62 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Secret Santa Nighttime Wanderings

19th December 2013:

Ooh, this was such an intriguing chapter! I'm really curious as to why Zajecfer is losing all his hair and has blood-red eyes? Is it because he's also using Horcruxes? Hmm...

But they use the Invisibility Cloak for the first time! I loved Al's excitement, it was so sweet! And poor Rose, being all motherly and Al getting annoyed at her, ahaha! And David's love of fudge is definitely something I can relate to!

The house elves were adorable! I could just imagine them basically bombarding them with food! :p When they let without the cupcakes, I wanted to smack them because they'd forgotten about it but it seems like Rose had that handled, ahaha!

And I love the name of the cat! It's extremely fitting, ahahaha!

Anyway, this was a very good chapter! I can't wait for all the action to start!!

- Secret Santa :D

Author's Response: Interesting speculation. Zajecfer's appearance is intriguing.

Rose would obviously be very nervous about David and Albus sneaking around at night, so she gets angry when she finds they have to go back out AGAIN. She's good in her heart though. Besides, I do think Albus and David need someone to keep them in check.

I love house-elves. I have a little LEGO Dobby who I love very much. If I attended Hogwarts, I would visit the kitchens frequently.

Thank you for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #27, by Secret Santa The Weasley Gathering

19th December 2013:

Hello again!

This was such a lovely chapter, even though they had to be away from (most of) their families! I loved all the interactions between the cousins, it was so sweet!

I actually loved Lucy and Molly, ahaha! I thought they were so cute getting excited over the homework planner and the prefect books! But of course Percy would get Al and James prefect books, that seems so typical of him! ;D

Anyway, I loved their plan for Art's birthday, that's just so kind of them and Al is already planning on using his father's cloak! Truly his father's son, ehehe!

Even though James can be a bit of a bully (all older brothers are, thank goodness I never had one :p), I quite like him as a character. He's got great charisma and he always puts a smile on my face when I read about him. :p

Although, I have to say, I definitely side with David. Fudge is so much better than mint chocolate. I know that wasn't the argument but I thought I'd supply my opinion, ahaha!

Oh god, I loved the quote 'Their dad once jokingly said that James had a head inflated as much as Gilderoy Lockhart.' Brilliant line!

This was another fantastic chapter! I'll be back... >:)

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: Lucy and Molly are cute. They are slightly different, but both rather similar in nature. And I don't think Percy cares that Albus and James are only first and second years, he'd probably instruct them to prepare for being a prefect now!

James puts a smile on my fast most of them time. Some people sees him as annoying, while other people see him as funny.

Hmm, I like fudge and mint chocolate... I'd say fudge is better though.

I'm glad you liked this chapter!

 Report Review

Review #28, by Secret Santa Christmas

17th December 2013:

This chapter is very fitting for this time of year, isn't it? :p

I love the idea of turning leaves into mistletoe! That's such a great and unique idea! And so festive! Who would've guessed that Dire thought of that idea? :p

And that IS rubbish that they had to stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas season! But go Rose for working it out! Definitely her mother's daughter! ;)

Oh I loved how you made Art good at art. That's just so fitting! And what a sweet present! It's so thoughtful and kind! Bless his soul! :')

I'm excited for actually properly seeing all the cousins in the next chapter! I can't wait to see how they all interact!

Another great chapter! It was so heartwarming! Especially with all the presents! :')

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: Christmas is exciting. Dire may be strict, but he isn't utterly evil. And I wanted them to do things in classes to reflect the time of year, and this was a good idea!

Hogwarts isn't a bad place to spend Christmas, but I'd rather spend it with family. Of course, with those with not really a place to go, I'm sure they were relieved.

Art is good at art. *laughs* I didn't even realize that until I was writing the chapter and was like "Wait a minute..."

Art is as sweet and kind as you can get. The sorting hat did actually consider him for Hufflepuff.

I love presents too. :)

Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #29, by Secret Santa Hufflepuff VS Gryffindor

17th December 2013:

Oh how I love reading about Quidditch! I absolutely loved this chapter!

The way you wrote the whole chapter basically had me on the edge of my metaphorical seat (I'm all snuggled in bed at the moment, hehe) because I just wanted them to win so bad! It sucks that they didn't win but I'm sure they can pull through!

Although, I did love the 'Hufflepuff was too good' part. Damn right they are ;)

This was another brilliant chapter, you're a very talented author!

- Secret Santa :D

Author's Response: I'm jealous of you for being all snuggled up! Nothing like a cozy bed. :)

I figured everyone would assume that Gryffindor would win, so I had Hufflepuff win to throw them off, and also because Hufflepuff is amazing.

Thank you for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #30, by Secret Santa Rose Gets Detention

17th December 2013:

Oh, poor Al! He was being worked down to the bone! He's only a little boy; leave him alone, Chris! :p

hahahaha, GO ROXANNE! Teach those silly boys a lesson! :p

Oh my god, the mail is getting watched! That's not a good sign at all! It reminds me of Umbridge's terrible reign. *shudder*

And aw bless Rose! She threw herself under the bus for Al (metaphorically of course :p)! And I couldn't stop laughing at Rose not leaving Al alone! I could just imagine her always hiding behind a curtain or tapestry and doing commando rolls around Hogwarts, hahahaha!

I love the way Al stuck up to the Slytherins, it really reminded me of Harry when he was always so sassy to the meanies, hahahaha!

I love how nearly all of this reminds me of the series but not so overwhelming that it's practically a rewrite. It's new and different but still reminds me of why I loved the series so much.

This is just a brilliant story! Once I'm revealed (that sounds so mysterious, hehe!) I'm definitely favouriting and continuing to read on and wait for updates!

Great job! 10/10!

Author's Response: Chris isn't as bad as Oliver, which is good. I think Oliver was mentally insane.

My version of Roxanne is amazing. I love her as well. :)

Ugh, never mention Umbridge around me, because I hate her so much. I dislike Umbridge even more than Voldemort.

I could see Rose doing that as well. *laughs*

Oh, thanks! I wanted it to be different from Harry's year, but not too different, as some people change it so much it doesn't feel like the wizarding world anymore.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I really only expected you to review the first chapter, and it is lovely that you have kept continuing!

 Report Review

Review #31, by Secret Santa The Mysterious Man

17th December 2013:



IT'S BEGUN. I nearly forgot about Zac and the other guy, I was too invested in Al's first year! THIS IS SO SCARY!

I hope Flitwick is okay, though! He doesn't deserve that!

On a brighter note, however, YAY AL GOT ON THE TEAM! I'm kind of glad that you made him a reserve player as I feel like it would be very unrealistic for both him and Harry to get on the team (as main players) but I really wanted him to be on the team.

I also have a feeling Rose and David are going to be like Ron and Hermione, ehehehe. Ah, childhood love! ♥

And bless, Al! He wants to be like his dad so he won't tell him! BUT HE SHOULD! Harry can deal with this! Al, I know you want to prove yourself but THIS IS DANGEROUS STUFF. DON'T DO IT, AL!

(He'll do it anyway, won't he? :p)

Anyway, this was another great chapter! I'll keep reading! :D

- Secret Santa :D

Author's Response: I was a little uncertain on where to place Albus on the Quidditch team, so what I did, I think, was good.

Well, if Albus told his dad, this story would have absolutely no plot whatsoever!

(Also, later he might want to, but he'll be kind of prevented)

Thank you so much for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #32, by Secret Santa Flying

17th December 2013:

Sorry about the delay, I hadn't realised it'd been a few days since I last reviewed!

Anyway, I loved this chapter! I love reading about Quidditch so much and you've written it really well! :)

I loved the little meeting between Al, Rose, David, Art and Hagrid! It was so sweet! And you got Hagrid's dialogue spot on! That's such a hard feat to achieve and you did it spectacularly!

Oh, poor Al! It must sometimes suck being Harry Potter's son and the poor little guy must feel so pressured! I felt so sorry for him! Hopefully he gets on the team for his own talent, not his last name, though!

This was a lovely chapter, again! I can't wait to read on!

- Secret Santa :)

Author's Response: I love writing about Christmas. Some people may find it unnecessary, but I don't think Hogwarts would be Hogwarts without Quidditch!

I'm glad you think that Hagrid's dialouge was right! When I was writing that part, I had the Harry Potter books out with Hagrid sections tabbed, and I stopped about every other word. Glad to hear the time taken was worth it!

Being the son of Harry Potter is very pressuring. I feel sorry for him myself.

I'm glad you like the chapter!

 Report Review

Review #33, by Secret Santa Professor Dire

15th December 2013:

Hello again! This was another brilliant chapter! I love the way you write Albus, it's really well done!

Aw, I loved how excited Art got at all the magic stuff, I know I would be the same! It's just so sweet, I'm imagining him walking around constantly gaping and gasping, haha!

And Peeves! YAY! He's brilliant, haha! Peeves is probably one of my favourite characters and you've written him so well! :D

But the poor kids! Getting splattered with ink on your first day doesn't sound fun! D:

I love all the teachers you've written, they all seem very intriguing! And I have a feeling Dire is going to be like Snape - seems like the bad guy but is really trying to protect Albus. Maybe Selwyn is the baddie? Like Quirrel?

Oh and the letter from Harry! I have never laughed harder! The 'I am certain you are gasping this very second.' and then following with Albus scowling just made me laugh so hard, hahaha.

Anyway, this was another wonderful chapter! I'll 'see' you soon! ;)


- Secret Santa :)

Author's Response: I would feel the same exact way as Art! Magic is brilliant, isn't it?

I'm glad you like my Peeves. :) It wouldn't be Hogwarts without him!

I'm really glad you liked my chapter! Happy holidays!

 Report Review

Review #34, by Secret Santa Galleons, Books, Wands, and Jokes

13th December 2013:

Hey! I decided to review this quicker because I just realised how fast Christmas is! I was going to have a plan and review one chapter a day and then I looked at my calendar and there's only eleven days left! :p

Anyway, this was a sweet chapter! I liked the flashback and seeing the whole Potter family interact. I thought Lily was just adorable! Especially with the chocolate chips, it's just so innocent and sweet! :'D

Also, elder wood? Very interesting. I have a feeling that's going to be a major plot point! And phoenix feather - just like his father! Bless :')

This was a really sweet chapter, it really makes the readers realise how close the Potter family are and I'm guessing that's going to be extremely important because of the evil men in chapter one?

Anywho, again, I really liked this chapter! So far, it's definitely one of my favourites!

- Secret Santa :)

Author's Response: Only 11 days left?! That is terrifying. I've only been feeling Christmas-y for a few days!

I really wanted some way to include their trip to Diagon Alley, but I wanted to start right where the epilogue left off, so I decided this was the best way to do it.

I like the chocolate chips too. When I was Lily, I would have had the same exact reaction.

Elder wood is cool. According to Pottermore, it is the rarest wood type. Mysterious!

The Potter family is good and close: one thing Harry didn't have. But now he does, so that is good.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I proclaim you a wonderful Santa!

 Report Review

Review #35, by Secret Santa The Feast

13th December 2013:

Hello again!

YAY, ALBUS IS IN GRYFFINDOR! The poor little guy had me worried that he'd end up hating his Hogwarts life! :p But I kinda feel like that the Sorting Hat was just messing around with him, trying to get him even more worried, hehehe! And poor Albus, falling off the stool! At least he wasn't too humiliated, ahaha!

I absolutely loved the Feast scene! It reminded me so much of Philosopher's Stone but not in a bad way, it was just so brilliant. I was grinning like a madman the whole time when I was reading it!

And the new characters seem interesting! They seem like a good bunch of mates for Albus to have!

I loved Al's confusion that Muggle pictures don't move - if only :p - it really reminded me of how flummoxed Ron was when Harry told him, haha!

Oh, and cheeky James. Nicking things from Harry's desk! I love how you made Harry edit the Map, I'd never thought of that! But it's a smart idea!

Anyway, this was a great chapter! I can't wait to read on!

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: Well, the sorting hat wasn't messing around with him, it genuinely was a difficult decision... as it should be. If he was in Slytherin, Albus would be very different.

Grinning is good. :)

Albus does have some pretty awesome new friends.

I tried thinking about Albus's reaction if he has seen pictures all his life that move, and then encounters one that doesn't. It is almost exactly the same as our reactions to moving pictures, except the situation is reversed!

Well, the map is out of date now, isn't it? It had to be edited to still be useful.

Thanks for the amazing review!

 Report Review

Review #36, by Secret Santa The Extraordinary Arrival

12th December 2013:

(I'm going to start all my reviews like that now, hehe)

Hello again! I'm back!

This chapter was so good! You got to see Albus' personality really shine through and I love that you've made him similar to Harry when he was going through this. It really made me smile and feel all nostalgic :p

I also like Rose, she seems really sweet! And James is a little troublemaker, isn't he? But he seems harmless. And it's typical older brother-like that he antagonises his younger brother :p

Also, I LOVE the Sorting Hat's song! Did you make that up yourself? It's absolutely brilliant! I really enjoyed it! I have this weird thing that whenever I see a song in a book or fanfiction, I have to sing it and I sung along as usual and it just worked so well! Kudos!

I'm so curious as to whether Albus is a Slytherin or not?! I guess I'll just have to read on ;)

Anyway, this was another really good chapter! I love your style of writing as well as the plot and characters!


- Secret Santa! ;)

Author's Response: Merry Christmas to you too!

Albus is similar to Harry in some ways. Different in others, but certainly similar in this aspect.

Thanks! I did write it. One day, I just took a piece of looseleaf and wrote the song. I'm glad you like it, since I'm not the best poet.

Thank you for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #37, by MargaretLane The Restricted Section

12th December 2013:
Great to see this up. Since the beginning of the month, I've been checking almost daily to see if it was. Looking forward to finding out what'll happen here.

Like the silent pellets. They could be useful.

Stomach flu is kind of an American term. I'm not even 100% sure exactly what it is. Something like the Winter Vomiting Bug or some kind of stomach bug, from what I can figure out.

Quiz too is very much an American term in that context. To me, a quiz is a game. I guess in a way, they are like a test, in that you answer questions and win by getting more right, but it isn't what you'd call a test at school.

*grins* When you first mentioned Madame Pince coming around and putting on the protective charms, I wondered if Rose and Albus were planning to spend the night there and have Art and David return in the morning with the Invisibility Cloak to sneak them out.

*laughs at "we haven't learnt those spells yet. We're first years"*

Remaining in the library all night would NOT be pleasant.

And I can quite understand why Albus would find it frustrating to have the book to hand and not be able to read it.

Really like the way Albus doubts David and Art. I've read a lot of fanfictions where the characters seem to completely trust people they've only known a matter of days or weeks (in at least one case I think it was hours) and never appear to question if this is wise. So it's good to see Albus doubt himself on that one.

Yikes, losing the Cloak is one thing I REALLY didn't expect. That'll put them in much greater danger from Zajecfer.

Author's Response: I thought that George definitely would have come out with more products, so I decided to add in silent pellets. I made that up on the fly, but I still think they are pretty cool.

Really? Stomach flu is an American term? I never knew that.

I guess I knew somewhere deep in my head that Quiz is an American term, I just forgot while writing this. To me, Quiz is basically a small test, but it can be school-related.

Thanks for correcting me on those two. You may not be British, but you certainly know the terms a lot better than I do.

Yeah, the plan wasn't super secretive, I just wanted to make the reader guess. And you guessed correctly. Actually, in the original draft, in chapter 17 I had Rose explaining the plan, but I decided it would be more fun for the reader to see it for themselves.

I've experienced the same exactly. Or more, there's a book I really, really want to read sitting across from me, but I have to get something done before I can sit and read it.

Yeah, it seems like in a lot of fics with first years, they make new friends and then confide in them with EVERYTHING. It's a bit unrealistic. Plus, I want Albus to be a little more flawed. A flawed hero.

Well, something had to go wrong with their plan, didn't it? So I decided to have them loose the cloak. There are other reasons for that as well.

Thank you for reviewing!!!

 Report Review

Review #38, by Secret Santa The Rising Wizard

11th December 2013:

Hey there! I'm your Hufflepuff Secret Santa! :D


You're extremely good a drawing the mystery out and this was a brilliant first chapter. I think it's great how you've shown what these men are capable of so you've already instilled this fear in the audience and I'm excited to read on to see what they do. Let's hope it doesn't involve massacring anymore innocent children, though! :(

Anyway, this was an amazing first chapter. I can't wait to read on!


- Secret Santa! ;)

Author's Response: HUFFLEPUFF RULES!

Sorry, that just had to be said. :)

Zac and "the other guy" are intriguing. Unfortunately, you won't find out for a while. Sorry!

Thanks you for reviewing! You just made my day. :)

 Report Review

Review #39, by MargaretLane Research Discoveries

2nd November 2013:
*grins* You would give Hufflepuff a victory, wouldn't you? It's good to see them getting a victory or two, since they're so often dismissed.

I think you've left out a word when you've written "Gryffindor had always gotten along well Hufflepuff." It should be "with Hufflepuff."

I like the rivalry there. It makes sense that there would be other rivalries other than just Gryffindor/Slytherin and it shows Hufflepuff being taken seriously.

LOVE the comment about Albus always procrastinating and just doing the homework due the next day. It gives an indication of his personality.

1966. Interesting.

"After his departure FROM Hogwarts" would probably sound better than "after his departure of Hogwarts." And "meddled around" sounds a bit informal for what appears to be a textbook. Something like "he began his experimentation with" might sound better.

This is really interesting though. Firstly, it's a dark potion. That indicates there's more to it than just opening the door to a secret chamber. Although, it's just hit me the association with Slytherin makes perfect sense, if he really was entering an office Slytherin added to the school. I do wonder why the potion is considered a dark one though. It doesn't sound as if it's just because it was created by Slytherin.

I was going to say that really doesn't help them at all, as all it really tells them is what they already knew. It doesn't tell them what the potion does or anything else about it really, except implying it's dodgy. Then I noticed the attribution at the end. If they can get hold of that book, they'll get all the info they need. But that won't be easy.

I'm also wondering why so many wizards used that potion and wanted it to be invisible so badly. That kind of argues against my theory that it opens a secret office Slytherin created in Hogwarts, since it's unlikely they'd all know about that. And Grindlewald didn't even attend Hogwarts. Plus a potion that opens one office would hardly be as useful as Avada Kedavra. But of course, it may open any hideout or something. Or there could be something in Slytherin's office that would be useful to Dark Wizards. He could well have left books on dark magic there or powerful objects or something.

*stares at Rose wanting to make the potion* I'm really not sure that's a good idea, but I do see her point. It's the best lead they have and one way of figuring out what's going on. And I guess when you are trying to prevent a murder, you do what you have to. It's kind of funny though, that Rose wants to make a dark potion and David doesn't. I'd have expected it to be the other way around.

I wonder if this is an indication of something to do with David. Usually he seems to be up for anything, so maybe his reluctance to get involved with anything to do with dark magic might indicate his family were affected by dark magic or something. Maybe he'd a grandparent or something that was killed or tortured by Voldemort or locked in one of the camps. One of his grandparents could have been Muggleborn. Or maybe he's just like James and just feels very strongly about hating the Dark Arts. I guess there doesn't HAVE to be a significant reason. Or like Sirius, he could have members of his family involved in the Dark Arts, maybe somebody was jailed for it or something and he doesn't want to be like them. *ponders*

This is a bit confusing: "Fred and Louis are both jerks and Louis isn't as much." It sounds like one of the "Louises" should be "James".

I'm looking forward to finding out Rose's plan.

Author's Response: Hufflepuff is often dismissed. *sighs* Hopefully Albus will see that as well someday, even though he is a Gryffindor.

Gryffindor and Slytherin are intense in their rivalries, but I think they should have healthy rivals in other houses as well.

Good suggestions on the wording for the textbooks. I've never tried to write any formal subjects like in encyclopedias or textbooks, so it is rather difficult.

The potion is considered dark since it is technically a poison. That doesn't seem like a very good potion.

The reason many wizards want the potion (without the red steam) is so they could get it to wizards with defenses and who are prepared for death attempts, and maybe even a bit paranoid. Think about Mad-Eye Moody. He had so many defenses, I doubt anybody even knew where he lived. So they couldn't just go and attack him. But, if death eaters could deliver a poison to him via owl-messaging, it would then be in his hands. No doubt Moody would then proceed to check it out and destroy it, because it is probably dangerous. But the posion will not be revealed through revealing spells, or dark detectors like sneakoscopes (the textbook didn't mention that part, but it is true) and no matter what type of tests Moody put it to, the result would come out clean. That is a HUGE advantage for dark wizards.

David is like James (Harry's father) in the way how he likes jokes and stuff but strongly opposes dark magic.

Not that you point it out, that wording about Fred and Louis was a bit weird. What I was trying to say is that Fred and Louis are both jerks, but Louis isn't as much as a jerk as Fred is. Hopefully that clears the confusion; I need to go back and change that.

I really like hearing all your theories. It helps me figure out what I need to clarify on, if I'm guiding you along the path I want you to be, and if I'm revealing too much or too little. Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #40, by MargaretLane Light and Dark

5th September 2013:
*cracks up* The chapter I am currently working on begins with a line about the amount of Quidditch practice Albus has as well. AND they're preparing to play Slytherin.

One thing, you've written "finally, on the second Saturday in February, was the day of the match". It should be either "finally, the second Saturday in February was the day of the match" or something like "finally, on the second Saturday in February, the match took place."

Love Albus' comment to Hagrid. You can really hear how he says it.

*cheers for Hufflepuff not booing* That sounds like them.

Louis's commentary is a little biased, isn't it? *laughs* If McGonagall was there, she'd have something to say.

Also love that little detail about the broom makers deliberately making the brooms so they need to be fixed professionally in order to make money.

*grins* I was expecting Gryffindor to win the match, though I was doubtful for a few moments when that Bludger came at Albus.

Oh, James says "we would OF won anyway," when it should be either "we would HAVE won" or "we WOULD'VE won."

I was waiting for something bad to happen, after they won the match. And of course, it's right at the end, just when everybody was happy. *laughs*

And yikes, she checked every single copy of the Daily Prophet? No wonder she was spending so much time in the library.

Author's Response: Some of the similarities between our stories is weird. Sometimes, you'd add something in one of your chapters that I'd be planning for one of mine.

You have a good eye! I'm impressed that you manage to catch things like that!

I think Hufflepuff is rooting for Gryffindor, so their cheering is for them, but they think it is rude to boo.

It is very true, that companies make sure they don't allow you to fix the things if they want you to send it back to be repaired. I've had stuff like that happen to me.

I got in the nasty habit when I was younger of saying "of" instead of "have". I didn't even notice until I started writing.

I didn't add in how much time Rose spent in the library, because Albus didn't know because he was at Quidditch so often. But on an average school day, Rose got up at 6:00 am to research in the library for a few hours. Then, during lunch, she would eat her food really quickly and then look in the library for a little bit. After classes, she would do her homework really quick (she writes very fast) and then go to the library for the rest of the afternoon and evening, leaving only a brief break for dinner. On weekends, she was there practically all day.

It's no wonder Art was getting concerned.

So yes, she was able to check all the Daily Prophets. Art and David helped too, but they like a little relaxation time, and they both like to sleep in.

Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #41, by MargaretLane Streamers and Newspapers

7th August 2013:
*laughs* One thing both our versions of Rose have in common is bossiness.

I actually did laugh out loud at David claiming Albus had just imagined Rose yelling at him. It's even more ridiculous when he is doing exactly what she is supposed to have said.

*laughs at James* He reminds me a bit of my brother whenever we have a chocolate cake. He complains he doesn't like chocolate and that eating it is a chore, but still always eats it.

I'd actually like to see more of Dominique in your story. She sounds a bit of an interesting character. But I guess there are 6 and a half stories to go, so plenty of time.

Hmm, David's "probably not" intrigues me. I mean, yeah, most people wouldn't want to write to a complete stranger asking for something, but David strikes me as somebody who'd be an exception to that rule. He seems to have plenty of cheek. Plus I feel the fact you brought it up is relevant. *ponders* I don't see what it CAN mean, but I've a feeling there's SOMETHING.

*laughs* Funny to think of Albus being more excited by school presents than Rose is. I like it though. After all, she can't be excited by every subject. Nobody is, except maybe Hermione, and even she wasn't interested in Divination.

I also like the fact Albus isn't too good at Defence Against the Dark Arts, since more stories seem to have that as his best subject. I don't think I've ever seen an Albus who was good at Potions, but not Defence before. I like characters to have strong and weak points, rather than everybody either being good at all subjects or bad at them all or good at all aspects of a subject or bad at all.

Fuchs seems nice.

I would like to see more of the teachers in this. Apart from Dire, I'm not too familiar with them. I've had to look back over the chapter they're introduced a few times to figure out who taught a particular subject or something.

Fawley sounds nice too. Albus isn't doing too badly as regards teachers.

Author's Response: Why do I get distracted so easily? Right after I recieved your latest PM, I started reading the story you recommended, Albus Potter and the Global Revelation. I've been reading that for the past few days, all the way through what's up of book four, instead of doing useful things. Oh well, at least I'm here now.

I think a lot of people have Rose be smart and bossy. She inherited a bit of a bad temper from her parents as well. Poor David. Rose hates him for being so annoying.

I love chocolate. My mom loves chocolate as well, I inherited that from her. We're both crazy about chocolate. The more chocolate, the better. My brother, on the other hand, is a vanilla person. I don't get him at all.

Dominique is an interesting character. Very interesting. She is in a family of heroic Weasleys, with a stunningly beautiful mother, and a cool dad. Her sister Victoire is beautiful, smart, Head Girl, and she has a steady boyfriend. Her brother, Louis, is cool and funny, and a likeable person by all. This all has an effect on Dominique's character.

David is very confident and comfortable around people he knows. When meeting strangers, however, he is nervous and wary. The reason this wasn't showed during the feast, however, was because David was so eager and excited he temporarily forgot to be nervous. You may find more about David's personality later. He is a very complex character, although it doesn't really seem like it.

Rose is good at subjects like Charms and Transfiguration. Potions? Not so much. She is still a wonderful student in all of her classes, she just likes Charms the most. And Albus is top of the class in potions (Very far ahead, Albus is an expert at Potions) so naturally, he would be much more excited about all the potion things than Rose.

I wanted Albus to be good at Potions because I like Potions. Or, I would, if I went to Hogwarts.

Albus isn't particularly bad at Defense, he's just bad at any subject that requires spell-casting. He's perfectly fine at the practical part, as well. Albus is rather bad at pronunciation, so he has trouble casting the spells. And once he says the words properly, he casts the spells perfectly. Don't worry, Albus will find his way around this obstacle eventually.

Good suggestion. I really should mention more teachers. I guess it's because they're not very interesting, and what's happening in Albus's outside life is much more exciting. I think I'll try to include more classes in the future.

Thanks for the review, and especially for the suggestion!

 Report Review

Review #42, by MargaretLane Research Time

28th June 2013:
At the start of the chapter, Rose says "you willing agreed". It should probably be "willingly".

*grins at her not having 1st years in the library very often* That makes sense as they would probably only be studying very basic magic and would have all the info in their textbooks.

"Daily Prophet" should have a capital "D" and "P" as it's a title and should also probably be in italics or underlined.

You've written "way to hard" when it should be "way too hard".

*laughs at the thought of Albus giving James a Babbling Beverage* Love your references to various potions.

*laughs at the books attacking them*

I'm with Rose here. NO such thing as too many books.

*cracks up at even Al not thinking David brilliant* I sort of think he's going to turn out to be smarter than they think though. I could imagine him being like the Weasley twins or having flashes of brilliance that are obscured by his totally inability to take things seriously.

The research they're doing in this chapter and the way nobody except Rose actually wants to reminds me of when Albus and Rose were looking for names of students whose parents or other family members might have been at school with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Author's Response: Since I love potions, I had a great time coming up with a love the different potions and what they do.

I loved writing about them getting attacked by books. I love torturing my characters. Unfortunately, I don't get to torture them very often in this book, but I can't wait for the later ones where I get to torture Albus endlessly.

David is a very interesting character. The part you usually see is when he is joking around. But there is another, hidden part to him as well. You won't see this in full force until the second book though.

But you are right, he can be smart when he wants to.

It is so funny about all the coincidences our Albus's have. I usually don't even notice them until you point them out!

Thanks for reviewing, and pointing out the mistakes I made!

 Report Review

Review #43, by MargaretLane Birthday Discussions

31st May 2013:
Yay, new chapter up.

*laughs at David being proud of his idiocy*

And that's interesting about magic circles, that they were actually used by witches and wizards in the past, I mean. I wonder if they'll end up being significant or if that's just a throwaway comment. I suspect the latter, since as Albus said, Zajecfer didn't pour the potion in the shape of a circle or anything and I very much doubt they'd anything to do with his disappearance. But it's possible you're doing a JK Rowling on it and they'll be relevant in some other way later on.

There should be a comma before after "I think Rose was talking about how Zajecfer might have turned invisible" and not a full stop, as "Art whispered" is still part of the same sentence.

I don't really think Zajecfer disappeared off Hogwarts' grounds. I don't think he just became invisible either. I think he disappeared to somewhere else ON Hogwarts' grounds. Especially since, in the first chapter, the older wizard talked about "when you finally leave Hogwarts" (or words to that effect), which kind of implies he's AT Hogwarts now. Scary thought, but however.

I think David is absolutely right. I didn't think of the entrance being invisible to everybody other than the person who poured the potion, but that would makes sense. I thought it might just have been so small he could slip through it or it might be like the barrier on Platform 9 and 3/4s and the potion made it possible for him to simply walk through a wall.

Rose's suggestion about the potion making everything within a few feet invisible is good too, but I don't think it's right.

*pokes Rose* Regardless of who's right here (and I think David is), he is definitely not being an idiot. It's a valid theory. I think she just doesn't like the suggestion that anybody could challenge HER theory, especially David, who she doesn't seem to have much belief in.

The Daily Prophet should have a capital "D" and "P" as it's a title.

Yikes, it'll take them forever, if they have to read the description of every potion mentioned in the library books.

Nor would I necessarily assume Zajecfer must have done something bad enough to be in the Daily Prophet. He could be only starting his campaign or he could be in them under his original name, but it's definitely worth a try.

It would probably be better to make "We know you’re not interested in the dark arts, if you were you’d be in Slytherin, not Gryffindor" into two sentences. "We know you're not interested in the dark arts. If you were, you'd be in Slytherin, not Gryffindor."

I don't know if that's necessarily true anyway, since Peter was in Gryffindor, though of course, there's no real evidence he'd any interest in the dark arts. He may simply have been to scared to oppose Voldemort. Though that's not very Gryffindor either.

Oh, and in the 4th last line, you've spelled "lose" as "loose".

Oh, I'm looking forward to seeing what they find out when they start researching.

Really good chapter. Sounds like things are about to get even more interesting.

Author's Response: About half of the conversations they have turn up in later books, and about half of them don't. It's actually quite funny to myself, since I know what it all means and it's importance, but nobody else does. *evil laugh*

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes. Most of it is habits that I gained when I was younger, and I'm trying to break them.

Rose is a very stubborn girl. She does raise some interesting points, though.

About the whole Slytherin being evil thing- keep in mind, Rose and Albus were raised by a very bias family. I believe Harry wasn't as bad, because of Snape, but the rest of their aunts and uncles put into their head that Slytherins are evil.

Thanks so much for reviewing! And I love your opinions!

 Report Review

Review #44, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Nighttime Wanderings

13th May 2013:
Dun dun DUN!! This was a very interesting and suspenseful chapter, dear!! It started out just an "oh I hope they don't get into trouble" kind of suspense, but then when Lord Zajecfer appeared I was really getting terrified. What struck me the most about his disappearing was that he did it INSIDE Hogwarts, which is pretty much supposed to be impossible... I certainly hope he's not planning something much worse than what he did to poor Flitwick, but I have a bad feeling.

And can I just say that I ADORE that you named Filch's new cat Umbridge? I thought that was hilarious!! It certainly makes sense, Filch really loved that woman!

Everything flowed nicely here, and the description was amazing. Well done! 10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for dropping by!!

Thanks so much for complimenting my suspense! I really like making those scenes all scary and dramatic.

There are many different theories of what really happened. Akbus is actually going to discuss the different theroies- once I put it up, that is.

I had a tough time coming up with Filch's cat's new name, when Umbridge popped into my head.

Thank you so much for this generous review!

 Report Review

Review #45, by slytherinchica08 The Rising Wizard

1st May 2013:
I think this first chapter shows a lot of promise for this story. Youve got two very interesting and dark wizards that start off this story and they create interest and questions for the readers. Both are good to have in opening chapters, or any chapter for that matter,they draw readers in and make us wonder whats going to happen and want to continue reading. I like that we dont really know who these dark wizards are and i think youve done a good job of creating seperate personalities for them. I also like having this as the beginning chapter. It creates interest, gives the reader an idea of where this story might go,and already sets up a bit of mystery as to who these men are. This story has plenty of potential and peaked my interest. Great job!


Author's Response: Thank you so much!

That was one of the main reasons I created that chapter in the first place. The rest of the story has sort of a slow start, so I wanted to make the first chapter action filled and mysterious to hook the reader.

Good to see it is working! And thank you so much for this generous review!

 Report Review

Review #46, by MargaretLane Nighttime Wanderings

1st May 2013:
Hmm, the beginning of this chapter and its title are rather ominous. I know they are just going to prepare Art's party but dodgy things happen when students wander Hogwarts by themselves.

Love the idea of a product that makes your footsteps silent. It's exactly the kind of thing George would come up with. Very helpful for pranks.

Love the way Filch named his current cat after Umbridge. Fits with the name he gave Mrs. Norris and with his friendship with Umbridge and his admiration for her.

*laughs* I was wondering why they only got one cake when they'd mentioned cupcakes earlier.

You've written the man was "much TO young to be a teacher". You're missing an "o".

Since the story is called "Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office", I'm guessing Slytherin built some kind of a secret office in Hogwarts nobody knows about except the two wizards in the first chapter. It could be like the wall between platforms 9 and 10 at King's Cross station - you can walk through the wall, though in this case it looks as if you have to use a certain potion or something first.

What I can't figure out is what the guy is doing at Hogwarts. The older wizard said something in the beginning about when he leaves Hogwarts for good. I took that to mean he was either in his 7th year or else he was a teacher who was planning to leave once he was ready to come out publicly as Lord Zajacfer. But if he's in his early 20s and there aren't any teachers that young, that doesn't really make sense.

I guess it's possible he has some sort of base that he was going through to when he disappeared and he's just lurking there the whole time. Creepy.

Author's Response: Yup, even though they are just getting Art's b-day stuff, wandering around Hogwarts at night is a HORRIBLE idea.

I was trying to think of what Filch would name his second cat, so I decided it would be Mrs. Umbridge, and that Mrs. Norris used to be an awful teacher before she got sacked.

Dang it, missing simple grammar mistakes like that is always embarrassing... you've got good eyes! No wonder I can never find a mistake in your stories.

I'm not really going to say anything about your theories, but it looks like you are good at that stuff!

Thank you so much for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #47, by Maelody The Extraordinary Arrival

15th April 2013:
I think that it is awesome you wrote about how nervous and scared Al was to be sorted into Slytherin, even after the pep talk his father gave him. I think most people just assume that after the talk Albus was ok with everything, but I like this better.

Rose is adorable really. I imagine her as a Weasley Hermione (which I guess she practically is). You know, bushy hair, only red? Lol. Great job and I will continue on! :)

Author's Response: When I was beginning to write this story, I closely examined the epilouge of the Deathly Hallows multiple times. And I came under the impression that Albus had been worried about being sorted into Slytherin for a very long time. Think about it: if we have an important event coming up (like a solo in a song) and our parents give us a pep talk before hand, do we let go of all nerves? No, we feel slightly better, but still a bit nervous. So probably the same thing happened with Albus.

That,s how I imagine Rose too. I imagine her with more brown though (although she has some red) since brown hair is a donimant trait and red hair is a recessive trait. I like picturing her with more red hair though, despite what science says.

Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #48, by Maelody The Rising Wizard

15th April 2013:
OK sorry it took me a while to get over here! I read it earlier and then I got super busy, but I'm here now! :D

Well, I can definitely say your first chapter has me hooked to read the rest. I like the idea of it, and I'm glad you've made the first chapter this way. It is nice to see that there is something going and and to see just exactly what it is instead of waiting for it to be explained. I think you did a lovely job of making it clear just what we should be expecting to see out of these two, and I'm excited to see what you do with it! :)

My only problem with the whole chapter, and it wasn't really a problem, just an odd word composition for my taste, but the very last sentence seemed a bit odd to me. I feel like it could have left off on a darker note, and the way it ended just seemed a little sudden, but that's entirely me I'm sure! Great job and I'm excited to read more. :)

Author's Response: It's fine that you took a while, I'm in no rush!

I actually took the idea of the beginning from the prolouge of the Goblet of Fire. I wanted to hook the readers, since the first several chapters move a bit slowly.

Hmm, that's interesting about the last sentence. I've just never thought about it, but you're right, it does end pretty sudden. I'll think about changing that.

Thanks for the lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #49, by MargaretLane The Weasley Gathering

5th April 2013:
Love the model dragon. It's fun to see what Christmas presents people come up with.

"Only one of them could become prefects" sounds a little odd. "Only one of them could become a prefect" might be better. And it does seem a bit unfair doesn't it? That you could be the second best prefect material in your year, but if the first best is the same gender and from the same house as you, then you'll never have an opportunity and people who aren't as good as you will be appointed because they are the best in their house.

And it'd be better to say "the only PEOPLE who would be delighted at getting a homework planner WERE Molly and Lucy" rather than the "the only PERSON who would be delighted of getting a homework planner WAS Molly and Lucy."

Aw, nice reference to Teddy and Victoire's relationship. I wonder if it'll be relevant at any point.

*laughs at your description of Dominique* I like the insight we are getting into various members of the Weasley family here. It's interesting to see how different authors interpret them.

Yeah, I expected that if they needed room to fly, the room would provide.

*laughs* My Rose and Lucy aren't that into Quidditch either.

The part about Art being the youngest is kind of repetitive since you've said beforehand that he has three older brothers.

And you've said the snowball fight "looked like TO much fun", when it should be "TOO much fun."

Love the description of the fireworks.

And eugh, reindeer dung.

Art's birthday is the Feast of the Epiphany/Little Christmas/Women's Christmas/12th day of Christmas. *laughs* Over here, that's always the last day of the school holidays, but I think it's different in the U.K., so he might not get his birthday off each year. It's also the day we take down our Christmas decorations. So he can put away the Christmas cards and replace them with birthday ones, if they do the same over there.

Love the comparison between James and Gilderoy Lockhart.

Author's Response: Yeah, I wasn't sure what Charlie would give them, so I had him give out that. I think he would have enjoyed the fact that they scorched your hands.

Sorry about all the mistakes. I'm not that good at wording things, and it is also hard to catch. You must have an eagle eye or something. I have to go over each chapter five times and I find another mistake each time I look. I really don't have an eye for detail.

Totally unfair about the prefects thing, but it has to be one girl and one boy. So disappointing.

I thought it would be weird if I didn't include Teddy and Victoire's relationship, since it was mentioned in the epilouge.

It is funny, since some authors make Dominique wonderful, and some make her hateful. I've seen both.

The room provides everything, and it is available to everyone. There is a new slight disadvantage to the room, though...

I had a difficult time picturing Rose playing Quidditch. I just don't see it, do you?

Sorry about being repetitive. I sometimes forget what I've typed/said before.

I thought that having Christmas themed products would be fun, so I did that for the fireworks and beans.

I think dung from any type of animal, even from a reindeer, would be disgusting. I had trouble coming up with something Christmas-y that was disgusting!

I actually never knew that about Art's birthday! I have briefly heard of that holiday, but I didn't know the date. Very interesting!

James does have a bloated head, but luckily, not nearly as much as Gilderoy Lockhart!

Thanks reading and reviewing! You are the best!

 Report Review

Review #50, by MargaretLane Christmas

9th March 2013:
*grins at Dire letting them do something fun*

*hides from that kind of snow* We got that kind of snow in 2009-2010 and 2010-2011 and it shut the whole country down. Before that, a heavy snow here was one that didn't melt within the hour. Once when we were little, my sister made a snowman up to about our knees, with practically all the snow in the garden, but those two years, I saw real, full sized snowmen. Hogwarts probably gets lots though, as I'd imagine Scotland would.

It doesn't surprise me that James likes snowball fights.

David's Christmas sounds a little like our childhood ones. Hmm, I wonder if there is anything significant in among this Christmas discussion. I doubt it, but you never know.

Yeah, it is stupid having it come out after Christmas. They'd lose a lot of opportunities for sales that way.

Yi-i-ikes. That's one way of ensuring Albus can't tell his parents about Zajecfer (or however you spell it). Might raise some suspicions among the parents though, but I guess they'd hardly think it's because a Dark Wizard has enchanted the Headmaster. I really hadn't expected that development. It's a bit extreme, keeping the whole school there, but I guess Zajecfer doesn't care about that.

And I guess that, even apart from it being much more difficult to think of a reason to just require some students to stay, there's also the fact that if anybody was leaving, they could give them a note or something. I didn't think of that until Rose said she'd think of something if anybody was leaving. I just assumed it was because otherwise Harry WOULD become suspicious - if only his kids and their friends weren't allowed leave.

Maybe they should tell Neville, but I guess they are worried that he could be Imperiused or something too.

Hmm, this could have been what the discussions of Christmas was foreshadowing. It shows us what your characters are missing. *laughs* A lot of the casual conversations in my story have something relevant stuck into them, so I'm wondering if it's the same here.

Art's good at art. *laughs*

And this sort of makes Albus's Christmas like his father's.

*laughs* Bill's kids are all in the same years as in my story. I think nearly all the others, except those that were sort of established in canon are different though.

Author's Response: Yeah, I like snow, but it's really rare to have a white Christmas. The closest we've gotten was this year, when it snowed about an hour on Christmas Eve. But a few years ago, we got multiple three foot snowfalls. It was awesome!

James is definitely the type who would like snowball fights...

I think the Christmas conversation is just a nice opportunity to talk about Christmas, and what usually happens.

Parents probably wouldn't get very suspicious. They trust Flitwick, he fought among them in the battle of Hogwarts. It's up to Albus and his friends.

They should tell Neville, but they haven't thought of that. They just see it as it's impossible to contact anyone outside the castle. And keep in mind, though, that they are only eleven. They simply never thought of that.

I never realized that Art's good at Art until you pointed that out. That is definitely a weird coincidence!

Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>