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201 Reviews Found

Review #26, by True Author Tori

15th May 2013:
Hey! Just a note to tell you that I'm reading your story now. =] It's long and interesting so I might not be able to review each and every chapter, but I'll definitely leave reviews for interesting or special chapters.

I liked that you're telling Tori's story from her own PoV. Her characterization has been done really well. She's a bit hatable, but no doubt Hogwarts talks about her so much. She's so different from the Hogwarts population.

I liked Charlie too, but in a different way. I like that she's so shy around people and prefers books. I'm a bit like her, but I'm more social. =]

Your plot is very original. Now I look forward to the connection between the two stories you're telling us. By the way, the idea of a party at the Black Lake is amazing. ;)

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hey there! Yay! You're reading my story! *happy dance*

Thanks so much for the review, I hope to hear from you again!

Courtney:)


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Review #27, by J Tori

8th May 2013:
Great. Only problem was that you had Smith say "Ms Parker" to Tori rather than "Ms Heron"

Author's Response: Wow, I did not realize that! Thanks so much for pointing it out! Thanks for the review!
Courtney:)


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Review #28, by Jchrissy Me

5th May 2013:
You know, I guess maybe because I've been reading these quickly that I haven't noticed quite as much before, but now that RL went a bit psycho on me and I'm just getting back I have to say that your writing has gotten so much better through the course of this story. Not that it was ever bad or anything like that, but you're adding in more description in more subtle ways, your giving your characters way to develop themselves through their actions. Like in this chapter--

Charlie is really embarrassed about getting in trouble, well sort of trouble, in class. But she also thought James's joke was funny with the curse me sign. Those are two very small things and just fit naturally into this chapter but they do a ton to help keep us on track about what kind of person Charlie is. She's a good student to a point and wants to do well, but it's more authority that scares her than bad grades. She's only ever really had her mom to yell at her, and who cares about that. So getting called out by a teacher is a lot scarier. But she's also not exactly a goody girl that has a problem with a joke now and then. She's very normal in the best sense of the word. You haven't tried to make her over the top with anything and I really love that about her.

Anyway, your writing really has improved a lot through the course of this and I'm anxious to finish and start one of your newer novels and see the difference between those and this!

Although I'm partially not excited to finish this because then I know somethings going to have to happen :(. Either Tori will come back, and that will cause some serious issues, or she won't and the reason that she won't will cause issues too I'm sure.

Another thing I really love is that while Charlie's life seems to be getting better, more stable, Tori's is falling. Tori started out on top of the world ready to take on the school, and now she's just breaking more and more severely. Charlie started out terrified of this all and really not okay, but she's slowly coming out of her shell and is becoming not just social, but she's really making such good friends and a very sweet bf.

Speaking of sweet, James's line about what he would do if Tori came back. Oh gosh, heart throb much? Maybe I'll switch places with Charlie ;).

Another very lovely chapter ♥

Author's Response: Gah! I can't tell you how sorry I am about how long this review took! *looks away in shame* However I'm here now, so everyone can let out a giant round of applause and I can go beet red and stammer out my thanks.

Right. I'm glad you think my writing has improved! I think so too (I know, I'm spectacularly modest) especially when I compare the first chapter of this to the last chapter!

Yes! You are 100% right about Charlie's life getting better and Tori's slowly getting worse. I was wondering whether anyone would pick up on that :P

Thank you for the lovely review!
Courtney:)


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Review #29, by Jchrissy Tori

27th April 2013:
I don't even know what to do with Tori in this chapter. I seriously don't.

She's still terrible. She's using James and I don't think she even knows why anymore. She wants to prove she's the best, the most popular, by hanging on to him then breaking up with him. But it's making her miserable.

And she's seriously messing around with people's lives. And Albus! I'm quickly getting more and more angry with him. He has no right to do this behind his brother's back, and they all just need to be put in time out! Haha!

When she told James about what she was before their incident at the start of the year, I honestly didn't believe her. There were parts in this chapter where I felt so bad for her for being with him when she seemed so miserable, but then I remembered that it's HER fault and ugh! Courtney, you're making me so frustrated at a fictional character! Haha!

I loved seeing a glimpse at the Potter's life! It counteracted what I said in the last chapter about feeling sad that they weren't picking Charlie and James up. And NOW I know why Albus made the comment about James not inviting her over for Christmas when he'd invited Tori over the year before. Why didn't he!? I wish he had. It would have been a much better dinner and holiday than the Tori filled one, haha.

That dinner scene. I couldn't figure out which one of them I was more annoyed at. That was a disaster. Poor Harry and Ginny, haha. The mention of floor and Ginny's joke was hilarious, though.

And now she's puking. That really, really isn't good. I'm thinking things are going to get a lot worse from her here on out.

Have you ever heard the Walter Scott quote, 'What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive?' I think that quote is basically Tori's motto. hahah.

Awesome chapter, lovely!

Author's Response: I definitely think you're right when you say that Tori doesn't even know why she's with James anymore - I think she's so used to being manipulative and twisting people around her little finger that she doesn't know how to stop.

i really enjoyed writing Lily, Harry and Ginny into the story, even if it was just for a chapter. The dinner scene was great to write! Tori really is a scheming little...witch, to put it politely and in 12+ terms.

I have not heard that quote but that definitely seems to suit Tori!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

Courtney:)


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Review #30, by Jchrissy Me

27th April 2013:
Okay I actually have a huge love for Charlieís lists. Haha. Theyíre fun. Sheís such a sweet girl, and watching her and James together feels so cute. A million times more natural than him and Tori, thatís for sure. I really liked the way she was embarrassed by Fredís comments, also. You do an awesome job keeping her character consistent!

Those badges are so ridiculous. I would be tempted to start ripping them off of people if I was Charlie.

Oh the scene in the classroom is steamy! See, I like that he still does stuff like this and doesnít totally change now that heís with a new girl. Though itís clear things wonít go nearly as fast as they did with Tori.

The train ride back is, for the most part, adorable. Obviously there was that moment of tension with Albus, but I still canít feel too terrible for them. I hate what he did to James, but at the same time itís understandable how it probably felt to have Tori coming onto him. ugh. I donít know. Iím all torn between if Iím angry at Albus or angry at James for still being angry at Albus and why do you have to make me care about these characters so much?! Haha!

I love Fred teasing James for their money. I do hope we get to see the Potterís though, because right now Iím kind of sad to think about Harry and Ginny being too busy to pick up the boys. Although you canít really blame them both for having busy careers, and itís not like Albus and James are young children or anything.

Hahahahah I love Charlieís mum. James and Fred chorusing, We love you darling! Was just the cherry on top for me. That was a moment I wish so much was on film or something haha.

The Potters have a dog! I love that that was included in the note to Charlie, because it brings back the happy family feeling I was missing. Charlieís holiday seems really average so far, which I love.

Okay Iím skipping ahead (not in the story, just the review) because Iím afraid this is getting way too long. I loved the glimpse into everyoneís holiday, though. The interaction between Albus and Charlie was so odd... I canít wait to find out whatís behind that. He didnít seem... I donít know, like he was trying to rub in that James didnít invite her over or anything. I canít figure out what he meant by it! Want to give me just a tiny hint? ;)

Awesome chapter, my dear! I noticed a few things, I hope you donít mind me pointing them out:

*NEWTS is punctuated as N.E.W.T.s in the book

*Semicolons are only used to separate two dependent clauses or to separate the items of a list IF they include a comma. For example, f youíre listing city and state it would be: Iíve been to New York City, New York; Sacramento, California; Nashville, Texas... and so on. If the items donít include a comma, the semicolon wouldnít be correct. So this:
--James gently kisses the left side of my face; my forehead, my nose my chin
Should be punctuated as either:
--James gently kisses the left side of my face, my forehead, my nose, my chin
or
--James gently kissed me: my face, my forehead, my nose, my chin

*Lastly, this chapter had a lot more paragraphs whereas your others were spread more apart. I REALLY like this style over how the last few have been. I havenít commented on the lack of paragraphs before, because this is your story and everyone should do whatever style they like best, but now that youíve done more paragraphs in this one I just thought Iíd point out how much I like them ;)

Author's Response: Gah, I am so annoyed with myself! I had typed out a big long response and then somehow pressed a button which made it all disappear! Ugh! And now, because I super lazy this is probably going to be a very short response.

First of all, thank you so much for the lovely long review! I always really appreciate them. And it's funny you mention the paragraphing because recently I have been going back and editing earlier chapter for that exact reason: to make sentences into paragraphs. I've found, after reading other amazing stories on here (like yours:p) that that makes for a far easier read.

Albus always acts pretty strange! But we will be finding out the reason for his strangeness during his meeting with Charlie in the next chapter, I promise.

Charlie's mum is definitely a strange character! It's a wonder, what with her parents, she turned out so almost normal! And I always love writing Fred's appearances in this story - he is such a fun character!

Thanks again for the review, I'll be sure to edit those mistakes - I've always been useless at grammar. I probably should have paid more attention in English.

Courtney:)


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Review #31, by LittleMissPrincess Me

26th April 2013:
i loved it!

i feel though, that charlie shouldn't have been that upset, because that's kind of betrayal, for getting mad that james said that at tori's memorial, because i mean, it's a memorial - for a dead person, that they used to know - BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS GREAT, AND SAD BECAUSE ITS OVER!

i'm not sure since when i've been following this story, but i'm pretty sure for a really long time, atleast since the early chapters - has it really been so long? (:

i'll be sure to check out your new stories :) bye!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much!

Yes, I think Charlie did act a little selfishly, but she's always been insecure when it comes to Tori.

Thank you so much for following this story for so long! I have definitely noticed your presence! I can't wait to see you around some of my other stories!

Courtney:)


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Review #32, by crimson-creamcracker Me

25th April 2013:
I really liked this story, I thought it was well written and interesting and unique storyline especially split chapter style however in this last chapter I would have really liked to see Albus's Reaction and James/Albus reunion and the boys reactions to Tori's pregnancy (seem to be little reaction to this as a plot point other than Tori's), I think there is a lot of opportunity which is been missed in the last chapter though overall, good job. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Hmm, maybe I'll have to write some sort of sequel to fill in the gaps of the story that I missed out on!
Courtney:)


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Review #33, by AlexFan Tori

24th April 2013:
Review Tag!

Okay, I'll keep this short and sweet! You had great grammar, great flow and I love the fact that you keep bringing more and more depth to Tori.

At first she was just this really annoying character that I hated and wished would just drop off of the planet. I still hate her and I still find her annoying and stuck up but now I'm starting to feel sorry for her bit by bit.

The part where she was crying to Albus about how she screwed up everyone's lives was probably the part where I started to feel a little bit sorry for what she'd probably gone through in her life.

Anyway, as nice as Albus sounds, I'm not that fond of him (I don't know why! He sounds so lovely that I should like him but I can't bring myself to like him! It's frustrating!) I'm still fond of James though and I especially like him. I just feel so bad for him though, the girl he that he thought liked him didn't like at all.

It must be harsh to know that your girlfriend preferred your brother to you.

Anyway, I thought you did an awesomesauce job on the chapter!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Short and sweet is always good:) I totally understand what you mean about Tori. At first she really was a first-class bad word - and she still is, but like you said, we're beginning to see a little bit of depth to her.

Albus is definitely a nice guy, but he is also incredibly naive, especially around Tori. I don't think he's ever been around a girl like that before!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter - thank you so much for the review.

Courtney:)


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Review #34, by Jchrissy Tori

24th April 2013:
Oh my goodness Tori really is a piece of work, isn't she? I wanted her to chop Rebecca's hair off and leave it at that, then for everyone to notice Rebecca when they walked in together. Haha!

I'm actually sort of angry at Albus in this chapter, too. Before I was more annoyed at James for letting a girl come between them in the present day and staying angry at him, but in these chapters I find myself pretty irritated with Albus for the way he lets his and Tori's. relationship... continue and not telling her what a stupid... um...yeah.. (non 12+ word) she is for using his brother the way she does.

BUT Tori is also this amazingly beautiful person, Albus is obviously not as popular as James and not as classically handsome, so he's probably amazed by the kind of attention Tori's giving him.

I LOVE that you keep James the same, btw. He's a bit different with Tori than Charlie obviously, because they're two different people, but he's also still a lot the same. He's caring, but doesn't take crap and can sort of fly off the handle like he does with Charlie's Halloween costume. You're doing an awesome job giving him a different sort of personality with the girls he's dating, but also making it obvious that he's still the same person.

You're characters are all *so* different from one another. I really, really like that. You've given them their own traits and made them their own people... it keeps your story so awesomely addicting!

I'm seriously so excited to find out why Rebecca is so devoted to Tori in present day chapters after Tori treated her so poorly. Maybe she just didn't realize how much she was being walked over.

I tiny part of me is still wanting to sit Tori down and talk about the deep rooted issues making her act like such a.. mean girl! hahahah. I could straighten her up :P! (Not really, she'd scare me).

Author's Response: WHAT? Another review! I feel so spoiled!

Tori is certainly a piece of work - not the type of girl I'd particularly like to be friends with, at any rate. And yep, Albus can be very naive. I think in the next few chapters it starts to become a lot more obvious why he and James are fighting in the present day.

I'm actually really glad to hear you say that James is the same, because I've always been a tad worried that he's too different in the two timelines. But I think Tori brings out the worst in him, Charlie brings out the best in him, giving him a minor shift in personality.

Thanks again for the review!
Courtney:)


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Review #35, by Jchrissy Me

22nd April 2013:
Oh gosh this chapter was such a roller coaster!

Okay, let me rewind to the beginning. Those badges are terrible and I want to rip them all off. These people are so easily manipulated. It's like, they all feel too bad if they aren't helping because Tori had them so wrapped around her finger. I'm sure they do want her to be found, but they don't understand that they're missing out on the chance to get to know a really great girl (Charlie!)

Btw, my sister's name is Charli (no E) so if I ever misspell it, that's why :P

But I wish the school would realize that wearing those badges isn't going to do anything except make a very sweet girl feel bad. At least she has her little group of friends.

The twins were particularly annoying in this chapter, haha. At least they're just sort of air heads and not cruel like Rebecca. That stunt she pulled.. god. I thought at first that might be it, then when you made sure to not have Aine seeing her before they got down to the ball I was pretty positive that's why.

I was so angry at James first for his anger when he had to have known it wasn't Charlie's fault, but then really pleased with him for coming to that conclusion on his own. I guess I have to give him some credit for that and for being so willing to apologize.

Ohhh and now you've made me so much happier with this ending! I love the irony of it. Rebecca gave her the dress to embarrass her and make James angry, or something close to angry, and all it did was bring them closer together. Now that's some good karma!!

I think this is moving along at a really awesome pace. It keeps me really entertained without feeling over exhausting, if that makes sense.

Lovely chapter ♥ as always!

Author's Response: Haha, I do hope that is a good thing!

It really does seem that even though Tori is not around anymore, she still has everyone manipulated and wrapped around her finger, doesn't it? I guess she got her wish - she has definitely been remembered by the majority of the school.

As annoying as the twins are, they are always fun to write. I have to admit, I have a twin sister, as she can be extremely similar to Lavender at times. But no, I don't think they're really cruel at all. And if they are, they certainly don't mean to be.

I think James is always going to be a slightly angry person, especially after his relationship with Tori. But I do think Charlie brings out the best of James, which is why they are so great together!

Thanks for another review!
Courtney:)


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Review #36, by Jchrissy Tori

22nd April 2013:
Oh my gosh Tori makes me want to pull my hair out. You're showing us that she does have a real heart, or at least emotions, somewhere in side of her though because she's absolutely feeling a bit more toward Albus than she should. And not in a 'What will this benefit Tori' kind of way, but you can see she's struggling to drown those out.

Oh goodness, the stunt she pulled with James. I'm not surprised, obviously, but I do just want to strangle James for being so easily manipulated. I wish Tori could just see that everyone being jealous of her won't equate to happiness. She can still be liked without dating James, and she wouldn't be playing a very dangerous game where someone is bound to get hurt.

I'm really anxious to see what has Rebecca so devoted to Tori in the newer chapters. It's not like she was a particularly sweet friend... haha.

Despite the fact that Tori isn't nice to Rebecca, it is nice for her to bring her out of her shell a bit. It's funny to watch Tori talk Rebecca into things, then be surprised when she finds out Rebecca isn't the terrible dull person she thinks. Like when she thinks how pretty Rebecca looks when she smiles, but is immediately jealous of it. I swear, this girl needs some serious therapy.

Awesome chapter, Courtney! Frustrating, but lovely ;)!.

Author's Response: Hi Jami! It's nice to see you back here again:)

Haha, Tori is definitely a very...frustrating character to put it politely but I think you're right about her having a real heart very, very deep down!

Tori is definitely a very manipulative person and poor James is just one of the many that has been pulled under her spell. And no, Tori was certainly never a good friend to Becky!

Thanks so much for the lovely review.

Courtney:)


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Review #37, by RoseWeasley7 Me

19th April 2013:
That was a really good story, I only have one question: was Tori's baby Albus's or James's?
You're a really talented writer, thanks for writing such a good story!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review - it's really up to your own imagination who you decide Tori's baby was, but my head canon is that it was James.
Courtney:)


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Review #38, by free elf 25 Me

17th April 2013:
OH MY GOD! It's the end...an amazingly written end at that. All so sweet and happy ending-ish, even if it did start with a corpse and a funeral. It was amazing, and I can't believe we won't be reading another chapters from Charlie anymore! Still, it was a beautiful story, so thank you.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm really happy you enjoyed this story!
Courtney:)


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Review #39, by hanie87 Me

17th April 2013:
thank you thank you! i loved the story and i'm sad its over but i also loved how it ended!
thank you again! and congrats
xx

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!
Courtney:)


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Review #40, by Loop Me

17th April 2013:
This was an AMAZING STORY! So interesting and I LOOVED How you wrote Tori (especially her last emotional chapter)!!!

Im So Proud (okay thats weird right? Me being proud?) NONetheless I AM!!!


Well Done

Author's Response: Thank you so much! And I just want to say. thanks for being one of my best, most consistent reviewers! It was always so fun to read your reviews and I'm glad you're proud of me! Am I blushing? I think I am!

Courtney:)


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Review #41, by loony_lovegood101 Me

17th April 2013:
NOOO!!!
IT CAN'T END.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH LIFE? (I HAVE ONE)


...

as you can tell i am extremely upset that this story is finished, i always looked forward to the updates cuz this story was so UNIQUE AND WELL WRITTEN.
awesome last chapter, i think you summed it up perfectly, AND I DON'T WANT IT TO END.
damn. im going to miss this.
i cant wait to read more of your stories

till next time (and there will be one)
lOony

Author's Response: I''M SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE EITHER!

I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and I am so tempted to write a sequel! I would love it if you checked out some of my other stories - reviews always make my day!

Courtney:)


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Review #42, by miluv Me

16th April 2013:
bro, why is it still a wip? you got my hopes up that the story wasn't over yet :(. I wish it wasn't haha, I love your stories. But great as usual, I wouldn't have had it end any other way:) If I can make a suggestion... YOU SHOULD TOTES WRITE A STORY WITH THEM ON THE GRAND TOUR!! They can get enveloped in a mystery that takes from place to place, and it would be soo good bro. so good. ok well bye love you:D

Author's Response: Hehehe, sorry about that! I didn't want to change it to completed until the last chapter was actually posted.

You have no idea how tempted I am to write a sequel right now, I enjoyed writing this story so much! If I get some more requests, I probably will end up writing something, even if it's just a short story or one-shot.

Courtney:)


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Review #43, by the everlasting song Me

12th April 2013:
I really like the characterisation of Charlie and her whole story and I like that Tori is a constant obstacle in her life and James as well the whole gang really,can't wait to see what's next! Please update soon x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review - I really appreciate it.
Courtney:)


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Review #44, by Holly_Mist Me

12th April 2013:
it was a bit of a filler-y chapter - except the end where they found the note of course!
poor rebecca - i feel so bad for her :( i hope they find her body or something and let rebecca have her funeral for tori - i think she deserves that!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Courtney:)


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Review #45, by bester_jester Me

11th April 2013:
Wow this is amazing! I have to say though, when I first started reading, Charlie as a character didnt do much for me. I'm glad I persevered though, because both your writing and your characterization has improved so much.

I like how the two story lines run parallel to each other, in terms of the time of year etc.

For some reason, I don't think she's dead.. Is she dead?!?

Author's Response: Thanks so much - it's great to hear you think I've improved, I've been writing a lot lately!

Thanks again!
Courtney:)


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Review #46, by PolyJuice_ Me

11th April 2013:
OMIGOSHOMIGOSH. SHE KILLED HERSELF? WHAT NO.NO.NO.

*ahem* Spaz attack over.

So when I was looking through your author page looking for a story to review I realised you'd written this story and I knew I had to review it. I've been following it since it was pretty new, and loved every step of the way.

Your characters mature and age well, as if they were real. But even more than that *you* improve. Each chapter gets progressively better, from grammar to flow to everything.

Your plot could not have been better, *coughunlessyoumakeTorialiveagaincough* it's totally original. I've not seen anything like it, and I must say, it's wonderful.

The only thing I'd say is that you rush your chapters. Each chapter has enough events in it that you could stretch them out and expand on details and stuff to make them double the length. Instead of just saying, "I walked to the party where my boyfriend was." you could say something like, "I walked into the party and it was wonderful. There were golden streamers everywhere and I could tell that tonight..."

But aside from that it was superb! Looking forward to the last *gulp* chapter.

Please don't make it end,
Liz.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for review! It makes me so happy to hear that I've actually had a follower since near the beginning of the story - I still remember how excited I was when I got my first ever review.

Thanks again!
Courtney:)


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Review #47, by LittleMissPrincess Me

10th April 2013:
EEEK! THAT WAS A GREAT WAY OF CHARLIE FINDING OUT!
and i guess it was nice that rebecca apologized, and charlie responded well enough.

I KNEW CHARLIE WAS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO SOLVE THE CASE!

also, how could she have been seen in hogsmeade if she was dead? a ghost?

UPDATE SOON, PLEASE! (:

Author's Response: Hahaha, thanks so much! And Charlie was always going to be the one to solve the case, so nice guessing!
Courtney:)


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Review #48, by Younger Wand Me

9th April 2013:
I am in love with this story. Fred makes me laugh so much and i think you've written this so well. i can't wait for more. i am honestly so impressed. i am so addicted, this is so original! you are amazing! i'm waiting for this story to go out with the best bang!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much - I absolutely adore Fred, too. This review seriously made my day - you're amazing too!
Courtney:)


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Review #49, by StayAwayGravity Me

9th April 2013:
I read all the chapters in two days! Yayy :D
I love the way you write Charlie's part and although I don't like Tori as a person her part was incredibly well written as well, especially the chapter with the flashbacks and the suicide.
Can't wait for the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Wow, I'm so glad you enjoyed it enough to read it that quickly. Thanks for the review!
Courtney:)


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Review #50, by RoseWeasley7 Me

9th April 2013:
This is really good! I'm secretly hoping that Tori survived and hid herself and her baby away somewhere, but that's unlikely. I feel sorry for Rebecca and I think Al and James should just get over what happened between them, it's been a year! Family is more important than girls, James is with Charlie now- he should be over Tori!!!

Author's Response: Thank you! And thanks for the review.
Courtney:)


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