Reading Reviews for Broken Crown
47 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MissesWeasley123 Fragments.

12th December 2013:
She tried. Wow. Narcissa actually tried to convince Regulus.

I actually love Narcissa so much. So many authors on this site give her this wonderful characterization and so do you. I loved it. Every piece of dialogue was just so perfect, and amazingly written. This was brilliant:

Cissy scoffs at that point. 'Because Lucius isn't any better than Bella when it comes to murdering?' -- this part was so whoa. I loved how she had this bitter sarcastic behaviour, like she knew her life was wrong and that she had all the wrong principles by the whole Pureblood supremacy, but she knew also knew that she couldn't change it. I loved the way you wrote her.

I think this is one of my favourite chapters too. It was such a unique memory out of Andromeda's life, and I wasn't expecting it at all. It was so fabulous! I loved the description too and the somber mood you had going.

This piece really centered on family. It was amazing to see that there was this cold relationship between the sisters, and you could sense that they didn't want it, but circumstances were keeping them apart. You showed that so well. That last line was epic, and broke my heart. The imagery was beautiful there.

Great work!

Author's Response: Yes, I wasn't sure whether she would try or not, but I think the scene in DH and she lies about Harry being dead showed me how much family means to her. I'm so glad that you love Narcissa because she means so much to me and she's really grown on me in this story.

Yes, that part sort of brought home how twisted all of their lives and the Black are. I'm so glad that you liked the internal conflict in Cissy, because I would really like her to be like that and for her to know what her life could have been like yet she doesn't realise how strong she is and how she couldn't have broken free.

I'm glad you found it unique because I wasn't sure whether people would think her going to her mother's funeral or not was, but I really like funeral scenes because they really are poignant parts of people's lives so it felt strange to omit it.

Woo, the theme of family has come through! I'm glad you liked the sibling bond because I've never really explored that sort of relationship before but it's so powerful that I'm really glad I got to write it here.

Thank you for such a wonderful Nadia!


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Review #27, by Lululuna Echoes.

7th December 2013:
Hola! :) Ah, so glad I got a chance to come and read and the next chapter. This was truly wonderful, and possibly my favourite so far as I love the inner turmoil Andy is going through and how her life has progressed, it seems so rich and complex and I liked catching up with her.

Little baby Dora is so cute! I loved the explanation about how she's loud and Andy's love for her is really genuine, I think, like how she doesn't want to risk dying because she needs to be there for her daughter, but then there's that self-preservation aspect too. The foreshadowing throughout the chapter was so clever, what with the fact that Dora will leave her child to go into danger and he will have to grow up without her, showing the contrasts between mother and daughter in a way. And then when Dora asked if she'd see Sirius again- so adorable! I almost expected Remus to come up in conversation and Dora to ask who he was, but that might be going a little too far with the foreshadowing. :P Then it's also so upsetting to know that the cute little toddler is going to eventually be killed by Bellatrix (I think?) and that so will Sirius as promised, and gah it just breaks my heart. :(

This chapter really brought the whole danger and damage to the twisted Black family to a head, and it was really powerful. I loved the ending and the hopes that Andy has for Narcissa, even though we already know what happens to Regulus. Though I think he did have a bit of a heroic death, in a way, and I wonder if Andy or Cissy or Sirius had any influence on that.

I thought it was interesting with the last line how Andy thought that Narcissa was the only one who still represents her childhood self, and I thought it was an interesting pronoun in that it might mean Andy's childhood self, or Narcissa's. If it's the former that's pretty cool as it's as if Narcissa embodies something of Andromeda and Andy holds onto her childhood through thinking of the impact she had on her sister. That probably made no coherent sense, but it was a great line either way! :)

The theme of losing her old self and her childhood was really powerful throughout the story, in fact, and I especially loved this line: Itís as if the parts of her, the parts of her she used to be, are sliding further and further from her like the tea cup. The echoes from her past life have been silenced. It was so poetic and beautiful for the moment.

Great chapter Kiana! :D Thanks for swapping with me!

Author's Response: Hi there! I think this has to be my favourite one so far too, mainly because it shows that though she has changed from leaving the Blacks some aspects such as their self-preservation still haven't left her.

Yay, I loved Dora she was so much fun to write because I'm used to writing her as she appeared in the books but this was way more fun! Bahaha, foreshadowing, the greatest delight of an author! I think the decision Andy made made her want to bring Dora up in a different way and be brave enough to do that hence the difference. I was really tempted to throw Remus in, I just couldn't think of a legitimate way to do so I had to leave it which was a bit of sad. Yes, she was killed by Bellatrix but it sort of shows the seriousness of the war as well.

You're definitely right about them being twisted, there are so many different alliances and foes within it putting them all in here was a fun a challenge! There will be a bit of a follow up to Regulus in the next chapter, and the influence will be sort of revealed.

I'll give you a spoiler and say Narcissa :P To Andy right now, Narcissa is still innocent and still loyal to her family. Even though she does dislike them for not accepting Ted and her daughter, she will always love them deep down so I think what she wants is to be able to be close to them again but still have her own life which is impossible as you know :P

Aw, thank you for such a brilliant review, it really made me smile! :D


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Review #28, by vanityfair Echoes.

6th December 2013:
It was nice to see Tonks again because I miss her from AAO. I thought you wrote her as a child very well. Andromeda really made me sad and angry in this chapter. I knew she couldn't do anything but it still annoyed me a little. Hopefully Narcissa will. Maia xxx

Author's Response: I miss her too! Gah, maybe I should have made it au and not have her killed :P It annoyed me too, but hopefully she managed to redeem it later on in life. Thanks for the great review, Maia!


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Review #29, by MissesWeasley123 Echoes.

6th December 2013:
Hiya Kiana.

This chapter was so sweet and intense. I was kind of aggravated when Andromeda refused to help Sirius. I thought she was braver than that :( She let me down, but I knew it had to be done, and that's why I'm okay with it. Sirius' characterization was brilliant though.

Sirius isn't entirely playful, but he's actually kind of sobered down and become a bit serious. (haha lol that was funny, serious Sirius.) He still had his little remarks, but this conversation was dark in the sense that he came for help and was denied.

Tonks was awesome, and wow, that last paragraph! Andromeda tried to at least help somewhat, but her effort will most likely go in vain :(

I loved the way Sirius talked about Bellatrix. It's amazing how Bellatrix is never really there but her presence lingers and that's amazing, how you manage to weave her into every chapter.


Author's Response: Hey Nadia!

I was aggravated at her too, even though I made her too which is silly but I knew it had to happen. I think she would like to braver, but then she already sacrificed so much leaving her family she doesn't want to sacrifice it all again to go back to them.

Hahah, great pun :P I think at this stage of his life he's already been exposed to quite a bit of the war so he is bound to be sombre which is a little sad because I like his fun side, but then he is serious :P

Yay for Tonks! Yes, it will, but we can always hope it made Cissy think more of her actions. Haha, yes Bella isn't going to make a presence in the other chapters either but she will always be lurking away and they're never really free of her.

Thanks for a great review, Nadia!


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Review #30, by monstrosity Scorches.

6th December 2013:
Hey! Here from the RRT :)

Andromeda has been one of my all time favourite characters in the Harry Potter books. She such a maverick in a time and place where she could be killed for the things that she wanted to do.

One thing that I find particularly interesting about this chapter is the fact that although they are children, they seem to have an adult-ish air about them. Andromeda is eight and already wary about potential engagement. When I was her age I thought that boys were the most disgusting creatures on earth. The thought of marrying them hadn't even entered my head at all.

Bella isn't even a teenager and she's already preaching about blood purity. It goes to show how deeply those values were instilled in the Black family. She's quite scary even at such a young age. The part of her magic going slightly out of control sent a shiver down my spine. I spotted the hint at irony when Bella calls Andromeda mad when she herself is not the sanest person in the world. I quite liked that.

I also liked how Lucius is portrayed as a sniveling, scared boy as opposed to a pompous prat. Out of all the children, he seemed the most oblivious to what was really going on. He still had that essence of childhood within him that none of the girls seemed to possess. You had Bella already privy to family politics, Andromeda wary of her mother's antics and Narcissa who was a rather perceptive girl who knew exactly how to tread on the eggshells. It sort of goes to prove the popular theory that women have a better mental and analytical ability than men, I suppose.

Your Andromeda was one that I really loved. She's so lively despite living in a dreary household full of rules and pride to uphold. I laughed at the bit where she made faces at the family portraits and I could really picture this little girl full of pluck like a ray of sunshine in a dark, black (ahem, excuse the pun) household.

This was a really interesting chapter and I shall be moving on to read the rest! Amazing work, as always :)

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad that you like Andromeda as she is a favourite of mine too!

I'm glad you picked up on the adult like air of them because I do believe that in pureblood families they wouldn't really tolerate anything childish that much or really allow them to play due to it being improper or whatever, so I wanted to reflect that here. Haha, so did I, but then these purebloods do need to make good matches :P

I think with someone like Bella, she must have already formed her views about muggleborns at a very early age otherwise she wouldn't have reacted in such an extreme way later on. Haha, I enjoyed adding in that bit of irony because I wanted to show her extent of insanity by not recognising her own :P

Lucius always seemed to come off as a bit of a follow to me, hence the pompousness about him because it seemed a bit of an act really. I guess with him and Cissy I wanted to show that they could have been something else if they tried to be that but they didn't and weren't strong enough and ended up following the pack. Yes, I do enjoy that theory :P But I suppose in my head canon Lucius is an only child so he wasn't really forced to grow up by the arrival of other siblings.

Great pun! I'm glad you liked the faces part because I wanted to show she was already rebelling against this image of composure she was meant to convey and it was a lot of fun to include that in a child like way.

Thanks for the amazing compliments and review, they really made me smile! ♥


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Review #31, by toomanycurls Flickers.

2nd December 2013:

Andromeda and Ted are one of my favorite couples. I love their own rebellion for love and *sigh* everything.

You've beautifully captured their relationship. I love how firm but sweet Ted is. He seems like the reassuring type of guy. I imagine he had to put Andromeda at her ease to even get a few words into her. I don't think that Andromeda is prejudice herself but she seems to want to keep her family appeased

I squeed at Ted telling his parents about her. One because it's sweet and two because I don't think it's terribly common for a guy to do that first. I loved the hesitation then eagerness from Andromeda.

As her sister, I could see it being quite hard to hear that Bella is trying to join Voldemort. I quite like that they're going to try and help her/stop her from doing that. I can just feel the love Andromeda has for her family (evil as they might be).


Author's Response: Rose!

Haha, yes they do continue to rebel throughout the story and it's so much fun to write! I'm glad that you liked their relationship too, because I really love them as a ship and I really didn't want to mess it up.

I know, but then this is Ted who's just so cute and in love and needs to tell the world and yay for that! I'm glad you liked the twist with Bella, it was a lot of fun to mix it up with that. I think the bonds between the siblings are hard to break no matter what they do and I'm glad you found that here.

Thanks for the great review, Rose!


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Review #32, by Lululuna Memories.

1st December 2013:
Hi Kiana! I'm taking an essay break for the second of your two prize reviews. :)

This was such a great chapter, and it's really interesting how you're progressing the story so well even though large chunks of time occur between the chapters. It's really well done, and I feel like I know all about Andy and Ted and their relationship just from what's seen here.

The line about the colours of their cloaks contrasting with hers was really excellent in showing, not telling, and so was Andy's thought that she only had to ask the other future DEs about what Bella would be up to. I really commend you on the showing there and how subtle it is, and I felt that Andy's bitterness and worry really came through as well: she seems quite resigned to Bella's fate.

I found the little mention of Cissy really interesting here and how she smiles when she's with Lucius- it was sweet, and they do seem to genuinely like each other, which I always thought in the books as well. Andy's thoughts that she would never know what would happen to Cissy was really poignant and did a good job of showing her guilt and confusion about what's going on, even if she's already made her choice.

Aw, Sirius is adorable here! I've never thought about it before, but his having to go home and worry about his treatment from his parents at such a young age, for being in danger from his family simply because of who he is, is so tragic and unfair. This scene makes me wish Andy would have done more to protect Sirius. :( But I feel like in this story, she's not a hero who is going to shake things up and take these risks: she has enough on her plate with making her choice to run away with Ted. And that's okay: she can't save everyone. But it is sad, what is likely to happen to Sirius when he gets home.

This sentence: but if the old life is a Ted-free and a Mudblood saying one she shanít miss it much I feel like the "Mudblood saying" bit is a little unclear. :)

Ted and Andy are so adorable together! I love the moment where they kiss and then hold hands and it's so brave and daring and full of lurve. The moment really captured the magnanimity of what they're about to do and how it will change so much for Andy and separate her from the family forever. It's such a brave decision and I'm getting really attached to these two: at least they get a long life together before DH. :( I'm so curious as to how her family will react and how they'll know what has happened- will they think she's gone missing and go looking for her? Will she send them a letter? Gah, so much suspense!!

By the way, I just feel the need to comment on the nickname 'Dromeda' as I thought it was so sweet, but also somehow reminded me right away of a dromedary camel. :P Hehe.

Also, I'm not sure if I thought to mention this in my last review or not but I really like the title and description in the summary, and then the quotes at the beginning of each chapter. It's really powerful and I think the Broken Crown idea is so creative: it reminds me of how Andy isn't a hero in the conventional sense, and she doesn't want glory like Bella, and it's a really brilliant image.

Amazing chapter, Kiana! I'm looking forward to see where the story will take us next. :D

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm taking a break from an essay to reply to this :P

I'm so glad that you thought the progression between the chapters was so fine, that's the hardest thing with short story collections so I never know whether it worked well or not. I'm glad that you're finding that Andy's character is working well with her and Ted and then her and Bella. The divide between the two is so strong, yet at times I feel as if they don't want to recognise that there is one which was really fun to explore here.

I'm glad you thought her and Lucius loved one another because I thought so too. There is hope out there in the pureblood world that one can marry for love, and that's what I was trying to show here. The idea of guilt between Cissy and Andy will continue to crop up throughout the story, so I hope you continue to like it!

Yay, I love Sirius here too because he actually doesn't seem too bitter like he does later on. In fact, it's one of my favourite stages with the whole conflict with him being in Gryffindor going which is making me want to explore this era of him even more. Yay, you got exactly what I wanted to convey about Andy not being a hero. I mean, sure she's brave for running away, but then there's that Slytherin side to her which will always look for the advantage for her, meaning people like Cissy and Sirius are left behind.

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll clear it up soon!

I'm glad you liked that scene because I was a little worried it would border on cheesy :P Yes, that is the one comforting thing about writing them unlike Ronks and Jilly, because in a way they get their fairy tale and happy ever after even others don't. Ooh, I hope you like what I have planned for their reaction because it was a lot of fun to think of :P

Bahaha, it reminded me of that too, but Ted said it in the book so I had to include it.

I don't think you did, but thanks a lot! I was trying to think of the basic idea of it and a title, and then the song came on and it was as if it was fate :P It also means if I'm stuck for ideas for the next chapter I can turn to the lyrics for inspiration :P

Thanks for such an amazing review, it really made me smile! ♥


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Review #33, by vanityfair Memories.

28th November 2013:
Sirius and James were very sweet and just like I thought they would be. I liked how the cousins always had someone to go to if they needed to. Andromeda and Ted are very cute and I like how they are finally escaping from her evil family. I won't be surprised if Bella kills someone because of it. Maia xxx

Author's Response: Yes, I do like the idea of Sirius and Andromeda being friends as you know from AAO so it was nice to act out my head canon here. Bella won't kill her, probably just get her revenge through Tonks instead. Thanks for the great review!

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Review #34, by vanityfair Flickers.

27th November 2013:
Ted and Andromeda were very cute and made me aw a lot. I never thought of them before but they are sweet after reading this. The news from Cissy was very scary especially as it is true. Poor Bella, she could have been saved but isn't. She still scared me here even though she didn't appear in person. Good chapter. Maia xxx

Author's Response: I'm glad they made you aw because they do that to me a lot too! I know, it's so tragic. If someone had maybe given her more love as a child she could be different to what we know her as. Thanks for another great review Maia!

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Review #35, by vanityfair Scorches.

27th November 2013:
I can't believe I hadn't seen this until now. I'm not a fan of Mumford and Sons but the lyrics fit well here. Bella was very scary and gave me the shivers when she appeared. I can see the Death Eater in her a lot. Andromeda was very sweet, I like the way she refused to marry Lucius. He and Cissy were cute together and made me aw. Maia xxx

Author's Response: Haha, it's fine and I honestly didn't expect you to come and review this! Perhaps I can change your ways about Mumford and Sons :P The characterisation was fun so it's great you liked it!


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Review #36, by Lululuna Flickers.

27th November 2013:
Hi Kiana! :) I'm here for your first prize review. I saw that you updated this story just now and read the amazing first chapter, but thought I'd review the second two since they have less at the moment. :) I hope that's OK!

Wow, I absolutely love Andromeda (from now on to be called Andy since her name is long) and what you've done with her here. I've never read a story about her from her school days but this was really wonderful and I love what a careful, rational and unselfish person she is. This chapter flowed really interestingly from the first one in how it set up the Black sisters as children, which was really chilling.

I love Ted! He seemed like such a lovely character in the books and reading about their secret sneaking around love affair is so cute. I loved it when he ticked her face with her hair, and ran down the corridor after her - they were such quirky, silly moments which made me really like these two as a couple. It was interesting to see how Andy was drawing the parallels and differences with her parents and Ted's as well.

Cissy is a really unique character too, I think. In the first chapter we mostly see her as this weak little girl who is just under Bella's thumb, so I liked seeing her progress to being a more mature and world-weary girl in this chapter. It was so sad, how Andy is really resigned to her sister's fate and how she's going to keep getting more like Bella, since Bella is the stronger force, and it makes me wish Andy would stand up and fight for Narcissa instead of just hoping for the flickers. But then Bella's influence is so powerful over Narcissa, like when Andy thinks that Bella taught her how to put on a mask.

I like Cissy for thinking that killing people is wrong, and appreciate that about her, though of course it would be better if she could be more like Andy. Though I wonder if Andy's opinion is changing because of Ted or not? It's interesting, how different and yet similar they are.

Another part of the sisters' dynamic that I really liked were the nicknames and how they gave the girls power over each other. Cissy asking Andy not to call her that (oops) was interesting in how she doesn't want to be seen as a little child anymore, while she's afraid of telling Bella not to call her that. Gah, having the future Bellatrix Lestrange for a sister would be really terrifying! :/ I feel like by the girls calling Bellatrix "Bella," it sort of softens her up a little and links her to the girl they love, despite her craziness, which was quite interesting too.

Even though Bella didn't actually make an appearance in this chapter, it was clear that her influence is everywhere and she was a major character regardless of not speaking a word. I was a little afraid she would show up, I have to admit. She's such a dynamic, terrifying character and I really love what you've done with her here. You've done a really good job of hinting at little aspects and details of Andy's life to create a complete picture, which is important in short story collection-style stories.

Great job, Kiana! ♥ I'm really loving this story!

Author's Response: Don't worry about it, I'm rather glad that you did start reviewing from this one as these chapters don't have as much feedback as the previous ones. :)

I'm so glad that you love Andromeda/Andy (you're right it is easier just writing that!), because I'm on a campaign to get more people to become fans of her as she really is amazing! It's the same with Ted too really because they're often forgotten characters which is a real shame because when you think about it there relationship is really sweet and adorable and dramatic too with the way she defied her parents.

I'm glad that you thought it flowed well too because going from fluff mingled with regret and then a dark conversation with a bit of hope is an obscure mix :P

Aw, Cissy, she really is one of the biggest what if characters and just make me so sad that she followed the wrong sister. I really love your analysis of the whole situation because I had never thought about it so much and it really is interesting.

Ooh, I was a little worried if her dislike of people killing Muggleborns was a little too unorthodox but you've really calmed my fears! I think Andy's opinion was always a little more liberal than the other two, but she is a middle child who might have been doing that to stand out more against the adult and baby child, but I do reckon that Ted has a massive part to play because being in love really does change you.

Names are a powerful thing aren't they with Voldemort being a great example of that. I think Cissy at this stage is just caught in a place where she doesn't know who she really is and what she really wants. At about 14/15 you really are forming the person you'll remain to be and I suppose this is the way she's battling with it.

Hahaha, it would be and I'm so glad my sister's really nice in comparison :P I'm glad you picked up on her being called Bella though as I was sort of trying to show that the only people who could really change was her family but they didn't. Nope, I felt that this chapter needed to concentrate on Cissy and Andy's relationship without the influence of Bella being present. I'm not actually sure whether she will make another appearance but I really do want her to because she's just an amazing character!

Thanks for such an amazing review, it really did make me smile! :D


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Review #37, by MissesWeasley123 Memories.

27th November 2013:
Look at my ninja skills omg I know.

So.. wow. This chapter had so many emotions that you were trying to cover and I thought you did a really good job with it.

The whole concept's very unique. You manage to get a lot across in less than 2000 words in each chapter. Nothing ever really happens that causes drama, but what ever you write is so peaceful and yet there's that side of uncertainty that you manage to show really well.

In this, I think what I loved most was the inclusion of Sirius. I thought that was very cute. His relationship with his cousin is so sweet, I felt happy for them. At least they have each other as family they can rely on.

Again, so many Ted/Andromeda feels. Their relationship is so sweet, and if she really is moving in with him - well, I cannot wait! It'll be really fun to read.

Another thing I loved was just the very easy going feel this chapter had. Andromeda's troubled, but she's taking it one step at a time, living in the moment, unsure of what could happen next. My curiosity was perked throughout, and as always, a perfect chapter Kiana!

Author's Response: It's ninja Nadia! :P

Aw, thank you, it was really hard balancing them all as they're all so different. Haha, unique is a nice word for different :P I'm really glad that you're still enjoying despite the lack of drama, it's rather different to my usual writing style so dabbling in this has definitely been a lot of fun.

Aw, Sirius, another soft spot for me! My head canon is that he and Andromeda were friends and helped one another out so I couldn't help but include it here. I'm so glad you liked them moving in together it was a lot of fun to do, I still have to decide what to include in the next chapter but it will bear some relation to them.

A perfect chapter? Wow, what an insanely wonderful/brilliant/amazing comment, gah, I could just sit here and squeal. Thanks for a perfect review!


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Review #38, by maraudertimes Scorches.

26th November 2013:

Okay, so I've never read a story in this era, so it was both refreshing and original! Yay!

I really liked your version of Andromeda. While still young (an age you captured magnificently, both in thought and in action), she seems to be a little wary of the extremely purist ways of the Black family which seems extremely canon! I also really liked Bella (well... as much as anyone can like Bella), and she seems harsh and cruel as a child, something that definitely translates into her as an adult. Lucius and Narcissa also seem very well written as we see that they are not brave, nor do they possess anything considered courageous when they're older - other than Narcissa lying to the Dark Lord about Harry being still alive, of course.

The fact that this was written in third person was amazing, since I struggle with it myself, and it seemed very... real. Like I was inside Andromeda's mind, seeing what she saw and thinking what she thought, without actually being her. It was very nice and hopefully I can someday pull that off as well as you do. :)

The premise of this story also seems really cool and I think it'll be interesting to see the different stages of Andromeda's life. Sirius Black's life is obviously known a little, but as to how Andromeda left and married Ted is something very fascinating. It'll be super cool to see how you play that up: a Slytherin pure-blood from a family of purists, her own sister Bellatrix, falling in love with a muggle-born. The transition from doubting her family's values to realizing her own morals might be difficult, but judging your writing style, I have no doubt that you could, can, and will pull this off magnificently.

Amazing job!

Author's Response: Hey Lo!

Yay I'm glad I proved to be original :D

I'm so glad that you liked Andromeda and thought I caught her age as she is rather dear to my heart so I didn't want to ruin the characterisation of her or anything. Haha, I liked too, so I get what you mean! She's just so interesting and curious. Yes that couple is rather odd when you think about them as they don't really have any distinguishing characteristics other than following one another.

I struggled with it myself until I forced myself to write in it, so maybe if you give it a try you could be surprised! Practice makes perfect as they always say, so I'm sure you'll pull it off one day!

I do hope you stick around to see the different moments of her life then, as it would mean an awful lot to me! It is so much fun to explore it because when you think of her life it is rather dramatic with the way she defies her family for love (secret romantic right here :P)! Thank you for the compliments, you really did make my blush a lot! ♡


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Review #39, by nott theodore Scorches.

19th November 2013:
Hi Kiana! I've been meaning to come and review this since you told me about it, especially since you finished NaNo, but since you managed that in ten days (!) I haven't been able to get time until now.

So, you know you've already got me at Andromeda, but then I started reading and realised that this story was starting with Andromeda as a child. It's something I've never seen done before and I was really intrigued by it and the way that you would portray the different sisters. I think you've done a great job!

I liked the way that, in the span of the chapter, we actually only witnessed a short amount of time, but that we found out so much information about Andromeda's life and family and her character at this time. You paid a lot of attention to detail, as well, which I really appreciated. I liked the bit about baby Regulus being sick on Cissy - even the mighty pureblood families aren't able to stop little children from behaving as such, however early they might try to coach them out of it.

I really think your characterisation was brilliant here. You've remembered that we're viewing them as children, so the outlook and perspective is different - simpler, almost, and a little naive. There are glimpses of their future personalities, but they aren't fully formed and aren't the same characters we see in the books. Bella, as the eldest, is probably the closest to that, but even she doesn't seem completely mad or evil yet.

Bella is characterised perfectly. She's imperious and domineering, and I can understand in a way that as the eldest she feels she has to exercise power over her younger sisters. She's parroting views she's been taught, and it seems almost as if she's never thought to question them, however intelligent she is. We can see that in the books when she doesn't believe that Voldemort's a half-blood, and worships him almost blindly.

I was impressed by Andromeda's characterisation as well. It's clearly something you've put a lot of thought into and I liked the fact that at this point she's clearly beginning to develop her own ideas, but at the same time is learning when it is the best time to voice them and when it's not. That part goes along with the Slytherin in her family, but I also think we get glimpses, when she tries to stand up to Bella, of the woman who eventually defies her family and marries a Muggle-born. But at this point there's still a sense of duty to her family and I can see how hard, when she doesn't argue about marrying Lucius, it will be for her to break out of that mindset.

I really liked the way you characterised Cissy. She was the youngest sister and I can tell that she must have learnt the hard way not to go against anything Bellatrix is saying. She definitely seems to be more of a follower here, but at the same time I think you've left potential for her to be something else. She seems to care more about herself than anything else - mostly because she's young but that's also a trait we see later on. As long as her family are alright she will do what she has to in order to survive. Lucius, again, was great. I liked the idea that he was originally supposed to marry Andromeda and potentially that was the plan until her marriage to Ted. We can already see here that Lucius and Narcissa fit together a lot better and I think they go well together.

This is a great start, Kiana, and I'll be trying to catch up with the second chapter as soon as possible! ♥

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sorry for taking aeons to reply to this, Sian, I don't have much spare time at the moment which makes me winning NaNo in 10 days even more confusing :P

I'm really glad that I managed to peak your curiosity with this chapter because this family are so recluse and so strange that even with the ones who broke free such as Sirius and Andromeda we still don't know much about their life when they were members of the Black family. I think that's why I tried to cram so much detail in because I've had scenarios of their life rolling around in my head for ages but I've only been able to get them out now. Haha, the Regulus part was a favourite of mine as it showed how even they can't always control everything :P

I'm really glad that you liked the characterisation as the Black family are a great love of mine so I did want to get it right. Bella is a favourite of mine because she's just so curious, and like you said, she still hasn't properly formed her personality so it always leave the wondering of whether she could be saved or not. You really got what I wanted to portray which makes me very happy! I just find her worship of the Mudbloods and the dark side so intriguing and I really love exploring it.

Yay for Andromeda because she is the main character she was also the character I was most worried about. She is an odd character in the way with the way she can already assess the situation to see how it will benefit her the most and how not to hurt too many people. I suppose that's how she ended up with a Slytherin. The Lucius thing was sort of thrown away as they saw how close he and Cissy were, so it's ok in that respect. :P

Aw, Cissy ♥ I think she breaks my heart the most because she could have followed either of the sisters she just had to chose the wrong one in the end. There are so many what ifs with this family hat it breaks my heart. Then again, her marrying Lucius probably played a big part in it all as he went into the dark arts. You will see a bit more of Lucius and Narcissa so I hope you like it!

Thanks for such an amazing review Sian, you really are amazing! ♥


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Review #40, by MissesWeasley123 Flickers.

18th November 2013:
Oh my god, I love this first review on every chapter thing I have going lol.


I just loved it. Andromeda and Ted's relationship is just so cute I just... ♥

Ted seemed really nice. Really dreamy and the two of them seem so in love. It was really nice, to see. And touched my heart.

I love how you as an author can go from something so warm, to something so dark. That transition was really smooth, and I really liked it.

I think there was a couple of typos back when Ted and Andromeda were talking, in their dialogue. You might want to check those over :)

My heart flutters when I see the two of them as a pair, and I wonder how they got there. That makes me ship them a bit more, haha.

And that last line... Oh, that was chilling.

Well done!

Author's Response: Haha, that would be cool! Sorry for taking aeons to reply school is being a 12+ word!

Gah, I never thought much about them but since writing this I want more and more of them. I'm glad that you liked Ted and thought he was dreamy because for Muggleborn dating a Black he kind of has to be.

I'm so glad that you liked it as it was a ton of fun. Thanks for letting me know about the typos I will never post when I have those niggling feelings that it's not perfect!

Thank you for this lovely review and it's even lovelier compliments from an even lovelier person! ♥


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Review #41, by randomwriter Scorches.

15th November 2013:
Hello Kiana! :)
I'm here for our swap. Sorry it took me a while to review this. I've been fairly busy!
On a side note, WOOHOO for completing 50K already! *hands over celebratory cake and balloons* :D

Okay, now onto the story.
I really like the idea of a short story collection about Andromeda's life. I too have a soft soft for her and I'll definitely stick with this story :) It'll be interesting to see which moments of her life you choose to write about, and how you show them.

I really liked the voice in which you wrote this. Andromeda's inner voice, I think, is perfect, especially because it is so simplistic and it goes well with her only being eight. You've written her thoughts well too.

Showing Bella as the darker one from their early years. I also like that Narcissa is the follower without a backbone, because it explains her later self quite well. Andromeda, of course, is already slightly breaking away from everything her family stands for. I like how you didn't show it explicitly because she still is a child, after all. But you can see the signs here, and I think that it's a great way of building her character. We don't see much of Lucius, so I'm not sure. But he seems like the kind who does as he's told. So I suspect that he was taught 'the proper ways of being a pure-blood' when he was younger, and he might just have absorbed it at it's face value without questioning it So, that's a plus on characterisation! :)

I especially loved the conversation between Bella and Cissy because it shows how they were conditioned to hate muggle-borns from their childhood. In a way, it wasn't even their choice.

About the flow and the pacing, I really like how you didn't drag it out. It was somehow fitting because she's very young and childlike and the human attention span during that period is very low, if that makes sense. It somehow felt appropriate. I had to re-read some bit because it was slightly confusing, but not enough to really detract from the story, so maybe you could see if you want to edit some parts, but I don't believe that it's necessary.

All in all, this was a really nice read and it fit in really well with the image I have in my head! Ping me when you update next :) I'm sure to read it.

Love Adi :)

Author's Response: Hey Adi!

It's fine, I've taken a while to respond to this so we're quits :P Thanks for the cake by the way!

I'm so glad that you liked the idea because when you think about it an awful lot of things have happened in it yet no one seems to write her so I hope to create a revolution with more emphasis on her :P

Yes Narcissa as the follower is sort of a recurring theme throughout this short story collection so I hope you like it. I'm glad you liked how Bella and Andromeda are also mimicking their later characters as I wasn't too sure about it. Lucius will pop (I think?) again in this so no worries you will see him again!

Yes, I would definitely agree with that for Bella though I do hope to show a different side to Cissy so watch and wait :P

I tried to not drag it out because I used to do it all the time with pointless description and stuff but it just made it worse even if it was longer :P I'll definitely re-read it again because I think at times it delved too much into a child's mindset thus leading to the confusion that you had!

Thank you for this wonderful review, I will definitely ping you when the next chapter's up which I hope is in a couple of days!


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Review #42, by marauderfan Scorches.

14th November 2013:
This is a great start! There isn't much out there about Andromeda so I was really excited to read it.

You've done really well showing a child's perspective in the Black family. I particularly liked Andromeda's innocent views of the house elf heads on the wall, how they were her friends, and she doesn't really understand how disturbing it is.

And this part as well: They went to see baby Regulus the other day, and he was sick all over Cissyís frock. That doesnít seem fine to her.

This is such a child-like thing to think. She doesn't really associate purebloods with being proper, because that sort of prejudice doesn't make sense to her yet - but she doesn't think they're much better because the baby was sick and it was gross haha. Basically I like the way you've done her perspective and what she focuses on as a kid.

Bellatrix was really well written too! You can see how she became who she was, its evident even as she's about 10 or so. It really makes me wonder what would have happened if she were raised in a family that didn't drill the pureblood stuff into her head, because she just repeated whatever her parents said. Anyway, I thought you did really well with her. And Lucius and Narcissa as awkward and confused little kids, I thought that was a nice touch as well.

You are a wonderful writer Kiana! This was a well written chapter and your characterisations are excellent. Keep up the great work! I'm sure I'll be back to read more ♥

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

I'm so glad that you liked the child's perspective because they had such strange and twisted childhoods in comparison to other people's so delving into that was a lot of fun.

Haha, I liked that line too! I really liked your analysis of that line though because it makes perfect sense, to see how for Andromeda she still hasn't fully formed her views but is edging close to it, but with Bella she already has formed her views and is following the good pureblood line of the family.

I think with someone like Bella and how twisted she is, it would begin to show now and it's rather scary at that. It is interesting to ponder that, and I would like to think she would have been normal because the parent's influence upon the child is a great one. Bahaha, I loved your description of Lucius and Narcissa it had me chuckling away :P

Thank you for such a wonderful review Kristin, it really did make me smile! I hope you do stick around too, as that would mean a lot to me!


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Review #43, by Rumbleroar goes roar Scorches.

14th November 2013:
I really enjoyed reading this from the perspective of young children. It was a really interesting take on how they see the world and how they interact with each other at that age. Your writings flows really well too. :) I particularly liked the interaction with the House Elf heads! How she waved at them, as though greetings her friends again and how Lucius also reacted.
I really love Andromeda too so can't wait to read more :)

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so glad that you liked the perspective as it was very different to what I usually do, the House Elf heads part was especially fun :P I'm really glad that you like Andromeda as I was a little worried about writing her, but hearing that makes me feel better. Thank you for these truly lovely compliments, I hope you like the rest of it! ♥


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Review #44, by toomanycurls Scorches.

14th November 2013:
I'm quite in love with the notion behind this story!! Andromeda made such interesting choices with her life. She's almost like Sirius but with better results (in terms of disassociating with her pureblood maniac family).

It must have been so eerie to meet a sickly boy and find out you'd marry him some day. Especially as Andromeda seems to be a few years older (not gross older just old enough to register that he's not her peer).

I can only imagine what it would have been like growing up with Bellatrix. She'd make the meanest of siblings look kind in contrast. I like what you said about their mother seeing her as lost cause at that age even. It just kind of fits her level of evil.

Wow - Bella's muggleborn hatred started early. It does make sense with her family but she' *really* internalized their beliefs. It's really awesome that Andromeda is contradicting what Bella is saying. I get the feeling that she's the oldest but it would be hard to contradict the family line on muggleborns like she did. Ah, poor Narcissa and Lucius- they're just little kids and are being emotionally torn apart here.

I really love how you set up Lucius and Narcissa. They're perfect playmates and end up being perfect spouses (at least on paper).

The ending could not have been better! Andromeda is defiant about the marriage and still a bit hopeful that her sister will turn around.

Can't wait for more of this!


Author's Response: Rose!

I never really thought of her in comparison to Sirius, but it's so true now that I think of it. It must have been gross for her, I agree, but I guess the pure bloods are more likely to dig those sorts of weird age gaps than we are :P

Yeah, that's exactly why I wanted to explore Bella as she's such an odd character and I really thought that writing about it would be cool as I could explore her relationship with her parents.

I'm glad that you liked the differences between all of them as I plan on exploring them a lot more in future chapters and showing how those differences will then go and influence their choices. I'm so glad that you liked the whole Lucius/Narcissa thing, it was so much fun to do and I hope to write more about the pairing.

I think Andromeda will always be hopeful about her sister, even when she's gone as it's the sort of thing which never changes.

Thanks for the awesome review, Rose, and I hope you do stick around!


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Review #45, by bellatrixlestrange123 Scorches.

14th November 2013:
Hi there!,

I'm here for the review swap :)

I will be honest, I've never read a Andromeda fic before so I was very interested when I clicked on here. Also, you had such an enticing summery too, which made it all the more special *sqeee*

Anywayyy,I really liked the way that you started the chapter off. Your representation of Lucius as being a very bijou and almost raw-boned type of kid really was original and I think that it really helped to make your story and writing all the more unique! And that is great! Also, Lucius' curiosity also helped to add infinite amounts of originality onto your chapter because when I read Lucius fics where he is a child, he's always very aware of himself and the things around him. So again, well done!

I think that your portrayed innocence and childlike ways of thinking really well too! The line 'she hauled Andromeda into the corridor and told her she was to marry this Lucius boy, no arguments. Andromeda nodded and tried to tell Mother about Bella but she ignored her' really highlights the way a child thinks! Andromeda is very unpretentious and as green as grass!

I look forward to reading more! This was written very very well!

Keep up the good work! :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

I've never really written/read many before wither, so I'm so glad that I enticed you over here with the summary I thought was terrible :P

I'm glad that you liked the characterisation of Lucius, because I always thought he was a bit of a wimp. He never really stood by his beliefs always changing so he didn't get into trouble so I guess I tried to show that here. Aw, it just means so much to me hearing that you liked Lucius so much because he was such a fun character to write, well they all were but you know :P

Thanks again for saying that you liked it as it means a lot! I'm going to try to show other sides of Andromeda to make her more multi-dimensional and real but I think the good image of her works well so far.

Thank you for these really lovely comments, and I do hope you carry on reading! ♥


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Review #46, by Lady of Tears Scorches.

11th November 2013:
This is really interesting. I thought you pulled off first person well; it always takes me brain a few minutes to soak it in for some reason when I'm reading first person, but overall it added a great mood to the story.

I am most fascinated by Bella in this. It's interesting to think of her as mentally unstable from the beginning. I liked that her madness is already showing through.

Overall, I think characterization is your strongest point in this story so far. :)

I think you could really play up being in Andromeda's head. I thought there could be more description about what Andromeda was seeing and experiencing.

Good luck with the upcoming chapters!

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm so glad that you liked Bella in here as it was a challenge for me to make a child appear Death Eatery and evil, but it was nice to think that you pulled it off.

Thanks for the lovely compliments about the characterisation, it's never been an exact strong point of mine!

Now thinking about it, I did miss an opportunity to expand it more, it's just tricky making description vivid but also from a child's mind, but I'll have another crack at it.

Thank you so much for this lovely review, it was a real treat!


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Review #47, by MissesWeasley123 Scorches.

11th November 2013:
Who wants to be lovely? I want to be lovely! Yes, I do!

Ahh Kiana, you brilliant writer you. How do you manage to write this, what with winning NaNo?? You are so awesome, seriously.

I have to say, I'm an Andromeda hater. Well, not necessarily hate but more like dislike. I just don't like reading fics on her because I find her very boring :P

I liked this interesting take you have on her. You characterize her really well, and I really liked the fact that she stood up to Bellatrix. That really reflects on the decisions she made later in life, like marrying Ted.

Also, I saw this fic and ten minutes later, I refreshed the page and BAM - banner. lol.

You showed the twisted and creepy mind of Bellatrix so well. You toned it down to some extent, I mean - she's only a kid - but those Bellatrix-ish things were still evident.

The character I liked most, well - it's not one specific one, but I'll put them together. Lucius and Narcissa. It was different seeing them as six year olds and really different. Lucius was almost er - cute. Really well done.

Oh, and I loved the beginning about the doll, that was so well done.

I'll definitely be back when you update this, you're off to a great start! (and hopefully I've managed to snag first review!)

Author's Response: Nadia, you are too lovely for words at times! ♥ ♡

Erm, by procrastinating from German homework which still needs to be done :P I know what you mean about Andromeda though, and I do hope to change that as she is a really interesting character just one which is often forgotten about!

I thought it would be fun including that, because I think if you're going to do that there are signs of it developing earlier.

Lol, that was thanks to the lovely Ramya, and the UFG section at TDA, as I just came across it and fell in love!

I'm glad that you liked Bellatrix, it sounds horrible but it was way too much trying to think of ways that a nine year old could appear evil :P Aw, and Lucius and Narcissa ♥ I've always held a soft a spot for them, so it means a lot to me that you said that.

You did manage to snag the first review *throws confetti around* and thank you for being such a fabulous first reviewer, it really did make my day! ♥


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