Reading Reviews for The Art of Small Talk
  
91 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ChemistryCat Quidditch Confrotations

6th August 2014:
I love Verity!! I find her very similar to my own best friend! I hope she matchmakes Draco with Astoria (can you shape her similar to luna, I think he needs a little loony in her life)
Loving the story
PS blood is alkaline, just a pet peeve as a science student. Another thing I love about the story is the chemistry (pun intended)!!

Author's Response: Yay for Verity, she is a ton of fun and don't worry because you might just be right there ;) Haha, thanks for telling me that I'll definitely change it but yay for science as it's always fun :D

-Kiana


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Review #27, by nott theodore An Interlude of Fame

3rd August 2014:
Hey Kiana!

Okay, first of all you need to stop writing/updating so quickly because I was congratulating myself on actually having a chance of catching up on this and then you go and post another chapter :P

Ah, this was great again, I loved the way that Audrey's thought process was when it started and she woke up in a strange place and couldn't remember what had happened the night before with Oliver. And Oliver was actually surprisingly nice and calm about it, even though nothing happened and he basically woke up to her running out on him (although she did have work so she wasn't quite making excuses to leave). Him asking her to go for lunch was really cute as well, and nice of him after she fell asleep in his bed fully clothed and tried to run away.

Audrey's voice, as ever, is really strong and absolutely hilarious. I want to quote some of my favourite lines back to you, because I was laughing out loud and getting strange looks for it, but it would probably be half the chapter and take up all the characters that I've got left in this review box, so I'm not going to. But you've got such a great talent when it comes to characterisation as well as humour, because you manage to create such vivid characters who have very real and believable personalities, and it's really awesome to read stories with characters like Audrey in this.

Aw, I felt really sorry for Draco in this chapter when they were in Audrey's room and she had to annoy him into admitting what was wrong. It's so unfair that there are people who are trying to get him chucked off the Potioneering course, because even though he did do things that he regretted and things that were wrong, he's trying to start afresh and how is he meant to do that if people won't let him even have a job? (The comment about killing the fly made me laugh so much, it fit in so well with Audrey's internal monologue and just flowed really well, but it was absolutely hilarious!) It's great that Audrey's decided she's going to help him though, even if it's going to be harder than she originally thought. I hope that she manages to do something and I'm really interested to see what it is she'll come up with to help him! One of the other things that I love about this story is seeing the way that Audrey interacts with all the canon characters that we already know as well, because she manages to fit into this world so well.

Haha, I was laughing so much when I saw the way that she reacted to seeing Harry and Ginny when she was on her date with Oliver, getting really nervous about talking to them and knowing what to say when I know that eventually she's actually going to be related to them and have to spend time with them properly.

Ooh, I love how Percy's starting to creep in more and more even though Audrey keeps telling herself that she doesn't care about him at all and doesn't like him. It was really interesting to see that even when she was on a date with Oliver, thoughts of Percy were still in her mind, like when she realised that Ginny was his sister. Oh no, now I'm worried that Oliver's going to turn out to be a bad guy and something bad is going to happen to Audrey because of it - so instead I'm hoping that it's just Percy being a little bit jealous of Oliver and everything will be fine!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian!

Bahaha, I'm sorry but I mainly update every month so it's not too quick :P

Yes, Oliver and Audrey are full of contrasts I have to say, except that they're both kind of party loving so I guess there's a similarity there for them. I had to make nice and sweet though because no matter what happens in this story with him I still really love him as a character and I will try and not be too mean to him as he's just so cute.

Hahahaha, I'm sorry you were given strange looks but just hearing that made me laugh a little too much too :P Don't worry about not quoting them, it means so much to me that you find it funny so that in itself is enough for me! I'm so glad that you find Audrey believable and realistic because that's always my biggest fear when it comes to writing as my first character was the biggest Mary-Sue ever, so I really don't want to make the same mistakes again.

I know, it's so sad that he has to keep up with all these battles and it's only really Audrey who supports him and believes in him here. As for the job, you'll have to wait and see in the coming chapters (meaning the ones after 11) as things start to change dramatically for Draco and there will be lots of explanations too, so don't worry. I'm glad that you find Audrey interacts with the canon characters well though as it was a fun challenge for me! But she's almost acting like a mother hen to Draco right now so it is rather amusing to see :P

Yes, she can be such a fangirl at times! I don't know how she ever ends up marrying Percy because I'm surprised she doesn't freak the family out by getting all excited about them all the time.

Yes, he is quite a creeper in a not too weird I hope sense, as for Audrey's mutterings about him, she can keep telling herself that but it might all start to change soon. There is some jealously in there with Oliver but he shouldn't be too bad as bad guys go... :P

Thanks for another amazing review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #28, by nott theodore An Exit with Oliver

2nd August 2014:
Hi again, Kiana! Back for another chapter in a day, I'm far too proud of myself for this :P

Audrey's just such a fun character to read about, and I love the way that you capture her so well and she feels so original. Each chapter I've read so far of this story has just left me with a massive smile on my face because it makes me laugh so much and I'm really loving this so far!

Audrey made me laugh a lot at the beginning of this chapter when she was panicking as much as her Granny does when someone told her that there was someone there waiting for her. It fits so well with her character and the sort of rapid thought process that's so endearing in this story. She seems to get distracted quite easily, especially by men (not that I blame her with the way that you've described James, to be honest) when she's meant to be concentrating on other things. I loved the way she was walking along and then it was just like 'oh, hello, James!' and she couldn't stop herself looking at him. I seriously want Audrey to be my friend right now because she makes me laugh so much :P

The characters you've created in this story are so vivid and we're only three chapters in, so that's a massive achievement. Jemima was so brilliant, the way that she's just sprawled out there like she owns the place, and I liked Audrey's sarcasm and sassiness too, the way that she's not afraid of retorting to her friend. Haha, when Audrey said that she might sneeze in front of the Minister for Magic at this event at the Prophet, I couldn't help but think that she'd probably end up embarrassing herself by something much worse than that, if the party at George's was anything to go by...

I also love the way that she's blaming the smirks she's picking up on the fact that she's spending so much time with Draco :P

Normally I try not to do too much of this (and I'm going to have to limit myself to just a few) but I have to pick out some of my favourite quotes from this chapter because there were just so many great lines!
'(I'm not a vampire, I just like the dark)' - so funny!
''Thank Merlin I got Draco as an intern because I get to put my smirking into action here.'
'Obviously this has nothing to do with the topless shoot he did in Witch Weekly last week, and nothing to do with the fact that Verity and I spent several minutes just staring at it in awe. Nothing to do with it at all.' - love this so much!

Audrey's getting ready process was really brilliant and reminded me a lot of mine, minus the cat hair and the napping because I never have time for that and I'm always late anyway :P It was so chaotic but so like Audrey (this is why she should be real and then we can be friends).

The party at the Prophet offices was really fun to read about - I definitely wasn't expecting Oliver to make an appearance! I sensed a bit of a change in the way that Audrey thinks of Percy though maybe, when she realised that he's working at the Ministry to try and get more equality and things (your description of a conservative was hilarious!). Although naturally she got distracted by Oliver and I can't blame her to be honest - I'm intrigued to see what's going to happen next!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Yay, hi again, Sian and this is the second review of yours I've answered today so go us! :D

Bahaha, yes, she has that habit, especially when writing her which is why I think I won NaNo so quickly because she really was so much fun to write.

Aw, yay for more Audreyness! She does have a tendency to be a hypochondriac but as you said with having Granny Lucy in her life it was bound to happen. Luckily, it turned out to be nothing at all because I think if something did happen she might just faint from the excitement of it all. Hmm, James is good looking, eh? Well, just as a little hint keep an eye on all James things related as it might give you a spoiler or too about what's going to happen next in the story. Aw, you can have her as a fictional friend, but I get what you mean because life must be crazy with her! :P

Aw, thank you so much, Sian, that means so much to me :D Jemimia is definitely another favourite of mine because even though Audrey is ridiculous, Jemima is even more ridiculous with the way she really has no shame at times. Ha, Audrey was actually quite well behaved at this party which was a surprise because no one was child minding her all night and she didn't do anything too stupid so maybe she's going up in the world!

Yup, it's all Draco's fault!

Aw, thank you so much, I'm so glad that you liked them and Audrey's rambles aren't too crazy for you :P

Haha yes, it was inspired by mine too and it made me realise how much time I really do spend procrastinating when I just have to get dressed. Okay, we'll try and make Audrey real, Sian, so she can be all our friends, how about that? :P

Ha, everyone was caught out by Oliver especially with what's to come in the next few chapters so just watch and wait really :P Yes, this is my liberal, rights to everyone side coming out here with subtle Conservative bashing and making Audrey like Percy a little more because things do tend to go upwards from now on.

Thanks for another amazing review, Sian :D

-Kiana


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Review #29, by nott theodore The Morning After the Night Before

2nd August 2014:
Hi again, Kiana!

Yay, it's great to get a chance to come back to this story again, because I really loved the first chapter! I'm hoping that I'll actually be able to catch up with this before it's finished though, unlike with AAO :P

Audrey has such a great voice, it feels very original and unique to read and I feel like I know her so well already, even though I've only read two chapters of this story so far. You're really good at writing humourous characters and someone whose mind is a bit crazy (because there's this constant barrage of thoughts which makes me laugh so much, but I can't imagine living like that :P). I laughed so much when she was getting ready to go out in the morning and still suffering from the night before, and everything was such an obstacle to her. It's kind of refreshing to read from the point of view of a character who doesn't seem completely obsessed with her appearance and is more believable, because she feels awful and doesn't care what people think of how she looks.

Oh my goodness, I wasn't expecting that something had happened between Percy and Audrey at the party after she went and said those things to him, that's such a brilliant twist! I was really intrigued to see how you'd develop any sort of romance after their first encounter in this story and now I think it's going to be even more fun than before. Poor Audrey, though, with those pictures all over the Daily Owl! I liked your idea of creating that, by the way, as a sort of tabloid magazine in the wizarding world. It's just so typical already that her life would end up splashed over something like that!

Penelope Clearwater was not what I expected her to be either, and I think you've done a great job of coming up with a really original portrayal of her! Because she's a Ravenclaw I think that most people assume she won't be concerned about boyfriends but I can sense that there's going to be some rivalry and trouble going on here for Audrey, even if she doesn't actually like Percy yet, so I'm looking forward to seeing that!

I really liked all the different characters that you introduced in this chapter as well, because it was nice to get more of an insight into Audrey's life and the people who are important to her. The friendship between the girls was well written, as well as the backgrounds that we got for them - Jemima especially, as she's new to us.

I love Granny Lucy! She's such a brilliant character and I don't think that older people manage to have a big role in stories like this one usually, so I loved her appearance and the way that you described her so vividly! The tie-in there is really nice as well, as both of Percy and Audrey's daughters will be named after their mothers/mother figures.

I wanted to give Draco a big hug at the end of this chapter, he was so cute! I like the way that Audrey doesn't seem to have really been involved in the war so she's not got the same prejudices as some people might have, although she does realise that there are things in Draco's past that might mean he doesn't want to use Muggle remedies. It's cool that Audrey's exploring those though, and I liked the way that you brought them in - it was great to see the way that she thought of Draco too, more like someone she can have as a bit of a pet than someone she's really mentoring. The comment about turning him against authority was my favourite there, I think!

This was a fantastic chapter and I'll be back for some more soon!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Whoo, hi again, Sian! :D

It means so much to me that you liked Audrey because a lot of the time she's the exact clone of Percy and boring and serious too, whereas I think Percy's more likely to marry the polar opposite of him as they'll bring him out more, hence the way Audrey is. I'm so glad that you liked her internal ramblings too because I had a little too much fun writing those so I may have gotten carried away with them... :P I'm glad that you liked the change in her because I really just wanted to show a different side to someone here and that they're just bit crazy but go with the flow so it's all okay.

Bahaha, yes, something did happen though whether the thing is a good thing for their romance is the questionable... :P The Daily Mail and the way it writes about celebrities may have been my inspiration for the Daily Owl I have to say (if you even look at the name :P), because it's just so cruel to people and rips them apart and makes up stories sort of like with Audrey and Percy. I guess it does eventually draw them together...

Penelope Clearwater was probably the character I had the most fun with in this story because writing evil characters is way too much fun as you can really delve into another world with them. The rivalry will definitely continue on until a very, very bitter end shall I say, I can't give away more but Penelope really does give it her all.

I'm really glad that you liked the insight into Audrey's life. I understand if you did get a bit lost as there are so many new people in this chapter it's a little crazy, but hopefully in a few chapter's time all of it will make sense again.

Aw, thank you, I have to admit she is based a little upon my own granny so it was so much fun to write because of that. I know what you mean about older people in stories, but after writing Granny Lucy it's made me want to include even more of them. Haha, yes, I had always wondered who the Lucy was so that's partly why Granny Lucy is in this story.

Yay for Draco love, that's another aim in this story to make people more Audrey like and accept Draco for who he is. I'm so glad that you liked their relationship though because it's possibly the strangest one I've ever explored but it's been so fun for that reason too as I never knew which way it was going to go really.

Thanks for a fantastic review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #30, by DancingMooncalf Awkwardness Abound

30th July 2014:
I think it mean to leave me hanging like that... I was just really getting into the story, I really really want to know what the letter said and where Audrey goes and who it was from and all those crucial things... but I have to wait now.
Please don't make me wait to long!

I love the story to bits btw. I haven't really been able to put it down since I started reading yesterday.

Author's Response: Haha, do not fear chapter 11 is up now and chapter 12 should be making it's way to HPFF soon, so you can find out things soon! Thank you so much though and it's great to hear you like the story so much and this review has really left me smiling! :D

-Kiana


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Review #31, by nott theodore Introductory Measures

18th July 2014:
Hi Kiana!

Now I've finally finished Against All Odds I've let myself come and get started on this story - hopefully it doesn't take me too long to catch up this time!

This was such a great first chapter, and I'm so impressed with the fact that you started writing this during NaNo because you really can't tell that it's been written so quickly! The only few minor things I spotted were some missing speech marks at the end of some of Verity's sentences, but that's nothing major really.

I loved your characterisation of Audrey here. I know that this is only the first chapter but I already feel like I've got to know her well from this because you've written her so vividly. Her sarcastic narration is absolutely fantastic and I loved the way that you introduced us to different aspects of her life. The opening of this chapter was so funny, with Audrey completely forgetting the intern's name and not knowing how to address them at all. And then the fact that it was Draco just made it even better because I didn't realise who that was in the story and just expected it to be some general character that you'd made up, rather than Draco! But I think including Draco in here was great because it helps link Audrey in to the world that we know more. And her making all those accidental comments about teaching a Death Eater how to become a Potioneer really made me laugh as well.

All the other characters that you introduced at St. Mungo's were great too, and I loved the way that Audrey thought about Eileen and James!

I think my favourite part of this was the way that Audrey and Verity were talking to each other, because Verity really reminded me of some of my more pushy friends and the way that she deconstructed all of Audrey's points made me laugh a lot! And I thought it was a great way of getting Audrey somehow connected to the Weasleys - I've never read a story before when Audrey and Percy were kind of set up together, and I thought that was a fantastic idea!

The party was great as well, I loved the way that Audrey was just suddenly launched at Percy and forced to go and talk to him. And the way that the title of the story linked in straight away was brilliant. Making small talk is really difficult, especially with people like Percy, so I totally empathised with Audrey there. But Percy made me laugh, he was so obnoxious and arrogant and it was great to see the way that she turned round and proved him wrong straight away! This is going to be great!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian!! Yay you caught up on this story too so hopefully I can catch up on all your fantastic reviews soon too :D Thank you so much for them, as they really have made me smile!

Ooh thanks for telling me that, I've been meaning to edit this story for those sorts of things for a while now but I just haven't gotten round to it because of laziness so I definitely will make sure I get to them asap!

Aw, thank you so much, it means so much to me that you like Audrey as she is possibly my favourite character out of all the ones I've ever written so I'm smiling way too much now. Also, the fact she made sense to you too is another bonus because I was worried that her thoughts were a little frantic and crazy so that's great you could follow them. Haha, yes, Draco is a little surprise here, and i never intended for them to be such great friends as they end up to be, but it's really fun to explore Draco with someone who only knows him from after the war.

Yay for those characters as those two in particular play a very important role later on so just watch and wait I should say!

Yes, we all have those pushy friends who always think they know best for us and are acting out of love when it doesn't always seem like that to the others. Yes, this Verity is actually the Verity who was working at the shop in HBP, so I thought it would be fun to make her Audrey's friend so she already is connected to them in one way.

Yes, Audrey certainly does hold back when she gets started but I suppose that's what makes Audrey and Percy so great together as they learn to soften their views for one another.

Thank you so much for a fantastic review, Sian, it made me smile so much! :D

-Kiana


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Review #32, by magnolia_magic An Exit with Oliver

10th July 2014:
Whoa. Hot Oliver alert! Haha, I should have expected it, but it still caught me a little off guard. In a good way, though, definitely! It's fun to see familiar faces. And I think you're doing the right thing by playing coy with us and not jumping into Percy/Audrey right away. It makes the journey much more fun :)

I was surprised to see Jemima turn up at Audrey's workplace acting so completely different from how I imagined her character. She seemed so straight-laced and cautious in chapter 2, but clearly that is not the case. I'm excited to see how the rest of your characters develop, and what surprises they have in store. I'm not sure how to think about Jemima now, but I think her character will start to take a more defined shape as she appears more. Looking forward to it :)

The getting-ready scene could have been shorter, I think. While it was funny and perfectly showcased Audrey's zany inner voice, I personally would have preferred to see some of that space used at the party scene, moving the plot forward. Those kinds of scenes are where this story really shines, I think, because we get to see Audrey's "small talk" misadventures in action. It's amazing to me how fast her mind works and the sheer amount of thoughts she can have at any given moment. The things Audrey actually says are just the tip of the 'berg in comparison :)

Anyway. That was rambly. Haha, Audrey must be rubbing off on me :P

I was really happy to see Audrey start to form a slightly more positive opinion of Percy at the party. Her view of conservatives is really unforgiving, and it shows that she has strong and passionate opinions. I just hope she starts to rethink her opinion of Percy eventually, and I can't wait to see it happen!

Another great chapter, Kiana! Keep up the awesome work :)

--Maggie
House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Haha, yes Oliver does pop up a lot more from now and you can expect a few other familiar faces from canon to through Audrey and Percy a little off track for the moment in time, so don't worry too much about them for now as they will be developed a lot more later on!

Haha, yes, Jemima is a tricky one to gauge as she has shape-shifter qualities in a way and you can never really be certain of what she'll be like next but I hope you like her in the end.

Hahaha, yes I know what you mean about the getting ready scene and I definitely will review it soon as I might actually have some time then. I'm glad that you liked the party scene and Audrey's small talk woven in then as it was really funny to include that.

Hmm, Percy, Percy, Percy, I wouldn't think that that too quickly shall I say but I guess though their relationship starts badly it does develop and go upwards from this point.

Thanks for a fab review, Maggie! :D

-Kiana


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Review #33, by magnolia_magic The Morning After the Night Before

10th July 2014:
Kiana! I'm making it my goal in life to completely catch up on this story, because I had such a great time reading the first chapter. And if this chapter is any indication, the rest of it is definitely going to be a fun ride :)

I'm still loving Audrey's voice. I definitely feel like I'm listening in on her thoughts, because the narration is so random and scattered at times. She goes off on tangents and obsesses over little details, and clearly spends a fair amount of time feeling self-conscious. I love being able to tell those things about her personality just by the tone of the writing. Awesome job!

Audrey seems like such a wild child, so it was a relief for me to see that she has level headed friends to balance her manic energy. Jemima is adorable, and Verity is very practical (and a little sly--love it!).

The only minor (very minor) issue I had with this chapter is the length, and the amount of jumping from scene to scene. Maybe it's just because I haven't taken much time to sit down and read in a long time, but I felt a bit overwhelmed with how much was going on in this chapter. But I loved all the content, so I wouldn't suggest cutting it out. And I've seen that all your chapters are about this length, and consistency is good. I'll just have to get used to the pacing :)

I loved all the supporting characters you brought in (and there were so many!) Penelope is just deliciously evil, and I can see a catfight coming in the future. And Audrey's family is funny--especially Granny Lucy!. I can definitely see where she gets her oddball tendencies :) Wonderful job at fleshing out these characters with just one introduction. I'm looking forward to seeing more of them!

Great chapter, Kiana! I can't wait to read on!

--Maggie
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey Maggie, yay I hope you do as that would mean a ton from me :D

I'm so glad that you liked it because it was so much fun to write. It also means a ton to me because this was written during NaNo so sometimes her warbles were rather excessive, so trimming them down was rather hard.

Yes, her friends aren't very prominent in this chapter but they will continue to develop further on and hopefully rein Audrey in.

I know, this is a lot bigger than my usual chapter size too, but I just couldn't help it because no matter how much I tried to cut it down it just wouldn't go down :P OH well, at least I was consistent as you said.

Penelope, Penelope, Penelope, erm yes, you could call her that but wait and see as she may be a little worse than that ;) Yay for Granny Lucy, have no fear she'll continue to appear in this no matter what!

Thanks for a great review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #34, by Infinityx Papa-Paparazzi

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 review, Educational Decree #3

Hi again!

I kind of guessed that was a camera flash. I should have thought it would be Rita Skeeter though. Who else is rude enough to interrupt a person's private moment and in a restricted box, even? That moment with Percy and Penelope was just...odd. What did Percy want? I'm a little confused with what happened. I do think Audrey should get a bit more background info on Oliver before they go any further though. What if there's some truth to what Percy told her?

Aw, Verity is such a sweetheart! I love her for standing up for Draco! And that mention about Astoria and Daphne in the end! Are you going to turn this into a sub plot which shows how Draco and Astoria get together? I'd love to read that!

Lovely chapter, again!

Author's Response: Hi Erin!

Yay go you! Of course it's Rita Skeeter, she's so horrible and horrible and I want to throw things at her for doing this. With Percy he's just being a little odd and having an old argument with Penelope basically, but don't worry about Oliver, she will look more into him later on.

Wooh go Verity! As for Draco and Astoria you will just have to watch and wait but maybe also check the ship list for this story as it might give you a hint of what's to come ;)

Thanks again for another fab review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #35, by Infinityx Quidditch Confrotations

8th July 2014:
House cup 2014 review, Educational Decree #3

Hi again! Looks like I'm finally catching up on this story!

It's so nice that Audrey's friends are being so open-minded about Draco. I love how Audrey uses her appearance to her advantage and tries to appear all cute.

I love that conversation between Audrey and Draco as well as it gives a lot of insight into her personality and what she believes. I also love it whenever Draco makes an appearance in this story.

ugh, Penelope is horrible. What is her problem? She can't still be jealous that Audrey was seen with Percy. AND THAT FINAL FLASH. WHAT HAPPENED. I'M GOING TO READ ON NOW.

~Erin

Author's Response: Hi again Erin! And yes, you are, go you!

I'm so glad that you liked her friends as they are dear to me, and I guess as she's so liberal and a bit cray cray, it makes sense that hers are too. I'm so glad that you're loving Draco though as he's just so much fun to write and a babe and I love him, and yeah he's perfect ♥

But hate on Penelope as she is one to watch and watch as in watch big time. Erm, she might have another agenda but watch and wait because that girl can hold grudges like no one else can!

Thanks for another fab review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #36, by LightLeviosa5443 Bleak and Bleaker

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review - Education Decree #3
Hi!
I'm so excited TO BE FINALLY CAUGHT !!
Oh my gosh, Audrey is cracking me up with being all nervous and panicking that she's pregnant. HAHA OH MY GOSH HE LOOKED OVER AT HER. That's priceless. So priceless. Oh Kiana you silly girl, you. I wonder what was in the letter that made Oliver swear and be so rude to Audrey. Poor thing :( I just want to cuddle her now. Especially since you used the line "For the second time in two days words cut across my heart." Audrey is too nice to deserve this.

LOL the line "Audrey, this is magic, not some twisted Muggle thing which goes wrong all the time." That's so perfect. I believe pure-blooded people following that line of thought, too. I still think it's funny that not only is Audrey panicking but she's getting checked. Oh my. What on earth are you planning here?

POOR AUDREY WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO TERRIBLY FOR HER UGH I WANT TO CUDDLE HER. At least she's not pregnant, right?
PERCY IT'S PERCY

PERCY AND AUDREY 5EVER.

I'm going to eagerly await the next chapter, also, you're welcome for the nomination, totally deserving

xoxo Sarah ♥
(i'm throwing in another one for good measure)
House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #3

Author's Response: Yayay, hi Sarah! :D Hahaha, well another new chapter is up now so you are sort of caught up but not so yeah :P

Yes, Audrey, isn't having the best time right now with a maybe pregnancy and maybe having Oliver ditch her. It will be figured out in the end but cuddle her now, as she is too nice for all of this crap which is going on right now.

Bahaha, I'm glad you liked that as Purebloods making Muggle jokes is just the best thing ever and I love doing it so much as it's just so ridiculous. But I wasn't planning anything, Audrey was just taking precautions as she is a sensible person :P

I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST A BAD DAY, THE NEXT CHAPTER IS A LOT NICER TO HER. SORT OF. YOU WILL SEE :P And no she isn't pregnant so that's one yay! :D

Percy and Audrey are so fab and will be together 5eva!

Thanks for another great review and thanks again for the nomination! :D

-Kiana


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Review #37, by Infinityx An Interlude of Fame

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 review, Educational Decree #3

Hi Kiana! I can't believe I haven't caught up with this story! Audrey is as unpredictable as ever. And she was with Oliver. Wow. How did that happen? I'm a little excited since I was kind of rooting for them anyway. Aw, he asked her out on a date! How cute! Poor Audrey, she's so awkward when it comes to Quidditch.

Percy's warning is weird though. What does he know? I'm so curious.

I love how you've brought Draco into this, like I've already told you. And that reference to Gran in every chapter is awesome.

Great chapter again!

Author's Response: Hi Erin!

Haha, don't worry! Yes, Audrey and Oliver are a bit random but it will sort of make sense in the end. Yup, Quidditch and her definitely do not mix, but hopefully it won't be so bad, or will it? :P

He knows something so you should be curious! I'm really glad that you liked Draco's cameo as it was so much fun to write as he really is a babe and deserves all of this screen time and I'm going to stop before I go on a why I love Draco rant thing :P

Thanks for the fab review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #38, by LightLeviosa5443 April Fool's

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review
Hi!

I'm so excited to read this chapter and get caught up on this story!!

LOL KIANA. How do you start off a chapter so hilariously. Why is Audrey torturing Draco with taking Muggle transportation? Ooh, she's trying to broaden his horizons, so to say. That makes sense, okay. Well then that's so sweet of her to be willing to take him on a trip to show him that the muggle world isn't so bad!

Ew yeah, please don't have him throw up! You can do it, Draco! You can do it! Though I am extremely entertained at the idea of Draco in a muggle museum. :P I mean the tube was a big deal, and now a museum? He's probably never going to forgive Audrey, or he's going to end up liking it in the end. That's my guess.

HAHA Oh my gosh she pawned him off on Astoria. I really liked the way you wrote Astoria, it's interesting and fun!! LOL George logic. Starting a business that is worldwide with your brother is obviously easier than planning a party. DUH. Oh my gosh. This is going to be a disaster. George's Birthday can never be a good thing... WAIT ARE WE GOING TO GET AN AUDREY PERCY SCENE NOW?!

Well, I mean, I'm guilty of making a family tree for all of the next-gen characters. Not that I need it anymore. But once upona time I did. OH NO DON'T HURT PERCY. UGH. KIANA WHY ARE YOU MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT?!

This was a wonderful chapter, I loved it :)

xoxo Sarah ♥
(i'm throwing in another one for good measure)
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sarah! Yay I'm excited for you too :P

Bahaha, erm, I don't know, I think she just thought it would be a fab way and if anyone brought out the fact he was a Death Eater she can be like ha he went on the tube he can't be that bad.

Erm, yeah throwing up is a little disgusting so of course I could never let that happen. As for him liking his Muggle day out you will find out in the next few chapters, I can't remember which one exactly but you willl.

I'm so glad that you liked Astoria as it was really fun to write another spin of her and that's why characters with no backstories are so much fun. Yes, the party is going to be a disaster sort of, you did get a sort of scene there, but this is the beginning of the end for something or one I should say after that ends there will be a lot more Percy Audreyness so whoo!

I AM SORRY. IT WILL BE BETTER IN A BIT. DO NOT WORRY. IT WILL BE SORT OF OKAY! :D

Thanks for the great review, lovely! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #39, by MissesWeasley123 Bleak and Bleaker

8th July 2014:
OKAY LOLOL LOL I CANNOT.

OHMYGOD. I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS DYING OF LAUGHTER OVER HERE: The poor potentially existing baby. SERIOUSLY I CRY OF LAUGHTER. I know it's a serious topic lolol but it is so funny haha :P The way she says potentially omg :O best thing ever

Also, have I told you how much I love Audrey's potty mouth? i actually love it a lot. I live for her potty mouth. LOL. I cannot handle. She reminds me so much of you and especially the way you talk Kiana ahaha. ALSO I AM EVIL FOR ADDING ONTO YOUR REVIEWS AHAHA. You love me. ehehe. Oliver is also a total babe still though kinda a jerk and mysterious hm who owled and also Jemima's a good friend and Audrey and her Grandma Lucy BEST THING EVER. "She's going to kill me" thing was the best thing most likely not the exact words but you Know :P

CONGRATS ON BREAKING ZE RULES I LOVED THIS CHAPTER YO UPDATE SOON!? I really love your writing you talented mind and person.
Educational decree #3 and House cup review 2014 LET'S GO GRYFFINDORS AND BRAZIL SCREW GERMANY.

Author's Response: YOU CAN. YOU CAN.

Bahahaha, it's cool, if she wasn't talking a load of crap in a really serious moment, I think a lot would be wrong with Audrey, so let's just all celebrate the randomness she sprouts all the time.

Bahaha, I'm so glad that you liked her pottymouth, but gah, I'm really worried I'm talking a load of crap all the time so I will be very careful with what I say in the future now :P Erm, yeah, Olvier, erm yeah, is all I can say, so you will have to wait, erm yeah, okay? Okay. (don't know why a TFiOS quote came out but it did)

Whoo, I ♥ breaking da rulez. Thank you so much for this fab review but bahaha Germany rules :P

-Kiana


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Review #40, by ravenclaw14 Bleak and Bleaker

17th June 2014:
Loving the story so far!! And when are we going to get some more Audrey/Percy?? (sorry they're pretty cute :P) Anyways, great story, update soon please!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you, you will get some of them soon so don't worry at all! Thanks for a great review and I will hopefully update soon! :D

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Review #41, by potterhead Bleak and Bleaker

6th June 2014:
This chapter felt sadder than the rest but was still good. I hope that Oliver isn't as bad as he seems to be now as I do like him, but I can't help but wonder where he left too and then what Jemima said. I think the letter's from Percy, it sounds like him and relates to him, so it must be. Perhaps those two could be together.

Author's Response: Yes, it definitely did have a much more muted tone but I'm glad that you liked nonetheless! Like usual, don't judge too early, especially with Oliver as we still have a lot more of his story to go! Yay for Percy being nice, I said he would change! Thanks again for these amazing review! :D

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Review #42, by potterhead April Fool's

6th June 2014:
Draco and Astoria are together!1! Sort of. I liked that he's getting all Mugglefied thanks to Audrey and hopefully Astoria will make him into a better person too as I do think he is nice deep down. George and Angelina were cute together too! The party was very interesting though I can't decide if I hate Percy or not. Sometimes he's nice then he's all moody, STOP CHANGING!

Author's Response: They are, well, sort of! But still I'm so glad that you liked them being together as they are more guilty pleasure. Erm, yes, the party did show a new side to Percy but hopefully in the coming chapters you'll have a much better idea of him and he won't change so much! Thanks for a great review :D

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Review #43, by potterhead One Bombshell, Two Bombshell, Three Bombshell, Four.

6th June 2014:
I hate Eileen too, you're very good at writing annoying characters I have to say. So James is gay? I wonder what this will mean for Audrey... Percy was quite nice here, though I feel so bad for Audrey yelling all that stuff and he was there *awkward turtle* oh well, it was funny for me. Also, I hope this means Astoria and Draco will be together soon!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! And yes he is and it definitely will mean something so pay attention! Whoo for Percy he is lovely really! Thanks for a fab review:D

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Review #44, by potterhead Papa-Paparazzi

6th June 2014:
Ew, Rita Skeeter, I really hate her and I wish she would go and die and stop ruining people's lives. We got a lot more action in this chapter and the kissing was written well so thank you for that. The ending with Verity and the others standing up for Draco was very moving as it's sad how much people hate him though I want him and Astoria to be together now!

Author's Response: Yes, Skeeter is very ew worthy so I am with you here! Aw, I'm glad you liked the kiss as I always thought I sucked at them! But whoo people power and thanks for this fab review! :D

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Review #45, by potterhead Quidditch Confrotations

6th June 2014:
I really like Audrey's friends now we know them a lot more as they make me a laugh a lot and are very entertaining. I think Jemima and Verity might get Draco to go out with Astoria and if that's the case it's cool you're writing about them too. The Quidditch match at the end was very exciting with the way Oliver went and kissed as we got some action ;) Though I have a feeling the flash isn't a good thing.

Author's Response: Aw, I'm lgad you like them as they are very dear to me! Haha, yes, Draco and Astoria definitely do play a part so don't worry! Whoo for action, though you are right, the flash sort of ruined it! Thanks for the great review :D

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Review #46, by potterhead An Interlude of Fame

6th June 2014:
Ok, I think I want her and Oliver together as he was very sweet this morning even though he thought Audrey was running out on him, they need to get together now as only one date so far isn't enough for me so I hope they get some more action ;) Percy is very weird and still quite annoying, but I imagine he will change to be with Audrey.

Author's Response: Aw, you settled on one then! Haha, Audrey and Oliver are very funny together but maybe things will change making it easier for you. Poor Percy, he does get nicer, don't worry! Thanks for the review :D

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Review #47, by potterhead An Exit with Oliver

6th June 2014:
This chapter was very funny. I like Jemima a lot as she is unusual and I can't wait to see more of her. Audrey's thoughts were very vibrant, especially when she was getting ready which was funny. The ending was great, but now I'm not sure if I want her and Oliver to be together or her and Percy.

Author's Response: Hi again, yes, Jemima and Audrey are very different but I'm glad that you liked them! Ha, I always shipping one pair from the beginning to end, but I'm glad you liked Oliver enough to ship them together too! Thanks for the great review :D

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Review #48, by potterhead Introductory Measures

6th June 2014:
It was a very enjoyable first chapter and Audrey made me a laugh a lot. I like that she's trying to help Draco and I hope we get to see more of him later. Percy is annoying.

Author's Response: Whoo, thanks for the great reviews, Percy does suck now, but hopefully you'll like him later on! :D

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Review #49, by Miss Undaztood Black April Fool's

7th May 2014:
So I was reading through the rest of the chapters, looking for one to leave CC on, and I really struggled to find anything I didn't say in my first review. There are a small number of minor spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing that detracts from the story.

As you've got more confident and comfortable with the characters and story, and you know you've laid all the foundations for the reader, the story has a better flow and is easier to engage with.

There were a few specific lines/words in this chapter that I picked out that could be improved, so I'll run through those in the order they appear:
- 'Ron and Bill are looking after it. Bill wanted to get out of the house as Victoire’s in a vicious mood because Fleur wouldn’t let have some new ballet shoes or whatever, and Ron wanted to come help because Hermione was just reading at home and that was too boring for him.' This is said by George, and is more an example of something to watch out for. It's speech, but it doesn't read as a believable speech pattern, especially not a casual one. There are times in speech where your characters explain things for the sake of the reader, as the other characters already know, and while the exposition is necessary, there might be better ways of explaining things.
- 'The point is of a surprise is to be shocked.' The first 'is' needs taking out.
- 'You should have picked it up as I looked even more excited than usual.' Another example of the exposition thing. Most people aren't quite that aware of their facial expressions or body language. She's much more likely to say, "Did you not notice? Do I not look much more excited than usual?" Or something similar.
- ‘I see how it is,’ he says slowly, each word and pause being a measured one. ‘I shan’t stay here any longer is my presence is so undesirable to those around me.’ My point about this line is it's really not clear whether Percy or Oliver said it.

That's really all I picked up on in this chapter, or indeed any chapter since my first review. The flow of the story, and how the narrative interacts with the action, is something I picked up on in that, but that's much better in this chapter than in the earlier ones. I'm not sure if it's the writing that's changed or if I've just got more used to the voice the further I've read.

So, basically: great story, great characters, great writing, minor points of improvement. Good job! :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you for leaving another review, I honestly didn't expect it and now I feel so bad for taking ages to respond but exams are just taking over my life right now :P

I'm glad the characters and the flow of the story improved as it went on, but I still definitely will go back and look at earlier chapters because since you mentioned it, I thought about it more and more and I can see what you mean.

Thanks so much for pointing out those errors, it seems no matter how many times I stare at a chapter, there always seems to be mistakes :P They should be fixed now!

I didn't purposely change the narrative (I think?), but I think I've taken more care in making the voice succinct throughout rather than the rambling earlier on while editing, so it's good to know it improved!

Thanks for a great review :D


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Review #50, by Miss Undaztood Black An Exit with Oliver

6th May 2014:
Here for the review you asked for :)

I've read the first few chapters, and honestly, this is one of the best written fan fics I've read. You've created a really unique voice and kept it consistent and believable, you have a wide array of colourful characters and while the reader knows it's a romance where she'll end up with Percy, there are so many aspects to the plot: sub-plots and character foils etc, that I, at least, was engaged and interested and don't yet feel like I know what's going to happen, which is key to keeping people coming back for more chapters.

You asked for constructive criticism, so I thought really hard about it and I've come up with a list of areas of improvement so far, with a focus on this chapter.

The first thing I'm going to say I know has been said before in other reviews, but you do need to be careful that the narration doesn't detract from the story being told. There are times, though they're few and far between, where the narration is so engaging and unique that as a reader, you lose track of the plot. For instance, the narration about her getting ready for the networking event at the ministry. While it's a funny passage that gives us insight into Audrey's home life, I wonder if it's a little too much description without action/dialogue.

Secondly, your characters are great: they're vibrant and rich and interesting, but at the moment, many of them are a little two dimensional. I don't know if that changes in later chapters as you develop them more, but it's perhaps worth spending time thinking about what makes each of them human, what drives them, what they're afraid of.

I did notice, when reading through, the odd spelling/grammatical error. Examples from this chapter are:
- After she meets Lee Jordan, she says she will do her "fellow Hufflpuffs proud" - missing 'e'.
- Be careful of an overuse of commas. When she first enters the ministry, there are three sentences where the commas are unnecessary: "When I enter... I want to join", "There's the... information from", and "As a large... shaking from me". There are other times when you use a comma, but another punctuation mark like a colon, semi-colon or dash would be preferable. For example, a little above the sentences mentioned in my last point, at the end of her step four, "For once, nothing has appeared to have gone wrong, perhaps tonight is my night." The second comma would be better as a dash or colon. Another note about this sentence is the mixed tenses in the middle clause, the 'was' is not needed.

Really, the points I've mentioned above are just things to be aware of as you write and suggestions for fine-tuning. If you have any questions about anything, feel free to contact me :) I'll read the rest and leave a couple more reviews later on. I'm really enjoying reading this story, it's so lively and engaging, and very different to a lot of stuff I've read before.

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much for these great reviews and I'm so sorry for how long it took for me to reply to them, exams just had to go and get in the way so it took a lot longer than I usually take!

Oh wow! Thank you so much, I had to go and read that line a couple of times over because that is seriously one of the best compliments I've ever gotten! I'm so glad you liked the characters because there are so many of them I often feel lost at times and wonder what's really going on in the story :P Hahaha, yes, you're definitely right about the sub-plots and there are quite a few twists and turns before Audrey and Percy get together.

Thank you so much for the tip on the narration. I do find that I do over do it from time to time, and I've planned to edit all the chapters in the coming weeks, so that will definitely be a thing to watch over. Thank you so much for mentioning that though, as it's something I often forget to look out for!

Yes, I think that's one of the problems of having a two large a cast because later on we do have time to develop them, but right now it's a little tricky, but I'll definitely work on that too.

Ooh thanks again for pointing out those spelling and grammar errors, this was all written during NaNo so I'm not very surprised that there are some still lurking away there :P

Thank you for this review, it was really useful because I haven't had much CC on this story, so I was glad to get some because I always want to improve the story as much as possible!

Thanks for such a great review :D

-Kiana


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