Reading Reviews for Moments of Impact
  
85 Reviews Found

Review #26, by sweet_lovely_girl The Yule Ball, Part I

30th December 2012:
Hello!!! :)
I said in the forums that I had already reviewed this chapter, but then I found out I didn't which made me feel very bad. :( But here it is now. :D
I really liked this chapter. It was really funny.
Poor Lupin. Why, oh why, didn't you let him go to the ball with Tonks???!!!
And I hate it that you left us with that cliffhanger!!! What happened?
Well I will find that out really soon because I am going to the next chapter now. :)
Hihi see you with my next review!
-Xxx- SLG

Author's Response: Oh, that's fine. I honestly hadn't checked to see if you had reviewed this chapter.

I'm glad you enjoyed the more humorous aspects of this chapter, as those have been the most challenging to write.

There might be some Remus/Tonks in future chapters, but I can't give too much away!

Thank you,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #27, by True Author Prologue

30th December 2012:
Hello! I'm True Author with your requested review! =]

Personally, I like to read/write short prologues, but I never can. I definitely make it longer every time I edit it. So I loved this short but meaningful opening chapter. It would have been a bit boring if longer. :)

Anyway, I cannot say anything about your plot right now, but I loved the concept of this chapter at least. It's like a preface, isn't it? It surely makes the reader curious about Remus, without knowing what kind of story he's going to tell. The first paragraph and the quote in the beginning is perfect.

I just thought that you can add a few lines about Remus himself, but I won't say it's an important thing before going through the next chapter. =]

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Review #28, by appley Plotting Revenge

27th December 2012:
Hello again! Thanks for responding to my last review, it was my first and meant a lot for you to do it.

Ah la la, this chapter is magnifique! The writing was wonderful, the descriptions spot on...a few of the jokes made my ribs burst!

But what I thought was really wonderful about this chapter was your unique interpretation of Lily and Snape's relationship. I recently discovered in a J.K. Rowling interview, that Rowling thought that Lily and Snape would end up together had Snape not joined the Death Eaters. So good job for staying true to Lily, even if they never did go out in canon.

Remus is once again magnificent, and Sirius a complete hoot. I love the thesaurus comment! It was super funny.

I can see what you meant about Remus being reflective in the last chapter. And the story is shaping up quite nicely, this is one reader that will stay tuned!

Author's Response: Thank you for another spectacular review! I really appreciate it.

I'm glad to see you liked the chapter. By far, the humorous aspect of this chapter was the most challenging to write.

I've received a great deal of criticism regarding Snily, so I'm happy to hear that at least one of my readers approves.

Thank you again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #29, by appley Prologue

27th December 2012:
As a person who questions everything, I appreciated the philosophical nature of this short chapter. Remus Lupin's story is a great one to tell, and your spin on his life will surely be interesting.

One interesting comment is how Remus is portrayed. Although he had to watch many of his friends died, and was cautious and somewhat self-conscious, he never seemed to have such a negative take on life. But this is your story, and I'm sure Remus will evolve into the man he was in the books.

Did you mean Remus to be so preachy?

Please, continue on with the story! This reader thirsts for character interactions...not to mention the introduction of certain Marauders (wink wink).

Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review!

I didn't want to write another Marauder's Era cliche, so I tried to take a bit of an original approach to this fanfiction. Additionally, Remus' early life was never explicitly described, so I had to create quite a bit of information about him. Therefore, I just started writing my own ideas of how he would act, think, and speak.

I didn't intend for him to be "preachy." I actually was aiming for him to be somewhat reflective and regretting some of his past decisions.

Thank you again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #30, by graylady01 Prologue

27th December 2012:
Hey, graylady01 here with your requested review!

From the get-go I found myself being sucked in by the narrator of this story. Even though you didn't confirm that it was Lupin till the end, I guessed early in the second paragraph. The words, 'I failed to save three of the people I loved the most' were just enough to get my mind thinking about who it was. As a writer I think it is important to subtly introducing characters, feelings and surroundings to your readers (rather than bombarding them with description) and I felt you did this remarkably well.

One thing that I would recommend to watch out for is excessive use of commas. Though not wrong, you put a comma before 'but' (I spotted two?) which isn't needed since the passage is heavy on commas in the first place. I found it mildly distracting as it sometimes took away from the general flow of the chapter. Try splitting the sentence into two or alternatively, rephrase it.

Even though the prologue was short, I found your characterisation of Remus spot-on. This is a man that had this friends (who were like family) ripped from him all at once. I can see him suffering from survivors guilt at not being able to help the people he loved. This fic is honestly the first I've read that I thoroughly agree with the writers representation of Remus, so I tip my hat to you.

Keep up the good work,
graylady01

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Review #31, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Yule Ball, Part II

26th December 2012:
I think that Lucius and Narcissa would have been done with school by the time the Marauders were in their seventh year, but this line still made me giggle: "'No, baby, I'm coming right now,' Lucius said..."

I suppose if Tonks is in the the story and Remus has a brother, then adding them in isn't a big deal. If you were to categorize this story as AU, then you could put in any characters you like. :)

Here was another slightly AU-moment that made me laugh, nonetheless: "'Voldy-something. Sounds kinda shifty if you ask me,' he responded." I think that by this point, since they knew about Death Eaters, they would have definitely known who Voldemort was -- it is funny, though. :)

No explanation of Remus's illness, yet? Madam Pomfrey's alarm makes me think it must be something worse than the usual side effects.

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Review #32, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Yule Ball, Part I

26th December 2012:
Hello, Elphaba back again!

I like having Remus and Tonks meet in the library, even though he's supposed to be 13-14 years older than her. :) It's a cute scene. I do think that having Tonks confess to not being any good at Transfiguration is OOC, though. To become an auror, she would need to earn a NEWT in transfiguration. As a metamorphmagus, I think she'd be a natural at it, anyway.

I also like the section where Remus visits Madam Pomfrey. She doesn't get much attention, so it's nice to see her get a scene, especially since she was one of the very few people who knew his secret. I agree that she would be very sympathetic, as you potrary her.

Remus's observations on the dance made me smile: "One of the first things I noticed regarding the dance floor was a seemingly nonexistent regard for something known as personal space. Bodies were pressed tightly together, elbows jabbed ribs, feet stepped on other feet." I thought this was one of the funniest parts.

What is responsible for his illness at the end of this chapter? Is coughing up blood just another side effect of the lycanthropy, or does he have something else, like TB or internal bleeding? I hope this will be explained in the next chapter!

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Review #33, by UnluckyStar57 Prologue

24th December 2012:
Hi, Voldy Needs a Hug!! You reviewed me, and now I'm here to return the favor!!

This chapter was quite short indeed. I was rather surprised that it wasn't longer, but it made a good beginning for the story that follows it. In the future (Gods knows when, though!), I'll try to read and review the other chapters to make up for this review being a bit short (like the chapter).

So, on to the reviewing part of the review!

When I started reading, I could immediately tell that it was Remus Lupin who was telling us his story. You didn't use any description or backstory; the little hints you threw in were sufficient. They spoke volumes without really saying tons of stuff.

The only concern I have is the level of disparity between the very first sentence and the one that follows it. For me, the two were not connected enough to be together. Perhaps if you put a sentence in between that hinted at how moments of impact occurr because of enemies and friends?
It's your choice, really, but that's just what I saw.

Otherwise, lovely lovely beginning!!! I hope I'll have time to review more!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #34, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The Yule Ball, Part II

21st December 2012:
Hi there. Just popping by with you requested review!

Another really great chapter! I know you said it was only filler but I still felt it moved the story on and was important :). It has my interest to carry on...

I really love your little side notes from Lupin. They're so witty and always make me laugh! I think they really add to your story, so well done on them!

Aww James is so cute in this story! His concern for Lupin is so clear and very maurauder-esque. You've done a really great job with the characters in this chapter.

Oh and I loved the line 'Unfortunately, I do not have the funds to open a ward for the mentally challenged, such as yourself. However, I can refer you to St. Mungo’s'. Go Madam Pomfrey! Putting Sirius in his place!

Well done again!
Lauren

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Review #35, by sweet_lovely_girl Plotting Revenge

19th December 2012:
Your second requested review from sweetlovelygirl from the review thread. :)
I liked this chapter as well, though it was really different from the prologue. It was really funny sometimes. It is the first time that I read a story in which the characters are described like in this story and in which there are so many notes. It makes this story even more unique and fun to read! :D
A few typos and errors here and there, but overall the grammar is good.
Your characters are written really well. And I still wonder how james and Lily could have got a child so nice as Harry who hardly tries to get into trouble, while his parents were either constantly getting into trouble or having a fight. :P
I wonder how the rest of your story is going to be.
You can always ask me for more reviews!
Xxx sweetlovelygirl

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Review #36, by Mystique The Yule Ball, Part II

18th December 2012:
Hi. Sorry about the confusion before.

I really liked this chapter, it seems to have taken a darker turn. But it is still really funny. I laughed so hard when I read about James' attempt to play golf in the Hospital Wing.

I also liked the little side note about Sirius' aversion to the Daily Prophet. However I think that at this point in the Marauder's era Voldemort would be a lot more well known. I'm pretty sure that the Order of Phoenix was started whilst all the Marauders were still at Hogwarts and it was also started to fight Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Therefore Voldemort I think would have probably been around for some time.

I'm really intrigued as to what is going on with Remus, hopefully it will be revealed soon.

Charlie

Author's Response: No problem! Thank you so much for the review!

I began with a very dark, emotion-filled prologue and transitioned into several happier chapters. However, as you mentioned, this chapter did become a bit darker, as Remus' seventh year wasn't exactly a stroll in the park.

You brought up a good point about the uprising of Lord Voldemort. Now that I think about it, I suppose there would have been reports about it earlier, and a bit more pandemonium concerning it in the wizarding world.

Thank you for all of your excellent an helpful comments,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #37, by Mystique The Yule Ball, Part I

18th December 2012:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review. Sorry that I was a little late.

I've got to say that I'm really impressed by the amount of detail in this story. It really makes me enjoy the story even more.

I love the descriptions of Sirius and James especially with the password changing (I loved the names) and the dragging in of snow. I think that they're perfectly characterized and Sirius is definitely my favourite character so far, although I do love Remus' side comments. I loved how you mentioned James' favourite pudding as being Treacle Tart, as that is also Harry's favourite.

I found it interesting that you chose to include Tonks. As after all she is over 10 years younger than Remus and therefore she wouldn't have been at school with the Marauders. Although I liked the library scene and though that it was really sweet.

I'm glad that there's not any Snily in this chapter, but I was definitely hoping that there would be some Jily.

Charlie

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! Don't worry about the delay.

I've always struggled with including enough detail to accurately portray the events that were occurring. Thankfully, I appear to have improved somewhat in this chapter.

I hadn't realised the rather large age difference between Remus and Tonks until several reviewers mentioned it. It's a little late to change that now, but at least I will have the knowledge going forward. I'm glad their exchange was believable and didn't seem cheesy or over the top.

Snily will be vanishing shortly, and then you will get your wish of some Jily. I promise it won't be much longer!

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #38, by sweet_lovely_girl Prologue

18th December 2012:
Hi!
This is sweetlovelygirl from the review thread with your requested review. Now I find this beginning really good. It contained so many things I, and I think most of us, have thought about or had heard about. It gives us a comfortable feeling, knowing that this story is going to take us somewhere familiar in some way. There are no grammtical mistakes as far as I am concerned. And it's funny that the part about decisions is just what my newest challenge is about. All in all I just think this is a great beginning leading to a story with a lot of potential. You can come to me any time for another review.
Xxx SLG

Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review!

I tried to make the fanfiction as realistic as possible and accurately capture Remus' emotions.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #39, by angel_speaks Plotting Revenge

18th December 2012:
Hiya! angel_speaks finally here with a requested review of this chapter. Apologies for my tardiness, my Internet connection has been quite unpredictable lately. Anyways, time to get started.

Plot: There seems to be a lot of things going on with the plot and its only the first chapter (maybe its because of the formatting...) One thing is for sure though, I'm loving how its being told from Remus's POV! I think you did really well in further introducing your characters to your audience and how their lives are like. Additionally, I love the fun, quirky elements that you wrote in, especially since this story involves the Marauders! I can't wait to read more on how James deals with the idea of Lily and Sev being together and I'm even more interested in reading what he'll probably do at the Yule Ball.

Interest: Definitely keeping my interests up so far. Can't wait to read more to see what other things the characters will do just to get what they want :)

Characterization: For the most part your characters are pretty in tune with the canon and I commend you for that. The things that your characters have done this far are certainly things that can be expected of them. Well, maybe except for the Snily part, but hey, that's part of fanfic element right? :) can't wait to see how they all develop throughout the story!

Flow: Now, for this part I think the only thing that can be a little bit distracting are the bolded titles. Some reviewers may just choose to go along with it and some can be very critical and point it out as really distracting. I, personally, found it somewhat distracting and I say that because it was necessary due to the way this chapter had been formatted. I think that transitional sentences/paragraphs could have done the job for you. Of course that's just my opinion :) your audience really loves your story and I do too :) Thats the only thing I wanted to point out from this chapter, other than that I think the flow is doing alright.

Hope this helped!
A

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Review #40, by ob sessed Prologue

16th December 2012:
Hi it's preeah from the forums and I'm here with your review! :)

First off, just a couple nitpicky things...

In this sentence: "I never understood how important it is to keep your loved ones..." - it should be 'how important it WAS to keep..' just a tense thing.

Also: "When it eventually dawns on you exactly what went wrong..." - with the context of that paragraph, I think it would flow better if you added 'but' just at the very beginning.

Okay, so onto the review, you gave me goosebumps!!! No, really, you did. From the first paragraph to the very last, the sadness poignant in your words just completely reel in your readers. It wasn't overwhelming but it was enough to make us feel for a character we're yet to be introduced to... and then when you go 'my name is Remus Lupin' my heart just breaks... because we all know exactly what he's talking about and that's the worst part. It's just so depressing haha but in a good way. It's a wonderful prologue! You asked me to look at flow and characterisation, and I've mentioned it a bit already but the flow is perfect. It's a slow tempo but for a prologue that's based on his emotions, it's perfect. The characterisation, I can't quite comment on since there isn't much to go on yet but with what we already know about Remus and what you've written, you've definitely got us empathising with him.

Anyway, please do come back and re-request! I definitely want to read on but I've got a pile of reviews to get to so I might forget.. so do come back :)

Thank you for a lovely read!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I'll get around to changing the tense in that sentence (hopefully soon).

I'm glad you enjoyed the prologue. I wasn't sure if his emotions were a bit extreme, but evidently not. Remus happens to be my favorite character, and I haven read many fanfictions from his point of view, let alone ones that talk about James' and Lily's deaths.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #41, by Mystique Plotting Revenge

16th December 2012:
This is a really good story and even more so because it is told from Remus' point of view. Something that isn't very common in Marauder's era stories. So it was really refreshing to read this story.

I love Remus' sense of humor and the little notes that he inserted throughout. My favourite was probably "Sirius Black's Strange Aversion to the Hospital Wing" - I think this was a really great characterization of Sirius and I want to know more about why he really doesn't like the Hospital Wing.

I found one spelling error here, "There’s no on to blame for the incident." I think you meant to write one instead of on.

I liked the fact that you chose for Remus to have brothers - as there isn't much of back story about him. So I think this really helped to develop his.

You mentioned that Sirius and James had known each other since they were two. I find that a bit unbelievable as in the books they met on the train and had not met before. And although both are from pureblood families I doubt that the Blacks would have really socialized with the Potters as they most likely considered them to be inferior.

Another thing that bothered me was Snape and Lily dating. I found it to be highly unlikely that they would be dating as I don't think Lily would have forgiven him quite so quickly. She does seem to be a forgiving person, but I think that she would have had a really hard time forgiving her childhood friend who called her a mudblood. Plus Snape's friends would have most likely disapproved about it and if Snape would have wanted to join Voldemort, I think that him dating Lily would not help him.

Apart from those few things I really enjoyed the story. I really liked the fact that you chose to have Lily on the Quidditch team as that isn't something that's often done. I did find it a bit unbelievable that there would be four seventh years on the Gryffindor Quidditch team - Laura, Lily, Sirius and James - as I remember Harry got a lot of criticism for having Ron and Dean on the Quidditch team.

I have to say though that I loved your characterization of all the characters and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. Feel free to request another review from me.

Charlie

Author's Response: Thank you for the great review!

This was my first attempt at writing a fanfiction in the humor genre, so I'm glad it was a success. I didn't realise how challenging it would be to write from Remus' perspective until I started.

There wasn't much information about Remus' family of younger life in the books, so much of it I had to create myself, including his brothers.

I guess I had mentally established that they already knew one another by the time they started attending Hogwarts.

I've received many comments about Snily. It does play a role in the main plot of the story, and is not easily changeable.

I figured it would be interesting to put Lily on the team, as I hadn't previously seen any other authors do so.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #42, by Siriusly89 The Yule Ball, Part II

16th December 2012:
Ah! I love Sirius! Such a comedian! And I love that James attempted to play golf in the hospital wing :P So funny! The comedic side of this story is really starting to come out and I just love it :P

You know where I am if you ever want any more reviews :D

Author's Response: I have to say, Sirius is quite fun to write about. Between him and James, there will be many more humorous situations in the chapters to come.

Thanks for reviewing,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #43, by Siriusly89 The Yule Ball, Part I

16th December 2012:
OMG! Cliffhangers! How I hate them! Luckily there is more and I don't have to wait until the New Year to read it! Yay! I really do love all the little side notes you put in! This is a bit of a serious story, but you have some brilliant humour in it as well :D I almost fell off my chair at the Dynamitc Duo's passwords :P

Author's Response: Doesn't everyone hate cliffhangers? I have to say, they are quite fun to incorporate into the chapters. Unfortunately, I only have the first four chapters validated, so you'll have to wait for the fifth to be up after the New Year.

I'm glad to see you've been enjoying the side notes (although it's rather unfortunate that you fell off your chair).

Thanks for the review,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #44, by Siriusly89 Plotting Revenge

16th December 2012:
Ahem, I am going to be very fan-girly and quoote from the story:

*A Note From the Trio in the Tree*
Tree's do not typically have a habit of sneezing

PURE GENIUS! I love Remus' sense of humour in this story! Its so different and original and I just love it :D

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and the humor it contained! This was my first attempt at writing in the humor genre, so I'm glad to see it was successful.

Thanks for the review,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #45, by Siriusly89 Prologue

16th December 2012:
HI :) Siriusly89 here with your requested review :)

I love the way you wrote this first piece! It really draws people in and makes them want to read more! I also think you got Remus Lupin's personality correct, he wasn't shouting about how everything bad happens to him, he was in a way accepting it, and it was really writeen so beautifully! So that is why you are getting four reviews for the price of one, I simply must read on :P

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Your reviews have been really encouraging and uplifting. It was a bit of a challenge originally for me to write from Remus' perspective, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #46, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The Yule Ball, Part I

15th December 2012:
Heya - just me again popping by with your review :)

OK, so no Snily in this chapter - I must say I'm a little relieved! I know you said it's going soon and I can't wait for the Jily to begin!

Again, big compliments on using Lupin's POV, it really is so refreshing and I love seeing things from his perspective.

I love your descriptions of Sirius and James when Remus is thinking of them. Doing things like dragging snow in on purpose and changing the Gryffindor passwords (I loved them by the way), I think you have it spot on. I would say though, I think some of the conversations they have don't always show this quite as well. While I think what you had them saying was a bit of light banter, I think it may have lost part of the friendlier aspects that they should have between them. It just seems to me to have lost it's teasing aspect and seems a bit forced and awkward if you know what I mean? That's just my opinion though :)

Ooohh, having Tonks in. Now this is something interesting. Just in my head, I didn't picture them being at school together. No idea why, maybe just because they put such an emphasis on Remus being older than her in the books. I thought this was a really sweet idea though and I thought your library scene was really great!

Just a couple of other things, I liked the Jammin' Hippogriffs! I think they sound cool personally, even if their song didn't have the best lyrics! I also loved the fact James complains about not having Treacle Tart... if I'm not mistaken this is Harry's favourite pudding...

A couple of lines I thought may need editing...

' "Get a move on it," ' Should that be 'it' on the end? It just didn't make sense to me.

'These requirements pertained to the majority of the Slytherins, and, unfortunately, Lily Evans, who had caught up to us only several seconds before she was hit squarely in the face with a bright, red water balloon.' I don't think you need the 'she' in it. Maybe try... 'These requirements pertained to the majority of the Slytherins, and, unfortunately, Lily Evans, who had caught up to us only several seconds before, was hit squarely in the face with a bright, red water balloon.'

Ooh, leaving it on a cliff hanger, you meanie! At least you have the next chapter up so I can check Remus is ok!

All in all, I think you have another great chapter here! It flows really well and definitely kept me interested throughout.

Well done again!
Lauren

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I can't say I'm a huge fan of Snily myself, and it was a bit challenging to write. Luckily, however there won't be much Snily in the upcoming chapters.

I tried to describe James and Sirius as accurately as possible throughout the chapter, focusing on Remus' opinion of them. I understand what you're saying about the dialogue - which I have struggled with throughout the entire fanfiction. I'm currently having a BETA edit some of my chapters, so hopefully she will be able to help me improve upon this.

To be completely honest, the library scene was the hardest I've written so far. My original version of this chapter bordered on cheesy, and my second draft sounded too formal. So I'm glad you liked it. For some reason, I had always imagined that they were together during their school years, although I'm not sure why I would have fixed that in my mind.

As I mentioned previously, I am getting a BETA to help me with the chapter, as it is in need of some major revisions.

I have to say, it is quite fun to leave cliffhangers and read reviewers' (sometimes quite angry) reactions.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #47, by AlexFan Plotting Revenge

14th December 2012:
Hello! Just getting around to your review now.

So, your plot seems interesting enough, I've never read a Marauder's story being told from Remus' point of view so that was a nice breath of fresh air.

The chapter flowed really well and it was quite funny to read. Something that I always enjoy in a story so congratulations on that.

Remus actually seems like a teenage Remus would, I like that. We're never actually told how Remus was when he was younger but the way that you portrayed him here seems right.

I can't help myself, James and Sirius are still my favourite characters and I still want to punch Snape in the face.

Which brings me to the part with Snape and Lily dating. Something that I found highly unlikely. I know that Lily's a forgiving person and everything but I don't think that she'd forgive someone who's called her a mudblood even though she's repeatedly told her friends that Snape is an okay person.

Plus, I think Snape's friends would have a problem with him dating muggle-born Lily Evans especially when Snape and them have plans of joining Voldemort. Plus, Lily wouldn't be okay with that either so her dating Snape seems highly unlikely.

The stories actually very interesting, it managed to grab and hold my attention and it was really well written. I hope that other people read this story and enjoy it because it's great so far.

Have a nice day/night!

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review!

Remus has always been my favorite character from the series, and I was fascinated with the Marauders' Era. Therefore, I chose him to narrate the fanfiction.

I'm glad the transitions were smooth and you enjoyed the humorous aspect of the story.

I actually had very little to go on about Remus' younger life and how he acted during his years at Hogwarts, so I attempted to make his character sound as realistic as possible.

I've had quite a few comments about the Snily present in these scene. While it may not seem entirely believable, it could have, quite possibly, occurred.

I got the impression from the books that Snape really wasn't very popular, and might not have had many friends. Therefore, he wouldn't have anyone pressuring him to break up with Lily, and Lily wouldn't break up with him because of who he associates with.

Thank you for all of the encouragement and the helpful suggestions!

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #48, by angel_speaks Prologue

12th December 2012:
Hiya angel_speaks here with your requested review from the forums!

First, I would like to commend you for such an awesome opening! The whole concept to this prologue is definitely intriguing to me as a reader (as I am also a big fan from the actual source of the concept of this prologue ;))

Plot: As previously mentioned, I personally think you did a really job with the prologue. I think it established the foundation of the story and kinda gives the readers a preview of what the rest of the story is about. More comments on this as I go through the rest of the chapters :)

Characterization: Well, this prologue definitely gives the reader an insight as to who Remus is as a character. Again, not really much to comment on as its just the prologue.

Flow: I think a few insertions of transitional sentences could help with the overall train of thought for the character. The tenses seem consistent so far, so just keep that up.

Interest: as you could probably already tell, that this story has definitely caught my attention. I can't wait to read more of this! Good job!

9/10

A

Author's Response: Thanks for all of the great comments! Being pessimistic, as usual, I had convinced myself that the prologue was dull and wouldn't capture anyone's attention. However, your review has told me otherwise.

There wasn't very much plot in this chapter, but I was just trying to get the basics out of the way, yet in an interesting manner.

There really isn't much characterisation, either. I was simply trying to convey Remus' feelings and emotions before the actual story started.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #49, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Plotting Revenge

11th December 2012:
Hi again...

Again, this is a really good chapter. I thought you had some really interesting things mixed in and it kept it fun to read.

I liked the fact this was all from Remus's point of view, it was quite refreshing. I haven't read anything from his POV before, it's usually James/Lily/Sirius so I really enjoyed that. I thought the fact he has 2 brothers was another nice little twist. I can't remember it ever saying he doesn't have brothers so I liked the idea he might!

Lily playing quidditch was also a nice change, most people have her scared of flying or something like that and that's usually how I imagine her but this was really nice. It would be great if one of your chapters actually involved a Quidditch match we could see her play in.

I thought your characterisation was really good for the characters we already know, such as Lily/James/Sirius/Remus. You brought them to life well in ways I wasn't always expecting. I really enjoyed your description of your OC's too. They fit into the story well.

A couple of things... I did feel that it was slightly unrealistic Snape not knowing Lupin's name. He was obsessed with the guys 'furry little problem' and it just didn't feel right to me. That's just my opinion though on that one line.

Gah you have Snily in there! I'm sorry I just can't deal with Snily. I don't have a problem with Snape loving her, I think he did in his own strange way but it wasn't a romantic love that could lead to a relationship. He loved her like he loved the dark arts it's more obsession to me than love and I don't understand them as a couple. Sorry... this is all just my opinion again but I did say I didn't like reading Snily...

Apart from the one bit above I think you have a really good story again. It's got good characterisation and flow to it and I think it's a really good read!

Great job again!
Lauren

Author's Response: Thank you for such an encouraging review! It really made my day!

I did notice that quite a few Marauders' Era stories are from James or Sirius' point of view, so I decided I would change it up a bit. Additionally, quite frankly, Remus is my favorite character from the Harry Potter series and one of the few characters I believed I could accurately portray in a literary piece. There wasn't a great deal of information about Remus' family, so I had to create one for him. I'm glad it was believable.

Once again, I don't want this to be a traditional, cliche Marauders' Era fanfiction. Therefore, I decided to give Lily a position on the Quidditch team. The extra time spent with James during practices would provide for several interesting scenes. I am planning to incorporate a Quidditch match into the next chapter or two, so thank you for the suggestion.

I tried to make the canon characters and OCs realistic and relatable, so I'm glad to hear that I was successful. I wasn't sure how my OCs would be received, as I was concerned that I hadn't constructed believable characters.

I've received several comments about Snape not knowing Remus' name and will be going back to edit that.

Snily will be disappearing within the next several chapters. I apologise about putting you through the agony of reading it :( Your comments make sense, and I will reconsider their relationship.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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Review #50, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Prologue

11th December 2012:
Hi there - filling in the request from the forum.

I was so excited when you said it was a Marauders era fic as they're my fav! And it was a good start when I saw Bradley James as the graphic as I love him too, but I digress sorry, back to actual reviewing...

I loved this prologue. It kept me really interested throughout and I wasn't sure who it was speaking until you actually said so well done, I really loved that. I thought the words you used were spot on and really gave an insight into the thought process that could be going through his head.

This chapter was quite short which isn't a negative comment, I felt it was appropriate for the prologue but you have me hooked so I intend to read more and will review some more! I must say though, I loved the line: 'Welcome to my wolfish nightmare.' I thought it ended it perfectly!

Great job!
Lauren

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review! I had noticed your mention of your love of Marauders' fanfictions, and figured you might enjoy reading mine. And it just so happened that you love Bradley James as well. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter in several different respects!

I was aiming for a mysterious air throughout the prologue and intentionally refrained from revealing the identity of the narrator. I also tried to accurately capture his thoughts and emotions, but was unsure if I was successful. Your encouraging comments have led me to believe that I was on the right track.

I did try to keep this chapter on the shorter side (as many prologues are). I wanted it to be long enough to explain Remus' situation, but short enough that it kept readers' attentions. It took me ages to decide on the final sentence, so I'm glad you like it.

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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