Reading Reviews for Casualties of War
30 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ChaosWednesday Casualties of War

30th January 2013:
Hey!I saw the link in the formus and you got me intrigued, so I decided to come by and have a look for myself :)

When I started reading the Lily part, I got quite excited. You see, I wrote a very similar one-shot recently (only focusing on Lily, though). It's rare to read about her not in connection to James (or being a mother) and I'm glad you left him out of her story!

You seemed nervous about the style, but i think it's great and offers many new opportunities! First of all, addressing the reader directly involves them whether they want to be or not! It contributes to the immediacy of what is being told and increases the emotional impact. I think it was a great choice for a story such as this.

One thing that you might want to look out for in such a direct address of the reader is that you must explain (or hint at) who is doing the telling, and why. I believe, if done right, it could even add to the sadness of the presentation. The narrator clearly knew the marauders and lily very well! Adding some more obvious "unreliable narrator" moments would have made for an even more enticing read. We would realize that this is someone trying to convince themselves of the good memories as a way of dealing with grief, which can be a very moving thing to whitness. You did this at the beginning of the Sirius bit and it was great! I would have liked to see more.

When you admitted that the loss of Sirius was somehow more difficult to deal with than the ones that were mentioned before, it not only added some subjectivity, but also created something akin to a narrative development, or structure that tied together the bits and explained that there is a reason for their order. I also liked how you left peter for last. I was happy to see some redemption for him! In fact, I dare say I would have enjoyed seeing more of his part, with less excuses and more reality. Shock the reader, you know? It's just my preference, but if you ignored the general consensus of peter being the devil's spawn and just mentioned the good memories from a time when he was young and innocent, I think the impact would have been stronger. And it would have ended the story with a bang ;)

Also,I think my favourite part was the one about James. I just loved this: "Have you ever noticed how the sun looks right when itís about to rise? When itís still surrounded by ashy clouds, and barely poking up over the hill? Well, thatís Jamesís smile. A sudden burst of color thatís able to shine, even through a layer of darkness." It's very close to cheesy, but, well, I found that it wasn't somehow? Instead, it seemed just about right, with a nice blend of melodrama and honesty in it.

Well,I hope I could offer you some useful advice! I really did enjoy reading this story :)


Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy you liked the style of this. This is going to sound odd, and I really did try and pick a narrator to tell the second person PoV from... but I just couldn't. haha. I wanted to be the narrator, if that makes sense. So I figured I'd do the whole 'great narrator in the sky' type of thing. Which I may end up regretting, but it felt so good talking about these characters through *me* and no one else. I thought about doing second person attached to the actual characters of the sections, but that just didn't feel like what I wanted. I swear, when my marauder sads take over I don't know what I'm doing half the time :P

I like your ideas regarding Peter, I'll definitely have to think about that!

Hahah I wondered if that part about James would be cheesy. But I think I feel like you did. It was and it wasn't. Maybe we feel like that because James himself is sort of cheesy, so it just fit him?

Thank you so much for your awesome opinions and compliments on this one shot ♥ I hope I didn't sound like I was brushing your suggestion as having an actual narrator off, I just... I don't know. This feels too personal to want anyone else getting to narrate it except for me, if that makes sense.

Thanks again, m'dear ♥

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Review #27, by Aphoride Casualties of War

30th January 2013:
Oh wow! When you said it was different, you really meant it, didn't you? And really not in a bad way - this is like nothing I've ever read before, I have to say. The style is just incredible. I love how you've done it in different sections with one for each Marauder (and honourary Marauder, I suppose). It really divides them up and shows them all individually, you know? As their own people, not just as 'the Marauders' or 'Lily-and-James', which I really like. Sometimes you see so many people lumping them altogether as one big group.

I love how you've written it as well, with the unnamed narrator talking directly to the reader. It gives such a sense of personal loss, you know? The idea that there were people who survived who knew them - not necessarily intimately - but they knew them and their deaths and losses affected them. They weren't in a little bubble with just themselves inside. Also, it really made you able to explore them through someone else's eyes, which is generally unusual in a one-shot. Often it's the character talking directly about something, you know, and it's just such an interesting dimension and way to look at it.

Gah, it's so sad! I definitely agree that the Marauders' Era is so upsetting and angsty - we know it's never going to be all right in the end and it just makes it so much worse to read about them all being happy/loved up/etc. because it's not going to last and for once it isn't me being cynical, lol.

I have to say, two last things on characterisation (which I really, really loved - I think you nailed each one of them pretty perfectly) is that I loved how you left Peter for last, and how you didn't talk about too much about their relationships with the others in them, instead focusing on them and them alone. Peter being last was right, I think, and not because he's the least popular one, but because his story was, in a way, I think, sadder than the rest of them. He had everything - friends, happiness, 'glory' (if you consider fighting in a just war glorious), popularity, fun - and he just... threw it all away, destroyed his friends in the process and ended up enslaved to a man he feared, hated and admired in equal measure.

But no, I love them all. They're all tragic in their own, unique way, and you just brought them all and the reality of what war takes away (people rather than things and statistics) from us to life.

Not sure what else to say... style was fabulous, characterisation was flawless... there's not a thing I can find I didn't like, anything which read a bit clumsily or any typos... how do you do it?

Also, I remember reading the first chapters of Before They Fall a while back and when reading this I couldn't help but think just how much you've improved since then. Honestly, this is spectacular.

Loved it.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hahah yes, when I said different I really meant it. I'm so happy thought that, despite it being different, you still liked it. I just felt like I needed to talk about them all. If that makes sense. I didn't want to create a story just then. I just wanted to miss them and make everyone else understand how much I miss them, haha.

I wasn't sure about then unnamed narrator. I'm so happy you liked that, and I know there will be others that don't.. but I wanted the narrator to be *me* if that makes sense. Haha, sounds a bit selfish, doesn't it?

Peter and I had some real issues when I started working on Before They Fall. I finally created something in my head, a reason on why he did what he did (which I won't say in case you ever decide to get back into BTF) and that made it a bit better. Now I can focus on the young man he used to be. This loving friend who just enjoyed being part of it all, who knew he was cared about and knew he cared about them as well. Like you said, he had everything. Whatever demands he was facing that drug in to the point of betrayal ruined a lot of innocent lives, and that's something I think haunted him forever.

I'm so sorry you had to read Before They Fall before I actually got back into writing. I promise, if you ever do decide to venture back in, the first four or five chapters have been almost entirely rewritten and it won't scare you away again :P. You saying that I've improved is one of the best compliments I can get, thank you so much ♥

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Review #28, by Cleopatraa Casualties of War

30th January 2013:
I find the idea you have here unique. I mean I have seen stories where authors speak directly to the readers but this is really unique. To me atleast. I havenít seen anything like it yet. I like the fact you gave every one of them their own piece and their pieces were fitting. But for some reason I wasnít fond of Lilyís piece. I mean you didnít make her perfect or anything, but I liked her piece the least. No idea why. Perhaps it wasnít really my thing. Anyway I wanted to say I liked the fact you gave them all faults and virtues, as a lot of people have to tendency to portray the death ( even in literature) different. I noticed a steady line in this story. Each story became better and better in my opinion. Peter had my favourite piece followed by Sirius , which was quite strange because I have no fondness for him. I liked the fact that you mentioned that he was a marauder and the parts about the true Peter.

So anyway I liked this one-shot. I would not wish to read a novel in this style of writing though. But for this one-shot and topic it was really fitting. You truly did make it work and I want to applaud you for that because it must be extremely difficult to do so. I would never be able to get such a result ( if a result at al haha).

Author's Response: Hi m'dear! I'm so happy this felt unique to you. I just... I have these moments when I think about it and i get so sad. And I know it's silly because they aren't real and they never were but it doesn't feel like that. I guess I just wanted to tell everyone else what I was feeling, and make them feel as sad as I did, hahah.

Maybe Lily's was too much on the descriptive side? Hers has the most imagery, and sometimes that can get sort of annoying. If you ever figure out just what you didn't like about it, I'd love to know so I can figure out if it's something I don't like either!

Peters piece felt the best to write. He doesn't get his chance often and he's ignored too much. But he *was* one of them, and him and myself have made our own bit of peace with what he did. I'm so happy you liked his section ♥

I don't think I would ever want to read a novel in this style either. It would be exhausting, wouldn't it?

Thank you so much for this wonderful review ♥

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Review #29, by CambAngst Casualties of War

30th January 2013:
Jami, dear, this was beautiful. I have to warn you right away that I probably won't have as much to say about it as I usually do. This isn't the kind of story where you pull quote and gush about them. It isn't the sort where I can compliment you on your brilliant characterization and plot development. It's a story about five stories that have already been told. A lone narrator just trying to help the reader make sense of it all. That's the real beauty of it, at least for me.

I loved the voice you gave to Lily's laugh. She really is like a summer day in her warmth and vivaciousness. But you didn't canonize her either. You didn't canonize any of them. Each one came with their own flaws and weaknesses. Things that made them complete.

James, with his magnetic personality and roguish nature, was immediately recognizable from BTF. I liked the streak of broody darkness you gave him, though. I guess that's where Harry gets it.

Poor Remus. You did a beautiful job of capturing his tortured nature. His fear and loathing of the part of himself that he was never able to fully come to terms with. But at the same time, you found the happy aspects of his life. The warm, funny, loving parts. And the ultimate tragedy of a life ended just as its next, happiest phase was about to begin.

Your depiction of Sirius was masterful, I thought. Such a tormented soul. So many terrible things he was forced to live through in order to enjoy his moments of joy. The mood swings and mercurial nature you gave him rang perfectly true. And the horrible years in Azkaban definitely made their mark.

Last but not least, there's Peter. I (grudgingly) must admit that you're absolutely right. There was a time in his life where he was innocent and young and happy. Where he was a part of one of the most prolific foursomes that Hogwarts ever knew. Where it all went wrong, who really knows? But it did go wrong, and I'd like to think that he hated himself until his last breath for letting it happen.

OK, maybe this wound up being a bit longer than I thought it would be. Just to maintain a bit of balance, I noticed a couple of typos that need your loving attention:

And one day, when that child wants to know about his father, when he needs some sort of remind of how much he was loved.. - reminder

Heíd tell you not to worry, because _ _ _ just happen. happens

I hope that you're able to shake off the sad Marauder feels soon, but the outcome was truly lovely!

Author's Response: Dan! Having to make two of your amazing review disappear from my unanswered in one day is torture. But I know if I don't get it done now I'll chicken out and stare at it's gorgeousness for a few more days. ah.

That's so much of what I felt while I was writing them. I just wanted to talk about the five of them, all separately, all on their own. I felt like I was sitting in a cafe with someone across from the that said, 'so what can you tell me about Lily? What about the Marauders?' it took all my self control not to add Alice and Frank in, but I had to remember that them being part of it all is in *my* head... not everyone else's :P

I definitely think the brooding nature comes from James. You know Lily... she doesn't really brood. She thinks constantly, and she worries, and if she does brood she hides it too well for anyone but her to see. But I see James as getting himself so exhausted from trying to keep everything okay, that he just crashes. And that's when the amazing friends come in and gah. the sad feels are going to get me again.

Remus was the hardest for me... maybe because there was so much to his life that I wanted to give him enough without giving him too much.

Sirius. My poor, poor Sirius. I just really don't like JKR anytime I have to remember how unnecessary I feel like his death was ;(. Will you get me Sirius for Christmas? PLEASE?

I really, really hope he hated himself, too. Peter that is, not Sirius. He was too destroyed to ever change what he did. I think slowly by slowly as his years as a rat he just because a hardened thing, then when he had to flee and he found Voldemort, he just wanted protection. But I hope so much with those last moments of his life, he remembered everything he once had and he hated himself so much for destroyed those people he loved so much.

Thank you so much for your amazing review, m'dear ♥

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Review #30, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Casualties of War

30th January 2013:
Whoa. Like... Yeah, whoa.

Okay, so, wow. I just loved the descriptions of each person, giving them their own little section, so the reader could focus on the awesomeness that is each of them, even Peter, who was one of them. It was just so sad and lovely and I want to smile because it's like having the best memories of them, then cry because they had to die for us to remember that best memories.

I spotted a couple of errors ("Heíd spiral out of on control" having the 'on' there didn't sound right), but I didn't see anything big, so maybe just another read over. Over than that, I loved everything about this, even the unusual style, I don't think I've ever read anything like this. :)

Amazing job!


Author's Response: Ahh that's exactly how I feel about you get these awesome memories of them but it's still so sad because they're all taken from us and gah :(

I'm so happy you like it, m'dear, and thank you so much for pointing out the error! It's been edited. This is what happens when I just post without letting my beta look over :P Typos galore!

I was so worried about the style, so I'm really thrilled that you liked it.

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