Dali painting. You have an amazing grasp on the surreal and you paint the scene so vividly I can taste it.

There are some writers that produce words. And you have to read the words. And then there are writers like you, that use their words to create something entirely un-word-like. Your sentences are like vehicles. I don't feel like I'm reading when I read your stories. I feel like I'm watching a scene unfolding in real time. It's pretty amazing what you do, so I think my single critique is that you should doubt yourself less.

Also, you have a real knack for cutting off your imagery at the perfect point. Just like it's possible to under-describe, it really is possible for someone to describe something to death and end up ruining a sentence by convoluting it with too much imagery. Take for example, "The outlines of his face are fuzzy, they’re blurring, and the edges are breaking off into threads of white, wafting and winding away into the smoggy matrix. I have this unpleasant feeling that if I keep watching his face, it will peel away into smoke, shred by shred, right before my eyes." This was just perfect. You brought us all the way to the peak of perfection but stopped right before sending us tumbling over the edge of the cliff. Your descriptions need nothing more and nothing less.

But seriously, to whatever extent you're doubting the direction of this piece, I vote that you quit your doubting this instant. It's really fantastic piece of surrealist art. If only we could hang a story on a gallery wall, this one belongs up there right along with Dali and M.C. Escher.

Until next time,
cypress xx

Author's Response: cypress ♥

gaah, thank you for yet another amazing flattering review :D Some of the praise you gave me is just so omg. I've never understood Dali, and I'm not the most learned in art, but it's just so incredibly flattering that you'd compare this chapter to a painting, a very strange one.

I've never had anyone tell me that my words are not like words at all, but "scenes unfolding" in real time. That bit of your review just honestly made my whole week. I'm ecstatic you like the imagery, and that the sudden turn of events didn't turn you off. I took quite a long break from this story, (too distracted with other oneshot plunnies!) and it's so wonderful to hear feedback like this. It makes me want to be a bit more hardworking and start working on this story again! And I will, definitely, after I complete a couple of oneshots :)

Thank you so much once again for your fantastic review! I am a chronic self-doubter, yes :P I ought to take a class in self-confidence.

teh ♥


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Review #10, by Jchrissy fred

28th April 2013:
I am annoyed. This is annoying. Not you, or the writing or anything, I mean I am actually annoyed right now that this stupid bloke doesn't just TELL FRED WHERE HE IS AND HOW TO GET TO THE NEXT STEP.

Sorry, I feel a bit better now that I've gotten that you, though. Really though, you absolutely did your job with this purgatory/limbo sort of place and creating the combination of frustration, fear, and down right anger. I was getting so fed up with the Fred/George but not Fred/George thing answering every question with a question. I mean, this boy has suffered enough. Though I suppose he doesn't even realize he's suffered because he doesn't remember what happened or anything he left behind...

Good god. You're giving me a seriously mind twist over here. In the best way possible, because I love when stories twist me up and make me really think. The fact that you managed to tell this in such a state of confusion, but still narrating it clearly, is so awesome. I've seen a lot of times when people try and get across this sort of extreme unknowing, it almost comes across as sloppy writing that hasn't been given enough care into what it's trying to say. But this.. my gosh. You writing is gorgeous like always, but more than that you know what you want to say and you say that clearly. You leave the character confused and the reader confused because Fred feels that way, not because of your writing. And that's such an awesome talent.

You took us back into these small memories of Fred's, though I suppose they aren't even so much memories because he still barely remembers a thing, in a really smooth transition in and out of the fog. I think keeping Forge in there, calling out while Fred is inside the sort of memory, was the perfect touch to tie them all together. In my head I have this really awesome visual of him going through these but still surrounded by the fog and a Forge off in the distance.

I promised myself I would make your review a million times more intelligible than my responses to your reviews, but now I'm blabbing on trying to get across how much I love this.

I'm excited to read the new chapter two. I hope when you rewrite it and switch the order, you'll PM me so I can come back and read all four in the new order!

As always, gorgeous job you amazing author, you.

♥ Jami

Author's Response: JAMI ♥

Your review has pretty much PUREED ME GAH ♥ Honestly, all your lovely compliments mean so much to me you have no idea, so thank you so so much!

Yup, this chapter is definitely meant to be a bit of a mindtwist. It's because the story got out of hand - I mean originally this whole thing was just meant to be a quiet drama (with grief and all that) about the Weasley family post-Battle dealing with Fred's death and all...but somehow, aahh, something happened to the story :P And now I've begun writing Limbo.

That weird annoying Forge character that makes everyone want to push off a cliff is sort of inside Fred's head, and is /probably/ an extension of Fred's personality, and of his lost self. Hope this makes sense :P

And all those memories, they're kind of wrong. I mean, they're essentially right (the Weasleys did go to Egypt for a holiday and all) but they've been warped, whether through his sudden shocking death wiping out all traces of his earthly existence, or by something else. At any rate, whatever poor dead Fred is experiencing is certainly more than just regaining his memories and all :P

If all that sounds confusing to you, it's my fault :P I'm really experimenting with things and ideas in this fic, and hopefully some of them will work :)

Thank you for this amazing review, Jami! Of course it's intelligible! And I'm so excited that you're excited to see the changes ^.^ It will be some a few weeks before I get down to changing stuff, but I'll let you know! Thanks again *hugs*

teh ♥


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Review #11, by adluvshp fred

18th April 2013:
Hey teh! Here for your requested review. Apologies for the extreme delay!

First off, I have to say, don't worry too much and don't lose your confidence. You're a great writer so really, be confident in your skills =) This story is surely very unique and different, but this just proves how talented you're, so you really shouldn't worry so much.

I quite liked this chapter. I loved the way you described the "state" Fred is in. I was wondering throughout where exactly he is, and where he has to go from here. It was all very bizarre (as it should be), and had my curiosity peaked. The confusion and weirdness and what not Fred was 'feeling' was very evident throughout, and I really enjoyed your descriptions of everything through his eyes.

I can definitely see why you think you should swap this chapter for chapter two. It would certainly work well with the story flow and pace that way, so good decision =)

Your imagery is as always amazing. I absolutely feel drawn into the story, and you totally keep all my five senses "engaged". It's all very vivid and surreal, and I love it.

I am hoping that Fred remembers everything about his "living life" soon, as it seems like only then he'll be able to "move on" from the limbo state (?) he is in.

As I said before, you're a very talented writer and I am pleased the way the story is going. You really seem to have thought this through, and of course this takes a lot of imagination and out-of-the-world thinking, so hats off for that. I do have to say that the story, especially this chapter, can get a little heavy on the mind here and there though. Not 'heavy' in the sense of boring or lengthy way (because really your descriptions are superb and your narrative brilliant, so it can't get boring ever), but heavy in the sense that it is all a tad confusing. I had to re-read certain parts to really take in what was happening and even then I can't exactly grasp what is going on. Even George's thoughts were slightly muddled in the previous chapters. Of course, I understand that all these wayward style of thinking is your intention, but if you could ease up just a little bit (if possible), it'd be great.

You asked me if there's anything over-the-top here, and I'd say that no to that. It was surreal and bizarre yes, but not over-the-top. Nothing appeared as draggy to me, and everything fitted well. Of course the little bit of "weirdness" that came with the placing of this chapter will automatically be amended once you switch this for chapter two. I enjoyed Fred's voice immensely, as I mentioned before, you've described his thoughts really well.

The only CC I have is, it can all get a little heavy especially when you have so much "expression" in one chapter, so it'd be better to try and clear things up a little - ease up on the "muddled" writing style, if you can do that (and if it suits the story).

Apart from that, it was all pretty good and I am liking the story so far. The chapter was well-written, and oh I must commend you on your vocabulary - pretty good!

Great going! Keep writing!
9/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

P.S. Sorry if this review was a little repetitive or not very coherent, I am dead tired right now so just randomly putting down my thoughts and not really thinking about it!

Author's Response: Hello AD ♥

Gah, thanks for this lovely review and the amazingly helpful CC! And don't worry about the delay; we're all busy people here :)

It's been quite a while since I updated this fic (my very first HP fanfic ^.^) and I did make a whole lot of notes for future chapters, but unfortunately they all got deleted -___- Originally this story was going to be a short one, a sort of Weasley family drama, but obviously things have got a bit out of hand and started changing on their own :P

I'm so so happy the imagery and descriptions worked for you and that some parts were very engaging! And yes, Fred is in a state of Limbo, kinda like Harry was in limbo in DH, but it's a lot less pleasant here and Fred basically has no memory at all. This chapter is definitely meant to be confusing and hazy and all, but that being said, I really don't want to go overboard with all that and I don't want to leave the reader fumbling in the dark trying to understand what's going on.

Thank you so much for pointing out that things can get heavy and a bit overwhelming. I was worried about that actually, and your CC has confirmed my suspicions :) I think I'll go through this chapter again and sort of remove bits and pieces, so to make it a bit easier on the reader. Perhaps shorten the chapter, or take out one or two scenes or something.

Thanks so much for dropping by and taking the time to read and review AD ♥ You've been so helpful and so encouraging with this review!

And I'm dead tired too; it's past 3am so I apologise if parts of this response don't make sense :P

*hugs*

teh


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Review #12, by HuffleyPuff fred

11th April 2013:
Hello it's HuffleyPuff here to give you your review. What I'm going to do is to to break things down into lies, dislikes and all that jazz.

First of I would like to say that I actually really enjoyed this because I found it really rather confusing to read. Your style of writing is completely new to me and because of this I am getting slightly confused by whats going on in your story, but the style of it is really good. So some chapters are from Fred's POV and he's dead and George pretend to be Fred and then Fred is dead in limbo...I am really rather confused about what's going on and so you may want to go back and clear some of that up >_> I'm normally good with understanding stories and things, but I was completely lost on this one. Because of the fact I'm not sure I understand what's going on I can't really talk about the plot, but I'm sure it's interesting and will turn out to be a great and interesting story in the end.

What I am going to talk about is the characters, you really only focus on Fred and George and I really think that you characterized them perfectly. When they were both alive you showed how close they were and how they were twins and proud of that. When Fred died, however, you can see how broken George is about it and how he tried to be Fred to get over his grief. You can really see how close the family was when he died and I really think you characterized everyone perfectly in this story and this is something I really can't complain about. I do love a story with some good characters who I can really feel for and connect with.

I also like your use of words, some of the words you use in the chapters are some that I wouldn't normally consider putting in my own stories, but they really enhance the mood of the depression and sadness of the story and I think you did that very well. I also like the length of the chapters, they are not too long or too short so you should continue writing them at this good length you have. It really adds to the feel. A story with too short chapters or too long ones really doesn't have a nice flow to them and then it becomes a story with too little chapters or far too many of them.

So that's all I really have to say about this, this is a nice start you have to a nice story- if not I found it a little confusing to read and I didn't really understand what was going on. Good luck and happy writing!

HuffleyPuff x

Author's Response: Hiya Victoria :)

Wow, thanks for such a detailed and honest review! I absolutely love these :D I'm sorry you didn't understand most of what was going on, and I certainly hope this wasn't too laboured a read for you! I've tried to be very experimental with this fic. There are a lot of strange concepts and situations being explored in here, and some of it /is/ pretty confusing. I'm not really sure if things will straighten out, though :P The story so far is split into the two POVs of Fred and George - Fred is dead and caught in some sort of Limbo, while George is trying (and somewhat failing) to get on with normal life. That's basically the premise of the story :) Though of course, Fred's memories have been wiped clean by death and he's lost all sense of self and identity, and in whatever memories that slowly come back to him, there's a mix of what is true and what isn't. Right, I can see why you're confused bahah! Maybe I've made things a lot more complicated than they are O_O

I'm so happy that you actually read all four chapters! Thank you so much for that! I needed feedback on the latest chapter, or on the story as a whole so far, and you've given me just that.

And thank you for all your wonderful compliments on the characters! This is definitely a character driven fic, and I'm so glad you felt for or connected with the characters. And I'm glad you found the chapter lengths to be just right!

Anyway, thanks so much once again for this lovely review! I really appreciate you taking the time to do this! Cheers :)

-teh


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Review #13, by PolyJuice_ dust

11th April 2013:
Wow. That's it. Wow.

I was a ball of tense-ness that whole chapter. It had me on edge. I loved the way you really brought out the fact that George couldn't tell the difference between him and his brother, it made everything more dramatic.

The whole thing with Lee just made me mad - for the twins, that is. I was internally screaming at him for not understanding Fred was dead and that he had the wrong twin. Percy's line just about killed me too. *love*

The opening line was just fantastic. Hook, line and sinker. You brought all the emotions that were missed from the book, and brought them to life here. It could've easily been a scene from JKR's book.

I noticed quite a few minor errors and such, but not too much. The only thing is that it interrupts the flow of the story, catching your eyes on that one bit of mistake.

But all in all I loved it! You went seamlessly from paragraph to paragraph, feel to feel. Liz to ball of sobbing emotion. ;)

Great work,
Liz!

Author's Response: Hello Liz!

Thanks for your wonderful review :D You've left me so many compliments..gah ♥ I'm so glad you thought the opening was good and grabbed your attention. I was really trying to capture George's voice as best as I could. I just had to include Lee in this chapter because I ♥ Lee :D Though he won't have too big a role in the story.

It's been quite awhile since I looked at this chapter. I know there's one instance of an awkward tense but I really didn't know there were other errors as none of the other reviewers mentioned it. So thanks for telling me! I'll read through this chapter again and edit :D

Thank you so much once again for your lovely review, Liz! And thanks for being generous enough to offer free reviews on the forums!

-teh


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Review #14, by Elphaba and Boyfriends fred

5th April 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here!

Well, this chapter is definitely a departure from the previous ones, but as I read I found myself just as curious as ever to see where the story will lead. Don't despair, even if you are not feeling so confident about the direction it's going at the moment. :)

I can definitely see how this will fit better within the overall story if it is swapped with Chapter 2. I took a quick glance back at that chapter, and think that maybe the very first section could be added to this one. Perhaps you could even write a section to bridge the gap between these two chapters; the very last section of chapter 2 (where Fred recalls his death) might be a good place to start.

I continue to love the vividness of your writing; for instance, the fog "sponging up the wet grass and the water until it was so heavy that I felt it sliding against my skin, a clammy touch," and the "clay city, buildings like squat cakes."

I wondered as I read where Fred could be. Is this a dream? He asks that question himself, though, which makes me think that, no, it couldn't be. Maybe he's in purgatory, or in some in-between state -- somewhere between being a ghost and heading to the afterlife. That leads me to the question: How will he find his way out of here?

The last bit of dialog ("Where is there to go?" "I can't answer what you don't know.") makes me think that he may just need to remember who he is and what has happened to him in order to move on.

I like this open-endedness (asking questions like this is half the fun), and am content to move along in whatever direction the story takes me next.

Author's Response: Elphaba, thank you for this absolutely lovely review! And for responding so quickly to my request :D I really needed feedback for this chapter because of the strange turn this story has taken, and your review made me feel ten million times better :)

I'm glad you understand my reasons for restructuring and reorganising the chapters! And thanks for your valuable suggestions; your reviews are some of the most helpful I've received so far.

Also, thanks for that lovely comment on the vividness of the writing!

There are certainly a lot of questions in this chapter, and quite a few will remain unresolved I'm afraid :P But what I'm trying to explore here is that idea of Limbo; in DH I think the place Harry went after he "died" was called Limbo, though he saw it as King's Cross Station. I was a bit inspired by what Dumbledore said about "Of course it's all in your head but that doesn't mean it's not real" or something like that :P So this chapter explores that, what is real and what isn't and what is made up and whether all of the above are mutually exclusive or not.

I'm so glad you didn't find the open-endedness a letdown! Some readers really like things to tie up.

Thank you so much for your absolutely wonderful review, Elphaba! I can't tell you how grateful I am for your input :DDD

-teh

PS: I've got quite a few chapters of Wicked Blood to catch up on, I see :P


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Review #15, by UnluckyStar57 to grieve

4th April 2013:
Arrrgh, so sad!!

So, so sad!!

You've broken George, or maybe he was broken and you just SHOWED me how broken he was... And now I'm really sad. I probably need to go read a Dramione parody to cheer up. (Just kidding... I don't even like that ship!)

The grimbly-whatever was a really clever invention on your part, and as sad as it makes me to admit it, yes, I can see the Weasley twins doing drugs. As much as I'd like them to just be that crazy on their own... But having George take it and then use Polyjuice to turn into Fred was quite brilliant and heartbreaking, indeed.

I'll be honest, when he said that he was going to turn into Fred, I thought, "What's the difference?" I forgot that George had only one ear! When he got up onstage at the funeral... That was just even more sadness that I didn't like, but loved at the same time.

Because really, with your writing, even though you've put all of your syntax into a blender on purpose for this story, you've got me seeing EVERYTHING that goes on. I feel as if I'm right there with George, and that's what makes it all so sad. :(

The only part that made me laugh a little (not that this is SUPPOSED to be a humor story...) was when he wrote, "jokes on you mate" on the tombstone. But it actually wasn't funny at all. It's the kind of humor that funny people use as a defense mechanism when they're sad. And it's more pathetic than anything. (Here, "pathetic" means "arousing sympathy in others." Just thought I'd clarify!)

But yes, despite the extreme sadness of this whole chapter, thank you for breaking George. There are not a lot of people who write him immediately after Fred's death, but it's such an important thing for people to see. I mean, it's not like he just magically started being George again without Fred by his side. And after reading this, I believe he might never again be the George he once was.

Amazing, amazing, heartbreaking chapter!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello Unlucky ♥

...your reviews are such an ego booster :P If you give me any more praise I'm going to burst :P

Thank you so much for this! I'm so glad you didn't find the short sentences and stuff like that disruptive to reading, and that you followed George's emotional state through this. I was constantly on the edge of my seat writing this, hoping it wouldn't be too overdramatic or unrealistic or plain silly. But so far the feedback I've got for this chapter has just been amazing. It really made me uncomfortable, writing George this way :(

And...it's totally OK to laugh at some parts (...in fact I'm secretly hoping people /will/ laugh baha). It's meant to be an impossibly ridiculous but tragic chapter. And yes, 'pathetic' is such an excellent word to describe all this mess!

And I don't know if George will recover. I mean JKR herself said he was never the same, sort of.

Thank you so so so much for your absolutely lovely review ♥ It's just made my day, week, year, forever, forever and a day.gah ♥ ♥ ♥

-teh


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Review #16, by CambAngst fred

3rd April 2013:
Hi, there! Tagging you from Review Tag!

I am so pleased to get a chance to come back to this story! I hear so many good things about it and I really should have made a point of reading more.

The beginning of this chapter was sort of strange. It had a disorganized quality to it, like a person struggling to find their point. Or perhaps to find themselves. Regardless, it set a very interesting tone for what was to come. Like Fred is doing his very best to maintain a sense of identity. Of being.

And then he goes into his recollections about contemplating death with George. I loved the idea of the two of them growing as old as Dumbledore together, but still looking for opportunities to prank Percy. So sad that it was never to be.

The unfocused anger and random destructiveness in the aftermath of Umbridge banning them from playing Quidditch was probably the part of the chapter that I found the hardest to get my head around. The idea of Fred and George venting in such a wantonly destructive way seemed a bit odd. Fred and George have always been about controlled, precisely choreographed mayhem in my mind. There's always a design behind their mischief, a master plan that perhaps only makes sense to the two of them, but is very real. Maybe I just missed something in your description, but this felt a bit off.

Anyway, the idea of the two of them coming upon replacement brooms and stealing off to the pitch was where the story reconnected solidly for me. Fred and George, blowing off steam as the rough-housed with a flotilla of bludgers was a great scene. The blackness of the nearly-moonless night added to the sense of toying with death in the way that only the two of them can. And then Fred nearly gets killed by three of them, only to be saved by his brother's almost instinctive reaction to the danger he's in. Again, a perfect twin moment. The way that they joke about Fred's serious injuries reminded me a lot of the scene in Deathly Hallows where George cracks wise about his severed ear.

That awkwardness that settles over the two of them when the topic of death comes up was a nice touch. They really are too young to contemplate the harsh reality of death in anything other than a joking manner. Fred's close brush was definitely too close for comfort. It put the topic front and center and even with their formidable ability to make light of anything, they couldn't quite shake the tension.

Lastly, we come to that terrible night at Hogwarts. The stark contrast between their joking dismissal of the non-reality of dying at a young age and the abrupt reality of Fred's death was well written. I loved the idea that Fred's last thought was of George. I can't see it being any other way.

You are a fantastic writer. You have a particular knack for using the visual element of how you put the words on the page to add some extra depth to your writing. I don't see that done very often, and it usually isn't very effective. Here, you made really excellent use of space and spacing, capitalization and the lack thereof. Very well done.

Author's Response: Hello there! Wow, thanks for such a lovely review! It's such a detailed, insightful and honest one, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate these :)

I have to confess that this chapter no longer fits with the rest of the story (because I've been a bit experimental and all my story notes were deleted and I've had to start planning again). Thus, the entire chapter will be rewritten so it's a little more stylistically consistent with the newly validated Chapter 4 (where Fred also narrates again), and then I will swap this chapter around with no. 4. Yeah, it's all confusing as anything. I've been having a lot of doubts with this chapter as it is, and I'm so please to hear all that valuable feedback about what works and what doesn't work so well.

The beginning of this was just me trying to experiment a little :) Obviously, it no longer fits too well with the rest of the story, so I'm going to tone down things a little. I'll still try to work with space and voice and everything, but at a more restrained level.

I absolutely agree with you on your point about "choreographed mayhem" being much closer to the twins' style rather than random destruction. I've been becoming increasingly unsure about this scene, and it does seem a little over-the-top. And you pointing out how odd it seems really confirms my suspicions. So thank you so much for that. You've no idea how useful your comment has been!

I'm glad you like the other scenes, the bludger bit and the awkwardness...those will also have to be rewritten, though! In hopefully a more sensitive manner!

Gaaah, and the praise you gave me ♥ ♥ I'm just absolutely floored by all of it and I'm relieved and impossibly happy that you didn't find the stylistic weirdness too much or too disruptive to the reading process :)

Thank you so so much for your wonderful review! I hope you'll come back to this fic again!

-teh


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57 fred

2nd April 2013:
I... I... I.

I don't even know what to say. Your last sentence just gave me the worst chill bumps EVER.

Like, EVER.

How did you DO that?! Here I was, thinking that this story was simply a one-shot--a rather GREAT one-shot--but no.

It's a story, and the fact that you've become Fred's ghost... Chilling.

Stop it.

Wait, no. Continue! Chill bumps are good things, especially at the end of such a chapter as this one.

In the spirit of coherent thought (who needs it, really?), I will say that I've found nothing out of place with this chapter. Everything was spot on, perfectly timed. I really enjoyed the story that he told about the Death conversation, especially since it came at a moment of near-peril. Through it all, I felt like I was actually there, seeing the kid get cursed, and then seeing Fred fall (not for the last time).

I also like the idea of the Weasley twins with long beards that they wrap like sashes around their robes... I only wish it would come true...

But Fred's PoV of his death... That was what got me. So... CHILLING. I hate the fact that he didn't even enjoy the joke he made as he laughed his way to death. I hate that he hates how he died as a punchline. By the way--that metaphor--is still echoing in my mind. It won't stop... SO much sad, sad feels. :'(

I know that this is the kind of story where it has to fall apart, I KNOW that... But first he was broken, and then he was THERE, and then he was broken again... I'm rambling, aren't I?

Sorry, but you're just too amazing. Stop that! No, wait. Continue!! :)

You've got amazing skills, so please keep being amazing. Forever.

Amen.

~UnluckyStar57

P.S. Sorry for the incoherent-ness of this review. I'm just trying to find a way to express my reaction to this chapter... I hope I've gotten the general point across!

Author's Response: Bahahaha! Your review made me grin like an idiot :D Thank you for this! You've just boosted my confidence by 12409812%, as this chapter is one of my least favourite chapters so far. I was so incredibly worried that I got Fred's voice wrong and all...and I was actually planning to rewrite this chapter and make it a bit more consistent with my newest chapter (4).

Fred is such a difficult character to catch, m. Completely opposite of the kinds of characters I like to write and I suppose throughout the length of this fic (and it will be a longer fic...much longer than a oneshot :P...) I'm going to constantly feel insecure about my characters :P But thank you so so much for your lovely words.

What you said about the everything being "spot on, perfectly timed" is just such a tremendous compliment. *teary*

THANKS SOSOSOSO MUCH HUGS HEARTS KISSES ♥ ♥ ♥

teh

PS:.and I've re-requested at your thread for the next chapter eheheh...hope you don't mind :P


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Review #18, by academica fred

23rd February 2013:
Hi teh! Here from Review Tag :)

I love the dark overtone of this whole chapter. It's quite fascinating how you've managed to taint Fred, who was always a comforting source of humor in the canon plot, especially as the series grew ever darker. For instance, the Episkey spell--in canon, Luna just uses it to tweak Harry's nose a little, but here it's like full-blown emergency medicine being used to restore Fred's broken body to something resembling youth and health. It was quite startling to read the description there. I love the (unintentionally?) creepy "prank" they pulled on the Slytherin, but not as much as I love the levity with which Fred and George contemplate the terms of their double demise, the blaze of glory.

I love the imagery at the end; I felt like I was reliving Fred's death second by aching second along with him. How sad that he can recall it down to the tiniest, most morbid detail, trapped forever with the memory of what could have been, what was lost. How tragic that his life ended just when the life of his dear family was beginning again.

This is fantastic. I'll come by sometime and continue.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello Amanda!

So lovely to see another review from you for this story :D Yeah, the entire story is meant to be on the slightly darker side of things, even though it involves the Weasley twins and all. So their pranks and everything are going to have a darker tint to them, and well, generally things are going to be ahem...dark! :P At least I hope I can pull this off...

I think I might not have understood the use of Episkey too well in canon, actually! I know Tonks used it on Harry's nose after Malfoy stamped on his face so I thought the spell might fix Fred a little. But I guess it won't be enough if he's broken a rib or something...I'll definitely have to look up other possible spells! My knowledge on this area of canon is quite limited :P

I'm actually a little unhappy with this chapter now. I plan to rewrite it...or at least edit it quite heavily. There seems to be something a little off about it which I can't place...or maybe it's just me being obsessive :P

Fred's death was tragic for all of us :( I've not met a single HP fan who is not affected by his death, and by poor George's loss.

Thank you so very much once again for your absolutely wonderful review :D Your comments just made me all warm and fuzzy inside :) I'm currently writing Chapter 4 now and I do hope that you'll stop by again in the future :D Thanks again!

-teh


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Review #19, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing dust

5th February 2013:
Hey - here from the review tag!

I want to say I enjoyed this chapter, but it feels a little harsh with the subject matter. I will say I thought it was a fantastic portrayal of George at the battle once Fred has died. It did really get to me, I really hate that Fred died. His was one of the worst and most unexpected deaths for me.

The POV and characterisation of George at this point is great, you really get into his head and make us feel his pain. I loved the whole section where he becomes Fred, as their interchangeable. It's a really good idea and I really enjoyed it!

I like the way you move through the story, it feels quite disjointed at times, but that is how George is seeing it as he's lost Fred.

This was a really strong start to your story though! Well done :)

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi there Lauren :D

Thank you for your lovely review!

Yes, definitely this story is rather harsh - and probably a little too harsh. I keep changing my mind about things. I want to write a slightly darker story about the twins and I don't know if I can do that without completely ruining their characterisation!

Yeah, Fred's death is pretty hard for me to bear as well :( Poor George. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose a person so close to you.

I'm glad you thought this was a strong start! I will be rewriting Chapter 2 (because it doesn't feel as focused as it should be) before I start writing the fourth chapter!

Thank you once again for reading and reviewing!

-teh


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Review #20, by Elphaba and Boyfriends to grieve

30th January 2013:
Hi! It's taken me a long time to get back to this chapter, but I'm really glad I did! The sentence fragments and dense paragraphs don't bother me at all, because they work with George's emotions and mental state.

There are a lot of little details that jumped out at me, for one reason or another, like "Fred-in-a-box." It made me laugh; I'm not sure why, maybe I share George's morbid sentence of humor?

Another line: "We try to avoid glass a lot," struck me, because it is a bit creepy to catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection when I'm not expecting it, and I can just imagine how much worse that might be if I had a twin who was no longer there.

Other things that struck me: the overlap of belongings in their bedroom, the mismatched chairs at the service and Molly shoving food down people's throats. All of these details seem right.

I love the enhanced sensory details (water pure and silver, crumbs as sharp as grains of crystal) that accompany George's experiment with psychedelic substances. That's another element that seems to fit -- I could definitely see them experimenting together.

I just wanted to give George a hug when he put Fred's hair in the polyjuice potion. I'm very curious to find out what George means by "you owe me" and "If there is a way." Will he search for a way to bring Fred back?

Anyway, I enjoyed this immensely and look forward to reading more! :)

Author's Response: Hello Elphaba! Wow, this is such a completely unexpected but extremely lovely surprise review :D Sorry it's taken me quite a few days to respond :(

But anyway, your comments...gah! Just made me grin like an idiot! i'm so so glad that you enjoyed the little details here and there. I've been quite deliberate about this chapter, and I'm so happy that they worked for you.

And I'm glad you laughed bahah! Yes, i was /trying/ to get a bit of dark humour in and I wasn't entirely sure I'd succeeded...only one other reviewer seemed to find parts of this chapter funny. Funny but sad.

As for that 'you owe me' bit, hmm...I think I can't quite explain it right now. It is not a big thing in the story...it's just one of those strange details that I hope will sort of contribute to a certain atmosphere, or throw a certain light on the twins' relationship to each other. I will definitely be revealing more about the twins in later chapters and I hope things will start to make sense as the story progresses.

As for your question about bringing the dead back...well you can't bring the dead back bahah! Unless George thinks of making an Inferius out of Fred's body...mm...this actually sounds interesting...maybe...

BAHA OK thanks again for your amazing review, Elphaba! ♥

-teh


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Review #21, by Gabriella Hunter to grieve

27th January 2013:
Hello!

Back again. Poor George. Poor me. Poor George! This was perhaps like, the most brilliant thing ever, I've NEVER seen this before in all of the fanfics that I've read. I thought you played on all of the emotions and turmoil of the moment so well and of course, there was George. The fact that he kept referring to himself as something like, "we, are, us" just broke me into pieces. I thought you wrote those scenes in a very lovely way, though, but I can tell how hard it was to write. Grief is a hard thing to write anyway but you just amped it up 100x what I'm used to! D':
The fact that George took a mind altering thing was something I'd never seen before. The boys were so naughty though! Ha. How he was tasting air, and grass just sort of stood out in my mind and I could picture him so well, it was so tough reading him suffering so badly.
The funeral scene was what got me. I wasn't sure how I was going to react to that but I sat there, as stiff as a board and just had to allow my heart to shatter. Poor George! And oh, God, how he's going to regret what happened after this! ARGH! I don't know what else to say, there was so much that I loved about this, I can't put it into words!! Darn. Just know that it was amazing and thanks so much!
Also, that ending is going to stick with me. Gave me the chills. :D
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Yeah, SUCH A DIFFICULT TO CHAPTER TO WRITE OMG.

I'm so glad it worked for you. And wow, that's some serious praise you're giving me! Brilliant? My goodness!

BAHAHA GRIMBLY LET'S HIT UP THE GRIMBLY. Dunno where that came from to be honest. But the moment the idea struck that the twins could be, you know, experimenting with stuff, I just couldn't get it out of my head. It seemed really silly, the things he did...but I wanted him to do something silly anyway. All I had to do was be convincing. And man was that difficult. But ah, so so happy you loved this chapter! I think it's probably my favourite out of the three chapters I've written so far :P Yeah, that's not really saying a lot...

I'm currently trying my best to start Chapter 4! It's even more difficult because it's back to dead Fred again.

Thanks Gabbie! Love your lovely lovesome reviews!

teh ♥


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Review #22, by Gabriella Hunter fred

27th January 2013:
Hello!

Surprised to see me popping up back here, yes? I thought it would be sooo good to get back into this story and here I am. So, I loved the way you have this written in Fred's POV, I've never read anything like it before, its such a unique way of doing it. I thought that his personality had so much more depth to it than I've been used to seeing and I really enjoyed it. The fact that he was even talking about death in the first place and avoiding the issue even while talking about it showed alot. Living in the moment and just being there is what mattered the most at that time and I loved that you made such a distinction with that. Moments of course with Fred and George being together just makes my heart tighten up but I thought you did something very nice here. It wasn't so much sad as it was brotherly and loving and I could have just read that for the rest of the day. What's sad, aside from Fred dying of course is the fact that his idea of dying was so different from how it really was. But that's what's shocking about death and he sort of said the same thing himself at some point! D':
The last little bit with Percy and that night just sort of made me sooo depressed. I hate reading about Fred dying! Which is why I've NEVER written it, btw. Hahhaa. I sort of have to read the next chapter immediately. So, expect me again. Hahahha.
Great peace of work and I have nothing to say about pacing or grammar or any of that boring stuff.
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: GABBIE ♥

Arrgh, so it's taken me like nearly a month to respond to your reviews. I'M SO SORRY :( I am a bad proctrastinator and I have no other excuse for being so tardy with my responses. And THANK YOU SO MUCH OMG for all your wonderful reviews.

And yes, the twinsies. FEEELS MORE FEELS LIKE EELS. Maybe not eels. But gah, yes, again, POOR FRED POOR GEORGE POOR TWINSIES. I was trying to convey a different sort of mood here, one that is less grief-laden than the previous chapter.

It's actually been quite a while ago since I wrote this chapter. I dunno...I feel there's something wrong with it...it seems overly descriptive in the wrong areas, and the twins' relationship to each other seem a little...stilted and forced. I'm actually thinking of cutting out a lot of stuff and rewriting this entire chapter. And moving it further down the story as well :D

Thank you for your lovely compliments! YOU;RE TOO KIND GABBIE. I'm off to answer your next lovely review!

♥ teh


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Review #23, by Roots in Water fred

22nd January 2013:
Hello again!

This was certainly a different, yet great follow-up to the first chapter. It was interesting to see Fred's perspective after he died, especially how he sees himself as wedged between consciousness and oblivion. I wonder how he'll interact with the greater world, or if he will at all.

His perspective on death was very interesting, particularly because he, like just about everyone else, never planned on dying, never thought that he would die until he was old. Even though there was a war going on, he'd assumed he'd live through it because how else can you get through it?

The moment in the field was very interesting because of this, because it was a moment where they could have discussed dying but didn't. I was a little surprised, though, that the bludger didn't injure him more. From the description in the story, I thought that a bludger to the face would have resulted in head trauma (or something along those lines, something that could not be healed by "episkey").

As well, I did find it a little surprising that they used/had invented such a Dark-seeming spell. Their pranks had always seemed more light-hearted and while I knew/had assumed that they weren't gentle with their enemies, I hadn't thought that they were already capable of using those sorts of spells. Of course, the actual spell mightn't have been gruesome, just its appearance.

Fred's comments about his death were really interesting and I really liked the style you used in describing the moment of his death. The spacing really helped to give the impression that he was drifting away from body (at least, that's the impression I got from the scene). His frustration about his "death in a punch line" was fitting. He died participating in an activity that he loved to do but it certainly wasn't how he would want to go (if you say exactly how you'd like to go). The joke, as he said, wasn't that funny...

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter and I'm very interested to see where you'll take this story. Will Fred and George somehow interact? Will this be a story of how they both come to terms with their individual situations? Great work! :D

Author's Response: Roots! Oh, first of all, I'm very very very sorry for taking ONE WHOLE MONTH to respond to your amazing review. And I haven't even answered your other one on my Creevey oneshot :( No excuses from me here, just procrastinating and stuff.sorry :(

But, thank you so much for these lovely surprise reviews! I'm so grateful and flattered that you actually came back to read on! It means a great deal to me.

This chapter...it's been quite some time since I wrote it, and now it's starting to sound a little off, when I reread. There's something not quite right about Fred's voice, there are heavy descriptions in the wrong areas, and the twins' relationship seem a little jarring. I intend to go back and fix this chapter completely. Rewrite. And then I'm going to move it down the story, because it's in the wrong place. I just realised this as i was planning out further chapters.

Baha! I'm so glad you picked out all those things from the chapter, the Episkey bit and the Dark-seeming spell used by the twins. I'm not the best at canon and I'm always incredibly grateful to reviewers who point out whenever the stuff I write is incompatible with canon. I will have to go back and change things around. I'm trying to give this story a slightly darker tone and atmosphere...hence the use of that spell.

Yeah, the formatting and spacing was meant to show some sort of disembodying process. Fred will pretty much lose everything with death. As for whether the twins will interact...well, they're both separated quite cleanly, at least for now. If they do interact I'm not going to make it easy for them :P Because I'm mean like that baha!

Anyway, thanks sososo very much for this lovely review! I'm currently writing Chapter 4 and I do hope you continue to read this story! your feedback has been just wonderful :D

Cheers!

-teh


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Review #24, by adluvshp to grieve

17th January 2013:
Review tag.

This was very very heartbreaking. I actually really liked your writing style - it was very effective to express George's feelings. The disorientation, the desperation, it became all evident in your writing style itself. The scenes were very touching too, especially when George turns into Fred by taking the Polyjuice. I felt so sorry for him throughout. You've portrayed his grief very well. The ending again broke my heart, what with the writing on his headstone.

All in all, a brilliantly written chapter. I almost cried. Great job!

10/10
~AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for your lovely words, Aditi! I'm really really flattered that you like the style of this; it can't have been the easiest chapter to get through because I imagine it must've been pretty dense! You've pretty much got George's state of mind - disorientation, disbelief and everything.

I'm so so happy that you thought this chapter good! Thanks for reading and reviewing all three chapters of this story! I will be updating soon :)

-teh


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Review #25, by adluvshp fred

14th January 2013:
Review tag!

Oh dear, this was another heartbreaking chapter. I liked your concept of Fred's POV, it was quite surreal. Your descriptions were really good and elaborate. The ending was so powerful and impacting. I liked the "memories" of Fred too - of the whole cannonball incident - it was well-written, and was a nice touch to the narrative.

The pace, flow, grammar, and entire concept of the chapter was nicely done. This was a heartbreaking read and it struck such a chord.

Great work!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hello again AD :)

Glad you liked this chapter as well. Fred's POV is certainly a shade harder to capture compared to George's! This chapter is in dire need of a rewrite bahaha! And I will get down to doing that plus writing the fourth chapter in the next month or so.

I'm glad you felt something for this! Thank you so much for your review :)

-teh


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