Reading Reviews for So This Is How It Ends...
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #26, by HallowsAndHorcruxes The Snake Without His Prize

27th June 2012:
Oh this deinfatly explains a lot of what happened and why which is something that reader will want to know. As while sometimes leaving things mysertious works it is also nice to know what actually happened too.

I like the fact that you chose to have this chapater from Albus's point of view as it helps the read to have a chance to sympathise with him and reveal his character's feelings. It also explains his actions and why he did them which I feel makes me not want to just out right hate a character without knowing there side of it.

I also think it's good that you have referanced events from earlier chapater's as it helps to tie everything together!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!!

When I planned the story, I wanted to give each of them a chance to have their say, and I really tried to make neither of them the villain, though I was a little prejudiced against Albus. I really put off writing this chapter, because I didn't want to make him seem too mean!! D:

I tried to tie everything together... I may have been a little vague in Melinda's chapter, and I'll probably be editing a lot after the queue reopens in July. I made the first chapter a little vague (huge risk, I know) to try and catch people's attention...

Thank you!! :)


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Review #27, by HallowsAndHorcruxes The Bird Without Her Cage

27th June 2012:
I think this was a nice little insight in the past between the two with the little snippets through out the chapater. How they met, why they broke up. It helps me to understand the events of the first chapater.

Though I am a little confused about what date Melinda herself is in with it bobbing from past to present as all I know is we are six month after the break up but not actually when that is. Though it's not all that important I suppose and just me being silly.

Again another good chapater keep it up.

Author's Response: It's okay. I know it's a little bit confusing.

With the "six months later" bit, I was going for a general time, around six months after they broke up in late October.

Thank you!! :)


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Review #28, by HallowsAndHorcruxes The Ending Is Only the Beginning

27th June 2012:
Oh this is quite interesting I must say! I would have never thought of portrarying Albus in such a way like this but I find that it makes me wonder why he is so. It was me wondering what they faught about that has come to ended their relationship.

While I'm not the keenest one people using houses to sterotype characteristic's of characters I do think that you have used it quite cleverly within your story so far. Also your descriptions are well written which is always good within a story and helps people to visualise things which is something I am very found of being artistic myself.

All in all a quite enjoyable chapater!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much!! I['m glad you liked it!

And I'm not too big a fan of stereotyping the houses either, but I was trying to go for certain characteristics that made them be a Slytherin or a Ravenclaw, such as Albus' ambition and Melinda's brains. I wasn't trying to make them bad or good based on their house, but just trying to show that sometimes, they embodied the characteristics a little TOO well.

I'm glad you liked my descriptions! I always worry about whether I've described something adequately or not. :)


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Review #29, by hedwigs_theme The Bird Without Her Cage

25th June 2012:
Hello again!

Firstly, I just want to say that I love your last sentence "Let the caged bired fly free", It's so pretty!

Flashbacks~ These aren't too confusing. I know it's hard as I use plenty of flashbacks when I write as well. Just be careful on the amount you use because if use too many more in one chapter your readers could get bored and you wouldn't want that :(

The characterisation of Albus was better. You gave the reader a better understanding of his personality changes and how much of a jerk he became.

A great 2nd chapter :)

ht 8.5/10

Author's Response: Auughhh!! Thank you for loving my last sentence!! I really wanted each chapter to have something in common, and it seemed like a last sentence in italics was the right choice. In these sentences, I try to sum up the feelings and changes each character has gone through, which is a bit difficult, I found!

As for the flashbacks, I was trying to show how the relationship deteriorated, and then I read over it, and I thought, "Wowww... Too much doom and gloom." So I added in a happy moment from the relationship, just to even the balance. There were many more flashbacks that I wanted to put in, but I didn't, because I was afraid that they would be confusing/overwhelming.

Thank you for reviewing my story! :)


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Review #30, by hedwigs_theme The Ending Is Only the Beginning

24th June 2012:
Hi!

I'm here from my review thread :)


I enjoyed this chapter alot, you definitely worked hard to put alot of emotion into it.

Characterisation~ I think that you did well with this. Albus is not a character we know very well, since he is only metioned a couple of time in the epilogue. You have created him with a different personality to what I imagine him to have but it still works just fine. I think that you could have maybe described him a bit more.

Characterisation (OC)~ You described your OC better than Albus, but you could have described her more. You characterised her well (although it's hard for me to tell since she is an OC).

Plot~ Your plot seems good at the moment although obviously it's just the beginning of the story so it's hard to tell.


I really loved the flower bit :)

You did a great job so keep up the good work!

8.5/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your input!!

I was a little worried that Albus seemed too rude to be realistic, so that's why I asked you to look at characterization in my request. I am definitely going to edit the story after the queue reopens in July, and I will look into trying to describe them a little better.

Thank you for loving the flower part!! I love hair clips, and I thought it would be fun to add them in my story. :)


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Review #31, by LyrisLovegood The Snake Without His Prize

23rd June 2012:
Hi I'm back for another review.

This was a really good third chapter. I like it very much. It gave me more of an insight to who Albus' is as a person...however I wish I knew why he wants to be controlling or what triggers it. I love the ending of all your chapters, some very nice short and simple quotes.

The story flow really well and isn't too fast pace and everything seems to gel together.

I'm looking forward to reading the last chapter :D

Keep it up.

Author's Response: Ah, thanks so much! I really struggled with getting into Albus' head for this chapter.
I tried to lay out why he became controlling, but I didn't really do quite as much with it as I should have... After the challenge ends, I'm going to revise and edit quite a lot on this one.
But it's really nice to know that you like the pace. I was going for a short story, but one that would carry some kind of meaning, whatever it may be. :)
Hearts for reviewing yet again!!


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Review #32, by LyrisLovegood The Bird Without Her Cage

23rd June 2012:
Hi I'm back with another review.

So I love this chapter, you've captured Melinda's emotions really well. I like how you didn't make her angry but instead let her accept the fact that it has ended. I like how Albus is bitter as you know in real life not everything is picture perfect and you showed that really well here. I could feel her emotions and I could really relate to her. Plus the flashbacks just makes it the more beautifully. However I do think Albus does come off as a little pushy and controlling...also easily persuaded. He shouldn't let his friends dictate on what he thinks about his girlfriend but sometime you just want to fit in the crowds even if it upsets the one around you.

I really like this! I hope to read more soon.

Sorry if this isn't helpful as I haven't really written down CC :/

Anyway happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you for loving this chapter!! It was probably my second favorite to write, right after the fourth chapter, which I will be posting very soon...!
As a girl who has had only one boyfriend, I don't know much about relationships, but my boyfriend was a little controlling sometimes. As you maybe could see in the snow flashback, Albus was not always pushy, but then something changed. He is quite worldly, but that's just part of who he is. Maybe he'll realize it in the future? Even I don't know. ;)
Enough blabbering about my characters.
Thanks for another lovely review!! :D


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Review #33, by LyrisLovegood The Ending Is Only the Beginning

23rd June 2012:
Hey here for your review swap...actually I should already be reviewing this story considering it's part of my challenge ^.^ sorry about that.

Anyway onward with the review.

I really like this chapter a lot. It's short but effective. I could feel the emotions from the two...the bitterness of Albus as he continues to deny and claim everything is fine when he knows otherwise. It really got me intrigued to know what went so wrong in their relationship so I'll look forward to that :D I really hope you do a flashback to when they were happy...perhaps in the next few chapters where they try to live without one another? And I can totally relate to Melinda's emotions. My bf does the same thing...we fall out and he'll try to kiss it all better but it's never anything major so we just go back to normal. Too bad we can't say the same for Albus and Melinda :(

I look forward to reading the next chapter :D

Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for swapping reviews... and for coming up with this challenge!! I've had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope it's just as fun to read. :)
Since it was a break-up story, I tried to make their emotions as realistic as possible. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out, you know?
Thanks for your review!! :)


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Review #34, by StormThief17 The Bird Without Her Cage

20th June 2012:
This is a perfect followup on the last chapter. Perfect. As soon I read the last chapter I was thinking how much I wanted to know about their original relationship, and you gave that to me here beautifully. I love her retrospective look on things and the flashbacks, they really add to the story. It makes me so sad that they lost that love. But you also managed to give Melinda a sense of hope and acceptance that was very well done. She's upset about it, but is able to move on. That's really nice to see because often you encounter stories where the characters' lives are filled with anguish and regret after a break-up, which starts to sound cliched and immature after a while.

Its also refreshing to read a Albus P./OC story where it isn't like they found a perfect relationship and they end up married. That's another overdone plot I think. Even though I love Albus P., its good to see him portrayed a bit differently with flaws, as well as showing that he has Slytherin characteristics. A lot of stories where he is in Slytherin tend to put him there just for the sake or being different from Harry or because that's exactly what he didn't want and ignore any traits he would have that might put him in Slytherin.

OK, this was a real gusher of a review, but I can honestly say I didn't find anything wrong with this chapter! I was able to follow it easily and I simply loved it :) I cannot wait to see more of your work! Good luck on the challenge!

Author's Response: Wow, I didn't expect you to gush so much!! It's lovely to know that someone likes my story, though. It makes me feel all happy inside. :)

I'm glad that you liked the balance of the chapter and the inside looks on the relationship through flashbacks. When I first wrote it, I was a bit worried that there were too many flashbacks, or that perhaps they were too random.

For this story, I really pictured Albus as a Slytherin. He needed to have some degree of ruthlessness and a little too much ambition, and that made him the perfect serpent! I chose to write his relationship with Melinda in a way that would keep them from any ooey-gooey-lovey-dovey situations, because it's a break-up story, not a love scene. :)

Melinda may have a positive outlook on the break-up, but Albus' PoV is coming up in the next chapter (don't worry, no PoV switching!), and he isn't quite so nice...

As you'll learn from my characters, there are definitely two sides to every story. ;)

Thank you for your lovely, gushing review, and I look forward to next time!


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Review #35, by StormThief17 The Ending Is Only the Beginning

20th June 2012:
Hi, StormThief here with your review :)

Ahh this is so sad! I've never had a boyfriend, but I can totally relate to her emotions--they are very real! I was completely pulled in and very curious to read more. The only problem I have is the switch in PoV's. You seem to switch from her to him and back a lot and that can be hard to follow. Maybe work on that a bit ;) But very well done overall!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your rather insightful and fantabulous review!! :)
I have only had one boyfriend myself, and I tried to make Melinda's emotions as real as I possibly could. I do have quite a struggle with Albus' emotions, simply because I'm not a guy... xD
The switch in PoV's is definitely something I'll be taking a look at after the challenge has wrapped up. Thank you so much for calling that to my attention! I've just been waiting for another eye to catch the things I've missed, and you definitely answered my call for help!!
Once again, thanks for this review!


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Review #36, by Elenia The Ending Is Only the Beginning

9th June 2012:
(Tag!)

Interesting start you have here (: I really enjoyed reading this.

Both Melissa and Albus seem like fascinating characters. I would've wanted to know more about them and why exactly they turned out to be so different all of a sudden.

Your writing is good! I like the way you describe different things and you could really sense their feelings, even though it was written from the 3rd person POV, well done!

The plot seemsinteresting too. It's a nice change that everything isn't all lovey dovey, but some couples actually separate too.

Can't wait to read more of this story (:

Take care! ^^

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. :)
There is definitely more to come on this story, because I want to show how both of them are coping with the break-up. Their story isn't over yet!
And yeah, there comes a time in almost every relationship where lovey-dovey-ness vanishes. The pair is definitely at that stage, I think! :)
I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for reviewing!


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Review #37, by MrsDiggoryXD The Ending Is Only the Beginning

8th June 2012:
Wow. This was really amazing!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm glad you liked it! :)

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