53 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Secret Santa The Feast

13th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hello again!

YAY, ALBUS IS IN GRYFFINDOR! The poor little guy had me worried that he'd end up hating his Hogwarts life! :p But I kinda feel like that the Sorting Hat was just messing around with him, trying to get him even more worried, hehehe! And poor Albus, falling off the stool! At least he wasn't too humiliated, ahaha!

I absolutely loved the Feast scene! It reminded me so much of Philosopher's Stone but not in a bad way, it was just so brilliant. I was grinning like a madman the whole time when I was reading it!

And the new characters seem interesting! They seem like a good bunch of mates for Albus to have!

I loved Al's confusion that Muggle pictures don't move - if only :p - it really reminded me of how flummoxed Ron was when Harry told him, haha!

Oh, and cheeky James. Nicking things from Harry's desk! I love how you made Harry edit the Map, I'd never thought of that! But it's a smart idea!

Anyway, this was a great chapter! I can't wait to read on!

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: Well, the sorting hat wasn't messing around with him, it genuinely was a difficult decision... as it should be. If he was in Slytherin, Albus would be very different.

Grinning is good. :)

Albus does have some pretty awesome new friends.

I tried thinking about Albus's reaction if he has seen pictures all his life that move, and then encounters one that doesn't. It is almost exactly the same as our reactions to moving pictures, except the situation is reversed!

Well, the map is out of date now, isn't it? It had to be edited to still be useful.

Thanks for the amazing review!


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Review #27, by Secret Santa The Extraordinary Arrival

12th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(I'm going to start all my reviews like that now, hehe)

Hello again! I'm back!

This chapter was so good! You got to see Albus' personality really shine through and I love that you've made him similar to Harry when he was going through this. It really made me smile and feel all nostalgic :p

I also like Rose, she seems really sweet! And James is a little troublemaker, isn't he? But he seems harmless. And it's typical older brother-like that he antagonises his younger brother :p

Also, I LOVE the Sorting Hat's song! Did you make that up yourself? It's absolutely brilliant! I really enjoyed it! I have this weird thing that whenever I see a song in a book or fanfiction, I have to sing it and I sung along as usual and it just worked so well! Kudos!

I'm so curious as to whether Albus is a Slytherin or not?! I guess I'll just have to read on ;)

Anyway, this was another really good chapter! I love your style of writing as well as the plot and characters!

10/10

- Secret Santa! ;)

Author's Response: Merry Christmas to you too!

Albus is similar to Harry in some ways. Different in others, but certainly similar in this aspect.

Thanks! I did write it. One day, I just took a piece of looseleaf and wrote the song. I'm glad you like it, since I'm not the best poet.

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #28, by MargaretLane The Restricted Section

12th December 2013:
Great to see this up. Since the beginning of the month, I've been checking almost daily to see if it was. Looking forward to finding out what'll happen here.

Like the silent pellets. They could be useful.

Stomach flu is kind of an American term. I'm not even 100% sure exactly what it is. Something like the Winter Vomiting Bug or some kind of stomach bug, from what I can figure out.

Quiz too is very much an American term in that context. To me, a quiz is a game. I guess in a way, they are like a test, in that you answer questions and win by getting more right, but it isn't what you'd call a test at school.

*grins* When you first mentioned Madame Pince coming around and putting on the protective charms, I wondered if Rose and Albus were planning to spend the night there and have Art and David return in the morning with the Invisibility Cloak to sneak them out.

*laughs at "we haven't learnt those spells yet. We're first years"*

Remaining in the library all night would NOT be pleasant.

And I can quite understand why Albus would find it frustrating to have the book to hand and not be able to read it.

Really like the way Albus doubts David and Art. I've read a lot of fanfictions where the characters seem to completely trust people they've only known a matter of days or weeks (in at least one case I think it was hours) and never appear to question if this is wise. So it's good to see Albus doubt himself on that one.

Yikes, losing the Cloak is one thing I REALLY didn't expect. That'll put them in much greater danger from Zajecfer.

Author's Response: I thought that George definitely would have come out with more products, so I decided to add in silent pellets. I made that up on the fly, but I still think they are pretty cool.

Really? Stomach flu is an American term? I never knew that.

I guess I knew somewhere deep in my head that Quiz is an American term, I just forgot while writing this. To me, Quiz is basically a small test, but it can be school-related.

Thanks for correcting me on those two. You may not be British, but you certainly know the terms a lot better than I do.

Yeah, the plan wasn't super secretive, I just wanted to make the reader guess. And you guessed correctly. Actually, in the original draft, in chapter 17 I had Rose explaining the plan, but I decided it would be more fun for the reader to see it for themselves.

I've experienced the same exactly. Or more, there's a book I really, really want to read sitting across from me, but I have to get something done before I can sit and read it.

Yeah, it seems like in a lot of fics with first years, they make new friends and then confide in them with EVERYTHING. It's a bit unrealistic. Plus, I want Albus to be a little more flawed. A flawed hero.

Well, something had to go wrong with their plan, didn't it? So I decided to have them loose the cloak. There are other reasons for that as well.

Thank you for reviewing!!!



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Review #29, by Secret Santa The Rising Wizard

11th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hey there! I'm your Hufflepuff Secret Santa! :D

This chapter was so good, but I'm SO CURIOUS AS TO WHO EXACTLY ZAC IS AND WHO THE OTHER GUY IS!

You're extremely good a drawing the mystery out and this was a brilliant first chapter. I think it's great how you've shown what these men are capable of so you've already instilled this fear in the audience and I'm excited to read on to see what they do. Let's hope it doesn't involve massacring anymore innocent children, though! :(

Anyway, this was an amazing first chapter. I can't wait to read on!

8/10!

- Secret Santa! ;)

Author's Response: HUFFLEPUFF RULES!

Sorry, that just had to be said. :)

Zac and "the other guy" are intriguing. Unfortunately, you won't find out for a while. Sorry!

Thanks you for reviewing! You just made my day. :)


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Review #30, by MargaretLane Research Discoveries

2nd November 2013:
*grins* You would give Hufflepuff a victory, wouldn't you? It's good to see them getting a victory or two, since they're so often dismissed.

I think you've left out a word when you've written "Gryffindor had always gotten along well Hufflepuff." It should be "with Hufflepuff."

I like the rivalry there. It makes sense that there would be other rivalries other than just Gryffindor/Slytherin and it shows Hufflepuff being taken seriously.

LOVE the comment about Albus always procrastinating and just doing the homework due the next day. It gives an indication of his personality.

1966. Interesting.

"After his departure FROM Hogwarts" would probably sound better than "after his departure of Hogwarts." And "meddled around" sounds a bit informal for what appears to be a textbook. Something like "he began his experimentation with" might sound better.

This is really interesting though. Firstly, it's a dark potion. That indicates there's more to it than just opening the door to a secret chamber. Although, it's just hit me the association with Slytherin makes perfect sense, if he really was entering an office Slytherin added to the school. I do wonder why the potion is considered a dark one though. It doesn't sound as if it's just because it was created by Slytherin.

I was going to say that really doesn't help them at all, as all it really tells them is what they already knew. It doesn't tell them what the potion does or anything else about it really, except implying it's dodgy. Then I noticed the attribution at the end. If they can get hold of that book, they'll get all the info they need. But that won't be easy.

I'm also wondering why so many wizards used that potion and wanted it to be invisible so badly. That kind of argues against my theory that it opens a secret office Slytherin created in Hogwarts, since it's unlikely they'd all know about that. And Grindlewald didn't even attend Hogwarts. Plus a potion that opens one office would hardly be as useful as Avada Kedavra. But of course, it may open any hideout or something. Or there could be something in Slytherin's office that would be useful to Dark Wizards. He could well have left books on dark magic there or powerful objects or something.

*stares at Rose wanting to make the potion* I'm really not sure that's a good idea, but I do see her point. It's the best lead they have and one way of figuring out what's going on. And I guess when you are trying to prevent a murder, you do what you have to. It's kind of funny though, that Rose wants to make a dark potion and David doesn't. I'd have expected it to be the other way around.

I wonder if this is an indication of something to do with David. Usually he seems to be up for anything, so maybe his reluctance to get involved with anything to do with dark magic might indicate his family were affected by dark magic or something. Maybe he'd a grandparent or something that was killed or tortured by Voldemort or locked in one of the camps. One of his grandparents could have been Muggleborn. Or maybe he's just like James and just feels very strongly about hating the Dark Arts. I guess there doesn't HAVE to be a significant reason. Or like Sirius, he could have members of his family involved in the Dark Arts, maybe somebody was jailed for it or something and he doesn't want to be like them. *ponders*

This is a bit confusing: "Fred and Louis are both jerks and Louis isn't as much." It sounds like one of the "Louises" should be "James".

I'm looking forward to finding out Rose's plan.

Author's Response: Hufflepuff is often dismissed. *sighs* Hopefully Albus will see that as well someday, even though he is a Gryffindor.

Gryffindor and Slytherin are intense in their rivalries, but I think they should have healthy rivals in other houses as well.

Good suggestions on the wording for the textbooks. I've never tried to write any formal subjects like in encyclopedias or textbooks, so it is rather difficult.

The potion is considered dark since it is technically a poison. That doesn't seem like a very good potion.

The reason many wizards want the potion (without the red steam) is so they could get it to wizards with defenses and who are prepared for death attempts, and maybe even a bit paranoid. Think about Mad-Eye Moody. He had so many defenses, I doubt anybody even knew where he lived. So they couldn't just go and attack him. But, if death eaters could deliver a poison to him via owl-messaging, it would then be in his hands. No doubt Moody would then proceed to check it out and destroy it, because it is probably dangerous. But the posion will not be revealed through revealing spells, or dark detectors like sneakoscopes (the textbook didn't mention that part, but it is true) and no matter what type of tests Moody put it to, the result would come out clean. That is a HUGE advantage for dark wizards.

David is like James (Harry's father) in the way how he likes jokes and stuff but strongly opposes dark magic.

Not that you point it out, that wording about Fred and Louis was a bit weird. What I was trying to say is that Fred and Louis are both jerks, but Louis isn't as much as a jerk as Fred is. Hopefully that clears the confusion; I need to go back and change that.

I really like hearing all your theories. It helps me figure out what I need to clarify on, if I'm guiding you along the path I want you to be, and if I'm revealing too much or too little. Thanks for the review!


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Review #31, by MargaretLane Light and Dark

5th September 2013:
*cracks up* The chapter I am currently working on begins with a line about the amount of Quidditch practice Albus has as well. AND they're preparing to play Slytherin.

One thing, you've written "finally, on the second Saturday in February, was the day of the match". It should be either "finally, the second Saturday in February was the day of the match" or something like "finally, on the second Saturday in February, the match took place."

Love Albus' comment to Hagrid. You can really hear how he says it.

*cheers for Hufflepuff not booing* That sounds like them.

Louis's commentary is a little biased, isn't it? *laughs* If McGonagall was there, she'd have something to say.

Also love that little detail about the broom makers deliberately making the brooms so they need to be fixed professionally in order to make money.

*grins* I was expecting Gryffindor to win the match, though I was doubtful for a few moments when that Bludger came at Albus.

Oh, James says "we would OF won anyway," when it should be either "we would HAVE won" or "we WOULD'VE won."

I was waiting for something bad to happen, after they won the match. And of course, it's right at the end, just when everybody was happy. *laughs*

And yikes, she checked every single copy of the Daily Prophet? No wonder she was spending so much time in the library.

Author's Response: Some of the similarities between our stories is weird. Sometimes, you'd add something in one of your chapters that I'd be planning for one of mine.

You have a good eye! I'm impressed that you manage to catch things like that!

I think Hufflepuff is rooting for Gryffindor, so their cheering is for them, but they think it is rude to boo.

It is very true, that companies make sure they don't allow you to fix the things if they want you to send it back to be repaired. I've had stuff like that happen to me.

I got in the nasty habit when I was younger of saying "of" instead of "have". I didn't even notice until I started writing.

I didn't add in how much time Rose spent in the library, because Albus didn't know because he was at Quidditch so often. But on an average school day, Rose got up at 6:00 am to research in the library for a few hours. Then, during lunch, she would eat her food really quickly and then look in the library for a little bit. After classes, she would do her homework really quick (she writes very fast) and then go to the library for the rest of the afternoon and evening, leaving only a brief break for dinner. On weekends, she was there practically all day.

It's no wonder Art was getting concerned.

So yes, she was able to check all the Daily Prophets. Art and David helped too, but they like a little relaxation time, and they both like to sleep in.

Thanks for the review!







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Review #32, by MargaretLane Streamers and Newspapers

7th August 2013:
*laughs* One thing both our versions of Rose have in common is bossiness.

I actually did laugh out loud at David claiming Albus had just imagined Rose yelling at him. It's even more ridiculous when he is doing exactly what she is supposed to have said.

*laughs at James* He reminds me a bit of my brother whenever we have a chocolate cake. He complains he doesn't like chocolate and that eating it is a chore, but still always eats it.

I'd actually like to see more of Dominique in your story. She sounds a bit of an interesting character. But I guess there are 6 and a half stories to go, so plenty of time.

Hmm, David's "probably not" intrigues me. I mean, yeah, most people wouldn't want to write to a complete stranger asking for something, but David strikes me as somebody who'd be an exception to that rule. He seems to have plenty of cheek. Plus I feel the fact you brought it up is relevant. *ponders* I don't see what it CAN mean, but I've a feeling there's SOMETHING.

*laughs* Funny to think of Albus being more excited by school presents than Rose is. I like it though. After all, she can't be excited by every subject. Nobody is, except maybe Hermione, and even she wasn't interested in Divination.

I also like the fact Albus isn't too good at Defence Against the Dark Arts, since more stories seem to have that as his best subject. I don't think I've ever seen an Albus who was good at Potions, but not Defence before. I like characters to have strong and weak points, rather than everybody either being good at all subjects or bad at them all or good at all aspects of a subject or bad at all.

Fuchs seems nice.

I would like to see more of the teachers in this. Apart from Dire, I'm not too familiar with them. I've had to look back over the chapter they're introduced a few times to figure out who taught a particular subject or something.

Fawley sounds nice too. Albus isn't doing too badly as regards teachers.

Author's Response: Why do I get distracted so easily? Right after I recieved your latest PM, I started reading the story you recommended, Albus Potter and the Global Revelation. I've been reading that for the past few days, all the way through what's up of book four, instead of doing useful things. Oh well, at least I'm here now.

I think a lot of people have Rose be smart and bossy. She inherited a bit of a bad temper from her parents as well. Poor David. Rose hates him for being so annoying.

I love chocolate. My mom loves chocolate as well, I inherited that from her. We're both crazy about chocolate. The more chocolate, the better. My brother, on the other hand, is a vanilla person. I don't get him at all.

Dominique is an interesting character. Very interesting. She is in a family of heroic Weasleys, with a stunningly beautiful mother, and a cool dad. Her sister Victoire is beautiful, smart, Head Girl, and she has a steady boyfriend. Her brother, Louis, is cool and funny, and a likeable person by all. This all has an effect on Dominique's character.

David is very confident and comfortable around people he knows. When meeting strangers, however, he is nervous and wary. The reason this wasn't showed during the feast, however, was because David was so eager and excited he temporarily forgot to be nervous. You may find more about David's personality later. He is a very complex character, although it doesn't really seem like it.

Rose is good at subjects like Charms and Transfiguration. Potions? Not so much. She is still a wonderful student in all of her classes, she just likes Charms the most. And Albus is top of the class in potions (Very far ahead, Albus is an expert at Potions) so naturally, he would be much more excited about all the potion things than Rose.

I wanted Albus to be good at Potions because I like Potions. Or, I would, if I went to Hogwarts.

Albus isn't particularly bad at Defense, he's just bad at any subject that requires spell-casting. He's perfectly fine at the practical part, as well. Albus is rather bad at pronunciation, so he has trouble casting the spells. And once he says the words properly, he casts the spells perfectly. Don't worry, Albus will find his way around this obstacle eventually.

Good suggestion. I really should mention more teachers. I guess it's because they're not very interesting, and what's happening in Albus's outside life is much more exciting. I think I'll try to include more classes in the future.

Thanks for the review, and especially for the suggestion!


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Review #33, by MargaretLane Research Time

28th June 2013:
At the start of the chapter, Rose says "you willing agreed". It should probably be "willingly".

*grins at her not having 1st years in the library very often* That makes sense as they would probably only be studying very basic magic and would have all the info in their textbooks.

"Daily Prophet" should have a capital "D" and "P" as it's a title and should also probably be in italics or underlined.

You've written "way to hard" when it should be "way too hard".

*laughs at the thought of Albus giving James a Babbling Beverage* Love your references to various potions.

*laughs at the books attacking them*

I'm with Rose here. NO such thing as too many books.

*cracks up at even Al not thinking David brilliant* I sort of think he's going to turn out to be smarter than they think though. I could imagine him being like the Weasley twins or having flashes of brilliance that are obscured by his totally inability to take things seriously.

The research they're doing in this chapter and the way nobody except Rose actually wants to reminds me of when Albus and Rose were looking for names of students whose parents or other family members might have been at school with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Author's Response: Since I love potions, I had a great time coming up with a love the different potions and what they do.

I loved writing about them getting attacked by books. I love torturing my characters. Unfortunately, I don't get to torture them very often in this book, but I can't wait for the later ones where I get to torture Albus endlessly.

David is a very interesting character. The part you usually see is when he is joking around. But there is another, hidden part to him as well. You won't see this in full force until the second book though.

But you are right, he can be smart when he wants to.

It is so funny about all the coincidences our Albus's have. I usually don't even notice them until you point them out!

Thanks for reviewing, and pointing out the mistakes I made!



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Review #34, by MargaretLane Birthday Discussions

31st May 2013:
Yay, new chapter up.

*laughs at David being proud of his idiocy*

And that's interesting about magic circles, that they were actually used by witches and wizards in the past, I mean. I wonder if they'll end up being significant or if that's just a throwaway comment. I suspect the latter, since as Albus said, Zajecfer didn't pour the potion in the shape of a circle or anything and I very much doubt they'd anything to do with his disappearance. But it's possible you're doing a JK Rowling on it and they'll be relevant in some other way later on.

There should be a comma before after "I think Rose was talking about how Zajecfer might have turned invisible" and not a full stop, as "Art whispered" is still part of the same sentence.

I don't really think Zajecfer disappeared off Hogwarts' grounds. I don't think he just became invisible either. I think he disappeared to somewhere else ON Hogwarts' grounds. Especially since, in the first chapter, the older wizard talked about "when you finally leave Hogwarts" (or words to that effect), which kind of implies he's AT Hogwarts now. Scary thought, but however.

I think David is absolutely right. I didn't think of the entrance being invisible to everybody other than the person who poured the potion, but that would makes sense. I thought it might just have been so small he could slip through it or it might be like the barrier on Platform 9 and 3/4s and the potion made it possible for him to simply walk through a wall.

Rose's suggestion about the potion making everything within a few feet invisible is good too, but I don't think it's right.

*pokes Rose* Regardless of who's right here (and I think David is), he is definitely not being an idiot. It's a valid theory. I think she just doesn't like the suggestion that anybody could challenge HER theory, especially David, who she doesn't seem to have much belief in.

The Daily Prophet should have a capital "D" and "P" as it's a title.

Yikes, it'll take them forever, if they have to read the description of every potion mentioned in the library books.

Nor would I necessarily assume Zajecfer must have done something bad enough to be in the Daily Prophet. He could be only starting his campaign or he could be in them under his original name, but it's definitely worth a try.

It would probably be better to make "We know youíre not interested in the dark arts, if you were youíd be in Slytherin, not Gryffindor" into two sentences. "We know you're not interested in the dark arts. If you were, you'd be in Slytherin, not Gryffindor."

I don't know if that's necessarily true anyway, since Peter was in Gryffindor, though of course, there's no real evidence he'd any interest in the dark arts. He may simply have been to scared to oppose Voldemort. Though that's not very Gryffindor either.

Oh, and in the 4th last line, you've spelled "lose" as "loose".

Oh, I'm looking forward to seeing what they find out when they start researching.

Really good chapter. Sounds like things are about to get even more interesting.

Author's Response: About half of the conversations they have turn up in later books, and about half of them don't. It's actually quite funny to myself, since I know what it all means and it's importance, but nobody else does. *evil laugh*

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes. Most of it is habits that I gained when I was younger, and I'm trying to break them.

Rose is a very stubborn girl. She does raise some interesting points, though.

About the whole Slytherin being evil thing- keep in mind, Rose and Albus were raised by a very bias family. I believe Harry wasn't as bad, because of Snape, but the rest of their aunts and uncles put into their head that Slytherins are evil.

Thanks so much for reviewing! And I love your opinions!


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Review #35, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Nighttime Wanderings

13th May 2013:
Dun dun DUN!! This was a very interesting and suspenseful chapter, dear!! It started out just an "oh I hope they don't get into trouble" kind of suspense, but then when Lord Zajecfer appeared I was really getting terrified. What struck me the most about his disappearing was that he did it INSIDE Hogwarts, which is pretty much supposed to be impossible... I certainly hope he's not planning something much worse than what he did to poor Flitwick, but I have a bad feeling.

And can I just say that I ADORE that you named Filch's new cat Umbridge? I thought that was hilarious!! It certainly makes sense, Filch really loved that woman!

Everything flowed nicely here, and the description was amazing. Well done! 10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for dropping by!!

Thanks so much for complimenting my suspense! I really like making those scenes all scary and dramatic.

There are many different theories of what really happened. Akbus is actually going to discuss the different theroies- once I put it up, that is.

I had a tough time coming up with Filch's cat's new name, when Umbridge popped into my head.

Thank you so much for this generous review!



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Review #36, by slytherinchica08 The Rising Wizard

1st May 2013:
I think this first chapter shows a lot of promise for this story. Youve got two very interesting and dark wizards that start off this story and they create interest and questions for the readers. Both are good to have in opening chapters, or any chapter for that matter,they draw readers in and make us wonder whats going to happen and want to continue reading. I like that we dont really know who these dark wizards are and i think youve done a good job of creating seperate personalities for them. I also like having this as the beginning chapter. It creates interest, gives the reader an idea of where this story might go,and already sets up a bit of mystery as to who these men are. This story has plenty of potential and peaked my interest. Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

That was one of the main reasons I created that chapter in the first place. The rest of the story has sort of a slow start, so I wanted to make the first chapter action filled and mysterious to hook the reader.

Good to see it is working! And thank you so much for this generous review!


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Review #37, by MargaretLane Nighttime Wanderings

1st May 2013:
Hmm, the beginning of this chapter and its title are rather ominous. I know they are just going to prepare Art's party but dodgy things happen when students wander Hogwarts by themselves.

Love the idea of a product that makes your footsteps silent. It's exactly the kind of thing George would come up with. Very helpful for pranks.

Love the way Filch named his current cat after Umbridge. Fits with the name he gave Mrs. Norris and with his friendship with Umbridge and his admiration for her.

*laughs* I was wondering why they only got one cake when they'd mentioned cupcakes earlier.

You've written the man was "much TO young to be a teacher". You're missing an "o".

Since the story is called "Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office", I'm guessing Slytherin built some kind of a secret office in Hogwarts nobody knows about except the two wizards in the first chapter. It could be like the wall between platforms 9 and 10 at King's Cross station - you can walk through the wall, though in this case it looks as if you have to use a certain potion or something first.

What I can't figure out is what the guy is doing at Hogwarts. The older wizard said something in the beginning about when he leaves Hogwarts for good. I took that to mean he was either in his 7th year or else he was a teacher who was planning to leave once he was ready to come out publicly as Lord Zajacfer. But if he's in his early 20s and there aren't any teachers that young, that doesn't really make sense.

I guess it's possible he has some sort of base that he was going through to when he disappeared and he's just lurking there the whole time. Creepy.

Author's Response: Yup, even though they are just getting Art's b-day stuff, wandering around Hogwarts at night is a HORRIBLE idea.

I was trying to think of what Filch would name his second cat, so I decided it would be Mrs. Umbridge, and that Mrs. Norris used to be an awful teacher before she got sacked.

Dang it, missing simple grammar mistakes like that is always embarrassing... you've got good eyes! No wonder I can never find a mistake in your stories.

I'm not really going to say anything about your theories, but it looks like you are good at that stuff!

Thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #38, by Maelody The Extraordinary Arrival

15th April 2013:
I think that it is awesome you wrote about how nervous and scared Al was to be sorted into Slytherin, even after the pep talk his father gave him. I think most people just assume that after the talk Albus was ok with everything, but I like this better.

Rose is adorable really. I imagine her as a Weasley Hermione (which I guess she practically is). You know, bushy hair, only red? Lol. Great job and I will continue on! :)

Author's Response: When I was beginning to write this story, I closely examined the epilouge of the Deathly Hallows multiple times. And I came under the impression that Albus had been worried about being sorted into Slytherin for a very long time. Think about it: if we have an important event coming up (like a solo in a song) and our parents give us a pep talk before hand, do we let go of all nerves? No, we feel slightly better, but still a bit nervous. So probably the same thing happened with Albus.

That,s how I imagine Rose too. I imagine her with more brown though (although she has some red) since brown hair is a donimant trait and red hair is a recessive trait. I like picturing her with more red hair though, despite what science says.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #39, by Maelody The Rising Wizard

15th April 2013:
OK sorry it took me a while to get over here! I read it earlier and then I got super busy, but I'm here now! :D

Well, I can definitely say your first chapter has me hooked to read the rest. I like the idea of it, and I'm glad you've made the first chapter this way. It is nice to see that there is something going and and to see just exactly what it is instead of waiting for it to be explained. I think you did a lovely job of making it clear just what we should be expecting to see out of these two, and I'm excited to see what you do with it! :)

My only problem with the whole chapter, and it wasn't really a problem, just an odd word composition for my taste, but the very last sentence seemed a bit odd to me. I feel like it could have left off on a darker note, and the way it ended just seemed a little sudden, but that's entirely me I'm sure! Great job and I'm excited to read more. :)

Author's Response: It's fine that you took a while, I'm in no rush!

I actually took the idea of the beginning from the prolouge of the Goblet of Fire. I wanted to hook the readers, since the first several chapters move a bit slowly.

Hmm, that's interesting about the last sentence. I've just never thought about it, but you're right, it does end pretty sudden. I'll think about changing that.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #40, by MargaretLane The Weasley Gathering

5th April 2013:
Love the model dragon. It's fun to see what Christmas presents people come up with.

"Only one of them could become prefects" sounds a little odd. "Only one of them could become a prefect" might be better. And it does seem a bit unfair doesn't it? That you could be the second best prefect material in your year, but if the first best is the same gender and from the same house as you, then you'll never have an opportunity and people who aren't as good as you will be appointed because they are the best in their house.

And it'd be better to say "the only PEOPLE who would be delighted at getting a homework planner WERE Molly and Lucy" rather than the "the only PERSON who would be delighted of getting a homework planner WAS Molly and Lucy."

Aw, nice reference to Teddy and Victoire's relationship. I wonder if it'll be relevant at any point.

*laughs at your description of Dominique* I like the insight we are getting into various members of the Weasley family here. It's interesting to see how different authors interpret them.

Yeah, I expected that if they needed room to fly, the room would provide.

*laughs* My Rose and Lucy aren't that into Quidditch either.

The part about Art being the youngest is kind of repetitive since you've said beforehand that he has three older brothers.

And you've said the snowball fight "looked like TO much fun", when it should be "TOO much fun."

Love the description of the fireworks.

And eugh, reindeer dung.

Art's birthday is the Feast of the Epiphany/Little Christmas/Women's Christmas/12th day of Christmas. *laughs* Over here, that's always the last day of the school holidays, but I think it's different in the U.K., so he might not get his birthday off each year. It's also the day we take down our Christmas decorations. So he can put away the Christmas cards and replace them with birthday ones, if they do the same over there.

Love the comparison between James and Gilderoy Lockhart.

Author's Response: Yeah, I wasn't sure what Charlie would give them, so I had him give out that. I think he would have enjoyed the fact that they scorched your hands.

Sorry about all the mistakes. I'm not that good at wording things, and it is also hard to catch. You must have an eagle eye or something. I have to go over each chapter five times and I find another mistake each time I look. I really don't have an eye for detail.

Totally unfair about the prefects thing, but it has to be one girl and one boy. So disappointing.

I thought it would be weird if I didn't include Teddy and Victoire's relationship, since it was mentioned in the epilouge.

It is funny, since some authors make Dominique wonderful, and some make her hateful. I've seen both.

The room provides everything, and it is available to everyone. There is a new slight disadvantage to the room, though...

I had a difficult time picturing Rose playing Quidditch. I just don't see it, do you?

Sorry about being repetitive. I sometimes forget what I've typed/said before.

I thought that having Christmas themed products would be fun, so I did that for the fireworks and beans.

I think dung from any type of animal, even from a reindeer, would be disgusting. I had trouble coming up with something Christmas-y that was disgusting!

I actually never knew that about Art's birthday! I have briefly heard of that holiday, but I didn't know the date. Very interesting!

James does have a bloated head, but luckily, not nearly as much as Gilderoy Lockhart!

Thanks reading and reviewing! You are the best!


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Review #41, by MargaretLane Christmas

9th March 2013:
*grins at Dire letting them do something fun*

*hides from that kind of snow* We got that kind of snow in 2009-2010 and 2010-2011 and it shut the whole country down. Before that, a heavy snow here was one that didn't melt within the hour. Once when we were little, my sister made a snowman up to about our knees, with practically all the snow in the garden, but those two years, I saw real, full sized snowmen. Hogwarts probably gets lots though, as I'd imagine Scotland would.

It doesn't surprise me that James likes snowball fights.

David's Christmas sounds a little like our childhood ones. Hmm, I wonder if there is anything significant in among this Christmas discussion. I doubt it, but you never know.

Yeah, it is stupid having it come out after Christmas. They'd lose a lot of opportunities for sales that way.

Yi-i-ikes. That's one way of ensuring Albus can't tell his parents about Zajecfer (or however you spell it). Might raise some suspicions among the parents though, but I guess they'd hardly think it's because a Dark Wizard has enchanted the Headmaster. I really hadn't expected that development. It's a bit extreme, keeping the whole school there, but I guess Zajecfer doesn't care about that.

And I guess that, even apart from it being much more difficult to think of a reason to just require some students to stay, there's also the fact that if anybody was leaving, they could give them a note or something. I didn't think of that until Rose said she'd think of something if anybody was leaving. I just assumed it was because otherwise Harry WOULD become suspicious - if only his kids and their friends weren't allowed leave.

Maybe they should tell Neville, but I guess they are worried that he could be Imperiused or something too.

Hmm, this could have been what the discussions of Christmas was foreshadowing. It shows us what your characters are missing. *laughs* A lot of the casual conversations in my story have something relevant stuck into them, so I'm wondering if it's the same here.

Art's good at art. *laughs*

And this sort of makes Albus's Christmas like his father's.

*laughs* Bill's kids are all in the same years as in my story. I think nearly all the others, except those that were sort of established in canon are different though.

Author's Response: Yeah, I like snow, but it's really rare to have a white Christmas. The closest we've gotten was this year, when it snowed about an hour on Christmas Eve. But a few years ago, we got multiple three foot snowfalls. It was awesome!

James is definitely the type who would like snowball fights...

I think the Christmas conversation is just a nice opportunity to talk about Christmas, and what usually happens.

Parents probably wouldn't get very suspicious. They trust Flitwick, he fought among them in the battle of Hogwarts. It's up to Albus and his friends.

They should tell Neville, but they haven't thought of that. They just see it as it's impossible to contact anyone outside the castle. And keep in mind, though, that they are only eleven. They simply never thought of that.

I never realized that Art's good at Art until you pointed that out. That is definitely a weird coincidence!

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #42, by ginny hp Galleons, Books, Wands, and Jokes

9th March 2013:
why u aren't mentioning ginny..she doesn't have any role?

Author's Response: She is in that scene- she just isn't the central character. Don't worry, Ginny will be in more chapters later. I love her too.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #43, by patronus_charm The Rising Wizard

6th March 2013:
Hello there, and welcome to the forums itís a really great place to be! I kind have a little addiction to reviewing, so of course I donít mind leaving you one!

I really liked how you started the story, as you created a very idyllic scene, and I was getting settled into, what I thought, happy story, then you juxtaposed it really well, with the darkness those men seemed to allude, and it created a more sinister atmosphere which was really good, as it grabbed the readerís attention, as you wanted to know why they were.

The way you described them killing others, made it seem as if that was the most normal thing in the world to do, and that no one should question it. I think it was because you did it subtly and just addressed it with a flash of green light, and that seemed to make it more powerful, as it made it seem as if it was a normal thing for them to do.

You had some really powerful lines in this chapter, but I think my favourite was ĎAs I told Tom, there is no good and evil. There is only power.í It just seemed to carry so much weight, and it perfectly tied in with the story, and blended in really well.

I really like how you decided to add a dark tone to a next gen story, as I hate the fluffy stories, as they just donít seem realistic to me. However, this one seems perfectly believable, and I could see another dark wizard coming to power. We didnít learn much about him, but thatís understandable given that this is the first chapter, but I hope you develop his background and character in the future ones.

I honestly canít think of any CCís, I know you said to be critical, but there isnít anything to be critical about, so yay for that!

Thank you for requesting, as this story is really intriguing me!

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I am happy you enjoyed it!

Yeah, I wanted to make it clear that the two of them ruined a very happy scene for absolutely no reason. Pretty much the whole point of the first chapter was to grab the reader's attention (and provide hints, of course!)

Those men definitely think killing is normal. And it is normal, for them. They don't bother to think about the damage that is done.

That whole "no good and evil" thing is basically what they believe. There is no "good" side and "evil" side. There are simply two sides that agree with each other. They don't recognize evil, even though they are.

I'm glad you like the dark tone to the chapter. I sometimes worry that it is too dark and I should make it less so, but then they woudn't sound like as much as a threat. As for background... I know more background on both of them then I know about Albus. Especially the younger man- I have a very detailed account on his childhood. I bet I could write a novel just on his life.

And thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)


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Review #44, by MargaretLane Hufflepuff VS Gryffindor

24th February 2013:
Love your example of what they're transfiguring. It's kind of similar to matchsticks into pins, so it seems like something they'd be likely to do shortly afterwards. I always wondered what other things they'd do in first year transfiguration.

Dire does remind me of Snape, especially with the way they're now suspecting him of being in league with Zajecfer.

*laughs* Louis Weasley is in 4th year in my story too, but it sounds like that's where the similarities between the characters end.

I also like the fact that James seems to do reasonably well at school in this, since he's often the lazy, troublemaker type.

I also like the fact Albus is kind of relieved not to have to play. It's realistic and human.

Aw, poor James, but funny to see him on the receiving end of the teasing rather than being the teaser.

Oh, wow, I just assumed Gryffindor would win, so that's a surprise.

Oh, one mistake. You've written "loose" instead of "lose" near the end of the chapter.

Author's Response: I decided to have them transfigure simple things that looked similar in their first year. Unfortunately, we don't see much in the Harry Potter series what they transfigured, but I do imagine that they transfigured simple things.

Professor Dire is similar to Snape, in a way, except for one major thing- He treats Slytherins and Gryffindors equally. He just hates Albus because Al never knows the right answer.

Yeah, I noted during your Christmas chapter that your Weasley cousins were all way younger than mine. And they are all remarkably different in personality.

James is a troublemaker and teaser- usually he just teases Albus and Lily. But even though James is the teaser, he's always on the receiver end when Fred and Louis are around!

Even though Albus loves Quidditch, he's terrified of making a fool of himself in front of the school. I didn't make him reserve for nothing though! (hint, hint)

I'm really sorry Gryffindor lost the match, but I'm really happy for Hufflepuff. Since I am a proud Hufflepuff, I couldn't just let them lose! Don't worry, Gryffindor will win other things, I'm not that terrible towards Gryffindor.

Thanks for pointing out the mistake; I will fix that. I try to catch all of them before I submit the chapter, but of course, I'm human! I can't catch every single one. So it's great that you look it over for the ones I missed.

Thank you so much for reviewing! :)


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Review #45, by MargaretLane Rose Gets Detention

5th February 2013:
*grins* I was looking forward to this chapter, because things really got going in the last chapter and I wanted to know what happened next.

Your summary also has me intrigued. Rose doesn't seem the type to get detention.

Oh, one thing I was thinking I must check - I'll do it when I've read this chapter - is what we know about Scorpius in this story, if anything. I must check what house you put him in, if you mentioned him at all.

I'm wondering how Rose knows the guy was called Zajecfer. I don't think a name was mentioned in the last chapter.

I'm amused at the comment about Grandma Weasley's attempts to fatten Al up. That's so typical of her.

*laughs* That was rather a coincidence. I was just wondering yesterday if Scorpius was going to play a part in this story and he turns up in this chapter. He is one of the characters whose personality really seems to vary from story to story, so I'm wondering what he'll be like in this.

*laughs at the wedgie charm* That was a really good idea for a Hogwarts prank.

And I'm not surprised that Rose's detention was for something she didn't really do.

Professor Trash Binns; that's pretty amusing. Or "Dust Binns". *laughs* I never thought of that, but it's perfect. Not only is it something students are bound to come up with if a teacher has a name like that, but he also is rubbish as a teacher. "Rubbish Binns" would work too.

I wonder if Filch has been Imperiused to give information about what's in the letters to Zajecfer. Or if Flitwick was Imperiused to agree to let him monitor them. We know he was Imperiused. And it sounds like he still is.

Gosh, Zajecfer thinks of everything. I didn't even realise he knew Albus had overheard him, but I suppose he could have guessed it was at least a possibility when Albus didn't turn up. It makes sense that he'd protect against it.

This is getting scary for Albus.

I don't think it's really surprising both of our Albuses were lured somewhere by notes. It's probably the best way of making somebody thinks somebody wants them and the way the note got to them and what it was luring them to were both very different. It just made me suspicious that your one was forged also. *laughs*

Good chapter. Albus (and James) are really in trouble now.

I bet Zajacfer will try and harm Albus again before Christmas, so he won't be able to tell Harry anything when he goes home for the holidays.

Author's Response: I'm really sorry about the whole Zajecfer name thing- In my first version of chapter seven, the encounter with Flitwick and Zajecfer was longer, but I later changed it to make it more brief. When I did that, I decided to take out the name to make it more mysterious. But I forgot to edit the name out of Chapter Eight! It's no big deal, it was just going to be revealed just a few chapters later. So I'm going to go add the name to Chapter Seven, sorry for the mishap.

I remembered Mrs. Weasley also tried to give Harry more food when he stayed at the Burrow, so I figured I would have the same thing happen to Albus. :)

You're right that Scorpious is different in a lot of stories. Some have him as best friends with Albus, others have them as enemies. I have him as an enemy of Albus, but not much of an enemy. Vincent Rosier is the main enemy.

I thought the wedgie charm would be a funny thing to add. :)

Rose would never actually get in detention for something she did. She's no prankster!

I used to give teachers all sorts of ridiculous nicknames- it's so fun! I just had to be careful not to use it in their presence! :)

Filch is plainly just a mean person. He hates dungbombs and Weasley products so much, he would jump at the opportunity to read students mail! He doesn't want any orders coming through.

Zajecfer does think of everything, and he is very smart. He knew Albus was their since he never showed up, and when Zajecfer was torturing Flitwick, it was right after breakfast, the time that Flitwick told Albus to come. The story wouldn't be very exciting if Zajecfer was unintelligent!

You'll see what Zajecfer does about Christmas!

And thank you for reviewing!


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Review #46, by MargaretLane The Mysterious Man

22nd January 2013:
That line about all Dire'd have to do would be to fix the opposing team with his stare was very funny.

But there should have been a full stop after "that stare of his."

Aw, poor Albus, he's so nervous. Come on, Al, even if you don't make it, you've got another six chances over the years. It's bound to put pressure on him, though - knowing his father made the team in first year, before he even knew what Quidditch was.

*cheers for him getting a position as reserve* It does make sense. You never know when a player will be sick or get detention or whatever.

Hmm, I wonder if it's really Professor Flitwick who wants Albus. I'm probably just getting suspicious because of the letter that was supposedly from Slughorn in my story, but Lindsay did say she "was told" rather than "Flitwick told me" and it does seem a little odd. Rose said it should be Professor Longbottom dealing with that and besides, playing Quidditch shouldn't really affect his academic schedule, as the practices would surely be in the evenings. *laughs* And in the next sentence, Rose just pretty much said that. And we know from the chapter summary that he's about to meet somebody mysterious.

Although "goblin" does sound like a password Flitwick WOULD use. But *watches suspiciously*

The phrase "unsuccessfully convincing" sounds a bit odd. It sounds like he DID convince them when he'd intended not to or something. It might sound better to say something like "failing to convince."

Well, it's the real password anyway. *wonders what's going on here and why Flitwick wants him* Maybe he has something to discuss that he didn't want to mention in the note in case Lindsay or somebody read it.

Oh, yikes, the idea of somebody forcing Flitwick to send the message didn't occur to me. Really unexpected.

Oh Albus, you REALLY need to tell your dad. Even if nobody else believes you, he will and he has the power to investigate, even secretly. Plus what have you to lose? Even if nobody does believe you, you're no worse off than you are if you don't tell. Telling can ONLY advantage you.

And it's totally different from your dad's situation. That was a corrupt Ministry trying to silence anything that didn't suite them.

It does make sense that an 11 year old would worry about being mocked as a liar and fear that more than the idea of their headmaster being tortured.

Before I thought of Harry, I was thinking "they have to tell somebody immediately", but then I thought "who would an 11 year old tell?" It would be hard enough to know what to do in that situation as an adult, but much more difficult as a child.

It should be "to Hugo and me," not "to Hugo and I". You wouldn't say "they talked about their adventures to I." And Rose strikes me as a character who'd probably use correct grammar.

I really like the way Albus is so determined to imitate his father that he is willing to put himself at risk.

Really good chapter, one of my favourites so far.

Author's Response: David is definitely the funniest person in the group. One of my favorite parts of writing this story is coming up with funny lines for him to say. He can also make the most serious situations funny.

Thanks for pointing out the mistakes! It's great that you check them, because there is always something that I miss.

Albus is a very interesting boy. When he was younger, I like to imagine that everyone complimented him on how much he looked like his father. So Albus got into his head that he was supposed to be a Harry Potter Junior. So that's also the reason he doesn't want to tell his father about Flitwick- he heard all the stories about Harry, Ron, and Hermione having adventures by themselves. Don't worry, he'll regret it later, but by then it'll be too late.

I think being a reserve would actually be cool. One game you could be beater, another game seeker, another game keeper, etc. You get to try all the positions.

I just realized the similarities between the notes both of our Albus's got! You do have a point...I wrote this chapter before I started reading your story, so I just noticed that now. That's a weird coincidence.

Goblin is a password Flitwick would use. I didn't want the password to be totally random.

I'm not that great with wording... I'll go back and change that sentence to something else.

I'm not going to say anything about your suspicions, but most of the clues are in the first chapter. Re- read the first chapter REALLY carefully and you might get closer to what will happen at the end of the book- although you haven't read enough to get the real answer. The point of the first chapter is to give you clues- and obviously hook your interest and get suspicious.

The whole "People not believing not believing me" thing is just an excuse for his friends. Rose hit the bullseye when she said that Albus wanted to be like his dad.

Sorry about the little grammar mistake, that was not intentional! Rose always uses correct grammar. Somebody like Hagrid- maybe not.

Thank you for reviewing! I am really happy I have such a devoted reader. :)


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Review #47, by MargaretLane Flying

6th January 2013:
Yay, new chapter! I've been waiting for this. (That's not a criticism. I know the queue's been closed and all. I was just a little impatient for this.)

Your Albus is luckier than mine as to who they've the flying lesson with. *laughs*

Rose's rant is amusing. She has a point though. There should be greater safety charms on them.

Um, you have David saying that Hagrid is over half his size. I presume he means over twice.

Love the part about Albus being nervous of dogs. It's one of those details that adds some realism to the story.

Maybe it's the way I'm reading it, but when Hagrid says "ya'll", I kind of tend to read it like the Southern American term for you plural. I'd expect him to say "yeh all" or maybe "all of yeh" since that's the term he uses for "you" otherwise and I don't think the English HAVE a term for you plural.

Hagrid's speech is HARD. This is why he doesn't come into my stories too much, but I'm going to need my characters to have a long conversation with him soon. THAT'S going to take some work. You've done a pretty good job of it, I think. I hope I can do it as convincingly.

Hmm, I wonder why David is embarrassed when Hagrid shakes his hand. I might be being too suspicious here, but I can't help wondering if you are drawing attention to it for a reason.

And Hagrid's cooking obviously hasn't improved!

*grins* Albus is going to try out for the Quidditch team. I wonder if he'll match his father's achievement and make the team in first year.

Hey, you won't be a disgrace if you don't make the team in first year, Albus. I can't remember how old Ginny was when she made the team, but I think she was at least a fourth year. You've plenty of time to match that. If a future professional player has to wait until getting on the house team, it's no disgrace not to make it in first year, particularly since it's so rare for first years to get on the teams and you're still only learning to fly.

When Chris says he's going to test their flying first he says it's because if they can't fly, it doesn't matter "how well you are at anything else." It'd sound better if he said either "how good you are" or "how well you do."

I've been interested to see how old you'll make Albus's cousins by comparison with him. Louis is the same age in both our stories, but Fred is only five or six and Roxanne only three in mine. Since I started writing about the Weasleys, Roxanne is the one I find it most difficult to imagine being at a different place in the birth order. I've very much imagined her as the youngest cousin. So I'll have to get used to her being older than Albus here.

It'll be weird if Albus DOES make the team and still isn't allowed fly more than a couple of feet above the ground in flying class. Weird for him, I mean. But I guess it's weird for wizarding kids anyway, because a lot of them would be flying at home, but the teacher has to work on the assumption that they can't fly, because it's better to be safe than sorry.

And you've left us wait until the next chapter to find out who makes the team. Grrr. I'm only messing. But I AM looking forward to finding out what happens.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I REALLY like this story.

Author's Response: Yeah, unfortunately I had to wait forever since the queue was closed. I originally was going to submit it on the 16th, but I forgot that the queue closed on the 15th. And then after it was back open, I was visiting relatives for a few days so I didn't get the opportunity.

Thanks for pointing out the mistake about David's comment and Chris's comment. It's really easy to fix things like spelling, but harder to find mistakes in grammar.

The reason I made Albus scared of dogs was because when I was nine I get a scar from a dog biting me. So I decided to have the same thing happen to Albus.

Yeah, when Hagrid says "y'all" it does sound a bit too much like an American Southern Accent. I'll try to fix that. I wonder what type of accent Hagrid has, and why he has it anyway?

I have a plan for David if I end up making a second book. Actually, I have the plots figured out for all seven books if I decide to continue the series. No guarantees though, I want to get through the first book before deciding.I'm quite impressed that you picked up the hint about David! You won't learn anything about it this book though.

Hagrid's cooking will probably never improve. I don't think he even realizes that he's a horrible cook.

Albus is overreacting a bit when he worries about not making the team. Albus worries a lot.

I really wanted Lily and Hugo to be the youngest, so all of the other cousins are older. I like to imagine that George and Angelina got together shortly after Fred's death, and it was the death of Fred that brought them together. It was weird reading your Christmas chapter with Roxanne so much younger!

You haven't seen much yet, but I decided to have a lot of muggle-borns in Albus's time. So they don't know how to fly.

Ha Ha, I love cliffhangers. Actually, the reason I did the cliffhanger was because I couldn't fit the entire Quidditch tryouts in without the chapter being overly long. So, I decided to end the chapter halfway through the tryouts.

Thank you for liking my story! I cannot emphasize enough how happy I am that you are reviewing my story. I was so shocked the first time you reviewed, because I wasn't expecting a review only hours after my first chapter was validated. So thank you!

And, Happy Birthday to Art! I haven't posted the chapter yet, but his birthday is today, Jan 6th. I'm actually hoping to work more on his birthday chapter today.

Thank you for reviewing! :)


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Review #48, by MargaretLane Professor Dire

1st December 2012:
Yay, another new chapter. I was getting impatient. And it looks like this is going to focus on teachers and classes. I was looking forward to finding out what new teachers you've included.

I'm expecting Professor Dire to live up to his/her name. *grins* *goes to find out*

Oh, *dies laughing* There's something in that letter that is VERY similar to something Harry is going to write to Albus towards the end of my story. I recently figured out how Albus and Rose are going to solve my mystery and the Invisibility Cloak will be involved.

*grins at Harry knowing everything*

Yeah, asking Peeves for help isn't going to work too well. Love the black ink squirt gun! So typical of him. Last night was the Late Late Toy Show and the presenter kept spraying kids with icing sugar things and shooting toy guns into the audience (honestly, he got more carried away than the kids), so this is reminding me of that. I think black ink would be worse to have sprayed at you though!

You've said "their had always been a little bit of light", when it should have been "there was always"

Rose's notes could yet come in interesting. With evil wizards plotting in the first chapter and some of those plants she's made notes on pretty dangerous, I can see them having to face one of them later on.

*laughs at "no, they're racoon hide"*

You should have had a comma, rather than a full stop after "Blimey", when David mutters it.

Hmm, Dire is a bit suspicious, but I doubt he's going to be guilty. I'd say he's going to be like Snape. We'll be supposed to think it's him, but it'll really be somebody else. Since most of your teachers are OCs, there is a huge list of suspects. Hmm.

I got the impression from the first chapter that the two wizards were men, but of course, IF there is a teacher who's up to something dodgy, they might just be helping those two or working for them, so I can't completely rule Selwyn out.

Great chapter. Am looking forward to seeing more of the teachers.

Author's Response: I'm sorry it was a bit late, I submitted it on Sunday but it didn't get validated for a while.

Yeah, there is a reason Professor Dire is named that! I made him like my sixth grade math teacher. Every time somebody got a question wrong, she pierced them with a horribly awful stare. My friend and I nicknamed it her "Death Stare." Luckily, she didn't hate me that much, but every once in a while I would get pierced with her death stare...

Squirting kids with ink is definitely something Peeves would do. He probably stole an inkwell from a student.

Thanks for pointing out my mistakes. I will fix them. :)

Yeah, David is a very sarcastic character, isn't he?

I'm not going to mention anything about your suspicions except this:

1. The people in the first chapter are definitely men.

2. Th identity of the young man isn't very interesting. He's never directly mentioned in the Harry Potter series. The identify of the old man, however, is extremely interesting.

Keep reading!



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Review #49, by GG Galleons, Books, Wands, and Jokes

22nd November 2012:
Really good!! enjoying the story! KEEP WRITTING!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad that you are liking my story.

I certainly plan to keep writing! I'm going to update soon, so keep checking.

Keep reading!


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Review #50, by MargaretLane Galleons, Books, Wands, and Jokes

12th November 2012:
Yay, this chapter is up. I was waiting for it.

You've a capital "t" in the middle of the first sentence of the second paragraph, "Once they got to Diagon Alley, They first went to Gringotts Bank to get money out of his parentís vaults."

*laughs at Albus trying to act like he goes to Gringotts every day*

*pokes Binns* The history of the wizarding world would probably be fascinating if taught by somebody halfway competent. I mean, he dismisses mythology, which is an important historical source. Anybody who does that has no business teaching history.

I'm amused by Lily wanting an owl, since I mentioned that in my story too. I guess it's something fairly likely, but it still amuses me when I find coincidences like that.

And Albus's owl sounds really cute.

Love your description of the ice-cream. Very creative and amusing. I don't blame Lily for being reluctant to eat them though.

Also love the fact that you've Mr. Ollivander's son running the shop now. I never imagined him as having a son. I guess I sort of thought of him as being a childless bachelor, dedicated to his business, but there's no canon on that and this is an interesting take on it. Plus it seems to have been passed from father to son all along, as his name is the same as the shop's, so it'd be good if he'd a son to take over.

*grins* I like the fact he hasn't his father's memory. It makes him an individual character, rather than just a carbon copy of his father.

And elder wand...ooh, I wonder if this is a harbringer of something. "Wand of elder, never prosper." I'm guessing Albus will prosper though, no matter what wand he has.

I think my sister had a rag-doll named Pinkie or something like that when she was little.

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out the mistake. I'm happy I have someone who points out mistakes so I can fix them!

Binns really is a boring teacher. History is my favorite subject, but even I would be bored if I had Binns! Somebody should fire him.

I really think that any kid would want an owl. I know I would want one!

I thought the idea of regular ice cream in the wizarding world really boring, so I decided to tweak the ice cream a little bit.

On Pottermore (I don't know if you have an account) one of the exclusive pieces of information is about Mr. Ollivander. It's actually very interesting. In there it states that he has a wife, a son, and a deceased daughter. I know, I always imagined him as single too.

I really wanted Albus's wand to be special, to show that he is different, so I decided to give him an Elder Wand.

I know I used to name a lot of things Pinkie. :)

Thanks for Reading and Reviewing every chapter so far! :) :)



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