tut. tut. tut. victorie is a sneaky little pranster. better watch out for her when she gets to hogwarts. : )Author's Response: Yes, she is! She was really fun to write through Louis' eyes :)
Thank you for this lovely review! Report Review
Hello! teh tarik with your review request :)
Well, this is certainly far from terrible!
This is a lovely, endearing one-shot about sibling relationships, showing a particular moment in the life of Louis Weasley. The child's POV is pretty much spot-on.
There were monsters in the dark, Victoire had told him, monsters waiting to eat him: wolves, goblins, trolls, Acromantulas and Basilisks, all hungry and particularly liking the taste of blonde little boys named Louis Weasley.
This is a fantastic sentence in the opening paragraph; it's full of the 'scary details' of a child's imagination, and it also introduces Victoire Weasley's teasing, almost-scornful, older sister voice. From these little details the reader has a picture of Victoire's character, even though she doesn't really appear in the story.
Louis' description of his relationship with Dominique is just lovely!
Louis had decided he preferred Dominique. Dominique never told Louis scary stories, she never turned him blue or green, and she never made him sprout antlers or grow a fluffy tail, though once she had thrown her pudding at Louis.
The pudding had been difficult to wash out of his hair and Maman had not been happy, but it was still a delicious pudding, and Louis still loved Dominique very much.
This segment has been very carefully written, filled with detail and with a hint of surprise (e.g. the pudding part).
You've pretty much nailed the child's POV, as I mentioned earlier. Another surprise in the story is when Louis' POV shifts to Fleur's:
The corners of Fleur's mouth began to twitch as she took in the whole scene: bubbles everywhere, her two youngest children sopping wet, an old brush used to clean the toilets discarded on the floor, two of her strongest oven-cleaning products lying empty on the floor, and a huge watery stain on the carpet.
She was going to need a little discussion with Victoire about her younger siblings – getting them to give the cat a bath in a broom cupboard was high on the list of things not to do.
The transition from Louis to Fleur (and later back to Louis again) was done very smoothly; it was barely noticeable. Your narrative and shifting viewpoints are fluid, and the pacing of the story, while filled with delightful little details here and there, is careful but unforced.
There is a great sense of delicacy and lightness to your writing, probably to reflect the subject matter and the very memorable scene of the "bubbles"
What would it be like to be a bubble? He would float out through the door, out the window, and rise, high up in the sky, higher than James who never let Louis use his toy broom, higher than the dragons Uncle Charlie took care of, higher even than Teddy Lupin's tree house that Louis was not allowed to go in yet.
Teddy Lupin had said Louis would be able to go inside the tree house when he was four.
I absolutely adore this passage; this was done wonderfully and again, your characterisation and child's POV were pretty much flawless. I love how you compare the bubbles rising high into the sky not with the usual cliches like birds butterflies bees etc. but with things that Louis knows, and are special to him e.g. James' toy broom and teddy's tree house. And then the transition to the character of Teddy Lupin and to Louis' birthday - wow. That was just so fluid and unforced...
I'm running out of adjectives to describe your story :D
Anyway, to sum up: this is a delightful yet unsentimental story - a warm cheerful portrait of a family and the relationship between brothers and sisters. I couldn't find anything wrong with it - everything was just so carefully constructed and perfectly written from beginning to end. Well done!
Feel free to re-request at my review thread anytime :)Author's Response: I have taken so long to answer this, whoops... I wanted to leave an insanely long answer, as long as your review, I really did, but all the compliments you've left me reduce me to the state of a puddle of goop.
So I will say this: THANK YOU :)
This story is one that I'm particularly proud of, so the fact I'm not the only one to like it makes me a very, very happy person.
Very, very happy.
Thank you! Report Review
This was lovely! I really can't find anything to criticize you on, it was very sweet! I love your style of writing so I shall have to take a look at some of your other pieces! Well done, this was a really well written, sweet story!Author's Response: Thank you so much, both for the reviews and the compliments! :) Report Review
Magnificent! I absolutely love it! I might have to venture off to read some more of your stories. Thank you for linking it to me. :3Author's Response: Aww, thank you! Your review made me so happy I smiled like a fool for ten whole minutes and now my brother thinks I have serious issues... Oh, well. Thank you very much for this wonderful review.
:) Report Review
This one shot is so so so so so good, how can you write so well i the early hours of the morning??
I love the cute plot twist, and the little details, like Louis saying "tan" instead of "can" like most toddlers :)
The last line is spectacular, the whole one shot is spectacular, and the POV is brilliant.
"Nothing could outdo the Christmas day on which Victoire had tried to send Louis by owl to Santa Claus against Dwiddle's Doll House."
I absolutely loved that, it's bits of quirky detail like that that make you such an amazing and awesomely awesome writer, Val.
It added a nice touch when she was angry and spoke in french, that shows that when she's feeling emotive she slips in to her mother toungue, which made it so real and imaginative.
The innocent thoughts of Louis were really awesome, I loved the snitch cake bit - excellent ideas, Val, really amazing. ;)Author's Response: Sophie, have I ever told you how much your support means to me? This much.*points back and forth from the earth to the moon*
You are awesome. Here is a Snitch cake for you.
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Oh my gosh. This was absolutely adorable. I love how you portrayed little Dominique and Louis. They seemed so cute! And I also like how you included the French bit with Fleur near the end--it made it seem more authentic and believable.
Lovely job! This is going straight in my favorites (:
Bri, xxAuthor's Response: Hi, and thank you!
This was so much fun to write, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :)
I had to include Fleur, she's my favourite to write...
Thank you again for this lovely review!
xx Report Review
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