Reading Reviews for The Art of Small Talk
  
76 Reviews Found

Review #26, by potterhead Bleak and Bleaker

6th June 2014:
This chapter felt sadder than the rest but was still good. I hope that Oliver isn't as bad as he seems to be now as I do like him, but I can't help but wonder where he left too and then what Jemima said. I think the letter's from Percy, it sounds like him and relates to him, so it must be. Perhaps those two could be together.

Author's Response: Yes, it definitely did have a much more muted tone but I'm glad that you liked nonetheless! Like usual, don't judge too early, especially with Oliver as we still have a lot more of his story to go! Yay for Percy being nice, I said he would change! Thanks again for these amazing review! :D

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Review #27, by potterhead April Fool's

6th June 2014:
Draco and Astoria are together!1! Sort of. I liked that he's getting all Mugglefied thanks to Audrey and hopefully Astoria will make him into a better person too as I do think he is nice deep down. George and Angelina were cute together too! The party was very interesting though I can't decide if I hate Percy or not. Sometimes he's nice then he's all moody, STOP CHANGING!

Author's Response: They are, well, sort of! But still I'm so glad that you liked them being together as they are more guilty pleasure. Erm, yes, the party did show a new side to Percy but hopefully in the coming chapters you'll have a much better idea of him and he won't change so much! Thanks for a great review :D

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Review #28, by potterhead One Bombshell, Two Bombshell, Three Bombshell, Four.

6th June 2014:
I hate Eileen too, you're very good at writing annoying characters I have to say. So James is gay? I wonder what this will mean for Audrey... Percy was quite nice here, though I feel so bad for Audrey yelling all that stuff and he was there *awkward turtle* oh well, it was funny for me. Also, I hope this means Astoria and Draco will be together soon!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! And yes he is and it definitely will mean something so pay attention! Whoo for Percy he is lovely really! Thanks for a fab review:D

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Review #29, by potterhead Papa-Paparazzi

6th June 2014:
Ew, Rita Skeeter, I really hate her and I wish she would go and die and stop ruining people's lives. We got a lot more action in this chapter and the kissing was written well so thank you for that. The ending with Verity and the others standing up for Draco was very moving as it's sad how much people hate him though I want him and Astoria to be together now!

Author's Response: Yes, Skeeter is very ew worthy so I am with you here! Aw, I'm glad you liked the kiss as I always thought I sucked at them! But whoo people power and thanks for this fab review! :D

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Review #30, by potterhead Quidditch Confrotations

6th June 2014:
I really like Audrey's friends now we know them a lot more as they make me a laugh a lot and are very entertaining. I think Jemima and Verity might get Draco to go out with Astoria and if that's the case it's cool you're writing about them too. The Quidditch match at the end was very exciting with the way Oliver went and kissed as we got some action ;) Though I have a feeling the flash isn't a good thing.

Author's Response: Aw, I'm lgad you like them as they are very dear to me! Haha, yes, Draco and Astoria definitely do play a part so don't worry! Whoo for action, though you are right, the flash sort of ruined it! Thanks for the great review :D

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Review #31, by potterhead An Interlude of Fame

6th June 2014:
Ok, I think I want her and Oliver together as he was very sweet this morning even though he thought Audrey was running out on him, they need to get together now as only one date so far isn't enough for me so I hope they get some more action ;) Percy is very weird and still quite annoying, but I imagine he will change to be with Audrey.

Author's Response: Aw, you settled on one then! Haha, Audrey and Oliver are very funny together but maybe things will change making it easier for you. Poor Percy, he does get nicer, don't worry! Thanks for the review :D

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Review #32, by potterhead An Exit with Oliver

6th June 2014:
This chapter was very funny. I like Jemima a lot as she is unusual and I can't wait to see more of her. Audrey's thoughts were very vibrant, especially when she was getting ready which was funny. The ending was great, but now I'm not sure if I want her and Oliver to be together or her and Percy.

Author's Response: Hi again, yes, Jemima and Audrey are very different but I'm glad that you liked them! Ha, I always shipping one pair from the beginning to end, but I'm glad you liked Oliver enough to ship them together too! Thanks for the great review :D

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Review #33, by potterhead Introductory Measures

6th June 2014:
It was a very enjoyable first chapter and Audrey made me a laugh a lot. I like that she's trying to help Draco and I hope we get to see more of him later. Percy is annoying.

Author's Response: Whoo, thanks for the great reviews, Percy does suck now, but hopefully you'll like him later on! :D

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Review #34, by Miss Undaztood Black April Fool's

7th May 2014:
So I was reading through the rest of the chapters, looking for one to leave CC on, and I really struggled to find anything I didn't say in my first review. There are a small number of minor spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing that detracts from the story.

As you've got more confident and comfortable with the characters and story, and you know you've laid all the foundations for the reader, the story has a better flow and is easier to engage with.

There were a few specific lines/words in this chapter that I picked out that could be improved, so I'll run through those in the order they appear:
- 'Ron and Bill are looking after it. Bill wanted to get out of the house as Victoire’s in a vicious mood because Fleur wouldn’t let have some new ballet shoes or whatever, and Ron wanted to come help because Hermione was just reading at home and that was too boring for him.' This is said by George, and is more an example of something to watch out for. It's speech, but it doesn't read as a believable speech pattern, especially not a casual one. There are times in speech where your characters explain things for the sake of the reader, as the other characters already know, and while the exposition is necessary, there might be better ways of explaining things.
- 'The point is of a surprise is to be shocked.' The first 'is' needs taking out.
- 'You should have picked it up as I looked even more excited than usual.' Another example of the exposition thing. Most people aren't quite that aware of their facial expressions or body language. She's much more likely to say, "Did you not notice? Do I not look much more excited than usual?" Or something similar.
- ‘I see how it is,’ he says slowly, each word and pause being a measured one. ‘I shan’t stay here any longer is my presence is so undesirable to those around me.’ My point about this line is it's really not clear whether Percy or Oliver said it.

That's really all I picked up on in this chapter, or indeed any chapter since my first review. The flow of the story, and how the narrative interacts with the action, is something I picked up on in that, but that's much better in this chapter than in the earlier ones. I'm not sure if it's the writing that's changed or if I've just got more used to the voice the further I've read.

So, basically: great story, great characters, great writing, minor points of improvement. Good job! :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you for leaving another review, I honestly didn't expect it and now I feel so bad for taking ages to respond but exams are just taking over my life right now :P

I'm glad the characters and the flow of the story improved as it went on, but I still definitely will go back and look at earlier chapters because since you mentioned it, I thought about it more and more and I can see what you mean.

Thanks so much for pointing out those errors, it seems no matter how many times I stare at a chapter, there always seems to be mistakes :P They should be fixed now!

I didn't purposely change the narrative (I think?), but I think I've taken more care in making the voice succinct throughout rather than the rambling earlier on while editing, so it's good to know it improved!

Thanks for a great review :D


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Review #35, by Miss Undaztood Black An Exit with Oliver

6th May 2014:
Here for the review you asked for :)

I've read the first few chapters, and honestly, this is one of the best written fan fics I've read. You've created a really unique voice and kept it consistent and believable, you have a wide array of colourful characters and while the reader knows it's a romance where she'll end up with Percy, there are so many aspects to the plot: sub-plots and character foils etc, that I, at least, was engaged and interested and don't yet feel like I know what's going to happen, which is key to keeping people coming back for more chapters.

You asked for constructive criticism, so I thought really hard about it and I've come up with a list of areas of improvement so far, with a focus on this chapter.

The first thing I'm going to say I know has been said before in other reviews, but you do need to be careful that the narration doesn't detract from the story being told. There are times, though they're few and far between, where the narration is so engaging and unique that as a reader, you lose track of the plot. For instance, the narration about her getting ready for the networking event at the ministry. While it's a funny passage that gives us insight into Audrey's home life, I wonder if it's a little too much description without action/dialogue.

Secondly, your characters are great: they're vibrant and rich and interesting, but at the moment, many of them are a little two dimensional. I don't know if that changes in later chapters as you develop them more, but it's perhaps worth spending time thinking about what makes each of them human, what drives them, what they're afraid of.

I did notice, when reading through, the odd spelling/grammatical error. Examples from this chapter are:
- After she meets Lee Jordan, she says she will do her "fellow Hufflpuffs proud" - missing 'e'.
- Be careful of an overuse of commas. When she first enters the ministry, there are three sentences where the commas are unnecessary: "When I enter... I want to join", "There's the... information from", and "As a large... shaking from me". There are other times when you use a comma, but another punctuation mark like a colon, semi-colon or dash would be preferable. For example, a little above the sentences mentioned in my last point, at the end of her step four, "For once, nothing has appeared to have gone wrong, perhaps tonight is my night." The second comma would be better as a dash or colon. Another note about this sentence is the mixed tenses in the middle clause, the 'was' is not needed.

Really, the points I've mentioned above are just things to be aware of as you write and suggestions for fine-tuning. If you have any questions about anything, feel free to contact me :) I'll read the rest and leave a couple more reviews later on. I'm really enjoying reading this story, it's so lively and engaging, and very different to a lot of stuff I've read before.

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much for these great reviews and I'm so sorry for how long it took for me to reply to them, exams just had to go and get in the way so it took a lot longer than I usually take!

Oh wow! Thank you so much, I had to go and read that line a couple of times over because that is seriously one of the best compliments I've ever gotten! I'm so glad you liked the characters because there are so many of them I often feel lost at times and wonder what's really going on in the story :P Hahaha, yes, you're definitely right about the sub-plots and there are quite a few twists and turns before Audrey and Percy get together.

Thank you so much for the tip on the narration. I do find that I do over do it from time to time, and I've planned to edit all the chapters in the coming weeks, so that will definitely be a thing to watch over. Thank you so much for mentioning that though, as it's something I often forget to look out for!

Yes, I think that's one of the problems of having a two large a cast because later on we do have time to develop them, but right now it's a little tricky, but I'll definitely work on that too.

Ooh thanks again for pointing out those spelling and grammar errors, this was all written during NaNo so I'm not very surprised that there are some still lurking away there :P

Thank you for this review, it was really useful because I haven't had much CC on this story, so I was glad to get some because I always want to improve the story as much as possible!

Thanks for such a great review :D

-Kiana


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Review #36, by MissesWeasley123 April Fool's

27th April 2014:
(bighead) Percy - GOLDEN KIANA GOLDEN!

lol seriously, whenever Audrey talks it's like listening (reading?) to you talk bahaha because both you and her are so funny and brackets are the best things EVEERRR. ♥

Aw, and poor Awko Taco Percy poor thing :( ♥

AND YES DRACO AND ASTORIA WOOHOO!

I also loved that small talk bit it's like ahhh yes small talk indeed! Also, I love your summary, have I told you that? Well yes, I lurve it.

Why is this story so goood.

Also, I think there was a random square bracket back in the scene with Draco and Astoria like near the beginningish of the chapter. I don't think it was supposed to be there :P

GREAT CHAPTER YO.

Author's Response: Wah, thank you so much Nadia, you are too fabulous! Lol, you know when you spend too much time writing FF when you and your character are the same...OH WELL. SHe is quite cool and gets to date Oliver so I'm not complaining.

Hehehe, so much awkwardness but we will catch up on poor Percy and Drastoria asap!

Aw, yay, thank you as I hate summaries and no the random square thing wasn't met to be there, but it should be gone now. Thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks for a fab review! ♥


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Review #37, by magicalmayhem April Fool's

27th April 2014:
Living this story! Can't wait to see what happens next

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! ♥ The next chapter should be up soonish!

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Review #38, by LightLeviosa5443 One Bombshell, Two Bombshell, Three Bombshell, Four.

8th April 2014:
Yay chapter 7!!!

I'm so excited this is posted!! And you're updating the CI's too? Ooh, I can't wait to see them!!! Look at you go, making graphics for your own stories. Oh, and you're welcome ;)

Okay, to the story. I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY. Ugh, Audrey is so funny, the way she thinks, the way she acts. It's just all so natural and ridiculous and hilarious and sometimes she makes me feel like I'm kind of normal. Kind of. I think I'm on a higher level than her. Anyways.

This was so awesome, and can I just predict that I think James and Oliver are going to be a thing and that's how we edge into the Audrey/Percy area? Because you mentioned a couple, and James made a comment about being jealous of Audrey being with Oliver, and you have to have a good reason to break them up. Oh and that would totes hurt her self esteem. Which would definitely push her towards Percy.

Just a theory though. I can't wait for the next chapter!! Great job girlfriend!!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Sarah! I'm sorry so I took ages to respond to this but as you know I was away :P

Whoo, I am, hopefully they'll turn out ok as bright graphics seem to hate me a lot.

Whoo again, thank you so much, I just want to give you a virtual hug for that! I'm so glad you like Audrey though, I can definitely see similarities between the two of you from what you told me so whoo for that.

We do edge into Percy/Audery era soonish I will say that, but how is another question resulting from a series of multiple things though one of them is naturally the end of her and Oliver but how is another thing :p Whoo, for theories though, you've gotta love them!

Thanks for the fab review lovely!

♥ Kiana


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Review #39, by MissesWeasley123 One Bombshell, Two Bombshell, Three Bombshell, Four.

8th April 2014:
ohmygod you updated yay.

OHHH SNAP. James. Wooh. What if he and Oliver get together actually lolol.

Percy is so awkward lol and Penelope is a hag. She should go break an arm or something. Hmph.

Great chapter! Audrey's just developed so well, it's so much fun to read her.

ALSO, HOT CROSS BUNS IS LIKE THE ONLY THING I CAN PLAY ON THE FRENCH HORN!
woohoo.

UPDATE SOON DEAR ♥

Author's Response: ohmygod, i know, i'm so lazy it took me an age :P

OOOH. I KNOW. Haha, I can't say anything more but more will be revealed in the coming chapters so whoo.

I know, you just want to hug Percy as he tries so hard but fails, and Penelope will get what's coming for her. Eventually...

Whoo go Audrey! Haha, I know, I learnt the recorder for like 3 years and that's all I came out with :P

I WILL AS I'M ON HOLIDAY RIGHT NOW.

THANK YOU LOVELY. ♥


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Review #40, by LightLeviosa5443 Papa-Paparazzi

25th March 2014:
Woo! This chapter was so great!

I really love the way you've characterized Audrey. She's so funny and her actions are so honest and just bold. I really love the way she felt that she HAD to say something to Percy, very cute! Oliver seemed like such a terrible person when he was insulting Percy. First time this whole story I've disliked Oliver! Now I really can't wait for Percy to step onto the scene!

Can I just say that when Verity stood up for Draco, it was so cute, and perfect. I really loved how Audrey didn't like Hannah, and how she wanted to say something but just couldn't. I also thought the old man was a great touch to throw in there. Super cute and that Draco thanked him was just perfect.

I TOTALLY CALLED IT ON ASTORIA. I. CALLED. IT. Sorry, I got excited :P I LOVE how you set that one up too, that was brilliant!!! I can't wait to see how you pan out the rest of this story cause ooh girl it's a winner.

Update soon lady!

xoxo Sarah

P.S. This is my 500th review!!!

Author's Response: Whoo, congrats on your 500th review, and thank you so much for giving it to me it means a lot :D

Haha, I think it was the first time I started hating on Oliver but there is more to the story which comes along later so just wait and see, but it makes me insanely happy to hear you like Audrey :D

Aw, I know I was gushing throughout and was sort of yelling girl power and stuff :P Haha, I never really liked Hannah so I couldn't but throw in anti-Hannah moments (sorry Neville!) so whoo for taking a stand. YOU DID AND YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE. I'm so glad that you liked this story, it honestly means so much to me and there will be more Draco and Astoria moments to come :D

Thank you so much Sarah and I will try!

-Kiana


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Review #41, by LightLeviosa5443 Quidditch Confrotations

25th March 2014:
Kiana this is so lovely!! I love this chapter!!!

I really liked how you started it with Audrey telling her friends, and then how she turned it from a story about her to getting Jemima to help her set up Draco with someone. Are you going to set him up with Astoria? Or is he already with her? Because you mentioned a Greengrass, I saw that!

I thought the way that the match went was so cute. I really loved the way that you had Audrey talking to Penelope, and then recovering from that with George and Angelina. BUILDING FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING THERE!

OMG. That Olivrey kiss (audriver?) was so cute. I'm assuming the flash of white is the newspaper cameras. I mean, as much as I love some Oliver action, I'm totes anxious for Percy to step onto the scene as another romantic option.

Okay, onto the next chapter. Wee!!!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Sarah!! Sorry for taking ages, graphics and school have sucked up a thing called time and they've only just returned it :P

Haha, you are very good at predicting things which may happen and in this case I can give a little away which is Jemima may be friends with Astoria and there may be a little match making later on :P

I KNOW I COULDN'T HELP BUT BE SNEAKY BECAUSE FORESHADOWING AND STUFF. Haha, poor Audrey she's so innocent thinking she'll never marry percy :P I'm thinking more Olivrey as it flows better, but I'm glad you liked it. There will be moar Percy, don't worry :p

Thanks for such an amazing review, and sorry for taking ages to respond to it!

-Kiana


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Review #42, by MissesWeasley123 Papa-Paparazzi

18th March 2014:
LOLOL.
"Is the world ending?"

I die dude. :P

Great chapter! I'm struggling because my mind says, "short review please Nadia" but I can't do that :(

ANYWAYS LOVED THE ENDING!

Okay sorry short review but wow you're good at writing lol Kiana. So good tbh. Your characters are so fabulous and unique and hilarious haha.

SO UPDATE SOON LOVELY ♥

Author's Response: Hehe, the world is ending because Benedict doesn't know of my existence :P Lol, I love short reviews (this is said in whispers not to hurt long reviewers) because they require less concentration for both people :P


Thank you for such a fab review and I'm so glad you like it because it means so much to me! I will update soonish!

-Kiana


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Review #43, by LightLeviosa5443 An Interlude of Fame

14th March 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the BvB review battle!

Kiannna!!! Stop writing such lovely stories!! I love this story, I'm mad at myself for not keeping up with it, but I'm not too far behind, so. :)

Um, I love the voice you've given Audrey. She's so funny, and her thoughts are so real, and honest and just kind of blunt. I think it's fantastic. She's so fantastic. I literally love her. She's ridiculous, and hilarious, and ugh. Just perfect. Like the lol's and the way you didn't put I's in certain spots. It just all worked so well.

I really really loved the scene with Percy, because I was all THE PERCY AND AUDREY BEGINS. I SEE IT. And then she thought it, and I kind of squee'd. I love Oliver, but obviously he's going to marry me, so he can't focus on Audrey. Kidding, kind of. Though, since Percy warned her against him not I'm kind of worried that he's really a big meanie. (Wow, it's hard leaving reviews in 12+, I should work on that).

I really just love Audrey. She's so so so genuine. I think it's adorable the way that she panicked she did something with Oliver, the way she relishes in the attention she got, and how she has no idea how to talk to Harry and Ginny. I mean, I would probably break down in tears because that would kind of be a culture shock. But that's mean, obviously Audrey has a little more self control. I also love how she's kind-hearted enough to want to help Draco, and back him up. And the moment when she told her dad not to talk about her mom broke my heart.

You're just a really lovely writer.

Cute CI, btw, what font is that? Sorry, I can't help myself.

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Ah, I've taken an age to reply to this please accept my apologies I am so sorry!

I'm so glad that you like, haha, yeah she's kind of mad like that so I'm sort of channelling my weird side here and it's somewhat acceptable as it's fiction :P

I know, they're so cute and yay for squeeing I think I did this throughout. Haha, well we may have to fight over Oliver so I'll leave it to we'll see for now because you never know. I know about the 12+ issue, I generally say 15+ word here and leave it to the person' imagination on what it could be.

I guess the fact she went to the school with them and knows George helps a lot but I was so tempted to go for rolling on the floor crying with shock but I was worried people would think that was a little extreme :P Yay for Draco, I'm glad you liked that as he should appear a lot more now!

I think it's admiration pains, I'm not entirely sure though! Thanks for an amazing review, Sarah and sorry for this late response!

-Kiana


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Review #44, by Valency Introductory Measures

14th March 2014:
Great story so far! Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: Thanks! I have five more chapters up, so it should be ok :D

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Review #45, by LilyLou Quidditch Confrotations

7th March 2014:
Hi here for our review swap!

Oh goshhh I can't imagine why I haven't gotten to this yet! It's one of my favorites but I didn't get to it. Oh well, I'm here now!

Great, once again, all around. Your characterization is marvelous, as well as your word choice, plot, and how you managed to incorporate, like, all of your characters in this one! You added on to each part of her life in this chapter, rather than focusing on one part, and I loved that!

George and staying neutral :'D I loved that, because it was so true that Ginny would throw a fit, and Oliver wouldn't be too pleased either! That was a great humorous add-on.

OH MY GOSH HE KISSED HER AND OH MY GOSH DID SHE FAINT?! No she didn't. I don't believe it. It was a camera! Wow that actually sounds like a convincing back up.. Yeah those are my two guesses. Are they right?;D

Lovely chapter!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hi Janelle!

Haha, don't worry, I have a habit of doing that as updates can just slip past so easily! (Also, thank you for the SOTM nom, it made me smile so much :D). I'm so glad that you liked the characterisation because I've never had such a large cast before but it's surprisingly fun to see how I can make sure they all make somewhat regular appearances.

Haha, yeah, I thought it would be fun to throw in some Weasley family drama because who doesn't love that? Haha, the next chapter is now up so you can find out what the bright white light is, but yay for them kissing!

Thanks for such a fab review :D

-Kiana


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Review #46, by Pixileanin An Interlude of Fame

4th February 2014:
So, um, you asked for thoughts. I have those occasionally, and just your luck, I wish to share them with you. Right now.

Ahem.

"...because hanging out with a corpse wouldn't be that much fun..."

Only a Potioneer (and perhaps a medical examiner) would have lines as great as this one. Tell me, what were you eating when you did NaNo? Because I want some of that. Seriously. Audrey is perpetually high on funny lines. She is positively delightful!

Merlin's saggy pants, indeed! If he still wants to see her for lunch, then whatever it was couldn't have been that bad. Good for her. Er... I think. I don't know. Let's see if she survives work and then re-evaluate.

And she wants to save Draco. Who doesn't think he's worth saving. Who's practically given up on having a life and is resigned to failure. This could be an adventure.

So, I find it interesting that Audrey's all about rubbing shoulders with her friends in high places, but now that she's ACTUALLY rubbing shoulders with people in high places, she doesn't know how to deal. Frankly, I wouldn't be able to deal with it either. I love it when she realizes the connection between Ginny and Percy, and the fact that she's even still thinking about Percy when she's at lunch with Oliver... well, there's that.

Audrey's conversation with her dad was interesting. He brought up Percy again, not that it wouldn't come up, I mean, it's in the paper and all, so even though Audrey is doing a fine job of forgetting about it, no one else is. Which is kind of funny. And poor Percy has to show up with his irritatingly clean shoes (yes, I got a big kick out of his shoes!) and tell her to be careful about Oliver.

And she's still thinking about Percy. Oh dear!

Another entertaining chapter!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Pix, and sorry my thoughts on this review took a while to appear!

Haha, I know that's why it's rather fun to explore the scientific field of things because their darkish humour just makes writing them all the more fun. I don't really know what went on in NaNo, I don't think I really want to either because I just think of me going on sleep deprived writing sprees which isn't so good!

Hahah, waiting and seeing was probably the best approach!

Yes, I had to include a save Draco thing because I've always felt so sorry for him throughout the series I needed one person to just believe in him and possibly carry him through life rather than flounder around and do nothing.

Hahaha, I think it's because she's known Verity and Jemima since her Hogwarts days she almost doesn't realise that they're in high places so they're just normal people too. Yeah, Percy does have a habit of cropping up in every place she seems to go to, I almost wish I did more of her life before meeting him to see if he appeared there or not.

Yup, your definitely right about Audrey trying to forget but everyone else just getting in the way and refusing to let that happen. I know, I'm starting to feel rather sorry for Percy because all he's trying to do is be nice and then that happens.

Thanks for such a great review, Pix, it's always interesting to read your thoughts!

-Kiana


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Review #47, by Pixileanin An Exit with Oliver

4th February 2014:
I love the little asides you are throwing in about Verity and her Chinese antics. Though I must say, after meeting Granny Lucy, I'm more than a little afraid of Verity's mother. And poor Draco hasn't learned a decent potion from all his years with Snape? Who's been cooking up his potions at Hogwarts, I wonder? Hmm...

The way you describe everyone doing their potions as Audrey walks down the hall was great. Of course it's exciting work! Explosions! Singed eyebrows! Who wouldn't want a field where you can come home smelling like something disgustingly different every night? Haha!

Oh, and the head turning with this James fellow, well, isn't that interesting? I suppose that Audrey hasn't completely sworn off the dating game. James Pewter! Excellent name!

"I smirk at him (Draco does it a lot, it's rubbing off on me)." Another brilliantly placed line! Audrey seems to allow a lot of things to rub off on her. She's just absorbing her environment. They way she carries on about her friends and their glamorous jobs, you'd think she wasn't content with her Potioneer job. Or maybe she's just in that "grass is greener" phase, where everyone else's positions look better than hers. Don't worry, Audrey, you're a great Potioneer. You know, she reminds me a bit of that girl in that movie... which one is it?? Ahh, I can't remember. Maybe by next review it will come to me.

Ah, and Audrey begins the countdown of getting ready. I mentioned it in the last chapter, I think, but I really enjoy this about her. There's something persnickety and orderly about it, and it reminds me of Percy a bit. I can see how you've crafted her to get on with him, as soon as he loses his big head, that is. Which is a long time coming, I assume, because he's stubborn, I suppose...

I think I've been to those kinds of parties, the kind where people come for the free stuff and all. :) It's not 'really' stealing, haha! But I understand where Audrey is coming from. You feel kind of bad for taking stuff, and you don't want everyone else to know how much you took, just it case it makes you look like you came only for the stuff, which you did... fun scene!

There he goes again, completely blowing her off like she's nothing. I hate it, until Oliver starts talking. Yes, keep talking, Oliver. You're turning this around quite nicely.

OK, I remember now. That girl, Bridget Jones. That's who she reminds me of. :)

Still having fun with your story!

Author's Response: Hi Pix, it's great to see you back again :D

Haha, I'm glad that you're interested in Verity as writing all the eccentricities in her life is so much fun! Yes, I think Draco probably learnt a bit from Snape in the first few years but after that he just got bogged down by everything and forgot to pay attention...

I know, it's making me wish that I had an aptitude for science because being able to work in such an exciting place as that would be so much fun and there would never be a boring moment around!

Hehe, yeah, I called him James and then remembered the other two James so why not put a spin on the surname and just roll with it?

I'm really glad that you picked up on that aspect of Audrey's character because I think you're the only person to have done so so far but that's why I love writing her because she just seems to notice everything. I think with Audrey she always secretly suffers with putting herself down without quite realising it so it's shown through that.

Haha, that section was a little too fun to write because the structure was just so different it was almost liberating to mix it up a little. Yes, it does take a while but one thing should be noted that with Audrey's stubbornness that may get in the way as well.

I know what you mean, I had to go to this conference thing for school and lots of the chocolates had disappeared by the end of it it! I'm glad you enjoyed the party scene even if Percy annoyed you, he does have a habit of doing that again and again! Haha, Oliver will certainly feature a lot more so don't worry about it!

Yes, Bridget Jones did act as inspiration for Audrey so that's probably why you can see the links ;)

Thanks for such a fabulous review, Pix, it really made my day!

-Kiana


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Review #48, by Pixileanin The Morning After the Night Before

3rd February 2014:
You know what happens when you write a great first chapter? People come back for more.

Hi.

Poor Audrey. She's had a horrible wake up, and then an equally, if not more horrific run in with Penelope. Obviously, this woman thinks she still has dibs on Percy. Interesting... I can't wait to see what Percy says about that, if anything. The sad thing is, the way you showed him last chapter, who is mental enough to want dibs on Percy?? Clearly, I have more to read.

I love how Audrey is constantly worried over what Granny Lucy is going to say to her when she's faced with bad things. Haha! And her points and counting them are also rather endearing. You've given her quite a large personality. It's so fun to read about Audrey and what she's thinking.

The girls gossiping was another fun section to read. You gave us a ton of information about their relationships with each other, and the way they carry on their personal lives too in a relatively small space, and in a very entertaining fashion.

Granny Lucy is quite a character, indeed. She's just as large as your other characters, and she definitely surprised me. I thought she was going to give Audrey tons of "different" problems about the picture in the paper, but she went round the other way. I loved your description of her, with her green eye shadow and red lipstick. Rather overdramatic, which is where I assume Audrey gets a lot of her perspective from.

Everything reads real smoothly so far. I'm not coming up against any bumps in your narrative, and your prose is VERY entertaining. Have I said how entertaining I am finding this story? I think I mentioned it once or twice. :)

The whole heart swelling thing was really funny. Audrey is an inspiration! hehehe!

Author's Response: Hey Pix, thanks for coming back again it means so much to me!

Yes, Penelope will continue to be like that unfortunately, but then writing evil people is so much fun, more so than nice people at times so I can't complain :P Percy and Penelope have a LOT of history which will be explored a lot more in future chapters as it does relate to a lot of things.

I'm glad that you liked it because the older generation isn't really involved all that much in stories but writing them here was a lot of fun because they do need to be integrated a lot more!

I'm glad that you liked that as I've been working at how to include information in a fun way rather than a word bomb like I used to do, so that really means a lot to me given what you've seen of my writing *shivers at memories*!

Haha, she is indeed and large is probably a good way to describe her! I think Audrey just doesn't want to let her Granny Lucy down as she's done so much for her so it's more self-imposed fears rather than anything else, yes the make-up is certainly garish!

Gah, Pix that just means so much because like I've said before, you knew my writing at the beginning and really did help me reach this stage so thank you for that and the wonderful compliments in this review, it means so much to me!

-Kiana


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Review #49, by Pixileanin Introductory Measures

3rd February 2014:
Hello! You have obviously been busy, so I popped over to see what's up.

First off, I love that Audrey can't remember the intern's name, and she frets over it. And then it's him!! That made me laugh so much! Someone who was so notorious in that "other world" is so unknown to her. Brilliant!

Your Audrey is really likeable here. She's witty and unsure of herself, and best of all, she "er"s like a pro! I also like this Verity person, from what I've seen of her. She's so colorful, and just as long as she doesn't curse my family back generations, I think I will continue to like her. And she's setting up Audrey! Perfect!

Drunk George was funny too, when he opened the door. I loved this:

"Circulating, running around in circles..."

I really like the first impression of Percy, now that you ask. He's just the right amount of suffering and insanely nose-in-the-air that I like to remember him by. And I really loved Audrey's come-back. She doesn't pull punches, that one.

You have some fantastically fascinating characters in this story of yours. The first chapter was a breeze to read, so entertaining and full of color. (I think I said that before, but it's true. So colorful. Like a rainbow of happy/not-so-happy personalities that have come together to clash and create problems for each other.) That's how great stories start, I think.

Such a fun opening!

Pix

Author's Response: Pix! Thanks so much for all of these reviews, they were such a wonderful surprise and meant so much to me :D

Haha, Audrey isn't always up to date on current events so it's almost natural she forgets Death Eaters names :P

I'm so glad that you liked Audrey and Verity, I always dread creating OCs (even if Audrey isn't really one) as there's so much fear of them becoming Mary-Sues, so hearing this was fantastic! It's probably a good idea to continue liking Verity just to prevent it from happening as you never know with her!

Haha, drunk George was surprisingly fun to write because I always imagined he would be rather different.

I'm glad you liked Percy because while I wanted him to be as he was in the books, I didn't want him to be the stereotypical boring person either. Though I guess Audrey is certainly a match for him...

I'm so glad that you liked the opening as we both know how much pressure and angst they can cause writers with all the anticipation they carry. Ooh, I love the rainbow analogy and I think it might be my favourite comment of the story so far!

Thanks for such a fantastic review, Pix, I hope to get to the other reviews asap too!

-Kiana


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Review #50, by MissesWeasley123 Quidditch Confrotations

2nd February 2014:
Heeeyyy.

So, wow. yep, favouriting, favouriting now. I loved this so much.

I only just realized this was in present tense! LOL. That i so hard to write, but I like reading it. It keeps me up to chase and it's like living it but not really.

I have many bad words to use as adjectives for Penelope because she should go die in a whole. And is it just be or is Draco still a hottie? Yes yes he is. I think him and Audrey should get together yes yes yes.

Jemima and Verity are hilarious :P They are those classic friends not friends but y'know, you can't not live without them. Bestest had me cracking! You truly are going all out on this.

I swear, there better be zero angst in this!!!

And look, I am all caught up! Yeah!

AND JESUS THE ENDING, THE ENDING WHOA WHUT HOW WHOAA. So cute. Oliver is such a show off, but it's pretty hlarious and aw, I just squeed at that perfection of an ending, because you have to admit that guy who plays Oliver in the movies is also a hottie, like probs the biggest hottie out of all the guys yes.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Hi.

Thank you, I love you, but awks as I can't favourite a person...

Hahaha, I always do that with the present. I've gotten into a habit of only writing it and now I can't write anything else, so it's like past for me now :P

I agree. She's just so ew, I mean how can your hair still be intact when outside? Hahaha, I can safely say he and Audrey aren't getting together!

I'm so glad you liked them, they're totes fun to right and totes not like my friends or anything...

Erm, yeah, about that there may just be smidgen though a very small barely noticeable amount.

YAY!

Bahaha, yeah, it was all a bit of a rush but a lot more fun to write! I'm so glad you thought Oliver was a hottie because he will feature a lot more, and yes Sean Biggerstaff was a hottie :wub: (I know it doesn't work here but it fits so well!

-Kiana


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