Durmstrang! Ooh, he needs to be hit with a killing curse and fed to the squid. I love how disturbing -- and disturbed -- you made him in this first scene. Somewhere in the course of his punishment, he obviously cracked. Best I can recall, the Dark Lord wanted Lily alive, at least for the time being. I'll take a small measure of comfort in knowing that even if he succeeded -- he won't, right? Right? RIGHT??? -- he'd have a world of hurt waiting for him when Voldemort found out what he'd done.
On to happier topics. So Frank and Alice are getting a nice little house in the 'burbs with a white picket fence and a dog and maybe a little garden out back? I don't know why, but I sort of feel like mocking the two of them. I have this odd comparison running through my head of the stretch of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall and Lilly move out to Long Island. It's probably because that's more fun to think about than what ultimately happens in Frank and Alice's house. :(
I loved Frank's little trick for figuring out whether Alice would agree to move in with him. That felt so much like Frank. You've done a great job of defining him over the past few chapters. He's obviously grown up a lot during his years of school, but there's still a lot of insecurity on the inside. I can plainly see where Neville gets a lot of his personality traits.
"If zere is any'zing close to a love letter in your rucksack," Belle began, a clear warning in her voice, "it had better be for me..." -- This cracks me up. He wub her. Sirius Black would not put up with this from anyone else.
I have to join your other reviewers in thinking that it would have been neat to see Alice, Belle and Lily live together for a while. You throw Frank, Sirius, James, Peter and Remus in the same apartment building and you sort of have Friends plus a werewolf and an evil, back-stabbing rat. Somebody should pitch that to NBC. But I like the way that Frank and Alice's life transition continues to pull James and Lily toward one another, even in ways that are a bit uncomfortable at times.
Lily still has that ferocious independent streak, which really keeps things interesting. It's a great tool to keep your story from ever sliding into situations that feel "too easy" as far as these young people making their way in the world. Some things are supposed to be difficult, like striking out on your own.
You also did a really good job, I thought, with the inner conflict that each of the characters seem to feel between helping with the war effort and moving on with a more "normal" life. Belle's bookstore is starting to haunt me, because I'm pretty sure that she's not meant to survive the war. It seems like a place where she would find a lot of peace. You even gave poor Peter a glimpse at a quasi-productive livelihood that he would probably enjoy. And I like that Lily stopped to ponder poor Remus's fate for a moment. Such a sad waste of potential...
Wow, so Durmstrang managed to force McGonagall's writing and everything. I'd be impressed if I wasn't so mad at him.
A rush of excitement washed through her when the portrait allowed her access. -- I have to say, I felt a little thrill there, myself.
Gah, Jami!!! You've led both of them into prefect traps! How could you do such an awful thing? And then make us all wait a week to find out what happens. Mean, mean, mean!!!
Seriously, though, awesome chapter. I think you made the right decision breaking this one up. Everyone will be on the edge of their seats until the weekend!Author's Response: Alrek might make a tasty giant squid treat! As you know, I was planning on going a different way with him... but an ocean creature's meal could really be the best option :P
I don't think, when I started this, I really thought about making one of them the less secure one and one of them the more comfortable one. And if i would have thought about it, I'd have made Alice the less secure because she wasn't really given the same sort of parental attention that Frank was. But I'm really happy it ended up going this way because these two sort of just ended up defining themselves. It's fun to think of Frank with his confident exterior but a shaky sort of self confidence. And thinking about what Neville would have been like if these two could have raised him just makes me want to curl up and pout :(.
Sirius totally wub her. Poor dog knows he has no chance.
Friends and HIMYM references both in one review! You have good TV show taste. I actually did think about that for a while, but I think Alice and Frank are in a more definite part of their lives. They know what they're doing next, that they're doing it together, and that together is pretty much the only option for them. But really, having those three live together would have been so much fun. Alice would constantly have to remind Belle to pick up the bathroom, and I can imagine a lot of nights would have been spent with these three staying up too late over a bottle of wine.
You know how much I think there needs to be a balance between these being good people who want to help, and still being human beings that want to live their own life. JKR sort of put marauders era writers in a bad situation by saying James and Lily just worked for the Order, because how could you really spend all day everyday just working for the Order? I do have something that they'll be doing non order related, but they don't know that yet so they still have to make their own plans for the future. Ummm did that make any sense? haha
Hahah I am NOT mean! I'm a nice girl!! And besides, it's not like *you* have to wait to know anything :P
Thank you as always for your awesome support and mad betaz skillz :P. I'm so happy that you're still sticking with this! Not that I'd give you much of a choice... :P
Actually, I was kind of hoping they would catch a break! Really! We need more smooshy romance!
I loved everything about this chapter! You have these two girls, Lily on one side and Violet on the next, battling over James' affections and the way in which you write them, as complete opposites, is very lovely! Though I'm not a big fan of Violet's, her comments made me laugh.
If you look at Belle from her POV, we all have that one girl who is just too perfect for words and we hate her and want her to be fat. Well, not really hate her, but want her to be fat. I know I do.
Alrek and Violet is a recipe for disaster and I can feel the heartache coming on. It's so sad to see that in the middle of the war and death and destruction there are still girls who want to be the most popular girls in school. It gives me a kind of Gossip Girl vibe (you need to watch that show).
And to get mushy with you, you are such an amazing talented writer, regardless of what anybody says and you created this beautiful story with such amazing characters, you can't not love it! So thank you for that!Author's Response: Ralll! Hi!
You will eventually get your smooshy romance, promise! haha!
I love what you said about looking at Belle through Violet's prospective. I thought the same thing. We know she's lovely and nice and isn't perfect, but oh my gosh to another girl who doesn't know her? Can you imagine some gorgeous transfer coming to your school and getting one of the most popular boy wrapped around her finger? I think I'd half hate her too :P
I really wanted to show that even with everything going on, there is still the normal teenage crap to worry about. I've heard so much about Gossip Girl! I'm obviously missing out!!
Awww Ral! Now you're making me all feelsy and I just want to hug you! thank you so much for all your sweet words, and keeping me sane during my insanely tired Monday morning ;)!
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If I miss the next couple of Saturdays itís due to all my exams happening the next week and the one after that, but Iíll probably get bored and come on here anyway :P
What is this line ĎHe would surprise the Lord with Lily Evansís deathí my jaw literally dropped when I saw it, Iím not even kidding. He canít kill her, ok I know he canít but the fact heís planning it is horrible. Alrek is Voldemort 2.0 in the making. Then this line ĎThe Mudblood would be dead by tomorrow morningí he doesnít even seem sorry about it and he tried to be friends with her in the beginning. Gah I hate him so much.
Thank goodness for the Alice/Frank fluff to brighten my mood as I was close to doing something dangerous to let me angry out about Alrek then. I think itís so cute that they might move in together and I wasnít even bothered that she was snooping. The irony of Lilyís thought though ĎDid people really buy houses this young?í I couldnít help but laugh as she got married and had a child really young too and she doesnít know it yet. Iíve seen lots of reasons as to why they decided to get married young and Iím intrigued to see yours.
Iím actually disappointed that Alice, Belle and Lily arenít moving in together. Now you mentioned the idea Iíve fallen in love with it. It would be as if the three witches were taking on the world together. Surprisingly, Iíve never seen a story where the Marauders all move in together and I canít wait to see what trouble they cause. I guess I get part of my dream with Belle and Lily moving in together, but I wonder what will happen to theirs and Aliceís friendship as this is obviously going to cause a bit of a shift in it.
Itís really sad that Iím envious of Peterís job. Iíve always loved history and if itís history and magic combined it must be brilliant. I honestly donít see why people complain about History of Magic it would probably be one of my favourite classes at Hogwarts :P
I have to give Alrek some credit as that plan was pretty ingenious given how easily the others all fell for it. I really liked the short snippet with James and Violet and how you just left it with them being alone together and itís up to my imagination to figure out what happened next. How could you leave it like that? Who cares about eleven thousand word chapters, this anxiety about what heís going to do to her is horrible. At least the one comfort I have is that he canít kill her as thatís not canon ;)
Another amazing chapter, Jami! Now youíve left me on this cliff-hanger Iíll probably be here for the next :D
-KianaAuthor's Response: Hi Kiana ♥ I'm so excited for your exams to be over so you can get a break!! You deserve one, that's for sure.
Alrek is definitely a sneaky thing. He put on a good act in the start, trying to be friends to spy on the group, but now he's sort of unraveling.
Oh my gosh I didn't even realize how ironic that is! Wow! Good spotting, and now you've given me lots of Lily James feels! Haha! Something that has always made me really sad is when people having them get married because of the war stuff and it just basically being a, 'okay lets do it' thing and not because they just love each other so much. So I can definitely tell you it won't be the 'scared of the war' type of deal ;).
I absolutely agree about it causing a shift in Alice's relationship with the girls. They're so lucky they have magic so they can pop over much easier than us having to get in the car and drive, or take a train or bus!
Hahaha awww I'm happy that you connected with Peter's job! Some types of history I really enjoy learning about, then others just put me to sleep :P. WWII and Native American History are two of my favorites.
Hahahah I'm sorry for leaving it like that!! It was just SO LONG otherwise! The only reason I didn't feel quite so bad is, like you said, we know she can't actually die yet. A little suspense is good for the heart, right?:P
Well the next chapter will always be waiting for you, so don't stress if you get busy with exams!
I hope this response made sense. I'm half dead from exhaustion today, but your reviews are always so amazing that I can't help responding asap!
Thank you so much, Kiana ♥
Hi Jami! Sorry that it's taken me so long to get back to this story, but this is the first moment I've had to leave a review!
You know, it's so long since I read a James/Lily story and I'm really excited about this one. It's so easy to use cliches in a story like this one and I can already tell that you're not going to go along with them all, and that makes me so happy!
One of the first things I noticed was the way that you've mentioned is the 'darkness' that is beginning to become more prevalent in their world. It's like Voldemort isn't real to them at this point, more of an evil presence they're aware of than a proper enemy. James seems to be more understanding of the danger than Lily, but I'm guessing that her parents have been victims of Voldemort, and so when she finds that out her opinions may change.
Goodness, Lily! I love your characterisation of her in this chapter. She's experienced such a tragedy and it's completely believable that she's still suffering from it. Her heart did a little leap in her chest! But of course she's trying to ignore it, because she feels incredibly guilty at enjoying anything when she thinks she should still be grieving, so she's going to deny any semblance of romantic feelings towards James. Of course, I'm sure her parents would want her to try and move on and enjoy her life, but that's much easier said than done. It does seem like she's making some progress, though, because at least she's feeling something, rather than being completely numb.
I'm so pleased that there was an actual reason for James and Lily becoming Head Boy and Girl, especially since James wasn't a prefect beforehand.
The shared dorms...I've surprised myself by actually liking them here. I know that in a lot of private schools the Heads do have their own separate dorms but they're used all too often for "anything inappropriate occurring in the room of the opposite sex" (love that line by the way!). But you've included some things that make me fairly sure you're not going to go along those lines, so I like them. I'm quite jealous of them, actually...I could definitely do with a wardrobe that folded my clothes up for me! The idea of giving a secret to obtain entry to the dorm is really interesting. We get to know some little things about the pair of them (and presumably, they get to learn more about each other) but I have the feeling that there's also another reason behind it, and I'm intrigued to see what that is.
The argument made me a bit sad, but I imagine these two are going to be arguing in the future as well. It was very believable, though, and after all 'the course of true love never did run smooth'. And the revelation Lily had about her parents was so sweet and touching!
It was great how James ran to his friends as soon as he'd argued with Lily, because I always think that his friendship with the Marauders is one of the most important parts of who he is. I liked the fact that they didn't agree with him straight away, and Remus sounded exactly like him.
Also, thank you so much for Peter and Sirius! I love the fact that Sirius isn't a womaniser here because that happens in so many stories, and Peter actually says things that the others don't laugh at him for! I want to give you a hug for that right now!
But they made up in the end. It was really cute that they agreed to be friends again at the end of this chapter. Obviously, they've both got a long way to go and a lot of growing up, changing and realising to do, but it's a start!
I'll be back soon (and it won't be as long as last time, I promise) to read on!
Sian :)Author's Response: Oh my gosh look at this review! Okay, it's getting copied into its own document so I can answer it properly :)
There we go!
And pleased don't feel bad if it ever takes a while! And seriously DO NOT feel compelled to review each chapter! I won't be sad at all if you just want to go ahead and read won't reviewing each one.
I will admit there are a few cliches, but only in these first four chapters ;). I do try and make them realistic though, so hopefully that helps.
I won't tell you just what happened on he car accident night, cause there is still a lot of secrets about that, but I can tell you that Voldemort doesn't actually tie into it. I thought about that, but it felt too easy.
And yes! I'm so happy you mentioned that about it all not really seeming real to them yet. That's absolutely what I wanted to give the impression of. We do start seeing a few things from the DE's perspective in chapter 5, so I hope you like that!!!
Keeping a realistic balance between all the pain she went through and making it clear that she does *have* to move on was something I really worked on and still worry about, so I'm really happy that it feels realistic to you ♥
Yes, I pinky promise, the Heads' Quarters are not there as an easy way to get James and Lily together. They sort of become like a club house for the gang, but then play a really important part not romance related at the end :P. Thank you for giving them a chance. I know it's not easy too after all the cliches polluting L&J!
I think Lily was absolutely a bit more sensitive at the start of this, making her a little more defensive. I've never been a fan of the hate to love sort of thing people sometimes do, so we actually sort of see them as good friends before we take the next step. And I'm really excited that you liked James running to his friends! He's such a little boy :P!!
I really agree, btw, about his friendship with the boys being one of the most important part of who he is.
Womaniser Sirius drives me crazy. He can be attractive and a flirt without being a playboy. I'm a flirt, and I'm not a playgirl! :P I also think Sirius has a lot more respect for people than to just use them. And Peter! I actually really like Peter. I've twisted and turned and built a head canon and circumstances around what Peter does to sort of get myself to accept it. Obviously those details won't come out for sometime, but I ended up with something I can accept and a Peter I really enjoy. So that's good, right?! Sorry about that tangent.. my brain is a little crazy this morning :P
I'm so happy you liked this chapter, and I can't even tell you how much it means that you're getting involved in such a long story! I know I've mentioned that before, but I'm probably going to keep saying it :P. Thank you Sian for another truly awesome review ♥
Oh no.this isn't good. Those letters weren't really from McGonagall! Why can't we push people off of towers? It's so much fun! Hahahahaha! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)Author's Response: HAHAHAH Well, I guess we *could* push them off the tower, but I think you might like what happens in the next chapter better ;). At the end of that, if you still want us to push Alrek off one, we totally can :P.
I'm so happy you liked this chapter! Thank you for another amazing review ♥
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You can't leave it like that for long. I'm eager to find out what happens. I assume that James will get suspicious and force violet to tell him what is going on or maybe Violet will let slip that something is going on between Lily and Alrek; hopefully he can get to Lily in time. I loved seeing all them having fun together and planning such positive futures. Can't wait for more.Author's Response: No, I definitely won't leave it like that for long. Just until Saturday ;)!!
Your assumption might be very, very accurate :P. I think you'll really like the details of the next chapter!
I had a lot of fun with writing them planning their futures. Especially showing that they did have futures to plan.
Thank you so much for this awesome review, and I hope you like the next chapter ♥
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OMG when are you next updating? This story is amazing, I have it bookmarked and check it basically every day. I can't wait to see what happens! Such an amazing story :)Author's Response: Hi Zoe! Wow, thank you! I'm so happy that you're enjoying this story!
I update every Saturday :)! Usually before 11:00 AM EST (GMT - 5).
I'm so exciting that you like this story, and really grateful for that you took the time to leave a review! Thank you!
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This chapter is so awesome! I love the bitterness of Alrek in the first paragraph, you describe his angsty thoughts so well, and it really made me shudder at his character. He's such a selfish horrible character, and I think the way he thinks about hurting Lily all the time really adds an ominous tone to the story. It certainly made me shudder!
I was completely absorbed in it, as usual, and I love the different plans for each character. Thinking of it, I really agree that Belle would be perfect in a book shop! That's such an original idea! I like the way Lily can detect the shadow in Peter, that added a slightly darker side, and it's terrible the way Lupin won't have as high a chance as the others at employment - even though he's one of the most clever. It's so cute the way the boys all want to move in together! I can't wait to see what it'll be like when they're older.
The penultimate paragraph really had me going - I can't believe you finished it there - and I half knew already that something was up to do with Violet and Alrek.
The sweet start of the last paragraph totally threw me. I was not prepared for it to be Alrek, you built up the suspense amazingly as always, and my heart was beating so fast! The way his eyes are 'half crazed' had me terrified, and the last line is so creepy.
The characters get more and more real each chapter, and I love your unique personification of each one individually! I can't WAIT till the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Hiii! I'm so happy you liked Alrek's less... comforting start of this chapter ;). He's a lot of fun to play with. I think because he does feel so detached from reality.
I spent so much time wondering what Belle wants to do. She doesn't feel like she'd fit working for someone else. I can't see he wanting to adhere to another person's schedule or orders. And then a bookshop just seemed to click. I'm so happy you agree and think she'd be perfect to own one!
eeek I'm so happy the ending creeping you out!! And I really do feel bad about cliff hangering everyone, but it was the better of the two options :P.
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're still reading and enjoying this story, Sophie ♥ Your reviews are always such an awesome surprise and leave me smiling ear to ear!
Thank you again, and I really hope you like next week's chapter! ♥
This chapter really interested me, I wish you would focus more on the order aswell as the students and death eaters. Also I really love mcgonigals thought and feeling they where very interesting
Please keep writing I'm kind of addicted to the story
KatieAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm so happy you liked this chapter! I really enjoy focusing on the DE and Order. But for this book, the students needed to be the more prominent part. The next book is where we really spend a lot of time with the Order and DE, because that one takes place after graduation :)!
Aww that's such an awesome compliment! I'll definitely keep writing ♥
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NO! STOP IT WITH THE CLIFF HANGERS! WHY would you do this to me? Naughty Jamie, Naughty.Author's Response: Hahah I'M SORRY! I promise, I won't leave you on one for the next chapter ♥ Report Review
Wow, that opening scene with Sirius was really intense. I like how you changed your writing style to reflect Sirius's rage in that moment and the flashes of events that happened as Sirius remembered them. The short spurts of words and sentences gave the scene a very disjointed effect, perfectly reflecting how I imagine Sirius to remember that night.
There were a few typos -
thankful he had thought to put it in is pocket after he changed from Padfoot. - is should be his
Peter followed with a small jet of water to get the majority of the caked blood from Remus's arm and soaked up the moisture with another blanket. - should be soak
You have a few hours until Pomfrey comes, get some sleep. - Make that two separate sentences
He screamed at her, shouted and thew it in her face - thew should be threw
He looked like a dog that had been kicked over and over, like the a broken form of the man she knew - delete the
Lily knew the small shards of her on insecurities, - on should be own
I loved the scene between Lily and Severus. I was wondering when we would see the two converse again. The mention of their relationship drifting apart even before he called her a mudblood was a nice addition since I don't think Lily would cut all ties from him for just that one instance if they were already on good terms before that. It was also heartbreaking how she fell write back into their old closeness with her calling him Sev.
The quidditch scene was a fun one to read, though I'm so mad you let Violet onto the team! I hope she falls off her broom at the first match and needs to be replaced. It also makes more sense now that Lily was the one that decided to keep the car accident a secret from James. I also liked the little touch of realism where you showed us that even at Hogwarts people with money get ahead.
The car race scene going into Lily's devastation was my favorite so far of this novel. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time reading it. It was so intense, first with the cars racing, then with the turbulent emotions and shock. I think the fact that Lily could smile at Sirius to reassure him shows the readers that she really has gotten stronger and dealt with her grief at least a little bit, though that insecurity that maybe it was her fault too is there as well. It would have been easier for Lily to blame Sirius so she can avoid blaming herself, but the fact that she never did that to Sirius shows how compassionate she is. That cliffhanger is forcing me to immediately move on to the next chapter! See you in Chapter 9. =)
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli!
I still struggle to make sure my writing matches whatever character we're following atm, so I'm really happy you thought it felt right for Sirius in this first section. He and James are always easier than the girls. I guess just like in RL, boys are simple and girls are a complicated bunch of craziness :P
I'm so happy you liked the Sev Lily scene! He's such an insanely hard character for me to write. And giving them a good balance between clearly not friends, but not just forgetting the friendship that meant so much to them, was hard for me. I also agree that I think things were already really tense between them before the incident. I feel like Lily probably used it as an out more than anything. They were probably already having a lot of issues and she just got exhausted with their constant arguing about his friends, and maybe she realized his feelings for her and didn't know how to let him down or something, so when he called her that it was a good excuse for her just to end it. Not fair to him at all, but a way to make a clean break :(.
I've had some mixed reaction on how I went with Lily in this. Some people wanted her to blame Sirius more, but it just didn't feel right. I think i her situation she'd have been too shocked to feel much of anything, then went straight to it being her fault (in her head). I'm really, really happy you think it showed her compassion. That was definitely something I hoped got across.
Thank you for the typos! Going to edit those in now! And I'm so, so excited that you're enjoying this so far. Your reviews are becoming my favorite part of the week ♥ Report Review
Hello darling! I actually read this chapter the other day and am finally getting around to leaving a review! This new job is so exhausting and this is a great reward ♥
Okay, so this is probably going to be nothing but a squee - that was completely unexpected and I LOVE it. That was so perfect I couldn't even handle it. I honestly thought that Sirius and Lily had a thing going on and she was with him when her parents were killed. I had no idea. I really like the thought that Sirius's recklessness was sort of the cause of something so catastrophic. I think it's a good fit in canon. We know the Marauders eventually grew up, some way or another, and I really like that this was that defining, growing moment for Sirius. It is also Lily's growing moment. She didn't press charges against the girl because she didn't want her to go to jail for manslaughter. That shows compassion and humanity. It also shows strength. Good gracious, Jami, no one can do Lily and James and all the rest like you. They're so your characters.
And James's reaction, oh goodness, so James and so Harry, really. And the ending! What is going to happen! I don't even know if I can emotionally manage it. Is it Death Eaters? Is someone else dead? Has the war really started? So many questions!
I'm sorry for such a short review. I have no CC for you or anything. I just can't get over how wonderful each chapter is. You've set this standard and held to it. I love it.
♥ ShelbyAuthor's Response: Shelby Shelby! I have your AP open in my 'after I respond to review' tab, yay!
You thought I would give Sirius Lily romantic-ness?! Mwahha. Never! I could actually see them falling together if James would have died or something. Sort of bonding over mutual grief... but I think that's the only way.
I'm so excited that you noticed it was a defining moment for both Lily and Sirius. Especially for the latter, cause no one seems to have noticed that so far. And it's such a huge moment! He realized how big his of consequences his actions can have. And that's such an amazing compliment, because with all the Marauders saturation around FF I really do want to be able to give them something different.
A short review?! This was absolutely perfect! I'm so insanely happy you enjoyed this chapter; you know how much I respect your opinion. Thank you my lovely for making my day ♥ Report Review
Oh no. Oh dear. Bellatrix doesn't want revenge on Lily and James. She wants revenge on Belle. She told Belle at the first defy that she would suffer the most painful death. D: I am sort of afraid you won't recognize me anymore since I got an account. Well, my old pen name was Ginny Weasley. And another thing. I need some advice. I started making a story on here, and I posted the first chapter. If you want to know, it is called Morgana Merlstien and Her Rubbish Life. If you want to read it and even review it that would be great. It would just touch my heart to know my favorite fanfic writer considered to read my story. Well, what I want advice on is a banner. I would love a banner for my story. That is actually how I found this story. The prettiest banner I would find, I would read the story. Do you know any fantastic artists you could link me to? It would be highly appreciated. My longest review yet! Let's hand out the FireWhiskey! Just kidding. I love your story so much, I will stick with you UNTIL THE END. Another refrence for you. With all the love I can spare for you lovely person, Morgan. (Yes I know this is on the wrong chapter)Author's Response: Hi Morgan!! I'm so happy you made an account!! I would love to review your new story. It doesn't look like the first chapter has been validated but I'll check back soon :)!
Also, the banner deal is pretty complicated to explain through here. My best suggestion is for you to make a forums account. Those take about a day to get validated, but they're such an awesome place to hang out and get help! You can also request reviews and join a house and lots of fun stuff. Anyway if you do decide to make an account I'm Jchrissy over there as well and a Prefect, so i'd be happy to talk you through it over personal messages :)!
Thank you again for always being such an amazingly loyal reader and I'm so excited you have your own account!! ♥
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Oh no. Oh dear. Bellatrix doesn't want revenge on Lily and James. She wants revenge on Belle. She told Belle at the first defy that she would suffer the most painful death. D: I am sort of afraid you won't recognize me anymore since I got an account. Well, my old pen name was Ginny Weasley. And another thing. I need some advice. I started making a story on here, and I posted the first chapter. If you want to know, it is called Morgana Merlstien and Her Rubbish Life. If you want to read it and even review it that would be great. It would just touch my heart to know my favorite fanfic writer considered to read my story. Well, what I want advice on is a banner. I would love a banner for my story. That is actually how I found this story. The prettiest banner I would find, I would read the story. Do you know any fantastic artists you could link me to? It would be highly appreciated. My longest review yet! Let's hand out the FireWhiskey! Just kidding. I love your story so much, I will stick with you UNTIL THE END. Another refrence for you. With all the love I can spare for you lovely person, Morgan.Author's Response: Hi Morgan!! I'm so happy you made an account!! I would love to review your new story. It doesn't look like the first chapter has been validated but I'll check back soon :)!
Also, the banner deal is pretty complicated to explain through here. My best suggestion is for you to make a forums account. Those take about a day to get validated, but they're such an awesome place to hang out and get help! You can also request reviews and join a house and lots of fun stuff. Anyway if you do decide to make an account I'm Jchrissy over there as well and a Prefect, so i'd be happy to talk you through it over personal messages :)!
Thank you again for always being such an amazingly loyal reader and I'm so excited you have your own account!! √Ę¬ô¬•
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FINALLY I MADE AN ACCOUNT! hi, this is your loyal reviewer Ginny Weasley, who was convinced by her best friend TheAwesomeOne, to make an account to post a story I started to write. well now I can review truely. peace out Jamie! with all of my love, Morgana.
I think you can guess my true name.Author's Response: Morgan, I'm so excited you made an account!!! Your reviews are always such a lovely surprise, so seeing you become part of the site is so awesome!!
Thank you for all your wonderful reviews!!
♥ Jami Report Review
You mentioned that Chapter 7 was one of your favorites so far, and I can definitely see why! With every chapter we get to see the personalities of the characters develop more and more along with their relationships with each other. I really enjoy seeing the Marauders bond with people outside the group, especially the girls. The scenes with the death eaters have been a favorite of mine as well. This is a unique time for many of the future top death eaters since they are still working on proving themselves to Voldemort and don't yet have the full power they have in the Hogwarts era.
I absolutely loved the opening paragraph of this chapter. Your in-depth description of the naked branches of the elm tree swinging back and forth was so lovely. I know in a novel you don't have as many opportunities to fit description focused paragraphs in, but I'm glad you included that in this opening. You know how much I love some good descriptions! Getting into the first scene I really enjoyed how you're stuck with showing us the more vulnerable side to the death eaters. Itís a good reminder that Voldemort and his followers were not always that strong, and they certainly had to build up their strength and power before the culmination of the war.
There were a few typos I thought I would point out -
"He was concentrating intensely at they greying night sky."
"But before she could even begin to wonder about the look, it was as gone."
"He needed time adjust to seeing this more fragile side of Belle."
"It was odd to know the turns and twists of someones personality"
"What Remus's transformation started early?"
"Apart and together, apart and together with the rhythm of a his pounding heart"
I find it a little ironic that Belle's family was visiting Louisville and betting on the Triple Crown races. Did you get this idea from that novel you were talking about written by Nora Roberts? That's funny we were just talking about it and now it popped up in a chapter! I really liked how Belle and Sirius were able to bond through their difficult relationship with their families. It's very fitting that they would have a close bond due to how similar their pasts are. I can't wait to find out even more about what happened to Belle.
I love how you described the slight awkwardness of the group after they all transformed. I can imagine James almost poking Sirius with his antlers and Peter scurrying around beneath them trying not to get crushed. Peter flicking his tail as the signal for the all clear was adorable! I also thought it was interesting how you had James fill himself with the love of his family to transform back into a human, similar to an animagus. I wasn't expecting him to picture the opposite of love like the war and the painful emotions brought on by humanity to transfer to his animagus form though. That's a very creative way to describe the transformation. I really enjoyed how the readers got to see so many different sides to the story in this chapter! Wonderful writing. =)
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli Alli Alli!
Yes, this chapter was one that I enjoyed writing almost more than any. The MoonyWormtailPadifootandProngs section was just so much fun for me. I love giving reasons behind the things JKR shows us, so exploring different things that the boys had to do to get into and out of their animal forms was a lot of fun for me. I remember Sirius having no trouble changing in Azkaban, so it's obvious you don't need a wand, so the emotion behind the magic is sort of what I decided to play on. I'm not sure if it makes much sense to anyone else but me, but oh well :P!
I really like those chances that I do get to be a bit more descriptive. Setting the scene is always a lot of fun, and I'm so happy you liked this one and didn't feel like it was over done or anything! I spent so long googling trees in the UK to decide on what kind to use, hahaha.
Thank you for the typos! Heading over right now to edit them in!!
Hahahaha well since I knew nothing about the Triple Crown races before reading her Irish Thoroughbred series, I'm guessing that's a safe bet :P! I wanted there to be a reason that Belle's sister was writing in English and not French though, or at least a way to show why that she knows English well, and I thought having just been in the States would be reason enough for her to still have our language stuck in her mind :P! And THEN I was trying to think of why a very wealthy newlywed couple would be in the states, and the triple crown popped up :P! hahaha. My brain is an odd place.
Eeek I'm so excited to see what you think of Belle's story when we get there!
ALLI you just called something Peter did adorable!! Look at you, getting all soft :P. I'm really excited you like the Animagus to human and back reasoning, and relieved that it makes sense to someone else besides me, haha!
Thank you so much for another awesome review ♥ AND GOOD MORNING. And tomorrow is Friday!
Surprise! I closed my eyes and picked a story and it was this one, but I'll be over to read some of your Oliver story soon!
I'm mostly going to go through the chapter in order, hitting on your AoCs as we get to them chronologically, but I apologize in advance if it's a bit disjointed. I actually read the chapter over two days so I'm having to try and decipher my own scribblings :P
Being a boyfriend was complicated, but James couldn't deny loving it. I just loved this line. He's falling into the role so well, but it's nice to see that while his affection for Lily comes naturally, knowing how to be a good boyfriend is a whole other matter. I also really liked the line Lily really had been born a Gryffindor. James always gets the credit for being the "true" Gryffindor of the group, but there has to be more to Lily than kindness and loyalty or she'd have been sorted into Hufflepuff. It's just a small line, I know, but I thought it was sweet.
I thought you handled the match perfectly. You've had some Quidditch before that you skipped over, and while I certainly didn't feel this needed a FULL account of the game, I liked that you didn't completely brush over it. I thought you tucked in just enough to hit the balance between looking like you just didn't want to write it out and boring the readers with an account that was longer than necessary. I thought you managed it perfectly.
Should I be worried about Polly? I feel like I should be worried about her. She's too adorable, but I'm afraid you're going to be a really cruel author and kill her off as a casualty of war.
I'm totally buying the way the suspicions are unfolding regarding Alrek. Using the Quidditch match as a way to jog that memory for Lily was very clever. Since we as the reader already know it's him, having them looking everywhere BUT at him would feel like you were intentionally dragging it out. I think this is perfect. They've made a very believable connection between what might have been said in his presence and what happened with Bella, and while they aren't ready to chase him down with pitchforks, they are bumping him waaay up the suspect list.
Aw... I loved the arrival of Gideon and Fabian and the way they rile up Moody the same way Fred and George might. I really enjoy when you write from McGonagall's perspective. You have a very nice way of humanizing her. And this is just another aside, but I really liked the line That allowed more time for someone to find a hole and break into it. I love this sorts of things -- the ones that get your brain churning on the inner (and often messy) workings of magic. And I think what Dumbledore said covers it all: we must allow him control of his own future, or we're no better than Voldemort's side.
Okay, last point. The characters. No, I don't feel the characters have been "created," if you mean in the sense that they do and say things that only meant to serve the plot. I think you've kept them true and consistent throughout. Though I should also add that I don't think creating characters to serve the plot is always a bad idea, as long as there is internal consistency and logic in why they do what they do. When it comes to characters, my philosophy is the messier the better. Real people are complicated, and characters should be to. Good guys should, on occasion, do mean, spiteful and foolish things, and bad guys who might not mind killing you can still me nice to their mothers and help old ladies cross the street :P
Ooops, I got a little sidetracked there. Sorry about that. I spotted some typos. Not sure if they'll fit. Anything that doesn't, I'll pm you. Another great chapter. I can't believe we're getting to the start of the end. Please don't kill Polly, okay?!?
-- Consequently, had to tell Frank and Sirius that they were expected to take their dates somewhere lovely, as well (I think this is missing a word)
-- James went through the calculations in his mind: They beat Slytherin the first match, Gryffindor scoring two-hundred and thirty points to Slytherin's ninety. (lowercase they)
-- Neither of those teams worried James too much, it was mainly Hufflepuff he was concerned about. (comma splice)
-- "No." He said firmly. ("No," he said...)
-- But no one is alone with him and, unless we somehow learn... (is to be alone)
-- Violet jetted through the air, her entire body forming to the the broom with the Hufflepuff... (double the)
-- ...but something about the way he'd been looking at her, the color of the dark blue... (eyes? is this missing a word at the end?)
-- "Polly, you were bloody amazing out there." The deep voice said followed by a sharp cough from McGonagall. (out there," the deep voice said)
-- Mr. Prewett and Mr. Prewett, if you would all care to take seat... (to take a seat)
-- I believe they aware of certain aspects as it is (they are aware)
-- He doesn't know what we are by name, but he understand that there... (he understands that)
-- He deserves to think through the offer presented by My. Henniway. (Mr)
-- Mr. Potter's future isn't he only that's been discussed this evening (isn't the only one that's)Author's Response: Hiii! It was so hard for me not to respond to this review the second I saw it yesterday. I swear, works main goal in my life is to try and cut into my HPFF time :P!
It was a lot of fun getting to play back inside James's mind for a while in this. As much as I love writing from Lily's perspective, James is just really a ton of fun for me. I'm so happy you liked watching James sort of struggle with the actual being a boyfriend role. It's definitely still new for him :P! Though I think he has a lot easier of a time with it than Lily being a girlfriend...
Ahh I'm so happy you liked the match! I realized I couldn't actually take us away from it like before, but that didn't mean we had to be paying attention the entire time :P.
Polly is sweet, isn't she? Um. I don't know how to answer that question. She serves an important purpose during the next book. That's all I'm saying :P!
I really didn't love bringing Alrek into the list of suspicions, but then I figured having us know and having the group *kind of* know, but not really, would be a good balance. Like you said, if I wouldn't have looked at him it would have felt too drug out. I worried that jogging Lily's memory during the game felt too planned, so I'm really relieved you liked it!
The more I wrote McGonagall's perspective the more comfortable I get, but she still takes a million times longer to write than anyone else. Balancing the part of her that I think would be very caring with the woman we saw in the books is always a struggle for me. And you know how much I love jumping into those messier magic parts. If I wouldn't have actually been trying to entertain people with this story, it probably would have ended up being a 31 chaptered fic of nothing but classes and spells :P!
Ahhh I'm so happy the characters feel natural still!! Now that you mentioned it, I just realized how many I did create for a certain purpose, but I don't want them to feel like they only have that purpose. Though you don't know what those characters purposes are yet, so maybe I'll bring up this AoC after we get there. haha. I don't know if that paragraph made any sense :P.
Haaha I love your sidetrack moments. Especially the idea of a killer heading out and doing his thing then getting home and kissing his mom goodnight :P
Yay thank you for the typos! Those have already been edited in. Should i send you best unofficial beta in the word cupcakes??
Thank you so much for another absolutely amazing review, Becky! ♥ Report Review
I'm back for another two chapters!
Chapter 5- So we finally got to see what Voldemort has been up to. I was really surprised that he has already focused on James and Lily and finding someone to infiltrate the group. Bellatrix was my favorite part of this scene. I liked seeing her at such a weak point in her life where she isn't in Voldemort's inner circle and has to grovel at his feet to try to stay in his good graces. I saw a lot of glimpses of the Bellatrix we see in your other story in this scene which was a nice surprise. You know how much I love your characterization of her.
Sirius was being so thoughtful with his concern for Peter. Is it bad that I already hate him even though he hasn't done anything wrong yet? It's sweet of Sirius to still care about his brother too even though he knew he was turning dark. Oh no, Sirius was finally going to tell him the truth! I hope he does soon. I feel like I cheated a bit since I already know what he needs to tell James. :P I honestly wasn't expecting Lily to know though, but I'm glad she doesn't have an additional surprise to deal with on top of the loss of her parents.
I was having a little Hermione/Viktor flashback as I read the scene between Alrek and Lily. Maybe it's the accent, but it also reminds me of how Ron was really jealous of their relationship while James is now jealous of this situation. Dumbledore is so smart and witty! I love how you've written him, especially this line, "It's a marvelous thing, you know, finding beauty where destruction has touched." He has so many wise things to tell us.
Chapter 6 - I love how you transitioned from the present day to the flashbacks with "an ocean of memories came crashing through her, catching her in their current and pulling her into their sea." It made the flashback really well integrated into the chapter. There were a few typos I saw so I'll get those out of the way first - "His excitement was infections." "He gave Petunia and encouraging smile" "Neither spoke while the walked." "He had let her use him as verbal punching bad for." "She held his gaze despite the sudden quickening of her heartbeat urged her to look away." "I don't now about Belle."
This transition was amazing too - "the torn fabric of their relationship was sown together, mended with careful hands." I love the attention to detail you have when you're switching between scenes. You're killing me with all these foreboding statements like, "We have all the time in the world, right?" I want to scream at them to get together now because they're wasting time. Now I see you mentioned in your author's note there was a particular line in this chapter that was heart-breaking, and I bet this was it.
We got to see a bit more from Peter in this chapter and despite the fact that I still hate him I can appreciated that you gave him a bit of intelligence with figuring out what happened with Violet when she kissed James. You also showed that Peter is capable of manipulating and lying to people when he was getting information out of her. You also added in his need to get approval which probably played a big role in his service to Voldemort. Overall I really like your characterization of Peter so far. He must be an incredibly difficult character to write.
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli Alli Alli!!! I'm so happy you liked Bellatrix's first appearance. She definitely becomes a little addicting to write! I struggled a lot with how James and Lily would face their first defy why they were still in Hogwarts (I swear, JKR did not take pity on us poor Marauders era fanfic writers!) but there's months of planning on the DE part before we ever get there. I may have just gotten a little anxious to include one of their scenes :P
Before I started writing Alrek I went and read every Viktor passage I could find. If I ever want to do another story with characters that will require accents, just go ahead and throw something at me, okay? :P And I can't really blame you for hating Peter. It took a lot of work to make myself unhate him and not just have him throw himself into the black lake :P
Ahhh I'm so happy you like Dumbledore! And thank you for the typos! I'm heading to edit them back in right when I'm finished responding to this!
Yes, that was the line that made me so sad! I wrote it just sat there for a second thinking, NO! You don't have all the time in the world!! You're on *borrowed* time, get it together kids!
I practice a lot on transitions. They take quite a few times for me to feel like they're okay, so I'm really happy you pointed out liking that one!
I think Peter's hardest part is balancing between a boy that I do think was a real friend to this group, and the person he'll end up being. Like I mentioned before, I've just twisted canon enough in my head to come up with something I was okay with :P!
By the way, i just answered this review right when I got to my office while I still have my coffee, and i feel like this could be the best way to start out a morning. Now I'm all warm and fuzzy ♥
Thank you for another amazing review, Alli! At first I typed your full first name there, then I deleted it but continued giggling to myself :P!
♥ Report Review
I'm here with my review for the last three chapters. Chapter 2 - It's heartbreaking knowing that Petunia isn't there to comfort Lily after their parents died. You would think if anything could bring them back together it was this, but unfortunately Petunia was probably still too bitter and jealous of Lily even 6-7 years later. I'm glad the difficult situation is making James act more mature and protective over Lily. I can definitely see how a big event like this could draw the two together.
I just love William and Olivia in this story! The way they referred to James and Sirius as "their boys" makes me happy for Sirius that he could find another family to love him like their own. Olivia sounds like the most amazing woman, and James clearly knows how wonderful she is as well. Who else can arrest dangerous wizards and then go home and bake some cookies? When James says, "he couldn't imagine a life without her," I immediately felt a pang in my stomach knowing that her death was only a few years away. She also is very perceptive to Lily and what she's dealing with. I like how she suggested that Lily would first fake feeling okay and then eventually she would truly believe it. We saw a bit of growth from Lily when she saw determination in her own eyes instead of the emptiness she was expecting.
Onto Chapter 3 - I love that Frank appears to be the bravest one of the group since he isn't afraid to stand up to the professors. I can certainly see where Neville got his bravery from. I absolutely loved this line, "Alas, loss is part of life and our hearts must remember the beauty of it, and let the darkness that death creates inside the soul, slip away." Your writing style is so lovely! I'm now getting really frustrated with James and his rash anger towards Lily. He really does need to learn when to shut his mouth and leave it be. I noticed one small mistake where you repeated 'the idea' in this line - "She wanted to open her mouth and continue, but the idea the idea was too painful."
Chapter 4 - Including the details on how the Draught of Blood and Wolfsbane work was really interesting. I like that you showed the readers a bit of what Lily is passionate about. It's very impressive and clever that you completely made up the Draught of Blood and how it works. It makes perfect sense how you described the red blood cells multiplying and eventually making the blood too thick. There was one typo I spotted in this sentence, "She even nearly smiling when she told me!"
I also really liked how you described the relationship between Belle and Sirius as thunder and lightning. That's a great way to describe their dominant though complimentary strength. Also, Remus is so kind and caring towards all of his friends, though I wonder why he hasn't told Lily about his condition yet. The memory of Lily with her mother was a great scene as well. The readers really got to see how close Lily was with her mother and how similar they were. It's a bit refreshing to see Lily crack a bit and let go of her 'perfect' exterior. There was so much that happened in this chapter with our first spotting of Bellatrix and Lily now becoming more aware of her feelings for James. I can tell the story is really picking up!
AlliAuthor's Response: ALLI!! Hi ♥! You're spoiling me!!
A lot more of Lily and Petunia's back story gets told through this. JKR put in Pottermore that they attended Vernon and Petunia's wedding after having a terrible dinner with them during winter of 7th year, so basically I wanted to tell the story of where Lily and Petunia stood to lead up to that dinner. Um. I'm making no sense. Basically, you haven't heard about the last of Petunia :P!
I'm so happy you liked such a big event sort of being what pushed James into showing is more mature side. Men... sometimes all they need is a big shove in the right direction :P
Ahhh I haven't had many people comment on seeing the determination in Lily's eyes! I'm so happy you did, because I think it was one of the most important parts of this chapter. This girl just had her life ripped apart, but she's going to keep moving forward. And I didn't mean to give you a feels pang when you realized that about the Potters :(! Here, have a cookie!
Awww I'm so happy you like my writing style! Dumbledore is hands down the character I have the most trouble with. One of his lines takes like ten times as long as any other character :P
Thank you for pointing out the typo! I'm going to go delete that right after I finish this response!
I had a LOT of fun making up Draught of Blood. I was trying to figure out the details for it while Ben and I were driving to cape cod for 4th of July, and kept being like, 'Ben Ben Ben what if your red blood cells just didn't stop? Ben Ben Ben' haha. The majority of any medical stuff I have in here, I've written then forced Ben to listen to me read it out loud to see if I got the medical parts correct, haha!
I have a hard time with the, 'I'm a werewolf' sort of chapter that some Marauders stories have. Mainly because Remus didn't even tell his friends, they figured it out then followed him during a full moon night after learning how to transform into animals. So, even though we'll see Lily figuring it out for herself later on, he doesn't really come clean and admit it until there's no other choice.
Yes, after this chapter I do think things start speeding up. Or at least we're now out of cliche land :P.
I'm so happy you liked these chapters, and am seriously impressed with your ability to review three in one. I wouldn't have been able to remember to comment on nearly that much stuff!!
Thank you so much Alli for another amazing review, and again for just giving this story a go. ♥ I hope it doesn't disappoint!
I can tell Alrek wants to get Lily alone for a diffrent reason than Violate. and it's not a good one. Fantastic! Sorry I haven't reviewed right away, but I couldn't read it right away with my internet being crazy. I love it as much as I ALWAYS do. ( ;) Harry Potter refrence for you.)Author's Response: Hahah YES! You're right! Violet and Alrek have very different agendas, that's for sure.
Aww no worries, I'm so happy you were able to read this and that you loved it... ALWAYS ;)!! See look, I'm using your reference back at you! mwahaha! :P
Thank you so much for another amazing review ♥ Report Review
I finally have time to read this story! I must say it's a bit daunting having 31 chapters to get through to catch up, but I'm going to give it a go and try to power through them. I love how you start off the story with a bit of a mystery as to what house in Cokeworth the readers would be hearing about and why it's so special. Olivia and William seem so kind and sweet! I just love how you've characterized them here, especially how they show so much love for both James and Sirius. It's also adorable that Olivia and William are worried about Sirius trying to become an auror due to how dangerous it is. Mentioning the Potters' doubts towards Sirius due to his family name is also a good addition because it shows even the best people can have a little bit of early judgment towards someone.
I wasn't expecting Sirius to show up with Lily on his bike so that was an interesting twist. I can't believe her poor parents died! I expect we'll be seeing plenty of tragedy over the course of the novel though. Overall this was a wonderful start to your story! I felt like I got to know Olivia and William and their relationship with James and Sirius fairly well. I'm also excited to see more of how James and Lily interact. Though the death of Lily's parents is a very sad way to end the chapter it is also a great cliffhanger to leave us on. Your writing in this chapter was amazing as always so I won't even bother to waste time rambling on and on about it. :P I can't wait to read the next chapter and find out what happened to Lily's parents!
AlliAuthor's Response: Alli ♥!!! You're a crazy girl for setting into a 31 chapter story. But I'm not complaining :P!
I've always had a super strong head canon for James's parents. We know he was rather spoiled and over confident, but he ended up being a man that gave his life for the war when he could have turned a blind eye and ran for the hills. So that's always led me to the idea that James's parents did definitely spoil him, but that he realized when he started getting older how lucky he was. We learn so much by example, so watching the kind of people his parents are makes me think he'd grew into that sort of person as well. Ermmm. sorry for that ramble. Moving on.
I figured if I wanted to get anyone reading *another* Marauders story I'd have to end it big :P. I'm so happy you liked the cliff hanger. I'm always nervous when I leave them... trying to figure out if they were too much or not enough or blah. haha
Thank you for your awesome comments on this first chapter. I don't think I'll ever be absolutely happy with it since it's such an important one, but knowing you liked it has put a huge smile on my face!
♥ Jami Report Review
Even though I didnít get to post it congrats on BTF reaching 600 reviews thatís amazing! *throws confetti* and the chapter summary for this one! Iím trying not to get too excited about what might happen and skip to the end and find out.
Aw I really liked Briscoe; itís so rare to come across a nice Slytherin but Iím really glad that youíve included one as it shows both sides of them. I almost donít want Lily and James to leave because I wonít find out whether they are any developments on the Eleanor/Briscoe front :P
Ah and Abigail appears again. Even if itís a tiny appearance from her she gets me riled up, I really feel for Lily and James as they actually have to deal with her! Woo go James! He was awesome, though I dread to think what Abigailís going to deal as her way of revenge; I canít imagine itís going to be pretty. Aw Lily was lovely to Mary I really liked that scene :í)
Ok I could handle Violetís hate for Lily considering sheís dating James and all, but her hate for Belle is unjustified quite frankly. Yay I love surprise parties and it seems fitting that McGonagall was invited as she always seemed to have a soft spot for those Marauders. Iím kind of worried what Violet was planning to do to James without McGonagall being there though, and Iím also questioning the sorting hatís abilities; sheís way too Slytherin for her own good.
Aw if Mary and Peter got together that would be so cute. Iím trying to disregard what he does later on so the cuteness can actually happen. Theyíre both really quiet and kind and can be pushed around easily. Then the thing I liked about both of them is that they stand up to their friends when necessary and thatís what Mary was doing and I was her personal cheerleader. Iíve done a lot of cheering for people who take Violet down in the past few chapters.
Violet + Alrek = danger. This is not a good sign; perhaps her Slytherin tendencies will cause her to become a Death Eater. I really hope that isnít true, though I donít like her I donít want her to become one of them. Ah Iím worried about what those two are going to do now, they really arenít a good combination and the only thing I can think is that theyíre going to cause a lot of trouble. I hope someone overheard them and is going to report back to James and Lily, though thatís very unlikely.
Ah! This is it! I thought from the chapter summary something like this might happen but I didnít want to get carried away so I didnít mention it, but now you brought up the conversation she had with Belle and Alice it must be. I was wondering what his present could be, but it makes sense now. Haha, you really are good with your little hints, Jami!
This line was perfect for James ĎI mean, weíd feel... different I think, but not, um, bad different.Ēí It really reminded me of Harry and how unsure he could be. If there is a lack of comments on this section itís because it would just be squealing and hearts and I donít want to seem too crazy. But aw James + Lily = ♥ aw those two theyíre so cute and I love them.
Ok I take that back. James you idiot Ė it was so awkward when he thought it was prank. There was Lily being all organised with her protection and psyching herself up for it and he goes and says that how could he. He really can be infuriating at times. That section was way too up and down. I was having a go at James and then they were going to ahead with it and then Lily got scared. If it wasnít like that it wouldnít have been realistic. I really thought it was brilliant even if it did result in a lot of feels. Iím glad that they didnít go ahead with it as I could tell Lily wasnít ready and the moment will be even more special.
Another amazing chapter, Jami ♥
-KianaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much Kiana ♥ for both another amazing review and for playing such a massive part in helping keep me motivated to write BTF and make me feel like I am doing something right with this bunch of characters ♥
I do get sad by how terribly the house is looked upon, and I thought Briscoe is a nice way to show that they aren't all future Death Eaters :P.
I thought you would like the Lily Mary scene :D! Mary might not have the best taste in friends, but she's still a Gryffindor and brave enough to stand up to them when they're being ridiculous!
Hahaha agreed about Violet's hate for Belle. Usually it seems like if a girl doesn't like another girl, they don't like their entire group of friends, either. Our species definitely has some kinks to work out... starting with Violet :P
I fully agree about Violet and Alrek = danger. If it helps, I can tell you that Violet won't become a Death Eater. She's very selfish and refuses to see things from any other point of view, but if it helps ease your nerve I can assure you she isn't actually evil. We'll see more of that soon!
Hahaha aww thank you! I still struggle to leave hints without giving things away, so I'm happy you like them ♥
I'm so happy you agreed with their decision to not go ahead, and I definitely don't think i was the right time, either. But at least they got to talk things out with Violet, and I got to write some serious James and Lily feels. HEHEHEH.
Thank you so much for another amazing review Kiana, actually for 31 amazing reviews. I'm so excited to see what you think of next chapter!!
♥ Jami Report Review
Another cute chapter! James and Lily are so adorable! So when is Violet being pitched off the Astronomy Tower? Alrek can join her too. Can't wait till the next chapter comes out :)Author's Response: Hahaha No no no we don't throw people off of towers! :P I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter! Your reviews always brighten my day ♥
Jami Report Review
How to love you? Let me count the ways I love this story right now. After devoting some quality time to Sirius and Belle, Alice and Frank, we've come back around to some major James and Lily relationship development. All kinds of stuff happening in this chapter, some of it awesome and some of it making me want to reach in with the Beta Reader's Hand of God and smite some of the antagonists. What's that you say? Beta Readers don't control the Hand of God? Well they should! What good am I if I can't smite the characters who are threatening James and Lily? Anyhow, on with the review.
Again, you managed to come through with some really engrossing "nuts and bolts" situations in the midst of all the high-stress romantic drama created by Vile and her little plan. It really helps to ground all of the higher-level plot in the reality that we're still dealing with school-age kids trying to live their lives as normally as possible.
Before I got to the second scene of the chapter, Abigail would have been my first smiting victim, but by the time this chapter was over, her nonsense barely registers as smite-worthy. She's an arrogant, bigoted, pureblood supremacist who obviously hates James and Lily intensely now. But she's not very threatening in the great scheme of things. I liked the way that Lily and James handle her, though, and the way that her riot act serves to turn up the pressure another notch at a time when Lily already has too much on her mind.
The conversation between Lily and Mary continued to build toward the "moment" between James and Lily in the Heads' Quarters. Throughout the chapter, you did a really good job of selling the pressure that Lily feels to "cement" her relationship with James by taking the intimacy to the next level. Well, taking it up several levels, actually. She's trying to get ahead of the game.
I don't like Vile. This obviously isn't news to you, but it bears repeating. I want to smite her so badly! I'm talking old school, Greek gods chucking thunderbolts from the top of Mt. Olympus type smiting. Either that or turn Belle loose on her. Somebody, be they mortal or divine, needs to have a go at this girl and knock some sense into her. I loved how delusional you made her. The conviction with which she believes that James is simply going to dump Lily and fall for her, her misplaced hatred of Lily and this bizarre idea that she's somehow going to "run" Hogwarts after the current group of Seventh Years depart gave her something approaching a "Single White Female" level of creepiness.
Her situation plays right into Alrek's hands. Now we come to the recipient of smiting #2 that I wanted to hand out in this chapter. Durmstrang is still at it and now he's found a willing accomplice. There's not too much I can say about his conversation with Vile except that I thought it was brilliant the way that he's so creepy that even Vile, as messed up in the head as she is, notices that there's something seriously off about him. Of course, she's much to wrapped up in her own desires to seriously question it. Yep, she's still standing at the head of the Smiting Line, with Alrek on deck.
And that brings us to the most awesome part of the chapter. I ran the gamut of emotions in this section. At times I wanted to cheer for Lily and at times I wanted to give her a big sympathy hug. Her inner thoughts were beautifully done, the way that she keeps trying to convince herself that something that means so much to her and James is such an inconsequential thing. The planning that she had put into the evening also really helped to sell it. By the time she sat down on that couch with James, she had obviously convinced herself of what was going to happen, although I admit that I had my doubts. After what almost happened and didn't at the hotel, I just had a feeling that James wasn't going to let things happen like this, with Lily being an emotional nervous wreck. That said, I don't know how much longer the poor guy's control is gonna hold out.
I loved the way that Lily almost pulls it off before her nerves betray her. That was what really sold me on her intent.
James was brilliantly sensitive in this chapter. I mean way, way above and beyond the call of duty. You do realize, I assume, that most guys would not be able to see things for what they are the way that he does. Once Lily Evans was lip-locking them and crawling on top of them, most guys would lose the blood flow to their brains required to detect such nuanced indicators of her emotional state. ;)
The part where he gets a little mad at her -- maybe more than a little -- for doubting him was what kept James from turning into a complete... um, what's the male version of a Mary Sue? Well, whatever that word is, I felt like he was getting dangerously close to it until he got mad at her for doubting him. That's what really sold me on James Potter here. It's a perfectly natural reaction, especially when you consider that he's probably feeling very aroused and frustrated at that moment. Nice touch!
James exhaled, letting his head fall back against the cushion. "You're going to kill me one of these days. I don't know how someone can make a bloke feel so many things in less than an hour. We're not supposed to be able to feel this much, us guys. Not made for it." -- Amen, James. Amen.
"But you still love me anyway," James said, a cocky grin on his face. -- Genius! He manages to drop in the "L word" AND do it in such a way that he puts it in her mouth instead of his own.
... they never noticed a pair of green eyes watching them. -- Bad Jami! Bad!
I'm almost out of characters so I can't gush much. Suffice it to say that people -- me included -- love this story and really feel the emotional investment you've made in these characters. Anyone who acts as though you're being self-absorbed or snotty for loving the story as much as you do just doesn't get it. Until next time!Author's Response: Hahah I'm not really sure where that title came from, but it felt right :P! Hahhhahaha NO Dan no smiting! As you know, they are all very important and play important roles and if you smite them that WON'T HAPPEN and things won't be pretty! Or they'll be prettier I suppose... but not realistic :P. Keep your pretend Hand of God put away, please!
Abigail, as you know, is still up in the air. I think I've finally come up with my solid plans for her, though those could change. I need her around for a bit longer before you smite her. :P. But you're right, in this chapter she's the least of what Lily has to deal with.
I'm trying to think which would be worse... sending a Greek god to chuck a thunderbolt at Vile or letting Belle loose on her. I have to say, I think she'd get a much more painless death if it was the thunderbolt option. Good thing Miss Isabelle is kept on a rather tight leash by the group :P
I really wanted to make it clear that Violet ... sorry, Vile.. did realize that Alrek didn't really feel right. But like you said, she's so wrapped up in her world and the fact that he's giving her a chance to get closer to what she wants, that she ignores that. She'll wish she hadn't very soon.
I think that James was definitely even more angry than he led on when he realized what was really going on. Nerves, he would be able to handle. He understands how new to this Lily is, and doesn't want to mess up what they've worked so long to build, but if he thought it was *just* nerves I'm pretty sure he'd have soothed those and carried on, but when he gets to the bottom it.. oh boy. Not a happy camper, our James.
Hhaahah I figured you'd like that line of James's. I do think he's a bit more emotionally in tune with other people. He's dealt with Sirius and his fits for years, and had the advantage of Olivia and William talking through things that most parents don't. But of course, he's still a guy and your species can only get so far :P
Hahhahah THANKS DAN for the last paragraph of this ♥ I definitely got over the level of upset I was at before, but I do hope that person realizes how ridiculous they sounded.
FLY SAFE, PLEASE!
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