This story was quite hard for me to follow (probably because I'm not the brightest bulb in the box :p haha) anyway I like it, a lot! It's very dark and powerful and very emotional. It's also funny at the same time, in some part. So kudos to that. I really like it!Author's Response: It's difficult for most people to follow, so that might say more about my intelligence than yours. :P
I'm glad you enjoyed it - especially the couple of funny lines that were in there, I'm generally not good at those.
Thank you for the review swap! Report Review
Hmmm I thought this piece was interesting.
The first bit especially I thought was fabulous with the description of Tonks and her almost infatuation with Redmus before they first got together. The talking it over with Molly, her realising everything he had suffered. I also liked the part where Molly seems to be reassuring Tonks that everything would turn out okay!
The following paragraph about their marriage is just so awesomely cute!
The second part confused me a little so I had to reread several times but in the end I decided it was meant to be confusing? If not I would recommend breaking up the paragraph!
Also I found the bit quite sweet about Tonks changing into Sirius (well sort of) for Remus. It shows that even though she wants him to love her, she wants to make him happy!Author's Response: 'Interesting' is a bit of an understatement. 'Disturbing' is what most people go for. :P
Infatuation is the impression I wanted to give, so I'm glad that got through.
You might just be the one person who thinks that the marriage part is cute. The general opinion is that it is unbelievably depressing, which it is, to some extent. Tonks is adorable though, and she'll always be adorable, not matter what Remus does.
The confusion was indeed intentional, but there's a rhythm to it which would've been lost if I'd broken up the sentence.
It is sweet in a twisted sort of way, I suppose. I don't know, I've personally never looked at it that way before. I suppose it's just a matter of opinion. It is a way of Tonks expressing her love for Remus, though, I guess.
Thank you for your review. You've given me plenty of food for thought. :) Report Review
Remus is a constant in her mind, so much so that she can neither tell where she ends and the train of thought that is purely Remusremusremusremusremus begins
^ I enjoyed the way you repeated Remus over and over again. Just. I really don't even know what to say about this. Words escape me. I never really read Remus/Tonks because I just feel like...their story is so tragic. Makes no sense since I read Lily and James but Remus...Remus was the first person I used to read in fanfiction. I do not like to think that he died. You know what I mean?
It's so unfair that Harry Potter had to start with an orphan and then end with an orphan. Poor Teddy.
Yet she knows - the bodily sort of knowledge, the kind that rises from her stomach, making her sit up straight and flex her fingers as if preparing to fight, like her magic but even more innate - that she can heal him: she can erase his grief and isolation, and make him at least marginally happy, given the right set of circumstances.
^ I find it interesting that women seem to think they can fix a man, change him. I think we have this part of our brain that tells us we can do anything -- of course we can -- but healing someone is extreme to me. I think it works of course in the story but I'm going beyond that. I'm saying everyday life.
It is the saddest day of her life.
^ That line just killed me. This entire piece was incredibly sad and just when I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would pick up I reached the end and that was that.
I was left feeling empty. I don't mean I was disappointed because I wasn't. I just mean...I wish that Remus could have been happier. He deserved it. The entire portion about Sirius was just mind blowing. I think that was my favorite part in the entire piece because while Tonks was thinking Remusremusremus, Remus was thinking Siriussiriussirius and there's just something about that, that is incredibly heartbreaking.Author's Response: I know what you mean about Remus, he is my favourite favourite favourite character in the Potterverse and I love him to pieces. Remus/Tonks' story for me is horribly tragic in a different way from Lily/James, because it all goes to pieces while they're both still alive - he turns bitter, and she's depressed. And that's just in canon.
It is unfair. Personally, while I know objectively what JKR was trying to acheive by making Teddy an orphan, it just feels sort of cruel. *sobbing, etc.*
I wasn't intending to stereotype an entire gender through Tonks' characterisation, but okay. In Tonks' case, well... she's a Hufflepuff, after all, isn't she? She just wants to help people. She's chosen the wrong person to help, but she can't know that. I couldn't tell you about everyday life, though.
Empty is how I wanted you to feel, so I'm glad that got through. :P
It's interesting that you feel sorry for Remus, though, because the majority of the responses I've had to this fic are on the Remus-is-an-emotional-abuser side. Hmm.
Thank you for your review, and I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. :) Report Review
I'm not quite sure what to say about this story. For me it was rather confusing, but based on the contest of the story, I have a feeling that was the whole point behind it due to their insanity and what not.
With that said, I think you could have spaced it or wrote it in a different way that perhaps it flowed better or made more sense to those reading. Perhaps having more short lines and spaced out might have made it flow better for the reader instead of large paragraphs. People who think irrationally often have one flowing chunk of thoughts, but because those thoughts all flow together. However, you could have wrote each thought as one line, then continued it into the next line and so on.
Also, the one paragraph that was really huge was basically one big run-on, and I think that was the point, but I honestly got lost in it. I couldn't comprehend it that well and thought about just skimming over the rest because it just lost me so much. I think that was the point, but it just didn't work for me. Sorry.
I guess I understand the concept but I'm not sure how I feel about this story overall. Don't take it personally since sometimes things don't make sense to me, especially if it's not written a certain way. I think maybe you might want to add an author's note explaining why you wrote it a certain way, even maybe briefly describing what it's about so that others might understand better?
Anyways, your overall writing is good and I think maybe if it was just spaced a different way, I might understand it a bit more.Author's Response: It was sort of the point, yeah.
I know what you mean about the formatting; it seems to put off a lot of people, but at the time I honestly could not see where else I could have split the paragraphs. I probably should have looked over it again before I posted it. I'm sorry about that - I tend to sacrifice clarity for rhythm, which means I really shouldn't be writing prose.
Thing is with splitting thoughts into lines is that the whole narrative is made up of people's thoughts, so it'd be a bit awkward. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being defensive.
The run-on sentence was indeed meant to be a run-on sentence, but I can see why it would be confusing. It's a bit of a divider, that sentence is; some people really like it, others hate it. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. All I can write, it seems, is stream-of-consciousness.
I think I will add the author's note, because it's easy to get confused. Thank you for that idea.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and your review. I do appreciate the criticism. Report Review
Two things made me laugh out loud:
"of course it won't be a girl Moony they've both got way too much testosterone for that"
I love that it is funny and dark at the same time, and I don't mind the formatting because it works for stream of consciousness writing.
There were two points that I'm not sure about.
The first is in the Tonks section where it says "physical remains" - once I got to the end of the Remus section I understood that emotionally/psychologically etc. he's checked out, but at first I thought it meant that he was in werewolf form at the time -- I think it works, it just took me a while to digest.
The other is just that towards the end of the first Remus paragraph, when it gets to "it was a good day it was a bad day Remus made it better Remus made it worse" I could have used some commas or semicolons. I had to read it over a few times to get my brain to accept it. :)
Anyway, I really like it, and would definitely read more if you continue on with it.Author's Response: 'Remusremusremusremusremus' was not intended to be funny, but I suppose the unintentional hilarity works. My Tonks is a weird chick.
I'm glad you liked the funnier parts, though. You can't have Sirius without the funny, even when he's being viewed through Remus' distorted lens. Or something.
Tonks marrying an actual wolf is a fantastic mental image, but yeah, I see your point; I just mentioned the lycanthropy because I wanted to highlight another difference betweent them, but I can see how that could confuse someone. Sorry about that.
The thing with the last part of the Giant Sentence o' Doom: it would have broken the sort of rhythm I was trying to create if I'd used commas... I guess I could have used /s though, I think "it was a good day/it was a bad day/Remus made it better/Remus made it worse" might have been easier to digest. I'll be more creative with punctuation in the future. Thank you for calling that to my attention. ^.^
Thank you for your review! It's a one-shot, but I'll definitely write more about Remus and Sirius and Tonks in the future. Report Review
Great job! I felt you really captured the emotions of your characters well. I absolutely loved the stream of consciousness part towards the end. :)
My only complaints are formatting stuff. This story would have been much easier for me to read and enjoy if you were to split up the very large paragraphs into two or three separate ones. Also, the spacing issues at the beginning are a little distracting.
I love the darkness in this story, and I think you do a great job of portraying it without glorifying it. The last paragraph is chilling and disturbing (which I love!). Nice work! Great writing!
AetherAuthor's Response: I'm glad the Giant Sentence o' Doom worked for you - I was worried about that. :)
I was a bit concerned about formatting myself, but I honestly had no idea how else I could split it without compromising the flow of the story, so I just kept the intimidating paragraphing.
The spacing issues are a bit weird - I'll just have to type it up on Word in the future before I post, I suppose.
Yay for not glorifying the darkness! I was a tad unsure about that, because there is romance in it of a twisted kind, and it'd have been really easy to accidentally write the creepiness as romantic. Well, for me it would have, anyway.
Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)
I really enjoyed this - I felt like the emotion was very powerful. I especially liked Remus's first section, where he was recalling all of the thoughts he and Sirius had when their friends were alive and all of them were younger, and I also loved Tonks's last section with the wedding vows ("and they will be poor" was so perfect in its gravity). I also liked the stream-of-consciousness feel that this piece had, because it made the story flow well for me, and it made all the emotion feel very real.
I do have one tiny critique - the formatting. In going with the stream of consciousness feel, I would recommend that you consider separating the piece into shorter sub sections with single lines in key places just to set them apart. The large chunks of text are a little intimidating to read, and I think the power of the story would come through better if the piece was split up into smaller sections.
As for your concern, I do think the "messed up" feeling of the characters here fits, and I think you conveyed things very well. Your summary is interesting, because I saw it as being a bit ironic; Remus is a constant in that he's always absent, and Tonks has a constant feel to her, even as she continually changes things up and tries to make Remus love her. It's almost like she's continuing to live day by day as a woman alone, just because Remus is so clearly lost in his past with Sirius.
Nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hello!
Stream-of-consciousness seems to be the only thing I can properly write, so I'm glad it worked. I'd lose my whole niche if it didn't. XD
When I was writing and editing this, I did try to cut it up a bit more, but I honestly couldn't find any other places where it would have worked without compromising the flow of the story. I will definitely keep that in mind for future reference when I write more, though.
Yay for adequate messed-up characters! You're the first person to comment on the summary. I am terrible at summaries because no summary can really get to the truth, so I decided for this one to go for a deliberately ironic half-truth instead, which is very pretentious, but y'know.
Thanks for this! It was a great help. :D Report Review
Oh this was really quite good. I love how much you love Remus and Tonks, that's always lovely to see someone adoring there pairing. I liked how you wrote Molly, I liked how you wrote the story.
This was so very good, and I really, really enjoyed it!
LizzieAuthor's Response: Thanks, love Report Review
The story is quite complicated , i had to read it over twice to fully understand it.
My only suggestion would be to not make the paragraphs as chunky, maybe split them up a little.
The story its self is lovely.
The struggle of it is a great read.
-SAuthor's Response: Hello there dear reviewer~
Hmm... when I was writing it, the chunky paragraphs were the only way I could properly tell the story without compromising the flow of it, if that makes any sense at all. I don't know. Maybe it's just a matter of taste - or my ego - but splitting the paragraphs or editing them down would have decreased the overall quality of this story.
I'm glad you liked Carelessness, and thanks very much for your review. :) Report Review
I wish I could articulate how this story makes me feel. I am such an ardent Remus/Sirius shipper and this dark, angsty Remus is my head canon and this story is just absolutely perfect. All these words and feelings that hurt but this is my canon. I don't know how you do it. It's like you've crawled into my head and you've described everything I've ever thought about Remus/Tonks in this stream of consciousness kind of madness.
I never really understood that relationship, and maybe part of it is because I love Remus/Sirius so much, but it just seemed to come out of nowhere - Tonks loving Remus, you know? And you sort of give us an explanation that was missing in canon and it makes me sad, because Tonks will never be enough for Remus. The only part of her he so desperately clings to is her ability to turn into someone else that he loved more. The bit about her wedding being the saddest day of her life made me sad. I usually don't feel sympathy for Tonks (I'm slightly bitter about that relationship, you see) but you've made me feel sort of bad for her, especially in Remus's part when you reveal how she changes her image and she still isn't perfect and Remus really isn't there to care much.
I like the repetition from both sides. For Tonks it's all Remusremusremus and Remus is "Sirius was there" and it's like they're both mourning the loss of someone who was hardly there to begin with.
I still can't really tell you how much I love this story. You have such a talent with words that gives me pause, that when I'm done reading it, I'm at a loss for words - hence the rambling reviews.
Will you please write more Remus/Sirius? For me? There aren't enough quality writers out there who write my OTP that make it worth reading anymore and I have a feeling you could write wonderful things.Author's Response: We have the same head canon! You've no idea how happy that makes me. I love Remus/Sirius because they are so so full of angst and it's just beautiful in its ugliness; Tonks/Remus is just ugly, really.
I think the only thing - the *only* thing - that separates me from most of the others who sail the great ship HMS Wolfstar is that I loved Tonks first and only afterwards started shipping R/S. This is generally not the case with R/S shippers, and so Tonks is sort of portrayed as an annoying pre-teen fangirl who got lucky, which is unfair. She's an Auror in difficult times who's won the respect of Moody and still manages to keep a sense of humour, for God's sake. Anyway. Mini-rant over. On with the response to your fantastically ego-inflating review.
I like that I made you feel bad for her. If I can make a Wolfstar shipper feel bad for Tonks, then I consider my job done.
The repetition was intended to bring to mind mourning, because honestly, they are both mourning for their lost loves. (I never thought I'd be able to say something like that with a straight face.) If they both let go, they'd be much happier people, but they never quite manage to reach that point before they die.
Your reviews are a lot less rambly than this hugely inadequate response.
I will totally write more Remus/Sirius! You don't have to worry about me stopping any time soon, honest. In fact, I'm taking part in the RS Games over on LiveJournal, which is turning out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. :D Report Review
Oh dear. That was way more sad than I thought it was going to be. The fact that Remus is never really there for Tonks is a thought that deeply saddens me. Her love, in the books, was so obvious, and it's kind of just been made more real to me the more I've read fanfic about her and Remus.
Remus is the one I've read so far who will waver, who will pine after Sirius. It's sad that neither really got their happy ending. Tonks is right in that her wedding day was the saddest day of her life because she's just living as a stand in for the one that Remus really loves.
I can totally appreciate the paragraph where we're into Remus' thoughts and his missing of Sirius and what leads up to Tonks. While I could've done with another sentence or twenty, I could have the stream-of-conciousness thought. It kind of came across to me as the last wisps of Remus that Tonks has and the thoughts that run through his head. It communicates how little of Remus she actually has because he's so tangled up in missing Sirius.
It's amazing, really, what you decided to write about based off of that quote. Brilliant actually.
xCharAuthor's Response: Her love is indeed obvious - and infinitely sad, I always thought - in the books. Remus is never really shown to feel the same way, though, and so this pairing is possibly the most tragic in HP. It's a reason why I rarely read Remus/Tonks; I honestly can't see these two in a mutual relationship at all.
I don't think any of the really minor characters get their happy ending in HP - certainly not the ones I like to write about. They've all died horribly by the end, anyway.
When I was writing the stream-of-consciousness-sentence, I found that it broke the rhythm I was attempting to create if I broke it up into easier, smaller sentences. I like the idea of it being both what's left of Remus and not Remus at all; he may as well be dead, too.
Aww, you are far too flattering. Thanks for your review! :) Report Review
This is the most beautifully written, but insanely problematic story that I've read outside of the strange Victorian novels I bury myself in, so this review will be on the incoherent side. I like this story for what it does, showing the "real" - the gritty, the dark, the disturbing - side of Remus. This is the story running in the background of HBP and DH, but especially DH, where Remus's erratic behaviour throughout was worrisome because JKR never provided any reason for it. Remus and Tonks have to be the strangest relationship of the entire series (even Tonks/Moody makes more sense), and you show just how completely dysfunctional it is, not to mention how cruel and damaged Remus is by the end of the series. Sirius's death was, to a large extent, also Remus's - the books get so distracted by Harry's grief that Remus is overlooked. Who knows how he spent those first maddening days and nights alone?
What this story does for me, though, is make me ask why the hell did Tonks fall for Remus? He's tragic, but there's a limit to the amount of emotional baggage any person can take on in a relationship. It came out of nowhere in the books, and your story brings me back to questioning where it came from - I just can't wrap my head around her side of the story, especially with this one-shot because I can't see what she gets out of the relationship. There are hints of her feeling vindictive against Sirius, and I feel as though I'm missing so much of these characters' lives. You give them an added depth not found within the books, though it's of a darkly psychological intensity that is disturbing in its realism.
If anything, it shows how irrational love/lust can be - your use of stream-of-consciousness for both characters demonstrates this very well. The haunting addiction that Tonks has to his name is the perfect replacement for the typical maudlin line about thinking of one's love every moment of the day. You show it as a more obsessive thing, and that more accurately captures that feeling. Many would say that Remus comes off the worst in this story, but I think that it's Sirius who does. It is Sirius's words that run through Remus's mind, not his own. Remus is a mere shadow of Sirius's darkness, and even his memories are not his own - they are all full of Sirius. His obsession mirrors that of Tonks, and I suppose that is what links them in the end - she is another shadow of Sirius by way of blood, and she is willing to offer him what he wants, even at the sacrifice of her own identity.
Damn, this story is deep. It is messed up, but people are messed up, so if you write about people as they are, you get a messed up story. :P I definitely admire your writing skills, and I spent just as much time after reading this being in awe of your writing as I did feeling disturbed over that last paragraph. There aren't many who can make stream-of-consciousness work this effectively, and even fewer who can make readers want to hate (or at least feel strongly against) a generally well-loved character. Please write more! HPFF needs more quality writers. :)Author's Response: I've spent the last couple of hours trying to figure out how to respond to the two wonderful reviews you've given me. You flatter me far too much. In reality, this one didn't have quite as much thought put into it as Carelessness did. :P
I think Regulus and Remus both suit their home environments well; Regulus' sense of propriety and suppression of deep emotions - he must have been terrified when he was writing the second one - go well with the silence and dark luxury of the Blacks, while Remus' quiet romanticism goes with his poverty. If that makes any sense at all. I was worried that the description might've got a little bit flowery (actually, I think it did) so it makes me happy that you liked it anyway.
I think a lot of people on HPFF would agree that Remus' story was the most tragic. I don't know. Maybe if I'd shown it to people who were not writers, they'd disagree - after all, Regulus never manages to fulfil the task he sets for himself in the Horcrux note. He dies a failure, to some extent.
Remus is the kind of person to remain silent about things. I don't think he's ever sat down and actually honestly talked to someone in his life. Maybe the contempt Sirius feels towards Regulus in OotP might have been lessened (he just makes a comment about Regulus getting cold feet and himself killed, really, which is so understated once we know the truth that it'd be completely OOC if Sirius knew what Regulus had actually done).
Regulus is an absence rather than a presence in canon. I wanted to somehow make him real without compromising that, because that idea is interesting, hence his silence and the relatively muted emotion of his part. Well, I tried, anyway.
I'm glad you liked this one - it's my least favourite of the two I've posted on here, actually, but there is a huge amount of room for interpretation, which can only be good. You've made my day, and it's only a quarter to twelve, so thank you for this review. :) Report Review
Wow. You write with an excellent tone!
The thoughts that the characters were thinking were very train-of-thought-ish, which is perfect for the story, I think. It was one of those situations where I didn't get lost in the words, but the thoughts just kind of jumped out of the computer at me and made my head spin like crazy. Marvelousness!
Keep writing things like this, along with other genres and types of stories and suchlike. :)Author's Response: Hello again!
Stream-of-consciousness is difficult to read at the best of times, so well done. XD
You are far too flattering, my dear, but thank you, and I will write so much that you'll get sick of me. Report Review
Oh wow! It probably took me forever to write this review, but that's because I had to read your story a few times just to make sure what I really felt about it (and then I managed to delete it and I had to write it again...). But to be honest, I'm still not sure. So many mixed feelings going through my head right now!
I'll start with saying that Remus is one of my favourite characters, I love him. You made me hate him in this story. I don't really want to feel that way, which makes me want to hate your story. But then again, something is preventing that and I find this whole story so captivating. And messed up, that I can't deny. But it doesn't matter, because messed up works for me.
Poor Tonks, I really want to just cry because of her feelings for Remus and the way she is torturing herself for loving him so much, when he could never respond to them in a similar way.
I have to say, that humongous sentence about Sirius made me want to suggest cutting it to pieces. But then I reread the part and I found the right pace for it and suddenly it flowed perfectly. So I really don't want you to do anything about it, it's actually quite lyrical.
And then the ending. Urgh, that was just... I don't even have the words to describe what I feel about that one. Why, Remus, why? Why would you let her do that? Why would you let her love you so much when you're not capable of sharing her feelings, and then use her in the most horrid way? That's just awful! But then again, it was such a perfect ending for such a sad story that I really can't hate it either.
Yes, I'm perfectly aware that my review didn't make much sense. But I do want to tell you that you did an amazing job as a writer, since it's not very easy to make me feel this way! This truly is a talented and very unigue piece. I definitely need to read more of your work!
I think I'll have to read this once more to see if I can already decide what I feel d:
~EleniaAuthor's Response: Hello, fellow Gryffie!
I seem to be creating a lot of mixed feelings with this fic. It's not exactly easy to read, is it?
Remus is my favourite character in the whole of the Potterverse, and so I sort of broke my own heart by writing this. I'm glad that my story seems to be impossible to hate, however messed up my characters are.
The worst thing about writing this story for me was making them both so oblivious; her to the fact that she is unable to fix him, and him to the person he's become. I wanted to slap them both. With love, of course.
On the giant sentence: it was a bit of a gamble, I have to admit. It could have gone horribly wrong. I'm glad it worked for you, though, because it's not really an easily palatable sentence, is it?
I've only one excuse to offer on Remus' behalf: he's not even there. He's so completely dissociated from all of this that he doesn't truly realise what he's doing. It's a bad excuse, of course, and someone needs to wake him up from his constant daydream, but Tonks for all her talents doesn't quite have the strength to do so.
Your review made perfect sense. It makes me happy in a not-really-happy sort of way that I managed to affect you. Thanks so much. :) Report Review
This is screwed up, you obviously know that because you wrote it. Okay... where to start.
After I noticed your sentence structure, I went back to the beginning and read it like I would a poem. I actually think this could be turned into that really well and easily, then the unconventional sentences would be a bit easier to read. I don't think it was hard to read like this, though.
The idea of loving some one the way Tonks love him, and giving that person all of you, in trade for a shell of them, is so painful. You bring that pain out really clearly, and it makes me want to cry for her. Not being loved the way you know someone else is will always hurt, no matter the reason. She chooses to take him, knowing what she knows, and in this story I get the sense if the Battle of Hogwarts hadn't killed her, this would have (in the sense of heart, at least).
I love Remus to all ends, and you make me hate him in this. I don't pity his love for Sirius, I just hate him for what he is doing to Tonks, and not being a strong enough man to either get away from her and let her move on, or put everything behind and learn to love the woman he married completely, not just pathetically. So, you being able to make me so disgusted with Remus really shows the talent of this piece.
I don't even know if I want to touch on the ending. It's really is so horrible, but so compelling. The fact that she does if for him is a testimony to her fierce love and lack of self respect. I don't know if you meant to convey that ending one, but I view anyone that lets somebody take advantage of them the was Remus is, as having little self respect. Then I go back to feeling bad for her for loving him so much that she can't say no, and go back to hating him for putting her through that.
I still don't know what I think. I'm happy CambAngst posted a link to your piece, because I have never read anything close to it. You are a wonderful writer, I think the style of this story enhances it.
This is a poem that reminds me of your story (just the spastic pacing) I think you would like it, I'll post it for you in forums!Author's Response: It really is screwed up. I'll take it as a compliment, though, because I made them all insane on purpose.
I'm bad at prose. I tend to write things that straddle the line between prose and poetry, and I had a rhythm in mind while I was writing this. And I have complete and utter disregard for appropriate sentence structure.
I always thought Remus and Tonks' marriage was doomed to fail. I love him an extraordinary amount, but I hated him so much in DH; DH!Remus isn't talked about too much in fic, and he was, quite frankly, deserving of an adjective which isn't 12+ by any stretch of the imagination. I was sort of glad he died by the end, really. (It breaks my heart to say it, but it's true.) So it makes me happy in a sort of sad way that you didn't find Remus sympathetic at all.
I did somewhat mean to convey Tonks' lack of self-respect: she's lost her identity within Remus at this point, she doesn't quite have a self to think of and look after. Remus not calling her by her name, but only referring to her as 'the woman he married', doesn't help either. And now I have to go read The Shoebox Project or something so I don't hate Remus forever.
Thank you so much for this review, my ego is roughly the size of this earth now. And ooh, poem. :) Report Review
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.
So I'm just going to come right out and say it. I can't decide whether this was the most brilliant thing I've ever read or the most whacked out. Or maybe both. It was a relentless stream of consciousness that barreled along like a runaway train on a mountainside. I found myself holding on for dear life as I tried to absorb what was happening without losing the plot line. I would file this under "challenging reading", not for the faint of heart.
Tonks's section at the start did not feel completely unnatural for her. She is a fast-paced individual with a short attention span. And we know that she came to love Remus dearly, especially in the aftermath of Sirius's death. All of the macabre little asides and observations about the war and her likelihood of surviving it were perfectly in character, and added a lot to it.
I think I spotted a typo, but it's hard to be sure, so I'll just flag it: "She is certain that he is worth her time, and ignores with a subconscious sort of vindictive delight her cousin would have approved of Molly's sighs to the contrary;" - "... that her cousin would have..."?
Remus's section wasn't hard to follow from a grammatical point of view, but conceptually it was a brainfull. I found myself guessing at exactly how far Remus's relationship with Sirius had progressed, whether it was mutual or simply unrequited love. And the part at the end about Tonks using her metamorph abilities to imitate Sirius's appearance... dude, I just can't sugar-coat this. That's kind of wrong. But whatever floats their boat, I suppose.
I'll say this without a second of hesitation: Your writing is some of the most unique that I've found anywhere on HPFF and I really hope that people give your stories a chance because they're really eye-opening (mind-altering?) and thought-provoking.Author's Response: 'I can't decide whether this was the most brilliant thing I've ever read or the most whacked out. Or maybe both,' is possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me in my life. Stream-of-consciousness seems to be the only thing I can write, which just shows how pretentious I am.
I found it difficult, actually, to write Tonks; her bubbly, fast-paced personality and my slower, more melancholy (read: boring and/or depressing) style don't really mesh well, so I'm glad the characterisation worked for you. I wasn't entirely intending to make her honestly seem in love with him - what I had in mind was infatuation - but apparently it works anyway. Yay.
Thanks for spotting the sort-of-typo. I'll change it, it'll make the sentence flow a bit more I think.
In my head their relationship was mutual - I had that bit near the end about them having sex - but I suppose it could be either way. I like ambiguity far too much. And on use/abuse of morphing: it really is messed up. My Remus, much as I love him, is crazy, he really is. Poor Tonks. She's only trying to make him happy.
Awww, you've just made my day by saying that. Especially coming from someone as renowned as you here on HPFF, that's just... wow. Thank you. So much. Report Review
Hello, I'm here for the review tag.
I found this piece quite sad. Its a nice reflection on loving someone who is lost and will never be there for you any more and how much losing them changes you and your own perspectives on love, life and lose.
The pain that the characters were suffering through swelled with the tone of voice and sentence structure you used, adding emphasis to their emotions. Be careful though not to make your sentences too long as the meaning starts to get lost. There was a very long one when Remus was thinking about Sirius.
Nice, story, but very sad. Its a shame to think that Tonks loved Remus so much but he didn't love her the same way back, and while she was with him in person, he wasn't really there at all.Author's Response: Hello taggy-person.
I think you might be the only person to call this 'nice' - it's pretty messed up, really - but I know what you mean. Thank you. I wasn't intending to get all philosophical with this fic, but it seems to have happened anyway.
That giant sentence about Sirius was intentional, as I found that splitting it up into shorter, more palatable sentences didn't really create the rhythm that I wanted to. However, I do generally try to limit the huge sentences, because I think I'm the only person who likes them. It's a shame, really, but what can you do? :P
It's sadder in canon, I think. He just seems to outright hate her, especially in DH. My Remus is messed up but he's not *that* messed up.
Once again, thank you for reviewing. :) Report Review
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