Reading Reviews for Just Go With It
63 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Nimbus2000 Stricken

4th November 2013:
Aaah! It's so great to return and see TWO new chapters of Just Go With It! :D *screams*
Ok. Recovering from shock... :P
So this is really interesting. This was quite a twist. I don't understand what's going on. Is she mad?
I can't help laughing. This was really great! I feel they're going to develope their friendship into something else in Amy's hat able manor. :)
Lovely chapter!

Author's Response: Sam!! It was so nice to see you back to Just Go With It. =] Your reviews always make my day!
Yes, this was quite a twist. From this point, Amy and Viktor will get to know each other and then we'll see what will happen! ;)
Thanks for your endless support! :D

 Report Review

Review #27, by randomwriter Pain

24th October 2013:
Hi Ashwini!
Wait! Ashwini? :P Fellow Indian, I see. Always nice to find another one over here! :)

Anyway, I clicked on the Random Story button and ended up here. I recognized your penname from the forums and decided to read your story. It looked quite interesting!

I really like the story line you have here. There aren't many stories that concentrate on post-Hermione Krum, and it's always nice to see something new :)

I think you have great potential to develop Krum's character further. It will be interesting to see where you take it from here. At first, I was quite puzzled to see that Krum was still so hung up over Hermione, but after reading the entire chapter, his sentiment made a lot of sense. I think you could spend a couple more sentences connecting his background to his feelings for Hermione to enhance the flow :)

You were very descriptive in the beginning, but it sort of disappeared towards the end. So another thing you could do to improve the flow is add description. Talk about what Krum saw in muggle London, maybe? :)

I do have one suggestion though. You've made a few punctuation and grammatical errors. There's also another issue here, but it's not very huge. There are about three-four words that you haven't used in the right context. As I really think you might have a good story here, I would recommend reading through it again and fixing the errors :) You could also get a beta. It might work quite well. But don't be disheartened because what you've got is of a good standard and you story line is pleasant :)

I would suggest splitting up some of your paras to make them easier to read. Formatting really helps in making sure your work doesn't seem too dense or heavy!

I like where this story is going, and there is NOTHING wrong with romance and fluff! :) Good work, Ashwini! I will be back for more, and I really hope that you didn't mind the constructive criticism! :)

Oh, and your banner and CI are gorgeous! *_*

Author's Response: Ooh, a review from another fellow Indian! :D It was nice to see you here.
I began writing this story just because there aren't many stories about Viktor Krum's life. I am fascinated by his character and I love writing him. =]
I have edited the grammar errors and have split the paras but the version in currently in the queue. Thanks for suggesting though!
The credit for my lovely banner and CI goes to the amazing TDA artists. You can see their names in the summary. =]
Hope to see you back!

 Report Review

Review #28, by toomanycurls Friends

11th October 2013:
Hi!! Sorry it's taken me a few days to get to this.

The first bit of this chapter felt a bit drift-y. Once Viktor got into the Leaky Cauldron the narrative seemed to pick up pace.

I like that the barkeep didn't make a fuss about Viktor being famous - he just treated him like a regular guy. It did seem a bit out of place for Viktor to notice how attractive the bar guy is down to the color of his eyes.

Their conversation flowed well but it would be nice to get a better sense of Viktor's reaction to hearing about the increase in security or gratitude about not being fussed over.

Were there reporters just hanging out in Diagon Alley? (It sounds like you're describing Rita here). I mean, she could just be hanging out there. Why was the press following who attended Hermione and Ron's wedding? Just because they're famous? (only wondering because it seems like a bit of a gap.)

Amy's brother's sound like jerks. It kind of weirds me out that they refer to her as naughty. That means something quite different for a grown 23 year old than it would for a 10 or 11 year old. It kind of insinuates that she's not in charge of her full faculties and needs to be taken care of.

I do like how you made Viktor and Amy run into each other. She does sound a bit like a kidnapper though (just a little). What was it at the end that made Viktor think he had a friend in Amy?

I'm really glad they connected. I'm interested to see what happens next for them and how they form a deeper relationship.

Author's Response: Sorry for late response! Sometimes non-HPFF life is too hectic. =[
I just thought that the barkeep wasn't important enough to write so much about his behaviour, that's it. I'll try to do something with the detail you mentioned, if it seems out of place though.
I promise things will get cleared in the next few chapters! Just be patient and hold the questions in your mind. I love to keep suspense. ;)
Thanks for the lovely review, dear! It was really helpful.
Ashwini =]

 Report Review

Review #29, by crescent1234 Stricken

4th October 2013:
Poor Viktor! He and Amy are literally opposites of each other. But I can't imagine two stern people or two over enthusiastic people together so Amy and Viktor sound perfect together. :)
I haven't really believed yet that Amy has such a plan. So foolish.
But its making me laugh and its moving on with lovely pace and style.
Good job!

Author's Response: I know they are perfect together! :D Let's see if they ever end up together... ;)
Thanks for the lovely review and endless support! :)

 Report Review

Review #30, by toomanycurls Running Away

3rd October 2013:
Hi!! Thanks for re-requesting. ^_^

I like the description you've put into Amy. I do think that some character should be revealed over time and through action or dialogue rather than in a long prose about the person. I get that people are complex and can be naughty and innocent but when it's listed out in a sentence that kind of dichotomy seem a bit cliche. (Just a note, you do use naughty quite a bit in the first few paragraphs, it might be good to use a bit of variety). If Amy is 23, why does she need to run away from home? Is her family abusive? Why don't they know she's getting married? Does Charlie know they're getting married?

Charlie sounds like a sweet guy. I've always felt that a physical description of a person in a story should be limited and scarcely used unless it's a plot point. I'd be more interested to know how Charlie could get both of them freedom or what their first meeting was like.

Amy's escape from the house is well written. It shows that she's clever and able to execute on her plans. I could tell that she felt a bit bittersweet about leaving her family but was making a better choice for herself by leaving.

I like that the chapter ended with her being in London where Viktor is at the time. I'm interested to see how she and Viktor hook up as she's in love with someone she considers her soul mate.

Author's Response: Hi there! Your reviews are always helpful and this was really quick. =] Thanks!
Amy is my personal favorite character of my story. I find her real and unique, so it was easy writing her. I feel that her nature should not be told but shown if you know what I mean!
I know this chapter raises many questions, but I can't tell you more about Charlie right now to keep the suspense. You'll surely know what he is like and if he's a sweet guy soon. You'll learn about him when he will be a part of the story and that isn't really far! ;)
Continue reading if you're interested! I promise that they run into each other in a different and humorous way.
Thanks for the lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #31, by toomanycurls Pain

1st October 2013:
Hi there! Your request was for this fic but the link pointed to Facing the Truth - if you wanted that one instead, please put in another request. I just guessed at which you wanted. Anyway, here I go!!

I really like the description you put in about Hermione and Ron's wedding. I do think the first paragraph is a little dense and could be split into two (maybe three) just to break it out for the readers.

I can imagine Ron would be put out at Viktor's presence at their wedding. Just imagining his face is making me laugh. ^_^

It's sad to hear that Viktor is still so hung up on Hermione. It'd be interesting to see why he's still fascinated after so long and with so little contact. It's interesting that his parents don't care for him. I guess they could be a bit cold like the Malfoy family. I did think that Viktor said at Bill and Fleur's wedding that his family had been persecuted by Grindlewald (probably spelled wrong) and that they were against dark wizards after that.

Okay, I kind of love your explanation as to why Viktor is still hung up on Hermione and how she touched him in a very special way. It was really sweet and made him seem a bit less stalker-y for still loving her after so long.

His idea of time away from his life is a good gateway to the rest of the plot for the story.

I'm interested to see how you'll explore Viktor's character as the story continues. Please feel free to re-request for more!


Author's Response: Hi there!
Oh, did I do that? I'm sorry, I requested a review for this story,so no need to worry. =]
Okay, I'll get back to the first paragraph and split it soon. I agree that it does look a bit too long...
Haha, I also clearly imagined Ron's face when I pictured the whole scene in my mind while I was writing. It's so canon of him, isn't it? ;)
You'll get to know more about Viktor, his past life and the reason behind his love for Hermione in future chapters. I do have the little detail in my mind and it will appear in the story soon, so keep your eyes on that!
Will be sure to re-request.
Thanks for leaving such a lovely review, dear! It really made my day. :D

 Report Review

Review #32, by marauder5 Friends

29th September 2013:
Hi! It's been so long since I read your first two chapters, but I'm happy to be back! I really enjoyed this chapter. I found your portrayal of Viktor so good - I can definitely see him trying to avoid his fans like that, and you've done an excellent job of portraying the downside of being famous. I felt so bad for him, when he was just trying to pass through..

Again, you impress me with your well though out details, like the new security check that you have to pass through before entering Diagon Alley - that makes perfect sense! - and the fact that Knockturn Alley no longer exists. I love that!! :) I think it's these details that add a whole other depth to your story and that really draw me in to the plot.

At first, I didn't realise that It was Amy's brothers who were looking for their sister, but as soon as I made the connection, I just realised what a clever way it was to have the two of them meet. It's quite unusual to have to strangers run into each other and decide to run off together, but hey, you've set it up so well that I believe it! Loved it, and I look forward to reading some more interaction between the two of them ;)

The only thing I'd like to point out is that there were a few typos throughout this chapter. Perhaps you'd want to give it another read and fix those. Other than that, it was great! :)

Author's Response: Hi again! It was great to see your lovely review waiting for me here! =]
I'm glad you find Viktor believable. I've tried and failed to write him twice before I started Just Go With It, so I guess I know what readers find believable about him. ;) But don't feel so bad about him. His good time begins here!
Diagon Alley was severely damaged during the war and it's important so I thought the Ministry must have modified it and made it a bit more safe.
Haha, thank goodness you believed my plot! I was really scared that it was too fictionish. They are almost friends now and will come closer to each other in future chapters. :)
Well, I'll just go through the chapter and correct the typos soon.
Thanks for the wonderful review! It really made my day! :)

 Report Review

Review #33, by adluvshp Friends

5th September 2013:
Hey! AditiDraco95 here with your requested review from the forums. Apologies for the delay.

I quite enjoyed this chapter. I liked the way you've portrayed Viktor. His thoughts seem believable. The little details about the changes in the Leaky Cauldron and Diagon Alley are also quite interesting. I liked how Viktor and Amy met. Amy's brothers and the reporter were annoying though, haha. The ending of this chapter is also very intriguing, the way both become friends and walk towards the Muggle world.

The only constructive criticism I will offer you is that perhaps you should try to describe more emotions and thoughts in the narrative. For instance, when Viktor meets Amy, it would be nice to know what's going on in his head a bit more - like what he thinks of her suddenly pouncing on him like that and later on becoming friends, rather than just one-line details and all dialogues. That would definitely make for a more engaging read.

Apart from that, this story seems to be headed in a nice direction. Your characters look good, the plot is interesting, the writing style nice, and grammar pretty much okay. Good work, and keep writing. Feel free to re-request!


Author's Response: Hi there! :)
I'm glad you liked the plot and the characters. Plot is very important while writing humor so I'm happy to know it's good. =]
Yes, I agree with you. I really should describe Viktor's feelings a bit. While writing the chapter, I myself was confused what his feeling might be. So maybe now I'll think about it and edit the chapter out later.
Thanks for the lovely review! Will re-request.

 Report Review

Review #34, by StellaRose Stricken

1st September 2013:
Hello, It's Emmy with your review :)

First off, I think your characters are AMAZING! It's all in the little details you sprinkle throughout the dialogue that makes it both funny and informative for the reader.

Viktor's POV was really great, he's much more humorous than I thought he would be! For example, I think it's funny when he thinks to 'thrust a sponge into her mouth' to shut her up or when he describes Amy as 'alarmingly loud'.

Did Amy know who Viktor was? She said to him that he never told her his name but then in the next line she says his name...that kind of confused me.

I also really liked how you went into Viktor's background and personality. It wasn't too in depth but just enough to help us understand him better. I loved how you explained his self isolation by saying 'cage made by himself'.

OMG. Brilliant cliffhanger! I died laughing when I realized what was going on and when Viktor realized what was going on.

You've really set your story up nicely and I can't wait to find out what happens next! Make sure you re-request :)


Author's Response: Hey again! Thanks for the wonderful review dear, your reviews are always helpful. :)
I'm glad you laughed in the end! Humour is so difficult for me that I feel blessed... I'm more angsty person. I mean I usually write angst!
I have started the next chapter and will have it up soon. Will make sure to re-reqest!
Thanks! :D

 Report Review

Review #35, by StellaRose Friends

26th August 2013:
Hey there! I know you requested I look at the first four chapters but my limit is three. Feel free to re-request for four though!

First off, you have a great plot bunny here! I love the idea of hearing more about Krum. I've always secretly hoped he'd have his happily ever after so I look forward to see if your story makes that come true :)

Your first chapter, when you described the wedding, how Ron and Hermione looked, how they felt...was wonderful! Little James flying around was a cute touch!

For some reason, the word naughty when used to describe Amy really throws me off. Maybe use defiant instead? Either that or use a thesaurus to find some synonyms. I think once you look at different words you'll find it much easier to describe your characters!

The last thing that stuck out to me, was when Amy's brothers were talking to the reporter. If they're a pureblood family similar to the Blacks then I really don't think they would talk to a reporter about their missing sister. To them, that would be putting their family down and would also be a HUGE embarrassment to both the bride and groom's family. I would think that they wouldn't want the public to know right away. I understand why you wrote the chapter the way you did but maybe find another way to tell the reader the information? Just my two cents though, feel free to disregard!

All in all, you have a great start and I'm really interested in reading more! Feel free to request again :)


Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad you liked my plot bunny. =] I used to wonder what would've happened to Krum after GoF, so that was the inspiration behind this story. I can't tell you if this will be a happily ever after thing for that will spoil my ending, but I've tried to give Krum a new perspective.

I kinda agree with you about the reporter thing. Maybe I will try to edit and change it. First I will have to think about it though!

Thanks for the lovely review! Will certainly re-request! :D

 Report Review

Review #36, by Illuminate Pain

22nd August 2013:
Hi! Review Tag!

This is a really well written first chapter!

Unrequited love is something that everyone can relate to, and it must be really awful to see the person you love get married to someone else. I think you portray this very well, and I think it's an interesting choice to write about Krum loving Hermione, rather than Lavender loving Ron for instance. The relationship of Grum is very unexplored I think, so I applaud the decision to write about this :)

The prose was very nice and easy to read, and flowed well. I couldn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes.

Good job! ;)

Author's Response: Hi there! =]
Thanks for the applause- I do have a thing for uncommon ships and plots. I'm glad this seemed a good introductory chapter.
Viktor Krum is a misunderstood character to me. He did love Hermione though she didn't love him back, so I'm just trying to do him justice. This isn't really a Krumione story, it's actually Viktor/OC. =]
Thanks for the lovely review! Hope to see you back soon! :D


 Report Review

Review #37, by crescent124 Stricken

20th August 2013:
OMG! What on earth is that naughty girl doing?
Well, sorry for the exclamation, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Amy is going to end up in a big problem one day and I can't believe she's dragging Viktor with her! But I liked her character. She's always in her character no matter what kind of situation it is.
Loved this! Please update for me!

Author's Response: I know Amy is too careless in this chapter. It's just the way she always is! Yes, Amy's behaviour is going to end up in a serious mess but I can't tell you more about that right now.. :)
Thanks for the compliments and the lovely reviews! :D

 Report Review

Review #38, by MadiMalfoy Running Away

16th June 2013:
Hello again! :)

Just a few CC's for you on this chapter. You have some grammar/spelling issues here and there that kind of interrupt the flow of the story a little bit. An example of this is "thick mousy brown hair"; the word 'thick' contradicts 'mousy' so that's a little bit of an awkward description. Another proofreading and I think you'd get the little mistakes out no problem. :)

On the topic of description, you have quite a bit, which is a good thing! Obviously I can't say very much about your character Amy because she is your OC so she's basically off-limits. What I will say is is that I think if you take more time to describe her backstory and the exact reasoning why she's trying to run away all the time, there would be a better connection with her and understanding of the story.

Overall, a great second chapter and an introduction to a fantastic character! Feel free to re-request! :) xx

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the late response. :) Non HPFF life was extremely busy- hope you understand. =]
Well, I expected that there would be many grammar and spelling errors in this chapter. But as for your CC, I didn't know what 'mousy hair' meant. :P I just read it somewhere. I'll definitely correct that though now I know the meaning!

Thanks for the lovely review! :D

 Report Review

Review #39, by Calypso  Running Away

12th June 2013:
Hello, here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

Ooh, it was interesting to meet Amy! I like how you're showing Viktor and Amy independently first, before (I assume!) bringing them together. It's nice to learn something of them before they meet each other, and it's a good way of giving some of their backstory.

Amy seems like quite a character- I feel very sorry for her, having such a controlling family and not being allowed to make her own life decisions, it must be very tough. I would have loved to have seen her feelings towards them explored a bit more... does she resent their control? Does it stop her getting on with them normally? I also think that maybe you could try and display some of Amy's character traits as the story progresses, rather than telling us everything now. Just an idea.

I really liked your description of Amy here: "She wasn’t beautiful but she had grace and charm that made her so attractive" as it made her seem very realistic, and human. And I think that more often, it is attributes like "grace and charm" that make people attractive, rather than just their physical appearance. So well done for that!

I like Amy's carefree, rather flippant appraoch to life, and especially to marriage- it seems to fit with what else we know of her personality. The description of her escaping the house was great- you built the suspense really well- as in the first chapter, I liked the little details you put in, like about her rubber-soled shoes. It made it very vivid.
I also liked that she did have some regrets about leaving her parents. However wayward she is, I'd have found it hard to believe that she didn't feel anything for them, so that was a good addition!

Another thing I enjoyed was the note you ended this chapter on, with all Amy's hopes for the future. I'm curious as to what will happen to her and Viktor next!


Author's Response: Hey Bethany! Glad you're back for the next chap!

I wanted to explore Viktor and Amy independently just to let the readers know how different they are. I didn't plan to write Amy's backstory, but I had to state the reason of her running away. But you're right. I should edit out some part of it and put it in the future chapters. It'd be fun to explore Amy through Viktor's eyes.
I didn't use to be good at detailing, so your compliment makes me smile helplessly. =] I'm so glad my writing skills are developing!
Thanks for the wonderful review! Hope to see you back soon! :D

 Report Review

Review #40, by MadiMalfoy Pain

3rd June 2013:
Here's your review as per requested :)

Well since you don't have anything specific, I'll just cover the basics then, shall I? The idea behind this story is great--it's on an obscure character, which I love--and has a great plot line. I think with Viktor's dialogue, he should pronounce his w's with a 'v' instead because that's how it was in the books/movies so that would be more canon. Other than that, you have written him very close to canon, so great job on that!

You have a few grammar/spelling errors here and there, where you've accidentally used "her" instead of "him", etc. A quick proofreading would fix these I'm sure. But a great plot bunny, I think you'll go far with this. Be sure to re-request for your other chapters! :) xx

Author's Response: Hi! :D
Actually, many reviewers advised me to write Viktor's accent like in the books so maybe I'll give it a serious thought. I don't have the book right now and I'm not sure if he just says 'v' instead of 'w' or anything else. I'm glad he was close to canon though.
Grammar errors and typos are sort of my habit. I write the chapters hurriedly I guess. So typical me! Though I'll try my best to improve them by proofreading. I don't really have time to get every chapter beta-read. =]

Thanks for the review! You were really helpful. :D

 Report Review

Review #41, by UnluckyStar57 Pain

1st June 2013:
Hi! I'm here at last with your review!

I think that this is a pretty original story idea. I haven't seen much of Mr. Viktor Krum in fanfiction, so good for you, for blazing the trail!

I liked how you opened with different people who were NOT Krum. It really set the scene, which turned out to be super important! The description of the setting and the wedding decorations was very good.

Poor, sad Krum. He's harbored feelings for how long? And now he has to face them, and it isn't pleasant. The backstory that you put into his character was really excellent--did you invent it yourself? If so, bravo!!! It really helps to explain his attitude in the context of the story. :)

One piece of advice I have: watch your verb tense. For instance, instead of saying "had came," say "had come." That's really the only thing I caught. :)

Excellent first chapter!


Author's Response: Hi! :D
Viktor Krum isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I find him extremely interesting. He's hard to write, but I enjoy exploring his character. =] I'm glad you liked the wedding scene and the switches of point of views. I was a bit nervous about that part as I've never written a wedding before.
Krum's backstory suddenly popped into my head while writing this chapter. The idea seemed to fit into the plot and it sounded like a good reason behind Viktor's love for Hermione.
I'll go check the grammar errors soon!
Thank you very much! :D

 Report Review

Review #42, by loonylupin123 Friends

31st May 2013:
Another wonderful chapter! :D You've improved your characterization now. Viktor, Amy, Matthew, Richard and the reporter were perfect. Amy's threatening Viktor and he's saying nothing? That was a bit OOC as Viktor has a lot self respect in the books. Anyways I want to find out what happens next and I'm hoping this won't be too much fluffy. I look forward to a drama sequence and nothing too cliche. :)
Please update soon, dear! :)

Author's Response: Hi!
As I've mentioned in the prologue, Viktor is shy around strangers though he doesn't show it. Amy didn't recognize him as "Viktor Krum" so she wasn't polite with him. He was so shocked by her behaviour that he found no time to react.
A drama sequence is lined up, so don't worry. It begins in the chapter which is currently in the queue. =]
Thanks for your wonderful reviews Charlotte!

 Report Review

Review #43, by loonylupin123 Running Away

31st May 2013:
Haha, I really loved Amy! ;) She's not totally tomboy, but not a girly girl also. It looks like she's a bit careless about her life and I think people like her have to pay for it. Let's see what happens to Amy. :) Want to know where she's gonna meet our poor hero!

Author's Response: Hi again! Nice to see you back here!
I'm glad you liked Amy. You've described her very finely, I must say. =] Well, I agree that people like her have to pay for being careless, but let's see what happens to Amy because she hasn't really done anything wrong has she?
Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #44, by loonylupin123 Pain

31st May 2013:
Ashwini! :D I'm so glad you're trying your hand at Viktor Krum again. It looks like you really find him interesting. But never mind, I love reading about him too. :-) This story is exactly the opposite of What Hermione Did as I don't see any Krumione stuff in the plot. But it's good that you're sticking to canon and finding the right one for Viktor as well. =]

Author's Response: Hi there!
Viktor Krum has always made me curious. As we never really knew his background or why he liked Hermione so much, I tried to write him in What Hermione Did. His character wasn't really good in it so I thought it might be a good idea to try writing him again. You won't see any Krumione stuff around here. =]
Thank you so much! :D

 Report Review

Review #45, by marauder5 Running Away

28th May 2013:
Review tag!

Third time's the charm, eh? She finally did it! I was so exited when you succeeded. So you said that you liked writing her - I absolutely loved reading her. She seems like a very interesting character, and since you didn't give away that much about her background, I'm interested to find more about her family's pureblood values etc.

I do have one tip for you: to make the story even more interesting, you can try to show what's happening or what happened, rather than just telling it. For example, you could have showed Amy's naughty side by describing a few events that shows it, and you could have had a flashback of when Ronan proposed, or when she met Charlie. It's just a tip :)

Also, I noticed that you referred to her mother as mom. The british say mum ;) It's not that big of a deal, but it might make her sound more British.

Other than that, this was really great! I am definitely intrigued by this character and her family, and I can't wait to read more. I know that something will happen between her and Viktor, so I'm just hoping that they'll run into each other in Diagon Alley, now that Viktor is staying at the Leaky Cauldron. Interesting. This is likely to be a love story between the two of them. Amy might think she has already found her soul mate in Charlie, but my guess is that she's wrong. Charlie doesn't seem that interested in her, does he? So she needs to move on from him, and Viktor needs to move on from Hermione. Well, you've built up the start to a really good story here, so well done!

Author's Response: Hi! Nice to see you back! :)
Haha, if you're really glad she managed to escape, I must have done good with her characterization. It's hard to make someone think like that, so the sentence is like a compliment to me. I purposely haven't explored her character too much in this chapter for I think it would be fun to get to know her from Viktor's perspective. But you'll certainly find out more about her soon. =]

Yes, I had thought about writing incidents from her past to show her naughty side, but somehow I couldn't think of any. So when I'll think of a good prank I'll definitely edit. ;)

Mum? Oh I didn't know that. I thought you can call your mother anything anywhere around the world. ;) But thanks for letting me know.

Ah you're a good guesser! You've almost guessed my whole plot it seems. ;) Anyways, I can't say much about the plot right now, but it's definitely not just a love story. It has many more twists and turns for example in the 5th chapter which I'm currently writing. =]

Thanks for the lovely review! Hope to see you back here with another one! :D

 Report Review

Review #46, by marauder5 Pain

26th May 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the review tag!

This was a very good start! I'm not sure where it will lead, though - Hermione and Ron are one of my OTPs, and so I hope you won't split them up and have Hermione run off with Krum. Well, anyway, about this chapter:

I loved the descriptions of the Burrow in the beginning. The thing that stood out for me was George's flowers, and Mrs Weasley's suspicions towards them. Although, I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed that they didn't explode and covered everyone in something sticky and messy, haha! (Of course, Mrs Weasley would probably never have forgiven George. But it would have been funny!)

I liked the little details you put into it: like the fact that table legs had to be quite tall to keep the cake safe from James. However, just wondering: you made it sound like he was the only child there. Surely that's not the case, right?

It was definitely interesting hear about Krum's back story, since we basically don't know anything at all about him from the books! I liked how his father didn't want him to play Quidditch, and how Hermione stood out in the crowd of girls, because she liked Viktor, and not Viktor Krum, famous Quidditch player. I think it would sound more authentic, or like Krum in the book, if you wrote him with his accent, the way J.K. Rowling does, but that's just a suggestion. Just to keep his voice true to his character from the books, if that makes any sense.

Hm, it definitely seems like he wants to win Hermione back. Why else would he stay in London?? Also, the part about Hermione giving him the love and warmth he had never received form his parents... that was perfect! It definitely explains why he's still hung up on her, so it makes perfect sense.

All in all, this was really great! Your descriptions, especially, stood out, and I'll probably come back and check out the next chapter some time ;)

Author's Response: Hello! :)
Don't worry, I'm not going to split Ron and Hermione. I love the pair too! Rest of the story is mainly focused on Viktor and my OC. I advise you to read the story summary before guessing the plot. ;)
The wedding scene is just for a nice beginning. I wanted all the characters to be canon, so I put some details in. We cannot tell what happened to the flowers after Viktor left, so they may have exploded or they may not have! James must be the youngest amongst the Weasley grandchildren don't you think so? George is much older than Ginny so his kids would be older than James I think. :)
I always thought Krum had an interesting back story, though Rowling never told us much about him. Krum's accent is hard to write and I thought it might spoil my story so I didn't put that in. But I'm glad you liked the reason of Krum's love for Hermione.
No, no. Viktor isn't the kind of guy who'd do anything to win his love back. That poor guy is planning to get money from Gringotts and spend some quite time in London.
I hope to see you back soon! Thank you for leaving the wonderful review! :D

 Report Review

Review #47, by crescent124 Friends

25th May 2013:
Just read all the chapters in a go. It looks like you're not a native English speaker but you're talented and your story reflects it. You're good at characterization. I loved both Viktor and Amy! Viktor fits perfectly in canon though I thought he was a bit shallow too. Otherwise you've captured the sulky behaviour perfectly. I knew he had a back story though and I think amy has one too. Something in her past has made her so tough.

Author's Response: Your review really made my day! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much. :)
You're right, I'm not a native English speaker and my English is a bit weak. Characterization used to be a hard thing for me, but I can't tell you how much I have fun to write both Viktor and Amy. :) I thought shallow Viktor wouldn't fit in my storyline, but I kept the sulky behaviour. Amy certainly has a back story and it'll be revealed later on. :)
Thanks for taking time to leave a review! :D

 Report Review

Review #48, by pink shoes Friends

25th May 2013:
As I've already told you, I'm in love with Amy! She was so tough and confident in this chapter. Viktor really needs to get some tips from her. He could've had Hermione now if he was like Amy.

Author's Response: I'm in love with Amy too! She's always tough and confident, I know. That makes her more desirable. Haha, I know that Viktor should learn a few things from Amy, but I'm not sure if I would've liked Viktor and Hermione as a couple.
Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #49, by Nimbus2000 Friends

25th May 2013:
This is going to be my longest review for this was your longest chapter you know. ;) I have a lot to say so let me start commenting before I reach the maximum number of characters.

Starting this chapter with details about the changes in Diagon Alley was a great idea. It showed how much time has passed and how everything has changed. I wonder how the entrance is still from The Leaky Cauldron. Tom's grandson is not as good as him, is he? He seems to be too much different. But the description of the new version of Leaky Cauldron was wonderful. I assume it has something to do with the plot. The security system was very very believable. The Ministry must have been overprotective about the dark arts after the war. But you wrote "bust stop" instead of "bus stop" in the first sentence. :)

The way Viktor's fans surrounded him was very realistic as well as funny. However I thought the fans could spot him earlier. He was more than a sensation according to J.K.Rowling. Anyways your own descriptions are pretty nice too. The reporter was so much like Reeta Skeeter that I almost believe she was her sister or something. (Yeah, she couldn't possibly have a daughter who is "middle aged reporter" :P) The way Matthew and Richard distracted her was funny.

Matthew and Richard seem to be headcases. They talked to the reporter instead of looking for their missing sister. Amy is much better than any of them, thanks to you. She knew that she could sneak in the bank easily as the goblins never poke their noses here and there.

The destruction of Knockturn Alley was far too believable. It's a real nice way to run away. Like I said, Amy is a scholar. Now I want to see how she's gonna "make Viktor Krum talk". ;)

Let me keep looking for the next update!!

Sam (with the longest review he's written)

Author's Response: Sam! Your reviews always make my day! :)
It was natural. The world changes in 10-12 years so I just tried to fill the space of time. Tom's grandson is different from him, but that doesn't mean that he's not good, does it? :) He is good and he'll be back in the story soon.
Did I really write bust? *blushes* Oh thanks for letting me know! :)
The reporter was certainly inspired from Reeta Skeeter. Nice guess!
Matthew and Richards are the biggest fools in the world. They shouldn't have wasted their time talking to the reporter but if they hadn't, Amy would've been caught. So let's say that their behaviour was helpful for our plot.
Updates coming your way! :D
Thanks for the longest review! :D

 Report Review

Review #50, by patronus_charm Pain

22nd May 2013:

I really liked the wedding scene it was really sweet and fluffy. I liked seeing it from James’ perspective as I’ve never seen that done before, but it was really lovely. You really caught a one year olds mind set, the only thing which felt a bit off was the fact that he could ask complex questions like the one he did, as I would have a one year old could only say things like ‘mama’ or whatever.

I really liked the idea of Krum turning up, and it didn’t feel clichéd at all. It was really interesting to see that he still cared for Hermione and was hurt that she was getting married. I liked Ginny’s thoughts too and it was fun perspective to read, as I’ve never actually read about Ron and Hermione’s wedding but that was lovely.

I have a couple of CCs you were telling a little more than showing in this chapter. Like here ‘to his disappointment he saw Viktor Krum standing in front of them’ you could describe his disappointment through facial expression or posture to make it a little more real. Also in some parts you paragraphs were a little on the longer side and it might be better if you shortened them.

That was a really great chapter, and I enjoyed it a lot. The CCs are only really minor things so you shouldn’t worry too much about them!


Author's Response: Hello Kiana! I'm so glad you liked the wedding scene. :) I rewrote it 3-4 times at least, for I wasn't satisfied with James' perspective. You're kind of right about his age and his thoughts so maybe I'll make him a bit older. :)
Viktor Krum is really hard to write. I was afraid my story was going to be a bit cliche but your review has given me relief, seriously. :) I know the paragraphs are longer... I'll try my best to edit and improve my chapter.
Thanks for the lovely review! The CCs were really helpful. :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>